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Sunday, July 23, 2017

07-23-17 Happy Birthday continues ... AND it includes a son!

Saturday, July 22, 2017 @ 5:08AM
Good morning.  This is us.  AND, we have a son here!  FINALLY!  Well, mostly.  Maury came in yesterday and we had dinner, and talked a bit, but then he went out to a movie – he’s a BIG movie person, and then he probably went out, not sure … but we were FOR SURE … in bed.  Hehe.  Just know that with him in the house, his dogs are quiet, and we’re just as happy as hell, they’re here!  Should admit, we haven’t had to do much so far, except the housework part and unloading dishes.  Rich did all the cooking – we had steak, potatoes (Maury), Corn on the cob, and coleslaw.  AND, between both – they’ve let the dogs out.  The nicest thing is to wake up in the morning and now, he’s just in the next room over.  We’re in stealth mode … well not really, these keys are clunky, but ALMOST stealth mode hehe.
Maury is already 36 … so he is getting up there giggling – well not TOO much, but funny to think of his age at this point.  Our inclination of course is to think motherly thoughts like worrying about him crossing the puddle in front of our driveway.  NATURALLY, he’s able to handle that sort of thing now … Just, again, mother thoughts.  I guess it’s worry.  Like worrying if he is going to get enough sleep.  He’s been taking care of himself for more years than I have taken care of him.  Just, you know … Mom you got to let it go.
He’s thinking naturally, we’re old people.  It was funny last night before he went out.  We had watched a taped Steven Colbert show from last night, and then it was over, and Rich was just flipping through channels, and then something went wrong and there was a sex-show on TV.  Oh Lord, was it funny.  Maury was laughing up a storm because Rich was having trouble getting it off the scream, and we’re not sure if somehow, he paid for the damn thing flipping around, and we had gone into one of our goofier parts and was pretty hysterical in our own right like yelling out … Rich, c’mon turn that thing off … my boy probably hasn’t seen that sort of thing before. 
WHICH to be perfectly clear, is PROBABLY not true.  Rich was just dumbfounded, and having difficulty responding.  This probably only took 45 seconds, but it seemed to last a lifetime, AND of course, Maury got it all recorded and sent to snapshot, in less time than an instant.  Yah … Maury … Yah.  “Kids,” they are good at that kind of thing.  *Sigh*
OK … still on page ONE??! (460 words).  It’s going to be one of those.  OK, OK … take your minds out of the gutter!
Moving on …
There are no plans for the weekend, except I’m sure Maury is going to be moving on almost as soon as he’s up.  Maybe he’ll eat one of Rich’s omelets.  I don’t know … I do know he’ll have to wake up to let his dogs out, but we don’t know if he’ll be up then or go back to bed.  He’s keeping them calm in there now, which is good, because we opened the fridge for some of last night’s coleslaw.  I know … our eating is way off she thinks, as she remembers Austin’s ice cream he left behind.  *Sigh*
Lots of sighing here.  That’s probably not a good thing.
No, let us NOT talk about food.  You should … NO, I SHOULD NOT!  Uh-huh.  Damn and a few more expletives that have been censored. NOOO!
What about food?  HUH?!  We’ve been eating more … you know that, right?  YES, WHAT OF IT!  I see you’ve gone back to caps.  SOMEthing YOU!  Ok, fine … we’re not ready yet.  We’ll just ease into that later.
We’ll just finish the coleslaw quietly.  HMPF!
We’re having heated-up coffee from yesterday … OK, we’ve had better, and that’s off-set by a sparkly glass of diet coke on ice.  After today, well … mostly after today, but some after the quilters and we get together, but soon we’ll be over our birthday and getting back to things.
Hey!  We’re starting to think more of the future.  Is our umm problem over?  Haven’t had that talk … OK, maybe later, but maybe?  Flash storms come and go quickly … we’re thinking … shhh ok, we’re not thinking … again, moving on.  People are touchy here this morning! 
What’s a safe topic.  Hmm, maybe we could touch on a few things before all this other stuff happened (see yesterday’s blog entry).  One of the thing of high value was that we had had a very nice birthday party.  Joe, Cari, Alex, Austin, and of course, Rich and us were there.  There were a few presents exchanged and we LOVED THEM.  That happened before I knew it and then fortunately was put aside.  I just don’t know how to relate to getting them.  And, then later, we had cake, but people skipped the happy birthday song … they were just in other places when the waitress had come with the cake.  That was not a BAD part though hehe.
Austin did a lot of talking to Joe, as expected hehe.  We did a lot of talking with Cari and watching of Alex.  He’s fascinating.  He lives in a private world, we’re not allowed into much yet, even though he’s now three.  Toward the end of the evening when people are all standing around giving hugs, we asked him if he was going to give us a hug, and he opened his arms and gave us a GREAT one!  OH man that hit the sweet-spot!  Most of the evening he’d been busy with his hat pulled low over his eyes.  I LOVED my birthday hug!
Rich was the most excellent host, and helped us through times of getting a little confused by everything, and of COURSE, Dakota rose to the occasion.  He LOVES sitting with Alex while he’s eating.  Not as much anymore – there used to be a lot of treats under his chair, but you couldn’t pull anything over on Dakota.  He knew we wouldn’t like him moving from his spot, so we watched him crawl … like a soldier under barbed wire.  He DID make it to his prime location.
After dinner, we had a nice car trip home, but I realized that is the time Austin likes talking to Rich, though as it turned-out … Austin talked to Rich past the time I went to bed early.  Not going into that yet, but it did us a LOT of good to know that Austin and Rich respect each other so much.  Austin is like a gifted conversationalist. 
Later, we talked to him too, but it was the next day, and then Thursday.  One of the things that Austin and I decided – well, decided as much as Rich SAYS it’s ok, but we were planning a bit into the next trip.  We were thinking of going to Green Bay, WI over Labor Day. Naturally, we need Austin’s Mom to say it is OK too.  I don’t know how we became “traveling Grandparents,” but we DID and I LOVE IT!
In two weeks, we’ll be traveling with Rich and Austin AND Dakota to St. Louis, MO.  It was one of Austin’s destinations.  Everything there is AS planned, though we should be pulling those details together.  We just checked while Austin was here, it was close to him leaving, and they are right in our Evernote planner, as we thought.  Just should rustle them in our mind.  I’m pretty sure we booked our hotel, and we booked Saturday night’s event at the western night dinner theater.  I think we’re seeing a mystery.  And THEN!  There is the City Museum. Not as sure about that one, but think we’re going to go in and park ourselves while Austin explores.  Hehe.
Whoops!  That was a change of pace.  Maury and the dogs are up.  We didn’t see that happening until it was down upon us.  He took the dogs out, and then maybe he’s going back to bed.  They all woke up exactly at 6AM, so we weren’t sure if someone had set an alarm.  Maury came in quickly, and then went out again.  He said something about his dogs not wanting to go out … I don’t know if it’s raining – might be.  Periodically we hear thunder sounds. 
That was it … Max had wound himself on the post out there, and Maury had needed his shoes.  When Dakota used the chain, we put up a little guard between that post and the air conditioner – a twenty-second fix.  We don’t usually think about sort of stuff.  Normally, we just let Dakota out … he goes in the rain if he must go, and we let him go freely, and he returns the way he is supposed to. 
Oh dear.  Maury came in and very seriously told me that Andy was in an accident.  My grandson is ok.  But, he got hit by a car as he walked home from work.  He has a concussion.  And, we’re thinking that was the worst of it.  BUT, that is bad.  Maury found out that it had happened a short time before his movie was over … and they said that Andy was ok, but staying overnight.  They told him not to come in because Andy didn’t want the extra going on.  He said he was up off and on all night.  It is one of the most terrible things to know your child was in danger, and you weren’t there to protect them. 
Andy is 16, and Maury said he was worried, because he’d had a few other concussions – both the other two from Joe’s Karate.  The first was years ago, but the second was just two months ago during a competition.  We had remembered when Joe was in competition and had gotten knocked out and received a concussion.  No parent should see his child hurt.  AND, you certainly don’t go through it without being in shock. 
I don’t know how long he will stay.  I know his mind is focused on all that.  I heard a few moments ago, he was back on the phone.  He had gone back to his room, because Lady was too much for me and she wanted my attention. 
Hmm, some two-handed petting, but it wasn’t too bad.  First, we were petting Dakota, and then we were petting Max, and then Dakota went to our right side, so we could pet both at the same time … Smart dogs!  I petted for about 30-seconds, and then let them go and they both laid down.  Max barked at our 6:30AM chime, and then he continued and I realized that he was having trouble seeing.  So, we turned on the kitchen lights, and the light out in the sunroom.  And, so he’s since settled down.  He’s at the back door looking out, so we’re figuring next, that he doesn’t know if Lady and Maury have left him.  I don’t think he hears Maury’s muffled sound from the bedroom.  I think he really thinks Maury has left him here.  That has happened before.  Same thing happened … at first, he just laid by the door.
Whoops, he started to whine … so, we did the next easy thing.  We brought him to Maury’s room AND all is now fine!  Hehe Maury has BOTH his dogs under control now.  I think it might be a very long week when Maury leaves his dogs here mid-September.  They are a BUNDLE to handle.  They, usually calm down, but first thing in the morning, Lady DEFINETLY wants attention, AND Max does whine at the door.  I thought before that it was to go out, and it still might be, but it might be because, he’s waiting for Maury to come home.  Dakota sure does love to have them here.
There was one-time last night … well Lady wasn’t being as playful as she had been before, and Dakota was trying his hardest to engage here.  He did his streak-lightening thing from one end of the house to another – about six times, before he gave-up.  He was SOOO fast, but Lady was like … eh?   Max will have nothing to do with that kind of behavior.  He’s more like – Hey can’t you get your puppy in order!? Hehe Dogs will be dogs.
We have about 17 minutes, and then it will be time to feed Dakota.  We’ll feed him separately from Maury’s dogs.  Maury asked if he had eaten already, so we set him straight giggling.  They all DO expect to do some eating here.  We serve VERY good Kibble!
Hmm, think Maury is off the phone now and he’s playing with his dogs.  Hehe – he teased poor Lady for not being the shiniest penny on the block.  But, she’s all heart.  Dakota is laying down next to me.  He didn’t wiggle a smidge to hear the 6:45AM chime.  BUT, wait until he hears the next one at 7AM … He LOVES breakfast group THE MOST!  And, then we’ll be able to take our medicine.  We’re a bit needy this morning.  There’s a lot happening in the wings.
So, 15 minutes, I’m trying not to think of Andy.  I know he’s fine … just it’s one of those things.  Perhaps, this time a Grandma thing.  We are worrying about him, but as well, we’re worrying about our son.  We want to know he’s going to be OK with what’s happening.  I guess he didn’t get the message about Andy until ten minutes after he’d gotten here after the movie which is like six to seven minutes away.  He said he decided not to wake me, because he didn’t want to upset me.  I know we were sitting very still hearing him say all the words, but we were looking for the set of them that said at the end – this was the result, and he’s ok.  That’s all.  We just wanted to know he was ok.
We asked about Isa, but she’s staying over at a friend’s.  I think, she might be most excited.  She worries about her brother.  And, I know that Maury talked to both his ex and her husband, so he’s good with all that.  He couldn’t tell me how the ex was doing.  It was like it wasn’t registering with him.  OK OK … let’s move on here girls, Hmm?
Eight-minutes to happy hour.  Hmm, I thought I heard something FINALLY from the Rich-camp!  AHA!  Now, I heard bed-creaking sounds.  Maybe he’ll get up and make REAL coffee, and then make sure that Grandma is ok.  That would be a good deal, right?
@ 8:05AM We’re back for a little bit … the guys are both up and BUSY.  Maury is on his phone and over-watching TV, and Rich has on his fishy shows.  It’s down to the point where Maury is making his own breakfast and Rich doesn’t seem to mind *Sigh* Maury brought his own meat (leftover) and there are six eggs left, so he said with a little onion, he will make his own omelet, which was ok with Rich.  Not sure what Rich will make for himself, AND Rich isn’t a big make breakfast over the weekend person, so we just made oatmeal.  Usually, it’s for lunch, but it will make do.
Whoops, Maury just found out our Internet is down.  We had just checked it.  It’s been down all morning, because we had heavy rain.  I think he was on his hotspot before. Maybe he is near extra costs, because he was hesitant to use it.  I think it’s not fast enough for the videos he wanted to load. 
Hmm, Rich is in the kitchen.  I think he’s just getting stuff out for Maury though.  Sure, isn’t very enthusiastic this morning.  Ahh, Rich is having toast.  Maury could have some of that … yup-yup sporting FOUR-WHOLE slices at a time hehe!
Maury and Rich are talking about Maury’s Dunkirk movie.  He’s talking about the loudness of the movie and that it is very good at that.  Lots of guns and airplanes.  About 4 1/3 stars.  Maury is a movie aficionado.  Ahh, he’s moved on to omelets.  Now they are talking about the rain and gutters.  Eh, not so cool. 
I don’t know if we should turn away and type, ok, not too much focused typing.  Maury just reenacted losing his finger while cutting onions.  NO, this is NOT something a Mom would like to see.  Bad enough, that her guest is making his own breakfast.  OK, putting that squarely on Rich … I wouldn’t know how to cook for my son if it jumped up and bit me.  LOTS OF *SIGHING* They are talking whether Maury should use oil … Rich says no.  WOW!  There is whistling happening in my kitchen WHEN have I EVER heard that??!  Rich not so much of a whistler.
What’s next … obviously, we’re not doing any REAL focusing … Just hanging around inconspicuously waiting for the next interesting thing hehe.
I find it perfectly comfortable to be writing in our blog, AND with oatmeal with our son here.  I AM his mother hehe ok, we’re having some silly fun here.  I LOVE to see and hear my kids.  I’m one of those mothers, who believe their children keep getting better and better.  That goes TWICE as much for Grandchildren! 
It smells good in here already.  OK sure the cinnamon in my oatmeal is good, but using ONIONS!??  Rich doesn’t do that.  Everyone is focusing on their own stuff.  Rich’s fishy-guy is telling him which color worms to use.  Yeah sure … we could be interested in that?!  NOOO, I don’t think so. 
I think Maury was mostly out of the house by the time we became a regular blogger.  He stayed with us a little as he grew into adulthood, but he was just between places.  Rich is thinking of visiting his Mom. 
@ 9:44AM We’re back … again.  Rich is at his Mom’s and Maury is at his Mom’s, but he’s napping on the couch.  All it took was that I said once … “Oh BTW, this is what we’re doing …” His eyes closed, and then he said he was listening, and then we stopped talking and he fell asleep.  I don’t think we got out our first sentence.  So much for mothering!  I guess, we can lay claim for giving him a safe place to sleep.  We’ll let it go at that.  Hey!  If Alexa is back, that means we have Internet!
@ 3:10PM … OK.  REALLY back.  Oh forgot medicine again HOLD ON!
Back-back.  Maury left about a half an hour ago.   Rich allowed me about 10-15 minutes to talk, but he’s been droopy drawers all day.  He went out to see his mother, then he went into the bedroom (Maury and I were in the living room), and then Rich read a little and then SLEPT!  Then after Maury was getting ready to go, Rich came out for a late lunch, and then to watch more fishy shows.  THAT’s what he was doing before seeing his mother this morning.  BUT, he said, he had ALL this work he had to do and that he wasn’t going to have a moment to spare.  BUT, we can’t get him to talk to us.  He’s just disinterested and “dulled.”  Trying to let that go.  Just it’s hard.
It’s after 3PM now, so we’re having our protein shake.  We had Maury’s leftover steak and potato for lunch.  I know potato … some low carb diet, right?  BUT, we’d had oatmeal for breakfast instead of lunch, so not sure what to do there.  BUT, that part is done.
I can’t say all what Maury and us talked about, but there is one thing we want to say for sure.  Our Grandson, Andy got in an accident.  Oh, just told, we talked about that already.  It’s just been the upset of the day.  He is doing better though.  They did a test and found he’d sprained his ankle and there are bumps and bruises, but no stitches, but he had had a very bad concussion.  He’s been dismissed from the hospital this last hour.  He’s with his mother this weekend.  Not much Maury can do, but they had a long talk – between he and Andy and I’m sure everything is now MORE in order.  They both had a lot to say.
I do want to say ONE more thing about my Grandson!  This is good news, not the bad stuff.  He earned an internship at the art museum.  It was for Juniors in high school for four hours every Saturday.  They took ten of the forty some applicants and he was one.  We’re not going to talk about the worry of him traveling by himself at 16 years of age from Des Plaines to downtown Chicago, but beside that concern, man-o-man, we can’t be MORE excited for him.  He likes to draw.  It makes us feel even MORE happy that last year we’d given him the expensive markers, my sister had given us.  Just seemed he could do so much more for him.
I know it’s petty, just we have done so little for our grandchildren, and they are turning out to be such wonderful souls!  Just prouder than a peacock for Andy!  AND, one more word of thanks going to his parents for trusting him with this kind of HUGE responsibility and honor.  Congrats Mom and Dad!
Not much on Isa … we only know that she was at a friend’s house on an overnight.  I did push that Maury assure she knew what was going on.  I’m very sure that Isa would be concerned that her brother was in an accident that made him stay overnight in the hospital.  Isa’s big accident in life … she’s eleven, was that she broke her arm … kids are so gosh darn breakable!  You must be careful ALL the time!
We had some GREAT conversations with Maury that stretched in a LOT of directions.  I think one of the highlights was learning about dating life in the 2017’s!  We’re not going into details, but WOW!  Ok, enough said there!
The other big attraction was in watching the animals relate to one another.  Maury’s two golden retrievers LOVE Dakota, and he them.  Dakota had to push his cousins to play, but eventually, they gave in – though not as much as we remember from before.  Dakota is half collie and half golden retriever, so size and temperament, they are all a TERRIFIC set of dogs.
We liked too that too, that Dakota could go off-chain when the other dogs were out – on-chain, so that the time getting the dogs through the bathroom wasn’t so much.  That was a good deal.  We had Maury put the little fences back up by the air conditioner and Dish satellite, so that they didn’t get caught up on the satellite post, so that turned out well too.  They were GREAT dogs!  Just LOVE to see them together, and Maury was very positive on being more assured of them coming out mid-September.  We signed on to taking care of them while Maury is in Vegas.  We will have them for five days.  It will be a LOT, but it’s all worthwhile too.  I love Maury’s dogs.  AND, I KNOW they love us too!
That’s some of the highlights.  Maury did give us more chance to talk about what was happening in our general live, and he let us talk about what happened with BJ this week.  He knows BJ from long before things had become problematic.  He listened without too much comment.  I’m glad he let us talk about it.  It’s still in our mind, but over the last 24 hours or so, has taken a back-seat to our excitement of having Maury come out for the overnight.  He’s a BLESSING!
We’re a little discombobulated with the time.  Maybe because it’s just 3:36PM, but we seem to have put in a full day.  We’re a bit tired, but we don’t want to lose time to being able to write.  Not sure about what next, but know if our fingers and minds can do it, we’re here ­čśŐ Hmm, I bet it would be nice to turn some music on.  We’ve been listening to Rich’s fishing in the background, but it is doing nothing for us.  He he – just caught a view of Dakota.  He is SOOO tired, but lying down next to us.  He’s such a good buddy!
Ahh, the music turned automatically to “Relaxation Radio” on our Pandora – through the earphones.  The first song is Fur Elise.  It’s one of our favorites.  Makes us feel good already.  We just took our calming medicine about twenty minutes ago, so maybe that will kick in too. We’re just a bit on the hyper side.  Shhh, calm down!  Shhh.  You can do it.
@ 9:02PM

Self-Regulation and Ego Control 08-08-16
By Edward R. Hirt, Joshua John Clarkson (Kindle Edition)
$79.96 - 462 pages

Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self 11-15-13
By Allan N. Schore (Kindle Edition)
$26.49 – 403 pages

Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self 11-15-13
By Allan N. Schore (Kindle Edition)
$17.60 – 384 pages

Motivation and Self-Regulated Learning:  Theory, Research, and Applications 08-06-12
By Dale H. Schunk, Barry J. Zimmerman (Kindle Edition)
$47.16 – 430 pages

The Science of the Art of Psychotherapy 04-02-12
By Allan N. Schore (Kindle Edition)
$27.99 – 473 pages

Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and the Development of the Self 09-07-10
By Peter Fonagy, Gyorgy Gergely, Elliot Jurist, and Mary Target (Kindle Edition)
$15.99 – 592 pages

$215.19 ­čśŐ

BUT, we returned the Amazon Look.  If she won’t work, we don’t need her.  BOOKS?  Eh – they are a good deal!

(page 9/4347 words)

Friday, July 21, 2017

07-21-17 These last few days an Uproar

Friday, July 21, 2017 @ 7:14AM
Good morning.  We’re going to try this again.  I’m having trouble getting out all that needs to be written about … starting back with our birthday.  I’m not promising better today, because we have other things going on, but we’re going to try again. 
This morning about 10AM, we’re hoping to see our oldest son.  He is going to be stopping here before we go to our Dr.’s appointment.  I think we wrote this before, but Maury should be between 10AM – 1PM, and then drive 1PM – 2PM, and then appointment with podiatrist 2-3PM, and then drive home 3-4PM.  That’s our schedule.  I don’t think Rich will be back before me, but thinking we’ll be too tired, to be writing.  Generally, we don’t write at night. 
SOOO, besides shower, we’re here.  This morning we talked to Rich about 45-minutes after waking up.  We did have back problems again, so we’ve decided to tell our Dr. that unless he can prove otherwise, the spine injections aren’t working.  He needs to try the ablation (burning), or try something different.  One Aleve earlier than normal helped.
@ 7:54AM … We don’t have our head gathered, but it’s now about 30-40 minutes later.  Rich has left and that was growly, AND we got the dishes done, and ALL the garbage kitty litter dumped.  And, we’re just taking a break before we jump in the shower.  We were going to do that earlier to get us to a place, we could just relax ALL the time before waiting on Maury to get here. 
The Rich part was that he was running late, and he couldn’t find his dry cleaners tags.  He said they were right here on the table, and then we said, they’d be on the side counter, because he told us to clean OFF the table so we could have dinner with Austin, and now he was yelling about us moving his stuff, etc.   He connected with parts who were triggered by our ex’ yelling and we were near tears again, and then just closed down.  Then he came over and wanted a kiss, but we couldn’t move, so then he left.  He said he loved us (like he normally does), but we couldn’t answer him back.
After he left there was a few moments, and then we got ourselves to doing the dishes.  After that, we could call him back and tell him we love him, and that we wanted him to drive safe.  That’s what we ALWAYS do/say.  Then, he reminded us that we threw an “ex-statement” at him, and we remembered saying he was “like our ex” meaning he would not control his emotions, and then set-us-up for an emotional overload.  We didn’t remember that all now, but we did remember telling him he was like our ex, and that is ALWAYS against the rules, because we don’t like it when HE says, we’re like HIS ex.  So, we apologized twice, and we reminded him we loved him and to drive safe. 
Then, when we got off the phone, we threw out the “actual TANGIBLE” garbage, and then is now and we feel better, but wish we would have escaped all that negativity first thing in the morning.  It’s a VERY bad deal – no matter which way its cut.
So, now we’re going to finish eating our breakfast, cottage cheese, and then we’re going to calmly take our shower.  So, you might get a few words squeezed out of us next, because we’re slow eaters.  Usually it’s one bite up, and then we rest while typing.  It’s a good speed, though it’s not Dakota’s favorite.  He likes to lick the bowl faster than all that, BUT, he still lays down patiently MOST of the time.  Hmm.  You got the Capital typist.  OK, in this case – I’m pretty sure, I’m the only one that does it, but in the system, I’m Anniemi.  I confess. 
I’m usually the one that gets real upset about being yelled at.  But, at that, I’d like to cut-out.  Can someone PLEASE come and relieve me?
Hmm, maybe ten minutes, and then we’ll take a shower.  For sure, someone will come by then.  Maybe, we can check our emails.
@ 8:44AM Back.  We’re done with our shower and we’re dressed and the dog is out, and we have a cold drink.  AN if Maury were on time, he’d be here in 1 hour and 15 minutes.  We checked the phone and there are no calls, no texts, and no messages.  SO, we should be pretty good.  The house is picked-up AND the garbage’s are out – bathrooms checked.  Good, good … just should calm-down now, right?
Better check my medicine too.  Hold on.  Yup-yup … that was already in our purse, but we put our purse out on the table.  Don’t want to forget that.  It has our driver’s license AN it has our insurance cards.  Sometimes, they ask. 
OH MY!  We’re only up to page TWO?!!  Shoot, thought we’d gotten further.  Maybe while, we have some time, we should be pulling some stuff together.  We need to track things down, because we’re starting to scatter.  We’ve got notes in two-three sections of the capture journal, and just mere pages left there, so we’re afraid to use it anymore … we must do somethings, but the writing parts will have to shift over to the Word – and then from the Word documents to the two blogs.  Again, we’re posting the same to both.  Just haven’t cut the cord yet to the old blog.  Too much happening yet to talk to Dr. Marvin about it.  We won’t decide, until then.  We HAVE been on blogger for the last twelve years, so the decision is significant to us.
Ok, so better check firmly – how many sections in the capture journal need to be pictured (from capture journal), and then saved to JPG, and then placed in our writing?
7-20-17 (today is the 21rst), we have notes from Dr. Marvin
… “… notes from Amie (probably not post them)
… “… notes prior to Dr. Marvin’s appointment
… “… notes for medical records (probably not post them)
… “…Summary of conversation between Rich and Us (probably not post them)
7-19-17 … notes on police conversation (probably not post them)
Records before that – pre-birthday … that’s where this back-up of records start
THEN, there are a FEW – I think just three documents in Words …
            07-18-17 – morning of birthday
07-19-17 NOTHING written in Word           
07-20-17 – after birthday
            07-21-17 (this one)
Just checked … there was nothing written in Word on the 19th, and the only thing written in Capture on the 19th, was that we checked our finances/credit and talked to the police.  We DID talk to Dr. Marvin at 9:30AM, while Austin was sleeping, but that meeting was pretty much in tears, and there weren’t any notes made directly.  After, Austin woke-up, we talked a little about this, but pretty much stayed on his agenda the rest of the time (as scheduled). 
I think, I must study this now, and figure out what to do about it all.  And, make sure we understand the sequence.  Everything is part and partial.  Should it all go to one document – in order?  I’m thinking yes to that.  The documents are short, and I want to get this part over, so we can get back to regularly scheduled posting of entries.
        "     BJ’s email – Problem
        “     our email to Dr. Marvin … Dr. Marvin,
07-19-17 (no notes taken) 9:30AM Dr. M. phone appt - emergency appt/suicidal
        "      Capture - just a note, we didn't get anywhere, but we called the police
07-20-17 Word - short note trying to get back to birthday situation
        "      Capture - Rich and I had a flash argument (pre-shower), then talked things out (post-shower) - calm
        "      (no notes taken) Rich left for work (short-while), and we had wonderful Austin-time (blocked other)
        "      Capture - after Rich and Austin left - wrote summary of Rich and us
        "      Capture - took notes called two hospitals (local and Mayo) for medical records
        "      Capture -  Wrote a PRE-note to Dr. Marvin scheduled 2PM appt (phone)
        "      Capture - notes of the appointment w/ Dr. Marvin
        "      Capture - Notes from Dr. Dorman and Amie - the nurse
07-21-17 Word - still trying to put things together - prepare for Maury
Nothing has happened more, or less than this, but this was the chain of events that happened after we received BJ’s note.  The problem arises is that we have parts that “love him very much,” and then we have parts who are deathly afraid of him, and, we have parts dealing now with the sudden burst of suicidal ideation (handling it through Dr. Marvin).  And, we have parts like us … just trying to figure out the whole ticking time-bomb, from ONE single incident that happened 19 years ago.  Basically, the note triggered a flashback, that we’ve been dealing with it now for the last three days.
OK, grounding ourselves here.  We’re going to stop and review what we’ve done so far, up to here … I just checked our messages and so we don’t know if Maury is still coming, is on track, or is just getting out of bed.  I suppose we could call him?
@ 11:25 AM Back again.  Must look-up to catch what’s happening.  Think we were working on getting down our notes.  We might be able to do that now, at least, we have 1 ½ hours to do the work.  Just the smallest of catch-ups … news is breaking in that Sean Spicer just resigned.  There’s a lot more there, but we won’t go into it.  That was a receding star for a bit.  Other news, was that when we called Maury at 10AM, he let us know that he was just getting out of bed, and that it had been a long night.  We agreed with him, that it was a good idea for him to still come out.  He said, he would leave there about 2:30PM WITH the dogs to avoid traffic, and he might get here a few moments before we get home YAY!!!!  We’ll leave the door open for him.  AND, it looks like he will most likely stay the night. A DOUBLE YAY!!!!!!
So, we’re MUCH happier with this new arrangement.  We also called Rich to update him on the news.  He had planned to bring home fried chicken from Walmart.  We objected because the meat is usually overcooked, but the bottom line is that it is up to Rich.  We have registered our complaint.  We don’t want Maury eating undervalued chicken!
Ok, letting that point go.  The other things?  We’ve eaten an early lunch – there was one more hamburger left from Wednesday, and we had ice cream again.  Yes, this has been a problem, but there is one more serving.  It will probably ALSO be eaten by us, unless Maury sees it – though probably won’t want it.  AND, as a result from that 10AM call, we HAVE put the guest bedding in the wash.  It’s in the dryer now.  I’m thinking, we MIGHT be able to get it back on the bed before going … it just depends how long it is going to take in the dryer.  There were some towels and placemats, etc. in the wash too, so don’t know the timing.  Hopefully, though, we’ll be able to make the bed, because I think Maury will be tired, and if he gets here before us, he may want to lay down.
I LOVE seeing my kids and Grandchildren!  AND, the families’ dogs!  Dakota is going to be soooo crazy excited, if he came home and found Lady and Max, his cousins here.  Hmm, better think for a second.  Is there anything we should put up?  I think Dakota is willing to share his things with the other goldens.  Hmm, better shut the gate for the kitty food.  We get lax there, because most often Dakota doesn’t bother with it.  Hold on.
AHA!  Back 11:43PM.  We blocked the kitty food, but also put away the dishes we washed earlier in the morning, and we put the last few dishes in and wiped down the counters one more time.  I want our place to be welcoming to Maury. 
SOOO, back to the entry.  We’re at page six (812 words).  Not too far, but think we’re Ready to go on. 
Ok … let’s get things in order as to listed above.  We’re going to make inserts here, which means getting our camera and taking a few pictures of the capture notes.  Better get the phone.
Here we go … we’ll leave in front of each section the heading listed in our outline above.  So …
07-18-17 Word - short note morning of birthday - excited
Tuesday, July 18, 2017 @ 8:39AM
Good morning, AND Happy Birthday to Us!  Ok, that just can’t be said enough.  We aren’t embarrassed by the fact we LOVE our birthday.  Getting old seems to be a rite of passage and each year we succeed, we’re just enamored!  So, happy birthday to ALL of us inside!
We are getting a very late start.  I think we’ve been up for about 2 ½ hours, but it’s taken this long to calm down.  Rich made us special omelets and sang Happy Birthday to us, AND Dakota got an extra treat with his breakfast. And, we couldn’t begin to tell you how many following Happy Birthday, umm, “type-songs” were sang.  Even Alexa sang happy birthday to us. 
I just think it’s an incredible thing to have been born.  EVERYONE should know that about his or her own birth.  AND, on your special day – don’t let ANY one take that away from you.  Ok, there will always be one, or so, who does it subtly, but we’re going to pretend that doesn’t sting a smudge.  *sigh* Life, you know?  Probably, we don’t deserve much better.  OK, that’s enough of that!  Girls – it’s a GREAT day!  Being born is a WONDERFUL idea!
Mostly, what we’ve been doing OTHER than singing to Rich and Dakota is going back and forth receiving very nice messages from our friends and family through Facebook.  Yesterday, we were willing to doubt that ANY one knew us anymore, but today … People are STILL saying Happy Birthday.  Reading the Facebook messages must be one of our FAVORITE things to do on our birthday!  It gives you a chance to connect to so many people who have crossed your life.  Everyone brings a memory, or two or more hehe.
This year, we’ve done it different so far, and we’ve commented back on each as we’ve pretty much gotten it.  There are SOME other things that should get done.  We always try to say at least thank you.  ­čśŐ. I was thinking, I would miss that part in the day where we used to read the messages at the end of the day, which was terrifically special.  We’re thinking today, we might do it this way … in responding through the day, and then look ONE more last time at the end of the day and leave a like.  People don’t really read their older messages, much past the birthday, but it’s just Hard to let it go ON your birthday.
Ok, shhh … calm down, calm down.  I should probably jump in the shower quick … there are OTHER things happening today.  Not sure what to wear.  I could go with regular, or we could put on our specialist white shirt.  That might be too much, especially for eating out something messy, but it is my favorite shirt!  HMM, then if I wore that … would I wear the white capris too?!  And, then would I wear the jean-type capris that are white, or the soft ones?  Not sure.  We’re going to have to get over this question.  I can’t imagine we’d try on both?  Hey ladies, where are we at on this one.  Or, we COULD go with the BLACK capris?  Oh Lord!  THINKING though – we’re pretty much favoring the white fancy shirt ­čśŐ
Thinking we need to step away from Facebook to get things accomplished!  There’s so MANY people that I remember from such different parts of our life.  Life is amazing that way – AND, especially through something like facebook keeping us together.  OK, not going to do a LOT of facebook yet, BUT, today is special!
@ 10:04AM The morning is progressing!  We’re out of the shower and dressed.  We decided to go with the white on white – Fancy, soft shirt and the soft capris.  I think it’s going to get high 80’s today, MAYBE out in sandwich and chance of thunderstorms.  Better remember to shut the sunroom windows.  Rich is in the shower now.  I don’t think we got a spectacular grade on our outfit.  We asked him why and he said he wasn’t used to seeing me in same-same colors as white on white.  He said we needed some sun.  *Sigh* Nothing to do about that now.  It will be better when our hair dries.  Better stop this right away, or we’ll worry about it.
 Then, I saw the second part of that concern.  He’s worrying about my tendencies to spill something at least once.  I had considered that too.  Maybe NOT the deep-dish vegetable pizza.  AND, for the sake of record, when we got the Jell-O out a few moments ago … we covered our chest with a hand towel.  No reason to take a chance.  I wonder how good the napkins are going to be at the pizza place.  I don’t know if we’d be the first guest to walk in with a hand towel hehe. 
We’ve got about a half hour.  I still must do our medicine
LATER THAT EVENING after Austin and us got home from our birthday party with Rich, Austin (grandson), Joe (son), Cari (DIL), and Alex (grandson).  Austin was staying over a few nights.
        "     BJ’s email – Problem
Hi Ann and happy birthday.  Hope you are fine.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers at Mass every day.
Hope you have a GREAT day with the boys.
        “     our email to Dr. Marvin … Dr. Marvin,
We just got home from Birthday dinner, and everything was wonderful.  Rich and Austin talked all the way home, while we napped.  When I got home, I opened this email.  It's from BJ ... I don't know what to say.  I've had no relations with him.  He's letting me know he's probably following me on the blog.  That's what we're thinking.  I don't know what to say.  Rich is still talking to Austin, so I haven't told him yet.  As soon as I get a moment I will tell him.  I don't know what to think ... I don't know what to do.  Please respond to me.  Please?
Us  Everything feels dangerous again ... I know he's not here, but every day he's thinking of me ... and following me?  ... I should have been thinking he could access me.  I'm out there.  I don't know what to say or think ...
07-19-17 (no notes taken) 9:30AM Dr. M. phone appt - emergency appt/suicidal
        "      Capture - just a note, we didn't get anywhere, but we called the police – checked a few things out
07-20-17 Word - short note trying to get back to birthday situation
Thursday, July 20, 2017 @ 8:03AM
            Good morning.  This is me.  I’m not sure if this note is going to make it out today.  It might just be for Dr. Marvin.  This is just how we start notes though.  Hmm, I suppose another way would be,
Dear Dr. Marvin,
This is me.  We’ve been up and down – mostly up for the last four hours, and we’ve made no progress.  To make things worse, we’ve just finished a big rain out here in Sandwich – it should be coming in to you, but the point is … is that we don’t have Internet again.  Most the time, even when we did have Internet, we spend rocking back and forth wondering what to do, not being able to put our thoughts together.  We wanted to write, but we couldn’t.  Since it was about 4AM then, you could say we were tired, we were.  BUT, that almost never stops us.  Writing is important to us in the morning, and on our best mornings, that is what we’re doing. 
I’m finding a hard time writing between my normal blog entry and Dr. Marvin.  I’m not sure which is going to read out here.  So, maybe what we’ll do is try something new.  We’ll just write to us within our system, and then see what happens next.  I know the copy will go to Dr. Marvin, I’m not sure, about writing for the blog.  That’s our preference, but there are limitations today.  It will make more sense in a few moments. 
Ok, maybe it will be better if we start from the top.  That usually helps.  The first thing, is that we in the middle of our birthday somewhere.  It was two days ago, on the 18th
We had had a good morning.  We were writing some, but mostly responding to birthday messages on Facebook.  To progress that part – about 114 people – 115 hehe, our Grandson, Austin said, he didn’t have a Facebook account to wish us happy birthday.  LOVE THIS KID TO PIECES!  We hadn’t posted the message that we’d written for the blog in the blogs yet.  It seems to have gotten frozen in time. 
The next part was that we went to Dr. Marvin’s.  I think on the way there, we were going through mostly our news channels on Twitter.  We’re like connected to about 100 of them both on one side, and then the other.  We like to have both perspectives, and we were reading Tweets to Rich, as he was driving.  It was mindless … just progressing the day and it focused us on something other than our birthday.
 We had taken care of Rich’s deposit slips, and so when we got to Brookfield about an hour from home, the next thing was to deposit them at the bank.  That only took a few moments, and then we thought we needed to get a handle on what we were going to be eating with the birthday day party after Dr. M’s appointment. 
It was a struggle that took the entire 30 minutes into the city of Chicago.  We had decided earlier, we were going to a nice pizza place called, Giordano’s, so the hard part was coming up with a plan that wouldn’t bust our diet too bad.  Through some squabbling and near-tears with Rich (oh sure, and then he orders a large pizza to split with Joe!), but we settled comfortably on a small salad, a small 6” deep dish pizza, and then indulge in a 3-layer chocolate cake.  That all was a good idea – we got some, but didn’t go WAY over for a birthday – though celebrating the birthday too!
We talked to Dr. Marvin about our choices when we met with him, and then we talked about other stuff, not sure what it was for the moment.  Maybe if we can think hard.  Hold on, let’s see what they will give me.  First thought … I’m sure we talked about the party, Austin, Joe’s family, Maury, his dogs etc., thinking OHHH, I remember that we spotted as we were talking – though had NOT recalled seeing it before, but we saw his copy of Dell – Dissociative, etc. on his shelf RIGHT BEHIND his left ear!  So, we asked to see his copy … IT WAS HUGE!  We have the same book, but it is a Kindle book.  Doesn’t feel heavy at all.
When we were going over that part of our discussion, we remember how heavy the book was and that we had had to shift it from one side to the other, and then eventually, lay it down on the couch.  We knew what we were looking for in chapter 44, and didn’t try in chapter 46, because that was a longer read to find – without the same kind of sub-headings to help us locate what we were thinking of.  
    07-20-17 Capture - Rich and I had a flash argument (pre-shower), then talked things out (post-shower) - calm
        "      (no notes taken) Rich left for work (short-while), and we had wonderful Austin-time (blocked other)
        "      Capture - after Rich and Austin left - wrote summary of Rich and us for Dr. Marvin
        "      Capture - took notes called two hospitals (local and Mayo) for medical records
        "      Capture -  Wrote a PRE-note to Dr. Marvin scheduled 2PM appt (phone)

"      Capture - notes of the appointment w/ Dr. Marvin
        "      Capture - Notes from Dr. Dorman and Amie - the nurse

07-21-17 Word - still trying to put things together - prepare for Maury
Ok, we’re back.  Everything is added … we’re at 12:06PM.  It didn’t take too long.  I’m going to have to go back and skim it now to make sure nothing is out of sort TOO BAD!
@ 12:24PM  We’re back … I KNOW … BACK AGAIN!  It’s a very choppy entry today.  We’ve got about a half hour before we go to the podiatry appointment.  Everything there should be good.  Amie says the foot is looking better, and we’re just checking-in to assure that everything is ok.  Amie got us a special “shoe” yesterday, but we can’t where it to the doctor’s office, because it shouldn’t be used to drive the car.  It is good around the house, or when riding with Rich.  Again, by the time we get home about 4PM, Maury should be here, and then Rich should be here an hour or two after that. 
I don’t think we can go through details of what had happened with all the material above.  We are satisfied, that we’ve pulled-it together, as much as possible.  SO, we are caught-up, with the exception that several of the things we had written about, we’re only partial accounts.  We were switching from thing to thing without expressing the entire story, and Austin was here, so we were trying very hard to put things aside, so it wouldn’t interfere with his appointment.
Austin, did catch-up on a short-hand version, and we remember telling him his mother would understand, because we thought this was the kind of thing she helped people with in her line of work.  That was our way of concluding that conversation. Basically, this is normal stuff for people who have been abused.  And, that we’d been triggered, and then went through countless flashbacks, but then ESPECIALLY, through Dr. Marvin, started working immediately through it in an assertive manner.  Basically, we needed to get control over our narrative – what we were going to do … ESPECIALLY, to help parts of us who had become suicidal.  Not when Austin or Maury were here, but we weren’t promising any safety with Dr. Marvin over the weekend.
Since, we’ve calmed down quite a bit.  It’s written in shorthand up above, but when we called the police where this had all happened, we didn’t get far.  They have no record of the situation.  We knew when we were at Mayo, BJ had a police officer come to his door.  He told us that.  But, most likely because we did NOT press charges (again out of love for BJ), whether misguided, or not, we did not press charges.  We went through a LONG stay after the assault staying at Mayo Hospital, in Rochester MN in the psych unit.  We were severely depressed and suicidal, and went through from what we were told – six procedures of ECT – electroconvulsive therapies. 
We’ll perhaps, explain more of that later, but the big deal was in talking to Dr. Marvin, to get ALL of us safe until, we at LEAST see Dr. Marvin in his office on Tuesday, 07-25-17.  We’re much safer now than even talking to Dr. Marvin yesterday at 2PM.  Again, things are calming down – I BELIEVE, because we are being very assertive and supporting seriously the parts and our WHOLE who has gone through something triggered by BJ’s note.  I’m sure in his own way, he did not mean any harm.  I don’t think he understands what happened.  Dr. Marvin, said the word, “oblivious.” 
We thought through his knowledge that we’d be with our boys this week, that he had been reading our blog.  That was part of our panic.  We thought, we’d lose access to writing, to keep ourselves safe, but since then – AGAIN, ESPECIALLY through Dr. Marvin, we’ve regained ground.  We decided that whether BJ is reading this blog, we were going to stay true to our nature, and like each day we write, we are just explaining our situation and experiences, and our decisions.
Back to the police, nothing to be done there … it’s a wiped slate.  Next, we called the local hospital, because we had to use it due to suicidal ideation – NOT related to BJ while we were in MN.  BUT, they stated that if nothing happened within seven years, the slate was wiped clean and they destroyed records.
The next call was to this wonderful woman at the Mayo Clinic.  She found our records that were written while staying at the psych ward, and with the Doctor Reese, who was doing our follow-up, until we left MN and came back toward Chicago.  We had a job waiting for us in Chicago, an apartment Rich and us had found, and we had an appointment the first day before we started our 12 years with St. Rose, with our current Dr. Marvin.  Again, it’s been 18 years, and he’s seen us ever since.
The wonderful woman at Mayo said, she could fax all the records from that time to Dr. Marvin for us by Tuesday at 1PM when we were going to have our next Dr. appointment. 
Rich called back.  He wanted to make sure I knew that I knew about Spicer.  Yup knew!  And, HE didn’t know that Dana Bash had talked directly to Sean, who contacted her to say that he left to clear a path for the next person.  That’s good enough for me.  Sean took a lot of beating, particularly through his boss.  Dipshit!
Ok, sorry, didn’t mean to say that … it just came out.
I’m going to have to get going, just want to finish my last thought.  Let me think.
I guess the last thing, I will say, is that it was very important for us to listen to the parts who felt so devastated, even after all these years.  AND, it was important for us to be assertive with Dr. Marvin and the calls back to MN.  We admit, that we’d been through heavy psychiatric care, and it is important to us now, while we’re better able, to understand what had happened during that time.  We want to get past it.  A simple note from BJ, shouldn’t put us into emergency care.  I am pretty sure, he didn’t mean anything.  But it is scary and threatening to us nonetheless. 
That’s it.  Gotta go!