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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Working through the day - stay tuned girl!

Good morning … this is me. We’re up to Tuesday so far. We left off on Sunday. We were being pretty excited because Julie was editing our work. We’re still excited … last time we heard she was about 110 or so pages into it. We’ve set up a goal to finish by the end of the weekend, but if she can’t make that deadline we’ll extend it. It’s important to get her expertise in on the project. I’m really confident with what we’ve seen already. I am not sure what kind of time she has this morning, but we sent her instructions on how to get the document back to Word doc or docx. That way I’ll be able to work through her corrections. She has been writing in red or blue. Red is for the correction itself and blue is for commenting to me in some regard.

I love when she’s working on things because there are comments sent back and forth from the Facebook notes. It’s like we are learning to synchronize our minds. It was funny yesterday I put a picture of Missy and Chief on our Facebook page. She must have been on at the time, because she sent back a message asking if this was Missy and Chief. She’s already gaining information on us that she’s identifying with. It made me happy, but it’s something to set back with too and note that it is different. We were already multiplying it by all the people we knew or didn’t know having so much information on our selves. It’s really quite a big deal and we’re thinking will be part of our conversation with Dr. M.

I’m very glad that Julie is reading it first … she’s been extremely positive and that’s most likely the kindest thing you can do for a nervous young author.

I was going up to CS for the weekend, but we decided against it. We’ve been sending back and forth emails and we’re not sure how things are at right now. Since I sent the last note, I would imagine she is madder than me, because I’ve gotten a chance to get my feelings and thoughts out, but now she is going to have to either acknowledge the letter or she will avoid or pretend that it’s not there. She said that Emily has said she was coming. I thought that was fine because someone would be with her. I think more than one or two is too much for her right now. So we’ll choose another weekend when there isn’t so much going on to go up and address issues. If she’s not up to me to be handling a note, she wouldn’t be able to yet handle me in person.

There was part too that I have to watch after myself. I’m much too frustrated to be in a situation where I’m stuck with not only my moods, but hers. I may be pressing my boundaries, but basically we’re pushing her to get out of bed as a routine and put her mind to better use. That’s the gist of it. I sent a note to the twins and Emily. It was very brief and just pointed out that CS and us have something to work through and I’d go up on a weekend where we could focus on just that.

Hmm, we just went through something like used to happen where we get knocked out. Not like a boxer, but that we can’t keep our eyes open or think past a couple of sentences. It is like falling asleep, but if it is it is while we are sitting straight up. I was trying to finish reading through the correspondence I had just talked about. Dr. Marvin and us already have a lot to talk about, but I will bring it in – in case there is time. I want to go over basically the structure of the conversation. Maybe this means I should be putting it in some kind of order that is faster to read, but I want him to sometimes here her so that he can come to his own educated opinions without my loop in it. I’m also subjecting my thoughts written to him in the back and forth notes between my sister and us so he can see how I’m handling the relationship. Maybe he can give me some better cues. I know I can be overwhelming and I don’t mean to do that to her, but I just get sooo ruffled and I think I’m going to explode with it.

It’s very difficult not being able to trust the conversation, because sometimes our realities are just that much different. She’s starting in my opinion to get paranoid. She thinks Mark is out to sabotage her schedule as a way of making sure she is home when he needs her. She claims that he is the dependent one and then brings up how she had discussed with his therapist the issue of his dependence. She is feeling put upon by him asking for small tasks to be accomplished and she complains about him waking her up to talk about his day at work. She is frustrated because she is doing housekeeping, laundry and taking care of animals and she thinks that is sufficient and she continues to blame him for making her go to the church though last time she said she went to put structure in her day. She was also paranoid that Mark and I had talked of her medical issues and that we assumed she wasn’t old enough to make her own decisions. Then she blamed me for being the one who was thinking she was always being sick rather than being someone just acting out being sick. And, she’s still saying that her fibromyalgia is due to the stress Mark and we are putting on her. She thinks that it is us not allowing her to sew and she said that Mark took her keys forcing her to stay home even though it has to be acknowledged that he needs his car to keep up his 85 hours of work a week.

Ok, we are off on another track. We were sending and did send out an email to Dr. Marvin. We sent him the 12 pages of correspondence, but also sent him the above long paragraph so he could get a quicker picture. I need reassurance as to whether or not I’m reading things right. Shoot, shoot. I forgot that I will be going to see Dr. Marvin on Friday this week. The letter just came back saying he was out of the office from yesterday afternoon through Thursday, and that he’ll be back Friday morning. I had forgotten he had said something about a switch in days. We didn’t realize it had been this week though, but it seems apparent. I’m pretty sure that the appointment time is being kept. I will have to allow that into my thoughts of being on staff appreciation day. It might mean going out with staff then coming home to rest and then going into Dr. Marvin’s from there. It shouldn’t be too bad. And, I have to remember that Rich won’t be in.

Yesterday, Rich found out from one of his fishy friends that someone had to cancel and they had a boat needing a backseater. Rich pretty much felt this was a calling from the Fishing Gods. He’d been so much up in the air about it. I think he needed to feel needed before he was going to have to spend that much extra time and money on the event. He did decide to go and he will be leaving tomorrow (Wednesday) through Sunday. We had talked about me going up north, but you’ve heard that all was a bearcat.

The other thing is that I’ve sent out and got a correspondence back from Helen. I need to be careful that I send out just once a day – usually in the morning. Helen writes back very quickly, but I’ve got other things that need to be done as well. Poor Rich tried sneaking in some time too. I took care of the small task he’d asked me from home, but then he wanted to come in and tell me a few things one being a joke. I was like AHEM! Busy! Helen does have interesting things on her mind. She’s a real thinker. I think she’s had some pretty harsh situations too, but seems to be on the better side of life. She said her husband proposed to her in front of 650 Bikers - Hehehe ok … that’s enough personality for the moment.

What’s next? Let’s see … we called Carolyn, but we don’t have too much to report. We left a phone message to her. Poor girl, I wonder how many authors’ hands she’s held through this process? I’m thinking that I might do some editing work. We’ve been listening to Harry Chapin. Rich said before leaving that he would meet us at home tonight and that we’d go out. He’s mentioned some kind of LaGrange Tavern – must be a bit of a sports bar. I think most places on the main strip of LaGrange are pretty yuppy. Mostly it means that things are safe.

There are certain things Rich does before his fishing trips. One of the things is to take me out to dinner … I tell him he doesn’t have to, but then I asked if it was buying off guilt for leaving me. He said yes, so we said ok. That’ll work.

Ok, then that is the deal. Better look for the flash drive. I haven’t heard anything from Julie today so we are thinking she’s run into a busy spell. I guess it is just really me and me. Oh Lordy, let’s not feel down here, k ladies? I’ve seen that mope face before – it us time to get you back into things. Hmm, one more thing … have we checked our horoscope lately. That seems to still be going on.

Hmm, it says we have a lot of friends and that we are having a lot of trouble appreciating how loved and respected we are. Well, I guess that’s a thought. It doesn’t seem like I really know or are cared for by anyone. But, in that I figure I should read on because it said something I remember from this morning about feeling sorry for you. Yup yup there it is … it says sometimes we get lost in worrying, in feeling sorry for ourselves, and in getting so caught up in what’s going wrong that we fail to see what’s going right. It says I have a sensitive soul, and that has a lot to do with our vulnerability to worry. It says that our friends are willing to show us how much we mean to them, and if there is something I need I should just ask.

We did ok, until the part of asking. We didn’t want to seem overly pitiful. I think this mostly goes to saying that we should be working on something and then our time would go faster with less worrisome stress.

That was a good idea, I called Natalie and left her a message to give me a call when she gets a chance. I don’t have anything to say, but maybe she can tell me about her sisters or something and that will help me feel more connected. Ok, now … the other Part? What are you going to say if people call you back? Wouldn’t it be better to let them know you are working? Ok, well that’s a good point.

Be right over here --

Sunday, September 26, 2010

It sure is a relaxing Sunday :)

Good morning. We’re just singing and dancing here. It’s already noon and we’ve been at the computer most of the morning just taking care of correspondence and such. We watched some of Rich’s Sunday morning program with him, but then he went out to bring back the U-Haul and we continued at the computer.

Our favorite part is that Julie and us are both at the computer and we’ve sent notes back and forth to each other. It is a Godsend that she has come along when she did. I’m thinking we mentioned her before, but she’s the one who is doing the editing work with our book. I didn’t even know that we were going to get this kind of blessing. If we haven’t said it before, Julie is another Marine Mom and we found her through Vickie. It turns out Julie writes for the court where she does some editing. I’m just SOOO lucky! Hmm, I wonder if we should tell her we spell out SOOO with three “O’S”. She’s already reminded me that numbers under ten are spelled out. We knew that rule about 2005, but even then I think we were a bit sloppy with it. Good Jules!

Rich is back at home now and he made lunch and then turned on the game. I feel in a bit of heaven in that I have the better part of the next 1 ½ to write. I’m not sure if I will take up that much time or go back to working on the 2nd book. It sure would make Carolyn happy if we continued, but I don’t know how long it will take to make enough money with the first book to pay for the second book. I’m pretty sure the publisher is going to be happy with all the follow-up business.

Yesterday turned out to be very nice. I did what we wrote about in the morning, but then about 2 pm Rich and we went to Maury’s old place. We had kept Joe and Maury caught up to our time schedule through text messaging. They were both there when we got there. We went up to see Maury’s apartment and it turned out to be sort of on the small side. I’m afraid to think what his current place might be like. We better get rich real fast. AHA! Rich just became JPR in the book. Good good. It was Julie’s suggestion to do middle, last name, and then first name initials.

I can’t tell you how nice and relaxed I feel having Julie read the manuscript. It’s the first time we’re actually talking to someone reading the book. Several have read parts, but no one with the intent to get from front to back. I hope she continues to like it throughout. *sigh* … let it go, right? I know Julie’s enjoying it so far, but as time presses on her it is going to become more like work. Just so happy she’s doing this.

As to other news – we switched a few notes back and forth with CS. That was a good thing I think … we’re both settling on the part where the Table et all are going to be hers for quite some time. The way the day turned out everything seemed pretty good. I got a chance to meet the younger girls at Maury’s. We had a longer time to be with the younger who turns out to be 4 months younger then Ame. Those two are in the fourth grade and the older girl is in the sixth grade and Isa is in pre-school.

Jasmine did a lot of gymnastics and we talked to her and timed her as the others were moving the hard stuff. We were like the door holder and “stuff” watcher. The younger one made my day when I walked with her through the hall upstairs and she asked me if I were Maury’s “REAL” mom. LOL – oh man … she’s in forever good in my book!

There was one bad part … she had been playing with Joe … he collects kids wherever he goes and sometimes like this time the “kid” gets unruly. In this case Jasmine went to karate kick Joe and Joe just grabbed her foot and held it for a second. It was like a roundhouse kick and she fell down on the sidewalk and scratched herself. She may have also hit her head. She just started crying and she went to hold her Mom’s middle. I just felt so bad for her. Eventually, she went to their car and by about then Rich was ready to say goodbye, so we stopped by there a moment, but she was still feeling bad. I know Joe went over to talk to her and seemed to calm things down a bit. But, it must have been a hard thing for her. I felt bad.

The trip up and back was less remarkable. I had a lot of thoughts, but Rich not so many. He did seem to talk a bit more on the way home, but inevitably I fell asleep though just the last 20 or so minutes. I was really happy that Rich had done so much for us during the day. He helped Maury, Joe and Nikki move, and then he took up the spirit to see it through with Uncle Mark. Before we left, CS was doing a mighty job of washing down the table with glass sparkle stuff and both her and Mark seemed pleased with the table when they woke up this morning. She’s gotten ideas already how to recover the furniture to help clean it up and look more country than urban. That’s ok with me. She does appreciate as well the wider seats and the rocking motion of the chairs. They are very sturdy so nothing will happen to them for quite some time.

I thought the table fit very nicely in the space. It wasn’t any bigger than when she had her other table extended. It is a wider table, but at the size to be comfortable in the space. As to the TV, she had said something to Nathan after we came back into the room about giving it to him. We nixed that idea and followed up with another – no it will not go to Nathan. I had told Rich before we got there that she would try this, but I was surprised how little time it took. Always between Nathan and Mark, Nathan gets the “good stuff.” She was trying to tell me what a big apartment Nathan had, but I was like no. I don’t think so.

I don’t know who implies guilt to whom about who gets the good stuff, but I don’t want to be a part of it. If there is any chance at all we’d get the TV back, I don’t want it wandering over the countryside, and she doesn’t have so much right to the table, china cabinet or TV that she can give it away. That would be a breach in the verbal contract. I think Thom would be upset to know it was no longer my TV because Nathan had taken it over. That thought would make him see red.

There were a lot of negative thoughts from me both before and after the trip. I don’t know why our mind acts that way. I think the worst of it is the feelings of being manipulated. Between the two of them, you are never really sure which ones are telling you the truth and they often contradict each other. At one point he was teasing CS and she came back real nasty like. I don’t remember the content, just that it was very strange. They didn’t seem to get along at all.

I know that I told CS about the furniture Monday, and she told me she talked to both Mark and son right away, but then I heard her on the phone with her DIL saying that she didn’t know about the furniture until the day before. Mark said he hadn’t been told we were bringing up furniture at all. Mostly the problem with all of this is the way people control others through information. It just gives my stomach a real bad turn.

So, that’s enough about all that. CS was very considerate in asking me if I wanted to get the colorful gorilla fabric, which I did. She used the time with me out of the room to quiz Rich on whether or not she could keep the furniture. Rich was going to bypass that conversation with us afterward, but I’d heard enough to let him know that I knew something had happened. I think CS implied to him that it was unfair that she would have the furniture and that I could come by “suddenly” to take it away. I can let you know at this point how much I might appreciate that kind of conversation.

Rich’s big point was that yes he could see how those kinds of conversations are manipulating, but that was the way my sister was and that we had to accept it as being part of her. My thought is that I don’t want those kinds of things on me, or that I be a part of the manipulations. It drives me crazy and I think she knows it. It’s probably more her own defense patterns than concern over me. She basically doesn’t trust others so has to control them so they do and take care of her, or keep her quasi-world intact. We’ll most like lose more time in talking to Dr. Marvin about it. But, after that … really not much I can do about it. Just gotta work on keeping my sanity. I need to know what’s what in either version of real life compared to Cs’.

Hmm, where to go next? Everything seems to be fine. Everyone seems to be happy. Rich is fighting leaving the show to get his shower. I think there is 54 seconds left in this quarter. He’s got a half hour to get through the shower, so shouldn’t be too much problem. I still have to get dressed. Probably where the same clothes as yesterday, because whatever I wear is going to smell like cigarettes.

It does seem like this weekend is a bit of relaxing after being so focused on the book. If it weren’t for Julie’s volunteering to edit, I would have the work in to the proof stage. Carolyn liked the idea that it would be checked out before going in. She explained it took twice as long to make a correction after its been through the proof state. I think we told you about the part where we’d redone the school loans to have 3-4 months of money toward that effort going toward the book.

We’re still not sure whether or not the second five to six hundred was going to get the book into the bookstores rather than doing running around work selling the books by hand.

I think that’s where we left off the other day is in figuring out where and how and how much effort was going to go by me into selling copies. I’m not overly excited thinking that I will have to make so much public contact. I think our first problem is with our size and the second problem our dress usage. We just don’t have the clothes to come off so professional. Plus it is going to take time. I won’t be able to take a lot of time off work and I’m not sure if most managers are around during the weekend. We’ll have to see - one problem at a time.

I don’t know how much we’ll get to do on the ride out to Rich’s Mom’s, because Rich has been feeling neglected when I'm on my electronics. But we'll see.

AHA! I snuck in a half hour nap while Rich got ready ... that was SWEET! Better get going though. We're ready to head out!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Wondering and worrying and trying not to be dismayed

Good morning this is me. We’re a little sluggish this morning. I think the pattern is when we are warm we get sleepy. So, I opened the window and there’s a breeze coming in. It’s kind of the kinda day where it may or may not rain every now and again and the ground stays wet. We had our windshield wipers coming on and off on the drive here.

We talked to one of the DSPs for a few moments this morning; she kept coming back having a little more and a little more to say. She’s my favorite DSP right now. Just have to remember not to talk to her after 2:15 pm. I think that was something that had bothered her because she was trying to get out the door. It was my fault for not paying attention. Not much of anything, but something I have to take note of.

We had a staff training meeting yesterday afternoon. I don’t think it was one of the best. Basically, sister had told me she wanted to improve the DSPs work on planners and Chrononotes, and so that’s what we did, but some became defensive and wanted to have the meeting go differently than not. I wasn’t upset. I had figured beforehand what was going to happen, but I can tell the difference in not having had a meeting with them for a while, because it’s a matter of reinserting yourself as the authority figure. I won’t go into the details, because it will point someone out, but in general what I did was to have them each bring in their planner and then pass to the right. One didn’t even pass. We talked about the affect of their words on the sheet and the relevance to the person coming in to teach from their planner.

Some wanted to insert that they wouldn’t teach from the others planner anyway, but that wasn’t a good excuse for not doing one appropriately. I walked up front to see if sister was in. I will tell her about the meeting, but at the moment, Rosa said she was out at the Teacher’s Store. It’ll wait. For the most part though I would mark the meeting confrontational from some, but I’m thinking that’s sort of how things are going. I think it’s affecting the mindset of some of the other DSPs and that’s not such a hot idea, because the next thing is that people are thinking they don’t want to stay, and then you get the ones causing more grief to stay and the one who understands the program to leave. I don’t know … we’ll talk to sister.

I think that Rich is coming in today because he said he might be here about 9:30 am. It’s 10 to 10 now. He generally runs late unless he has a specific appointment. My big thing of the day will be to do the Thinking Group at 1 pm, and then we’ll be leaving.

As to Dr. Marvin last night, we talked primarily about the book and all the processes associated with that. He still doesn’t have an answer from the legal department, but he felt confident he would talk to them in the next day or two. It’s still planned for him to talk to Dr. Woollcott afterward, but he’s thinking Dr. Woollcott isn’t so much under the UIC umbrella. I’ve been holding back. I don’t want to push him unnecessarily, because if he’s going to write it has to come from his heart … not that someone was bullying him … IF he could be put in that sort of spot. Usually psychiatrists have some of the firmest boundaries.

I’m going to try remembering what Dr. Marvin said. There was one thing we’ve been remembering … he had made some kind of statement that this book was the right thing to do at this time. So we called him on it and asked why or how could he make that statement. His primary answer was to say … Because you are passionate about it.

And, then we were like, hmm, didn’t think about that is that part of the deal? I guess it is. I have to look at things as they come to me. It didn’t really occur to me that other than the authority of Dr. M, that I was justified to be the way I am or doing the things that I’m doing. It occurred to me that maybe this is something – the passion – that happened to other people who really did make a nice living and were able to produce a little more capital in their life.

Dr. Marvin didn’t think I was off base, because we were not set in stone, but at the planning processes where we could allow dreams to show up. I think in there was something of flexibility in that just because you have a dream it doesn’t mean that is going to happen, but it is a direction and course you set for yourself.

We thought out loud with him over our years. We thought of being young and just trying to survive until we got to be 18. There wasn’t a lot of control, but yet we were doing things with the social, academic and sports so that you could say we were planning out a bit of direction for ourselves. I didn’t know that we were going to be able to get into college, but then I didn’t know we wouldn’t. I had planned to that and that was really the only choice, so I felt lucky when a school accepted me due to my test scores and then offered me financial aid. It was like ok … that was all good.

I’m afraid I was overly dependent when it came to finding a boyfriend. I for the record didn’t go out looking. I was picked-up and then it seemed natural for that to continue for the next 3 years even though I was out of the country for a semester. When we ended up pregnant, it wasn’t that we planned on it, but it wasn’t as if we didn’t. My ex said he didn’t believe in birth control, and I didn’t offer any different of an opinion. I really hadn’t thought all those kinds of things out, and I didn’t have family that you could discuss those kinds of things.

There was a big deal marrying the person I did because his family had a lot to do with our marriage. That still has not been figured out, but I don’t miss that whole entire situation. To me though the kids were like an extension of my interests in that I had found the most useful subject to be studying was human development. If I had stayed at school I would have accepted the invitation to work for the head of the history department, but as it was … I was just leaving.

Four years later all three boys were born and then we went through the beginning of our mental stability problems. It’s hard to tell from my past compared life growing up with family in comparison to troubles from my husband; it’s just that at the end it wasn’t supportive; it was rather unsupportive in an aggressive manner. My ex had fallen in love with someone else while married and he wanted out. I’m no one to criticize because then I did it too. I fell in love with someone who was married. Again, I didn’t make the choice he presented himself to me. My choices were though, I didn’t stop either relationship. There might have been attempts, but they weren’t strong enough in comparison for the parts who wanted to be in relationships. Where my ex used the mental illness to dissociate me from his life, Rich got to know us with the mental illness and always pushed what I could do with myself regardless. It’s really a matter of two completely different kinds of guys.

I guess the reason to bring it up here at this time was that … I had made a choice to better understand people with my degree. I remember having a young dream of becoming a doctor of human development. There was always a dream then to go back.

I’ve always had the dreams of being in a relationship and I can’t say that I’ve exhausted the desire to be married. When I finally did go back to school especially with the masters – I had a dream again of being someone very knowledgeable, but I lost sight of that when Dr. Marvin cut down our sessions so severely and Rich moved in. Both took a lot of emotional strength from me.

The dream to write and one day be published started at the age of 10. I had wanted to write a story and I still remember now how important that thought was to me that I wanted it to be something that explained some part of my feelings and thoughts.

I don’t know if all that was conscious, but it was something strong enough never to have forgotten. Part of having the dream of being in a relationship was having the security of a house. I thought one just came with the other. Sometime recently Rich talked about him getting the house and we questioned him more about it. He had been talking to his banker son and they had looked at some buildings that were being foreclosed for $30-40,000 somewhere about Brookfield.

Well you can imagine how crashing that might have appeared to us. In one line of thinking we are touched that Rich is trying to plan for our security, but then on the other hand, we would never be satisfied with the decision to live in one of the two bedroom small homes of Brookfield. That is just not happening. As to dreaming – I’ve been through the fixit-up lifestyle and I know that Rich is less than a fix-it up kinda guy than my ex and it was hard enough to get him to do what needed to be done. Anything in the way of the house I want to live in seems a distortion on my life.

Hmm, I wonder if this disqualifies doctor Marvin’s thought that I could be reasonable and practical about my dreams. I remember going over with him again … I just don’t understand passing so many thousands of houses when we go out and that all those people figured out how to do it, but we weren’t going to be able to do it. That just seems insane. When we talk about a dream in this light it seems like stepping out of a nightmare. We had gotten the impression long time ago that Rich would not be able to meet my wants because he would always be funding his ex. But, then again there is something else.

It seems that in the past I waited and supported, but primarily waited for my ex to do whatever to supply a house for us. I didn’t ask for much I just got by on whatever he gave us. But, this time in our dreams I’m thinking its ME who wants to get out of debt and have a house. And, I want it to be this writing that helps me get there. Does that make sense in general? I mean why do people work so hard to live in their houses if it weren’t important? It seems as if both Rich and my dream has come and go, but I’m not handling that well. I still want my chance.

Maybe because we were forced out about 13 years ago and haven’t been happy with our living situation ever since – maybe that is part of the will driving us forward. I remember sitting there talking to Dr. M. last night and we’d lead ourselves back to sitting in the loft overlooking our space with the sewing machine. Somehow that’s become the epitome of who we are or would like to be. It’s hard to get in that person’s head. I guess it’s like a spreading of her arms encircling her home and thinking this is all mine because of me and life is good and plentiful.

One of the other things we talked about was Rich’s negativity. I’m not sure how all that came about, but it bothers me a lot that he holds such a neglect of positive thoughts and dreams. He has a hard time seeing past the next fishing outing to the next. He can plan ahead for his fall trip, his February trip, and his June Canada trip, but there isn’t anything in-between except his thoughts of work, and reality of play. We know he’s going to be going fishing and playing cards and golfing, and sometimes he will take us out to dinner, but other than that there’s a lot of time at home in front of the TV, resting up his strength to go out again.

I’m not diminishing that Rich works, because he does. He does stuff during the day – not all the time, but some of the time and he does a lot of ball games. And, Rich works at home. Last night, I folded and put away clothes, cleaned off the surfaces in the bedroom, living room and kitchen and I did the dishwasher and cleaned up in the bathroom. He vacuumed the floors, fixed the cabinets and worked on the cat smells, and he also is the one responsible for getting groceries and cooking and paying bills. See it’s not that Rich doesn’t work, because he does.

But, he’s getting to a stage in his life where if he doesn’t get time to play – like go out on the boat, then it makes the rest of it hard to swallow. He doesn’t have the dreams of a younger man. He had those at the time, he got him house and took care of his family, but now he doesn’t want to do it all over again.

Lately, since Joe and Cari got married and I had sent them pictures, I had started getting advertisements for engagement rings. So I started to send them to Rich.

Ok, Rich I have this dream I don’t know what is going on in your mind to stop it, but it is and you make me feel I’m running into a brick wall. So, if you can’t appease me there and you can’t appease me in a house, then I have to try and do it. Of course, along that path are also the doubts. What would happen to me emotionally if I weren’t to see it as a possibility? I know that Rich tries to take those thoughts from my head and tries to help me settle for so much less, but It just can’t be fair. I don’t want to settle for less. I know what it felt like to have the realtor come over and know that the house was going to happen. I know those feelings.

I just don’t understand how he could have put himself in such a situation that over half of his money was going to someone who refuses to work. I’m sorry that’s how it always seems to me. I think that is partly why I want to do this house on my own. I don’t want it part of his estate that is tied up on the other side. I want clearance so that when I’m gone, like Bud, Rich will be taken care of – able to stay wherever, but after that … the money goes to my sons. They are not asking for that, but it was always a dream – I know another one that I leave them something.

If I could give each a hundred thousand, I would think that enough. Sure more would be better, but man … wouldn’t it be nice to provide for them like that? I would know that each had opportunities to live in a house. That is what that dream would buy me.

We talked last night between Dr. M. and me of the grandchildren living four in a bedroom. That just seems insane. I kept repeating – they are girls, girls are not meant to be cooped up like that. We ran our ideas through that if we got a house the value of fixing $60,000 extra in the house to make it livable for 8 people instead of handing Maury the money. But, I told him I just don’t see it. Maybe it is greedy of me to want the family living with us and that might be a control issue, but then there’s the other part. Maury won’t learn on his own how to take care of himself unless forced to try. I don’t want it to be like now where there are no real options because they make so little money together and they both seem to have debt. The only way it seems fair is that they put out the effort to save money for a home and pay off debt. It wouldn’t work to hand them the money, and then in the meantime beside my maternal feelings of helping out, I would have put a $60,000 investment into my home. That is the real practical part of it. I think that is fair for putting up with family for four years. Joe pointed out it would never last that long and maybe it wouldn’t even last past a summer, but then I think of others and I believe it is common for people now days to be living together with the extended family.

I know … lots of eggs out there, but I think this is how you build a dream. You make it so real that there is nothing to do, but work toward it.

Yesterday, Carolyn and we had a nice conversation. I talked a little about that yesterday before going to Dr. Marvin’s. I think a big part of the conversation was that we were talking about the benefits to moving from one package level to the second. She was very sure that the marketing package improvement was substantial, plus the addition of the Kindle book and the hard cover really made a different. The way I look at it 15 soft books and 10 hard cover would cost $550 and that what

we would owe and that is how much is coming back free to us with the better package, so it just makes sense.

There there … I just talked to Carolyn again. She is heading into a meeting now so didn’t have time to talk, but we passed on the communication about Julie. Julie does some kind of writing and editing for court so when she offered to do some reading for us, we jumped on it. I just sent her the manuscript and she’s received it now. She’s on California time and has friends coming over tonight, but she said she’d start on it bright and early. I’m so excited that she’s going to do this.

She says she’s a quick reader. I’m not sure if she’s going to read it from start to finish, but she said she’d call me when she was finished. I let her know if she just looked at it for a couple hours it would be fine. I really don’t want to consume all the time she has over the weekend, but this is just such incredibly good fortune smiling on us. Carolyn said she was going to send it in for proof, but that we’d do much better to edit it first. She says that a couple days either way wasn’t going to matter so now the thing to do will be to sit and wait.

Part of it being Julie that will be doing the editing is that she’s a Marine Mom who well matches if not exceeds the enthusiasm of Vickie and me. I know Julie through Vickie and Vickie and Julie work together on a Marine Mom project on Facebook. They get together with people and do really good things for Marines and they do a lot of praying. Couldn’t be more excited to get her enthusiasm
Oh Lordy … we’re going to need to calm down. Pswhoo! That ought to help, we told Vickie and she says that Julie helps her a lot and that she is very good.

As to other things - I’m not sure where we left off, but I’m thinking we left something hanging. Hmm, I know I think we were going to talk about the marketing process. I believe that Carolyn is going to send us some material after she gets out of her meeting. It’s going to be about the differences between the two packages. I want as much detail as I can get on what I’m receiving.

We’re being interrupted by thoughts as to moving glass table. Joe is worrying that 3 men can’t do it because he doesn’t know rich’s strength, and my sister is saying that Mark and Nathan can’t help. We just sent her a note and said ask neighbor or Nathan’s friends. She’s just like … can’t do it … rich will have to handle it, but he won’t have to then bring it upstairs. Like yah! Just a few inches from trailer into garage is as far as she goes. Nathan can get his guys together later to move it to kitchen. I was telling Rich that we could use as option to leave trailer there for when Nathan came back, but Rich said you can’t just take it one way, and then he said maybe he could hire a couple kids from the hardware store. So, maybe something like that would work. Rich was right the second time in that I told him you could do it, but it would cost money. He then agreed to that rather than not. It would cost $154 to drop in West Bend.

Hmm, I’m going to have to go in a minute, what progress made above. Maybe just that you remind me after getting back to the keyboard that we should look into some of the marketing as well as the package. My take on it now is that they are going to give us something to read, and then we can ask their person Maria questions, but that the books aren’t going to walk themselves to the store on their own. My idea on all that is that we have to go from one book store to another, and we will be consigning the books. I’m not sure about the part of even spending the extra $650 for book insurance. Carolyn seemed to be saying that that money might be needed to buy books for the consignment, or otherwise work on online sales. There’s going to be a whole lot to learn, but I’m thinking we’re going to do whatever it takes.

But for now … we are getting closer to the weekend. Not sure what to do while Julie is reading the book. It’s like what else is left? Maybe what we could do though is start the next book? Hmm, stranger things have been known to happen … it’s going to take some time. Might as well get started. I will have tonight while Rich is at a game, and then tomorrow morning, and then Sunday. There shouldn’t be too much we have to write about. Hmm, anything we have to do from here? Better get this posted.

Tumbling along the path of publishing

Good morning. This is me. It’s already late in the morning it’s 10 am. We were working on things, but needed a break. I’m hoping that today turns out to go quickly up until about 4:30 pm when we have our appointment. I didn’t hear much from Dr. Marvin … he says that the people he needed to talk to from the legal department haven’t called back yet. I asked him in a Very short email just “any word yet?” I’m hoping it reminds him if he’s forgotten, but we’re thinking he’s too organized to have REALLY forgotten, so then I suppose it’s just to make me feel like I’ve done something to care about it. I do want him to know that it is still important to me. It’s also very hard to wait.

I figure if he knows something too he might be saving it up for the meeting – especially if its bad news. BUT, I’m hoping that it will be better than not. I’m also hoping by now that he sent something to Dr. Woollcott. I think though his original plan was to get word from the legal program and then pass that on to Dr. Woollcott, but I don’t know if he planned that it would take this long. It’s just hard to wait.

I want to talk to Carolyn too about the cost of the better support, but now Rich is in the room. AHA! He’s planning on leaving in a half an hour … that would be good then. Carolyn doesn’t get into her office until 11 am our time. We made sure to be charging the phone. I think we left her an email to call us today, but I’m not sure if she’ll be back at work yet. She was supposed to have eaten something bad at a foreign restaurant and she said that her neck and face swelled up, so she stayed at home to work. Yeeks! That’s not a good thing to do to you!

Maybe I can look that over again. Let me see. The biggest question is do you get the insurance if you get the better package. I’m thinking that you don’t and that would be a big deal. I have to ask does that mean there is no hard copy or paperbacks going to any of the 25,000 stores they advertise.

Ok, ok … it’s now 12:30 pm. I’ve got a half hour before group. I haven’t talked it over with Rich yet, but I figured out what to do. Basically, I looked at the bank statements and decided that I should give the school loan people a call. And, that seemed to work out. I deferred both loans until February. This would give me a chance to pay $580 in October on the 17th and $580 in November on the 17th. This would also give me some money to be doing Christmas presents in December. And, maybe by January we could put $4-500 away for emergencies. It really does give me a break. The school loans are just over $400 together, so that means for the next two months the couple hundred extra I get will mostly go to book payments.

I have to find out from Carolyn if they offer any kind of deal. I know that Natalie said something before of doing something, but I don’t quite remember. I think their best offer was that I could pay the following month. At the time that didn’t do anything for me. I’m pretty sure that it’s a regular business in that things don’t turn until the wheels are greased. But, there really is some important things going on with the costs.

I think I listed yesterday all the extra stuff that came with the package that was $500 more and then there is a $650 cost added to that. With the total of these two costs, plus what I paid for before we get their best options which included look inside at Amazon and other and it especially includes the book insurance for restocking so that people can get my books in the bookstore. I don’t know if anything can be done, but we’re thinking we can’t pay the second part which would get it in the bookstores before November. I’m thinking most of the holiday books are already going to be in the store by then. But, it’s the best we can do, so we have to be ok with it.

I’ve been on the edge of my chair waiting to talk to Carolyn and Dr. Marvin. Dr. Marvin sent a note saying he hadn’t talked to the legal department yet, but if he could find the time he would try again. You already heard Carolyn’s situation of food poisoning, so I’m not sure if she’s in yet. If she was … she’s just doing her first 1 ½ hours so maybe not so organized, or maybe busy, or maybe whatever. I had left the message saying if she couldn’t call by noon, to wait until after 2 pm. Most of the time we talk it’s past our 5 pm – she’s 2 hours backed-up from us. I wonder if there are other multiples publishing books at the same time ours is coming out.

I’m still having trouble considering myself an author, but once I see the first book, I am going to know it. Villainous laugh here. Ok, then we probably won’t rule the Earth!?? Well, just thinking is all.

I think this is what is called our racy mind. We want to think or do something just a little too frazzled to do something real unless it has specifically something to do with the book. I’m not sure what we are going to talk to Dr. Marvin about. I don’t think there is anything family orientated. Maury is coming over tomorrow and then there is the deal with getting Thom’s TV put up in our bedroom, and then have I told you all this? After that we’ll be going over with Rich, Maury and Joe to get the table and china cabinet and we’ll be bringing that up in a uhaul to CS. I believe we are going to be coming back at the same day.

We’ll meet Maury around 2 pm, get to CS about 5 pm, have dinner and leave by 7 pm, and then get home at 9-10 pm. Wow! That’s going to be a long day.

I’m thinking already where is my phone battery? – I’m going to want to use stuff in the car. I don’t know if Rich bought a new plug in yet for regular stuff. I could be reading the kindle on the computer if that were the case. Also though I have to remember that I can read it on the phone, the iPod or the computer, so likely all those batteries would hold just have to use them one in succession with the other.

That’s a plan. Maybe too though I should plan on charging up at CS? I’m thinking we’ll end up going out for dinner. It sounds like Mark might be home, but I’m not sure where he will be in his sleep cycle and I know he’ll go out to work afterward.

WooHOO!! Just scored on the candy dish – we took 4 to keep us going until we return to the table for group. Many this is just the devious stuff you keep reading on and on for. I confess they are very good. Sister has been putting out Dove caramel dark chocolate pieces. Mmm. Ok, then we’re not really going to concentrate before the meeting right? No. 6 minutes of free time. Maybe we’ll go in ahead of time and be early … that would be a good idea wouldn’t it?

WooHOOO!! I’m back, but just for a brief time. I did a few things. I had the meeting with the staff, I talked to Rich about the school loan money going to pay for the books, and I had a phone meeting with Carolyn. She said that she was actually pretty happy when I call her even after I asked and found out she had 60 authors. Wow! Oh … my gosh this is news too. Rich just called and said that I was correct. And, I was like umm correct in what? He must have done some figuring, because he was telling me if I borrowed $1200 from school loans not being paid that I would like owe an extra $1000 in interest. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around that because it didn’t make sense. I think the worst could be a $100 or so interest ad up because I’ve got more loan than being paid normally over this next few months, but the major deal was it was going to take me that many months at the end of the school loan to pay. I think I have about $50,000 in school debt so that’s like 10 years I’ll be paying school loans … so that we can do what we have to do here.

Rich and us didn’t discuss things so well. I did maintain steadiness but at some point he just didn’t want to talk. He had said at the beginning of this deal that it would cost more money and now he sees me doing that and so it frustrates him.

Our point is that it was never an argument. I knew going into it we were just paying the middle service cost because that was what we could do with the money my mother had paid, but now there’s a way to do things, naturally, I’m going to bump up the cost.

There will be now talking to Carolyn the question of whether to spend the $650 insurance to get the book into the major stores, or whether, I will take that much in books, which might be like 65 books and sell them in small mom and pop stores for double the money. She called it selling on consignment where I guess you ask for space to put the book out and then if it doesn’t sell you go back and get the book. Well something like that. I’m thinking if the book sells for $20, and you have paid $10 to the printer, then the book guy gets $20 and you give him $10.

Does that sound about right?

There was a lot of conversation on the marketing. I think basically that Friesen gives you material to read and questions to answer and then you go over things with their marketing person – in our case Marie. And she clues me in on what to do. She said there was no exact amount of time we got or didn’t get with her, though after we knew certain things we wouldn’t come back for so many questions. She says that her and Marie were like 5 feet away from each others’ desk and that she had a Que, so she’d try to get her and call me back in a couple of weeks. She said that we could take pre-orders, but the cost wouldn’t be pinned down until we got the further proofs closer to the number of pages we were going for.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Testing over to the danger-zone

Good morning. This is me. We are being a little weird this morning. We are messing with the script. I don’t know maybe just a little change up. We’ve settled now on Lucida handwriting, but I don’t know how long this will last.

We are already done with our shower and all that comes with that. I’ve got 15 minutes before I wake up sir sweetie. He was being very nice to me last night. Ok, so most nights he is very nice. But, it is always something a little special when he doesn’t turn on the TV at the same time. It can be so distracting. I fell asleep toward the end and he woke us up at 10 pm to go to bed proper, but then we stayed up and read for a little bit.

Hmm, I think we did some looking too. My mother and Helen had both sent stuff about the family that we opened up and looked at. Helen’s is primarily from her great grandfather’s side of the family, but I will want to look at it more closely when there is better time. The package my mother sent was very complete – about her father and siblings. There are a lot of dates and such. It will take a bit of time to add to I’m not sure if someone else already added it, but it is very good information. My grandfather was the oldest of 14 kids.

I believe we wrote yesterday, but I left it at work, so I’m not sure what was said or not said - Maybe then not too much on yesterday. I would like to say there was some playful going on between myself and Carolyn. She’s funny. I would get something done and then she would ask for something and then I would ask for something. At one point it was more like ok Carolyn just talk to me … I think we were pretty restless. At one point she said to cut the “about” sections in half … so we *sighed* and then completed the task. She said afterward that we took direction well and she wished all her authors were like that. We might tell her today that multiples are known for being able to adapt.

Good good. I just woke up Rich. We have this ritual thing going on where I just massage him until he wakes up … usually there are some really comfortable noises as some part of his body is recognizing the touches. Good Rich.

So as to where we are at. I don’t think there was anything real special about last night. Let me try to remember. I think we just played with sweetie and then tried to read and then fell asleep. Hmm, maybe we already said that. Ok, then I guess it’s time to move on. What are our global thoughts this morning?

We’ve been having a lot of thoughts toward the writing and that is about it. We’ll have a couple of annual meetings today. We’ve got one for this morning at 10 am and then again another at 1 pm. Usually, we don’t do this many in one day, but it’s just the way things fell. I will have that on my mind this morning. I will need to write up a few things when I get into work, and then we will have to talk to a few DSPs about goals. This is not going to go down as one of our more fun days. But, I know it has to be done.

I got a real positive response the other day toward having put up the “about” sections of the author and the book. I was pleased with that. Deb, Bill, Mia, Nicole, Lorie, Tammy, Cathy and Diane all clicked on like and then Deb, Carrie, Debbie, LuAnn, Bill, Mia, Sandy, Maury, Julie, Orla, Deb, Vickie and my sister all left comments. Most were like we are looking forward to reading your book.

Pswhoo. I sure hope so. I’m hoping that some people actually follow through and
We get some positive responses. I really appreciate that so many people stopped by to give support.

We worked a bit on collecting pictures for Carolyn in that she and their graphic design person are going to use the pictures from our collages for the cover of the book. It’s very exciting to think that a professional has got some ideas. She had asked if we had copies of the pictures individually and we were like ok, this is impossible, but then in writing that back to her, we were already trying to figure out if we had access to that kind of thing. As it turned out we found that we had saved in our Photo Shop the original collage effort, so that we were able to click on each picture and then save to a jpg file to send to Carolyn. We completed that last night. We also left a copy of the pictures on Facebook, because we had thought at first that would be the best way to send the pictures. It turned out Friesen had another way to transmit pictures, so that was all good.

Carolyn is warning me that there is going to be some time – maybe a couple of weeks where nothing seems to be happening, but in actuality someone will be getting the proofs ready. My take on this is that there will be some editing, but primarily this is the part where they get the manuscript in page order so that we can see what the book is going to look like. I’m so excited. That reminds me though … we were going to go back over the list of books we had mentioned in the manuscript and put them in APA format. We didn’t have that knowledge when we first made a list of about 3-4 pages of references to books we were going to purchase.

Better set that as something to do after the 1 pm meeting is over. I don’t want anything on my end to slow down the book process. Carolyn is also a psych major so she understood that kind of thing. Yeah Carolyn!

Over the last couple of days, we’ve been trying to figure out how to put together $500 more so that we can get the services that are at their most extensive list. I also like that we would be getting hard cover copies and we would be getting the restocking insurance so that we can get the book into the book store.

I’m looking at the account balance now and I think that I’m going to take it out of the account before Rich gets a chance to pay the bills - except I’m going to need waiting until the next month. It seems like there is $500 in there now, but I don’t know where he’s got that money scheduled to go. Maybe some of it would be left over and then we’d have the extra couple hundred from the next month. We would have to wait until the middle of the month October check got deposited. I don’t know that means about 3 weeks to figure out whether or not we’re going to tell him or just take it out. We’re thinking this is a high enough priority that we might do it before some of the other bills get paid. The only thing I know is coming out yet is that we’ve got to pay the license plate. As to Maury’s birthday, I don’t think he’s going to get one unless he considers the book a gift, but then that is going to be given to the other boys too. I’m not sure if taking this much money out is going to affect what we give in gifts for this Christmas.

Maybe what we can do is ask Carolyn if we can get the services now and then make a payment or two. It seems that we would get an additional proofing round plus a lot of extra stuff. This all the additional part with the extra $500

• eBook Premium Distribution—incl. Kindle, iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch and BlackBerry devices (black & white book publishing only)
• Hardcover Edition (black & white book publishing only)
• Google Books/Barnes & Noble See Inside
• Amazon's Look Inside!
• Radio & TV Promotion
• Print Media Promotion
• Book Promotion Plan
• Sales Monitoring by Traditional Publishers
• 15 Paperback copies of your book
• 10 Hardcover copies of your book
• 100 Postcards, 100 bookmarks, and 100 business cards displaying your book cover and ordering information
• 10 Posters displaying your book cover in full color
• First 20 interior image insertions (black & white book publishing) or 48 interior image insertions (color and children's book publishing) free of charge
• First 3 table insertions, first 20 footnotes or endnotes, and first 20 layout complexities free of charge
• Additional proofing round

Oh Lordy. Rich is going to be mad. I better talk to Carolyn. I know I would be able to appreciate the extra and I want all the services I can get … especially things like hard cover, having the search inside, kindle download, and insurance to stock shelves at the bookstores. I would have to be very sure that I would get all this for the cost. I don’t know this is hard. I did check and found out that I have $100 left in my envelope. I could deposit that tonight. Better check to see if there are any automatic bills going out, or if anything has been spent with that money. Man this is going to be tough … better plan on checking these things out after the two meetings it is going to take some real soul searching. I wish I had SOME other kind of income coming in to balance the costs. Rich is going to be furious; maybe the idea is to not do anything until we check with Carolyn to find our alternatives. That’s a pretty good idea, right?

Still trying to expedite publishing

Hi … It’s me. I think it’s about time we did some writing. We’ve been just doing this or that all morning and it is now 12:30 pm. The latest thing that’s been happening is that on Monday we sent in our revised edition to the story and it is for the present out of our hands. It included 365 pages of writing AND foreword.

I was happy to let it go. I can find many mistakes in it no matter how many times we go through it, but I have to let it be to stand on its own two feet.

I was just reminded that we hadn’t looked at the horoscope for a bit. I’m sure Dr. Marvin is shaking in his pants … oh why oh why am I being sideswiped by an astrologer? Look at all those years of doctor training going down the drain.

Hehehe … hmm, better look at his horoscope too. Hmm, his sign has something to do about money making the world go round. I know that he gets money from seeing me … so after that I’m obviously not involved. It’s been a long time since I forgot my parking struggles to pay the attendant. Good Ann!

Hmm, Rich’s is saying he has more influence over someone than he thinks. That could be me. He’s got a lot of influence there. Last night he said … Woman! My feet need rubbing. Well not exactly like that, but it turned out to be my pleasure anyway. Ok ok … no one wants to hear about that except maybe the king of our castle. We talked to him about not taking us for granted, but he says he never takes us for granted, but if I could take care of his feet he’d be so happy. Well yes, we want to make him happy … and then there you go, we’re massaging him again.

Damn logic!

Hmm, good logic! He just left and we figured he’d hide those pretzels in his desk AND he did! Ahh it all comes full circle.

Ok, on to our “scope.” It says it’s a good time to liberate ourselves from fear, free ourselves from self-doubt, and claim your independence from regret. The more erosion you experience in life – and recently you have endured quite a bit of it – the more you will become whole. Although that may sound counter-intuitive, it is your reality. Erosion is not a bad thing. Think about the Grand Canyon. It represents thousands of years of erosion, of the wearing away of layers. What is left is a beautiful, powerful, mystical, magical thing.

We then had to look up erosion and it has something to do with diminishing or destroying by degrees or to rub or scrape away. Maybe then erosion was talking about the first things such as fear, self-doubt and regret. And, then that seems to be wrapped around abuse. I feel I’m afraid because of abuse, it has caused me to self-doubt and I’ve felt bad because I was enduring it while others did not have to. I’m not sure about the part where it says the more erosion you experience the more whole you become. Maybe because you have to take some kind of mental journey in getting from one place to another, where some others not having problems get soothed within the comfort of staying at home. Were back to the analogy of the onion where layers are being stripped away like the calloused old skin. And, then maybe the beautiful, powerful, mystical and magical is like the princess hiding underneath the frog.

Thinking here maybe Rich is right and we’re going to have to start being diet conscious again.

Today we looked at some of the multiples’ blogs. We haven’t done that for a while. We were taken back by how many are having problems especially between their feelings and thoughts and getting to talk to someone about that. Whoops that point was smeared. I was checking for an email I had gotten from Dr. Woollcott last week and we found a very short one for Carolyn. She said that she is going to look over what we gave her and that I was to please be taking some rest. We let her know that we were the anxious type and wanted to know everything. I suppose it was a bit over the top asking if she had shoe laces, was having a bad hair day, or was going to see something at the movies. *Sigh*

It’s hard to be a world famous author.

*Giggling* Rich has been teasing me about this now for the last several weeks. We need to ask questions such as do world famous authors get coffee for their boyfriend. And he’s not helping by saying stuff like world famous authors all go to bed on time. Like They do??

There we just sent Dr. Marvin another note. Then we figured we were being pretty pesky, but decided to ask him if we could have a red tricycle for Christmas too. You never know with him. Maybe, maybe! We both had a good laugh last week thinking how much money I would owe him if I were paying him to read the book. I think that must be good psychiatry humor. It doesn’t seem to me that we’re having very serious thoughts here. Did we mention the thing with Maury and his girl friend?

We had tried talking to a few people yesterday about the book. We feel that’s all we want to deal with. When we asked Maury to read the “about” sections, he said he would later after he had gotten home. So about 10:30 pm when we were going to bed we checked and it turned out he and Nikki wrote this whole 6-7 comment edit.

Whoosh! I never knew he had it in him - Hehehe maybe that came more from Nikki.

Some of the things I already knew would have to get changed, but others it was just nice to get another perspective. We made all the changes this morning.

We talked for a few moments on the phone today. I am trying to let the family know that this thing is coming, and I’m not sure if they know how they are going to handle whatever it might be. I’m thinking that they might be excited for us – Joe more than Maury. I think Maury is more conscious about me messing things up. It was uncomfortable at first to be corrected in the thing you are supposed to be good at, but I couldn’t deny them that their criticisms were not helpful. They really were nice, just unexpected. I was worried more about the contents, not the sentence structure. But, that is the thing about kids, you just never know.

Joe was funny in a different way. He takes the whole thing as water off a ducks back. He’s like ok bring it on. We wrote Thom a separate letter giving him the information about the two “about” sections. Most likely if we get anything back, it will be like ok, Mom you don’t have to send these any more. But, then for another period of time, we will know how he stands. This year’s Christmas gifts are going to be a copy of the book. Well, maybe not, because we’ll have given it out by then, but at least we would have an excuse to put a copy in his hand.

*sigh* Thom’s are tough.

Yeeks that was a rocky idea – let’s do something perhaps a little better for us. I’m supposed to be free and independent of fear, self-doubt and regret. Whether the book sells or not, probably won’t change much the relationship we have with the kids.

Yeeks … we shouldn’t have asked. Carolyn just wrote a note and said to cut it in half. Lordy!

About the Author

Ann M. Garvey, the author, was born in 1959 and raised in Minnesota. Ms. Garvey is a multiple with 20 personalities, 9 of which had developed before 4 years of age due to severe trauma including sexual abuse and the remaining 11 personalities had developed between 5 and 17 due to the continuation and unpredictability of physical and emotional abuse.

In adulthood, Ms. Garvey moves to the Chicago area and continues to improve her life through a steady relationship with “a special male friend,” being the mother of three sons, Macadam 22, Tanner, 21, and Jacob 19, and carrying on her most prominent relationships between her boss, Sr. Tess, an older nun in the cash poor field of social services, and her young psychiatrist, the fabulous Dr. M.

Ms. Garvey has worked as a professional in the field of adults with intellectual difficulties for the last 11 years. Other than writing and reading, Ms. Garvey and her sister have taken over their Grandmother’s role and love of quilting

About the Book

Ann M. Garvey, the author, writes a daily non-traumatizing journal about her day to day world as someone with multiplicity. The story takes place between August, 2003 and August, 2004 as Ms. Garvey again restarts her full-time work responsibilities after a two-month hospitalization for depression and acting out suicide idealizations.

Journalism/blogging in an online community becomes an imaginative outcome in communicating with external others and acting as a reference point for her many selves. Ms. Garvey’s world is not about integration; it is about communication, trust and understanding.

Life isn’t always smooth, but runs effectively with effort. Ms. Garvey encourages you to join her in an ongoing journey of Ann’s Multiple World of Personality, Regular No Cream No Sugar.

Back, back. This is the version that we sent her. I sure hope she doesn’t have us keep doing it. That would be like no fun! Oh good … so far so good. I’m a little worried about Dr. Marvin. I’m hoping that he’s going to write back before we leave, though it would really not matter much because much wouldn’t get done the rest of the day. I will send him the shorten cover

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

About the Author, and About the Book

About the Author

Ann M. Garvey, the author, was born in 1959 and raised in Minnesota. Ms. Garvey is a multiple with 20 personalities, 9 of which had developed before 4 years of age due to severe trauma including sexual abuse and the remaining 11 personalities had developed between 5 and 17 due to the continuation and unpredictability of physical and emotional abuse.

In 1977, Ms. Garvey went away to college, met her husband, married, and then moved to the Chicago area. On the exterior, Ms. Garvey appeared fine though sometimes she was considered “strange” by those who knew her.

In 1984, Ms. Garvey had begun treatment for bipolar disorder and depression. In 1990, she was reassessed by University of Illinois Psychiatry and diagnosed for DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), Severe Depression, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) with tendencies of anxiety and obsessiveness. Ms Garvey was often hospitalized though she continued treatment.

As a condition of her 1990 hospitalization, Ms. Garvey was forced to separate residence from her husband. She sustained maintenance of her children until a prolonged 1997 custody battle ended in her bankruptcy. At that time, she alone returned to school to complete her bachelor’s degree in psychology though living in a homeless shelter or government housing. Her ongoing treatment included ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) at Mayo Clinic in 1998.

Her last hospitalization was in 2003 which is the year she begins to journal. Ms. Garvey has been in a single though steady relationship for the last 16 years and she has three adult sons with the benefit of grandchildren. Ms. Garvey has worked as a professional in the field of adults with intellectual difficulties for the last 11 years. Other than writing and reading, Ms. Garvey and her sister have taken over their Grandmother’s role and love of quilting.

About the Book

Ann M. Garvey, the author, writes a daily non-traumatizing journal about her day to day world as someone with multiplicity (multiple personality disorder) or DID (dissociative identity disorder). She has 20 parts, though has stated one part has died and another is really the core. Initially, the parts were aged from 3 months to 17 years, but through gaining experience out in “real” time, they age from those ages to her current 45 years.

The story takes place between August, 2003 and August, 2004 as Ms. Garvey headed back to working full-time after a two-month hospitalization for depression and acting out suicide idealizations. Her father, step-mother and Godfather had died in separate events months from each other. Ms. Garvey takes to journalism/blogging in an imaginative AOL community as a means of keeping her minds occupied, to communicate with others, and to act as a reference point for her many selves. Ms. Garvey’s world is not about integration; it is about communication, trust and understanding.

For most practical purposes the reader listens to what appears as one self telling of her day to day struggles and accomplishments, but it is a collective endeavor of many parts which act together in holding a few central truths such as the value of work and household order. Ann has a steady relationship with “a special friend” and she’s the mother of three sons, Macadam 22, Tanner, 21, and Jacob 19, but her most prominent relationships are between her boss, Sr. Tess, an older nun in the cash poor field of social services, and her psychiatrist, the fabulous Dr. M.

Life isn’t always smooth, but runs effectively with effort. Ms. Garvey encourages you to join her in an ongoing journey of Ann’s Multiple World of Personality, Regular No Cream No Sugar.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Keeping the dream alive

Good morning. This is me. We’re just getting to the blogging part and it’s already about 9 am. We seem to have been very busy this morning. I think we got up about 6:30 am and we’ve been at the computer most of the time. Part of the time we lay on the couch and talked to Rich about stuff, but then I realized that it was making me a bit drowsy, so we figured we better get back to work. Well, actually work more like play. We seem to be having more people that we are corresponding with. First there is the regular correspondence stuff from Facebook in that we need to look at our groups and thinking where people are at and if possible to leave some kind of message where applicable.

There’s so much happening on Facebook and so many excellent connections that I just can’t imagine before it was around. It seems like we’ve got some continuity in life with it in that people that we’ve been in touch with at all or some part of our life are here together and we’re all speaking at the same time in our life.

Basically, we like to add something most mornings as to how we are doing on our wall, and from there there’s always the surprise comments or “Likes” from people you connect with. It just makes me so happy. I can’t imagine what Facebook will be like 5 years from now. It doesn’t seem to change that much, but it’s such an important element to so many people’s life; I can’t believe that more won’t be invested in it.

I’m thinking over time we get kind of mushy over so many things in life. Maybe we’re just a little sappy, but we’re hoping sappy in the right way.

This morning the correspondence that we’ve been doing in the morning before blogging or other work, took up quite a bit of time. We sent Facebook messages to Bill, my sister, Linda, Carrie and Jaime. Then we sent out emails to my mother, Helen, Emily and Rich. It seems like more, but I think these were the main people. There’s so much to be invested in.

I don’t know if I will be doing too much with Rich yet. I know there is part of him that wants to go to his mother’s and we want to be part of his efforts, but then there are the parts that want to get stuff finished up on the computer. I don’t know that he isn’t going to want to go just about the time I need to be getting things done. He was busy this morning too in looking up something on the computer about bands in Indiana. Somehow he got into wanting to see drum and bugle bands and then he was on the computer then he was asking if I had time sometime in November. ROAD TRIP!!! So cool … he said it was just 5 hours away. I keep reminding him I want to go see Thom, but the difference in cost from one thing to another would imply one isn’t quite as equal as the other.

I know, I know. But, I can’t help thinking I would really like to see Thom. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal, but intrinsically, I don’t think mother’s were meant to stay away from their sons for 1 ½ years. It just makes them goofy!

Rich is now listening to his good morning show. He had it recorded so he can see it without the commercials. I think that Rich and us spent time last night. We watched something … I don’t remember now … just that he was getting a massage throughout. What did we see. Hmm, just asked Rich. He said we saw something called, “I Spy.” It was kind of a funny silly movie. The big deal was that he was being made happy. He’s saying now he slept through most of it, but that would be like cheating. I’ve seen Rich do this before. As soon as you stop massaging him, he wakes up. Uh-huh uh-huh can we talk about his training of me?

We had the funniest of times earlier in that we were teasing him and so over made a deal where he was looking over and we brought his attention to giving the kitties foot a massage. It was like Chief was getting all our sympathy. I don’t remember what made it so funny, but we just laughed and laughed. It was not that much later that he was over kicking said cat off Rich’s couch! Hehehe.

Funny Rich.

Yesterday was so much fun for us in that we were getting work done, but we were outside and the weather was so nice, we just felt in heaven. We had taken our chair outside and put up our feet, brought out the computer and headphone and had something to drink. After a while we brought out our blanket too. Rich was in and out so that he couldn’t be too disturbed, but I think he wasn’t even when he was in. We just kept recording and recording and we got to the point that we only had 14 pages left. We had done a few of those pages from inside the quilting studio, but mostly outside.

We realized that when the guy across the street was leaf blowing that our voice had gotten louder to make up for the level being recorded. We seemed to be in another land when on our soap box reading out excitedly some of the emotions that we were feeling. I liked how the book ended and now we’re just finishing up on the three appendixes. We’re almost done with the last one. After the story ends there’s a little bit on Sarah’s love of V’s vampire, one more section, I’m not remembering right now, but the last part is on the journal for FlyLady. I like it as it is because it gives something a little lighter after the shock of realizing the story has ended and there has been questions left unanswered.

That’s it … I think that’s the hard core part of where we are from the things that happened between yesterday and today. I wish there could be something more prophetic, but I think that’s really about it. There are things on our mind, but we feel a little strung out as to what’s happening to turn one day to the next. It seems that the major part is getting the story finished with this last edit, but then we figure if its over then we’re done and we’ll have to be moving on. I’m not sure where we are heading, though perhaps, I could pick up some clues as to the bread crumbs we’ve been dropping.

You know the part of publishing, but you may not realize how much we’ve been putting into the horoscope part. We wake up every morning and nearly knock over the cats to get there. I don’t know which version of horoscope we are reading. We just know that it comes from our phone. This is this morning’s:

“Don’t think twice about a decision. You may have made a choice that you are now hemming and hawing about, but that is futile. It is too late to undo what you did, and it’s too late to change or redirect the decision you made. But that isn’t a problem anyway. Even though you may have agonized over a certain issue or change in your life, you did exactly the right thing. So stop second-guessing yourself and looking in the rear view mirror. Everything will work out far better than you expect.”

It is telling us that it is ok where we have come to about the writing. I think that the worry comes with the general worry of seeing a project through; we continue to go back over all the elements in the effort to make sure that everything is in its place. I think we got it. We really do like how things end up. It’s a little too soon to be thinking of anything different because it’s such a main part of our life. The part where we keep rushing over to see the house pictures, hoping and hoping that we could be well off enough to afford our dream … well it’s just pretty demanding.

I don’t want anyone to get the idea that this other part the writing for the sake of writing isn’t equally as important. I don’t know what I would have done in life, if it weren’t for the writing. I would add here that if you have any inclination whatsoever that you might want to try the same thing. I’ve seen it with so many of the other journalists and bloggers. It’s just that people sometimes come to realize that their life – the day to day version is as important or if not more important than anything else in the past or future. It’s like living right now with the best of your brain.

Right now my brain is fighting not to become engaged in an easier path of listening to Rich’s show. They just had an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis. I have to admit that was interesting though we refused to turn around and watch it, because we DON’T want to give into something that isn’t being planned by our mind directly. It’s the shame of TV is that it just organizes hour by hour for you and the decisions of whether to turn it onto one channel or another. I’m thinking in a few moments his favorite Sunday show is going to be over. Maybe he will do something else? I know that he gets frustrated afterward for just sitting there, but will he call all that out and do something that he’d really like to get done.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry about him … it’s more me. Am I going to let our brain go lax? NOOOOOO I refuse!

So, then what were we thinking we should be thinking? Is this metacognition? Maybe it’s time again we look at the house. We need to keep THE dream alive.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Sure is a nice slushy kind of morning

Oh Lordy … it’s been a week since we’ve written? What’s up with that? I just skimmed through VERY briefly what things we were talking about last time. I think the major parts were that I was still dreaming of the house and thinking that Maury and his family might be able to move in. But, we were thinking that would happen before we even found out if we could sell more than the 50 books. I’m pretty sure then we were ahead of ourselves. The second part which was much more encompassing as the week wore on was the part of looking at our genealogy. We had looked at a few pictures and had written the three paragraphs, but that was pretty much it as to last week.

To explain the genealogy part, we had next thought to look at We’d done that sometime in the past, but it was too expensive. It’s like $30 a month. There is a 2 week free trial, so we signed up for that, most likely we’ll carry it a bit further, but then we’ll sign off the subscription until we have a reason to check it out more fully. We got Rich engaged in it a bit too, but until we talk further to his Mom, we might be at a standstill with his side, because it has so many dead ends. He might also talk to his aunt who might have ideas. We set up one tree for me and one for him.

Our tree short-cutted on my father’s side, but there are a few threads on my mother’s side that are still going – I last left off on having found about 400 people and I still had 130 leaves to turn over. I’m sure that some of those leaves are going to create new leaves and in the process I met our 3rd cousin! Wow that’s something. She seems to like talking like us. Hehehe her email goes by “twisted-something” so that part worries me a bit, but in general we seem to be getting along quite well. I just have to be very explicit sometime as to what our boundaries are. I think she would like me to search out my mother’s side more than psychologically would be healthy for me. So this morning I gave her the brothers and my mother’s names and approximate age and location, and after that she will be on her own.

Helen is my 3rd cousins name and we share the same great great Grandparents on my mom’s mom’s side. Her Great father Otto was my Great grandmother Bertha’s older brother. Bertha came right after Otto although Otto was born in Germany where 3 years later Bertha was born in Fondulac WI. There were 8 siblings. She told us of one story where a set of first cousins got pregnant and married, but where I considered that incest she only considered incest between the grandparents or parents. I suppose it depends on laws from state to state.

I think Helen put something in the mail for me as to stuff about relatives. I’m going to be so excited to get it. She gave me the indication to think that there was quite a bit of material. I don’t know how to thank her enough already for having been so considerate as to be doing this. Really looking forward though thinking I might have to go through some of it with Dr. Marvin. I’ll have to wait and see what is in the package. I hope there are going to be stories of relatives. I would like to know more of the families identity and if there were things that followed through most of the families that were coming out of the Wolfgram’s and beyond. I don’t think I mentioned it, but we’ve traced two families back into the 1600’s and we still have more leaves to be turning over. I’m just so very excited.

I think the ancestry stuff took over my life for 3-4 days, and then finally we stopped it very consciously. So the last 3-4 days we haven’t done much with the tree directly with the exception of just thinking about it. We know we have all those leaves and they are going to be very exciting to turn over, but we have to wait until we finish the editing work with the book. It has to be ok, that we write first in the morning, but we talked to Carolyn last night and told her we’d have the work on her desk when she came in Monday morning. I don’t want to disappoint her and I know if we don’t finish then she’s not going to be able to schedule us in and then we’ll have to wait until there is more pressure to be getting things in before Christmas.

There’s probably much more here … but we’ve been kind of drifty for the last 20 minutes. I can’t remember what we were thinking 3 minutes ago though. I think we’ll let it go … we are at one of those areas where it hurts to think about stuff that didn’t happen to us directly.

I talked to Carolyn though last night – we had tried to get a hold of Natalie first, but she left before we could make the call after we’d eaten dinner. They are like 2 hours behind us so most times I can call in time before they leave. Carolyn had just said she was thinking about us because we usually call Friday night meaning this would be our 3rd weekend that it happened. It is kinda a nice relaxed schedule. It’s right between having been working all week and then using it as a marker to start the weekend where we hope to be more productively working on the editing.

I think they would allow a little more contact, but I’m feeling a bit guilty for not going any faster. It does seem to make sense though. While we were talking to her, we recalled that we had been talking of the editing with Dr. Marvin. He thought that some of our problem might be because of the stance Dr. Woollcott has taken. Pretty much there he said that he didn’t really want to do it, but he could see how important it was to me. So, he said he would think about it. He also said that it would be fine for Dr. Marvin to do it. I don’t know if he was missing the point that we wanted input from both doctors. There was a sense of rejection from this particularly because we had helped him when he was writing a book by adding something of ourselves for the chapter he was doing for us, and then we went through many edits with him. We had hoped he would do something back for us – though not nearly so time encompassing.

He had talked about permissions and everything and we were like but WE are giving you permission that’s the big deal.

After talking to Dr. Marvin, we had come to a joint conclusion that Dr. Marvin would talk to UICs legal team and then he would write to Dr. Woollcott and tell him what he found out. I’m pretty sure that Dr. Woollcott has some idea on all that because he had been writing a book too and it was a matter with UIC that he get a signature from us saying that it was ok. So, just in case we signed a release with Dr. Marvin in preparation with that was what would be necessary.

I asked him independently what he thought of doing some writing and he had said he was actually quite excited. I can’t tell you how much that was appreciated. After telling this to Carolyn … I had heard her listening carefully and she seemed appreciative how much I’d really actually put into this over the week. It was like Yah! I’d forgotten. Hehehe how like us.

We ended the conversation kind of tired out by it. I think we told her we were on our way to a football game. She said something like looking forward to the manuscript being on her desk when she came in on Monday and we agreed to that. I very much much much want to be doing that. I’d like to see what comes next and next. We’ve gone far enough with this project to know that it is going to go through with whatever results happen. This is our story and it deserves to be told – regardless of how many people buy into reading - just need to take it a day at a time … well, ok, maybe just a little dreaming too of looking at house pictures.

Maybe we’ll do that for just a few moments.

Ok, we’ve been there done that and will probably go back to it later on. We’ve got a picture of our kitchen, dining and living room up. I think that we’d started by doing a slideshow of the pictures, and then we found ourselves looking again at the floor plans, and then we looked at furniture a bit. Primarily we were looking at girls beds in case our grandchildren wanted to move in. We’re thinking that we’d get double size bunk beds with a trundle pull-out bed. Basically, I think the two rooms will hold a double size bed, and I’d like all four girls to have one that size.

The big deal next was getting them the third bed. My thought on this is that if a girl is going to be a girl – she needs to have sleep-overs! Yup, yup that’s where we were going. It seemed they had beds like this at fairly reasonable prices. I also thought it was important to have the double size beds, because our thinking was that sometimes the girls were going to need space in their bedrooms to do their work or read or whatever. I thought with the bigger bed they could bring toys or computers up on their beds and that would be good for them. I think with mattresses and all for 4 girls plus two company it’s going to be about a $2-2400 cost and you still have to add 4 dressers to that. I didn’t check out those prices, but that would have to be part of the deal along with getting good organizers in the closet.

I think that if you were really going to need doubling two girls to a bedroom you would have to transfer over summer and winter clothes so that clothes not being used would go down in the basement in some kind of good system. I just can’t imagine how Maury’s got 4 girls in one bedroom … like where in the world are they going to put that much clothing?

Oh oh … it’s raining out. I think my sweetie is getting wet. Lucky he has white underthings so stuff doesn’t show through! It had been clearer out before, but it’s dark now. I wonder … I didn’t think about that, but we could probably take Rich’s chair out when it gets nicer and do our out loud recording from there. The weather has been really a nice temperature. I really like the smell of things coming in through the door. The trees are whistling just a bit and the traffic in the far distance is a nice whooshing sound. I’m thinking that the darker skies are like perfect for people wanting to sit in bed and read. Ok, that’ be one of our lazy parts, but just the same … it’s cozy out now. We’ve got soft background music and am enjoying the act of writing. Just feeling nice.

I might have to think about making some more coffee. We’re out and it’s about 10:30 am, so still into the drinking coffee stage. Hold on lets do that right away. Good good. We also made sure our phone was charging in case the electricity went out. We’re also charging up the headphones and iPod. I don’t know about Rich … there was a loud thunder and I’m thinking that if there is thunder they cancel the game. He said it was in Lyons so hopefully he’s coming home pretty soon.

Nothing like having a nice rainy day with your sweetie! We also backed up the computer so we don’t lose what we have. It’s really coming down cats and dogs now. He’s going to be SOAKED.

I think I’m going to jump in the shower so he can have his when he gets home to warm up.

Hmm, now it seems to have stopped raining. I don’t know if he canceled the game or not. There sure are going to be a lot of wet fans though. I wonder how many people brought their umbrellas to the stands with them.

That reminds me we had a sort of bad experience last night. Wait … I’ll post it from Linda’s letter this morning.

We DID go to the football game. We started out the night with going out to dinner. I had potato skins with bacon and cheese. It was nice! Mostly because I got to be with Rich and talk about stuff in general. I never know how we get from one thing to another, but I do love being with him. Afterward we went to the game. YAY Ann!

It was a good experience and a bad experience. We got there in time to be watching the end of the sophomore game, and then we got through to somewhere about the 3rd quarter before we broke down.

We were doing good and getting into the most perfect fall weather and just watching the game – sort of but mostly the people around us … there was so much to be seeing and thinking about, but I do remember how surreal it was and I was enjoying myself. But, then somewhere in the third quarter, a group of kids came and sat immediately in front of us. They were a part of a gang, and it got very intimidating. We knew they were a gang because of the deal with the hats turned backward. The security was very cautious of people coming in with their hats turned backward. The kids that came in front of us – immediate bench in front had to be told to turn around their hats and then later the girl grabbed the guys hat and turned in around on her head. She was a very tough kind of person. She spent her time putting braids in her boyfriend’s hair. It was a very terrible experience.

Rich was like not really paying attention because he was tuned into the game and after having gone through hundreds of games that sort of thing doesn’t really affect him. I did ok, until one of the guys got up several times and would run in back of us to around where the other part of his party was, and then he’d run back to his space in front of his girlfriend, and then that was repeated about 3 times before I really just got to freaked out. We regressed and even though Rich was still enjoying the game – the dynamics were just way over board for me. Rich helped me down the bleachers and then he had to pretty much chase me out to the car.

We weren’t able to talk at all – too regressed until after we got home. Rich had tried to talk to the younger parts that were at the game regressed by telling them that after the game we were going to stop for ice cream. That’s always a very big deal to our system, and it worked for about 3 minutes, but then we were way past gone again. We made a choice of going home rather than getting ice cream. That’s a pretty good idea of how far past things are for us. We went immediately to bed, but then I think we gave Rich a very hard time about taking our medicine … it was already past do and with all the stimulation it was way over our time. When we FINALY got past that we just laid down on the couch and fell asleep and we didn’t remember Rich waking us up to go to bed proper.

So, that was pretty much of our night … Like we said there was good and bad. The part that was most spooked didn’t seem to be very able to talk to Rich. They were like frozen and stiff – most likely than that it was a combination of Lissa and Gracie.

Ok, that’s enough of that stuff. But, I’m going to need working very hard so that it doesn’t turn out we skip opportunities just because of one bad experience. I think we disappointed Rich for not only him missing the latter part of the game, but also because we’d regressed pretty badly and weren’t able to help him out much. I can’t remember the last time we out and out refused to take our medicine, which would have helped with the anxiety. He left the room, but then came back in a couple moments and he started pulling pillows from her and saying he was going to sleep in the living room, but then someone didn’t want him sleeping without her so then the parts switched up and we were able to get up take the medicine before lying down to sleep again. We didn’t talk to him about it this morning, but when it does come up we’ll probably be scolded. * Yah, there was some crying too.

Shoot just hate that when it happens.

We’re distracting ourselves with downloading the new iTunes stuff. It’s almost 11 am now.

Hmm, we don’t know what we were talking about. Something about the house and then maybe last the game? I remember we took our shower. Maybe we should think of work for just a few moments. I know we did some productive things. We had a couple of annuals this week and then we went through all of the paperwork on our desk. That was really good and we got things put away that we’d held onto for quite a bit. We also had an administration meeting and a Thinking group.

The admin meeting was so so … I always like hearing what sister has to say about things that are going on, but I really, really hate listening to the other Q adding her run along dialogue like she has to repeat everything that sister did and then add her couple cents worth. It’s nothing personal, it’s just an annoying habit.

We try not to talk unless we have something specific to say. I wish it were like that all around. I feel like I am in a church revival.

Hmm, 22 free application downloads. We can do that. Next is going to be taking care of those 96 podcasts. That should take a couple of hours. App updates are fast and easy. There done! Whoops something more to update. It’s doing AIM again. This is what we got on the iPod. Safari, Calendar, Mail, Contacts, YouTube, Stocks, Maps, Notes, Settings, Weather, Clock, Calculator, Blog, Videos, AccelaStudy AccuFuel, Rhapsody, Photos, Music, iTunes, App store, AIM, Ambiance, AppBox Pro, Bankarama, Eat that frog, CalorieCount, CNN, Color expert, Constituition, Crossword Dictionary, Engadget, eReader, Eternity, Evernote, Excuses, EZ-30, FabricStash, Facebook, FitPhone, gFlash+, Google Earth, Google, Homeroutine, Horoscopes, I Ching, iDecide +, iGaragesale, Kindle, ledger, Loand-what if, Logmein, Mission Zero, iDisk, myPantone, My words, Notebook, NPR News, Outliner, Pinger phone, Pocket Piano, Public Radio, Puzzloop, Quilt fab, Quilt ref, Read it later, Rhapsody, Security of People and Computers, Stick it, Stitcher, Any Count, Tip, Todo, Trulia, Tweetie, What-2-Buy, White Pages, Word Wizard, World Traffic, Yahtezze Adv., Yellow pages, Zip finder, and Fitness.

Pswhoo. That’s kinda a lot, but I’m sure others have even more.

I have to admit that since we got the Evo, we’ve been using that more than the iPod. Well, we still use the iPod, but it’s more for listening to podcasts and Rhapsody. We can also use it for a back up book for Kindle, but find when we sit down to read at home on the phone Kindle, we keep her plugged in and running on full. It is nice though to get into bed and not really have to worry about a cord, though often there too we plug her in. It’s very pleasurable being with Rich both facing the foot of the bed where the light is and he’ll be reading his library book and we’ll be reading from the Kindle. It’s sweet! Just when he gets done he wants us BOTH to go to sleep. We tell him to turn off the light because we have a lighted background on our book. He’s always grumbly when I don’t go to sleep at the same time. He’s usually right though … a few moments after he falls asleep we’re falling asleep to and he has to get up and make sure we turn around in the bed proper. That’s just Rich though. He’s a really nice guy. Oh, perhaps we’ve mentioned that Hehehe.

AHA! Rich is home now. It’s about 11:30 am. I was hoping he’d come home soon.

He didn’t finish the game because of the rain, but they cancelled it after the rain went through so that was surprising for him. It was thundering and lightening so they had to pause the game. We talked a bit and I was right while we were watching him take off his game stuff he told us so like are we going to talk about last night. Then I knew I was in for it. He doesn’t really yell, but it does sound pretty much like a lecture and we don’t like to go through it. We try to explain ourselves and then he says something like, ok this is going to happen, I was having a good time, we could have moved somewhere different, but that we didn’t have to rush off because I’m supposed to stay old enough to handle stuff. But, it was terrible, but he was saying there wasn’t any real problem, but we’re thinking … terrible.

So now he’s watching TV and eating lunch. He liked to watch old shows. He’s watching M-Squad or something like that. It takes place in Chicago and he caught my attention and replayed the part where 17 women get out of this little van. It was kind of funny. BUT, then we told him we were writing and that watching TV in the middle of a perfectly good Saturday afternoon should be criminal! It’s our best time of the week to write. We can do ok with the television in the background, but we wished he wasn’t watching it. One because your ears are drawn to the sound and the second because he could be doing something better he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for afterward.

Yeeks! Ok, anyway.

We should say that we listened to at least 3 quilting podcasts this week. We got two of Sandy’s quilting with the rest of us, and one of the lady who does the Off-Kilter Quilter. They are both my favorites right now. It doesn’t seem that Darla is recording at all or she would be one of my favorites. Hmm! It seems she did one on the 23rd of August … maybe I haven’t listened to that one yet. My last podcast was on the 17th. Oh man that’s like a month from yesterday. Yeeks!

Maybe we’ll do a lighter one right after we finish the editing.

We also talked to Emily and Linda and CS. I’m not saying much there, but I’m not sure if we’re going to get together this next month, because CS isn’t better yet.

I think her holding herself back is affecting what she has coming up. Emily said that she’d like her to build more strength so she can handle the Quilting Retreat in November. I think it’s the weekend before Thanksgiving.

The thing about these guys is that it reminds us that we haven’t done quilting for quite a bit. I was thinking that if the others didn’t go to CS for that weekend that I might try it. I’m afraid of it because we get frustrated so easy with lack of progress. We talked to CS on the way home yesterday. It was discouraging. She seems to be settling that she’s going to be bed-ridden the rest of her life and she’s not going to expect much of herself and that she has to do a lot less stress. So I don’t really know what to do with that. She just lives at home, doesn’t talk to anyone and recently isn’t even quilting … where is the stress?!

I did for the sake of argument confirm with her that I presented stress. She tried to take it as a good stress that someone would worry over her, but that’s not really the way I wanted it to go. I don’t want her to get comfortable that I’m in any way going to “take care of” or “coddle” the parts of her that aren’t at 100%.

It is not that I’m without sympathy, I just hate the thought that she’s not trying very hard. I asked her about Nathan and she stated that he hadn’t been around much, and then I asked about Mark and she said HE wasn’t around much and they hadn’t been talking much. She doesn’t understand she’s not got anything to add to the conversation. You can’t be in charge if all the other moments you are helpless.

So, ok, that’s enough of my grumbling there. It’s just a hard thing.

We talked to Rich and I think we’re going to work it out so that I get to take my chair out where it would be more comfortable and then he wouldn’t have to move, but I might be too loud for him. He said something about going to get his oil changed, so he’ll be gone a little bit, but not too much. I really did like to be out doors yesterday. I always like fall temperatures. He said that we’ve got to wait a few more moments though because he heard thunder and he wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to rain again. I suppose that makes sense. Just that I’m not starting. I think his show is just ending so maybe it’s going to be a good transition time?

Hmm, maybe not … it was just a commercial break.

Wouldn’t it be soooo cool to build a house? Maybe it’s time I do another slide show. Ahh! How nice that was. I’m not in my imagination trying to imagine me saying no Maury … you and your girl DON’T get the master bedroom. That would be like writing on the wall.