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Monday, September 6, 2010

It's a Friday

Brought over from 8-27-10

Good morning. It’s me. We prepared for the staffing when we came in and now am waiting for the meeting.

There was a major development this morning in that I talked to my mother and she is going to forward a check for $1000 this morning so that I can start the publishing. This is like a major big deal. I don’t know whether to be scared or excited. I’m going to have to talk with Natalie as to protections for people, but especially the center and Sr. Theresa.

I’m really hoping that after the Thinking Group today that I can go home and then get in touch with Natalie. There will be a lot more of this later on when there’s more time, but for now I am figuring that I can talk to her and make the necessary corrections using the search and replace keys. I might have to read it one more time though with the directions that the publishing company gives to me if they see this as going forward. Since I’m paying them, I can’t imagine them saying that it wouldn’t go further.

My mother wrote down about a half dozen questions that she wanted me to answer. They were fair questions and had to do with things like additional money put into the endeavor, editing, timing, etc. Right now it seems the checks and balances are good, and when I said something about wanting them to feel comfortable about the investment with the book, she astutely said it was an investment of me. That was a very nice thing to say.

It was another matter speaking with Dr. Marvin last night. I think he said something to the affect that we’re at the “I don’t give a f**k stage about the fears I have. He says that in the here and now they are neither rational nor real and that I don’t have to feel powerless to them. He thinks the book is a very good thing and that by going through the process I will be confronting these fears we’ve carried for so long. I don’t recall Dr. Marvin ever being so animated in his assurances of the situation.

We had come into the meeting upset with a peer, which was just the last straw as to our holding things together. There was enough anger and frustration for having to wait and all the emotions and feelings that are being handled right now that anything could have tilted us. I think it was about 20-30 minutes before we finally looked up and saw Dr. Marvin. We had parts that were looking for the fairies close to the ground of his arm chair. When we realize that’s what is happening it’s our sign that we aren’t looking at him directly like we do having an adult conversation. I think that was a result of being slapped for looking at my mother angry as she was saying something like I’ll wipe that smirk off your face.
Yeeks … don’t want to go through all that now. Too excited about going forward – I just wrote Dr. Marvin a short 4 line note on a paperwork thing and the appreciation of his sincerity and directness last night. It was like someone really unscrewed the tooth paste tube! I think he also said something professional like I was ballsy. HA! That about lightened my spirit about 93 notches – he was beaming as he said it … I think he’s proud of me. Those made me feel like a million dollars.

I just sent a note to Natalie asking her to call me back after 2 pm. By then the meetings will be over. Oh please, please let’s not have a slow moving day. I’m afraid that I won’t get the Kindle service without going up another step. I will have to talk to Rich about it … or maybe say go ahead with what you can for $1000 and then maybe afterward we can add it. I’m so afraid of all the extra things that could cost money. I’m feeling some pressure to get the publication in time for the Christmas rush. I don’t know if it’s doable. I think for the speedy service you have to pay an extra $300 and that just gets it done by 3 weeks. My mother has made it fairly clear that she won’t be able to put forward all the extra stuff. I don’t know what to do about that. We’ll have to talk to Natalie. I guess a lot depends on that and past that I shouldn’t probably be thinking too much. I just went over some of the publication stuff though as to getting it to them. They don’t say anything about double space, but they do say that we can’t go over 744 pages and I know that mine is 321, but it’s 10 pitch and they say 12 pitch. The max for color books is 200 pages, so maybe somewhere along the line we could publish a book on pictures to go along with the text. I don’t know … you can tell our thoughts are pretty random at this point.

I still am worrying about the privacy. I think that’s going to take some time. Ok, ok … let’s give it a break. What are we going to do with the add-on costs?
Ok, we’re back now. The meeting is over. We’re on lunch now.

Yeeks that was frosty. One of the staff just came in and then left without saying anything even though I thanked her for cleaning the windows. That was part of a bad situation yesterday. I had complained to Sr. Theresa that I was being treated like a second class citizen … If you are not Sister then you are given no respect.

I don’t have to take it any further than that, but to say the rudeness yesterday in getting to our project later, and then said next week was a hard thing to take.

Everyone else had windows done at the start of the week. And, then they said that we’d have to move our own books, but the cleaning staff have 5 paid labors so that they should be doing the job. She didn’t say anything to the thank you so now the frostiness continues and she’s putting my books in upside down. I’m hoping that she fixes that.

Margarita came in and I told her I felt disrespected and that we’d been thinking of quitting yesterday we were so mad at being handled poorly. I think she tried to understand it, but she’s not getting it. I don’t think she realizes that she’s closed off from us as much as she is. We used to be very good friends I’d go over her place and she’d go to mine, but then it seems as if the Spanish Speaking staff just talk to one another. I have never liked that when you walk past some of the staff it’s all Spanish speaking … I know we’ve gone through this argument before … It’s just if that’s all you here and they don’t talk to you at any other time you start to think it is a clique and you are pretty much invisible. Yesterday when I saw the one go from here to talk about the other it was a longer 7-8 minute conversation and then a very quick terse situation when she came back. So then a person starts to think they were talking negatively about her.

So, I suppose that’s my part of the problem. Because no one talks to me, and when they are within range it’s all Spanish, then I shouldn’t be jumping to any conclusion, but I can say this the contact is cold and unfriendly. Just talked to Rich about it … ready to put it to bed.

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