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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Friday, September 10, 2010

It's ok, to dream still isn't it? Ok, maybe after the work is done!

Good morning. This is us. We’re thinking that we forgot to post our entry from yesterday, but maybe we’ll get caught up over the weekend. It’s going to be a quiet day, because we are staying home to finish up some editing. We’re getting a late start this morning. I’m not sure why. I know that we were having trouble staying awake and Rich had to wake us up to say goodbye, but then we fell asleep again.

We missed out on our Dr. Marvin appointment last night. I felt very bad about that. We had thought about it earlier in the day, but through the day we seemed to loose track that it was a Thursday. It started out strangely, because Sr. didn’t want people going into the leadership room during the day so she locked me in the back rooms. This hasn’t ever happened before. I was able to come and go like to the washroom, etc., but it kind of put a far distant twist in the day. I felt neglected.

I did get some work done on computers in that we have been going through the paces to save them on an off-site back-up and we have been loading an anti-virus and anti-spyware program to many of the work computers. I got stuck because most of the laptops weren’t done correctly in having been authenticated. We’ll have to wait until Monday when the computer guy calls back to fix it. We can’t save on them proper and we can’t get them protected by the MS Essentials program until it’s fixed. I’m hoping that they were official programs that were ok. It should have come with the new computers.

As to Dr. Marvin though – the last part of our day yesterday we’d worked on the reading out loud of the manuscript and we got into that and didn’t think anything else. We did some calls for work, but pretty much worked until a half hour from the time we were supposed to have left. And, then we came home, ate, watched a little news and started some reading. It was about a multiple and the relating she’d been doing with her doctor. About 15 minutes in it occurred to me that we had a doctor and we’d forgotten about the appointment. We wrote to Dr. Marvin and he answered back that he was glad that we were ok, but then we missed the part where we were going to be talking about the book foreword, plus whatever else might happen.

I really get frustrated with things like this, because so often we wait and wait for our opportunity to be seeing Dr. Marvin. I love that guy to pieces. I also know that because he is who he is, he will be reading into things why I might not subconsciously been where I was supposed to be. I do know that I was thinking of just getting through the day because I was going to take today off, but if I’d just been flashed a second of that it was Thursday and time to see Dr. Marvin – there would have not been any hesitation to go. I miss him already.

Hmm, but then there is playing on Facebook. AHA! We got a hold of Rich and he gave us the number for his cousin Vicky. We had agreed to become FB friends, but I couldn’t find her because her name was popular and there wasn’t any easy identifying information stating she was who she was. I left a voice mail message asking her to befriend me under my name. There was some really cool things happening like she liked FB like us, and she liked the iPod Touch and she even liked Rhapsody music on her iPod … man this kind of stuff just doesn’t happen all the time, I’m pretty sure we were meant to stay in touch. I’m looking forward to talking to her again. Now if she doesn’t contact me back, that will be another thing, but we’re going to hope for the best!

Some of the playing was in talking between Vickie and Julie and me. We’re teasin Vickie our mutual friend because she’s on vacation camping with her hubby – all by herself, but she’s still F-Booking. Funny girl – we asked if she wasn’t drinking coffee if she’d at least been frolicking and cavorting. I loved that phrase from way back when Rich used to call us and let us know he was coming up to Winona to visit. He’s so cool!

We got another happy message from our Horoscope today. It’s been very consistent especially on the days that we are working on the book. Today it says:
“For quite some time now you’ve wished for more abundance in your life. That desire could relate to money, you home, and your family and friends. Beginning this week and over the next few weeks, you should experience the fulfillment of this desire over and over in many ways. And the effects will stay with you for a long time, if not forever. But one area you’re almost afraid to hope for is also due to become quite abundant and fulfilling. That area is love. You’ll either meet someone you can happily spend the rest of your life with, or your current relationship will flourish in unexpected ways.”

WOOHOO!!! Now if that isn’t positive I don’t know what isn’t. I have to be very truthful in that although I don’t know if we’ll sell over 50 copies of the book, there are definitely parts of me that are hoping almost desperately, that we could sell the 140,000 some copies that would enable us to be buying the house I want. I found in the manuscript for this first book, that even then we were talking about wanting to be in a house. We had wanted and have wanted this one thing so badly over the years; it almost hurts to write about it. This is the house that we are talking about.

I’ll show you the floor plans too. This model is called the Magnolia. It’s got a basement and dream kitchen with an L-shaped Island and opens nicely to a large family room and the Master bedroom includes a full, private bathroom with dual walk-in closets

I know this isn’t the first time we’ve shown you these pictures. The house sells for a base price of $247,990 and is 3109 square feet. It is a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath on 2 levels with a 3 car garage.

This is the neighborhood. It’s called Blackberry Crossing West from Ryland Homes.

Ok, ok … we’ve been thinking heavily into this is all going to work. We find ourselves remodeling the inside moving bathrooms or washer and dryers and we don’t even own these things. I just have this burning dream. I don’t know exactly what it is that makes people want to own their own homes. I think Rich even has it in a small way in that periodically he points out a place and says something like we could do something like that. And, we are like, no I don’t think so. I know which house I want and living in something like this other one would be frightful. It’s nothing like the house I want.

The other day we found ourselves mentally walking around the house and trying to figure out how to put six more people in the place. Basically, we had talked to Maury and I’m thinking that if we moved into a house, I’d heavily recommend he and his girl and their four children move in with us. I know it would be a big inconvenience all around to be asking this many people to live together … we’d have to be very particular over the boundaries. But, for the most part I can see what works better together than not. I think that Maury’s girlfriend would have it the hardest, because she’d be further from work, and she’d have a mother-in-law type person involved in her daily life with her girls, her boyfriend’s girls and her boyfriend.

The good part of this would be though that it could be a temporary situation. We could give them three bedrooms – 2 people for each, we could give them the one study on the first floor, and we could give them the majority of the basement so they could build their own private family room down there. Also if they wanted they could put in a small kitchenette to take some of the load off the first floor, and we are thinking they could put in a bit of a game room for the girls and another room to be studying in. With 4 young girls there would be a lot of homework – oh and there’d be another full bathroom down there to take some of the strain off of everyone getting ready in the morning.

What are the obvious advantages other than them getting space for everyone?

Basically, we would require $1000 per month rent, and that money would get set aside for them to purchase a house several years down the line. I have the idea now that they are paying like $16-1800 a month rent for both places. If they could save $12,000 a year … then they would have a good chance of having their own place in 3-4 years. It be a big deal if they could get out of debt and have $48,000 with two incomes to put down on their own place. I’m not sure if everyone would be so excited with this deal as I would be. But it would be a good thing all around.

We’d really have to get to know some of the good and bad about each other and we’d have to be very careful over boundaries. It would take a lot of trust all around. We could help out with things like babysitting so they could have some private time, and I would like to believe we could help out with things like homework. We would still have to hire someone for maid service at least once a week and we’d have to have someone for lawn maintenance, unless maybe Maury could do that. The idea though would be to give them as much time with their kids and getting to know each other as would be possible.

My understanding of the situation is that Maury’s girl isn’t any better off with her credit as Maury. But, if they showed a record of staying and paying 4 years rent on time, that would certainly help their record. And, they would be able to save an extra $600x12-$7,200 or nearly $30,000 in the four years if they stayed off the credit cards and paid what they are paying extra in rent now on their past cards or other debt. I don’t know a better gift to give Maury. It would be like giving him a get out of debt card.

I think the instrumental part is that we would give him the basement. I’m thinking we would have to put another $40,000 into the house to do it right. I would want them very comfortable with the space. I know that Maury’s old house he used the basement quite a bit so he’s comfortable with that kind of space, but with a 3,100 square foot house there would be much more room in the basement then he had before.

I also think it wouldn’t be a bad thing for the girls to get a couple more loving adults in their life. We would have to make sure not to get the wires crossed in that they would be under the jurisdiction of their “parents,” just we would have a part too. From what it sounds like from Maury the situation with his ex-MIL isn’t as great as he’d once thought. I think between his old family and his new family, he’s finding that his new girlfriend is more of a disciplinarian. I think I could appreciate that more or less, but I wouldn’t want to subscribe to any idea where anyone is giving anyone else slaps or hits. It would be a lot.

I could also envision a problem with my writing as like now I’m writing about what I’m thinking, but it wouldn’t necessarily be fair for those other people living with me if I were writing their story out loud. We’d have to find some boundary there too. I think for me that is the worst of the situation. I’m sure Maury and his girl would like it better if we could just give them the $48,000, but that isn’t reasonable by any standard. It wouldn’t have taught them to be more frugal, by either paying down their debt or saving toward the future. Maybe I would be thought of as being an ogre in making them live with us and maybe she would think we were crazy like the other girl did, but that would have to be what I could offer.

I think with giving them their own space, especially with all the bedrooms and basement, plus 2 baths and the study we’d be giving them plenty of space for being together. It would have to be a love nest. The more I think of adding a kitchenette down in the basement the better I feel, because they could then spend as much time down there as they wanted without coming up or down. She has to be working on it that she can provide for her family.

If things didn’t work out with Maury then his girl and her girls could leave without devastating Maury and his girls again at least toward living space. It would have to then be understood that half of whatever money was saved would go with the girl. I really hope that wouldn’t be the case though in that I hope Maury has found his true love and that they’d be together forever. It’s the romantic idea that any Mom could and should have for her son. I have to admit too that I would like to get to know her and her girls, and for that matter, my grandchildren.

There’s another part too in being able to have space for me and Rich. I think in giving the kids the basement with remodeling being done – we would get to maintain other space, such as I still want the formal living and dining room to be for Rich and my offices and I would like the loft to be for my quilting studio. I would make sure that the offices have some kind of big table in the middle though in case grandchildren wanted to work on homework there. If Rich was there they’d have to be quiet, but in general I would want a space they would feel comfortable using. I think another part of the deal, was that I’d want to give all four girls their own laptop computer. That way they could bring their work up to their rooms, be in our offices, or they could be in their homework space underneath.

I think the maid would be in charge basically of bathrooms and upstairs kitchen. I would want those guys to do their own kitchen, but if push came to shove – realizing that they’d both be working hard, we could have the maid do that too. The one other thing the maid would do is wash or vacuum floors. That is pretty good - floors, bathrooms, and kitchen and that would be done once a week. It would really take a lot of pressure off everyone if this would be done by someone else. This would mean too though that people would have to keep things picked-up. And, we would have to work together to get things done like if there were painting or washing windows.

I think if we could give Rich pretty much his own space in the office most of the time and if he and I had most use of the family room and if not there we had the bigger bedroom and bath we could retire to, then I’m thinking things would pretty much work for him too. He’d still get his days out to be doing fishing, cards, golfing and officiating. The cooking would be something that would be much more divided if we had left the kids a nice space below, but then too there would be nights we all ate together upstairs. We’d have to get a table for 12, but keep it generally without the leaves to being an 8 person set-up. I don’t feel bad of losing the formal dining room, because I’ve never bought into that whole deal.

I think there would be days where Rich was home during the day doing business and I would by then be writing from home without working elsewhere. Ok, ok … we’re really dreaming now. But, the deal is that because Maury and his girl work, and all three girls would be in school, there would be that much time for privacy. I don’t know exactly what they would want to do with the study, but we could go two ways there. Either they use it for the adult private office space so they can get away from the family somewhat too, or they could give the space to Rich and he could make it into his tackle room. That’s the idea that we originally had for the space.

If the kids weren’t going to live there we might live a bit differently, like we’d make the back middle bedroom into a laundry room on the second floor, and then we could have options for the little utility room on the main floor… Hehehe I’d like to see a nice Jacuzzi in there myself! And, if the kids weren’t there, then we could set up the one long bedroom into being used for a long arm sewing machine.

Oh yeah we’ve been dreaming about that too. It’s just that if the kids would consider the deal, then we would be more apt to lean in their direction. Maybe until 4 years down the line when they leave we could have a space in the basement for the machine if we seriously wanted to go that direction. We’d like to think we’re adaptable.

The one only other thought really that we were having when we were considering space and all is that our granddaughters would get the front of the house bedroom closer to us and the other two girls would get the bedroom closest to their Mom. The longer bedroom naturally is the biggest of the three and would go to Maury and his girl. It’s just bigger by a couple feet, but that counts and the closet is bigger too going the width of the bedroom without the door. They could make an extra space down in the basement to put clothes that were out of season.

We should always have at least two bedrooms open for guest, because people generally come in like that. I’m thinking that we’d be most likely to have visitors if we had a house over just having an apartment. We’re coming into years where Jillian, Jon and Thom might stop over, or if Maury and his family or the family Joe might have some day – could have the extra rooms for being comfortable in putting their stuff in or giving kids an extra space to hang-out.

I figure that if we could do all this with the kids and then they would move out down the line, we would make those changes just noted, but we’d also have in the basement a movie room where their family room had been and we could keep game systems down there for when the kids visited. We’d also open up the space toward the little kitchen to have snacks, pops, and water. No drinks down there where kids might be sneakin! The bathroom will always come in handy and I’d like to think the family room and the study room is fairly open though closed enough so that some people can be watching TV, but it be quieter for the others. Let us see then … family room, kitchen, homework room, bath and hmm, one more room … I’d like to see a family room and a den down there, so that the kids and adults can have some privacy from each other. There should also be an open space between the kitchen and family room like upstairs where they can have a table. Yup yup… this is sounding pretty cool.

Ok, then what’s the deal? Then someone of us has to make some major money. Hmm? That is you? You mean me? Ok, ok we’re getting to that part. We’ve had some pretty constructive time to be thinking, hmm? Just what else do we want to get done before getting into the other?

Rich is going to be gone all day. He has Center work, and then he has to be leaving for out of town by about 2:30 pm, and then he’ll catch a ride with the guys and they will all go out to their small town football game together. It probably means also that they will share dinner, and Rich said something about not being home until about 12:30 am. It’s going to be a long day and hopefully, we can put in about 8 hours into the work on the book. I would like to check in today with Carolyn to make sure we’re doing ok with the time. I would have liked to finish the work by last weekend, but that was too impossible. If I’m not careful I will lose this weekend too. I figure if I can put in 24 hours over the next three days, we can get it done; it’s just that somewhere in the middle we are going to think it is too much.

He’ll be over his mother’s for one of the time segments. I believe he has a game tomorrow morning, but then has Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, or Sunday afternoon to go in to see them. He might think of asking me, but we’re going to really need begging off. There’s too much work to get done here.

Ok good we are working on it. We just set up the room so that all our devices are plugged in and we’re about ready to start the editing. Maybe we could take a break after a bit and write some more. I recognize that there is some avoidance in leaving the writing behind. I think about the only other thing going on in our mind is that we’ve been reading about another multiple from the account of a psychiatrist. It’s giving us different insights, not all positive, but important none-the-less. So far the woman is up to like 17-18 different parts which is hitting our numbers.

Our systems seem to work differently though in that she has quite a few men and her abuse was more severe including ritualistic. I always have fears of my grandmother’s church, but don’t remember much except being carried and standing on the pews backward watching the congregation. Ok, girls we’re not going there. Ok, so then what was the point here? Maybe that we’re just looking at multiplicity from different viewpoints and we haven’t done that for a long time – I think this other multiple is a lot more suicidal than we were or are. I think it’s also different in that she’s engaged in a relationship with her husband at the time who is an alcoholic and abusive. I don’t understand why the psychiatrist isn’t making a more active attempt to get her out of that situation so that her life could be more stable. I understand that there is always a financial problem, but it’s hard to think anything could be getting better if you can’t stop the abuse.

Something else that is different is that her psychiatrist uses hypnosis and with that he intends to help her integrate the parts. Pretty much the thought seems to be if they can work together, they will share memories and become one. I’m only about half way through so I don’t see all of what’s happened or will happen there, but it’s good for us to look at things through other viewpoints even if I don’t believe all that I read. Ok, then let’s get to work, hmm? We have our own story to tell.

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