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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Working through the day - stay tuned girl!

Good morning … this is me. We’re up to Tuesday so far. We left off on Sunday. We were being pretty excited because Julie was editing our work. We’re still excited … last time we heard she was about 110 or so pages into it. We’ve set up a goal to finish by the end of the weekend, but if she can’t make that deadline we’ll extend it. It’s important to get her expertise in on the project. I’m really confident with what we’ve seen already. I am not sure what kind of time she has this morning, but we sent her instructions on how to get the document back to Word doc or docx. That way I’ll be able to work through her corrections. She has been writing in red or blue. Red is for the correction itself and blue is for commenting to me in some regard.

I love when she’s working on things because there are comments sent back and forth from the Facebook notes. It’s like we are learning to synchronize our minds. It was funny yesterday I put a picture of Missy and Chief on our Facebook page. She must have been on at the time, because she sent back a message asking if this was Missy and Chief. She’s already gaining information on us that she’s identifying with. It made me happy, but it’s something to set back with too and note that it is different. We were already multiplying it by all the people we knew or didn’t know having so much information on our selves. It’s really quite a big deal and we’re thinking will be part of our conversation with Dr. M.

I’m very glad that Julie is reading it first … she’s been extremely positive and that’s most likely the kindest thing you can do for a nervous young author.

I was going up to CS for the weekend, but we decided against it. We’ve been sending back and forth emails and we’re not sure how things are at right now. Since I sent the last note, I would imagine she is madder than me, because I’ve gotten a chance to get my feelings and thoughts out, but now she is going to have to either acknowledge the letter or she will avoid or pretend that it’s not there. She said that Emily has said she was coming. I thought that was fine because someone would be with her. I think more than one or two is too much for her right now. So we’ll choose another weekend when there isn’t so much going on to go up and address issues. If she’s not up to me to be handling a note, she wouldn’t be able to yet handle me in person.

There was part too that I have to watch after myself. I’m much too frustrated to be in a situation where I’m stuck with not only my moods, but hers. I may be pressing my boundaries, but basically we’re pushing her to get out of bed as a routine and put her mind to better use. That’s the gist of it. I sent a note to the twins and Emily. It was very brief and just pointed out that CS and us have something to work through and I’d go up on a weekend where we could focus on just that.

Hmm, we just went through something like used to happen where we get knocked out. Not like a boxer, but that we can’t keep our eyes open or think past a couple of sentences. It is like falling asleep, but if it is it is while we are sitting straight up. I was trying to finish reading through the correspondence I had just talked about. Dr. Marvin and us already have a lot to talk about, but I will bring it in – in case there is time. I want to go over basically the structure of the conversation. Maybe this means I should be putting it in some kind of order that is faster to read, but I want him to sometimes here her so that he can come to his own educated opinions without my loop in it. I’m also subjecting my thoughts written to him in the back and forth notes between my sister and us so he can see how I’m handling the relationship. Maybe he can give me some better cues. I know I can be overwhelming and I don’t mean to do that to her, but I just get sooo ruffled and I think I’m going to explode with it.

It’s very difficult not being able to trust the conversation, because sometimes our realities are just that much different. She’s starting in my opinion to get paranoid. She thinks Mark is out to sabotage her schedule as a way of making sure she is home when he needs her. She claims that he is the dependent one and then brings up how she had discussed with his therapist the issue of his dependence. She is feeling put upon by him asking for small tasks to be accomplished and she complains about him waking her up to talk about his day at work. She is frustrated because she is doing housekeeping, laundry and taking care of animals and she thinks that is sufficient and she continues to blame him for making her go to the church though last time she said she went to put structure in her day. She was also paranoid that Mark and I had talked of her medical issues and that we assumed she wasn’t old enough to make her own decisions. Then she blamed me for being the one who was thinking she was always being sick rather than being someone just acting out being sick. And, she’s still saying that her fibromyalgia is due to the stress Mark and we are putting on her. She thinks that it is us not allowing her to sew and she said that Mark took her keys forcing her to stay home even though it has to be acknowledged that he needs his car to keep up his 85 hours of work a week.

Ok, we are off on another track. We were sending and did send out an email to Dr. Marvin. We sent him the 12 pages of correspondence, but also sent him the above long paragraph so he could get a quicker picture. I need reassurance as to whether or not I’m reading things right. Shoot, shoot. I forgot that I will be going to see Dr. Marvin on Friday this week. The letter just came back saying he was out of the office from yesterday afternoon through Thursday, and that he’ll be back Friday morning. I had forgotten he had said something about a switch in days. We didn’t realize it had been this week though, but it seems apparent. I’m pretty sure that the appointment time is being kept. I will have to allow that into my thoughts of being on staff appreciation day. It might mean going out with staff then coming home to rest and then going into Dr. Marvin’s from there. It shouldn’t be too bad. And, I have to remember that Rich won’t be in.

Yesterday, Rich found out from one of his fishy friends that someone had to cancel and they had a boat needing a backseater. Rich pretty much felt this was a calling from the Fishing Gods. He’d been so much up in the air about it. I think he needed to feel needed before he was going to have to spend that much extra time and money on the event. He did decide to go and he will be leaving tomorrow (Wednesday) through Sunday. We had talked about me going up north, but you’ve heard that all was a bearcat.

The other thing is that I’ve sent out and got a correspondence back from Helen. I need to be careful that I send out just once a day – usually in the morning. Helen writes back very quickly, but I’ve got other things that need to be done as well. Poor Rich tried sneaking in some time too. I took care of the small task he’d asked me from home, but then he wanted to come in and tell me a few things one being a joke. I was like AHEM! Busy! Helen does have interesting things on her mind. She’s a real thinker. I think she’s had some pretty harsh situations too, but seems to be on the better side of life. She said her husband proposed to her in front of 650 Bikers - Hehehe ok … that’s enough personality for the moment.

What’s next? Let’s see … we called Carolyn, but we don’t have too much to report. We left a phone message to her. Poor girl, I wonder how many authors’ hands she’s held through this process? I’m thinking that I might do some editing work. We’ve been listening to Harry Chapin. Rich said before leaving that he would meet us at home tonight and that we’d go out. He’s mentioned some kind of LaGrange Tavern – must be a bit of a sports bar. I think most places on the main strip of LaGrange are pretty yuppy. Mostly it means that things are safe.

There are certain things Rich does before his fishing trips. One of the things is to take me out to dinner … I tell him he doesn’t have to, but then I asked if it was buying off guilt for leaving me. He said yes, so we said ok. That’ll work.

Ok, then that is the deal. Better look for the flash drive. I haven’t heard anything from Julie today so we are thinking she’s run into a busy spell. I guess it is just really me and me. Oh Lordy, let’s not feel down here, k ladies? I’ve seen that mope face before – it us time to get you back into things. Hmm, one more thing … have we checked our horoscope lately. That seems to still be going on.

Hmm, it says we have a lot of friends and that we are having a lot of trouble appreciating how loved and respected we are. Well, I guess that’s a thought. It doesn’t seem like I really know or are cared for by anyone. But, in that I figure I should read on because it said something I remember from this morning about feeling sorry for you. Yup yup there it is … it says sometimes we get lost in worrying, in feeling sorry for ourselves, and in getting so caught up in what’s going wrong that we fail to see what’s going right. It says I have a sensitive soul, and that has a lot to do with our vulnerability to worry. It says that our friends are willing to show us how much we mean to them, and if there is something I need I should just ask.

We did ok, until the part of asking. We didn’t want to seem overly pitiful. I think this mostly goes to saying that we should be working on something and then our time would go faster with less worrisome stress.

That was a good idea, I called Natalie and left her a message to give me a call when she gets a chance. I don’t have anything to say, but maybe she can tell me about her sisters or something and that will help me feel more connected. Ok, now … the other Part? What are you going to say if people call you back? Wouldn’t it be better to let them know you are working? Ok, well that’s a good point.

Be right over here --

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