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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Should we meander just a couple moments?

Good morning. I thought I’d start a little note before we went to work. Seem like we’ve got a spare half hour. This morning we’re thinking that we FINALLY get to another Dr. Marvin day. We’re just so happy about that. I look so forward to the times we’re meeting. We corresponded a few times this week. Pretty much we just wanted to keep things updated as to the progress of his foreword for the book. There were a few maintenance things too like medicine, but mostly it was just our excitement toward the book. From what he says it was a busy week, so I’m not sure if he got time to do everything that he wanted including writing. But, we’ll see.

He’ll have something to present today, though we’re not sure if he’ll be finished. I want to give him as much time as he needs. I’m pretty sure that if he wants another weekend that would be fine, but I’m not sure if he’s working on it during his free time, or just during work time. It will be up to him to meet the standards he’s going to want to hold for him because it will be his name and reputation that he’s working for. It’s all on him. We’ll take whatever he considers the best he can offer.

Today’s horoscope seems like it’s going to be a pretty good day. It says, “A dream you have had for a very long time is in the process of coming true. You may not even be thinking about this fantasy now; it may be something you put on a shelf a long time ago. But whether it’s a current aspiration or a dream from your past, you should not question your good fortune when it arrives. It has been a long time coming, but you are definitely very deserving of what’s in store. Embrace it, be grateful for it, and don’t ruin the moment with self doubt or by questioning the good things that come your way.”

I seem to get these kinds of messages on days that something is happening on the book. I look so forward to the messages. It seems that we’ve been progressing toward this one direction for quite some time. It’s almost more than our senses will allow us taking in. There is so much anticipation. The fantasizing comes between the actual thoughts on what it means to publish to the reward we’re feeling in that someday we might have our dream house. It seems we are getting a lot of messages on not doubting the sincerity of what is to happen. I try to take that message in in that we continue to work toward making this set of dreams a reality.

Doesn’t make sense to think anything other than we are going to be successful.

Yesterday when we really needed it, we got similar messages of hope. The thoughts yesterday were more in the order of whether it is going to be a successful portion of the book that we did so much writing on our Master’s work. But, then the message we were getting was that it is all going to come out right at the right time. So we took that to mean that whatever we published or are working at is going to be right especially when it comes to fruition and as so many times … we just have to stop worrying.

We read something yesterday about the developmental stages of parenting and object relations. It will be important later to conceptualize all these thoughts again.

Right now we’re just skimming the work, but in one of the next edits, we’ll go back and think all that through more carefully. I will be interested in how it fits in with or develops that particular year. It will all come to some natural conclusion or foreword to the next book and we’re looking very forward to seeing how that all happens. I’m not sure why we thought the particular thoughts we were thinking except that it fit within the class structure and we were doing a lot of research at that time for things that were making sense to our interests. We would start to read and then we shaped, formed and focused on things that were most interesting to us.

The example would be in writing about the development of the mind around abuse or poor performance parenting. We seem to always be looking for clues as to what happened to us. This seems a constant from the first days in college back 33 years ago. It is amazing to me that basic interests follow you so far down the path. It is like the abuses were ingrained into our life and that we’d always be at a quest point of learning from them. What must my life had been like if we hadn’t gone through these sets of hardship. It’s pretty inconceivable to know, although without the abuses we wouldn’t be a multiple, so maybe the stretch of imagination to some other way of being … is just a simple parlor game. We are who we are due to the events of our past and it doesn’t seem to make much sense to just blow that off.

I figure that one day we’ll be in our 70’s and 80’s and such and we’ll look back and think the same kind of thoughts as we’re having today. Basically, we’ll wonder about how we came to develop and how appreciative we have been of our mind and the later contacts as to showing us a better way to have lived and dreamed past the first uncomfortable years. We say this tongue in cheek knowing it was so much more at the time. By then we’ll hope that we’ve reached some point in concluding that it was worthwhile and as many multiples hope that it will reach someone else and make some difference to their lives.

If you can include the lives of your kids and their kids then just so much better off because of it. I’m speaking to all that comes around and can be given as a gift toward that development of those that come after us. It’s funny in that every once in a while, I’m brought back into the focus of our cousin from the west. Helen is working so hard at the site that it’s just amazing. She is running into people from our families’ history and is doing her best to collect remnants of it … and somehow all that these people did to forward our lives as they did come into focus. To think that someday some 100 and 200 years from now someone might be going back to collect what they can find of our past … It’s just all pretty amazing. I hope when they get to our portion they will figure what a goldmine of information. Maybe they will know that something here was of importance to note down.

Now how many people in the background went through similar abuses? That would be hard to tell. I would like to think that it wasn’t a family phenomenon, but that kind of information will never be known, because we don’t have those kinds of records and if people were still alive to give that kind of information, chances are they wouldn’t. It was too sensitive and like my grandmother … she stated that nothing negative as to her memories of her mother. It was all good. I don’t even want to begin to question how then she married someone of the nature she did.

That’s not the direction I intended to lean here.

Point is … that every generation must have added something to the mix and we’d like to suggest that the acorn falls not far from the tree. Just to appreciate that there was a tree is pretty amazing. Ok, so we’ve lost the point. Maybe this is or isn’t it. I’m thinking that our imagination has ran into a stump in that it’s time to go to work and we haven’t much time to think through it proper - but, as to a place to leave it? It seems that my life has had some general purpose that seems bent on the same particular kinds of events – that of the abuses. If that is going to be my lifelong calling card, at this point, I have to hope that everything in the universe points to a place where we contribute fairly to its own natural conclusion. I think of Ame and I worry over her development and how lost she must feel between the events of her parents just in a divorce. I hope that one day she will connect to me and we can share the strength that I’ve found and that she will be able to lean on me as someone who cares for her dearly. She and her sibling and cousin are the life blood to the next generation. I hope it is all good.

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