Attention :)

Please also see Ann's Web Page called Multiplework

Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Updated! Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 100 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our email is and our Twitter account (@aynetal3), which lists approximately 300 Multiples. Keep looking for others - they are OUT there!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Ok, then are we all caught up to the weekend?

Good morning. I think it is at least. We had a bit of a tough spell last night after Rich got back. We were both stressed out. I had felt rejected most of the day and he was tired out. I think the worrying over his Mother was tough on both, but certainly on Rich. I thought we’d gotten over our anger, frustration, and all the other problematic emotions, but they were just hiding. I had heard him pull up so I’d made him the drink and I didn’t eat dinner until he got here and that was very good for him and us, but the conversation soon deteriorated and it was quick and sharp. It only lasted for about six to seven minutes from start to finish. He used what we considered Bob’s language in calling me a nag and then he repeated it as in “nag, nag, nag.” That was over the top for us. Rich had never said we did that before.

I keep saying something then erasing it … pretty much because we don’t know how to frame our next set of thoughts. In a guttural way it may have seemed like the expression is designated for. But, it was a cruel communication and Rich doesn’t usually do that. By that time we’d stopped talking and he had felt like he made his point, but was still hurt and angry too so he went off to do dishes. I had already washed the dishes and emptied the dishwasher, but I’d forgotten a pan in the sink. Normally, we don’t leave pans in the sink, but he found it. Nothing bad about that, but kind of confirms that when he’s upset he usually goes in the kitchen to find something to clean.

We waited for a bit … we were pretty hurt, angry and confused too. So after a few moments, we went to the bedroom and just laid down. It wasn’t more than a few moments, and then Rich came in and took off his shirt and then very determinately lay down next to us. We’re think parts switched because all the feelings that we had been having disappeared. Someone said to him … “I know what this is about … you are going to want a back rub.” He was like “no, no not me, don’t give me a back rub, don’t do it ...” but he was teasing and playful which made us laugh so we reached out to touch his back and he play acted as if he was in great pain. But, well you know … we hugged and cuddled and the night went on.

We did tell him that we didn’t like being called a nag. We knew our Rich enough to know that he was going to want us to take care of him, but we had been going through rejection by not being included at the hospital he hadn’t been helpful … but then we went through that enough already and we’re up to having certainly kissed and made up. Time to let it go … but, I would like to say at this point that it could have been expected. We were both feeling a lot of tension. He was telling me that there weren’t any problems or need for me to be there, but emotionally he’d been through the wringer and was saying that he needed me to take care of him. Later on we said that it was ok that instead of me taking care of others, that he had reserved me to taking care of him. It was my problem that I felt on the outside for not being allowed to help. I knew that Rich’s Mom and family would ask where I was and Rich’s explanation was that I stayed home to do other things. I did stay home and do other things, but it hadn’t been my first priority.

I don’t know we are going into it again and I have to stop it … get it under control … I think I was starting to express that there was a mountain of tension and we dumped on each other. But, then that made both of us feel terrible so we both got over it about as quick as it had come. There was some nice making up :) and stress is stress and better past it than not.

Somewhere in there Rich had gotten another call and then before we fell asleep yet another call. Both calls came from Karen who was taking care of her father in that she was passing on the message that the hospital had called and stated someone from the family should be there because Mom was acting up. I don’t think anyone in the family was surprised by this because she goes through alcohol and tobacco withdrawals, but I don’t think anyone expected it so quickly after an operation.

Apparently, she was pulling off plugs and wires and tubes and she thought she was at home. They were having a tough time with her, so Bud decided he would go back and the nurses set up a bed for him next to mom … I think things calmed down, but we don’t really have a report of how things happened through the night.

Rich tossed and turned whether he should go back which I was advocating because something was needed and I felt him the stronger, but he was too strongly into a hesitation so then we were like why don’t you call the hospital, but that didn’t go through easy because he thought he’d heard all there was from Karen. It took a bit, but we finally convinced him to call the hospital because Karen was under pressure too and we thought he should have a direct line. I think the nurses needed to dump a little, but they were much closer to the situation and were obviously pretty rational … it was just that her behavior was an upset.

We had prefaced our position on him calling by saying that you need to know what’s going on directly, and you need to know your options so you can make a decision.

He decided at that point that the best thing since Bud was going was to stay home and get some sleep in case he was needed to break the time for Bud during the graveyard stretch. We both fell asleep and then it was about ten to five this morning and Rich was reaching across the bed to give me his kiss because he was already showered, dressed and ready to go out the door. Got to admire him … he’s a good man. He has to start his first day on his new job today and I know he’s supposed to be there by 9 A.M., but he figured that he could do a couple hours with his Mom before he left. Karen too had to be doing her business this morning. The company she temped for had offered her to go full time, but she had a couple other job interviews this morning too, so she’d taken off the time to do it.

Sometime when we were having problems the night before Rich asked me to go with him tonight about 5 P.M. but we didn’t understand that at the time because it was sending confused messages. About not needing me and needing me. But, at this point we’ll have to just figure … whatever he asks for is what he really wants at least to the degree he can sort it out and we got to trust he’s doing that the best he can. I feel a certain amount of pride that he left the house in a good place, though I know he was worrying about his Mom … he had gotten a good night sleep. We had both fallen fast away by about 8:30 P.M. last night. I will be grateful to be going with them tonight. I really didn’t like being cut out of the direct loop, but then you’ve heard all about it by now. So, we’re figuring that we should jump in the shower ourselves, because Rich is definitely going to say that he wants me at work today in case we really need to take the time off later for something else. He’s right. No reason we shouldn’t be going to work today. In all reality … we’re pretty much rested and up for things, so hold on, BRB. Sorry kitty we are about to dislodge.

Ok, we’re back … sparkly clean! We took our medicine, packed our lunch, had our breakfast and because of all that … we have an hour before needing to get up again to go to work. Yay!!! Kitties got settled down to … they like nothing better than a good routine. Chief had gone in to get water when I showered, and then they both ran in front of me back to the living room when the other tasks were finished. So now Chief is again laying at the top of the couch cushion and Missy is laying down by our feet. They are pretty much essential kitties!

So then it would be on too with our new set of thoughts. Where should we go today … well, besides work? I’m thinking in the next hour and with our mind. It’s such a terrible thing to waste! Hehehe looking around the room – I guess neither Rich nor I finished too much of the drink. Both glasses have just an inch or two drank from them. Silly Rich :)

When Rich asked us what we’d done yesterday we said simply, “We wrote.” I think Rich needs this kind of statement in that he was in his mind doing something good for us by not taking us off our schedule. Not too much was expounded after that.

We did try to edit yesterday, but that didn’t work out so well. We’d gone back to the beginning and only gotten to page six to seven. We’ll probably have to start out over again.

The things that should be looked at today are 1) What happened to the scheduled meeting with Friesen Publishers on Friday and when is it going to be rescheduled, 2) Is there any word as to when the next proof will be ready for the first book, 2) Where are we at with completing the business plan, and where are we with the second edit to the second book. Pswhoo … that’s probably enough for one day – I’m not sure if we have any meetings, but we’ll have to check that out right away too.

We’re also thinking the Qnotes need some more work … and certainly we need to do something more with goals for the clients. Lots to do to keep us busy.

I’m thinking here for a second that we didn’t write down anything about our Dr. M. meeting this week. Does anyone remember what happened there? Shoot that’s a stumper. This was the first meeting in a while that we weren’t discussing Dr. Marvin’s introduction. I think we brought something though in an envelope. Most likely it was an update which included something like the business plan, gas mileage, journal, etc. So we must have talked about that

Hmm, checked the horoscope – I think it was talking about this weekend. It says, “You are at your best in the home environment. You love primping up your home sweet home, and caring for those you love. You are due for a weekend filled with the things that mean the most to you. Don’t let work or stress or obligations to those who aren’t important to you take precedence over doing something for yourself today and tomorrow. Not only do you really need some time to rejuvenate, you will have more to give if you can be just a bit selfish this weekend.”

The timing is off, but I think it pretty much explains our weekend. Rich was probably right in seeing that I got time at home yesterday to be catching up with our writing. We did try to keep the place up and we had the intent of supporting Rich. It was a good meaningful weekend and it did involve stress and obligations including getting out to the book stores, writing and updating our next run on the book stores. Those are things that really mean something for us. I’m a little disappointed that we can’t get more thoughts from our Dr. Marvin meeting. But, perhaps that will come back to us. We need to make a mental note that we should write about him right away after the next meeting so we can bring it to recall more easily. It was a bit of an indulgence to be at home yesterday and in the end … we seemed to rejuvenate quite well after our first negative encounter. I think both Rich and us know that it was a stressful weekend and that there is a lot of taking care of each other in one way or another. I’m grateful the blowup didn’t last long and I KNOW we snuggled him to pieces all night long.

So there we are again … I’m thinking that we’re caught up again. So, let’s see. We’ve talked of the past the future, hmm? How about now the present? Did we cover that?

Oh Lordy girl do you like to talk! Yes, yes and yes … everything is covered. We’re all caught up, BUT with a half hour to go yet before I need to close shop.

So, what should we do or write about during this next half hour?

Seems like everything is in order and we’re avoiding the temptation to call Rich to check things out. We’re thinking he’s going to be in the room with his Mom and Bud and we don’t want to wake anyone up with the ringing of the phone.

Hmm, maybe if I just post a few notes over ----------:) here YAY FACEBOOK!

No comments:

Post a Comment