Good morning. This is me. We were signed on to the Internet, but it seems it bogged down some how and now we’re waiting for it to go up … not sure. I turned off and on the computer and we’re getting an excellent reading from the wireless EVO connection. I guess I could think of the Internet as being a distraction for the moment and I can always get my writing back on line by using the flash drive to the big computer. I’m not sure what’s happening, but I don’t think I like it. We are settled for now though. We just got our coffee, we’ve got one kitty at our feet and our feet are up! We are going to take advantage for the moment that Rich is sleeping – It’s 4:45 A.M., but we’re pretty sure he’s going to say something later, because we get up too early, at least that is what HE says.
Ok, well that didn’t work out. It’s now 9:30 A.M. Rich is gone and it is a pretty good guess that someone had an extended sleep this morning. I guess I know how it happens, but it seems to be sort of a mental challenge to go in and wake him up.
We start all snuggly and massage-like, but then it seems we get so comfortable we fall asleep and don’t even get up to know that he got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed and left … well except the kiss part. How does that sort of thing happen? Well, obviously I know about the kiss part happening, but you know the other parts?
Hmm, now we have to give notice that it is about 10:15 A.M. and we’ve gotten almost nowhere. Yeeks! We’ve been having trouble getting the Internet on our netbook, so we’ve been messing with that. And then TJ Holmes has been on so with that we FINALLY had to turn off the volume because we do like listening to him and we like catching up with the newer news stories he’s into. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help our writing get accomplished. We had also run out of coffee, needed to use the washroom and hadn’t taken our medicine yet. Big Yeeks on the latter – so we figure we are all good to go now. We also checked the email on the big computer.
Oh oh … that was a little scary. I looked up and realized that our front door was open about five inches. Wow! That doesn’t happen often. Everything was fairly normal and I know that Rich has been leaving out the front where his car is parked. Most likely it didn’t catch and it did give us a chance to turn on the music – music of hope, but still a bit threatening. I called for both of the kitties and fortunately they were both here. Man that could have been a major problem … Rich will scold himself enough though so we’ll tell him, but won’t make a big deal of it. OK crises averted!
I don’t think we have written since Thursday and it is Saturday morning now. It seems like a lot has happened but as always a bit to be putting back together.
We’ve been doing regular work stuff – had two meetings on Friday at work, and then had meetings with Marie on Friday and then a longer meeting with Carolyn on Thursday and a shorter one on Friday. I was supposed to talk to my sister, but we forgot … We wrote an apology this morning when we responded to the note that goes back and forth with the three of us. Hopefully we’ll set up another time soon. We also saw Dr. Marvin in there on Thursday. If we can remember just half of what all went on with all these meetings, we would be in good shape. Let’s see where to start?
The Administration meeting went ok, but then there was a little funny part where it was asked about where we had left off with the information we’d collected for the strategy plan. It was discussed in a few moments out loud between sister and us, but basically, we made it known that her disgruntled opinion of leaving off parts of the survey she didn’t like had slowed our efforts down. She emphasized her point again in that she knew this particular response was said in somewhat of a defeating manner. My thought had been that it would then be eliminated further down the process, but we couldn’t be selective in not including it – filtering it out at the beginning ... through censoring. I didn’t elaborate my point, though I listened to Sr.’s point again … we just don’t agree, but she had figured out then that we’d put off the project because of this one small thing and she said to basically continue the project that it had merit. We were appreciative that she thought it was worthwhile to go on. I will start working with it over the next few weeks. I’m actually glad that it has this much resolution behind it. I’m curious what will happen with it, given the time.
We had come to the conclusion that we had the Thinking group this week; we didn’t think we actually had it, but we had something planned anyway so we decided to run with it. I think what happened is that we had the Friday’s, but we had the staff meeting Sr. runs on a Thursday. Basically, what we had was the movie, “Up.” That turned out to be a great idea … the group loved it. We got to the part where they were having dinner with “the bad guy” and were being served by the dogs and they were figuring out he really was a bad guy because he was after the skeleton of their friend Kevin who is some kind of almost extinct large bird. That was then like some bad exploring. I told the group that we would finish the movie the next time we met. I will pick it up from there.
The doctor Marvin meeting seemed to go well, but there was the hard part too where after a month of avoiding we had to talk about my sister and the retreat. The long story short here is that we are going on the retreat, but we are going to change our reference point. Dr. Marvin suggested in some form or another that we treat the situation as if CS was someone we knew, but without all the expectations that come with having to “take care of a family member.”
There seems to be a lot of resentment of us that we are being manipulated and made to feel guilt. I don’t know if CS knows conscientiously that she is doing this, but it comes off that way nonetheless. I don’t remember the example, but there was something she implied and then it was like she waited for us to volunteer because she had inadvertently without asking directly that she wanted us to be doing something. Maybe it had something to do with carrying her things and that she would bring too much. Dr. Marvin said things like her bringing the extra stuff was that she was trying to “take care” in some forms, so that she might expect we take care in others. I didn’t like that we’d have to be doing things we hadn’t wanted to do, but were feeling pressured to do.
Again, Dr. Marvin suggested that we treat the situation as if she was just someone we knew without all the heavy family inlays. We had told him that if she wasn’t a family member most likely we wouldn’t be hanging around her. This seems like a mean thing to say, but all along you know we’ve had troubles with her sense of helplessness. She is doing something good in that she’s starting to go to a dog park and that seems like a good idea in getting out, but well not much more to say here, but that we’re trying to be ok with things. Just need to keep on the periphery. I know she is saying things she knows now that we would like to hear, but it still feels like a manipulation.
Carolyn and us have something going here in that … we she says that we can … hmm, what was it she said something about psychology and mentally controlling her to do stuff. Basically, we wanted to jump the agenda and she wanted to wait until we got this last editing through. I can’t remember how she put it, but I think what is happening is that she sees that we see what she’s doing and we see what she’s doing. Maybe it has something to do with us both coming from a psychology background. We’re interested in mental structures and we each have our ways of getting things accomplished. I think more than anything else … Carolyn and us meet on an intellectual level. And we’re both reading into the situation and keeping pretty fluid as to what is going on and what has to be done. I think Carolyn must normally lead the situation more and that our relationship is that we’re going into things more on the same level. It’s a very nice thing to be so close in this manner, but might be a little unnerving to Carolyn who is used to more control.
Poor Carolyn … dear we just love you!
We had a nice long conversation with Marie and things seemed there to work out much better than in the past couple of meetings. I think she felt more conscientious in having a meeting with both a new author and Carolyn at the same time. She’d tried to be very professional and I have no reason to believe really that she isn’t professional it’s just that we’d gotten off on a wrong track because of the missed meetings and having gone a couple weeks with her on board, but not having met to discuss things.
One of the things she presented and it seemed with a little less power, but that there has been hired a new person, Amanda, who will be sharing the author load with her. Apparently, they will be meeting at the beginning of this new week to be splitting up their caseload a bit. I don’t think Marie really knew how it was going to go. She seems to have a very big load of authors, and I think she looks forward to splitting the work load, but it’s still unsettling to be in the middle of the process. She talked about her and Amanda both having specialties and that it would be then partly due to that as to how the load gets split.
I felt in some ways that I really did like Marie and her intelligence in handling the marketing and that I wanted to stay with her. So part of the meeting was like selling ourselves to her. When they get to splitting things up I want to be on the list that stays with her. I am sure we’d adapt to the other marketer too, but I like that Marie and Carolyn have worked together over time and that Marie has the advantage of knowing company systems from the inside out … where Amanda will be learning her parameters.
I loved to pieces that by the end of the meeting which lasted almost an hour that Marie and I were laughing and giggling like we are used to doing with Carolyn. I felt the business aspects had gone very well and that we were on the same track.
There was a little bit of teaching her about us as a person, a client and as a multiple. We felt better at some point in self and other recognition that we’d actually had some experience in doing the kinds of promotional work that might be expected of us. We told her about our job in running meetings for clients, staff and families. Basically, we had the knowledge of what it means to be responsible for others and our presentation to them. We also talked about our business modes where for example we’d started our own business plan from the accountants clue-in to the small business administration through the government web site. I think these kinds of things surprise her in a good way. We talked about doing accreditation work and understanding that all the elements that she was going to teach me would find receptivity to our ways of thinking.
Toward the end of our meeting … I don’t remember why we were laughing, but we were both laughing and then she made it known that Carolyn had come in. Carolyn had been with her Grandfather who’d come into her are medicinal purposes. I just remember the warmth in finishing up with Marie and then being turned over for a few minutes with Marie. It seemed we’d met the comfort level that was most likely an underlying desire.
We had had a good discussion with Marie as to the business portions too. I felt that I was being given underlying thoughts as to how marketing worked … things that were developed into the system and then would add up to bigger things such as sales. Most of the work seemed to be around sales. She had been talking of creating a receptive environment through many means so that when people came across the book in the bookstore there would be reasons set up in their mind to be purchasing the book. Those things were like through reviews and book signings and other things that would get our name out there.
Something she said stuck too in that she’d talked in a declarative manner that we were now an expert. Not that we were getting to be one, but that somehow in being at this juncture we are already an expert. I will have to further define which areas my expertise falls into, but I’m aware that there is a lot to learn. I know that sometime last night after the meeting it occurred to us again that we needed more time in developing ourselves around being a speaker. We found the Association of Speakers but we also thought that was a money sieve. YEEKS! High prices for pieces of knowledge we knew we could find elsewhere. It would have been nice to plug in somewhere, but there’s a lot more preliminary stuff before we ever needed to get to that point.
We found our way back to Amazon and then after getting there we fell into Dale Carnegie as a stand up resource in public speaking. I know that his material is older though some newer stuff is out there put together by his wife. Mostly though he does speaking that is my guess pretty basic stuff. I read a little of his material and then I downloaded one book on not worrying so much which is a standard claim on our horoscope. Well, ok … horoscope and Dr. M. And, then we ordered five more books on mostly public speaking, but as well influencing friends and whatever. There’s got to be some reason he’s remained so popular over the years.
I’m looking forward to spending some time with it.
That reminds me too that we have to get up and around in that we need to pick up some books from the library. We might try also to stop over at the UPS store. I don’t know when Rich went there last, but I noticed that he left keys on the counter for the door and the box. WooHOO!! I’m looking forward to picking up my first mail. Not sure if anything will be in there … very few places we registered the new address, but we did for the government portions. We are going to return the book on borderline personality … there is just not enough time to get into it.
The other book is on multiples directly – maybe the Herschel Walker book? Not sure, but then this morning we also got the first DVD on the TV show on US States of Tera. I don’t really believe that Rich is going to want to watch it with me, but I figured that it was part of my research to know what the world is listening to on Multiplicity. Good girl!
I’m sure there will be more that seeps to the front as to the talk with Marie, but I’m thinking for the moment the conversation with Carolyn. We are going to have to catch up with our spreadsheet journal as to what’s happening there, but there were a couple things that we put through yesterday. The first was the idea that we might want to do a special sheet toward the front giving names, births current ages and a couple words description of the parts. Then there was another sheet that went out to Carolyn in that we’d put together our first draft of it. We told her afterward, we’d go over it again and then hand it in with the other edits. That didn’t seem to be a problem to her. She said we could put it somewhere forward like the table of contents. She said that it would be probably two pages … I’m thinking now that we’re going to put on the first page the parts including Casie's and then on the second page the parts that come after. We have to divide it in two anyway, might as well set the separateness we had done with the back book cover.
I’m not sure where we left off on the back jacket page, but I’m thinking we’re not going to do anything there, though we might have on it some smaller list of maybe just the parts and their age ranges. I know that the same couldn’t be done with soft cover, so if we had to lose that idea it wouldn’t be major. I’m just thinking that it will be a good reference point for people reading the book. It should give them some insight as they are reading and also as to the way we have thought through in breaking down our system. Every multiple does it their own way and it’s often different and especially should be noted that it happens at such a young age that it’s really a lot more than thought put into it at a consciousness level.
I felt a little exploratory yesterday in trying to pick up other speakers who talk about multiplicity. I didn’t get too far here, but I was shown a couple resources. Not spectacular ones though. Like the multiples at Live Journal seems to have dissipated into some very old entries. Maybe I’m not looking at the right sites. There was something to put out by Sidran or Asarian - maybe … I’ll have to check these names when I get back on line, they were places I’d been familiar with through older searches of multiple communities. It had more to do with abused people in general. I will have to do more web research as we go and we’ll need to continue reading about other multiples through books and online presence like with the blogs put together by Sarah E. Miller. This will all have to be done as we go along because there is so much time needed for other things more direct.
Going back to Carolyn and Marie … there were two separate communications and one email that had gone to Carolyn. Basically something wonderful happened yesterday.
It came up in the administration meeting. Sister saved it for the end and the logistics were discussed. Basically, we are going to get – and by we I mean all the staff are going to get a check for 3% of their current salary (with taxes taken out) as a bonus check and it should be here by this next payroll on the 15th … that means in about nine days.
Obviously, with our mindset now where it is and where funds are going … we are going to need setting that money up toward book expenses. Basically what we told the Friesen girls was that we would now be able to buy the book insurance that would hopefully get us in the door with bookstores. Marie was the one who talked about filters and this would eliminate one filter where bookstores too more often books they could return compared to books they’d be stuck with if they didn’t sell. We’ve talked about this off and on … I think the cost is about $675. Marie gave a lot more information as to the necessity of this where Carolyn was able to say ok … good … this will work! I had asked Marie for more information in that I was already making an investment but wanted more information to back up that it was going to be a good decision. The other option would be to save the money toward ordering a second hundred books when the second book came out. Marie seemed very intelligent and seemed to speak to parts that were more adept at those kinds of thoughts. I knew even when it was happening that it was going past my head, but for sure Kate was eating it up. In the note we wrote out to Carolyn, we broke the costs down as to what to pay for at what time, and she thought that was good, but that we’d pay the insurance first before the first hundred books. That would mean that we would get the 25 books pretty close to right away, but that the hundred would be ordered around December 15th check.
There is some hope at this point that we have enough business deductions so that we can get more than $7-800 back from taxes, because unless we sell the hundred books we really have no money coming in to order the second set. We’re a trying though.
I told the ladies I didn’t really know if it would be easy or hard to sell books, but we would be willing to do whatever it took to get through the task. I think that it is going to take a positive attitude in that as a business function … just like Rich making the weekly cold calls it’s just something that needs to be done in building a repertoire of media presentations. Marie really emphasized the part of being able to sell bookstores because of the marketing plan we’d put in affect like the above radio shows or reviews in that they wanted to hear you were driving business to their shelves and the books wouldn’t just sit there. We were pretty sure we’d do anything we had to do.
Rich just called … whoops the roast, BRB.
There we did our good Ann for the day … Probably should do a few more too and pick up around here and check to see if we should run the dishwasher and we should fold the couple of baskets Rich put out. Maybe we would make that a goal by 2 P.M. and then after that get in the shower and dressed to go to the library. Rich had a package of roast and pre-cut vegetables and seasoning … we were in such a competent mode that it seemed easier than apple pie to put it all in. Hmm, that reminds me too that we were supposed to have apple pie last night. Rich had said something about us preparing the apples, but somewhere that got forgotten. I think if memory serves right we’d lost an hour to listening to Rich’s TV, so then left the room for our bedroom with our reading, but then he came in and said something about making popcorn. Well you can imagine we were up pretty lickety-split.
So what else do we remember? We remember the popcorn, and somehow we got into bed, but I don’t remember that part. I don’t know how late we stayed up or what the circumstances were. I remember Rich saying not that arm, but the other in reference to helping me off the couch with my left arm rather than the right sore one, but that’s all we remember. Somewhere in there we must have taken our medicine. I think we woke up early and then fell asleep and then got up and now it’s about 12:15 P.M. Maybe we said that part before? We’re a little cloudy now.
I’m at that point we are conscious about the time, but not wanting to stop the writing quite yet. It’s not very much we wrote about, hmm? I know we have to get to the editing; just we’re not ready yet ok? Soon though promise?
Hmm, we didn’t say anything about the long conversation to Rich’s Mom’s on Thursday. That was a bit of an upset before that, but Rich couldn’t get us down.
We were on our way home from Dr. M.’s and we’d called Rich and he said he had eaten out with Bob. We were like WHAT? He had told us before he’d canceled Bob’s invitation to eat out with us because of lack of time, but then he’d gone out. So he was going to give us leftovers, but by this time we’d done 4 days of leftovers and weren’t so happy with all that. So we told him we were going to stop for a sandwich and then we got some comfort food in the mushrooms we love.
Rich was frustrated with us and us him, but then after we both got out our points of view it was like ok, we can’t convince the other of our view point, so let’s get on with it. I was in too good of a mood to lose concentration at that point. We told Rich he was just crabby and we weren’t going to let him spill any of it on us. YAY Ann’s! He had been kind of quiet after that, so we weren’t sure how it was going to go, but then CAROLYN CALLED!!! YAY!
It was a nice long conversation. I’m not sure if I remember it all. I think there was some talk as to when to get books and how many to get. We were both thinking we wanted books soon, but didn’t want to lose out on the 20% discount on getting 100. I know it is part of her job to get us to buy stuff, but I still think they are doing that as in conveying we need to make some investments. We had also gotten further into the conversation on money that she’d been trying to avoid Hehehe … this is where she claims us to be so sneaky! She’s trying not to have a money conversation until after we get done with the editing. But, it’s a pretty hot subject right now.
Carolyn said do you know that your book is going to be about 440 pages? It is?
Wow! We probably should have figured that much, but we hadn’t … we forget to note that when we got the proofs the number of pages is for double pages not single.
Wow. That’s pretty cool! I don’t remember the number now, but she was saying something like $32 and $36 for first the soft and then the hard cover. Wow! I didn’t see that coming. I was like looking at $26, but yes about that #36 for hard cover. I didn’t realize that the prices would be so similar – only $4 some difference.
She also gave me a link to another author. I think this other lady is one of her best and favorite authors. I think it’s a lady that does something spiritual in California. She seems like a nice lady. And, I think like me she is interested in the business. I’m guessing that a lot of people that comes to Friesen are mostly interested in just getting copies printed and are not so interested in the marketing part. But, we’re like half way into just getting published and the other STRONGER half interested in getting people to buy and enjoy the books. I think there is that part of almost all human beings in wanting to help others. I’d still like to think that someone could benefit from reading what we write.
They’d probably think hey that woman sure does think a lot about stuff that goes nowhere very fast! HUH! Nooooo we’re gliding along here. When I get done with writing I will go over to the other computer to work on editing, but because we will be available to our email we’ll check over the progress we’ve made during this last week in getting things accomplished. Seems like stuff got done, it just takes a bit to review. I think our parts split up the tasks so like now sitting here I can’t recall what happened, but we know that markers have been left, especially through emails.
Hmm, do I remember anything else from Carolyn’s conversation right now? It seems like there was this whole big thing, I’m not recalling. I just remember the thought of discussing something and thinking how much business really happened when we connect. She seems to understand that stuff like this happens and time has to be allowed for it. Shoot, shoot … so much is going on that we aren’t recalling … though like explained before is going through our mental processes. I want to go over stuff again and again to feel the excitement in it. There is something very cool in making business decisions. I think we talked about that with Marie - something about the feeling of doing a business.
It must have been about the time we were hiring an accountant and that spot on his website leading to the small business practices. I don’t think we got very far with that yet, but we’re on our way. Reminds me we should collect gas mileage on our way to the library for as small as that effort is.
Maybe we are out of memory and should plug into what the new stuff is that we get to go through. I think we have to be doing a better job of looking forward to the editing. It is something when we can read a portion through without having to make the stops in our train of thinking. It was something in the Dale Carnegie stuff we read last night in that it was important to keep putting things back in your mind to better understand them. That goes the same with reading our own stuff. Even though we wrote it, it was a while ago and we aren’t able to hold the entire part of it in our mind.
I think we were trying to figure out from whose perspective we should be reading it this time. Basically, who is so novel to the effort that it would be a new view for us? Hehehe … man Anderson Cooper? Wow! That is sweet! I’m pretty sure he’s too busy to do it though … we’ll have to see how it feels when we pick it up again. Ok, think carefully. Let’s make it a goal to finish in the next twenty minutes. Maybe then we should catch up our charts … and then take the cleaning/household breaks so that by 2 P.M. we’re ready to edit.
Rich is supposed to be coming home, I think about 3:30- 4:30 P.M. Sometime around there. He said that he’s going to go fishing tomorrow morning with Bob, and then see his mother and then go to his sports meeting. That’s really going to take up all day. Maybe that’s why it was so important that he suggested we have a date night tonight. Well you can imagine where that might go in my mind. I have very specific objectives … and no I DON’T want to go out!
Ok, enough said there.
I wonder if we are doing other little business things that are going to sneak in. I am looking forward to reviewing the week. It seems so many special memories just waiting to be reviewed. Hmm, maybe one thing … did we get a chance to say something about the caramel apples? Did you know that I brought a couple boxes to Joe … well actually to the Dojo at Sensei Steve’s? AND, because Maury turned out not to want the box we had reserved for him, we took it over to our new neighbor’s and introduced ourselves. It was soooo nice!
I liked her from the start. She’s a worker doing similar kinds of stuff as we are and she has her own kids and she’s raised a lot of foster kids. She’s been married six years and moved from Forest Park. She came up in our Dr. M.’s meeting. It was sort of like this is the kind of person we would like to get to know more than what were feeling toward CS. It’s nothing against CS, it’s just that we wanted to have a talking back and forth kind of experience with someone. CS is now more attuned to our talking points, but usually she overreaches and it seems artificial. She’s not someone I would call to talk most stuff over with. Maybe I’ve been on my own so long that this is true of almost anyone we could know. I don’t know what Rich thought of the conversation held with Carolyn in the car driving out to his mother’s, but it was pretty representative of how I love to talk to others. It’s really a nice exchange back and forth.
I should say something too about Rich’s Mom. She was moved by ambulance over to the new nursing home. I think it’s called Tiller’s and for regular use it would be too expensive for her, but for the time being under Medicare, it seemed wonderful.
She’s still in a room with another lady, but the other lady seemed nice enough.
Mom seemed to be the dominant one between the two so I felt a little bad for her there, but in general we were hoping that it would work out. It’s a much nicer and bigger place, and it didn’t smell like urine. The nursing staff was back and forth in the room still working through check in procedures so that part was pretty cool. They were enamored with how nice Mom seemed.
I teased her that that wouldn’t last. I didn’t want to be mean, but I wanted Mom to know that we knew she would have her hard times and is very hard on staff and family members trying to care for her. By this I mean especially Bud and Rich. We are guessing that they will probably dismiss her fairly soon because of her demands, especially for things she wants and can’t have like smokes and alcohol. I think she’s also pressing the button on medicine. Like the nurse would ask her if she was in pain and she said no, but then she wanted Darvon. Not sure on the spelling there, but it was a pain medication. We’re pretty sure they were catching on to that like the hospital that Mom over extends her addictions into the prescription medicine. Mom still likes to call the shots and she asks for the medicine as if she’s ordering a drink at the restaurant.
I don’t think I’ve been with Rich enough to talk over this point, but it’s nothing that he probably doesn’t know already, just he won’t have had the exact experience with it that we saw. He’s pretty worried about keeping her happy and making sure that no one mistreats Mom because she is going to be acting up. I guess yesterday she did some of that, but we weren’t really too present to hear Rich explain.
We’ll ask again how it’s going with her when we have our date night tonight. I think I stated before he was planning on being home tonight and see his Mom tomorrow. I think this is the first day that he’s missed seeing her. I don’t know if she understands how much an extra burden this is to Rich. He is not complaining directly because he wants the best for his Mom, but it is very tiring to him to be out so late and doing so much extra driving each night, especially just starting his new job. I think she expects him to visit instead of it being a treat. It’s a whole cycle thing with people who abuse substances.
Rich’s Brother Mark stopped in too and we spotted him on the way out on Thursday.
He seemed to be in a bit of a rush, but I’m sure he felt some kinds of anxiety with the situation too. Also it would seem he needed a smoke. He’s been dealing with some of his own health issues and his job pressures. I think he saw one of his girls when he was in so that would have been nice. I think he and his mother get riled up with things sometimes, but then Mom and Rich get riled up too. With Rich it’s mostly because he knows the rules and she will press him to break them for her advantage. I love Mom to pieces, really love her, but I think we’re both aware of some of the game playing that goes on. Again we’re always weary of the manipulating.
I can’t say we’re much better with it … there is probably things that go on between Rich and me. I’m thinking like when he’s up I’ll do things like hold up my coffee or ask him for a bottle of water. I am also are that he does much into the lion’s share of work as to household. That seems a bit manipulative of me … so with that. I think I’m going to close up here. It’s just a few minutes after 1 P.M. and I had set aside that time to be getting other things done. I would like the place to be neat and organized when my hard working bunny friend comes home. Good? Good!
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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog
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