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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Monday, December 13, 2010

If we think it ... it will come

Good morning. It’s just me. We’re having a very slow getting things organized morning. We had to stop and do some uploading of programs. We had almost been out of the free MS Office Student edition of CS program on this computer. She sent with the program to be installed, but we had been putting it off. We also did some messing around with the network connection … the Internet had gotten slow and boggy. Yeeks that’s not a good way to start the morning – I think it has something to do with our “Garvey” connection, so we switched over to the connection from the EVO. That seems to have solved the problem, but all in all adding to a slow start of the morning.

It’s already 8 am. Rich woke up about an hour ago to use the washroom and take his medicine. I snuggled him a few moments, because he went back to bed, but then he said something about getting up in an hour and I thought … no way can we do an hour of massages first thing in the morning when there was writing to be accomplished. I think he understood though parts of his body gave a loud crumbly *sigh*. He will get over it. But, I felt a little bad for leaving him anyway because he is so warm and tender!

He’s a snuggle-bunny.

So, where do we really start here? I think we last left off and we were going to be doing something, but I’m not sure what. Rich got home about 7:30 pm and I think we ate dinner with him and then watched the Closer and maybe something else. I don’t remember … He had to wake me up to put me to sleep. Someone may have been doing a little snoring on the couch. It just be that way, you know? Oh, and I remember somewhere in there – it was a making of the pie! Rich convinced me to peel a couple of apples so we could be treated so nicely. He used something more sugar-free though and I’m not sure I liked all of that … it left an aftertaste. Just a different feeling at the roof of my mouth, but it wasn’t a big deal … just something to worry about as to not getting FULLY sweeted-up.

I think it had started to snow last night and it’s really coming down now … it looks all white out there. It’s very beautiful, especially because it is so nice and warm in the apartment. This is the quiet time before Rich wakes up and the TV goes on. I do cherish these quiet mornings.

We left a note for Linda … she had gone out to her husband’s Christmas party and it was reported to be a good time. I’m so happy she had some fun. She showed us a picture of her and Tony all dressed up and they are such a handsome couple! Proud that she’s my friend.

Did we mention the snow?

I think it is putting us in a mellow mood. We did order our medicine and I’m thinking about now we need to heat up our coffee. BRB.

There there. And we turned on the Christmas tree too. Rich got another one like last year. It is a small artificial one that has stuff on the tip of the branches and some kind of light box so it turns blue, yellow green and red. It is very nice, and economical.

We don’t seem to be getting very far very fast. Maybe we could remember something more of yesterday? I think we did some stuff on our new checklist … maybe if I look there. AHA! We finished writing our entry to the blog, we organized the checklist, we completed our business journal updates, we finished reading our library book on Herschel Walker, we talked to Maury about his plans, AND we kept up-to-date with Linda. I think that’s most of what we did, though there was one more thing I guess, we were updating to our news to the Paper Tiger. That was a good deal, though we are far from finished.

As to the Herschel book … I’m glad I read it. It was a good story of the things that had happened in his life, particularly his drive to be competitively successful. He talked about different parts of his personality and their communication with him, but he didn’t really put a lot into “being” with the parts. He talked of them almost as just an explanation of something he’d done. I can’t say we do much differently, but it was noticeable in that he too was for the most part speaking from a “centralized” part who was the narrator of his story. I liked him as a person and I liked the part where he’d tried so hard to be successful. I think he gave a lot of credit to having come from an athletic competitive family, from having such good regimentation and from dissociating from the more negative aspects of his life.

I felt bad for him as to not having earlier people that he could be talking to about his experiences. I think he was disappointed in how his marriage turned out through divorce, and that he really hadn’t ever seemed to open up to his wife about the things going on. It was as if he was relating to her only as to aspects of himself that weren’t him completely. Basically, he had parts to deal with being married and in the end when he was no longer his wife’s center of attention, he felt betrayed and sought out someone else whom he seemed more apt to talk about the deeper issues occurring in his brain. It seems too that he got quite a bit out of a relationship with a therapist after he’d really gotten out of sports. We can’t say enough about how important therapy is … and about how important relaying your story … like we are doing now or through a book is to the development and appreciation of one’s experiences.

I think Herschel’s book like many other multiples stories relate to the prior part of doing much work with therapy. You get an idea of having figured it all out BY the time you’ve gotten to tell your story, and then it’s like enlightenment, so there isn’t much else to say. This again is where our story differs in that it wasn’t a summary of our experience, but the day to day trials and tribulations of being who we are. It’s a lot different in that there isn’t a sense of a happy ending … it just continues like a melodrama that goes on to the next and next episode. I hope that it is worth the read, but in general it is the involvement on a day to day basis as in each day is important not just the summary of one’s life. It would be unique especially with the relative ease of publishing now days to see more people put their ongoing life story to print. Maybe there is something different with us as to the amount of information we feel comfortable in sharing. We’ve talked about this before, especially in the part where we related so much of ourselves in therapy that writing and telling seems more like an extension of that.

Hmm, speaking of the hour to hour … I heard Rich stretch, but he seems to have fallen back to sleep. It’s an hour and a half since we last talked about him … it’s now 8:30 am. He is sleeping in because he’d planned to be up an hour ago, but WE won’t be the ones to wake him. It’s like a philosophy of raising kids, if they are sleeping let them sleep UNLESS it interferes with school or work. Hmm, though as I say that I think of those warm fuzzy feelings I get from curling up next to him. Maybe we’ll go check him out for a moment while he’s still groggy!

Hmm, we seem to be moving along the morning. BUT, now that Rich is up … we gotta do Sunday morning.

Ok … we did that for a half hour, but we were going buggy. We don’t have all our medicine and we’re being a little discombobulated. So finally, I just left the room. There’s still an hour left of the show and I just get really hyper as hell thinking that I’m going to have my mind managed by something I don’t control. It’s just that we focus on it and then we can’t do what we are thinking we want to be doing. Leaving the room is a good solution. It also gets us back to the sewing room. Maybe we can encourage something to happen back her. Maybe? Maybe need to unpack some things, and then I’m thinking I might have to do some of the trimming and sewing somewhere else because the table space isn’t so big here. Not sure. We’ll have to see.

It’s going to take me some time to settle down again. It’s frustrating that it’s already after 10 am and I’m only on the start of the third page.

Hehehe … just stopped to say hi to a few Facebook friends. They are such a high in our life. God Bless’m!

WooHOO!!! Rich just went by … we’re going to have pizza for lunch! Maury may or may not be stopping by. We ran at kind of a cross roads yesterday. If he’s working around the area he might stop in, but he canceled out on the event where I might get to see the grandchildren. Now it’s been moved to a Christmas event … maybe the Wednesday after Christmas and before New Year’s. But, I have no guarantee it won’t happen the same way. I’m not going to write it out here, but we’re VERY terribly depressed with all that. Chances are we’ll go out, so that means it’s been over a year since we’ve seen the grandchildren at our house. I think there were two events where something else was going on and they happened to be there, but that was it. One was for Joe’s wedding and we don’t remember the other just think something happened.

Just not going there, we are in otherwise a pretty good mood. We’re starting to slow down some though we haven’t got ourselves pulled together yet. I should probably take a look at the schedule to see where we are at … think pretty much it’s just the writing and then being able to slip over to something else. Isn’t that the way it always is?

Ok, we did a good Ann, we took our shower. That makes us feel better and by now the medicine is starting to work. We found an extra day’s dosage in a bottle that had been sitting in a cubby on the drafting table. That seems to have been a pretty good deal. Now Rich doesn’t have to rush out the door until after most the day has gone by. We’ll need the run to the pharmacy by 8:30 pm tonight. That’s plenty of time. He will be going out anyway because he wanted to pick up some groceries. I think we’re going to be doing laundry too, but he wanted to finish his morning show.

Hmm, I wonder if we are going to have any real thoughts that are more consolidated as to be saying something. So far we seem just to be getting through the mechanics of the morning. I think we’d started something before of an outline, where did we leave off on that.

We just read through it, but we were falling asleep. I’m hoping it wasn’t because the writing was so dull, just more I think because we so easily fade in and out – especially while reading. I just saw rich walk by which is what jarred us awake. He’s starting the laundry, but read exactly my mind in that we really did want a kiss before he walked by. The guy is telepathic! Good Rich. He’s back … that was a fast moment. Maybe he knew I snuck a tortilla with some ham. We’re sneakier than we look.

Ok, you … is there ANYTHING we should be writing about or are we just stalling?

How about if we thought about our book for a bit, is there anything there we need to process? I know that tomorrow we will restart our processing of the marketing plans. Nothing we need to do there now. It seems like we are being process orientated, in that we are thinking what to do next and next, but we haven’t really done anything yet. Well, sorta … it’s on the schedule. I think that Rich might be picking up because he just brought something out to the counter. Ok, is that about as much concentration as we have? That’s just not fair. Hard to think world famous author thoughts while Rich is just picking up and that grabs our attention.

He’s going back to sitting down now that a load is in. He said that he’d order pizza in about an hour and then after that AFTER the Bears game, he might go grocery shopping. He’s like that. I think he just has to get out of the house. He didn’t seem to have any real plans. He did ask me if I wanted to go with and it was like LORDY NO! I wouldn’t want to go out there, we have a terrible time with him and shopping AND I’ve got stuff that needs to be getting done. When I look up to take smidgeon breaks in thinking I’m seeing the room and trying to figure out how it is going to get arranged. The blankets are just soooo bulky.

Hmm, I forgot I have a TV in here AND we could be listening to Christmas music. So will it be that or listening to the wind howling. It is warm and cozy inside. I think we’re going to try the music. Ok, so far so good. I think we have to take back our feelings of being in this room.

We stopped a couple of months ago with the gorilla quilt and we don’t seem to have gotten back in it. We did find we could sew from the experience at the retreat, and we do get excited when Linda talks about the projects that she’s working on. She’s done about 15 pillow cases. Maybe if I just looked at the first blanket to see what I need to be cutting.

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