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Friday, January 14, 2011

Just some stray thoughts

Good morning. This is us. I don’t think we have too much to add since yesterday.

Rich left about twenty minutes before us and he had almost ready when we got there a big pan of Jumblia . Well skip the spelling. It was good. It had elements of like three left over meats in the fridge so Rich said it was the real stuff, except it didn’t have shrimp. It was good and spicy though. I think afterward we watched a little CNN waiting for it to get ready, and then let Rich watch fishy shows until he had to head out to another game. He got home about 10 P.M.

It took us a while to get off the couch. For the record we did find the WW ice cream sandwiches he’d gotten that was good stuff. And, then we eventually about 7 P.M. went to the sewing room to work on the patch quilt. We had gotten about 14 3x3 blocks done from 1” squares and we’d cut out the 3” x 3” pieces that go in between the colored ones. The bigger pieces were all beige. So, we sewed that together and then we started doing just over 100 one inch squares to their partners so we could begin another set of 9 blocks. I figure that it’s going to take quite a few of them to finish a quilt.

We are using the scraps from CS’s stash. I’m pretty excited about that in that both sets of organizers have shipped now. The pink ones are supposed to get there by today so that would be great. I think we’ll need to count on a full evening to put them together. The canvas containers aren’t due in at this time until around January 19th, but I wouldn’t be surprised if those got here early too.

WooHOO!! The Pink packages are in the delivery truck right now to our place, and the other one’s just left Parsippany NJ two hours ago. I love when we get this kind of info.

So this tells us pretty much really what we’re going to be doing tonight. Rich has a game about 7:30 P.M. I might be going to the game I forgot. I think he said something about going last night as he was tucking us in. I hate to lose time to our special projects, but then if it would make him happy for us to see his game; I think that has to weigh in as some sort of priority. I remember going to the kids’ games too and how happy that would make me to watch them on the floor. We would have to be careful just not to be sitting too close to gang people. We’ll talk to him about that, but I shouldn’t be making too big a deal. It’s about him not gangs.

Besides its fun doing something with our special love 

Maybe Rich will then help me put together the pink things before the game or tomorrow. I don’t think he has anything special going on over the weekend. We’ll both see his Mom on Monday. My guess is that it’s going to be too much time at home and that Bob is going to get him to either go out to the boat show or over to play poker. Boys got to be boys SOME time!

Rich is pretty excited of late because they are making plans and has now rented a place for four of them to be fishing in Alabama in April. This is a BIG deal especially after the fishy people haven’t been out all winter. They are psyching up for it and all the conversations lean toward one argument fishy wise over the next. Usually it sounds like I remember perfectly – 3 years ago on a Sunday, you slept in and we didn’t go out until 10:05 A.M. And I caught 3 fish over 5 pounds.

Yeah, like ok … I can’t remember what we had for dinner three nights ago? Are you all remembering fish? They start these conversations as a matter of fact, and if the other guy can’t argue back he’ll bring up another session the other isn’t expecting. Well on August 19, of 2003 … *sigh*

We’re more like “lada da da da.”

I don’t think there was enough space between the cubby’s to label anything so we’re going to have to figure out that part so we don’t spend too much time looking for stuff. Maybe there will be some sort of natural order after we start. I want it to feel like an assembly line where you have all the pieces in front of you just to reach out for. I really dislike the shelf as it is because it’s confusing. I just love order. I don’t think we’ll be getting the canvas bags in this week so we’ll have to wait until next. I think tonight we can take another peek in the boxes to figure out if the pieces are going to all be small scraps, or if there are bigger folded pieces we can put immediately into the cubbies. I don’t have a good recollection for this kind of stuff either.

I think part of the aching I have for the sewing world is to just be feeling the cloth and looking at the colors. Ok, truth is told … some of the old stuff gets smelled. It has a recognizable smell that seems good to me. BUT, of course the visual and touch comes first. It allows people like us to put together the strangest color combinations and still feel good about what we’re doing. Sometimes it’s just about color families and things fitting well enough to be interesting and stimulating without over doing it.

I wonder sometimes if I inherited something that makes sewing seem so right. I like that it feels good in process and the results of having sewn are good too.

It’s also nice to be able to talk to others about it, because it seems like we’re all on the same page in that we are fascinated and wish to spend time with our projects and this kind of time is easily given to the freedom of our extra hours.

I think because I get so much of the fabric given to me, I have to appreciate it for what it is and in what condition. But, we were telling Rich last night there is something very magical about making something of not much of anything or of what most people would have throw away. We’re working things back to the part that we at least put an hour to three hours into it a night.

When Rich came home I followed him into the living room, knowing that he’d want time for us and we ended up watching the two closers, but we felt complete in that we’d been in our special room. The last couple of times we’ve caught Anderson Cooper so that’s been special and we watched his special where he and Piers Morgan were interviewing each other. I appreciate him a lot more now. I didn’t know that he’d been the editor of Rupert Murdoch’s biggest news paper, and that he’d worked as a journalist or editor all along until his thing with the talent show. He was also a writer with Britain's biggest paper. I like what that aspect will bring as to an International view point.

I also like that he can talk with a quick wit and that he’s very personable to the person he is interviewing or talking with. He seemed very comfortable with Anderson and the two of them teased about most the CNN money going to Anderson and that Piers was going to give him a run for his money. If there was to be a competition between them I’d rather have it out loud. Piers did seem an equal in strength and intelligence. I thought the same of Eliot Spitzer. I’m not as happy with Parker. She doesn’t seem to know her stuff inside out like Spitzer and seems more just the hostess. She gets her one or two questions or statements in, but Spitzer carries the conversation and philosophy which he can share and exchange with anyone at the table. There’s no doubt why he got to be the Governor of New York.

Hmm, that was interesting. We just read about Spitzer from his Wikipedia page. He seems to have been born and brought up with a silver spoon, but made the most of his time and education. I hadn’t realized before he was only a governor for a short time because of a sex scandal. He was very entwined with a Prostitution Ring. He seems to have made the best use afterward of time with his wife in going to couples counseling which most likely saved his marriage. I don’t know what his partner Kathleen thought about that except I seem to remember that she made some statements as to his past being his past and not a part of their joint show.

There are some feelings even now that we have about womanizing, but having had an adulterous relationship for so long, I surely won’t be the one to throw stones. In comparison Rich was the one that was married, but I knew of the relationship and continued now for 17 years. Surely sex had been a part of all that. I don’t know how to handle all of that as being wrong, because me with Rich was so right on so many plains. I think we were meant to be together. I can’t say that wasn’t something others have said as well. I know I love him more today than even before for all his and our bad faults. I don’t really know if adultery is different when going out with just one other compared to going out with many others. I guess that will need some more life happening before it clears the history outlets.

As to where we stand with it now – I think we have to be clear on not bringing in all parties that may have been affected. We’ll wait until they put out their own books, and just let it be. I think that in every relationship there is 50-50 so although Rich and I may be guilty at a moralistic level, there are things that happened in his relationship which didn’t clear her from her part in their dysfunctional relationship. As to us, we were having our own problems, but had by then been separated and divorced. My father had said that people getting divorced should wait two years, and I felt we’d been separated two years – the divorce was long. At some point we’ll go back in records and find the exact dates for everything.

I guess I don’t understand the part where everything is lost – especially careers.

I think the world holds it’s leaders to some special characteristics or a moral high ground … as if they should act differently than so many others carrying out the same acts. Life is just a lot more cloudy than all that. For example Rich’s marriage is clearly over, It’s been about 3 ½ years, but still his son sits on a stony outside position and most of the people at work, don’t know about our situation, but those that do know including the good Sr. It really doesn’t seem to mean so much, and then you have us with our publishing history. Maybe I’ve gone soft over the years, but I think the thing is in hiding things as a secret. When we were found out and the secret was broken, things that should have happened long before happened … it will happen sometime most likely this year with the staff.

It’s not a secret worth happening. However, I feel it is a consideration where we don’t jar the work place either. When it happens it will and it will be most natural at that time.

There are at least six people including ourselves who know now. There’s a part of me that wants to race ahead and see how it turns out, but the people that know now … it just seems like it’s happening and there’s not much more to be said about it.

Maybe people talk outside, but even that I would consider it too to be a normal part of the transition of things.

I really believed what we talked about yesterday with the staff and changing over to a newer format electronically prompted for the job codes. It doesn’t have to be rushed and its better that we talk to everyone and people get a chance to make the transition slowly and in a way that feels ok to them. This is for the most part an easy feeling job where no one has to be made to feel miserable. It will be up to me to provide options, and in those just options as to the way they process things between hand and computer. I can’t make them do it; I can provide the opportunity to try something new. I don’t know yet what it will take to assist them in finding those developmental thoughts that aren’t fighting against the arrival of the 21rst century. I do admit that I had an interest in business machines in high school and we’ve had a computer for over 25 years. I just sometimes have a hard time understanding their avoidance, but I guess then it’s been going on a long time.

I just heard from Linda and last night’s even with the girlfriends seems to have been a big hit. I think that computers are something they don’t want to really get into. Linda also gave them my book, but she isn’t sure which of her friends might read it. It does seem they liked getting the gift. Linda isn’t feeling well of late in that she and her hubby seem to be sharing a cold. I hope she gets better.

She’s keeping busy in that there is a lot of things to be doing on her platter.

She’s a pretty cool friend in that aspect too. It’s harder for me to understand when people aren’t doing things.

Sometimes it’s probably a matter of I just don’t understand what people are doing.

We forgot to talk to our mother this morning on the way in, but we did talk to CS last night. Something has happened and now it seems she is going to be moving into her MIL house by herself. I don’t think she was really at liberty to talk about it, so we didn’t push. There are a lot of things in this concern we just don’t understand. It does seem very strong though in that CS wants to live in the house with or without Mark and Nancy. I hope they are on the same path and that decisions aren’t being forced.

I think they are getting the keys to the house today and that Nancy might be fixing it up but staying in her own house for another year. I thought the idea there was to get out of its debt. CS seemed to hint that I call back Saturday or later, so I’ll wait until then and see what happens next. There’s always something going on there, but again … I’m really limited as to what I know.

I don’t know anything new about my mother’s situation. My understanding at this point is that she went to Duluth with friends on Tuesday and she went to do volunteer work at her food pantry yesterday. I don’t know what is on the schedule today and this weekend, but she seems to still be doing cards and calls, and I think Margaret might go back to her place before Monday.

This is pretty much the outer shell of where my life is at in combination with others. I try to stick to just the few things that point a direction without going into too much that is personal like their thoughts, feelings or private conversations. It’s always on a border as to when people are happy to be included and the part which they are not. I try to let people know that I write about my general life and that they may be a part of that, and we try to get out what we write so that it’s not a secret. I don’t want to force anyone to read my thoughts, but it’s very cool when people want to.

I would have thought by now that we could warm up our fingers, but we’re still having problems with that. We moved the blanket down from our shoulders to our lap … it’s still cold. We should also say that we are playing some popular New Age songs. Some of it I like, but not so much this song. Ahh Electric Samurai … nope, nope could do without this one.

Someone is playing loud music louder than mine and I’m way back in the back end.

Hmm, seems to be coming from the cafeteria. I think its group 1 or who’s left. I think the Leadership group went and parts of all the other groups. We just shut the outside wing door. There’s a lot of dancing happening down there. I don’t think they realize how loud the sound is, but it doesn’t really make too much difference if it’s not bothering anyone else. At least from my stand point, it could be rectified.

I went up to talk to Sr., but apparently she is out on the field trip too. I bet they are having a good time.

I’m not sure if we said it or not, but we talked to Carolyn the other day. It was such a nice conversation. We’d been out of touch with her. I think we just got farther and farther out. There was school, things happening with marketing and then the funeral. After that we’d gotten back into the sewing and not as much other. We made arrangements so that she would ask Marie to call at 3 P.M. our time, which will give me a chance to be home. I feel really deadened to the whole idea of marketing. I think I will have to revive those feelings, but it’s part of the difficulty in finishing the school work. I would like to finish in the next two weeks before I worry about anything else.

The things coming up will be editing the second book, but Carolyn felt we should also be doing more with marketing right now. I will have another meeting with Carolyn next Monday, but in general I should be paying a payment to her of 1/3 of what I will owe. We went over it a little bit and she tried to bring down the cost of our payment to like $1130, but that doesn’t include getting the extra 15 books.

The extra free books are about $270. So then the cost would be about $1400 … If I pay an extra $150 I will get all the extra stuff plus the books and the other stuff includes things like getting the look inside and marketing assistance. She said that its pretty much I got what they give, but then I lose access to Marie on the second books. And, they charge like $500 for the next 100 leads. That would be part of paying that last $150. It just makes sense that we go that way, but then we have to as well come up with the extra money.

I’m thinking if we pay the $500 now then we get access back to Carolyn as she again brings us through the process. I can see where she seems to be trying to help us out, but then there is some advantages of not having things like copyright fall in our lap. Just something I don’t really want to learn about. We’ll have to see how things go at the next stage – which means getting our tax return. I felt a little like we were getting dumped. I was hearing between the lines that we didn’t really need her anymore. But, I didn’t want that to be true. I had felt in good hands with her and she’d done a lot to help motivate us through the second edition.

I think the sales part has to be thought out though. They put up some numbers at Friesen and it looks like we only sold 5 soft cover and 1 electronic. I think something is wrong in that I saw our numbers moving around and at one of the sites I saw that four were sold, but I don’t know why we weren’t given better numbers. I don’t understand … the numbers are really low. I felt bad for Carolyn because she knew that it was going to be hurtful. It wasn’t her fault, but she knows that most likely we had higher expectations. I know this is where marketing comes in, but we have to rethink our priorities. I’m not sure if the time wouldn’t be better spent getting a few more books out, but if the books aren’t selling then there is no extra money for the next and next sets that we want to get out this year.

I will for certain put off marketing until after this class is through. It’s not working for me having such sporadic meetings with Marie. I’m not sure what to do there, but my thinking is that we’re going to have to do some of our own homework toward marketing. I’m going to want the literature Marie has to give and the publications but we’re going to need doing something more. I have to understand more of the business than can be taught in a couple of hours a month. So this part I see as having to be my own dedication improved.

It’s been really easy to bask in the feelings of having accomplished something because there is a book in hand, but to take responsibility is so much more, just always there is a balance of what we could and should be doing next. One thing that I can’t stop doing is writing. Writing even if it never gets published is one of the most important things I do in life. I don’t feel good until I can think on paper. It’s just part of how life works I guess for authors? Maybe even more than that I wasn’t an author before and we were feeling the strong urge to write. I still have to think through how someday we are going to be able to write without working so that there is more time available. We seem to be pushing the envelope as to stealing minutes.

We don’t feel the same priority to be working at the center. It feels more of a place to be then a place we want to be. There would be no problems with it if it weren’t for the fact I want so badly to be home doing what we do. I feel so dense as to money and not be able to survive without taking up so many hours in the day.

Maybe we’ve worked ourselves in a hole? I think even if we had a job where we could be for example typing at home, it would still be requiring hours to be doing something other than our free flow writing.

Do others reach these feelings of extreme where the situation feels unbearable? I know that I’m doing no service to Sr. being here without being more inspired. I think she knows by now or should that we are dead weight.

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