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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hmm easy breasy Sunday

Good morning … this is me. We’re up to about 9:30 A.M. on Sunday morning. All the normal things have been done. We’ve written to Linda, taken our shower and medicine and had a light breakfast. We also watched Sunday morning with Rich. So that about takes us up to now. We’ve been checking on a few things as to the new quilting guild so that is pretty exciting. Linda has shown an interest. Now that I’m looking at the differences between muk-muk and Downer’s Grover, I’m really liking Downers Grove better because of all the extra programs and meetings they have. It is nice too that it is close enough to have meetings that I could go to. The next meeting is Wednesday, March 23 @ 7:30 P.M.

It seems there are advantages to Muk-muk too. I really love their newsletter and if Linda or the twins joined, I would too just to get in on the occasional event I can go to. I like the idea of options, but especially I like the idea of doing things with the girls. WooHOO!!!

Hmm, Rich is on the phone with Bob and they are having a really good idea. Bob apparently wanted to go out for breakfast, but Rich said he already ate and he had things to be doing, but they’ve been having the longest conversation and they are just laughing to beat the band. It’s pretty cool. Love to hear him having a good time.

I have to think seriously about what we’re going to be doing next. Those guys they are so funny … Rich just repeated the conversation he was having with Bob … it had something to do with food menu items for their next trip. Guys … they are just the funniest people!

Ok, so where are we going to go next. It’s 15 minutes later and I have no real plan although I know I would like to write for a while, just not sure about what. I think we pretty much got general news caught up yesterday.

I’d like to think we think of something between work and quilting, just not sure where else to go with that. I’d like to stay away from the CS conversations, because we seem to have gotten those thoughts to slow down a bit. I’m not so sure where we are with the house.

I guess the simplest plan is that we talked to Rich about doing what we were planning to do with the house as to savings. He said that he put in the box my $250, but he’s only put in half of his money – he put in $500 instead of $1000. This isn’t going to be a good idea. I don’t know where to go with that. Just have to be patient I suppose. I know that he’s got those thoughts in mind. I don’t know what to do with the thoughts as to how were saving as to safety deposit box. I think we’re going to have to talk to the bank as far as reassuring me that money that Rich and I save is just for the two of us and if anything happened to him it would come to me and not be in an argument with his son trying to get the money.

Maybe it is a couple simple statements and those thoughts would be calmed down. Just have to get that set of thoughts in order. We did talk about if something were to happen to one of us or the other, that the remaining person would get whatever was in the account. That be a good deal.

Rich busted us on a couple of expenses we’d paid for with the DSPs and goals. I’m thinking that was pretty much a spontaneous decision that won’t play out in the long run, but maybe it will. Just spent too much money … $200 went into the project for something that is work related and not me centered. I do like to think that I’m coming up with new systems when I do things like this and for that you can’t really ask sister to sponsor because we don’t know the outcomes. I know that she’s tight on money and we’re already in trouble with not asking her before spending.

It’s a mute issue in that we did replace our keyboard at work and she isn’t being asked any longer to cover the cost. She wanted to say that the old keyboard was sufficient, but it wasn’t checked out … Mr. O. just figured what the problem was. By that time we were already looking forward to the sweet touch of the Logitech keyboard, so we put the other away without looking twice at it. If I were ever to leave, I would replace their keyboard and take mine home.

We’re not looking toward that any time soon.

Maybe something we could do if we had extra time today is to look over the new CARF book, I would like to take up some kind of strategy with it. I’m thinking that we are going to be putting the whole CARF program on the computer. We figure there is a lot more that will be done because of the scanner. That’s really a sweet deal. I love the potential.

To get the Book on CD it would cost $245. I think that is too much.

We’ve – meaning sister has already paid $162 for the book. I’m debating whether or not to just take the binding off the book we’ve already purchased and then sent it through the scanner. We’ve already paid the high cost of the scanner might as well make use of it … and especially because it will print over to a Word document without any trouble. We’d be cutting it down too to just the areas that we are concerned with which should help the overload as well. It just means I’m going to discombobulate a perfectly good book with a nice spiral edge. I think the ultimate thing is to get it to it’s most readable format. It would be too much to copy from the copier and then run it through … because we’d have to copy and turn one page at a time.

Maybe I will do that in a bit – run things through to see where they are and if entering from the outline will help … I’m thinking of the person who was in last time who said that it be best to put everything on the computer. We now have the capability of doing that. Be a shame not to try. And, this isn’t the final book we’d be using … it be a good chance to try it out before the official book comes out. I think the next survey will be April/May of 2013. We’ve got some time, but I really want to incorporate our agency around the plan without making mind boggling switches when we get to the deadline period. It’s a thought, Right?

Good good … ok, we’ve progressed those thoughts.

I’m not sure if you all heard yet, but we finished, finished the 2nd scrap quilt and we’ve renamed it … It is now our Oatmeal and Berries Quilt AHA!

Wonderful! We also had an epiphany in that Rich said that it was his Mother’s and Bud anniversary and then the next thought was why not give it to them? I have been very happy with that thought ever since.

This is the way it looked finished. I would put in some of the other pictures, but we’re going to have to retry taking some before sending off … the bigger pictures were blurred. Hmm, Thinking here about what we’d talked to Linda about as to having a Quilting Journal … that be a nice Sunday project! Hmm, we’ll have to give that some serious thought. I think we could do something by going back over the pictures from Facebook. I don’t think there is much in there we haven’t photographed.

That be like a nice Sunday project, right? Thinking of seeing Linda shaking her head in an affirmation. Hehehe Thanks!

We wouldn’t have a full description of all the pieces that we want to collect information on, and I’m thinking that we’ll want to include projects that we’re working on in part like doing things on EQ7 and with cutting especially for CS.

Oh no … Rich just got a message from his daughter, that she saw a message from Katie a cousin that Bud is in the hospital. I don’t know what that is about, but could be a game changer … Rich is trying to get ahold of someone to confirm. We’re suggesting that he call Karen his step-sister.

He didn’t get anyone at his folks place. Ok … maybe not … he’s talking to Katie’s mom and someone else is in the hospital … ok, got the story … it is Katie’s other grandfather on her Dad’s side. It’s not a good story for him. He’s in the hospital getting his leg amputated through diabetes.

That’s sad for the family, but I’m glad that Bud’s ok. Now Rich is just having a casual conversation with his daughter. We’re going to need taking down the adrenaline level. *sigh*

Too bad for Katie’s other Grandpa though. Our prayers go out.

Ok, shhh shhh … where were we? Not wanting to appear here unsympathetic, but that part isn’t really any part of my life … have to concentrate on where we are.

Ok, back to the quilt journal. Let me take a look at that project for a second and we’ll see how it goes.

I’m thinking in some ways this is a duplication of Facebook and the Blog, but it’s different too in that it’s targeted just for the quilting. I like that some stats are going to be kept and that there should be a summary paragraph as to my feelings over the project. I’m not sure how that all is going to happen, but our journey with quilting happened just about the same time that we started taking pictures on line.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Japan's taken a mighty hit, but life at home is going on as normal - feeling some guilt

Good morning this is me. We’re back to doing something not done for quite a while … we’ve got the netbook back. WooHOO!!! I’m not sure if we’ll stay here or go back to the big computer though … there are advantages to both.

It’s about 8 A.M. and we’ve already gone back to napping and hopefully are through with that. It takes so much good time. Basically we were up about 4 A.M. and wrote Linda, took care of email etc., and then Rich had to be gotten up and we came over to the couch to do all that, and then we fell back asleep. He got ready as that was happening and now he’s just left and we’re up getting the rest of our day going. I like the part of being tucked in on the comfy couch with my little station plus coffee and kitty. I KNOW the cat loves having the little computer back again. It’s just nice.

I think it has been a while since writing again. I might have to do what we’ve been doing as far as writing a little outline of things happening. Maybe we can then fill in between the lines.

• We had gone to the Mexican restaurant on Friday night
• Caught up on our writing Saturday and Monday
• CS new sewing machine
• Joining the WI guild in Mukwanago or Muk-muk
• Linda pretty much down for the week because of cold
• CS inheritance and how we’re dealing with it
• Bob coming over for dinner and awkwardness after he mentioned seeing Rich over at the jewelry store – Bob as instigator
• Looking at houses with Bob and Rich and Rich becoming negative
• Offer to marry Bob
• Trying not to be mad at Rich
• Maury stopped by for lunch on Tuesday
• Having an “Ann Marie Day” which is what Linda calls staying in PJs all day ;)
• Not going to WW like linda
• Just doing cutting at CS but maybe using the old Singer while up there
• Trying to get taxes taken care of
• Ordering from Teacher’s store and Amazon the decibel meters and program on directions
• Paying for the November retreat
• Joining the IL guild – Faithful Circle Quilters meeting on the 4th Wednesday
• Fat Tuesday
• Updating Annual package to include satisfaction surveys and preference interviews – starting to summarize
• CS being “around the corner”
• Getting a pin cushion
• Dr. Marvin day – being cranky around Rich
• Werewolf update
• Friday date night at the Italian place
• Staff training meeting with Sister – Spring Fling
• Signing up and paying for our retreat with partner
• Taking vitamins
• Downplaying on WW
• Doing the CIRCLES program
• Goal to finish 2nd scrap quilt

Lordy … so much happens from one event to the other … it’s about 9 A.M. I guess I’ve got my work in front of me. It seems that we are working into a pattern where we are writing less, but then making attempts to catch up. I’m not sure how the difference will be for the reader, but there’s a good chance we’ll be taking out some of the middle man stuff lesser item stuff. I’m not saying that everything I capture in the summaries is going to be REALLY important, but there’s no perfect process in writing … just gotta keep putting those thoughts and ideas out.

There is one thing that we want to mention before getting too far into today’s writing … it is the acknowledgement that Japan has just suffered the problems and life crisis of an 8.9 earthquake and then a tsunami that reached 6 miles inland. It’s just crazy all the chaos that it is just crazy the impact on that community and others involved in the worry care and concern over the Japanese people. We turned on CNN news at work on the computer and we recommended doing the same for the Leadership group so they get an idea on what is happening … since we got home then from work yesterday and now this morning (away from Rich’s programming) we’ve been listening to things that are happening.

There is a lot going on with recovery, but no one really knows how bad it is. The difference this time is there are more videos coming in because of how electronic the Japanese people are even without cell phone and electrical coverage. There are other things too like being able to have clean water, fires, and a nuclear plant that might be leaking radiation. So far they are saying there have been 83 aftershocks and it’s the 5th largest earthquake in known history. It’s just an incredible disaster … I am going to be going back to my more trivial thing, but know this ongoing story is on in the background. It is one of the advantages in getting back the netbook and sitting on the couch rather than back turned toward it on the big computer.

I have always liked the little keyboard, but it is harder typing somewhat on it because how much closer we have to be keeping our arms in front of our chest. I hadn’t felt that before, but am realizing it now. Not a big deal … we are just looking for small differences. I have always like the touch, though I’m enamored with the keypad touch on the big keyboard. Yeeks I don’t want to be going into all that now … just maybe a transition from one point to the next.

At this point the US Reagan is just 2 hours away from being able to contribute 325 helicopters for search and rescue if invited by the Japanese government.

So starting from the top it seems that we’ve gone between one date night to the next. I have to be careful not to get too complainy in that we love being with Rich, but lately have been pretty selective in what we want to hear. There’s only so much for example we want to hear on his fishy world AND his aches and pains. I think this shows a bit of intolerance within our system, but I’d like to think there was more building of conversation rather than just reporting stuff. I don’t know how to get out of this mode though because I realize I do a lot of reporting as well. Even what we are doing now … we’re telling you what happened in a lateral manner, though we’re trying to include an ongoing conversation with how our mind is processing some of the events happening.

Ok, back to normal stuff. We’re going to try moving this next part along as a total package. It is more like an onion being discovered within layers of us.

Pretty much we are talking about CS windfall. We were very impressed with her in that … something must have happened because when we talked to her on the way home from work, she allowed the conversation to be focused on us totally. I can hear her pushing and straining but she did well with it and for her sake we avoided pulling her back more to the forefront of the conversation, because she’s been in this other world for now 4-5 months. One day or at least one call I figured she could afford to think through matters that weren’t self-centered.

I’m not saying this to be mean to her, but inheriting close to a million dollars in cash, papers, coins, house, and investments etc, has taken a toll on her, us, and others relating to her and Mark. I’d like to think of myself as a good support to her, but much has been happening she’s not overly aware of. We talked to Dr. M. of course about it getting back to his office after being in WI for another weekend.

He almost laughed when we questioned did it have something to do with the anger we were feeling toward Rich this week.

One of those outbursts came after Bob instigated a deal on us not being married or having a house and although it couldn’t be said directly … we have no real money either. I don’t know how Rich does this in his brain, but you can tell differences between us in us having someone to talk to and process where he does not.

For example, he’s had almost 4 years now to process his separation and divorce from his wife, but he’s done little with that. Similarly it’s been almost four years and his son has not processed that life is now different. I think in not fixing problems there is a lot more tension build-up which includes the formation of anger and its residue. Dr. M. said something this week about feelings being transient, but that they need to come out in some kind of expression and then be listened too if not validated, and then they recess until the next set of concerns stimulate the individual’s emotional balance. Well he didn’t say it like that, but it’s somewhat accurate.

I know the best thing I can do for Rich is to listen, but he rarely talks about feelings or emotions unless its something more directly between us. He wants to avoid dealing with his pains by hiding behind the fishing. That’s not a professional diagnosis, but I think also it is close. He does a lot of practical things too suggesting he is living in the present, but it’s not really future focused. For example, he can do the washing and drying downstairs, but he cannot put together the next step as to what will make that situation better – either in a machine upstairs or moving to another living place – it seems that it hurts him even to think of expanding these thoughts. I think pretty much he puts the thoughts on me as if getting married or moving was one of our problems and that he doesn’t need to be affected. BUT, his not moving forward is affecting us, because we cannot do it alone.

I think he’s having small problems in just the savings aspects we’d talked about … I don’t know what it would take from his end to be putting together his portion, but I have not seen my portion. He sees it as $250 he doesn’t have to give me, but because we had money in the bank, he thought he could get by without taking it as our payment and putting it into a savings location. We’ll have more conversation on that now that it is the weekend. I want to see the money and that it be sitting in a tangible place we can look at it to assure its presence. I will never agree to put the joint money in Rich’s savings deposit box, because I believe his son would try to obscure it if something were to happen to Rich … This is something between him and doesn’t affect the thousands going out monthly to take care of the livelihood of his ex and son.

I won’t say much past that … but know that this other idea of saving something toward a house is supposed to help get past the other situation. I understand the value of saving money towards those ends. I need to focus on that as to our situation and that of his ex and son and the situation even between CS and Mark.

We’re definitely the underdog without their income, inheritences and having houses. It is a very humbling experience.

More of this will come up through Dr. Marvin, but it is something we need to be dealing with.

One of the new things this time was with CS getting her new sewing machine. I feel better in self-defining what we have and don’t have, but we feel a little cranky in that we’ve worked so hard to communicate with her once or twice a week and then her telling each of our sewing friends of the new machine before she told us. Due to the immediacy of the twins getting to her place and making an official announcement it’s obvious the situation was being manipulated. You KNOW where we are with that kind of thing. She is very particular as to what she allows to be known and not known. When you talk to her you can get a better idea of her thinking processes which by many means is the relationship to holding friendships, but she’s not doing it naturally. It is very controlled.

There was a good thing that happened this week in that Linda and I got together and we’ve both now paid for the November retreat and the arrangements to be sharing a room together. It was a $299 expense, but it will be Wednesday at 3 through Sunday at noon, which is about four entire days meaning that each day lodging, entertainment and food is costing us about $75. It’s really not a bad price consider $125 for a hotel alone is pretty normal. Because the women that get together are so wonderful … it is worth the cost.

I think the one thing I’d like to consider this weekend if Linda was open is spending periodic visits to our place. She’d have to be comfortable sleeping in the sewing room on the couch. I feel bad for not being able to offer her a bed, but it’s the best we could do. I’d like to think also of her considering a joint membership in the Faithful Guild as well as maybe the Muk-muk one that the twins are talking about. It would be a balance of about $50 between the two and there are advantages to both including retreats, meetings and shows – along with sharing friends and having activities we could share between us. I figure that the twins or Linda could tell me what was going on with their meetings and we could convey the Wednesday meetings here, and that we could get together more often for Friday/Saturday events.

It is a lot to figure out and all of this includes cost and time so it’s trickier than might be seen. I do think that if we got into the swing of it … it is something we’d all get used to.

There we just wrote an email to the girls. I don’t know if anyone is interested, but I wrote of three options … basically, 1) if someone else would, I would join the mukmuk guild near the twins, 2) they could join me in joining the Downer’s Grove Group, or 3) they could stay here and do some work – and we’d put them up the $55 for the motel down the street. They could always upgrade. We could have one person sleeping over, but after that we’d need extra space, but I figure we have the sewing room tables, the drafting table and space for a couple of machines on the kitchen table. I’d like to see it tried before thinking it couldn’t be done.

Maybe Linda would come down first and give us a good mark. I’ve invited CS, but I don’t think she’s as willing to travel. She hasn’t in all this time so far. We’ll see.

Should be moving on – but you did catch that part where we have joined the guild in Downers Grove? It is 9 miles or 20 minutes away and offers great programming.

They have membership open to 175, but are like about 135 now. They can be found at

Anyway … we should be moving on … we’ve been playing with this a bit.

Shoot shoot … Vicki just wrote a short note and it appears her heart is acting up.

It’s personal so I won’t say more, but this has added a concern. I know that Vickie is very stable, but it’s ok we worry some. I am having problems focusing though so we’re thinking we need to plow ahead. It is now 11 A.M. so we’re going to write just for the next hour and then turn ourselves over to the sewing. Linda hasn’t written back this morning so I’m hoping she got time out with Tony. We’ll see.

Maybe we should think through the situation of being mad around Rich at night. Dr. Marvin seems to think that its just because he is around. That makes sense, because we couldn’t think of much we were directly angry with him for … there was the little skirmish with Bob being over on Monday night for dinner. He was fooling around and offered up to the conversation that he saw Rich at the Jewelry store the other day. I know this was triggersome and we were thinking stop stop we don’t have to go there, but without to much more effort we were there none-the-less and not talking to anyone in the middle. We were nice to Bob when he left, but then we didn’t want to talk to Rich for a while.

He came to see us with his puppydog eyes after Bob had gone … he was looking for a smooch. We were too cranky for it. But, we took to heart he needed one … and so we worked at getting calm again. Next time he came back we were more loveable and forgiving. I don’t know if he knows what he’s being forgiven for … Don’t think we really want to go into it … it’s a big deal always the first thoughts are that we are not good enough. But, then from what Dr. M. was saying was that some of the anger – a good part of it was in going through another weekend with CS. Being with the friends is good and maybe even parts of CS are good … she’s not a bad person, just she’s going through a difficult experience, and is often the case we have to bend ourselves around her situation instead of it being the other way.

We’re going to need to keep going through that conversation. It is one of those things that I believe if I were a better person or happier with my life it would be less trouble to accept she now has a fortune, homes, and husband and I have none.

I don’t know it seems like it’s a lot of feeling sorry for myself. I don’t mean to be this selfish, but it calls to question for me my sense of worth and value in this world and to Rich in particular. I think these feelings from the depth of what we’re feeling have probably crossed paths with how we have felt about ourselves in the past. It’s too much to go through here out loud, we’ll probably continue just touching on it as a marker and doing the heavy duty work with Dr. M. He’s our safety.

I told Bob he was going to need marrying us and he said he’d get back to us with it. I’m pretty sure Rich isn’t going to give us that kind of permission though.

I’m looking over my list thinking I don’t really feel too good to be talking of much of it right now even with 45 minutes left on the clock. I’m thinking maybe a little on work in that we’ve been doing quite a bit to pull together our annual package. As stated above we added the satisfaction survey and personal preference interview to the package which has made it that much more valuable. We still think the next progression is to make summary paragraphs from the material presented … I think if we did enough we’d be able to progress that situation without as much a sticky feeling.

For the record we got done with part of those last two clients, but got stuck on their goals. We ordered a few things for the goals so I’m a little confused as to making them all up without getting in the materials to test them. One of the doohickeys was a tester to test the decibel (noise) level. I’m really excited about that … hmm, did we tell you that part already – we brought it past sister and the DSPs and it seems to be accepted by everyone though it might fall on me to figure it out step by step. The other program (though about 4 were ordered) has something to do with following instructions like go right, left 2 blocks, etc.

Until I can open those programs I should pause though I might finish off the other goals that have nothing to do with these. Sometime on Monday or preferably Tuesday we need to continue these two persons six goals, do a goals and objective for one that’s missing, and then do the change work to rewrite three peoples goals that the DSPs have brought to my attention. That then like what? Like 10 goals I guess.

To be safe I should do them between Monday and Tuesday, but I want to advance this other part too.

The new system worked pretty much in talking with 2 of the 3 ISSA workers who stopped by on Friday. One didn’t bother to talk with me though I was available – it was though too the secretary’s faults for letting her in the building without letting me know. I’ll talk to sister about that. It is kind of a statement as to her belief that I’m not very important in dealing with the clients, yet is inadequate. Ok, let’s not get into that. Pretty much though its another frustration.

We lost some of our order over the week in that not everything got marked down in our notebook. That’s REALLY frustrating, but things were starting to stockpile on each other and without proper borders between projects, we go from one thing to another without being able to process correctly. Dr. M. had a marker down in that we’d told him we started our day with two ice cream sandwiches. He basically said that should have been a clue that things weren’t going right. We are still trying to get through the food intake this morning. We skipped a proper breakfast and ate instead leftover hamburger. Yah like that was good for us 

It should have also been a marker that we didn’t eat breakfast at all this week except while we were home, and then we ended up at work feeling starved to death.

That led us getting into some peanut butter that was sitting around and it opened us up to getting a 13 point coffee cake before seeing Dr. Marvin. We gained some control, but we’re wavering. All of that maybe started around Rich getting the chocolate stuff for Fat Tuesday this week. He gave us over two days time 3 chocolate fudge like frosting cookies – large and two pieces of chocolaty fudge cake. Yes, he should be able to do nice things for us and we definitely liked eating them, but we also know in frustration that we shouldn’t be eating those kinds of stuff because we are not able at this point to restrain ourselves. So he wasn’t helping … We talked to him since, but not in great depth. Just he has to know it’s not a good idea and neither of us have gotten on the scale over the last two weeks. Not a good deal, nor is it that Linda has not been to her club either.

I think we need to get a one up on this … I’ll make lunch – a sandwich in the next half hour and perhaps a fruit or pudding snack at 2:30-300 P.M. but other than that … no more snacking no matter what Rich brings back with him. I had heard him say he has to go shopping and I know that to be true.

Ok, Dr. Marvin … we are at it again … yes after the hamburger’s dinner/breakfast, but can only work here in the present, right?

There was a fun part to having done the work with the annuals, in that Gary and Kathy did let me know they were in – though only Kathy volunteered that … Gary was trying to avoid us. He was in the Thinking Group having clients sign papers, but he wasn’t really spending time with them, me or the papers so in essence a proper visit … that will be part of what we explain to Kathy by having them in without talking to them proper. One of them was saying that they no longer needed signatures except at staffings. I’m going to bring that to call too.

BUT, when we gave them our updates on their clients, I could see how appreciative they were. It’s got everything they could be looking for, but with far less time and energy needing to put into it. We did also have a long extended talk with Kathy and Rich about goals. Basically they had both been to a meeting from Kathy’s superior at her work and he had a different idea as to what goals were and how they should be made up. So between the three of us, we came to better terms of how things should be. There was pretty much agreement all along, though it was different then told how to do things before. And there is more restrictions Kathy is trying to add to the goal procedure that I don’t believe is happening with all the ISSA, but theoretically it is a good idea to check out goals before changing them with others like the family and Kathy, just that it is bothersome. I know when a goal isn’t working because of something with the client or event the staff.

It’s a political thing to think it has to be checked out with the state.

Pretty much though what is being said is that we can make the generic goal more general and then work within the agency in change objectives or methods to get the goal on one track. We’ll be thinking of that as we process these next 10 goals.

The general part? With 24 clients I’m expected to track 72 goals. It is crazy to think that each time we can contact 3-4 people to make that arrangement … Life just isn’t that perfect. It bemoans the part where DSPs can see problems in-between the other things that are more problematic and need direct attention. Basically Kathy was saying you still need to do the other goal, but you can add goals. There isn’t a magic three number as we’ve been going under. I do know in the past CSO reps have yelled if we didn’t have three, but I can’t do anything about that until I happen to talk to someone beside Kathy. She tends to say things are gospel instead of acknowledging she’s just interpreting. It’s the same kind of problem I have in listening to things from Holly. But, I suppose that be the human element. I would like to see their rule books if they are going to be putting out statements as facts. As soon as we can … we’ll have to go through some of the regulations to see if any of this is laid out. Even the part where David her boss was telling in no uncertain terms are we to do less than contact the agency with our correspondents and then their secretaries will get it to where its supposed to go … you get the ISSA people saying not circumvent that by sending me the paperwork directly on line or through faxes – the very thing the agency is trying to get past. These kinds of things make me frustrated. I just want one rule and it better be valid.


Ok, maybe we’re not ready for a full work talk yet. I did know that after Gary caught on to I wasn’t going to bust him for the sneakyness of signing clients without seeing them, and that instead I was giving him valid information – well I’d like to think that’s going to work for me. I think we’re back to the mode of wanting to be a model business. Every step is closer toward working on CARF … I know that has to be a part of my everyday life.

Ok, we’ve gotten to our self-imposed deadline. We would like to push ahead … even though I think the quilting is going to be harder than writing or doing work work.

I know this is the time I’ve got reserved for it so I should take advantage of it.

Besides … that would help me when talking to Dr. M. to know that I was doing things in their proper perspective. Maybe if I took just one last look at the list to assure I’ve got everything I can in the time available.

I guess just a couple more things … I would like to foreshadow that the Spring Fling is coming. Sister has us in charge with Rich the silent bidding. That should work out fine. She’s trying to take pressure off the couple who usually take care of it because they are having so many life struggles. We’ll try to let them help with as little interruption to their life as possible. I think Rich is of the nature, he can take it over with my assistance, but it’s going to need work too next week. We have to put descriptions and estimated costs on all that has come in or that Imelda has put together. I think the DSPs are responsible for their own things, but the bigger items will go in the silent auction. I remember that I did work last year and then both the family and the fundraiser person who were supposed to be taking care of it … didn’t do the part assigned to me, but then there were grumbles that it wasn’t done their way. I don’t really know what to do about that. I’d like to think I did it as well as possible for their lameness in identifying items and their true costs. Maybe I’ll find it different, but we’ll check on it Wednesday and start the chore.

The last thing was about the werewolves. All I want to say there is that I have nagging feelings of my granddaughters being ok. I know that Maury will always do his best, but I still hold an opinion that allowing them to have a relationship to me, especially when someone else outside the family is in a disciplinary role and has a LOT of anger issues … well that can’t be good. My part toward it this week was keeping communications open with Maury and watching my first werewolf vampire show. Blah … It was like a soap opera! I get frustrated thinking they don’t see the anger issues involved.

Hmm, better try to end on a good note. It’s really really windy out there right now. But, that is neither good nor bad.

Hmm, one more thing about the Japanese disasters … they are really saying positive thing about the social media and how its helping people to connect. This is a good thing … I’d like to end on that note of hope.

Monday, March 7, 2011

It's been a while ... and we got another quilting week in

Good morning. It’s me. It’s about 9:30 A.M. and we’ve been up for about 3 ½ hours. Rich is getting ready now from the shower … he suggested that we help him with his therapy, but he wants us to push on his legs and we’ve already tried that for one of 4 rounds and it was exhausting.

Thinking here of all the pressure of his legs wanting to unbend as we’re pushing him in. He’s supposed to use a towel or belt. I’m like NOT doing that … it’s too hard! It be easier to massage him for an hour!

We’ve gotten Linda’s note ready, so in our head we’re repeating some of the information, but we can’t help that much. I think it’s been a while since we wrote to our blog. There’s probably hundreds of things that have happened, but maybe we can just put a summary list of things happening and then go from there. I think we haven’t been writing to Linda as much either so we’re not sure exactly what notes we are taking from … Let’s check in though. When is the last time we wrote?

Oh Lordy … it’s been almost ten days! YEEKS! We’ve really been out of the loop. We’re going to need figuring where we’ve been. Ok, trying the outline form and we’ll build from there.

• Maury and his girl back together
• Still worrying over granddaughter being a werewolf
• Talked to Maury several times – keeping caught up in general stuff
• Honorary sisters at WW – lost 8 pounds total
• My mother’s updates
• Bob and Marcia over for dinner and conversation
• Cut and stitched first part of J&C quilt, but made terrific error in square size
• Cut more one inch squares so that project is ready to start up again
• Finished typing 2nd scrap quilt – will quilt last part today maybe!
• Keeping household pretty much picked-up
• Changed the cable situation – so good number of shows AND DVR in each room – to sew and massage better
• Working on the annual project at work and have completed putting kits together including the Qnote, the QSP Chrononote, the DSP Chrononote, the behaviors and incidents, the client file updates, then annual meeting and the goals. Pswhoo!
• 1rst Saturday sewing group over the weekend
• Long work on the State strategy plan
• A couple of Dr. Marvin visits - I am sending a reminder about what we talked about at the end of the session today. You stated that one of the goals you had for yourself was to feel as grounded and confident outside of the therapy session as you do when you are here. One thing I suggested was that you try remembering what it’s like to be here (having a conversation), with the goal of reinforcing that feeling, so you can recall it later. It will take time and practice, but it will happen.
• Been going out on Friday night dinners with Rich
• Fishy shows with Rich
• Battling out the dramas with Sr. and Rosa
• Waiting on tax return to pay for computer
• Admin meeting
• Gave back CS computer – laptop, got our netbook in
• Getting time off for Pulaski Day
• Celebrated Emily’s b-day with the girls
• Did cutting work for CS newest quilt
• Drove up and back from WI with change of eating/sleeping and came home very tired
• Worked on schematics of CS new place – with much consideration put into her sewing area
• CS is getting new Viking sewing machine and possibly table/workstation
• Thinking of a trip up to MN
• Steering our own ship
• Working day for our on-going sewing projects

And, the last thing which is very hard … Vince has died. They don’t know what happened to him, but he died on February 27th, had his wake on March 4th and was buried on March 5th. We’ve been so distant from him although we knew he kept up with this blog and our facebook and would periodically leave a note. It wasn’t like in the old days when we talked so much, but I still feel sad about the passing. At one point he’d been a very close and dear friend.

Now maybe just skimming over the top of some of my other time now that the general outline is in. First was Maury and his girl. I’m glad they are working it out, I’m a bit worried in that some hard feelings were taking place and they involved the grandchildren … Nothing I can do there, but be appreciative of how hard they are working to deal with the life’s they’ve put in front of them. I’ve always believed relationships to be 50-50 and in there actually being a social construction to relationships. I learned that back in college with Peter Burger … and try to keep the thought in place when hearing ups and downs.

A little of what we are fearing though as to Isa becoming a werewolf is that we’re thinking she’s being blamed for more problems than should be credited to a young 5 year old. So that the negative stuff she’s hearing about herself has formed into a “monster” which she is separating from herself so that she can live with the happier nicer version which she surely is part of. I don’t like blaming kids for stuff. Usually it isn’t their fault. They can take correcting, but then it is our fault as adults for not shaping them from one set of circumstances to another so that the lives mesh together. Kids don’t SUDDENLY become bad without variables that we may or may not be understanding. It’s our jobs as adults to keep working with them in the most positive light possible.

My problem if any is that I’d been built up to think that I may be watching the girls a couple of times a month on Maury’s Sundays, and now it looks like things are working differently and we’re not going to see them so much. All of that hasn’t been stated plainly, but I told Maury when the better plans were being laid that most likely it is what is going to happen. I feel crumbly about it because I’d built up so much anticipation at being able to be around the girls.

Social construction of relating includes the ups and downs that we’ve been having with Sister and Rosa. I think we’re on the better side of that now … during the last part of the admin meeting on Friday, Sr. Got up and massaged for a second my shoulders and it felt like a million dollars. I don’t even know if she thought of what she’d done in being THIS nice, but it was soooo appreciated that we’ll try holding onto it while getting us through the harder times.

We have talked to our own mother a couple of time over the last 9-10 days and she seems to be doing well. I don’t think there is so much to consider as to her space, but that she’s still recovering from surgery and is going to physical therapy which she seems to like. She’s getting good movement back into her arm – and because it’s been a month, there might be just a couple more weeks and she’ll be back to regular activities that include driving.

Bob and Marcia seem to be doing well too. We had a good visit with them coming over and Rich doing dinner, and then the guys watching a couple special fishy shows afterward. Marcia encouraged me to work on our sewing as we were talking and that worked out especially good. I could concentrate as Marcia was talking on her conversation, and then when I’d have to concentrate more on the sewing, I would excuse us for a second to think, and then we’d be back into routine non-thinking stuff again, and we progressed through that. I was almost disappointed when the guys called us back to being with them, because it had been so enjoyable, but then we worked on finishing our tying knots project so that was good too. That was the same day we also cut fabric for the smaller 1 1/2” squares, so I felt really progressed.

We didn’t make it to last week end’s WW meeting, but the one before that we had a nice 2.2 pound loss to be down 8 pounds. After this weekend we’re really going to have to work hard to have another loss next time.

However we met a couple of the girls – two sisters while we were there.

They always sit in the front row toward the middle and we sit in the second row toward the middle. It was really sweet of them to turn around and include me this time. I will look forward to saying hi to them again. Maybe somebody would have then missed me last weekend.

That part was that we were at WI for the quilter’s meeting with the girls, but more of that later.

Before we get too far though … we’d just been talking about our projects with the three quilts and we wanted to say for the record we’d made a big error with the J&C quilt. It was supposed to be cut 72 – 8 ¼” squares and by mistake we cut them to like 5 5/8” We hadn’t reread the directions while cutting so had used the square thing to cut the pieces not remembering that that was only for the 2nd cutting of the colored grid.

So we had to work on scaling down the entire quilt because we couldn’t go back and cut all those pieces again. There wasn’t enough fabric, nor did we want to waste all that had gotten cut. So we’re trying to live through this mistake. All the frame parts have to be recut too. It was just a tremendous error on our part, but hopefully will teach us something on getting through things.

Maybe we’ll be able to finish the second scrap quilt today and that would carry us a long way as to comfort ability.

Around the house we’ve been doing pretty good at keeping things picked up and we’re doing well still with the work getting done during work time.

We were very productive last week and got through the admin meeting without too much extra to be said. The staff training meeting didn’t happen because it was first Friday, and then we didn’t have Thinking group either. Next Thursday, Sr. will commandeer our staff training meeting to be doing the staff meeting. That will work out fine for us. We have something then planned for the time AND we get to sit in on the meeting.

We will still be doing Thinking group after, but in general that’s just how things happen.

We’d done a big project that we talked about a few moments ago so won’t repeat, but in general the big Annual project has been a big endeavor and it was too a place we appreciated on Friday before leaving. Today is Pulaski – don’t have to work day, but we’ll probably look at it for a few moments to see if we could glean any insights from the project. There’s a lot of information in the folder we put together and we need to figure out how to next best use it especially with the trainers or for that matter our own position. We are the Q and would like to have more positive impact on the clients. It’s always just a matter of how much time we use with one thing onto the next.

One of the things we will have to consider is getting the top three groups in a private session with us on relationships. I don’t want to interfere in what the staff or Mr. Hall is working on, but I would like to see if I can pull things from the material we are gaining on improving the client’s situation somehow. Maybe again we’ll look at the book today and see if we can take it in that direction. There are other things going on too. I’m insisting in our brain that we finish the last three clients work by tomorrow AND we need to get into the CARF project, especially the work with satisfaction surveys and strategy planning from information learned this last week from the state, the staff and the clients – rolled into formats acceptable to both CARF and the State AND will hold to Sr.’s thinking. It’s a lot of coordination of ideas. It’s up to me to define our roll in the process. It means taking on more responsibility for being a good professional employee. We want to have a relaxing day today with writing and sewing, but I don’t want to lose track with the other. Maybe just a little on this then later.

The situation that took the most improvement at home was not only keeping picked up with things and keeping the dishwasher progressing was that we talked to the Cable company and had someone in last Sunday who put in the anyroom feature onto our TVs so now we get all the channels from ALL three rooms AND we get the DVR in each of the rooms MEANING … that Rich and I can go back to his long massages when we are watching his shows. It had been uncomfortable to do a really good job from the couch and still be comfortable, and we’d figured out in the old days where he got lots of massages it was because we laid down in the bedroom without the TV. Times have evolved and now Rich is here full time so still needs his TV time, but now we can do both. I’m REALLY happy about all that.

At the end of the last Dr. Marvin meeting we talked to him and he said something about us being able to remember his space while we were out in the space of others. We had had a feeling of losing out on the even-tempered Ann who talks through her problems without being over-bothered.

We had an experience of that over the weekend, but still lost about 30-45 minutes being in a mad place around Rich after we’d gotten home from the weekend. We were very calm there, but still there was frustrating stuff to us that we had been more hiding than handling.

A lot of that has to do with CS now looking at about gaining about a half million from her deceased MIL and getting an extra house added to having a house as well as having the fluidity to buy better things like her announcement of getting a new sewing machine plus always the abundance of fabrics. Maybe it is more our problem in not talking about it directly.

It’s obviously bothersome to us. The space in-between her life-style and ours is so different that it is uncomfortable to live through. It probably didn’t make it any easier because we had spent the entire weekend working on her project. I’m not sure if it would have even been noticed, but she did not cancel another engagement out so we spent the last three hours at her house by ourselves finishing her project as she was not even there.

It felt very non-appreciating. It was also our fault though in that we’d gotten frustrated with working blindside by her constant conversation on her space without interest of others … anyway we asked about getting a floor plan so she drew out one for each floor. I think that was better for us in that it felt good to plan rather than not know exactly how things we’re going.

The biggest consideration was that we worked with her in developing space down in the family room portion where she could be having her bigger sewing area. She had thought to bring it downstairs where there was more room, but had shut herself off to thinking it needed to be in just the office space. I also encouraged her – because obviously she now has the money to do it … but to get a big work station. We’d looked at them before and had thought Koala put out the best sewing machine table setups. I don’t know if she’ll go with that or another, but we’re thinking she’s thinking further ahead. You just don’t get that far in advance without progressing thoughts completely.

The major difference was that she’d thought of their over-extended long couch as being more of the room’s center highlight than anything … in a sense maintain the room she already has at her old house. But, we’re trying to tell her is that a formal living room and TWO family rooms are too much of the same thing … Just isn’t going to get used. We showed her by putting the elbow back into the couch and making it L-shaped would allow her to use the room half family room and half sewing room. The cumbersome parts could still be in the old office, but she could do the work in the bigger room that would feel more comfortable to be in. She’d already had good ideas as to taking the front off the cabinets so having floor to ceiling display of her fabrics. And kits.

It was really good thinking. I’m still thinking we could work on her a big with office space. If not for Mark working on his school work – he’s going back to get a nursing degree then it would be her special computer space and space to pay bills and other things of that nature … AND could include her scrapbooking. I will continue that conversation with her later. Part of her problem is that she’s thinking the old way of keeping old furniture that is past its prime and not thinking very creatively with room space, but then you’d have to imagine that it’s really one of those specialty things we do with our time in imagining space without houses we dream of having.

I think it would be a really good idea to separate out the scrapbooking from the quilting. Why not have a creative space. And one other thing we are trying to work through is developing areas that both her and Mark can work on equal stature. Like it was very important that she place him in the smaller rooms or the rougher spaces much like his mother did so he has a workroom – though that is good if he wants to work on gems again, but he shouldn’t have a negative bathroom along with the smaller space upstairs. By opening the downstairs family room to be half that and have CS sewing they would have the option of him being around her … or he could go upstairs to the other family room with fire place if he wanted separation.

Likewise I can see in the living room they could set up two big equal size desks and both share the space – she is used to working by herself and could still do the same in that a lot of time he’s out working and she’s at home, but as a married couple you want to develop a comfort with the relaxing time together. I could see her doing like a form credenza and hutch on her own, plus a big 6 foot desk in front of it and then put in another 6 foot desk for him with maybe bookshelves since that is more of his need.

Hmm, that took a while. It’s now about 1:15 P.M. and we’ve been missing in action for a bit. We did for the record get through our correspondences … we had 250 emails, though 98% is garbage. There were a few that required response. One was that the twins are recommending joining a guild in Mukwanago, WI. They call themselves the Crazy quilters. Gotta love a group that understand being a little crazy … I might just call it wanting to go muk. CS responded back already to being interested though having to check some of the dates.

Hmm, needed to send out an extra note to Linda because she should be getting in just about now. I wanted to know if she was interested in Muk and if she’s interested in being my partner for the fall retreat. I’ll wait to hear from her before sending through my money. I don’t remember the cost, but I’m thinking it’s like about $420 … It’s a lot of money, but I think its 5 days. We will have to check. I read something today like a quilter with pretty regular interest will spend like $2400 a year average. I believe it and that’s WITHOUT buying a machine.

Anyway that’s where we are with the general sewing news. We’ll watch for Linda’s next post … I know she will check when she gets home. Ok, any other news beside sewing? Oh one more thing, we did get another quilt – or at least the fabric for one. CS started a class, but didn’t like the fabric or the project. It’s just an opportunity to get together with the regulars. So, she figured the fabric would make a nice kids’ quilt so sent it home with me. We were explaining to Linda earlier, but we felt a little hard-pressed because CS sends us home with projects a lot, but we like working on some of our projects. In particular we want to be working on the office trilogy and the Dancers in the park. Those are way too long forgotten. Best we be finishing up on this quilt today. If we could do it … I think we’d maybe take some pictures and then see if that lady from Linus blankets would be in tomorrow to receive a donation. Shoot … maybe not … forgot that it’s supposed to be washed first. I wouldn’t be able to see that through until the weekend.

I’m thinking Rich has a couple of projects. I think we wants to go for St. Patties to his mom’s next Monday or Tuesday, but I’m not remembering what else. Sometime he’s supposed to be meeting with his son, but I’m not sure what else. Just seemed like SOMEthing was coming up because I had the feeling of grasping for days like straws. Maybe it was because we were out all weekend and have so little time to get in with our personal stuff. That was the problem with doing CS stuff and then her sending it home. I’m not here for another’s interest. I want to develop from within me. I’d much rather pick out and sew from scraps or even some of the extra quilts she’s got here … just so it be my choice.

Fishyman is going pretty well now days. We wrote about the part of getting more massages because the change up in TVs … Hehehe it’s about 1:30 P.M. and we forgot to turn the TV on today. Maybe when we go back to the other room. We would like to get the debt off our nerves with tax money, but its us pushing ourselves, not Rich. Rich has been good lately to talk about business, not that we always agree, but its good to have conversations with someone beside Dr. M. We won’t see him again til Thursday, but it’s already been about a week, so we’re a little droopy in that department. Back to fishyman though – he’s made a big hit with the dinners and even more so because they don’t involve Bob. I love Bob to pieces, but he’s just not helping the romantic feelings as much as eating out alone with Rich. I know I be the selfish one. We did have a good time with Bob and Marcia too. Lordy they would know about wanting special time just between them.

There was one more thing to say about Sr. I don’t know if we said it already, but she sneaked in a little shoulder massage … just for like10-15 seconds, but it was worth a ton in our book. Maybe we said that part already.

Rich was very happy apparently when we were gone in that he had fishy stuff all over the place. There were still rods and lures in the living room when I came in and it seemed there’d been some kitty playing around too. He said they were afraid to come into the living room and one must ask why.

Hmm, I wonder if next weekend is the spring fling. It seemed like opposite that day on Sunday fishyman is going to take his first trip with the guys. Hmm. I’m really thinking it’s then next weekend. That would make it the 12th? Surely that must be confirmed somewhere. Not sure. I think last year we had CS, Marcia AND Bob, but this year not so much. CS said something about not being invited and Rich said not to invite Bob and Marcia because they were only doing it for a favor to us and I don’t think he wanted to push them like that. I don’t suppose it would be fair after turning down spaghetti dinner at their church. *sigh* I don’t know what the table arrangements would be or if CS really would have come. She’s getting better at driving and it would have to be where she drove down on her own. Maybe she could stay a night or two and then go back.

I’d just forgotten about the properness in that she said she hadn’t gotten an invite. I didn’t realize I was supposed to give one, but don’t see why I couldn’t. If she was interested though she could have asked about it.

Hmm, that was one possibility to is that we could give this quilt we’re finishing to the Spring Fling. Just don’t know if people would pay more than $40-50 and that feels really insulting … I think the thinking is that its better to just give it away. I feel like I’ve done something too in already have made a donation for Vince. I liked the idea a lot of the money going toward something for the garden. On the other hand maybe there would be something about doing a quilt regularly for the center. It would seem maybe odd we’d not supported them a second year? Just might be better to do it with money. We’ll have to think of it as we are finishing it. Linus or the center … I think we’re down to two destination places.

Hmm, we’re back to the quilting again … thinking were probably pretty much as far as we would like to be going for right now into the blog entry.

Maybe there could be a little free thought though too? So far we’ve been working off our “lotsa things going on” list. What’s left probably doesn’t need so much commenting.

We have always loved though the feeling of sitting here thinking abstractly.

Ok, finding the ice cream sandwiches wasn’t really what we meant when we said abstractly. Is that the best we can do?

Nothing on the book. Don’t wanna go there.

Kitties … discussed them? I guess were about business more than pure abstract. I guess we could think through … so after all this? How are we doing? Well we did feel a bit used over the weekend, not because we couldn’t or didn’t want to help, but just thinking it is nice when things happen back. I did feel that with the twins it happens, but not so much with my sister. I liked the older feelings we used to have where we were working on things more as a team.

I guess there is still team work involved, but it seems pretty much for her like I’m assisting her … maybe that isn’t very good as to quality of equality. I don’t really feel put down as if I’m doing a lesser part. I always feel like she appreciates my work … Just it’s hard to label. I guess in part – I still feel I’m being handled. Maybe it is a matter of boundaries and that I would feel better going into finish my project … I could do that?

It means we’d have to decide is it going to be our sewing machine or the new one for the girls. Hmm, maybe our machine. I’m really not looking forward to spending time with the other’s bobbin and I think it’s more like straight stitching this time, right? Let’s just go in there and get the job done. Linda would say that much for sure. Then maybe we don’t take ourselves down so much for what we don’t have, but what we do have within us.