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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

We're scared as Hell, but back

Hi Dr. Marvin,

This is me … I saw the you called last night and tried to call back but it was too late. I don’t know where to really start. You saw the note sister sent home through Rich last night. It’s pretty confusing. We talked … got yelled at by Rich last night and he’s still saying that I should go into work this morning. He is being civil to me mostly after that last night and this morning, but it’s pretty tense here. He has left for the day and as a majority of that is going to St. Rose Center. He expects to be fired. I don’t know that he won’t be.

The vertigo seems fine. We were affected by it on Friday and Saturday, we were not affected by it on Sunday or Monday. We made an appointment with Dr. Albright for follow-up, but we can’t get in there until 2 weeks from yesterday. The appointment is on October 3, at 3 pm. So that’s all we know there. Online says it can come or go … I don’t know if I have had a once in a life time bout or if it is also going to be a factor in all this.

I put a few dollars into a good car wash yesterday and I took my CR-V to a car wash and then on Maury’s advice because I wanted to sell it … I took it to CarMax to see what it was worth. They explained they don’t pay private or retail price – they pay wholesale and at that the vehicle is worth $12,500 … but to pay off the loan I would need $1750 more … It’s come down a bit and I have a week to figure out that price, but without the money coming in its hard to say I can afford to keep it or sell it. Rich said DON’T sell it as he was leaving the door. I know I don’t have to do anything today, but our honest thinking is that I can’t afford to pay for the car. If I make 4 more payments of $455, I will be able to make that match point of $1750 and earn for the car $70. The key then would be to not drive it for gas, insurance, vehicle sticker and iPass all that are now due. I couldn’t assure that CarMax would still pay $12,500 but at least I wouldn’t increase the mileage or take a chance of hurting it. I don’t know.

There are a few things if I weren’t working that I would still need the car for. I’d basically have to skip the WI trip, and then negotiate with Rich in coming to see you.

I put in a call on Friday and a call yesterday for that number you gave us for the Financial assistance. They basically say – be at a place we can call you back. I don’t know how backlogged they are, but we left our number. We don’t know things like could we apply for services now or would we have to wait until we’ve officially quit or been fired. If we quit officially we don’t think we’d get our vacation, sick or personal time. I don’t know when insurance would end … how we’re going to pay for you and the medicine … things like phone and cable might have to go like the car. I don’t know if people are any nicer if they just know you don’t have any more money or a job or when things start to go real wrong. Rich is saying he has to take the first $10 job any shift, but I know he’s still working out of anger. St. Rose pays his ex. Without that money he’s going to have to do something different. Just a lot in the air right now.

Maybe I have to do more reading on line about Medicaid, Medicare, disability and SSI or SSID … Not sure read a little yesterday … don’t know what is doing what yet clearly and how long we have to wait for it. Hopefully with you we could work out what our claim will be. If we could get an extra time with you this week it would be appreciated, but if you can’t I understand that too.

Please let me know.


Dear Dr. Marvin,

I called a number that is supposed to help with Medicaid – it was the Health Care Benefits Helpline at 866-468-7543.

They said my local number for 60513 zip was 708-338-7600. She said to explain to them that I wanted to apply for disability and that it would take a month for them to make a decision. It’s only 8:30 am though that the phone just rang and rang with not message so I figured I should try again to call at 9:00 am. Looking at things now it seems the number is for the DHS Office for Family Community Resource Center in Cook County – West Suburban and that its at 2701 W. Lake Street in Melrose Park, IL 60160 there directory ad said they receive applications for cash, SNAP, and Medical Assistance by fax, mail or in person

This is from my house A to that place B. My brain feels super cloudy. I know someone else of us would have to drive, but I think we have to make an appointment.

Rich turned off and on the computer when he got in and he brought out the sheets I had in the drawer documenting my work and other activities from the computer desk. I had tried to look at the computer last night but I’d frozen the screen. So he helped get me out of that. After the Sr.’s got back from church, Sr. Janet was back on the computer again. And Rich called me when she left for chapel, but I didn’t stay on for very long because it’s only a 15 minute service. I’m sure she’ll spend most the day back there. There’s a lot to discover about me on there, but she hasn’t according to recent documents opened up anything she shouldn’t be … as far as I can tell. After 12 years … there’s bound to be personal stuff. I’m ready for the sister’s to reclaim the computer and office.

The one thing she did was take the passwords off the computer so there is no distinction what I or Robyn or guest have on there. I had tested out the process and with time I can delete a lot of stuff, but I will do it overnight … It might take up to a couple hours just to get my scan soft things over. I probably have a couple hundred icons on the table top of the computer. I may or may not get to that. At this point I don’t care. The important part was that I get those sheets with my notes back – the ones over the last 6 months. There are things that they should give me if they went through the desks … a lot of garbage stuff but some good stuff like certificates and such.

I had already gone and taken most of our personal things out of there as to records … just there are some messy work drawers and 3 drawers with personal stuff in them. And, then there are all my books. Some of the folders – a couple sets of like 5 dozen I bought, but I won’t bother with that unless its an easy choice. Of course there are my stuffed bears. I took the medicine so I wouldn’t be so cloudy. Feeling pretty shook up though. I think Sr. Janet is actually having some fun with this because she’s got no investment in me and it would be natural to clean up and out before getting started. I’m pretty sure I was the top of her priority list.

I was up like by 2 in the morning and I couldn’t sleep for about 3 hours. First I went to the computer, but soon after I just laid on the couch and my thoughts were too racy to really catch up with them. Just going in and out of holes I couldn’t track. I had a bad nightmare before I woke up where we were part of “the Jewish experience” in being rounded up and trying to survive a “round-up” of people. We were with others first in a school, then in a house, and then in the back of a vehicle. I have to believe that our inability to get away was just getting less and less. There were some violent acts from what had to be Germans in that if they caught you doing something wrong you would be attacked like swung at from the back of their rifles. There was problems in holding onto things that might be worth money and items that might be eatable.

It would seem the dream is pretty direct in translation. I was just scared and feeling trapped and my world had been devastated. It feels like that at St. Rose too, but I find it pretty amazing that I could have a dream that was so directly related to the feelings of horror, persecution and upheaval from the live situation to the dream situation. I figured that it was a good idea to start my blog again.

I just got your email and feel appreciative for it … I would like to take the appointment time tomorrow at 8 am (Wed.) and I would really appreciate us checking in between appointments. I’ll leave it up to you to call when you get those available times. You didn’t comment directly on her verbal (written) warning, but maybe we can talk about that later. My brain is pretty fragmented this morning … I have by now taken our medicine. It’s going to probably be like this a while. Just confusing.

I tried calling that number above again … and it rang for 5 ½ minutes and then a message came out and said the person we were trying to get ahold of was busy or on another line, and then it disconnected me. I don’t think that is going to be a very good number and the service then seems terrible. I know I’m going to need working with this awhile.

We looked around more at the Medicare site, but things aren’t sinking in proper. I need some help … not sure what we’re doing …

Just need some help … maybe a little direction?