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Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Newest Dream 2737 Harbor Drive, Joliet

Hi Dr. Marvin,

This is just me Ann.  We're writing here and this will most likely end up in our blog, but it's 1:30 PM on a Sunday afternoon - we just took our afternoon medicine and trying not to obsess so much.  We've been here before, basically, we went with Rich and the Realtor yesterday and we found a place that both Rich and I would like ... two things though ... we would still have to be preapproved and we would need to get permission from the Condo association to put a chair lift out on the main staircase.  There would be just one other family using the stairs - not sure their age and status.  Basically, then I'm not sure if we are close to something or not ... just know that Rich and I've agreed on a house and would like to make an offer.  Just gotta wait to see the approval part and if we can put in the stair lift.

I will show you the link to the pictures ...

Isn't it a beaut!  There are only two bedrooms, but because the living room (fireplace) is so big that we'd be able to use the family room for our sewing room.  It would be sooooo perfect.  it is situated so that on one side of the kitchen table area is the family room and on the other is the living room. You can see that there is a dining room area in the living room too so I think we'd do very good in entertaining :)  AND, the window treatments are included too - there's also a laundry room :)  There's a couple very big what ifs though.

I figured our computer area would have to be in the family room too.  AND, Rich said we wouldn't get to put up all the shelves again ... We're dealing though.  I was less sure when he said he wanted to use space in there for his office (desk) too.  He can be pretty noisy on the phone ... we're still going to plug that he uses the dining room table for his business work - so there's some space from the telephone.  The arrangement works out really well because Rich's mother could be in the kitchen/breakfast area, but I wouldn't have to pay strict attention to her ... I could be on the computer or sewing "near enough to her, but also can have my ear phones on.  Give some sense of companionship without being directly connected - close enough :)  On the other hand ... since she likes the harder chairs - OR her wheel chair she can easily be in the dining or kitchen area and be semi-attached to anyone in the LR.  She likes to be at the table.  There is also a closed-in balcony that could suit as her space to smoke - directly off the kitchen.  We would get a heater and a fan that would help by sucking up the air.  Hopefully that would assist her from chain smoking.  It would have to be worked out.  I'm pretty straight forward here ... you smoke in the REGULAR house?  I take away the cigarettes until we get a commitment back to using the balcony.  Rich has in mind we can control the drinking so that it gets paced out like between 4-6 hours, but again we're way ahead of the horse here.  Just there is a lot of open communication talking about the what ifs of having a home and having his mother there.

I think one of the big things on my mind is that unlike Rich's brother, I would like to see Bud keeping the house.  It's still a 50-50 place between him and Rich's Mom.  That way as some of the anger dies down ... he could come and pick her up for dates and sleep-overs without the day to day struggle of being on each others last nerves.  That would give me and Rich some break too while hopefully making his mother's marriage more stable.  Maybe they would find more of the good times then the bad if they didn't have to take care of each other's major physical and mental problems.  I'm pretty sure that she would take down a bit with someone consistently caring for her.  

There still would be a lot of days go by that we would have to talk about her and us getting along - and the differences in Rich and our relationship.  I think the key factor to having her stay is a couple fold.  There is the part obviously that it allows us a better chance at getting a place, but also there is the strong connection between Rich and his mother and his needs to care for her, and then there is the part and there's another part about the anger I carried thoughout my life with my mother not accepting my father's mother to live with us so that instead she had to be placed in a home.

Maybe I didn't tell you that part official.  On Christmas Eve we had gone over there with Rich and his brother was there.  Bud did finally come home, but not until Friday - two days ago.  What it meant was that we had a peaceful night without any anger and aggression between the old folks.  I really believe without the alcohol that Rich's mother can be sweet - much moreso than Bud.  I'm not thinking at all though that she's clear from the problems between them.  She can get stuck in time and space, and on certain ideas and then there are the problems when she's mostly interested in herself.  I would hope that if we were living together and she'd notice me preoccupied otherwise that she wouldn't take on some more interest in us and our life because she'd want to talk ... I am also thinking that I still like a past idea we had and that when she got to the points of storytelling that we get on the computer and write as she talks to get down some of her stories.  It had struck me in one of my psychology courses that when people get old they sometimes lose their sense of being a worthwhile contributor in life ... and that I had thought before she remembered enough stories (her version) that they would be worthwhile taking down.  In  a sense we could create her own blog.  I'm thinking she's much more likely to do something like that then my Grandmother.  I really believe in the value of peoples life and think that everyone tells their own story.

That kind of thinking has put me in a more positive space, but in general we're feeling a lot more hopeful that it would work out with her around.  I think the biggest loss naturally would be in sharing Rich, but over the last five years I haven't minded when Rich engage with his mother - I think it's touching, though I've never been on one of the late nights where she's going off because of anger and heavy drinking.  I think I left off there before.  We had been at his mother's Christmas Eve and the question of her living with us came up again.  I think Mark was out of the room, but his daughter - Rich's niece - Crystal stopped over with her son (7 years) to give Rich's mother a shot ... I was thinking it was a vitamin, but she's learning to be a specialist in drawing blood.  But, anyway the question came up again of Rich's mom living with us and she said again no ... and then she said she couldn't live on the third floor, and then Rich and us turned the conversation that we would get something different that would accommodate all of us.  Then as simple as anything she said ... Oh, that be ok she would live with us then.  I had encouraged the conversation to include Crystal and the thought was ... would it be better for her to live with strangers in a nursing home or in a house that Rich and us would by ... At that time Mark came back in and with the whole little group it became of course ... it be ok and naturally she would live with us as if it had been a done deal conversation for years.  I think she'd just reached such a boiling point and that maybe it helped a lot with Bud being out so long in that she got more used to the steadier care between Rich and his brother and her.  Her needs were being me, she was having regular conversations - drinking on a lower steady basis and getting meals and such better taken care of.  Not all the nastiness of Bud - pressing on her did wonderful things for her.  I think that's what Rich and I could do for her.

AND, of course the part - that as much as i hate the way Bud treats her, I really believe without having him go through her drunken spells - having an out from the arguments and being able to still maintain their home that it would work out better for them.  I think after 35 years of marriage they really are the best people for each other ... just gotta give them some quality time so they can appreciate each other when they are together.  I really like the date idea - you installed with Rich and me and hope that would work out for them too ... I can't believe either has that many years, but it would be an ideal quality of life if they could enjoy these years together.  I think that Bud's kids - between the five of them would be able to give Bud some days to day support and we'd do that for Rich's Mom and then just they could have the special times - without so much to agonize over or to feel trapped with each other's bad stuff.  Rich says that he thinks his mother's life will be extended once she gets in a regular environment where people seem to like each other and aren't so negative.  

In all actuality I'm looking more forward than backward.  It seems that so much of the agony over these last years is that we couldn't do much to help the situation, but now we would be in the position to do that.  Of course Rich teases me for not being able to hang around naked, and he says we'd have to get dressed everyday.  Those are some bothersome areas, but might be more likely knowing we have a household.  I think things would have to be taken care of enough so that we could have drop in guests with Bud, his kids, Mark - Rich's brother and his kids, plus we'd always want open our kids stopping by - and maybe some day Rich's kids.  There is enough room in this environment that it could happen ... Somehow I'm thinking of having to keep a neater place will be good for all of us.  Somethings I would have to help more with ... like I think both Rich's mother and Bud share making of her bed.  When he's around she has him doing little things for her.  I would have to get used to some of that while saying also  that my life doesn't stop just because you had a new thought.  I think we'd get used to setting up our environments so that ... coffee would happen on time, we would eat our meals in the kitchen/breakfast area, and there'd be normal routines, with drinking, laundering, showering, and going to bed.  

One of the things that Rich noted was that when it came to his mother, that we would have to defer to his judgment because ultimately he has the most responsibility for her.  For the most part we agree, but we don't stop having a mind just because Rich isn't asking for our opinion.  For example, as much as I hate the smoking - we let her know that she could smoke outside (garage, etc), but not in the house.  Rich wanted to take away cigarette's altogether, but I didn't think that was fair.  Just in the common area we all live - NO SMOKES.  We figure that we'd be strong to say if she didn't follow the rules, we would take them away - AND put up with the arguing.  Maybe we'd just hide them out on the balcony.  She'd have to cope.  And then we'd have to cope when the negatives around it came up.

I've lived a whole live though thinking that it would have been the right thing for my mother to do during my grandmother's last years - would be to let her live with us.  We always liked my Dad's mom.  I think it almost caused a divorce at that point because my mother and father held such contradictory positions.  We all visited her once a week in the nursing home.  I think the quality and life line of Rich's mom would go down hill living in a nursing home, and I think Rich would never forgive himself for her level of being cared for.  He'd have to use all his time with her listening to her complain.  That's what had happened last time she was in a home for rehab.  

Can you tell we have a lot to talk about?  Rich left about 4 hours ago - it's 2:30 PM now and he won't be home until around 7 PM.  We got up with him and helped him wrap Jon and Chris' family's gifts and then he had to shop for a few things and he left for his mothers.  He just called a few moments ago to say he had left there.  He said that people still weren't talking to one another.  Lots of anger and hurt there.  He also said that the boys had been having problems and that Jon had tried to back out because he overslept - take in mind it was already 2 pm?  But, then he still wanted his dad to go out to Algonquin and bring him to his friends from high school - they do a four day sleep-over party in Chicago.  Yeah ok?  Then he asked his dad to bring him to Best buy so he could get a phone ... about then we were asking rich - umm where does Jon give in?  What's he doing to help himself?  It is frustrating with him because he's going the same way as Chris ... he still hasn't been over here and most likely won't ... not with me here.  To Rich's benefit he earned points with us yesterday.  While at the Realtor's he had talked to Chris and said he was going out with his Aunt, Uncle and Cousin last night - in Chicago.  Chris was like - hey I want in on that too.  We got to hear Rich said fine - but that his family (meaning us) would be there too.  Chris decided he didn't want to come ... like fine so be it!  Blah Humbug!

Anyway that is where Rich is now .. he's on his way to celebrate official Christmas with his two sons and Chris family.  Rich is really happy because along with getting his Grandson his first "Rich underware haul" he also got him a Cubs piggy bank.  That was a very nicely thought out gift.  He said he's going to recommend that only paper money go in there ... so I think that gives him a grandfather thing to do as in filling up the piggy bank when he is there.  Nice guy!

Plus, he didn't ask me to stay home so his son could bud into our plans.  WooHOO.. As to that it was a nice night - about 3 hours.  We met them at the Cheese-factory downtown Chicago.  It was a treat for us and we enjoyed the female company ... Rich's cousin Vicki and her Mom (Rich's Mom's sister) were on our end of the table.  I'm sure you have been there before it gets very crowded, but we only had to wait a half hour for seats.  Rich was in the middle and sitting closer to his uncle (met these guys at Jillian's wedding) and his cousins' husband Floyd.  These two are always taking in foreign exchange students for a semester at a time...  They are both soccer enthusiasts - Floyd used to coach - so that they usually take in boys who play soccer one of the current was from German and the other Rome.  We had enough conversation, but was really ready to leave when it was time we all finally got up.  We don't know each other personally just keep general track ... both Vickie and Diane are on FB so we see each other there.  AND, Vicki since we've gotten to know them has taken up quilting so there is that connection which is very fun.

Anyway that was that ... we did have something very good (appetizer) in Fried mac and cheese which turned out to be a crispy-coated ball with mac and cheese inside - there were four and was perfect to leave me room for a caramel cheese cake!  Nice!  Parking was really close so we lucked out there - though I think it cost Rich $20 ... that is never fun.  

I think that Rich's Aunt Diane was really almost startled to think that we'd let Rich's mother live with us.  They were the two who wouldn't speak to each other at Jillian's wedding ... I'll always remember them sitting back to back 3 feet from each other and both refusing to turn around to look or talk to the other.  Eh?  There problem, right?  Pretty sure you'd say that.  :)

I think we've taken on a lot of ideas from Rich in trying to help his mother ... We CERTAINLY don't have his patience, but it's been kinda fun the last few days ... he has been much more free to talk to us about her and has let down some of his defenses.  Mostly, I think he keeps remembering to tell me things that will help me to cope with her ... and to pre-warn me that this and that is happening.  I think it is good coaching and psychologically speaking thinking Rich is reaching new plains in trusting that I will be able to cope with his mother and that we'll be able to handle enough of our personality problems so that we can be acceptable to his mother.  Some of the things he says are a little surprisingly.  Like one of the things he wanted to warn me of was that his mother was sooner than later going to say ... you seem to be able to do things - why aren't you working.  We haven't come up with a pat answer from that.  

I suppose I could think of that a second.  The first word comes to my mind is my ability to cope with stress.  That might be worked into conversation with her in her trying not to add to Ann's stress.  There are the physical things that made working very hard, but I think mostly it was the emotional stuff.  We have never been able and it got worse in being able to hear Sr. Theresa's disgust in us.  I think that is something impressive of Rich's mother.  I haven't been there for the drinking bouts - middle of the night, but she's never conveyed disgust with us.  We worry about our invisibility and being just on call to her wishes, but I believe between you and me we can learn to put up healthy boundaries so she is encouraged to try more for herself and we have separate times together.  Maybe we will learn to say things like we can help each other, but she's got to give me 10-15 minutes to get to it.  I'm not going to be a housemaiden.  Basically, when I'm in my own house we'll be living our life too - we're not just here to serve.

Serving had been a big deal growing up and in our first starting to figure out what had happened to us at home growing up.  We felt we were not a real person, but someone to serve others, up to including the abuses.  Certainly that was't for my own well-being.  It was for their's and they're not having to come to grip with their own hostility issues.  Boy thinking now you are probably going to have you hands full with these new changes and learning to be around others more especially other than Rich.  I don't know what kind of pressures he's going to have to figure out either ... living with two of the women he loves most.  Only thing better than that would be if Rich's daughter stayed with the Three of us. Hehehe AND she had a baby girl!  THAT be dealing with a lot of women for Rich!  Ok, she's not pregnant just saying :)

Whoops there was a break hear ... I think we stopped to look at the other place or something like that and then got lost between dinner, football and a darn nice nap.  We're talking to Linda now and Rich should be home within about 10 minutes ... I guess we'll pick up from here later ... Hoping for good things to come :)

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas Morning


Tuesday, December 25, 2012 @ 6:10 AM

Good morning, good morning!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

This is us and this is our tree and we’re very happy it is Christmas morning.  Lot’s to talk about.  It looks as if it’s been a couple days since writing and for the most part we had last talked a little bit about having the kids come over.  Now this morning reading it again … and I feel bad there seems to be so much negative when the event was really very positive.  I think I just tend to worry about things that don’t seem to be perfect.  It’s a hard line to tow.  Please forgive me for this personality flaw.  I know we have to feel able to write whatever comes to our mind, but we really don’t intend to hurt anyone in the meantime. 

But, moving on … today is a brand new day AND it is CHRISTMAS.  The first thing about Christmas was that we woke up during the night – most likely to use the washroom, and we found ourselves sneaking into the living room.  There are THREE presents under the tree and we’re thinking one of them looks suspiciously like SOCKS!  That’s how you know if you are really IN Rich’s family because he gives everyone socks and underwear.  It’s just his thing and has been since the beginning of time.  Word has it … he gave his Grandson Jaxsyn socks and underwear too and the poor kid is just about 4 months old and we’re pretty sure those underthings are just going to have to wait.  Rich gave him a few other things too, but the fun gift was that he found a GREAT big Piggy bank dressed in Cubs gear.  Gotta love a Grampa with a sense of humor!  There was one bad thing there, because we told Rich’s Mom – AT THE APPROPRIATE time, that Rich had given his Grandson something very personal thought out.  Rich’s Mom then told him about when he was young and had a piggy bank with his brother and his father took it into the garage and smashed it so he could get money to go out and drink with.  BAH Humbug!  Not the kind of story that Rich deserved hearing.  BAH HUMBUG!

I’m SO not for that!

ANYway … that’s this year’s story about the socks and underwear.  This year Rich included Chris and Natti too in the his family Christmas tradition.  It should actually make them feel as good as it did us the first year we “made the grade!”

The other thing that we spotted was that someone had left a stocking.  We’re thinking it WAS just after midnight – so that worked out in our mind though Rich told us last night that when you get older all the toy gifts you might have gotten went down to your Grandchildren so they would enjoy Christmas like we have.  That makes sorta sense, but last night?  When we sneeked into the living room and saw our sock … there is a little furry thing with his head popping out the top of our stocking.  I’m not sure what it is yet … we know enough so that we can’t touch ANYTHING until Rich wakes up.

We have been busy though.  One of the things we had to do was clean up the mess by the Christmas tree, because SOMEBUDDIES cat tipped over the plant and so the water filled up three of the trays under the tablecloth full of water.  One of the trays was for our good markers, one was for a box of pins (sewing), and the other tray was for loose coins.  I’m thinking that they will be ok, because we’d just cleaned all that a month or so ago and I’m pretty sure that the markers were all capped tightly.  Even though they were sitting in a pool of water, they should be ok.  I didn’t try them at the time.  We did get a big towel and soaked up all the water.  AND we were happy because the water hadn’t spilled on the Christmas gifts.

We weren’t able to get Rich anything to wrap because we’d already spent $150 for him to buy the fishing rod and real and we’d spent $190 to have his fishy blanket quilted.  I guess then it totaled up to $340 and I knew we weren’t supposed to spend that kind of money, but there were so few gifts – just because those three things were so expensive.  Rich didn’t want to pick out a rod and real yet because he wanted to wait and see if he would get any special sales on them after Christmas.  It didn’t make the tree much fun. 

We did get his blanket which still needs a binding out and we set it on his chair.  And, THEN we made him some “coupons” which we placed all over the tree.  There were a lot of them for umm, playing around … Hehehe, but then there were massages, kisses, hugs, Ann stop being grouchy card, and even one card that said we would be a SUPER Ann all day which meant doing EVERYthing Rich told us without complaining.  Pswhoo.  THAT was a hard card to write!  I think what we were trying to convey was a little Ann cooperation!  The tree now looks like this:

But you can’t see ALL the coupon slips of paper … there are about one dozen of them J  Makes me feel better … Oh, there was one too for getting omelets made for him.  We barely EVER do anything cooking like so that was an especially good treat!

BUT, speaking of cooking … we did that this morning too.  It’s about 6:30 AM now, but we’d woken up just before 5 AM and remembered that we were supposed to have made Jell-O last night.  I think it is going to be ok, but we did have to make it right away because we are supposed to be at Maury’s at 1:30 PM today.  I sure hope it sets.

Hmm, we just got some fresh coffee and checked the Jell-O.  I’m not sure if its doing what it is supposed to do, but we did check the side bowl – the big one had too much in it and that one already tastes good.  The big one is in our very large popcorn bowl and it is pink frothy type of Jell-O on the top and on the bottom the Jell-O is more clear and red.  I think al the raspberries are hiding in the pink part, but I’m not sure that it will stay the same or all turn pink frothy.  It is setting … just it’s all supposed to be pink … it hasn’t set all the way yet.  The ingredients to this special kind of family-made Jell-O are a couple packages o raspberry Jell-O, and then three small pints of raspberries, and then ½ gallon of vanilla ice cream.  REALLY hope it works out, because I’d like to give the Granddaughters something they will like that is new to them.  Besides if it doesn’t work out … it is going to maybe make a mess in the car!  Let’s hope THAT doesn’t Happen!

It was kind of splashy when we poured the mix from the pan to the bowl, so we had to clean everything up after.  There was Jell-O on the cupboard, counter, coffee pot … ALL over the sink AND US!  Pswhoo.  Who would have known it would be so splashy!??

Because we were being such a good Ann, we also emptied the kitty litter without being told, and we loaded and started the dishwasher.  It’s just finishing drying now.  SEE – SUPER ANN!  I sure hope he uses that coupon today because we’re giving him some of our “best stuff!”  HMPF!

Hehehe … Merry Christmas World!!!

Is that pretty much of the morning so far?  The kitties were just in here playing.  I think the retribution on our flowers this morning was that we’d gotten so busy with the Jell-O that we forgot to turn on the sink so Chief could have water from there.  They WERE very naughty this morning!  AND, it’s on CHRISTMAS!??

I wouldn’t have done that for nothing!

Let’s see now … anything happening over the last couple of days?  I think we wrote into the afternoon on Sunday … but, I’m not sure if we started then or into Monday, but I think it started on Sunday.  One of the things that had happened on the Garvey Christmas Saturday was that Austin had been looking at all of our pictures flashing every different minute on the screen and he’d seen one of the pictures that contained one of our mind maps AND he’d asked what it was.  We told him we couldn’t remember the name and that we’d send it to him – now we’re remembering that the name was pearltrees.  I can’t remember if they cost us something because when we go to it goes automatically to our account – basically when that screen opens … we see.

And then when that gets opened up just a bit … we see …

Do you remember this stuff?  Obviously the tree grows around the center “pearl” which in our case is newsdidmpd, and then after that you just add and add.  It was one of the most SUPER memories from the Saturday Christmas party – is the part where Austin recognized it as something interesting from just looking at it for that moment.  BUT, in trying to recall which Mindmap we were using … we found ourselves over the last couple of days doing more exploring trying to find the map that could give you the most and the littlest cost.  Some of them are used in business and so can get pretty pricey.  I’m thinking we might not have paid for pearltree, because on that initial screen we just showed you, there was an advertisement for becoming a premium member.

It looks like the Premium version cost $4.99  per month or $49.99 per year.

AHA!  Rich is UP!

Ok, ok … just a little later … we’ve been just kind of hovering over our life for the last period of time.  It is now 10:25 AM.  It has been a VERY good Christmas morning … we’ve got our sweetie … enjoying the stressless morning and going to visit some of our Grandchildren!


The Garvey Christmas :)

(sorry for only one picture - I have to ask Nikki to send the others, BUT this one is Rich, Austin and Us!!! :)

Sunday, December 23, 2012 @ 1:04 PM

Afternoon J  Just us.  We finished writing a note to Linda and hopefully that takes some of the bejeebers out of us.  We went to bed very tired last night and had then woken up with the kitties this morning at about 6:30 AM, but then fell asleep again.  I can hear in the background Rich dipping into the sleeping dust himself.  That football game in the background isn’t fooling me!  Silly Rich.

After everyone left last night I dropped on the couch and felt all the achy things on my body, but Rich was pretty sure we should help clean-up before getting settled.  I know that was a good idea and the place really wasn’t bad … just needed to throw-out some cans and pick-up a few dishes.  I was glad that really got done right away.  Nikki had tried to help earlier before she left, but we felt strongly she shouldn’t do that – although I appreciated the attempt.  My thoughts are with the six of them all needing to move at the same time, she would have to spend her effort there.  I do so much love the big family!

Yesterday was the big Christmas party event for our family.  There were some things that were very nice and a few things not so nice.  I feel very guilty for holding negative feelings and I can’t really blame others for the same if I’m doing that too.  While getting ready for the event, we hadn’t been having negative feelings and we’d forgotten about problems that occur when having Maury’s family with Joe’s – although there is just the two of Joe – both him and Cari.  Laura’s family being there helped to really smooth out that situation.  I know I’m going to hear about the problems from Maury and they are going to relate to just a few things.  Without getting negative, Cari didn’t really involve herself in the big group, and she isolated herself with Isa … which then took Isa out of the big group too.  The other part of that problem is that Maury and Nikki don’t like to see her babied like she was being done last night because like when she is with her mother – it puts her toward feelings of insecurity and neediness.  I think that was the biggest problem, but my kids are very honest they will tell me if there are other problems.  Maury being the more vocal of the two. 

The bigger group was interested in cards and we were really hoping that kind of magic could happen again.  But, without Cari’s interest in a “group thing” then I felt more pressure that Joe should be joining in.  When push came to shove other than Joe wanting to isolate more on the computer, he also didn’t want to contribute money to playing Black Jack 21.  Not sure if that’s the real name.  After finding out he wasn’t using his money for gambling he was ok … and then by the end had won a couple of dollars and he then gave that to a couple of the kids not playing.  The bigger game didn’t seem as big as it had been the first time, but after it started – the males dominated the game and I was reminded how much fun it was to have the brothers interacting and I liked the affect that it had on Austin and Ame – though have to admit that Austin wasn’t sure his Uncle Maury was so nice after he’d taken over the dealing of cards.  Austin pretty much figured out that Maury was all about personally winning – he’s ok with not, but really does like the competition.  He’s pretty much of trying to teach the kids about “going for it.”  Maury wouldn’t ever “cheat” someone to win, but he is going to try teaching about how to play games in the real world.  Honesty plays big in our family.  The boys get their game playing from their father and I think the boys learned some hard lessons for it.

I don’t know what anyone has said about the play-out part before the event.  We got most of the living room, and any big picking-up done the day before, then Yesterday morning we wrote a to-do list that was about a page long, but they were smaller easier things.  One of the things we forgot was to take the new ice out of the bag, but MOST the things happened and included things like finishing Austin’s tabs, setting the table, and getting the white load done.  We’ve just got one load of laundry left – Rich’s better shirts, but other than that we don’t usually get too far behind.

Rich has spent many nights with his Mom and that included Friday night.  Fortunately, he was available most of Friday which meant the shopping got done and things happened with the banking and food.  Rich is very good at getting out and getting a LOT of things done on time – in one big sweep.  With my family it was mostly cards and money, but he got his kids the things too that weren’t being shipped to them directly.  He also picked up for his mother, brother, nieces and grandnephew.  I’m proud of him this year for including so many.  At one point just before dinner, Rich’s daughter had called to say that her grandmother was drunk again and then it became a big thing for Rich to decide whether to go back again.  He wanted her to not drink, but she had her household help pick up some booze and deliver it to her.  Bottom line was that neither Rich or I wanted to take a chance that something could happen to her because of the drinking.  So, he left just after our dinner and got back again at 6 AM yesterday.  He took a couple hour nap before getting started, and then we gave him a 20 minute rub-down to get him in the mood for getting up.  Hehehe not sure how that works though because he actually likes lying in bed for just a little bit more and more.

After he got up, and got coffee - I read him my to-do list of what had been done and what I needed to do.  I think he really appreciated that I was taking care of all the cleaning and setting-up so that allowed him time to concentrate on dinner.  I think he had to go out for something – and then ended up one more time because he wanted a bigger cutting board and a good knife – he was thinking of the future, but directly for something to handle the ham.  He’s such a hard worker in the kitchen.  I think people liked the dinner – there was no complaints … not a lot of positive, but that seems apropos in that it was the same for the gifts.  I think that Laura and Mike were the only ones that said a real thank-you for their gifts.  Mike actually came and talked to me one-on-one and I felt that was incredibly special.

I would like to think that we don’t do things for the thank yous, but they are still nice to get.  The gifts were open at the same time and I couldn’t focus on watching people open the cards.  I feel bad that I didn’t get to give more in the gifts.  It seems kind of funny, but in general the amounts that we were giving out, we’re about the same as the amounts we were getting back.  Well, maybe not quite as much, but fairly close.  Maybe the group of us is all at about the same income level Hehehe.  Rich took Thom and Duyen’s Christmas cards with him, and he will get stamps when he stopped at the grocery store and then mail them before he gets home.   Although they weren’t big gifts I was grateful to have what we did and we really have to say thank-you to our mother for giving us money this year which made the purchases able to happen. 

I liked also being able to give some quilting things … It wasn’t a very blustery exchange, but I think people will like the gifts - I don’t know what they will do with them, but we added the options so they could use them for wall hanging or for blanket.  I hope I did good with that … didn’t seem like too much a big deal.  Again, I don’t think I need all that, but it was hard to read the situation as to how people felt toward them because there wasn’t much reaction.  In my heart of hearts I think they are appreciated and I’m going to feel good about them.  Never able to do enough for the people you love.  I know you know that feeling.

I wasn’t so sure that I liked how things settled out with the dining arrangements.  Laura was able to settle Austin down away from the adult group, but then Jade and Jasmine needed to bring in chairs and then competed for adult attention so there wasn’t as much adult to adult interaction.  I think for the distance between Maury and Joe’s family over the last several years, that it went pretty well.  Having a neutral part – with Laura and Mike helped, although I’m sure Joe and Maury will always be cordial – it’s just that sometimes they get things stuck in their heads and then there is the propensity to distance themselves from conversation.  I was really glad when Joe decided to join the group.

I think Austin was watching the way people interacted and how people were betting.  It surprised him that Joe could take such big chances with his money, but Joe pretty much went into it feeling that he was either going bust quickly or would win big.  He turned out winning as mentioned before.  What really made the game this time – both Maury and Mike had brought chips and thought it better to do that than money, but especially nice to keep the kids focused, Mike had brought $2 bills and they made it so that whoever had $3 of chips would receive a $2 bill, and if they had $4 of chips, they would receive 2 - $2 bills.  That seemed to work out well.  None of the kids became big betters, but Joe playing the game and taking more risk encouraged the others to do so as well which turned out to be a fun thing to have done.

I think the game was more lively when Maury had taken his turn dealing, but it’s because Maury is more interested in setting up good competition, especially between the individuals and the bank.  There was also a side-conversation happening especially between Mike with Laura and Austin.  Basically, Mike was giving betting advice to the other two, but when they went on their own, they were able to be a little more innovative with their betting.  Austin came down to saying that whatever Mike told him he was going to do the opposite.  It might have been Maury saying – teasing that Mike was playing the house which was not necessarily in the players benefit.  I know that Mike was really trying to help out, but it seemed the cards were falling against his logic.  It was a fun interaction to watch.  

We did try to get across with the women especially that the money that we’d given them – although small was to go to them and not their kids.  They are a tough audience there.  I wanted to make sure they understood that their kids had gotten money too – so they had to do something special for themselves.  The guys got a little more – in a gift card to take their families out to eat.  I hoped that was going to happen.  I know Mike said something special as to where he was going to take Laura and Austin.  When it came to the 2013 dinner arrangements with the kids – we found some liked McDonald’s, some liked other fast food chains, and that some would like someplace different.  We’re really sure that’s going to happen, I just have to be pro-conscious about getting some times down where things work out for all.  I’m so looking forward to that and it seems the best really of the gifts we were given.  I’m so looking forward to getting to know each of the kids independently.  I have no problem with taking Austin out with Laura until we get more used to each other, but we’re thinking here that Laura has special needs in handling some of Austin’s disability. 

I think we had said something previously about Austin being pushed to leave his game after someone had said it had been the last picture and he declared she was breaking the rule.  I admire that kind of thinking in him.  I know things like that get a little pushed in black and white thinking, but we are only able to guess whether that is more the Asperger’s or even more like being his father’s son.  Thom always regarded the rules very seriously too.  I think we were closer to being Thom’s mom and had tried harder to prevent the thinking, but that hadn’t been realistic for Thom.  I think Laura is doing a good job and trying to help Austin be more flexible, but we were also glad when Nikki taking pictures and us being in the picture was able to think out loud – yes, it was us that had broken the rule – just made.  I felt just as happy to have Austin in the picture as not smiling, because it stood for me him standing up for himself. 

There’s not a one of these kids that I don’t just love and love.  Each has his or her own particularities, and even though there is a big disconnect between Joe and Maury’s the stronger part of them I believe likes to be together.  Maybe not Cari, but I don’t think even she appreciates the boys had always been strong with one another as brothers.  Thom not being here wasn’t a big problem and didn’t really come up, but we’d had thoughts of him during the event.  I think it would have been hard for him to sit down at the adult table with so many at the table, but I’ve seen him “work” a table too.  He’s just so funny … he also would have added to the card game with the others … Thom has a way of grandstanding a bit too that sometimes put his brothers off, but sometimes they all roll with it and it’s so hysterical to watch.  I’m thinking as long as Mike and Thom get a long and I hope for Austin’s sake they always do – that Mike could have a good time with the three brothers too.  When Maury wasn’t as reserved as he was last night – like before – the first time with Mike and Laura – it just seemed the Mike and Maury got a long so well – and because they are both with kids, it seems they are both able to appreciate those extra dynamics and work with those involved.  Mike would probably be the gentler of the two, but he holds a strong line in reasoning things out that I don’t think much gets past him.  Maybe everyone was a little more on guard last night.

I had fun being me, but we’re not the type of mother/grandmother that likes to be the center of attention.  It was a little problem when I thought we really did need to say something to the whole group in making sure the kids understood the dinner arrangements, but it was hard to get feedback, so we’re not sure if we were making ourselves clear – and it seemed like a negative in trying to get everyone’s attention, because by then there were more things going on like we’d just finished dessert and everyone had gifts and there were a group watching a few play the computer game Joe had set-up.

Thinking we’ll have to figure anything else past this on another day, because this entry had stopped for SOME reason – God only knows and now it is Tuesday, Christmas morning and we’re going to want to do that one – a new entry.  *Smiling faces!*


For later...

mind map
David Allen 

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Linda - what would I do without you!??

Wednesday, December 19, 2012 @ 9:38 AM

To Linda this morning …

Hi Girlfriend. We're guessing you are up, but getting things done. I've been up for about an hour and just talked to Rich. He's still at his mother's ... he said it was a rough night she was up about 4 times during the night ... allowing him just one hour sleeping periods. There was some wine in the house, but Rich said that he would empty the couple of bottles so there was only one drink left. He said she was yelling and screaming all night ... we're back to her thinking that she wants to live in a nursing home, but does not comprehend her not having alcohol or cigarettes. It seems to be a non-ending battle. No word from Bud or Karen - assuming that they got some sleep. Rich had things for work he had to do like deliver some product. He thought she'd sleep until about noon, but then she got up towards the end of the short conversation, so he had to go. Not sure what all will happen with the day, but Rich said he'd stop by around dinner and that he wanted to take me out for dinner. We were like no ... we are ok, and he didn't have to do that, but then he said that maybe HE had to go out for something nice. We couldn't argue that point. *sigh*

We went to bed after we'd talked to you last night. Not much there. We really do have to have a productive day in the sewing room today. Not ready for that now ... it's just after 9 am. We're thinking that we might need to do an alternative plan with the kids - maybe go out to dinner instead of having things here. It is not the same kind of deal, but if Rich doesn't have enough time to cook because he's out with his mother, then we'd still get a chance to have dinner with the kids. It might be strange, but we'd arrange to have it in our Mexican place. They seem to have enough room easily for a party of 13. That would take some of the pressure off. We'll talk to Rich about it tonight. It would come out of our dinner out with the kids budget. We'll have to see ... just too many questions out there yet. Rich was saying that his brother called last night and that he was not going to be able to "come home" to that sort of thing again. He doesn't see how his own boisterousness adds to the complication, but he's right that she's not real fit to stay with. He ran into the same stuff Rich does or Bud that she over drinks and then just yells and yells. I know same story ... over and over again. But, it puts more pressure on Rich as the only one that is dealing with his mother.

I also worry because Karen is now handling their finances and it’s clear that she’s going to protect her father without regard for his mother. It seems unconscious able that she just left her in whatever state she was in without waiting for Rich to get there. It just seems like a dangerous thing to do. Sometimes I think I should be doing more in taking time to be with her, but then Rich is careful too not to put us in a situation of her being drunk with me and yelling. He knows we don't do anger well. It keeps me in a light-weight position, but again Rich is in charge of all that ... and we're not pushing to be in that position either. I feel my job is to be Rich's advocate ... and I'm afraid he has to deal with her as she is. It's sad, but the way it is.  He really loves her a lot no matter what.  She IS his mother.

So that pretty much catches us up. I'm thinking it’s going to be a shopping day for you, but I didn't recall on the sewing ... seems you wanted to get at least a couple of rows done. It seems admirable. We have to fight our preference to be doing the ironing instead of the sewing. The sewing is more pressure some. We did talk to Dr. Marvin yesterday which was very nice. We talked primarily about the two things of what was going on with the house, and then what was happening with the ironing and sorting. There was more to it than that, but right now we're just remembering that tears were falling as we talked. I don't think we ever stopped to "just cry", but it kept happening as we or he talked. I think we're dealing with a certain amount of depression. There is the one part about not being able to get the house, but as well, we are dealing with a lack of belief in our relationship with Rich. Basically, we're going over a sense of hopelessness with him making any real commitment. We're talking the 15 years of being a mistress and that situation stopping not because he chose, but his wife did as to him leaving, so he THEN came to live with us, it then continues in not getting married, not getting a house, and then not having a planned future like financially through insurance or whatever that I could survive without him. To me when we get into all this it feels very bleak.

There's another part of that that we have to deal with what we started in discussion with him last week in that we have the same entitlement feelings as we've claimed CS to have. Basically, without doing anything in particular to contribute, we are expecting him to take care of us, rather than coming up with some alternative plan to take care of ourselves. Right now it doesn't seem that we are getting past a $1450 monthly credit for our life. If Rich weren't here we'd still be responsible for $900 rent, plus electricity, food, etc. The money doesn't go very far and it seems obvious that we'd have to move. It be a matter of would someone let us live with them of the family. The options are the boys, mother, or CS. I'm not thinking any of those situations are immediately doable. My mother would mean craziness and leaving the area, CS would be craziness, but staying in the general area - and the money would have to go toward refinishing their basement if they would have us. With either Joe or Maury - it would mean intruding on their families, and most likely giving them the majority of the money so they could get into a bigger place.

I don't think being in this area we could rent for much cheaper. I don't know maybe there would be one bedroom apartments, but we're still thinking $600-700. And, sooner than later we're going to have to deal with school loans. UGH.

Ok, you can see where this is going - not very far into something positive. I think we go through this every upset of looking at places that would be more permanent where Rich would insure the place being paid if something happened to him - or for that matter us. I don't know in general pretty depressing. Thinking we're writing enough of our thoughts, that we are going to take this entry and include it as a blog entry. Yup-yup that's about where we are at.

AHA … about this time Linda signed on … so we should find out where she is going with her life this morning.  She’s getting coffee now.  It’s taking her a while, maybe she’s catching up.  We left her a LONG note to be reading.

Hmm, now it’s a while later … almost 11 AM.  It’s very wonderful to talk to Linda through IM’s – just an out and out good experience.  We generally keep up with other’s lives, encourage forward, and before organizing the day in front of us we have a few good laughs – sometimes even about ourselves.  Can’t overdue our own ability to look at selves with humor – EVEN after we’ve been grouchy.

Linda’s day includes shopping, maybe meeting with a friend and sewing.  Our day includes a little more writing, then going to the sewing room, and then maybe bringing Maury to his place – his van will stay overnight for servicing.  Ahh just talked to Rich and he’s probably now pulling up in the parking lot.  He said we’d be back from dinner in time to take Maury home.

We’re back … It is now about 12:15 PM and we’re just out of the shower.  We’ve been talking to Rich for about an hour, and then we jumped in the shower, and now it is his turn.  He smells terrible – happens every time he’s at his Mom’s due to her smoking.  I thought he his lips smelled so gave him specific instructions on cleaning them … Hehehe.  Yes, I’m sure he appreciated that.  He likes to remind me that the first dozen years he was with me, WE smoked.  Oh Lordy, we just couldn’t have smelled that bad *GULP*

We talked mostly about his mother.  Same picture over and over … she drinks/smokes, yells & screams.  Last night he said she got back up to scream four separate times.  They are still talking about her going to a nursing home, but she’d not be able most likely to drink and smoke, and that always seems to slow down the process.  Plus there are all the financial and legal things between her and her husband, so nothing really happens fast.  Both Karen for her father, and Rich for his Mother deal with things the most.  God Bless’m.

Rich wants to go out to dinner with us about 1:30 PM.  No problem there … I don’t like the plan where we then lose him the rest of another night.  No telling where Bud and his daughter are at.  But and her are taking off on their own when they don’t want to deal with Rich’s Mom and then he is called no matter what he has to do otherwise, especially for work.  It seems fair that each’ son or daughter is taking care, but Bud has five kids to take care of him, and Rich’s Mom has just one.  Mark, Rich’s brother was reached yesterday … he drives truck cross-country and is now saying that he can’t emotionally stay with his mother when he gets home for Christmas.  It seems then Rich isn’t getting any break.  But, the way it is going … Bud and his daughter Karen are now in charge of all the money matters.  That’s not looking good for Rich’s mother.  We’re still angry that they both left her alone because Rich couldn’t get out of his game he was officiating.  It’s his work!  It’s just really scary stuff.  Rich is more trusting then we are … just think that Rich should be protecting his mother legally.  Ok, that’s enough of that.

Too much stress.

Next thing I guess … we won’t have enough time to sew before we go … actually, we might, but I want to be here in the living room when Rich gets out of the shower so we can be spending some kind of time together.  While we were in the shower he put on a TV show and we’re not crazy about that idea at all, but I know it relaxes him – so be it.  He put it on pause and I’m sure he’ll finish it before we go out to eat.  I’m not sure if it had been taped, but seems to be now.   

We did talk to Dr. Marvin … and I think we discussed this before, though some of the discussion might have been with Linda between writing sections of this note.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Both the Ups and Downs - both major

Tuesday, December 18, 2012 @ 12:01 PM

Good morning or better yet afternoon.  We just set-up our second set of pictures over the last week that hasn’t been explained … we don’t have a lot of time for these explanations, but we wanted to get something down before hopefully another Dr. Marvin appointment in the next couple of days.  We also are thinking at this time we might show him the pictures so that he understand better our thoughts and then it would be easier in our talking to him of the feelings of loss and gain.  So first – I know that we are the ones looking at the pictures as we’re writing, but maybe you could do a duplicate set of screens for AMWP or better yet … just remember the general flow of what is happening.  We’ll start with the sorting part first.

The first picture is a bin with a great amount of fabric pieces stashed in it.  The pieces from this bin came from Linda, but we have similar bins with the other Linda, Connie Sue and my Grandmother.  The first thing we do in this process of our quilting and making use of the material is to take a pile out and then using our iron (see second picture), we make stacks of fabric from uncrumpling, ironing, and then placing in a pile according to size.  There are the pieces that can be folded in a 6” x 6” pile (see third picture), and then I’ve been making about 4” of piles and then bundling them.  There was at this point not much other sorting … we were just stacking.  (See next picture of bin) … the thing is that we needed more order … you can see the bins are big and we have 9 of them to go through and for the pieces to be utilized later in quilts or applique, there had to be more order into the system. 

The next sign accurately says “We’re not crazy – we are mentally unrestricted!”  This is about how we were feeling about the process.  I’m pretty sure most people would think of this as a somewhat crazy project … I mean scraps?

Soooo, what came next was that we figured that we needed a way to sort the fabric by color or other and that after a LOT of looking and comparing and reading reviews … we chose the 10 drawer sorter that is pictured (see next – to the left of the Christmas tree).  We had gotten a gift from my mother in cash and we decided that Rich would have $150 - $75 from me and $75 from my mother, and then we’d also get the same and this was going to be for our major Christmas gift.  Rich wants his gift to be a rod and real – which we’re all good with and for our gift we are taking it to be the 10-Drawer sorter AND the Jinny Beyer fandeck!  WooHoo … plenty to play with for Christmas morning too!

When we were arranging to purchase a set of drawers we did some careful measuring and thought there would be plenty of space in front of the electronics cords (see next picture) and that it would look much better in the process.  (See next picture) This is how that corner looks now.  It was touch and go as to the getting process, but fact is this is where the new drawers are sitting … and yes it was a good idea to give Rich back his credit card number.  *sigh*

So now the process is the same as to stacking and piling, but then we sort in colors and we’ve labeled each of the drawers to be taking in most of the colors we find.  For those really mixed up there is a “odd colored pieces” drawer at the bottom.  (See next three pictures)  We feel very confident in the drawers and believe the system to really work.  The drawers are on wheels and so we can pull them out or leave them tucked away.  Not only do we have drawers for each color – we also sort the colors from light to dark.  You can see the stack on the yellow/orange drawer is lighter (background fabric color and th stack on the left is the darker colors.  The drawers are about 10” x 12” x 3”.  The smaller pieces are in the front two stacks, and in the back are the 6” x 6”s.  THEN…

The next step to the project – AFTER the pieces have been sorted, are to get them to either the white canvas shoeboxes hanging in the closet (half seen in the next picture) or get them to the pink shoeboxes above our cutting table in the sewing room.  The white canvas is for putting the 6” x 6” blocks, and the pink boxes are for the smaller pieces.  We have some work to do here in further processing, but again the final result is that we have pieces that match and can go into scrap quilt building.  We also have (see next picture) the four drawers of fat quarters.  I think mostly the fat quarters are relatively small and the white canvas are for a bit bigger.  Right now the fat quarters (greens and blues shown in the drawers) are a collection from my sister and helped to put together my mother’s quilt. 

The next picture is the Jinny Beyer fan deck.  We are going to try using this in our matching of colors so that we can gauge the proper order of things – that work out.  For me … I look at just some of these blues (see next picture) are all mixmatched, but the reality is that our eyes skim over them like eye candy.  We love how it works in our mind.  A lot of our scraps have more white or more colored prints within the fabric, but then the fan is more as a first ranging of things in order.  Like to me this particular fan deck is showing a lot of what seems muted colors but then there are a few brighter blues.  We need to learn about hues (colors) and then the way colors … forget the words, but basically show different intensities.  Like with JB I would have never thought to put a light blue – (see top of fan picture) with the others, but it seems to make the others … I hate this word, but “pop.”  I love JB. Quilts for their ability to be so visually outstanding.  I hope to do a lot more of that kind of work in our future. 

The next picture is of Jillian’s Christmas gift.  She is now a Lucero … her picture is of a set of three wedding rings and symbolized for me not only her marriage this year, but that there family was now of three because of Nattie.  It really is an excellent family and looking forward to knowing more of what is going on in their lives.  Mostly I think though Rich is the one that hears from his daughter and they talk more probably in private, but we did want to remember her this year in a small way and like so many other gifts – this year we are really working on applique.  The last picture is of the cats.  This shot struck us as funny because we’d been working so hard at organizing that it gave us the thought of sorting them out by baskets too.  We were also struck that Missy was playing with the WHITE fabric softener and that it had a “color” index of its own.  For as much as we are getting into colors again … It was a statement being made … I don’t think Missy is as interested in colors as we J

I’m going to need a little break here though … It’s now 1 PM and we’re going to take our medicine and jump in the shower.  We’re going to be leaving for Dr. Marvin’s at 2 PM for an early 3 PM appointment.  Rich has a roast on that will be ready when we get back, and he said that he won’t be home until around 7:30 PM.  Yes, you probably don’t know this yet, but we are FINALLY starting to talk to him again.  He’s been way deep in the dog house over the last couple of days and this reflects activities of the second set of pictures looking at houses.  Yes, you could probably guess that didn’t go so well, but that will be the next hours’ discussion.  BRB.

Ok, shower is done and popcorn is in the micro.  Rich came home which was a good thing because it was only him knocking on the bathroom door.  He wasn’t so happy we simply asked, “Who is it?” He was like were you expecting someone else?  No no … just being polite.  Hehehe.  We were pretty sure a mad rapist wouldn’t have knocked.  Not sure where he is now at his day, he hadn’t planned coming home.  I think something went wrong, but it doesn’t seem to be too major … he was making a sandwich for his lunch.  Hmm, he sat down in back … I guess he’s still in his business mode.

Hmm, not too much time now to talk about the house.  We had showered, taken our medicine, eaten our popcorn, and gotten dressed.  Just now have to walk out the door in a half hour. Hmm, add find phone – another 4 minutes L  Grrr… Kept walking past it on my sewing table.  That’s where we looked first.  Fortunately it was still charged and we found it from using Rich’s phone to call the number.  HMPF!

Trying not to be grouchy … feel a little bit like that.  Just 23 minutes left.  Feeling a sense of panic for not being able to stay at home doing what we want.  Scrolling over to the Plano Townhouse pictures makes me want to cry because we now know that it is an impossible deal with Rich.  He’s planted firmly on it not being a place with stairs.  You might have caught me already complaining about that.  The pictures show first the town houses in general – their general overall appearance.  Then there is a diagram with the houses pictured.  The house was their model house so it is in an ideal location away from the others a bit with a big parking lot next to it.  There are four places in the building.  Also if you look at it closely you can see the ponds and in particular that it is surrounded by baseball fields.  That was one of Rich’s ideals.

The third picture is what the unit looks like.  One unit is the two car garage, (one master bedroom window over that), and then you see two doors each going to separate residences.  The window over the door (on the left) is over the hallway area – it is very open.  The next thing is the floor plan.  You can see that it has in general 6 rooms … we knew we had to stay fairly small for Rich to be happy.  One of the rooms is a loft which is what made us the HAPPIEST!  It was a decent size and had the laundry on the second floor along with two baths so Rich and I would have each had our own – and then the 2nd bedroom would have been the real sewing room.  The loft has a build in desk – you’ll see further down and above the family room is open so across from some really beautiful spindles and mahagony railing you can be with people downstairs, but not at the same time which would have been optimal for Rich and us and kept my “fray” away from the living space.  We had thought through enough so that we would have left the ironing board out by the railing so that we could be there and with Rich at the same time without crowding us and giving me space away from the TV.  You’ll see a picture of the loft desk which is a built-in … it’s sooo beautiful … Rich would have continued doing his work from the dining area, and we would have had the upstairs for our computer.

There is no fireplace, but at this point inconsideration of fabric smells we’re thinking that might be a bit of a positive.  The dining room and living room area isn’t big, but it is very comfortable and open to a very generous kitchen with 42” cabinets.  All the $5000+ utilities stayed as well as we could have chosen for a low cost any of the furniture or other belongings in the house for the price.  The asking price is $95,000 – which we felt very comfortable with … Because it was a builder’s model it had many upgrades including even a sound system piped through the house.  The house is built on a slab, so there is no extra storage, but you have a 2 car garage and I’m not thrilled with the thought of a basement being flooded.  I know could be a first floor and that would be rare, but somehow basement space is still underneath space.  Someone would have to really have done a good job – with REAL walls for me to be happy with it.

If you can follow the pictures (see under) you would have seen the nice shades of yellow and green which match our furniture.  It has a nice door going out the back – and a slab for BBQ.  The master bedroom isn’t real large, but it is as big as our bedroom, but has a walk in closet and private bath … It also has the gorgeous window with the arch – AND fan … and lets mention again … laundry upstairs next to the master bedroom. 

We’re looking at the time and understanding that a decent conversation can’t be completed with just 8 minutes left.  So maybe just a general impression and then the rest we’ll work out with Dr. Marvin and then hope to write after that.  The real impression is a feeling of devastation.  Not only in losing the house, but in losing our belief in Rich.  We’ve gone through so many things like this with him in both houses, but as well in being able to be a legitimate couple – him getting divorced, or us not getting married, or covering us financially either now or in the future, especially if something happened to him.  It is such a sinking feeling knowing that no matter what we want … we’ll never get it and that he’s not capable of providing much better for us.  Even the apartment that we’re living in – is my apartment.  And, even though we’re not working contributing, we’re still putting $1400 a month into the pot.  I know it’s not enough, but it is enough to cover most my expenses.  So he’s not doing that for me.  I can’t hold tightly here because I know he does some nice things for me financially and through relating with our different parts.  But, I have no hope that my personal life is ever going to be better.  Just one drunk driver and I’m in a nursing home the rest of my life.  That is really how it feels.  There’s no security with anything.  I don’t know if it would be any different if he was here or not.  I sure wouldn’t eat as well without him, and I really do love our sex life, just that … I don’t know … Last week we were talking to Dr. Marvin about our sense of entitlement.  Maybe that will be the major conversation today too.

I know he started the statement related to my sister, but then something he said – and I think we asked him the question and it seemed confirmed we also have feelings of entitlement … I think this is like now when we’re expecting something from Rich without being able to do it on our own.  I don’t know.  I don’t think much of our ability to do much in life.  I don’t know if this is going to lead back to conversations on working with people on multiplicity or finishing school.  I don’t know … just don’t feel very able.  I like my life, but I don’t like having so little.  One argument with a landlord and we’re without any home.  Worst of all with Rich was that there was no real talking … What he did was yell and produce all his negatives in one very long speech.  Afterward I felt beaten and we didn’t talk to him for the next 2-3 days.  We’ve started now, but am feeling very depressed.  Not sure how to handle it … we took some extra pills, but just a few to calm down.  Our mind was just banging against our brain.  I don’t know … time to go though now.

Good time to be seeing him.  Maybe he can help us make sense of our expectations.  Just really down.