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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 140 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity Disorder in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our Twitter account (@aynetal3) lists approximately 240 Multiples). Keep looking for support - it's OUT there!
Please go to Ann's NEWS DID/MPD Blog (directly under the Message Forum) for the NEW Mind Mapping segment - Work in progress

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Saturday, July 14, 2012 at 10:16 AM


Good morning. At least we can still say that it is morning. We have not done very much this morning. Although we've caught up with our normal twitter blog, Facebook, e-mail, and website thing. Oh, and we talked to Rich for a few minutes before he left for the day –he's got two games. There is not a whole lot that happened from yesterday to today, although we played with our new website later last night. It turns out that the site now goes through, so if you go to Aynetal3.com you will see our progress – Yay.  We can now do slideshows, videos, backgrounds and post regular pictures. It would go without saying that we can obviously do words and columns and such. We really don't know what we want to with it exactly, just learning some techniques to webbing and that it will perhaps have something to do with our school interests. There's no general blueprint or design that has been laid out, but I think that is the purpose of the class that I'm in - to come up with design ideas, which speaking of class, I am terribly late in writing a paper, but nonetheless it is still a good place to be.

I am fighting the urge now not to go back to Adobe to be learning more about the web-making process; I have to get the writing done so that I can get to the reading and writing of the official paper. I know that I've been saying this for a couple days and so I really have to do something. Today is the absolute last day I can have something in without losing all 50 points. I am actually looking forward to reading the text, it is just that I get so overwhelmed with how much information, it is to be going through our brain - sometimes I just don't know what to do with it all. I have to follow the directions and do one thing at a time, get it done, and get it done right. I wish this wasn't so hard - the just getting TO the writing work part.

There was somebody in Twitter this morning, by the name of the K’s (Kellies). They write, “you must also understand that when we switch, it sometimes very subtle. Some K’s are so similar that no one would ever notice they're not the same K. I, myself, have trouble telling some of them apart. My point is it's possible, if you have ever chatted with me, that you actually chatted with more than one of me. Switching can happen at any time, for any reason or none at all, and is sometimes last for only a moment or two. Add to that fact the co-consciousness that we often experience (that is when more than one personality is aware/out) and this all adds up to a situation in which several different K’s are chatting with a person over the course of a conversation"  (The K’s, 2012).  She considers this her slot machine. You never know who's going to come up to represent the groups thoughts, emotions, or behaviors.

What she is saying really aligns to the way I think about things especially in our system as to how our parts slip in and out of our thoughts, conversations, in writing, so that we really don't know which part is out at any exact moment, though certain parts tend to predominate.  Dr. Marvin said something that made sense in that as a whole process of the dissociation, basically the process was meant to hide different parts coming and going within our brain inputting intelligence and who was being “out front.” We were groomed with our own minds to cover for big obvious differences of parts’ changes going on within us, so that being camouflaged, we could not get hurt, but would still be "putting our best foot forward" crossed with "hot potato."

I think in K’s case that when she met somebody new and the obvious parts who were different from her slipped out, and co-consciously and she knew this difference, but couldn't control the flow and although this might not have seemed ideal, that way of “being” was the person(s) that should have been out according to their instincts from amongst the personalities, or whichever part or part process that really does make the switch internally for them. We also have trouble telling parts apart from one another - pretty much because we don't consider ourselves separate people who stand up and say, "no, these are all my thoughts, all those thoughts are somebody else's."  We have to accept all the thoughts collectively.  It's kind of like a mingling of parts that make us as one whole - unique.  It seems like some of the older parts really do begin and end each other's sentences, so we really do not have to be conscious of our differences, more that there are similarities towards what we think and how we collectively respond to the world.

At times we can stop and reflect who that was, or who am I, and the answer seems to come to us.  For example, right now I could say, "who am I?" And the results of that thought is a slight pause, and then the name Corey comes forward. And I checked myself and I think, yes, I am the one they consider Corey. Then there's a slight moment to smile because it really is nice to figure out that, yes I am really me, and I have the difference in being then all the other parts. It helps me to feel special, but then we are getting onto a whole 'nother can of worms. I never think I'm going to be the part that sits down to write, but often it is the case that when we sit down, I am in fact, the one writing most often though perhaps more of the informal work than the formal.

One way or another, I was really pleased to have read K's blog this morning and that it appears that she thinks about her multiplicity too. I enjoyed the thought processes.  I am guessing at this point, but it seems that this is something that most multiples hold in common, there are a lot of thoughts going into figuring out how their own systems work. There never seems to be a point where one sat down and said, "this is how I'm going to invent my new world," it is just something that happens to you and when you become more aware of your many selves, you have to really work to comprehend it just as anyone else might, and more because each part needs to follow the same exercise in comprehending their part of our world.  We have 18 parts and one core.

One of the things that I am trying to learn to do is to close my Internet Explorer. It seems that I have to learn to refocus my attention with the TweetDeck being so available to me, but I find it is easier to close Internet Explorer rather than to close the TweetDeck. The positive is that if I don't do something in between going to the TweetDeck and back,  I will never get to the point of posting something that is worthwhile seeing.

Maybe at this point we're just trying to avoid doing the reading work. I don't know why that is so difficult for us to start. I know we will be fine after we get there, but I suppose it means that I have to be away from this computer and me for a while, and that is difficult. I am trying to think now. I know that my Twitter is up to date for this very moment. I have briefly stopped at Facebook and AOL to check on my dealings there. I've glanced at my mind map on dissociative identity disorder - the part where we are going to incorporate into our project at school. I've been over to my new webpage and know that it is for playing later, if I get my schoolwork done. I really can't justify that we go back to it now, so it's better left closed. Okay, girl, you can do this.

Be back later

References

The K’s.  (2012).  The K’s:  I say what “we” think:  First Impressions [WordPress.com Blog]. Retrieved from http://thekellies.wordpress.com/2012/07/14/first-impressions/

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