Selected Goals and Strategies
Issue
|
Goals
|
Strategies
|
Support Mission
|
Issue
#1
A
lot of external feedback we have monitored from the environment seems to be
based on the question, “Is multiplicity real?” How do we address that?
|
·
Determine if stakeholder is for, against or unsure
as to reality of multiplicity
·
Determine what the opinion of is of multiplicity
Consider the issues that multiples face
·
Determine if there is a question or real memories
or trauma
·
Determine if the multiple is under any current
threat or feels safe
·
Is there a strangeness being represented by the
multiple that the external might not accept
·
Could the multiple be seen as making a
contribution to public value
·
Does the multiple have good internal/external
communications, or support
|
1.
Open the Google search emails and categorize the
information in the access program
2.
Check your boundaries to assure that things being
said aren’t directed to you
3.
Make reasonable determinations, but don’t become
obsessed with detail
4.
Relate observations and insight in the appropriate
data field
5.
When in doubt trust
|
Implemented
successful guidance, control and management measures, applied Internet
search, built competency, learned more about multiples culture, partook in
real learning about the environment, worked toward constructing relationships
with external others, maintained a position of not being overwhelmed or
discouraged, increased tolerance, assisted in building public value
|
Issue
#2
How
will we develop the stamina, courage and tolerance of accepting things better
from the external world (outside our minds to include physical)?
|
·
Is there a sense of honesty and truthfulness
·
Do we feel strong enough today to deal with
whatever answer we might find to go forward and challenge our environment
·
Can we handle any physical challenge given to us
today
·
Do we feel tolerant in being contradicted with
something different then we are used to
·
Can we accept change including moving fluently in
our home
·
Can we accept the things that we cannot fix
·
Do we have examples of coping today
·
Can we go outside the apartment or out of doors
today
·
Have we had physical exercise today or completed
housework
·
did we have any new experiences today to improve
the quality of our life
·
Have we lost weight today
·
Have we done something toward getting ready for
Vietnam
|
1.
Answer daily the questions to Mimi’s Dragon
whether or not we were able as a system to interact within our external
environments
2.
Check the emotional overlay – do we still feel
balanced – was there anything special to ajar us
3.
Check whether our markers were met such as coping,
weight, exercise, housework, and planning
|
Used
Mimi’s Dragon, implemented successful guidance and control externally, built
competence, learned through work and play, better understood construction of
relationships with external others, especially with friend – being out with
Rich, maintained a position not to become too discouraged, increased positive
perception, experienced day-to-day simple life changes, advanced personal
value
|
Issue
#3
If
it is apparent, and it is, that Ann Marie has significant influence on our
system (and Mimi’s Dragon), how can we better know and identify her?
|
·
How much percentage of the day did we feel Ann
Marie’s presence
·
Have we been able to process well schoolwork today
·
Has everyone checked whether something was ok with
Ann Marie today (include in decision-making)
·
Do we know what Ann Marie’s personal goals are
with the day
·
Has Ann Marie been in to check on the dashboard
with or w/o assistance
·
Has Ann Marie had complicated thought processes
during the day
·
Were there times when you wondered where Ann Marie
was
·
Did Ann Marie do something she can be proud of for
taking responsibility
·
Did you remember to feel grateful for Ann Marie being
on your team or committee
|
1.
Answer daily to Mimi’s dragon whether we were able
to communicate to Ann Marie and in which functions
2.
Invite Ann Marie to write in the Mimi’s Dragon
herself
3.
Check the charts to assure that everyone is
memorizing committee, team and group members along with partners
|
Used
Mimi’s Dragon, gained in an internal support, gained structure through the
dashboard, advanced multiple systems through strategy planning and
competence, fostered habits of dialogue and real learning, better understood
relationship with Ann Marie, didn’t become overwhelmed or too discouraged,
found tolerance in others, experienced day-to-day simple life challenges,
advanced personal value
|
Issue
#4
How
do we as parts, assist Ann Marie in dealing with or negotiating the system’s
harder emotions without over-burdening her (overwhelm and/or discourage)?
|
·
Did we feel overwhelmed to the degree of shutting
down
·
Did the system have to take naps or go to bed
early
·
Were problems explained clearly to Ann Marie without
her need to disappear
·
Can you be confident that you won’t be replaced
for sharing coping skills
·
Is life still getting better
·
Were there times during the day you needed to ask
for help
·
Have you felt in danger today
·
Would you consider the day stable or typical
·
Have you faced everything given to you today and
been able to maintain a reasonable schedule – well paced
·
Was there a fast succession of switches during
your watch
·
Did you have the impression that Ann Marie or
another part was frightened/scared
·
Were you able to recognize your sense of purpose
·
Did you feel loved or cared for today
·
Were there images of the cave or the “dead zone”
·
Did you build trust today with anyone
·
Do you have the perspective that all problems have
solutions
|
1.
Write in Mimi’s dragon whether or not there were
crises during the day and how they were handled
2.
Include whether or not you believe that parts or
the core was well supported
3.
If there was a breakdown can a critical point be
determined that was not caught appropriately at the right time
4.
Could you summarize the day so that you could feel
a positive sense of self-worth for both yourself(ves) and or Ann Marie
|
Wrote
in Mimi’s Dragon, implemented successful guidance, control and management
measures through internal supports, built competency, tested personal culture
changes, fostered habits of dialogue, inquiry and real learning, better
understood the construction of a relationship, better understood the roles of
a peer and friend, didn’t become overwhelmed or discouraged, increased positive
perception and tolerance for differences of others, experienced simple life
changes and increased personal value
|
Final Strategy Statement carried forward to the Strategic Plan
(based on Worksheet 27)
Mimi’s Dragon will
incorporate each of the issues as the writer checks in on the progress of the
goals and strategies outlined above and in living day-to-day. The work will be published at the completion
of her Master’s degree. The purpose of
the project is to present as a multiple in a non-traumatizing manner to give
insight on the differences of thinking processes and that processes given are
more abled than disabled. Hopefully, the
project will become one in a series of books that chart over a long period of
time the development of a person who happens to have multiplicity and that in
doing so it will belay some of the criticisms given toward the diagnosis and
therapeutic results. The ultimate goals
are to finish the book, finish the degree and for the system to have a very
productive year. There will be performance indicators such as writing most
days, finishing homework assignments, taking care of the “doables,” and
becoming more physically fit and active.
The theory behind the
project is to be as honest and real as is possible in bridging the differences
of the internal and external lives.
There is no goal to integrate as one person rather than as a multiple,
but there is a set need to understand and challenge more actively the core part
of our personalities, so that there is more order and reliability, especially
as the system continues to pursue loftier goals of a doctorate degree.
The principle components
of the project is for Ann Marie and the parts to check in daily with the
dashboard, write nearly daily to Mimi’s Dragon, and then begin the editing
process for the content tags. The Google
search will be formatted to fit an Access data bases and while this is
happening, the system has to progress in getting itself to places where it can
interact externally and with others who are external. Items such as schoolwork, housework and being
out on events particularly with Rich are hoped to become more prevalently
routine.
The system has the
capabilities it needs and it is determined to progress. The goals and expectations are reasonable and
established both short- and long-term.
The system in general is very systematic and analytical which will be
seen as assets as the information gathered is incorporated through the writing
of the book. It is hoped that through
this effort and others like it that the public will be well-served. In general, the system is good natured and
has excellent support systems. The project should last between the time frame
of February 22, 2012 and June 30, 2013.
Each two month period as the courses at JIU change the emphasis into the
project will also change and develop.
Resources and Changes in the Organization
There will not be many
resources required other than time, patience and good will. At the end of the project the system will
need to develop a means to publish the book, but it has published before and
understands that it can be done again for $1500-2500, which is a reasonable sum
to earn over the course of greater than a year.
The computer and software necessary for writing is in excellent shape
and people to interact with are plentiful.
There are additional costs in just living without working at an external
job, but these needs are being cared for through a supplemental income and
school loan. Most likely there won’t be
much gathered for savings with the project.
Expenses should be covered and the book when completed will not be
thought to make a huge sum of money because the cause of the book belongs to a
small audience and there is much competition for books that float toward
psychological biographies.
Most rules, policies
changes required are internal with the exception for the hard deadlines like
bills, assignments, psychiatry sessions and doctor appointments, and a weight
loss goal to lose 2-3 pounds a week for 20 weeks until the system plans to travel
out of the country. There is also one
more rule internally attached and that is to follow as best the system can
toward its established support roles with people close to the system.
The project is flexible
enough so that changes can be made as the project is being worked out over
time, and it is hoped that it will change as new scholarly pursuits become
available. There is always a discrepancy
between what is happening and what one wishes to happen so it becomes necessary
to realign the direction frequently to keep on the track one destines to be
on. There should also be points of
summary like at the end of each two month period when major papers or projects
are handed in for evaluation. There is
also a natural summary point in the turning of one month to another. Each month represents its own chapter in
Mimi’s Dragon. And, there are smaller
weekly summaries with some of the courses.
There is some associated
risk in writing in that the person writing is exposed to a larger audience he
or she does not control. Most of this is
handled by maintaining boundaries that are healthy for the system. It doesn’t seem to matter much if people know
common things like weight, or activities, or even if we are having the love
life of our calling. The writer has been
using a blog for almost ten years and so the transference of information seems
second nature and is part of being in a society that is socially saturated with
media exposure.
There also seems to be
an unwritten rule with multiples who write.
There is always the thought – could you help someone else? And, in this case it seems to be true. Good information that is more accurate would
assist in clarifying what is and isn’t real about multiplicity. And, in the process it allows the
writer/thinker to grow in skill and ability while learning and teaching which
seems to be the most important attributes of her life. There is always going to
be love, but there is no problem in loving what one does and the writing for
this project seems to fit hand and glove to this life-long series of goals.
Please Answer this
in Week 4 Pepper Monday, April 2, 2012
So well
said Ann. Hmmm. I offhandedly love the Archterhoff Themes, though. I have
actually sent some copies to our legal counsel in explanation, and he has been
impressed, especially the one on the STEEP. He started doing and striving in
"external scanning mode" after reading it. Mona has been so on top of
answering questions about any confusion. I appreciate that so much.
Thank you
for such an articulate post.
Pep
Tuesday, April 3,
2012 1:50 PM
Hi,
this is me. I've got about an hour before I go to Dr. Marvin's appointment and
so I thought I would try to catch up a little bit. I don't think it's been
since maybe Saturday or Sunday since I've written. Hopefully today I can catch
up. I think the biggest thing I had done was I had finished my schoolwork on
Sunday and you just saw that above, so if that down and then yesterday I
believe based did something in the morning but then I found myself sleeping all
afternoon. I must've slept straight from three or four hours straight before
dinner. I don't know what got me so tired. Oh dear. This is one of those times
that we are going to have a hard time figuring out what we were doing.
I
think yesterday we talked to Maury, or perhaps it was Sunday but I'm pretty
sure it was Monday. He had come back from Arkansas with his family and that
turned out to be a real maestro for them they've got more family obligations
coming up the next month around Mother's Day, but we'll get into that later you
are going to be doing a lot of Mother's Day so there's that and I also remember
the part where the dog had a really good time swimming in the Springs with the
girls. It was a first for the dog. I know Maury only had a couple more days
work and that he was going to have some more time off for his regular weekend I
think he was fighting in a hard time to go back to work after having so many
nice days off.
We
got a picture from Duyen of time teaching at the school for some kids going
through problems if he was a professional is with a group of maybe six or seven
other Marines and it looked like the ratio was about to students to one Marine,
always Thom has this great sense of humor he can get pretty darn strict but he
looked like he was having a good time. I haven't heard too much from Joe and
Cari although Kerry is getting very close to the end of school year for her and
she should be a nurse. We got a chance to see her in her nurse’s uniform and
she looked pretty sharp very happy looking girl.
I
don't hear too much from Linda. We did get a chance to talk a couple times for
the most part she was talking about her grandsons being over or her
granddaughter and her Easter plans with her mother may be coming down maybe
not. She really surprises me. Going from a big trip to California to so much
involvement with the family, but I guess her grandsons parents are in Mexico
this week and she had volunteered to take them for her daughter. My
understanding is down both grandsons are sick and she has got that to deal with
to I feel bad for her but I know she's strong enough to do the deal.
I
think when I get back and learn enough to make a decision about going to
Wisconsin and Minnesota. I will try to talk to Dr. Marvin about it today. The
biggest thing at this point is whether I should be going. Because of the
medicine he's got me on is making me very tired that's a lot of driving for
some of that's so tired. I think maybe if I was more enthused about the trip to
but I'm not really most to me, would just rather stay home right now. I think
the only one that it would frustrate was the twins and of course Connie sue but
Connie sue seems to be having a lot of stuff going on between her and her
family. So I'm not so sure if I really want to get into the metal wall that can
be locked up there for even for five days, it seems like a lot of time.
Rich
and I were doing pretty good tell less night and then he got me with the
negative one about the time that I was needing a positive and so I ended up not
going to his work with him, but maybe today I will be able to go after Dr.
Marvin's appointment the should be as last night and hopefully by tomorrow
he'll be able to deliver the goods and get the last of the money he was owed
for that job. It really came at a very good time he also got a little bit of
money left from his income tax which is something I've never heard rich doing
before, and then the other thing that can happen – well there were a couple
things.
The
first is that today I got my first check for the government disability and it
went to the bank. Unfortunately, went to the wrong bank account went to my
account instead of the one where bridges designee payee designee, or whatever
you call it but the money is there and so I'm thinking that maybe when rich
comes home the next day or two we will be able to pay the rent and very happy
about that and then the other thing is that I got a call today from Cynthia
from the financial people at UIC and she said that my Medicaid was approved.
Neither she or I have the paperwork yet and so we don't know what the spin down
is going to be but she gave me the caseworker's name is Ms. Antelique and she
said that the Medicaid is going to go all the way back to October which is
about the time that I was losing my medical insurance with Blue Cross Blue
Shield. So I felt very fine about that again something that you talk to Dr.
Marvin about today. It's already into it. April so was a long time coming. That
was about six months without any kind of insurance or income. It's a big deal.
It really is.
One
of the things I did yesterday. I guess now that I'm remembering was that I went
into and opened up the access database and tried to figure that out a little
bit. I didn't have very much patience for it, but I started, I went through
about 15 stories on multiples just over a couple days and I put them into the
database. Again I'm not real happy with the way it's set up yet but it was
first time I did it to have your chance to see what I could do with it. It was
very hard. The hard part is reading the stories I mean for example there's one
story where the first one where the writer says it sounds like MPD or is that
multiple jacka$$. It gives you kind of an idea, which is facing right away. The
next one they talked about nutty professor and the Eddie Murphy, who played
that part of having multiple personality disorders and then there was another
one on a 16-year-old who thought she had multiple personality disorder,
although she didn't have any real recognizable signs.
The
next one had something to do with wondering if she was dissociative also
although she was 35 and stated she had had a traumatic childhood the couple
more. One thought that if you read anything on multiplicity that would be a lie
and that had to do with it being April 1, or Aprils fool’s day. There was
another one talking about it being a controversial disease and not really
knowing if it had a neurological underpinning to it. There was another article
where they talked about a judge who was like Sybil because he had different
unpredictable ways of brewing in his court. There was another one where they
talked about Herschel Walker visiting different American military installations
particularly with posttraumatic stress disorder there's another lady that
thought she was so sexual that I had to do with her multiple personalities
couldn't about her and then the last one was somebody talking about being
bullied by others who didn't believe they had multiple personality disorder.
I
think these are can be very common types of situations. I run up against doing
the research shows a lot of disbelief out there and people using it incorrectly
people not knowing a lot about it. Some of the articles were mentioned under
blogs or Web. There were a couple ones that were located under news. The one
with Herschel Walker and the judge those are both news items which I find hard
to believe.
I'm
just not sure how I want to take these stories then I mean yesterday I was just
writing down main headlines in a couple of the details of the most first aid or
know who the author was stuff like that, but I don't know if I want to start
thinking about these categories are not yet. I think women have to get quite a
few more before I can really start to sort it out properly. We'll have to see
how closely the stories aligned with each other. I'm not sure how the search is
pulling these particular things off the Internet. I mean it does seem that the
day that they are coming in is really the day that the event happened so these
are enough to came in on the first of really happened on the first so that
makes it current for the newer ones coming in. I'm just not sure how they get
marked as being the relevant ones on the Internet because I'm sure there's so
much more out there. I like to think of it this point is being a sample which
was fair enough. I will catch on after a while of the coming from the same
blogs such.
As
to today - I haven't really gotten towards the computer very much at all except
for now. I guess I did spend an hour listening to Linda. I did pull out all the
reading that we had to do this weekend. I was so happy to find out we didn't
have to read any chapters from the big book last time they had three chapters
and I thought all is good go bonkers there was so much reading to do about 40
pages a chapter there's no pictures. This time there was three or four articles
plus the themes so is really liked I was still falling asleep but I got most of
it done right around lunch time. Richard came in about the same time I was finishing
up. Then he had to go out to a ballgame likely have said before we probably
will meet him after Dr. Marvin's in dinner.
Last
night, he had me play Turkey and he was already prepared by him but he had me
put it in the oven after he had left and then less 90 deboned it did and so now
for the next three or four days would have Turkey which is fine but she was
miracle whip and sandwiches – YAY! I think nothing much else is going on; the
cats are doing what still displaying about. Maybe we can talk about the parts a
little bit more after Dr. Marvin's he was supposed to finish doing some reading
for me so he knew what was going on with what we were doing at school. I think
he's a couple papers behind but I don't know if I want to bring in the rest of
it. I have to take a look see what's there. Now I don't think we want to go
through all that is good enough to talk about Dr. Marvin was backed up a couple
weeks, three weeks to be exact.
I
asked rich before he left, if we were mad at Dr. Marvin or not. Are we happy
with you? Are we unhappy with you? I don't know I don't recall what we were
doing last time. It, was Thursday – Lordy whoever knows. I feel like I haven't
seen him for a long time. Otherwise I feel little bit lazy in general.
Sometimes we get Denny's mostly just want to give him a hard time. I'm not sure
that's coming from. Oh I remember one thing we were grouchy and irritable. I
don't know if we got to the point of smiling before we left. I think part of
the pharmacy still spending too much time on medicine but we have to remember
to get some more of the one we handed in the Ritalin.
All
it looks like we have you back again, bad Dragon, bad. Somehow my programs get
all discombobulated we had too many going on at the same time anyway so I shut everything
down and in turn everything back on again. This time though we've only got
Dragon in the word processor open probably healthier for the machine were
having a little trouble with anticipation for little bit antsy. Should you take
the medicine too? I'll be right back.
Okay
were back we did everything to get ready. Including getting dressed I think
after grab my phone. Everything else should be done in the car. I'm hoping that
there's enough money down there, but if nothing else, the credit card is in the
car. We've got about 20 min. left before we have to go through to get some
water too and took my medicine. I should've taken that about an hour or two
ago. About now what kind of thinking that we would like talk to Dr. Marvin
pretty soon and it seems like it's taking forever. Maybe we should matter salsa
checklist or something but I don't think we usually do that kind of thing. If I
know we could wake up in time. I think it probably even almost take a nap.
Wonderfully couldn't do that we might just go early take a nap or bring it will
bring the Kindle with us. I don't think we have an e-mail or anything right now
better check.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012 10:19 AM
Good
morning. It's all Wednesday and I have slept as much as a person could he would
sleep he still be tired. I woke up a little bit during the morning like to see
rich off them to switch positions in bed, I would pretty much had been sleeping
since up to 10 o'clock this morning. I still feel groggy. We did eat earlier
like about eight o'clock we took her medicine. But then again we fell asleep
and were still hungry. Rich is pointed out the less several mornings that we've
been waking up and having food dreams. This morning there was something about
having sticky buns. It's probably where I'm gaining calories is in my sleep.
I
am feeling incredibly tired. I feel like I'm just rocking in my sleep here.
I've got to shake it off. I did take a shower, and I did call Richard ask him
if his hours were going such that I could come over and help him out. Were both
aware that I should be writing a paper today he would be getting it in early
but that wouldn't kill me. Basically I have the time I should be doing it now,
but I'm not ready for that. I have to get to the point where I feel like I'm up
at least. I'm just uncomfortable groggy. I did take my medicine this morning. I
don't know what's going wrong. Last night we saw Dr. Marvin. I'm not sure
exactly how that turned out. I know there were certain parts out but I couldn't
identify all of them. I'm wondering now if part of our sleepiness is holding
onto Mimi. I know that when we were younger and we wanted to get out of our
situation we would just sleep that was pretty much Mimi's function.
We
did talk to Dr. Marvin about the medicines and he wrote out a prescription so
that were going to be taking too little in the day which help something
although it hasn't been helping this morning I am just so uncomfortable. Maybe
if I move around the house a little bit. I'll be right back. Okay I'm back at
it. Something I really started the dishwasher got some of the dishes out of the
living room. It's a start. I hadn't realize Richard put all the Turkey pen Zen
and the dishwasher was too full for all the dishes should have been aware of
that yesterday, but I guess it was out of it.
I'm
feeling so down to the sink where it started to talk about Dr. Marvin seems to
be a hard part of my morning after going through some of the preliminary stuff
just checking in. We told him we didn't remember if we were friendly with him
or not. I think he indicated we were doing better but we had had some problems.
The week before because our crankiness. I do remember being cranky. I'm not
sure what that was all about. I think today were more tired and cranky. We did
talk about driving and he thought probably it wouldn't be a good idea to do the
long drives to either Wisconsin or Minnesota that was sort of a relief off my
mind because I didn't feel up to it. This is been too much sleeping tiredness.
There got some coffee. Maybe they'll help were dealing again with Missy, is the
pattern every time we start talking to type then she comes over and wants
attention. We're trying to do that without getting grouchy again.
We
stopped by and left a note for Linda. She's having problems with one of her
grandsons being sick and going through those kinds of worries I hope she gets
out okay. I do believe in her.
Dr.
Marvin's main interest, I think of the evening, was that he had read the school
material that we had sent him the week before and I could tell that he was a
little bit on the excited side, there I think he likes one. There is progress
within the system. He was talking to several different parts. I know that
Anniemi identified herself and it was identified later that Anne-Marie had been
out and probably some younger parts were out as well, as well as some of the
older parts. It is hard because people switch so much in-between times we can
get a fix on it. Though I think I'm remembering right now but Anne-Marie is
that somebody before had mentioned that she didn't like it that it was a cave
and she said afterwards that maybe she could call it a copy and Dr. Marvin had
agreed that that sounded a little bit cozier. So now we know that she sensitive
that will try not to use that kind of terminology. I don't know exactly the
conversation that any of the parts have Dr. Marvin and that's kind of
bothersome but I suppose it will come in time if it's important for me to know
I know that at one part and he me had said she was out and Dr. Marvin asked her
if she knew who her partner was and she said no and so he told her it was Sarah
and that was kind of funny because it put a smile on her face. I think she
likes Sarah always think as there is a happy one.
I
think we talked to Dr. Marvin about kind of the crazy feeling of all this and
basically was it normal to be doing what we were doing and we didn't know
whether just because we had created a system to get in better contact with the
different parts of it would work. I think his general sense of it was that we
should try and that it seemed like a good idea. There was something else said
between him and Anne-Marie now that I'm remembering and that was that she told
him that she likes most the sound of his voice. I think he was quiet and soft
again and he questioned her about it and she said the words sing-song, basically
that he has a sing song in his voice. And that's very reassuring to her. He had
use the word reassuring but she knew what he was saying. I think it might've
let him know that he was doing the right thing to which was a good
reaffirmation.
I
know that while we were out, we recognize that different multiples have
different ways of organizing their minds and we are no exception to the rule. I
know we also talked a little bit about the Google searches and someone gave him
a general idea on the kind of things that we had found. He also knows that were
not real happy with our data collection system yet but he knows that were
trying when we talked about the hard part of what we are doing that seemed to
be the hardest part because there's so much negativity coming from the outside
world.
I
think we told him also that we are on time the school. We had gotten there is
other homework in by Sunday and we had done the reading yesterday so that part
was good. Dr. Marvin doesn't seem to talk as much sometimes it's just anticipated.
We know that when he's getting excited about something but we must be on the
right path and I do know that the system tries to please him. Not that we are
going to do anything that we shouldn't or couldn't, or whatever. Because we won
his approval but just because we use it as a gauge to know that were doing
okay. He talked again about how things were falling into place and because
their life is little bit more regulated, we emphasize the part about his being
in the house without having to go out that things were settling down and we
should be able to work better at this level. We talked about also a little of
the problem with identifying each of the cells. I think the one part is that
the cells really don't know when they're different from the other issues that
other parts identify you and then it's a matter of taking ownership of any me
talked about taking responsibility with that ownership and I think that was the
hard part for her.
When
we took that about as long as we could and then we broke down and had our lunch
a little bitterly it's 11 now. I should've waited till 11:30 AM. But it was
close enough. It was good but I probably ate too much. We just had turkey
pieces with miracle whip. I think I mentioned it but rich us. Post be home
around noon and his can have lunch and then he'll decide by then whether he
could use my help at the shop or not. I did talk to him on the phone and he
knows I've taken my shower and I'm ready to go if you would like. So it's on
him. I know that today he's trying to close up shop. So if I can be of any
help. There's no doubt we have trouble getting out of the house but we feel
great empathy for him to you nobody's had to do with this job and the hours he
has put into it.
For
the work on our school, we have to come up with key performance indicators. I
suppose I could start thinking about that now. I might have to get out some of
the paperwork so read the questions again they do what we'll do is we'll go
over to school and see who's responded so far, and responses are giving. It looks like time yeah Mary and
Jerry a lot of heady and some doctor and click has been there.
Yeeks!
Gerald went off again. This time he hit Brian. Brian had written to him as one
of the requirements is to write to your peers and he had suggested a couple
ideas but had left the situation in good tactic he had started with his
statement saying it was a good overall plan and he ended with you saying you
his paper was well thought out that he could find some good groundwork to move
ahead and good luck and I wish her the best on your move forward. And you know
very accommodating. But Gerald took it as an insult that Brian didn't
understand what he was doing that he had thought to make up something to deal
with his own pettiness and that Thom said them so I doesn't suit your needs and
it was like there was nothing about suiting anybody's needs it was just that
Brian was giving you no literal feedback and he got this really totally with
data shape in Gerald told Brian that he was offended that that he was talked to
in this manner and that he suggested that the end that Brian develop a
professional. A relationship with someone that he could find more trustworthy
so he'd totally misread the situation altogether and I don't think normally the
class corrects the situations I think it's up to the teacher she's going to say
anything at all the last teacher. When we had a hotheaded the room pacified the
hothead rather than correct him for being over sensitive. I don't know what
doctoring big is going to do in this situation if anything at all and I don't
know how Brian will respond Bryans really sweet kid. Well is an adult,
obviously but he's he's a nice guy. He wouldn't do anything out of ordinary to
upset anyone and if anything he was probably commenting to of males because he
didn't want to take the risk of upsetting any of the females he's very
good-natured Academy three classes. I'm not so impressed with this Gerald
person. He's retired commissioned officer from the Army and is very quick to
jump down somebody's throat.
Basically,
as far as echoes - I just don't deal with them. If you comment something to me,
then I'll say something but to not he's too dangerous.
Now
we have to calm ourselves down again it looks like five students have responded
already to the 5.1 assignment. And it looks like six students have responded to
the various statements yet. This week the various comment says what is one
performance indicator in your organization that you see is troublesome in the
sense that it hinders performance is written reliable etc. you may of course
discuss other aspects of module five here. That I have to really get into what
I'm any use for performance indicators. I've always had trouble with that I
suppose it's time to go figure that out you better take another nap. I'm not
sure in which direction I'm going. Signing off for now bye-bye
Thursday, April
05, 2012 9:27 AM
Good
morning. How is everybody this morning? It is now Thursday morning at about
9:30 AM. We have done very little with the morning so far. We pretty much slept
through until about nine o'clock although we are up for a little bit with rich
before he left for work. We did check out Facebook this morning an e-mail and
left a note for Linda, and we did close at least get one though done the
washing machine. It was a special request from rich to do his baseball close
before he needs them this afternoon at 2 PM. Not much else to be said of the
morning, maybe during our next break. We will empty the dishwasher and reloaded
that would help and then we need to vacuum again today. I know the excitement of
a housewife is just pretty thrilling isn't it?
Today
is a Dr. Marvin day and were anticipating that – whether it is good or not. I'm
not sure yet. I can't help but think that some of our slowing down her
sleepiness has to do with what's going on there and perhaps Ann-Marie trying to
get over some of her fears – kind of a blocking off of things. I would like to
give Dr. Marvin the benefit of doubt today and just listen to him. Perhaps he
can give us some advice as far as what we doing there how to be going next.
That was the period of time where we start yawning all over again and
flip-flopping as far as what to talk about Pacifica grasp any one concept going
through our brain seems almost impossible go at this time. Seems like were pure
avoidance mode and part of that includes homework. We did stop over at the
school today and now Gerald is causing some problems with another girl lady.
She's not in Hawaii and she always starts her phrases with Aloha and now he is
complaining that she is speaking in a language that is foreign to 99% of the
group. We seem to understand her quite well as does most the class is just the
Gerald is causing more problems arose seems the one rotten egg in the bunch. He
can be pretty darn frustrating. I can't imagine what he thinks of multiplicity,
I've no intention of asking him.
I
don't know what to say. I don't know which direction my mind should go next. I
think we've got the basics covered. Now what is it there my mind is supposed to
think about that is so darn important? I find myself looking at the chart that
I give Dr. Marvin the teacher as to which parts are in which committees. I
think Dr. Marvin is going to push us a little bit to think through it some more
because he would be interested in the ideas that were not presenting. I think
he believes that we should do more with stating which parts are communicating
with which parts. This next part is that chief is deciding that he needs to sit
with us some more while we are writing he jumped up on her lap for a good
old-fashioned pet. While I admire his gumption, this is probably not going to
work out. We had to put him down on the floor. He's not so happy about that but
he does break my train of thought, whatever thought I have left.
I
suppose the thing would be to continuing my schoolwork which would continue the
trend I thought of Dr. Marvin is going to get into. He seemed interested in the
flashcards. Those are the ones that we had written up specifying who blog in
which group in which parts blonde who as far as partners go. We have been
reticent to look at that more seriously. Maybe it's called resistance. That's
if we go down the line just wants to practice.
·
Jesse
and Mimi.
·
Ayn
and Crystal
·
Kate
and Gracie
·
Ann
and Anna.
·
Jamie
and Casey
·
Kelsey
and KC
·
Corey
and Marie
·
Sarah
and Anniemi
·
Lissa
and Henry
We
broke them up in groups of three so that the very oldest in the very youngest
is in the first group, the middle oldest with the middle youngest is in the
second group, and the middle -middle are in the third group. Good, good, we just practice once we got
through the whole list. One time with one part there's much more memorizing to
do. But it's a step in the right direction.
Okay
good we're making progress here we change loads of clothes in the washing
machine to the drying machine, we wrote the sewing group, Henley wrote and
asking her to mail April and August Saturday sampler material so we can
continue our work. We just said. The part about her ex-mother-in-law have been
died, and his wife being in and being on medicine that wouldn't allow us to
travel this month. We also did say something about going to Vietnam.
Okay
we are back again. It's now 11:20 AM. We've done a few things. The last thing
we did was we got the close out of the dryer folded and hung them up so they're
ready for when rich comes home, we also made a couple calls regarding our
passport. We can get the passport taken care of at fire post office and we need
to bring driver's license and birth certificate and so then we had to find a
birth certificate it wasn't good enough that we had certificate of live birth
from the hospital so they gave us to the Kennebec County Courthouse and from
there we went online and was able to pull out the application for birth
certificate now the next state is that I have to fill it out in front of a
notary Republic so I'll have to go to the bank and then it'll be faxed to
Hennepin County Government Center and then I believe in a couple weeks I'll get
something back. I think it's going to cost some amount of money for the birth
certificate. Maybe like $26 going to cost another 25 at the post office for
that service plus another $110 to the servers they send it to, so it is not too
late to get this started right now. I am still unsure about the visa part maybe
somebody at the bank will be kind enough to explain that to me. I'm pretty sure
it's going to cost a few extra dollars to have the pictures taken at the post
office to but that might be the thing to do. It seems the handiest.
I've
about work my way up to lunch time. There are a few things I would rather have
gotten done before. Rich got home. This means being backed up on my feet again.
Live enough in me to do that?
Sunday, April 08, 2012 9:31 AM
Good
morning and happy Easter! We've been doing pretty good so far, although it was
a rough start first thing in the morning because we woke up at three o'clock
and didn't find our Easter basket but then later, when rich woke up he said
that Easter Bunny had hid it under something and so then he showed us where the
Easter basket was. And then we were happy. We've been kind of eating it from it
all morning, but rich said that if we ate it all then we would be loopy. I'd
like to think we’re not loopy. Are you bothering me already? Sorry rich came
back he said we could talk but we told him that we were talking about him and
he only smiled. We snuck out after he left and got two more pieces of
chocolate. I'll teach him about being loopy. I'm not loopy. I like chocolate
and jelly beans and marshmallows.
We
wrote to Linda already this morning. She said that summer and her family went
home, but her mother is there now and then later on I think that Sarah, Adam,
and Teadora will be there for Easter dinner. That poor woman is never going to
get a rest. She said she was going to church this morning; I sure wouldn't want
to do that.
We
also checked our mail and we checked our school forum. Oh my gosh - I just checked my mail again and it says that
Mike Wallace of CBS news has died at the age of 93 years old. I feel bad for
him. He was getting pretty old, but he was still an important person in the
news world. Not too many people at school this morning because most people had
to get in assignments last night and then they don't look at the form on
Sundays. I did get one nice note from somebody named Janice, who said that she
was learning from our things on disability that might apply to her mom and dad
because they were disabled, and that made me feel very nice.
It
made me feel very nice fellow when Pepper said yesterday that she would like to
see my project. We sent it to her as a special gift, but the real gift was that
she would read our paper. Pepper is the smartest person in our course. There
are other people that are smart. I mean, there's principles and stuff like that
but pepper works hard to be where she's at. She works for a new company that is
putting out some kind of energy efficient products in Colorado. She writes very
well and is shown the most interest in me which is really nice. I do think that
the teacher is giving me some attention. Even in class so that is caught her
attention and she knows that I probably am one of the best writers in the
class. I have a little bit of a default in that we’re disabled and so some
people find it hard to talk to us.
I
think that's the reason but Pepper has been good. I would consider her my top
competition if we were to compete but there's no need for that there's room for
both of us. I know that I'm the best in what I do and she's the best at what
she does. She seems to know people well which is always a gift in my eyesight.
She gets around and says a lot of things to a lot of people that make him happy
but maybe not as important as the happiness she gives me because I'm pretty
needy with that kind of stuff. Some people put a little bit more into school and
some people just get by with what's required. I'm always pretty surprised when
I read every somebody has said and it
has been no more than 4-5 pages total effort after five weeks of study - at
least when I take notes as I'm reading the material that's the most I've come
up with so far. I did enjoy reading Mike's paper in that he was very consistent
and he added more information that was beneficial to his project. You can get
on whole entire feeling about what's on a person's mind from reading their assignments.
I would prefer if we could read the point to ones like pepper had suggested.
But I don't think they get much lengthier than what has been put out already.
One woman - I followed yesterday had about three pages of writing, or at least
that much worth it in my notes. And another woman - I could barely make out a
full paragraph or so of her notes because they were so sketchy. I feel bad
because this woman happens to be from Brazil and is doing very exceptional work
in a very needy area of her city, but she talks about going on for doctorates
degree and I don't think I would pass reviewed Masters because she's not doing
with the assignments ask. Maybe intensity matters more.
I
know though in comparison to everyone else I write too much. I don't know how to
narrow down my writing yet and at some point there could get to be a hazard. I
took it to heart when we were writing the grant knowing that in a regular grant
would've only have had so much space to do the grant writing and I would've had
to narrow down quite a bit of it to have passed.
I
almost started reading the next assignment. There is some reading online but
primarily its chapters 10 and 11 out of the big book. I will bring it with me
when we go to riches mom's place. Because between getting there and driving the
brothers. There's been be a lot of driving, although sometimes we sit in the
car and we just look out the window at the time pass merrily by. I never
remember much between one farm in the other so it all seems new to me.
We
took a shower already when rich was messing around doing some cleanup work here
so we wouldn't have to take a break now that it's 10:00 AM - Which means I've
got an hour before we need to leave. I think he was trying to get back in the
house at 10:15 AM to 10:30 AM so he could take his shower as well. He's out
cleaning the car, and I heard that he's going to bring our Christmas tree to
Buds. I'm not so happy about that because it seems like my stuff over somebody
else's house but the truth is that we don't have the room because we have that
in the closet. We can fit the steamer in there. So the steamer has thing on the
living room. That's no good. I forgot we might have to steam some close rich
said that he wanted to wear his fancier shirts and I'm not sure if they're in the
state of wrinkled he will let me know when he comes back in.
He
came back in … it’s about 10 am, and he was too much of a rush and he put
whatever he was carried on top of a couple of glasses and broke them. Then he said “shit” was on the counter, but if
they WERE tumblers, they were his “stuff.”
There’s always a way of making it seem like the other guys fault when in
truth he should have been more careful.
I can’t help that …
We
switched over to hand typing so we wouldn’t have our space invaded. It has been frustrating all morning, because
we were waiting for a quiet time to use the living room and we never got that
and now in less than an hour we are going to need to go for the better majority
of the day. This really wasn’t my
plan. He scheduled us to see his mother
without asking and I had wanted to see Maury and the girls. I’m still feeling kind of lousy about
that. I’m trying to give Rich a break
because he won’t have a long time with his mother before she’s gone, but she
has to do her part of making herself more loveable to others. I suppose that is how we’ll be when we get
old? Just grumbling and complaining and
putting ourselves into a drunken stupor?
Oh Lord, please don’t let that happen to me. I want people to remember me for good things
- which should probably mean that I stop complaining now.
I
just miss my boys on the holidays.
There
was a break here and a couple grumbly things said … I went in to see if his
shirt was going to need steaming and he was grumpy, so we just went to the bedroom
and laid down and then he tried to pick a fight that I was saying negative
things toward him. Then we told him we
knew we were going to be the bad guy, because we weren’t supportive enough or
said the right words. But, he got
better. He had to go downstairs again to
do something, and now he’s coming up again.
It’s about 10:30 am and he still needs to take his shower. We’ve done that and gotten dressed, but I
don’t have anything for my hair yet.
Somewhere I got to get a couple small barrettes. It wouldn’t be such a big deal then. We put on our purplish blue striped shirt
because it is in Easter type colors and goes well with his purple shirt. I hope he doesn’t criticize and say I didn’t
dress good enough. I’m hoping he is
better now. He said he broke something
downstairs too. We told him he was
rushing too much and not being careful.
That was why he said we said a bad thing to him.
I’d
feel better if he just got to the shower.
He hadn’t planned enough time because he thought he had more, so he kept
watching more and more fishing shows. My
problem is thinking that his situation should be my fault - like he’s the one
that needed a time out in the bedroom not me.
HMPF!
Ok,
moving on with the day
Ahh
just put up a happy Easter picture on our FB.
It’s got three cute little yellow chicks – real! And they are wearing pink bunny ears. J
That makes me feel better. People
should feel good on holidays. Rich has
calmed down so that is better. Maybe he
feels some pressure for the holidays too.
He’s not seeing his kids either.
I know that I should call my mother today as well, but not feeling quite
up to that … maybe later. I should do it
in the car ride, so we could keep it short, but just not feeling very mother
welcoming. Let’s not go into the
negative side again, right?
I
found an old barrette and I’m not sure if it’s going to hold, but so far so
good. Rich is almost done in the
bathroom. He’s got 15 minutes before we
are scheduled to leave. It’s about 53
now and supposed to get up to 64. I’m
going to try getting out of the house without my jacket. Rich doesn’t cut me much slack here though …
It will be a magical feat if it happens.
I just don’t like things on my arms.
I know the car has heat if it really gets cold. He’s going to say c’mon we’ve got to go, but
we’ll be ready … we’ve got our shoes on and the phone is here charging and
ready to go. Just need to grab the text
book. Hmm, maybe we could give ourselves
the day off? Hmm, I think we’ll do
that. We’ll just grab the kindle
instead. Then we can listen to some
music in one ear if Rich decides to be quieter.
Friday, April
13, 2012 9:03 AM
Good
morning. This is me. And I have to apologize because I know that it's been
quite a while since I've written. Today is Friday the last time we were here
was I believe on Sunday. There's really no good excuse for that except for that
we have been coming in and out of depression and seem to have trouble thinking
that there's anything important in her mind to be writing about. It's probably
not true. There are things to be writing about justice. It's hard to think of
things. The cat and I are trying to train each other. She wants me to respond
every time I write to her meowing and were trying to say when we’re starting to
write the last thing we want to do is pay attention to her meowing so stop
please.
So
where do we start? I think the first part is that we have been to Dr. Marvin's
two times this week on both Tuesday and Thursday and that seems to be the
strongest priority of our week. We did get the school reading done, and we are
almost done with the worksheet book relevant for Thursday's assignment, but we
have not handed in this. I'm yet to now it's today later so that has to get
done today. We are hoping that if we write this morning that a lever mind more
freely open to be doing some of these other tasks.
Any
way then we should start with Dr. Marvin sessions and see how far we get with
that. On Tuesday session Ann Marie was out almost the entire session. And then
on Thursday session, we recognize Anniemi out part of the session. Jesse had
part of the session and then Anne-Marie had a big part of the session again.
When
Anne-Marie is out, we feel very depressed and sullen and we have a hard time
lifting her head up our eyes are always focused on the floor and she likes to
cover herself at least her face. She seems responsive enough to Dr. Marvin's
questions. Some of the questions she does know how to answer. She talked a
little bit about some of the past, especially around her mother beating on her
and how she had hid with Anna. She also recognizes Gracie. And talked about
having younger parts which we have to assume are Mimi and crystal. As much
difficulty as she has facing Dr. Marvin the system believes that she has a
crush on him.
When
we woke up this morning we had just come from a dream where Rosie had been
holding our face and kind muzzling it in a nice way. Rosie was our old
cross-country ski coach and he never did anything on that manner he never
touched us romantically, but I think this is the aftereffect of the
relationship. She's having with Dr. Marvin. Dr. Marvin would also never touch
her romantically. We have to beat ourselves up your little bit because soon as
we say that we want to insert something like were not worthy of it, but we know
it's more than that. We know that they just have principles and ethics and they
wouldn't break the boundaries.
We
had the problem with BJ and that he lost his principles for moments at a time
and did open himself up to be touched or to be touching. We are so angry with
having had so much to do with religious people over the last 15 years. It seems
that it's really messed us up quite a bit. Somebody was talking the other day
about religion and it was like no - not going there. I do remember who was that
was saying it though. We just have very little faith and religious people.
Dr.
Marvin seems happy with the progress that we've been making. I know that. Jesse
came out at the end of last session and was very doubtful that this was a
progressive step forward. It's not easy to see them Jesse depressed. I don't
know if she really was, but it seemed she was down maybe taken back by the
whole situation. I'd have to think really hard about what it was that was
talked about. I do know that when Dr. Marvin during one of the sessions asked
Anne-Marie how old she was. She reported about 16 or 17 years of age. We think
several things happen at this point. She had obviously had a crush on her
teacher, coach and this was during the highest and lowest of her years at that
point she was suicidal. But at the same point she was earning the right to go
to state cross-country skiing competitively. That got wrapped in her wanting to
please Rosie the coach. There was also something in that this was the time that
the parents were fighting the most, the father had gotten depressed and ended
up in the hospital being suicidal and when he got out it was announced that
they were getting a divorce – my mother and father. About this time one more
part was created that was Jesse. Jesse represented that free part that went on
to school and later went on to Norway in and sort of was like our ambition and
disregard of everything that happened in our past life.
At
the time Anne-Marie was still getting hit and kicked that was one of the things
she told Dr. Marvin the first session was of my mother breaking her foot because
she had kicked Anne-Marie so hard. I think she sort of left. Although it was
uncomfortable, because she knew that if the mother had heard that she would've
gone crazier than she already had been. I think it's a point of pride for
Anne-Marie though that she could hurt the mother back without having done
anything to her.
We
just got ourselves another cup of coffee and remembered that were going have to
go into the doctor's office that we have to be there 2:30 pm. It's about 9:30
AM right now. The doctor's office had called for a follow-up on our needing
some kind of biopsy. We explained we didn't have the insurance anymore and that
we weren't sure if we were on Medicaid, yet. I think they're going to bill us
personally but they said that they would finish this mandatory meeting and then
after that we would have to find somebody else. I think that if the test proved
positive that we did need to have further surgery that we might take it back
University of Illinois would still have to check ourselves with Dr. Albright
and she would be arranging someone to do the surgery. I don't know how it's
going to turn out. I know that we were bleeding in December and March. And they
said that if it hadn't regulated itself by now that we are going to need to
have a hysterectomy. It'll either happen one way or the other. Who knows?
So
that means that about 1 PM I should be taking my shower. We just looked it up
again. I think the biopsy is called endometrial biopsy, but I'm not sure I go
at the time that we had hyperplasia. I had to look this up though, because I
didn't remember and the reason that they were looking at that was to rule out
further complications such as cancer. Okay that's about as much as I want to
say about that. I think we did tell Dr. Marvin that we were going in for today
but it was kind of a just informative thing. It might've had some affect. This
week though as far as how we were doing emotionally.
We
got a call from rich. Last night, but it seemed late. We had brought the phone
into the bedroom and were watching the show but had fallen asleep and then
after he called we turned off the light and turn the TV down real low and went
to bed was kind of up and down. He said that he had. They had just gotten there
somewhere in there, they would've had to eat and he said they were going
fishing. At the crack of dawn, whenever that is. I think he's happy and that's
important he really does work hard to get these points of rest. He would tell
you that he's actually working but I don't go with that flow.
I
know my honey bunny loves me. That's about all that is important in there.\I am
having trouble being more or less beside myself. We keep moving and stretching
and yawning. I can't seem to find a comfortable position. I feel like there' is
a lot of things to talk about, but we just can't get to the bottom of it.
My
dad loved that name. He called his dog, Buford.
We just saw a news article on a town named Buford. This particular town has a population of one
and is basically a trading post and a gas station. Maybe a small house with a
garage and that is about it. I think its 10 miles big. It was purchased by a
Vietnamese businessman who's not sure what is going to do if the town. I think
it cost about $900,000 but thousand acres of land for $900,000. That's not necessarily
bad either he said it was cold Wyoming figures. I just picked up the story
because of the name Buford, my dad's name was Ludford. He teased that he never
named one of his kids. That, but somehow I think you meant it.
Okay
enough of the silly stuff. I am still having trouble getting comfortable. The
cat is still meowing at me and I was trying to push her away. We don't want her
to meow every time we go to speak it is just very irritating. I don't know
what's going on in her mind know why she so upset with it. I want to eat
something but I know I can't were holding the 275 pounds weight and defer going
to get past that were going to have to not do. Snacking so far we've done
pretty well but it's really hard now that were tired and down. I feel like going
to bed for a while. I think I'm going to try that later…
We’re
back again … we’ve been talking with Linda for about an hour, but she’s been on
the phone with her mother for about 45 minutes.
Linda is writing in-between things.
We’re ok with that because we’re not working at a much faster pace. Her stepfather had acute transient attack or
ischemic. She is still talking to her
Mom … she naturally is quite upset.
This is the real stuff and although she complains enough about medical
stuff … she called this one right. Good
she was paying attention. It’s a warning
by reason.
We’re just going over parental ages … Ray
the stepfather is 86, Mrs. Garvey was like 82 and Rich’s mom is like 83 and my
mom is 72. Definitely she’s the younger
of the bunch. She has mobility issues
because of having a stroke before. Mrs.
Garvey the one out of the four mentioned looked the healthiest. Rich’s mom looks very old and uncared for …
lots of bruising and scabbing … no real flesh on her bones.
Maury
talked to me after Thom went back and he mentioned that Thom had also asked
that I be conscious of the weight. I
think the kids all worry about it because it puts me in an unhealthy
situation. I know that all of them want
me to hang around. I have to watch the
time now, it is about 1:45 PM … Ok, we got dressed and are still talking to
Linda … this time about people driving and when do they get too old and
such. Rich and I don’t get along with me
driving … he has TOO many complaints and it makes me hyper attentive and then I
DO have problems. Last time … just
stopped the car got out … and made him take over. I VERY rarely complain about his driving
except the amount of time he will wait in turning on the windshield wipers AND
how close he will get to the driver in front of him without turning to the next
lane to pass. AND one more he has
trouble moving over to let the next guy ONTO the expressway … AND one more …
too much attention to the computer while driving. WOW! I
had a lotta complaints didn’t I?
Saturday, April 14, 2012 8:39 AM
Good
morning. This is me again. Okay, no surprise there is about 8:40 AM and I've
been up for about 40 min. I'm edgy and tired and not feeling my best self. I
wish I could feel happier with that I was doing something more worthwhile. But
I'm just staggering by. We did talk to Linda for a little bit last night, but
then soon watch TV, we had a drink, and we didn't go downstairs to get the
phone so we missed riches call. I'm sure is not going to be happy about that.
But by that time we were already undressed and too tired to manage the stairs.
There'd also been simply be left over from the procedure so we weren't doing so
well physically.
The
doctor’s appointment was hard in that for one somebody was touching her private
area. And that's never good. The second part was that the procedure itself was
very uncomfortable. We had the endometriosis biopsy, and we had to do the Pap
smear. The pap smear was nothing in comparison to the other. He says that he's
going to do the procedure three times and that each time it's going to feel
like cramping and that each time we would have to go through it for at least 10
seconds. So that was in total 30 seconds of hard pain. I guess I don't have to
belabor that any longer. There was bleeding at the end, but I should've
expected that is normal. I just forgot about that part it's all a startling to
see blood.
I
think I told Linda. And I did a shorter version of that to Rich in e-mail. I'm
hoping that he turns on his computer to see what I might've. Usually though
he's pretty tired at night and if not fixing his polls and reels. He's pretty
much gone straight to bed. The results of the test will come in within 3 to 5
days. At that point, the doctor, Dr. Lin will call and let us know if I still
have hyperplasia or not. If I don't have it I won't have to do anything for a
year until it's time to be tested again. If I do have it, it means that I will
have a hysterectomy within the month. He understood that I was going to Vietnam
in August and so I would want it done as soon as possible if that was to be the
case.
We
will have to see how that all goes. I am
hoping that I will get the call before Thursday, so I have a chance to talk to
Dr. Marvin about it one way or the other.
Last
night was really a tiresome night. I wish I could change up the news as to
saying that I did something productive for I felt like doing school work. That
would be a nice change of pace. I'm wearing about my class now in the grades. I
know that I'm more than acceptable limit of time for handing in Thursday's
assignment. And I didn't get the two days of comments in. I keep yawning and
stretching trying to wake myself up but it just seems like were going nowhere.
I'm just not motivated. I did end up paying $300 of the $850 bill. Plus I paid a
little bit more into the last bill which only $20.30 was remaining. The doctor
said that they would not get rid of me as a client because I was going from
insurance to public aid, although the office manager said I would have to find
another doctor. So I don't know which has the most reliable information. I am
hoping it's the doctor because truth be told I would rather stay where I
matched and having all this information photo over to UIC and have to get used
to a whole new perspective on this problem.
I
don't know what rich is going to say when I tell him I put so much money down,
but I thought it had to be substantial. I was given a lot of problem in getting
the procedure completed. Of course I had to tell them right away about the
insurance and then there was notes in my folder and the office administrator
that I talk to wasn't there and so the lady went back to the doctor and they
suggested that because of the cost that I come back in a month or two after I
threatened Medicaid but that wasn't satisfactory to me because we'd already
been bleeding just last month, and I didn't want to put off because I didn't
have enough money. It was just too much time spent worrying about what was
going to happen next. By way of figuring it was that I am sure I going to have
April spend down and so it doesn't matter whether I pay the doctor or if I pay
Medicaid one where another I was going to have to be out money so I figured
might as well have it this way. I don't know if that messes with the
arrangements that rich was making with Medicaid. I'm just not used not being
able to get what I want one. I wanted how I wanted, in that respect. I was
pretty spoiled with having insurance, although I was paying five or $600 a
month for it.
Moving
on…
We
just poured ourselves a second cup of coffee that has to be some progress on
the day right?
I
don't know what else to write about although I would like to try thinking
through the situation with Dr. Marvin again because that had been so important
to our week. The once or twice that we got a chance to look at Dr. Marvin, we
felt that we were swooning. It didn't happen when Jesse was looking at him, but
in between when Anne-Marie was out and probably Anniemi. I know we have gone
through crushes with Dr. Marvin before and we have similar crush on Anderson
Cooper. There was once this week while we are watching his nighttime show and
we just started giggling and giggling with him. It was on the ridiculous list.
He is just one of the most adorable people we've ever wanted to meet. Given the
choice between Anderson and Dr. Marvin, I'm pretty sure we would take Dr.
Marvin, but – Anderson is a pretty good substitute in-between times.
We've
got to get over our school girl crush well I know it is Anne-Marie and she has
some right to go through whatever she's going to go through. It's just that we
see the writing on the wall and we are pretty darn sure that Dr. Marvin is
quaint all of a sudden flip over to want to be a 16-year-old interest wrapped
in a 52-year-old body. Beside that we have to keep going back to the part that
Dr. Marvin has integrity. He would never rule in the client patient
relationship we have with him is very much the professional, which probably
makes even that much more fun to think of him as a crush okay you've got us
there. He is the safest person we know.
I
think that when Dr. Marvin starts working with Anne-Marie she feels very shy of
him. She hides either under her hands or facing the corner or facing the floor.
I know we've written this part before but it seems like this is the first part
we get stuck on after dealing with the part where she's got the crush. I think
that Dr. Marvin must be the biggest temptress because he is so nice and
pleasant and good-humored and smart and everything in between. I think anybody
would have a hard time not falling in love with him.
We
don't really have access to the conversation that they were having. This is the
most frustrating part of our week other than those things that were trying to
avoid like school and being the domestic goddess that Rich wants us to be. If
we stop thinking about where Anne-Marie and Dr. Marvin were at then we have to
go back to thinking about the other although the perspective we have at this
moment is that the Michael back to bed instead, maybe that is the easy way out.
I should go downstairs and get the phone from the car to but I'm not ready for
that. We still are yawning and stretching trying to wake ourselves up training
at the physical stamina to sit up straight and are chaired to get our mind in
the right direction. There's so much to do. I don't know which one to start
first and I don't want to start anything at all.
I
suppose it is feared than to leave Dr. Marvin in the point of view that we
don't really have anything to say on that direction. We weren't really included
too much all I redo remember something. Anne-Marie was going a little crazy
with the thought of us talking all at the same time. I don't know if we realize
that we are doing that to her, not but it would seem to make sense as to all
the effort she goes to be perfectly quiet and still not having all these
thoughts presented insider her head. Perhaps in a normal person this would just
be thought of as thinking, but because the thoughts don't come from Anne-Marie
there more like our voices to her. One way or another we have to agree to that
we not be processing all of our thoughts at the same time she is trying to
think we think were helping because we asked questions and try to answer for
her but it's not helping because the thoughts archers I know that we know that
it is just another hard thing to adjust to. There are always rules coming at us
from one direction or another.
We
are back again. I don't know where we've been, except for we have been scanning
it wills news and such. It is now about 10 AM. We are very hungry but know that
we can't have anything to eat for another hour and a half. It's basically the
new rules that we've settled on over the last dozen or pounds so lost. This
morning we checked in at 274.8 which is a much under 275 but the fact is that
it is under 275 especially for what we ate yesterday he wasn't really out of
the normal except for we had the strawberry banana smoothie and that was like
410 calories. So I feel grateful that we did lose something. I think we were
just at the 275 mark. I feel very restless. I don't know what to do anything
besides what I'm supposed to do. We just poured ourselves another cup of coffee
and are backing off another excuse to sit here for a while. I am such a louse.
I would so much rather just go back to bed I wouldn't have to think or do
anything it be that's the answer name going to lay down for a while.
Sunday, April 15, 2012 1:52 PM.
Good
afternoon. This is me, and it's midday Sunday. Hopefully racial be home within
about 5 to 7 hours. I will be so happy to see him come through the door and now
I don't have to be embarrassed either because we did pick up. I don't think we
could have done this without Linda's help she kind of gave me the other side of
not letting Maury come by because the house was picked up enough. So the way it
worked out was that I was IMing with Linda and then she got a phone call or two
and so while waiting for her. I started picking up and before you knew it the
whole house was clean and I was dressed and everything was ready to go and
Maury did get to stop by. He just left now.
We
gave him a little bundle of stuff in that rich had brought home, with him some
extra stuff from his last job and it had meant to go to Maury and his family.
There were two small e-readers. And for headphones that could hold MP3
downloads. There's no promise that they're going to work or continue to work
but be that as they may. It was Maury's and being that Maury is the way he is
he's always appreciative. We also remembered well Maury was here that the girls
had written and asked to be supported for their cancer walk and so we went in
the bedroom and we had enough money to give Maury $120 for the walk and it was
up to him whether he wanted to split it $30 between the four of them or if you
wanted to go 40-40 for Nikki and him and 20 for each of the two girls. Maury
teased about going $10 for everyone and $90 for him but I didn't think that was
going to happen so well. I know he was teasing me. He said he probably go 30
All the Way around. Good Maury. I know it's a hard lesson for the kids. But
it's also hard lesson for the parents too to have an extra hundred and $20 in
the pocket and not be able to spend it on themselves but Maury is going the
right direction is giving it towards the cancer foundation for breast cancer
and he's doing the walk with him and his family. I'm very proud of him and for
that I want to donate.
Maurice
visits are always good visits. We did do a little talking about jasmines
birthday coming up and we went over a few things I'm still unsure is what I
want to do there in an ideal situation I would ring her to with her mother and
sister to a fabric store, better pickups a few colors and then make a big for
her but I'm not sure if I'm able to do all that I would also put in the bag a
$20 bill but just not sure how that's going happen. I've got about a month to
figure it out though. I suppose if I told Linda. Then she would try to get me
to do it the right way just not sure about that.
Maury
listen to me a little bit as far as my complaints I hadn't been doing very much
over the last four days have gotten my school caught up. I housework and gotten
behind everything was from me. I was just watching TV. And he seemed
understand. I don't think anybody likes it but it's important for me to know
that he knows that happens in that I'm not just a perfect person or nothing.
Far be it for Maury to call me perfect.*Giggling* that's a good sign. At least.
I'm giggling again.
It
seems pretty humid outside right now, although it's very windy. The day is kind
of overcast and I'm not sure whether I should turn on the fan to produce some
cooler air. Maybe it was mistake opening the curtains but it sure does a lot
for my spirits with some bright a light in.
This
was Maury's first week that was a full week of work. Poor kid is like me would
rather not be working and spending the time - otherwise, with family. He still
young man though he's got plenty of years left to go. We talked a little bit
about our financial situation. When we were dealing with the money for the
cancer and we told him that I thought because I was making less money. I should
have to put in less money but rich is holding me to paying half of everything
and Maury said he usually tends to think with Rich. I suppose. It just doesn't
leave too much extra left over a flame riches. Keeping things controlled enough
so he knows where the money is because I sure don't know I just know I'm not
supposed to spend money this other deal was okay, though. Rich had already
reminded me. There was money on the counter for this cancer fund through the
kids.
I'm
really glad he understood that because it was important for me. We talked to
Maury about candy striping at a local hospital something that I had done for
volunteerism I was a kid. It didn't seem like he was too interested but I was
proud that he was doing other things for the kids like he's got. Jasmine in art
class now, and I think it's over at the park district for at least six weeks.
It's a good thing for her. I hope it adds to her sense of determination to get
things done and completed. I wouldn’t want to tell her about how determined I
get some times. I'd probably be a terrible role model. Anything that the Maury
and Nikki do for the girls, I just in am enthralled with.
There
were some other bad parts of the conversation and that since we hadn't talked
since. Maury had left for vacation then the funeral of his grandmother; we
hadn't gotten a chance to really talk about that. We talked about the funeral
along with the wake and the other services. I don't think Maury really likes
the priest because he was hard to understand and he wasn't happy that as oldest
grandson, I just think he would've liked to done more for the service. The
other part was the way the family handle the money situation and the will
pretty much it seemed like a free-for-all with the Garvey immediate children
which meant my ex and his siblings Maury thought that the grandmother had about
$3 million plus I believe she has on top of that the houses to and then other
things like vehicles. From the sounds of it so the only body that received
anything was the six kids; which means that each of them got at least $500,000
plus much more. Things were very shortchanged. As to the grandchildren and that
they didn't even get a moment. Oh from one of the homes Maury I hope to at
least get a car out of the deal because she has extra 67 passenger vans which
would've been very nice for his family, but the children took those two, and
nobody was getting anything from them. There was a full huge bookshelf full of
books mostly on the Civil War and Maury's father took out four books and said
okay that's enough so that so Maury got is for books and I'm not sure if you
didn't have to split those with his brothers.
In
the meantime Maury my ex retired. She died on Friday and by Saturday he had his
house on the market and they were buying a new house and he was through with
work. I can't blame him and that I think is like four years older than me and I
didn't want to work either and I suppose if somebody gave me a half-million
dollars. That would be great incentive not to work but I do hold him at fault
for not giving the kids at least 10 or $20,000 each as some kind of symbol of
this money now. As far as the will was written up; if anything was to happen to
the original son or daughter that it would go to their spouse and then it would
get evenly distributed to their kids and since Maury is part of a blended
family. The three of Jackie's kids will get as much is my three sons. If both
of a more to die. That would've been a hard thing to avoid but because the
family was so stringent and not giving the grandchildren anything at all, while
accepting such big gifts for them. It's really a terrible situation for the
grandchildren and will build animosity between the families. It was also hard
that Maury knew if anything happened to his father that his stepmother would
get all the money and he would not have any money. So if she chose to take the
money and for example change the will to give to her three children and not
Maury and his brothers that they could be out of any kind of inheritance
whatsoever.
There's
not too much else I want to say about that matter although I think that Maury
while probably mad is probably at this point more hurt than mad it just doesn't
seem like such a good situation and I'm embarrassed for the father I am just
really horrified with what he decided to do.
AHA! I made the call. I called Nikki and asked her if she and
Jasmine or anyone else around would like to go to the quilt store we saw in
Barrington – you know the one with the Amish women? That really was my favorite and it’s only 35
Minutes from Nikki and Maury’s place (22 miles). It’s not too extravagant. I left the message on Nikki’s phone, but it
might have been her business number that’s always confusing. I hope she takes up the offer … it would
really be nice to have a girls day out and maybe stop like you and me did for a
soup and sandwich. Sweet! We’d have to watch the cost but it would be a
new tradition for the next year for birthday’s for the girls. Jasmine was the first for the quilt and now
we’re up to the next year … Maury brought up the idea of the purse, so maybe we
could do that … Just one at a time – and hopefully made out of fat quarters so
the girls could have a variety. Wouldn’t
it be fun!
I
went into the sewing room to get the coke and felt that familiar tugging of my
strings to be sewing, but it’s been so long I don’t know if I could. We have some Saturday Sampler fabrics cut …
just be a couple of squares. Surely I
would remember how to do it again, right?
I don’t even feel like a quilter anymore … and now you are all talking
about getting together in May …. Not sure what I think of all that. I’m so lame.
Ok, ok … none of that negative stuff.
Wouldn’t Rich be so proud?!! And,
Linda?!!!! Shhh. Getting a little too excited. Maybe we should just walk in there for five
minutes and see how it goes. BRB.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 11:26 AM
Excerpt from Linda’s note.
We weighed in this morning with Rich. It was the 5th week marker which
means we’re 25% done and so far we’ve lost 14.5 pounds – we weighed in this
morning at 272.2 – OFFICIAL weigh in day.
It also means we’re losing an average of 2.9 pounds a week. Last week was the only week we went up and we
know it was tied to jelly beans, marshmallow and chocolate bunnies. Hmm, thinking that wasn’t such a good
deal. We’re on schedule for losing 57.6
pounds by the time we go, but no one is thinking this is going to be easy. We’re thinking that we’re going to have to
start walking or biking pretty soon.
Poor Rich isnt’ doing as well and he DOES get a lot of exercise. He started at 284.4 and went down as much as
5.4, but this morning checked in at 281, meaning he’s only lost 3.4 pounds or
an average of less than a pound a week.
I feel really badly for him. I
think it’s his eating style he doesn’t eat breakfast and then adds an extra
sandwich at lunch and then eats 2-3 times more dinner than we do. We appreciably have the smaller stomach due
to the surgery, but we can’t convince he’s still eating too much. We’re now almost 9 pounds ahead of him
although we started more than 2.5 pounds heavier. I don’t want him to get discouraged because
we both need to do this together. He’s
talking more about walking, but I’m not sure if the amount I could walk would
really add to his exercise. I mean he
stands and moves all the time with fishing and umping. I just don’t know what else besides
overeating he is doing. It really seems
unfair especially considering what a couch potato we are. Even at that if Annemarie wasn’t on board, we
wouldn’t be able to do what we’re doing.
She gets a lot of credit.
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