Attention :)

Please also see Ann's Web Page called Multiplework

Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Updated! Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 100 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our email is and our Twitter account (@aynetal3), which lists approximately 300 Multiples. Keep looking for others - they are OUT there!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Wednesday, 2/22/2012 4:56 PM

We figure that we're doing pretty well.  We're sitting here talking to Linda right now.  Just stuff in general.  We're both drinking coffee.  We have probably had better ideas, but for now … couldn't think of a better thing to do with our time than having coffee with Linda. We haven't seen Linda since before Dr. Marvin's yesterday, I think - maybe?  Did we see her last night?  Hmm, just don't remember. {**PTPR-good/bad, **PAFD-Linda, **PACT-talk/speak, **PACT-drink/eat, **PTPR-better/improve, **PTP-ideas/incubator, **PTP-problem solve, **PA-DRM, **PTP-question, **PTP-remember/memory/retrieve}

The most exciting thing I could say right now is that we just finished our second Master’s course final project paper and it was on time. I am so happy and relieved. I spent most of the time last week on it, and then we had it reviewed by Dr. Marvin, and then we sat on it for like two or three days. It finally just needed to get done even though it's not due until Saturday.  Linda seems to have disappeared. I wonder where she really goes. For all I know, she could be having a mass orgy over there. But, would she really have one without inviting me?  She's been gone 3 min. now, and will probably not even realize she was gone after she gets back. That's okay… Now we have our trustee Dragon to keep us company. {**PF-excite, **PTP-complete/conclude, **DSM, **DSC-paper, **DSC, **D-project, **TS-time past, **PF-happy, **PF-relief, **PTP-review/go back to, **PA-DRM, **SGO-schedule, **PF-abandon, **PACT-interact **PAFD-Linda, **PACT-move/go, **PACT-sex, **PACT-invite, **PTPR-okay, **TS-time present **PF-trust,  **SMS-Dragon}

We talked to Dr. Marvin last night. It seemed like everything was going pretty good. We’re giving him a general rundown on how school was going and home and friendship and all.  But then we started thinking about how we are lost at not being able to keep track of ourselves.  The first markers were that we had wanted to do something on the Internet, and the second marker was it had something to do again with our writing. It seems like it has been a long time since we've really written. We know that over the last couple weeks somebody in the system has been playing with Outlook and OneNote ideas. And sometime in there, we received our new Microsoft software from Connie Sue, and then last night, we took out the program and started to think more seriously about it. There wasn't much time to play with it before bedtime because we were tired, but we knew that we would wake up again in the morning and go pretty much straight to it. {*PACT-talk/speak, **PA-DRM,  **PACT-move/go, **PTPR-good/bad, **PTP-review/go back to, **DS, **DH, **PAFD, PF-lost, **PTP-remember/memory/retrieve, **PTP-markers, **DC-Internet, **PACTWE, **TS-time past, **SMS, ** DCS-Outlook, **DCS-OneNote, **PTPR-new/old, **DCS-Microsoft, **PAFM-Connie Sue, **D-program, **PTPR-serious/seriously, **PACT-play/work, **PF-sleepy/tired, **PACT-progress}

So that is where we are today, except to say with all our heart, we have Dragon and we love him. Dragon is going to be one of our new best friends. And dragon's name is "Dragon." It is just so nice that all the time that Linda is typing, we can just talk and things are getting written at an amazing speed compared to the old days when we used to write all day in the blog. Using Dragon, we have some chance of actually being able to record things and write without spending all the time in the world to do it.  For those who don't know, Dragon is short for Dragon Naturally Speaking, and it is speech recognition software where you speak and it types fast. And, do you want to know another thing? With just clicking on the cursor, I can speak in both the OneNote screen and the Linda Facebook message window on our second screen at the same time and – it's a pretty good deal. Basically, more parts have the ability to speak and interact on different platforms at the same time. Sometimes our minds get restless because of their tendency to think quickly between them. {**PTP-complete/conclude, **PF-love, **PTP-explain, **SMS-Dragon, **PACT-move/go, **PTPR-new/old, **PAFD, **PTPR-nice/sweet, **PAFD-Linda, **PACT-talk/speak, **PACTWE, **PF-amaze/astonish, **PTPR-fast, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **TS-time past, **PF-restless, **PACTWE-journal/blog, **PF-hope, **PACT-record, **D-world, **PTP-question, **PACT-direct/instruct, **DCS-OneNote, **DC, **DCI-Facebook, **SMS, *PTPR-good/bad, **PTP-skill/ability, **PACT-interact, **DA-platform, **SMS-mind(s)}

We are thinking poor Linda. She didn't see that one coming. As well, she was writing about one of her friends and I inserted something about skipping that topic, which isn't very interesting to me, and then going over to the topic of the other woman' sex life. That is much more like my interest. I know bad – bad me. It is just too much psychological weight has been lifted in finishing the paper, and then having to talk about something that is less than stellar? {**PF-sympathy, **PAFD-Linda, **PF-surprise, **PF-restless, **PACT-move/go, **D-area-topic, **PACT-sex, **PF-interest, **PTPR-good/bad, **PF-burden, **PF-relief, **DSC-paper, **PACT-talk/speak, **PTPR-stellar}

Anyway … I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. {**PTP-anyway/whatever/so what/etcetera, **PACT-apologize, **PTP-mean/meant/clarify, **PACT-rude}

We opened the Outlook software first, and then we looked for something within the software that would connect it to the OneNote software, because we figured that if we could integrate the two, then we would have the better program system. And that's what it seems like we are looking for. We are looking for a new system. We talked to Dr. Marvin and the problem seems to be – is that were losing too much time during the day. We don't know who starts one thing, and who ends the next. And, we were talking to him about not being able to remember what we were saying in our school papers from the beginning of one paragraph to the end of the same paragraph, and how much that was affecting us while we were editing our paper. We are figuring part of it might be being in a multiples’ system, but another part might be just because of our brain does not have the correct retrieval abilities. {**DCS-Outlook, **PACT-order/sequence, **PACT-look/see, **DCS-OneNote, **PTP-if/then, **PTPR-better/improve, *PTP-add/blend/integrate/mix, **D-program, **PTP-systematize, **PTP-problem/solve, **PTPR-new/old, **PTP-ideas/incubator, **PACT-talk/speak, **PA-DRM, **PF-confuse-unsure, **PTP-remember/memory/retrieve, **PF-lost, **DS, **DSC-paper, **PACT-affect, **SMS, *SMS-brain, **PTPR-correct/incorrect, **PTP-skill/ability}

We had better luck finding extra features on the OneNote software, although we found that they both have a system where you can press an option and then that option takes you to an add- in place. In at least one of the additions, it seems as if you can add more maneuverability between OneNote and Outlook. {**PTP-luck, **PTPR-better/improve, **PTP-choice/option/feature, **DCS-OneNote, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **PACT-search/find/discover, **PTP-systematize, **PTPR-flexible, **PTP-complete/conclude, **DCS-Outlook}

Linda is gone now. Rich called and said that he had forgotten, but tonight was Wednesday and we would have to go out for dinner.  Not that going out to dinner is such a bad thing; it's actually kind of nice. But, that meant that I had to stop talking to Linda. I had to get into the shower, and I would have to get dressed. None of that sounds like very much fun. But, by now Rich is home; he's in the kitchen. He's probably thinking were pretty strange – though this is not a new concept to him, but this time it is because he’s not used to us talking out loud to our new pet Dragon. But I got my new-fangled friend Dragon, and he’s here to stay. {**PAFD-Linda, **PACT-go/gone, **SRR, **PTP-routine **SGO-schedule, **PACT-drink/eat, **PTPR-good/bad, **PTPR-nice/sweet, **PTP-mean/meant/clarify, **PACT-talk/speak, **PACT-shower/dress, **PTPR-fun/not fun,  **DH-kitchen, **PTPR-strange/normal, **PTPR-new/old, **PTP-concept, **PACT-talk/speak, **PAFD, **SMS-Dragon, **PTPR-permanent/temporary}

I think I'm going to write another book again. I don't know what's so special about today, but if I just keep talking then maybe a book will happen by accident. It can't get less crazy than that right? {**PACTWE, **DB, **PACT-move/go, **PF-confuse/unsure, **PF-special, **TS-time present, **PACT-talk/speak, **D-accident, **PTPR-strange/normal, **PTP-question}

Okay enough of that moving on… {**PTPR-okay, **PTP-complete/conclude, **PACT-move}

Let's go back to where we open the Outlook software and the OneNote software. We found out on the OneNote software, it would let me see under the -- switch screens again.  Okay it's on the home screen. You can write down like an Outlook task, and then when I press that key or link, it marks a note that goes to both OneNote and to Outlook. So that was the start and then this is the happy me. Good enough.  Hmm, it won't type the word Ann for me - it thinks I'm saying "and" so for a while until I can figure out another way, we're going to our first part’s name of Mimi. I like that! Wow! It can type Mimi no problem. {**PTP-review/go back to, **DCS-Outlook, **DC-task, **PACT-move/go, **DCS-OneNote, **PACT-search/find/discover, **PTPR-okay, **DC-screen, **PTP-analysis, **PACT-process, **PTP-problem/solve, **DC-link/key, D-note, **PACTWE, **PACT-describe/explain,*PF-happy, **SMS-Ann, **PTPR-good/bad, **SMS-Mimi, **PF-excite}

I better be more conscientious of the time. It is now 5:13 PM and Rich has set-up that we go out to dinner at 5:30 PM. So basically what I did is this morning, was that I played in the OneNote software and I added new notebooks to the left-hand margin.  {**PTPR-better/improve, **PTP-conscious/conscientious, **TS-time present, **SRR, **PACT-move/go, **PTP-routine **SGO-schedule, **PACT-describe/explain, **PACT-play/work, **DCS-OneNote, **PTPR-new/old, **D-notebook}

Unfiled Notes





Mischief (for the two cats Missy and Chief)







{**PACT-file/fill, **DC-notes, **S-personal, **SRR, **PAFM, **PAFD, **SC, **DS, **D-volunteer AQ, **D-quilting, **DC, **DH-household, **DC-downloads}

I had to type that in by hand because when I said it into Dragon, it took me up to those tabs and shut them down. This will take some experimentation. In the school link, it allowed me to put down a tab for how we were doing in school, and a tab for each of the classes - adult education, then a tab for business grants - the one which is finishing up now, and then the next tab for the strategy course which we will start in March.  Then, for the first two courses, both adult education theory courses, we are going to just put in our papers under the new page. {**PTP-problem/solve, **PACT-type, **DBP-hand, **PACT-talk/speak, **SMS-Dragon, **DC-tabs, **PACT-process, **PACT-experiment, **DC-link, **DS, **PTP-allow/accept/reject, **DC-tabs, **DSCM–1/Adult Learning Theory, **DSCM-2/Business Management for Learning Organizations – Grants, **DSCM-3/Strategic Planning for Educators, **PTP-complete/conclude, **SGO-schedule, **PTP-analyze, **PACT-move/go, **DSC-paper, **PTPR-new/old, **DC-page}

For the course we're just finishing in business, what we did was go throughout the whole course and list everything that was listed underneath the course headings such as syllabus, project, references, and the eight separate weeks. It was a lot of information to add. And then before we stopped, we went back and added all the information from the forum just under my name.  So, if I wrote a document in the forum or someone had one written in the forum to me I would copy it down under that week's lesson which is titled something like 5.1. The first number means which week we are in and the second number is which assignment during that given week.  Again, each course has eight weeks and they start on the odd-numbered months.  From this point on, I can collect information from the classes in a more permanent spot, so that I can remember them, and then it should be a good reference for me. Dr. Marvin and I figured out last night that I have two of my ten courses completed for the Master’s program and that my doctoral program is - I have to check this, but I believe the second program has 24 courses. {**PACT-describe/explain, **PTP-complete/conclude, **DSCM-2/Business Management for Learning Organizations - Grants, **PACT-move/go,  **DSC, **PACT-list, **PTP-summary/evaluate, **DC-headings, **DSC-syllabus, **D-project, **DSC-paper/references, **SGO-schedule, **PTP-information, **PTP-analyze, **PTP-synthesize, **DS-forum, **DC-document, **DC-copy/paste, **DS-lesson, **PACT-label, **DSC-module, **PTP-mean/meant/clarify, **DS-assignment, **PTPR-begin/end, **PACT-collect/capture, **DSC, **PTPR-permanent/temporary, **PTP-remember/memory/retrieve, **PTPR-should/ought, **PTPR-good/bad, **PTP-reference/orientate, **PA-DRM, **DSM, **D-program, **DSD, **PACT-check/look-up, **PACT-order/sequence, }  

I am correct. Yay!  The doctorate program is actually 72 credit hours and at three credits each hour that's 24 courses. The first course is orientation. The next eight courses are core content courses in foundations of adult learning, program planning, needs analysis, instructional design, instructional delivery methods, and assessment of learning program, managing change, and leadership in Adult Education. The next areas are three research courses are in foundations of doctoral research methods, qualitative doctoral research methods, and quantitative doctoral research methods. And then you have to take one leadership capstone specialization course, and I would be in the adult education leadership capstone course. Let me read that for the record {**PTPR-correct/incorrect, **PF-excite, **DSD, **program, **DS-credits, **DSC, **DSCD-0/Orientation, **DSC-core/content, **DSCD-1/Foundation of Adult Learning, **DSCD-2/Program Planning, **DSCD-3/Needs Analysis, **DSCD-4/Instructional Design, **DSCD-5/Instructional Delivery Methods, **DSCD-6/Assessment of Learning Program, **DSCD-7/Managing Change, **DSCD-8/Leadership in Adult Education, **D-area, **DSCD-research, **DSCD-9/Doctoral Research Methods, Foundation, **DSCD-10/Doctoral Research Methods, Qualitative, **DSCD-11/Doctoral Research Methods, Quantitative, **DSCD-12/Doctoral Adult Education Leadership Capstone, **DSC-specialization/destiny, **PACT-read, **D-record}

EDU 783: Adult education leadership capstone overview – Adult education leadership covers the principles and practices of being a leader in an organization with adult education programs. It provides the knowledge skills and abilities to accurately and completely evaluate and implement principle strategies and methodologies for leading adult education programs. The course blends two instructional strategies. First, the student explores the basic principles and related practices, strategies and methodologies of leadership and adult education programs. Second, the student applies these learned principles and practices in a sponsored synthesizing project applying adult education leadership principles, strategies and methodologies in an adult learning organization. {**DSCD-12/Doctoral Adult Education Leadership Capstone, **PTP-review/go back to, **PTP-principle/practice/procedure, **PA-leader, *D-organization/business, **DS-adult education, **D-program, **PACT-describe/explain, **PTP-knowledge, **PTP-skill/ability, **PTPR-accurate, **PTP-complete/conclude, **PTP-summary/evaluate, **PACT-implement, **S, **PTP-methodology, **PTP-lead, **DSC, **PACT-add/blend/integrate/mix, **PTP-educate/teach/instruct, **PACT-apply, **PTP-learn/study, **PA-sponsor, **PTP-synthesis, **D-project, **DS-adult education, **D-organization/business}

Sweet! Not that the words were as understandable to me now as sweet that Dragon just that put it all down as one strong line in just 3 seconds.  {**PF-excite, **PTP-understand, **TS-time now, **PTPR-nice/sweet, **SMS-Dragon, **PACT-describe/explain, **T}

Going back to the program now after the capstone class is taken, you take a comprehensive examination from the school of education and then you take a formal proposal class for the school of education. The next thing is to write the dissertation which is 16 credits for four classes. The first course is dissertation data-gathering. The second course is dissertation analysis. The next class is dissertation results. And then the last one is dissertation final defense. That is the research end of things. The next part is the writing aspect and there are 13 dissertation writing courses. The courses are foundations of doctoral writing, foundations of the doctoral research, structure of the literature review, developing the research question, structure of the research methodology, structure of the introduction and the prospectus, initial drafts of the literature review, initial drafts of the research methodology, final draft of the literature review, final draft of the research methodology, initial drafts of the introduction, final draft of introduction, and IRB application, proposal, and IRB approval. {**PTP-review/go back to, **D-program, **TS-time present, **DS-capstone, **DSC, **PACT-describe/explain, **DSCD-/13 Comprehension Examination, **DS-education, **DSCD-14/Formal Proposal, **DSDD, **DS-credits, **DSC,  **PACT-list, **DSCDD-1/Data Gathering, **DSCDD-2/Analysis, **DSCDD-3/Results, **DSCDD-4/Final Defense, **DS-Research, **PACTWE, **DSCDDW-1/Foundations, **DSCDDW-2/Research, **DSCDDW-3/Structure of the Literature Review, **DSCDDW-4/Developing the Research Question, **DSCDDW-5/Structure of the Research Methodology, **DSCDDW-6/Structure of the Introduction and the Prospectus, **DSCDDW-7/Initial Drafts of the Literature Review, **DSCDDW-8/Initial Drafts of the Research Methodology, **DSCDDW-9/Final Draft of the Literature Review, **DSCDDW-10/Final Draft of the Research Methodology, **DSCDDW-11/Initial Drafts of the Introduction, **DSCDDW-12/Final Draft of Introduction, **DSCDDW-13/IRB Application, Proposal and IRB Approval}

While I don't really want to go through all that right now, it's good information to keep putting back in my mind. What I would really like to think about is – Is it almost dinnertime? {

{**PTP-compare/consider/compete, **PACT-move/go, **TS-time present, **PTPR-good/bad, **PTP-information, **SMS-mind(s), **PTP-contemplate/conjecture, **PTP-question, **PACT-drink/eat}

Okay, one more thing about the OneNote software later is that along the top of the tabs with the first being the school heading, there will be a sub –notebook for each of our classes, and then down on the right hand column where the new page tabs is – is where we list all the different sections or weeks of the class. I think we talked about that earlier, but I'm going to test it out right now. There's a function on here for searching. Let me give that a try. {**PTPR-okay, **PTP-contemplate/conjecture, **DCS-OneNote, **TS-time future, **PACT-describe/explain, **DC-tabs, **PACT-order/sequence, **DC-headings, **D-notebook, **DSC,  **PTPR-new/old, **DC-page, **PACT-list, **DC-sections, **T, **PF-confuse/unsure, **PACT-talk/speak, **PACT-move/go, **TS-time future, **PACT-test/try, **DC-function, **TS-time present}

Okay, we tried that out and it does seem to work. When we click in the search box and enter a word – we used the word strategy, and then all the applications of that word throughout all the different notebooks became visible as links. And, then when I clicked on one link, it took me to the place of the document where that word was found, and it highlights the word so it's easy to see. Good deal.  {**PTPR-okay, **PACT-test/try, **PTPR-succeed/fail, **PTPR-play/work, **PACT-describe/explain, **PACT-search/find/discover, **S, **D-application, **D-notebook, **PACT-look/see, **D-link, **DC-document, **DC-highlights, **PTPR-easy, **PACT-look/see**PTPR-good/bad}

The nice thing about that, although it is hard to imagine being able to use a source that big, I can write ten Master's classes plus twenty-four doctorate classes and so get thirty-four classes to graduate. So that is six classes a year and so school is going to take me five years and four months. But, all the information that I will work with from the second course on will all be captured in OneNote. Wow! What a program.  We are calling this section Mimi's Dragon. For the time being, it is our new blog. I can hardly wait to get back and start filling out some of the other sections. I am going to have to get used to the part where Rich can be listening to me talk, and he's going to think I am pretty darn funny. Or, he'll think I'm just strange – probably nothing new there. I better go now. Rich wants me to go out to eat.  Bye! {**PTPR-nice/sweet, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **PTPR-hard, **PTP-imagine/create, **DC-source, **PTPR-big/large/small **PACTWE, **DSM, **DSC, **DSD, **DS-graduate, **SGO-schedule, **TS-time future, **DS, **PTP-information, **D-play/work, **PACT-describe/explain, **PACT-move/go, **DSC, **PACT-collect/capture, **DCS-OneNote, **PF-excite, D-program, **DC-section, **SMS-Mimi, **SMS-Dragon, **TS-time present, **DC-blog, **PF-anticipation, **PTP-review/go back to, **PACT-file/fill, **PTP-complete/conclude, **PTP-adjust, **PTPR-better/improve, **SRR, **PACT-listen, **PACT-talk/speak, **PTPR-fun/not fun, **PTP-contemplate/conjecture, **PTPR-strange/normal, **PTPR-new/old, **PTP-choose/decide,**PTP-routine, **PACT-drink/eat}

February 23, 2012 1:34 AM

This is this is the new Mimi. I know it is very late, but I stayed up to finish my paper. I cannot believe it is over – this course is over. 8.1 ended–up being very quick and easy, but it took some time to read through. I read one and a half pages of the assignment, and then I stopped because I only had about 40 min. left before was time to submit an entry. As it was, I was like 36 seconds late – after one o'clock, which was midnight the Professor’s time. I'm hoping that's not going to be a big problem. After we got done, then the first thing we thought about is that we wanted to get Linda a copy. We talked to her tonight and discussed not being very well read by my peers who included peers at school and peers in my quilting group. I don't mean to give Linda such a hard time because she's my best advocate really – it's just sometimes you sit back and appreciate all the work that you put into a project, and you kind of wonder what's it all for? When you're by yourself it is very inflating. {**PTP-complete/conclude, **PTPR-new/old, **SMS-Mimi, **PTP-conscious/conscientious, **T, **DS-paper, **PF-amaze/astonish, **DSC, **DCS-module, **PTPR-begin/end, **PTPR-fast, **PTPR-easy, **PACT-describe/explain, **PACT-read, **DC-page, **DS-assignment, **SGO-schedule, **T-on-time/late, **entry/post, **PA-Professor, **PF-hope, **PACT-move/go, **PTPR-big/large/small, **PTP-problem/solve, **PACT-order/sequence, **PTP-choose/decide, **PAFD-Linda, **DB, **PACT-talk/speak, **TS-Time present, **PTP-acknowledge/perceive, **PA-peer(s), **DS, **PAG-first Saturday girls, **PTP-mean/meant/clarify, **PF-confuse/unsure, **PTPR-hard, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **PA-advocate, **PTP-excuse/justify, **PF-appreciate/value, **PACT-play/work, **D-project, PF-worry/concern, **PF-alone/lonely, **PF-devalue/cheapen, **PF-disappoint/weaken}

I guess I must've talked to Rich today about it too, because he said as a reminder – that I should remember to ask myself, what I'm writing for, and then to ask myself whether it's for my peers, or whether it's for myself. I know that he's correct. I have to write for myself, but it is still hard because there's part of me that wants that recognition – that yes, I am good. After doing the assignment tonight where I was listing out the general situation of each of our board and advisory members, I felt even more than normally insufficient. There were people that that were board officers and doctors and specialists and other people in big business that were so much bigger than me. It is just hard to be such a little fish in such a big pond. I know that if one person appreciates me, it would be Linda, so we will talk to her about it in the morning – If somebody chooses to wake us up.  I have to fight the temptation not to go back to school – Oh no, oh no - she's hitting the button!  {**PF-confuse/unsure, **PACT-drink/eat, **SRR, **PTP-remember/memory/retrieve, **PTPR-should/ought, **PTP-question, **PTP-motive, **SMS, **PA-peer(s), **PTP-complete/conclude, **PTPR-correct/incorrect, **PACTWE, **PF-respect/esteem, **PTPR-hard, **PF-attention/recognition, **PTPR-good/bad, **DS-assignment, **SGO-schedule, **PACT-list, **PTP-general/broad, **D-situation, **D-volunteer AQ board/advisory, **PF-devalue/cheapen, **PA-board officer, **PA-PhD/doctor, **PA specialist, **D-organization/business, **PTPR-big/large/small, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **PA-little/big fish, **PTP-if/then, **PF-appreciate/value, **PAFD-Linda, **PACT-talk/speak, **PF-sleepy/tired, **PTP-fight/battle, **PTP-tempt/temptation, **PTP-review/go back to, **DS, **PACT-stop/discontinue, **PF-restless, **PTP-obsessive/compulsive, **PTP-choose/decide}

Okay, we're back again. I have been over at school just skimming through the proposals whatever. It looks like eight people have turned in their project. I was the fifth one. Everyone is complaining because they don't like the way the program is cutting off their material. It's just not sufficient for the bigger papers. I had asked Dr. Hargiss if she would let me put it under an attachment, because we knew that my charts were going to be too big, and she said yes, and she said that she understood. So, I did it, and one other person followed that lead, but the others are pretty unhappy. I can't do much about that. Dr. Hargiss should know too. She's been around long enough to know that the software program for the forum is insufficient for the long papers. It is fine for the rest the stuff, but this has to be an exception. {**PTPR-okay, **PACT-present/attentive, **PTP-review/go back to, **DS, **DS-grant proposal, **PTP-whatever/so what/etcetera, **PACT-look/see, **PA-peer(s), **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **D-project, **D-program, **PACTWE, **DC-material, **DSC-paper/references, **PA-Professor Hargiss, **PTP-question, **DSC- chart, **PTP-problem/solve, **PTP-complete/conclude, **PTP-lead, **PF-sympathy, **TS-Time length, **DCS, **DS-forum, **PTPR-insufficient, **PTPR-okay, **PTPR-exception}

I am eager to be at school tomorrow and do the reading necessary to get through the bulk of the work. I believe sixteen people out of sixteen people handed in their 8.1 papers and eight out of the sixteen people handed in their 8.2 paper. It is really amazing how fast people are actually getting these done. In comparison to how long and how much effort and how arduous it was to finish the last paper, this one just seems like very simple, and I am so appreciative that it is complete.  {**PF-eager, **DS, **TS-time future, **PACT-read, **PACT-play/work, **PACT-count, PA-peer(s), **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **DSC-paper/references, **PF-amaze/astonish, **PTPR-fast, **PTP-complete/conclude, **PTPR-effort, **PTPR-difficult, **PTPR-easy, **PF-appreciate/value}

Rich got up once probably at about 12:30 AM and complained about me not going to bed. But what can I say; only so much can be done about that. I am so infatuated with this new Dragon that I just can't already imagine my life without it. It gives me some fits and starts, but we're handling it. I cannot believe how well it picks up the sound of my voice, especially because all my life I've been told I mumble. I've either gotten better, or the software has gotten better, or maybe a combination of both. I'm having so much fun; I don't know what to do with myself. It is now two in the morning and I know I should go back to bed, but we had a few extra hours sleeping after we got back from the restaurant. {**SRR, **PACT-count, **T, **PACT-complain (rec.), **PF-sleepy/tired, **PTP-allow/accept/reject, **PF-infatuate, **PTPR-new/old, **PA-dragon, **PF-appreciate/value, **PTP compare/consider/compete, **PF-worry/concern, **PTP-adjust,**PF-amaze/astonish, **PACT-talk/speak, **PTP-unclear, **PTPR- improve, **DCS, **PTP-compare/consider/compete, **TS-time present, **PACT-drink-eat}

That turned out to be a not so good event at least the last 5 min. The first part was all good we were having a wonderful meal but then Rich mentioned his youngest son and we just lost it. I think it's not really as much his son as that we were very excited throughout the day because we are getting so close to finishing the papers. This last couple of weeks has been very quick and business-orientated. We had the writing of school work, the transcriptions, and finishing Ame's quilt. There is no wonder that the housework didn't get accomplished, but even that has had some improvements over the last couple of days. When we had the problem at the restaurant - like we said it was only the last 5 min. Rich had already paid the bill and we've gotten up and left, but by the time we got in the car we were barely talking. Then Rich showed us how to go through the car wash at the Honda place for free, which we did, but we didn't want to get out of the SUV when we got home. Rich came over and open the door for us and then he had to basically pull us out. He wanted us to open the apartment door because he was carrying in his fishing boxes, and Rich isn't the type to leave us sitting out in the car. We went straight to the bed and weren't able to take the medicine.  He tried, but he was going to let us rest, but that didn’t work out either.  We were very lost in the parts that were out.  Rich said we were whimpering and that after a while he came in and tried again to have us take the medicine.  This time it worked, and then we went back to bed. I'm not sure of the time exact.  I think we left for the restaurant at about 6 PM and we got up from bed at 9:30 PM. So within that time spent everything happened. 

I don't know what keeps Rich from getting mad at me. I certainly wouldn't put up with as much as he puts up with. The good part of us must be really good, because the bad parts are like touch and go. Maybe it's time. I'm having too many yawns keep my eyes from wandering. It's time to go to bed. Good night

February 23, 2012 2:02 PM

This is Mimi’s blog and it is now Thursday and we are waiting for Linda to sign on. Rich came home early, so I don't know how distracted he will be with the sound of us speaking to the Dragon. But that is sort of what we built up to. We finished doing as much of the forum comments as we had planned to for the day, or at least this morning to early afternoon. We will check back later after Dr. Marvin's appointment to see if anybody else has left their final paper. I did some of the papers for the eight people who had handed them in.  I was focused on saying something to each of my peers concerning their final project. I just know that it's very disheartening to do that much writing towards a final project and then have no result from it.  So even though it's small just a paragraph or two, I feel like I've made a decent contribution.

Not too much has been happening today other than making comments. We did post on Facebook the comment that we were finished with their second course, boasted about are 99%, and left a picture of the first page of our grant proposal. We should next be doing something with the Microsoft OneNote program. I'm not sure what yet, but it is going over big time in that we started making blog type entries again. It is so fast and fun, I will probably though have more ability to write with Dragon than responsiveness toward content. Hey, has that ever stopped us before? No. I didn't think so. I'm looking at the notebooks in my left hand column now. I could add the new additions to the business grant class, but I'm not ready to yet.  The class isn’t finished yet. I'll wait a couple more days on that and get more comments as people finish-up.  After people hand in their final assignments, they leave quickly. As to the quilting progress, I'm not sure what to do their yet it might take a few minutes to figure out. I'm thinking more pillowcases, but I still have the girls’ things to finish. That should be my main concentration.  It would mean that I would probably stipple Kari’s quilt first. It shouldn't be too bad after I start. Maybe I'll make that my goal for this evening. And then after I finished that I'll go into the other right away. Then, I'll just have three quilts to bind, but none of them are huge. Wouldn't it be great, if I could mail out these things or deliver!

As to things that need to get done for the volunteer project, I think I am going to reserve tomorrow and Saturday and maybe Sunday to work on the transcripts. We have to figure out whether I can talk when Rich has the TV on. He just came in the room and down with a sandwich. He's already turned on the TV, so I tested it and I'm thinking that we can still talk while he listens to TV. That's a big important thing. As to the volunteer project, I might want to finish a couple of transcriptions before tomorrow so that I can ask Amy for a couple more to last me through the weekend. I am not sure how long the audio recordings are, but I see no reason why we shouldn't get one or two done by Friday. Maybe, we are going to need writing her a letter. Why don't we do that now?

Okay Amy's letter is written - next? Okay, it's kind of funny knowing that you’re hearing all my thoughts. That line was sent to Rich. He's got his eyes closed and he says he's listening to the TV, but he looks more like he's sleeping. He says he's not sleeping, but I think he's sleeping. It happens every time he turns on that fishy show during the afternoon.

We only talked to Linda for a few minutes today. She was nice enough to leave me a note on Facebook as to my finishing the course. When we talked earlier this morning, we talked about doing games with our grandchildren, and she was saying that Teadora is really good on memory games. She's three years old now. So, we asked her if she had tried Simon with her granddaughter yet, and she hadn't. So then, she let me know that when she was out doing errands this morning, she had stopped by Toys "R" Us and purchased a Simon game. It was just a small one for $14. I'm so eager to hear how it goes with her granddaughter. I'm thinking it's going to be a wonderful toy.

Not much else on the Linda account.

As to quilting, were still back to trying to figure out what to do. Oh, I forgot I was going to do the daughter-in-law's quilts first, and then Rich’s pillowcases. Depending on where Rich is tonight; maybe we can do some sewing when we get back from Dr. Marvin's and after we eat dinner. That would be nice. I'm also feeling like getting back into the transcribing. I've been away for two or three days now. It's given me enough time to look at my pedal foot. I want to get back to playing with the foot, because it was fun.

Let's see – nothing with the cats.

Is there anything interesting with the boys? I'm thinking here. Well I have three. You probably knew that already. No, I don't think there's anything with the boys either. I was thinking that I should invite Maury and his family on Wednesday to come over into the area Rich and I live, so that when Rich is down south fishing, we could take Maury and his family out to the Mexican restaurant. I don't know where the money will be, but it would be a nice Wednesday thing to do, so I don't miss Rich so much. I thought about it then, and I wondered, shouldn't I take Joe? I'm not sure what those conclusions were all about, or the methodology behind it, but I'm thinking I'm more interested in inviting Maury's family out this time. I don't think he has all the opportunities as Joe and Cari.

As to how things are going on this computer? I like our new system using OneNote. I should probably get to understanding some of the special keys it has.

This is a to-do list

This key is for everything that is important

This key is for one we need to leave if we have questions

This highlighter is for remembering things for later

The green line is for definition

This one is for highlighting

This one is to make a contact

Okay, we could go on and on like this forever thing. There are actually thirty tags that we could use. I have to get used to the fact that I'm not going to remember them all at once. It would make my mind feel better if I could remember the commands. And then, it would make me feel better if I could find a way to use them with my voice.

I wonder if there is anybody I should be writing to? I suppose I should write to the girls. I haven't written to them for a while. Okay, that will be next – be right back.

February 24, 2012 6:48 AM

Good morning,

It is a nice snowy morning. Rich has just left. He is going to stop by and have breakfast with Bob before he goes to the center. He's getting pretty excited though about fishing. He will be going to Guntersville, Alabama next Tuesday. I have to admit I'm pretty excited for him. The rest of the guys I think are going this week, and then Rich and his partner Ron will be going from Tuesday through Sunday. I think that it is like the 28th of February through the fifth of March. Some of that time, I will get to go too because we are going up to Wisconsin on Saturday the fourth to be with the girls. You just have to know how excited we are about that.

This morning we have only done a few things. We woke up at about 6 AM, and had coffee with Rich for about 45 min. I think that is his time to get his brain organized so he's ready for the day. He usually talks about what he's going to do and the things he's got coming up on his agenda. I get help to do this from my cats. They tell me what is on my agenda, even though I fed them this morning and made sure that Chief got water, they still made sure I was up. Then as quickly as it took me to walk over to the couch with my cup of coffee, Chief was on my lap and ready to be petted. I know their system.

I don't think Rich has anything special planned today. He is going to see Bob and have coffee, going to the center, going to Subcom, and then have a fishy meeting with Ron. I think then he is going to come home, he and I are going to the bank, and then we are going to the pharmacist. We are going to try and take care of my medicines; I think he has something to pick-up too, because I had to order something for him. No problem there. After that, I don't know if anything is going to happen. Since he is talking to Bob this morning, I don't think we should necessarily be getting together to go out, although sometimes it is suggested that we do it on a Friday night. I'm not crazy about going out tonight for one there's the snow, but number two, we just went out to eat on Wednesday and we had Chow Mein on Tuesday, and we are still finishing leftovers. That is a lot of eating out for me.

Maybe if Rich stays home tonight, and we have just a nice comfortable dinner, then maybe he might want to stay around and we could play. Okay that was clumsy. Sorry about that – we will just move right ahead.

Tomorrow Rich has got a busy schedule. He is going to go out to brunch with his two sons, then he's got a game, and then he wants to go out with his mother, or at least go over to her house. It's important for him that he sees her before he leaves for the week. Then on Sunday, he plans to go to the club and take care of his fishing reels. It has something to do with getting the lines on the reels. Maybe the time after that will be with me. I know somewhere in there we still have to talk about doing bills, although some of that happened this morning.

We felt real good yesterday in that, we got our school loan from the school loan place. It is like $3400 which is very handy. I figured out the money had been deposited in our account when we paused before parking at the garage on the way to Dr. Marvin's.  So, I called Rich and the first thing he did was pay the rent. I think the next thing that gets paid is my car. Rich said he didn't know the date, but I think it was due a couple days ago, and so that has to happen today. It might be a good idea for me to go through all the bills today and see where we are at. Maybe that's a little bit too much to talk about. Maybe, we could do it over here at the computer with Dragon and have some fun with it. We are still thinking that having a microphone and talking to it as we both write together is just the best idea in the world. It is so fast and accurate, and he gives us just the greatest sense of company.  Any part can now add in their thoughts comfortably.

Going back to Rich's schedule for a moment, I believe on Monday, he is going to put in a half a day of work at the center, and then he is going to most likely finish-up with his packing and getting that over to Ron's. Or, that might happen on Sunday. I am pretty sure that on Monday night Rich will want to take us out to dinner, and then by early Tuesday morning early, he's out of here. Maybe on Monday night I have to take a nap, because he might want to be up and playing. That would suit me just fine.  Now – now you got to give us at least that much!

Now as to my schedule, I am sure I am not as busy as Rich.  I wrote a letter to Amy yesterday, and she had responded back before Dr. Marvin's appointment. We had 10 min. before we parked our car at the parking garage, and her note was really nice. She said that she would send me a couple more interviews so I would have as much as I thought I needed over the weekend. She said I was dreamy. Okay, you know that will turn a young girl's heart. I've got planned three days of transcribing.

You did hear the part about school being over for the term right? Let me say that just one more time. School is over!!! Eight whole days, I know this time is going to go by fast, and by that time, I will be eager to start the next class which is going to be on strategy for educators. I will probably also stop by at the course room today and make a few extra comments. I've well exceeded commenting as is required, but I wanted to continue writing as other people finish their major project; somebody should be around just to say nice job. People have their own level of tolerances too, in that some run out of the room as fast as the class is over, and some - like us, stand around a few minutes and say our goodbyes to one another. I think that Sally and I were the most adamant as far as picking up a new friendship, but she said that she has six courses done now out of the ten, and I've only got two courses done out of the ten, so our paths may or may not ever meet again.

I think that we have been alluding to the part also that we need to figure out our next sewing project. I am not going to drag it out here one more time, it is time to make a decision. I am going to do the quilting on top of the blue quilt. And, I will do this on Saturday night when Rich has gone to see his mother. There is a chance that Rich is going to say, “Why don’t you come too? But, he hasn't so far, so maybe he won't. I think it is more important that she sees him, than it is that she sees me. That will give me this morning and afternoon to transcribe; time with Rich the late afternoon, playtime tonight, transcription tomorrow morning, and time into quilting Saturday night. And then we could transcribe Sunday morning, quilt Sunday afternoon, and that would leave Sunday night for Rich to be with me. That seems like a good deal!

I should add in here that were going to be spending more time with this writing. But I think we already covered that.

Maybe now we can think a little bit about what happened last night at Dr. Marvin's. I always start out this part as saying, “Well, I don't really know.” I think last night was good, but it was hard also. The thing I remember most is that the system was having trouble with flashbacks. Somehow the conversation got turned toward sexuality, and then we were getting flashed with a half a dozen or more images of childhood sexual scenes and innuendos. I don't know which word is more appropriate, or if we need a better word. I don't think I could remember right now what the pictures were all about, without trying very hard. And, I'm not sure I really want to do that. It is like opening up a can of worms. I just need there to be some kind of marker that something had happened, and that most likely Dr. Marvin will go back to it. I remember him saying something about this is the kind of thing that happens when we meet two times a week; I thought, “Oh no, this is going to be hard.”

I am trying to think now safely what can be remembered from last night without going into too much detail. I do remember there was a point where he told us that he was going to say something to help bring me to the current time by asking me a question. I'm not sure what the question was, but I remember that it was something that was comfortable for me to talk about. I remember also asking him how I was going to get past all these thoughts when I got home and wouldn't have him to talk with. Maybe that is what he talked about just before he said he was going to bring me back to current time, but I don't know which part he was talking to. If I think real hard, maybe I could remember at least how we had gotten to that point.

I think it had something to do though with the emotions, yes that's it. We had been talking to him about the emotions that we were having the night before with Rich. We had been having a very nice dinner out with him on Wednesday night, and then something came up with his son and something in our system fell apart. I know that we had come home, had trouble getting out of the car, and went straight to bed without taking the medicine. The part that comes out and makes the strange sounds was out and after some amount of time, Rich came in and pretty much pulled us away from wherever we were so that we would take the medicine, and then we went back to bed. I think I've told you this part before, but it seems like it is still important to our brain that we have periods of rest. I know that after a while of sleeping, we generally wake up and can function again, but only remember a skeleton of details.

So with Dr. Marvin, we had talked about that space where we were hiding under the blanket and this is the part I think he focused on. I remember him doing – something about helping me – Sure wish we had the words to describe that feeling we were going through. I remember after we got home with Rich we forced our minds to think of what those three words were again. I should be able to do it again – it is pretty hot off the press. Let me see anger was one, frustration was two, and I think the last one was pretty close to that we were feeling invisible, which might have some kind of feeling of – I'm having a hard time capturing what that feeling might've been – you know what it felt like. Drat, I hate that when it happens. I think it was something that started with a "D" but I'm not going to push it right now.

Part of the problem that we were having was that Rich was having his own reaction and so when he's busy doing that, but then we can't always be around to help him because were having our own problem. Or, if we stop our problem to take care of him – our problem will not get cared for if not by him, by the other parts. Does that make sense?

We went into that a little last night it was a strange combination of reactions. Basically, from the night before – the first thing we remember after leaving the restaurant – and we did leave the restaurant within about 5 min. after we had the switch that was confirmed, was that I remember that we were walking out the door and Rich was saying something like “I don't know why you are being so mean to me.” That's something we talked about last night to Dr. Marvin - we tried to explain to Rich it wasn't that we were trying to be mean to him, it wasn't about him.  It was about us, and we were having a reaction towards whatever was being said. But, because Rich likes to take over people's problems, minimalize them, and then just get back to steady, he wasn't giving us a chance to figure out what our feelings were and how we are going to take care of them.

It was more a part of the way Rich used to handle his family situation. All he would want to do is get to a steady keel where there were no problems.  He’s been taking care of people all his life. I think this problem started from a very early age of having to “take care” of his mother who was out and drinking quite a bit.  This quiet space he tries to get back to where there is no interruption to his soul is what we are calling his “Zen-mind of fishing.” Unfortunately, he did that by trying too quickly to resolve what was happening by just forcing it to be over. Our system is having problems with that, and it seems that we revert back to a younger stage anyway, and that closes out Rich – because they don’t handle this kind of pressure, which he doesn't like. We don't do it because we want him to be frustrated, it is happening because - that's what happens to people who dissociate.

With Dr. Marvin and the special time he had with us concentrating on the part going under the covers, I think the next part was that we were remembering being under covers when we were small.  Again, I don't know which part is going through that. I remember now that we were talking about hiding underneath the tent we had built on her bed. We had a small table that was just less than the width of our bed, and we used to put that on top of the bed, and then we would put blankets over the bed, table and two little chairs, so we had our own very private tent.  Because of the frontward position of the chairs, we considered it more a carriage.  But, that was only when we could afford to still be more open.  Even though the bedroom door was closed, it wasn’t like when we hid within the closet.  During those times, we just hid in a small private tight corner behind book shelves with a blanket, pillow, or dirty clothes over our head, or behind clothes hanging up. I’m remembering the clothes as being soft and comfortable. Now thinking of it again … sometimes we hid in our mother’s closet too.  We seem to stay in those spaces for long periods of time and like the situation with Rich, we would be better after sleeping it off for a while.  And, that I think is where we started having the sexual flashbacks. I'm going to jump over that part right now. I don't want to think about it just at this very moment.

I think there was another part too that we told both Dr. Marvin and then Rich later, that was when we were hiding under the covers that night with Rich in the living room and us in the bedroom, we were seeing images of rolling the cutting rotary knife over our left wrist. I think we talked to Dr. Marvin about some level of frustration in that we don't understand why things like this come into our brain. It is very threatening to us. It also didn't make Rich feel good, of course. But then again, Rich is likely to say something like “Why are you doing this to me?” I suppose this should be considered as relevant, because we were also saying to those parts, “Why are you doing this to me?”

We needed to switch over to Rich-time because we had already caught a few important markers, and at that point he needed more help than us in getting through the experience. I do remember it didn't last very long and before you know it, he had teased about some kind of special massaging we now owed him, and we were sitting next to him on the floor and trying to readjust to being together with him again in an adult more physical manner like just holding hands.  I think the simple points are that, we had had feelings that needed to be recognized – though it wasn’t going to happen necessarily by Rich at that particular moment.

The next thing I remember is that Rich and I negotiated that we could go to the bedroom and we would give him a massage and that it might lead up to something else, but Rich said this morning that just about that time, we regressed and fell asleep. That's why I think that tonight might be very important. Usually, when Rich’s engines get revved up, then we are good to go. Okay I know too much information. Moving on…

I think that pretty much gets us to where we are right now. We just glanced over and it's about 7:40 AM and we looked to see if Linda had been at the Facebook site, but she's not there yet. I don't know what kind of day she's going to have. I think usually she has sewing days after Teadora has been there, which would then be like Linda’s Zen of sewing, though sometimes she does cleaning up after her granddaughter. The last note was left by Linda, and she said that Adam was so tired after work that he fell asleep and never made it to his Thursday night event. And she also said that the Simon game was too hard for Teadora at this time. I'll try to encourage the point of view that it wasn't a bad decision - just that it needs time to progress at its own pace.  Linda will already know this of course.

Okay, were back again. I just took a small break to refresh my coffee and have a rice cake with peanut butter on it. I remember that came up when we were with the girls when talking about guilty pleasures.  Someone asked me about ours, and we admitted that this is our guilty pleasure - having rice cakes with peanut butter on it. It was introduced to us by Rich and now we don't seem to be able to get enough of it. Okay not a big deal.  Just thought I'd throw that in. 

Rich says that right now there is about one inch of snow on the ground, but if it goes like you have the rest of the winter there really isn't going to be a lot of snow accumulated.  I hear that by Sunday were going to have a 50° day, and so if it hasn't gone by then, it will be soon. Rich also said something about it might snow on Monday. I know that he's just getting his mind ready for the big fishing trip and so he's watching the weather more carefully.

Let's see what else to have to talk about? I think we have to write a note to the girls again. I might do that in a few minutes. I'm talking about the daughter-in-law's this time. It seems that we have let that get out of control for a while in that we hadn't responded back quickly to them. And now because were at frustration point with the web cam/video, we seem to have backed away shyly. And, I'm sure that isn’t also what is happening with the others, plus whatever problems they might also be having in dealing with each other and the ever present time and money constraints we are all having. Maybe now with the Dragon, I'll be able to do more with keeping better track of where everyone is at. Okay, why don't we go ahead and do that now.  Hold on, I'll be right back.

We are back. It is now 9:43 AM. We wrote to both the daughter-in-law's and to Linda and about the time, we were ready to post; Linda signed on and is now typing to us.  But, we haven't figured out what she wants to say yet. So, we took a little ice cream break in the meantime. I don't think we’re going to get very much done for the next half hour or so. I'm not sure where Linda is at and we will want to find that out. After that, I would soon like to get back to the business at-hand of having deeper thoughts, but I am not sure if we are ready yet to make the transition. I would much rather write than have to think about doing work, although, I like the transcription work after I get started. It's just that we have to switch parts to get there. We talked to Dr. Marvin a long time ago about doing personal things before 10 o'clock which still seems to be a good idea, but it meant afterward that we should really get some harder work done to consider the day productive.

Okay, let me think what we have done now. We wrote to Linda, we wrote to the daughter-in-law's, we wrote to Linda from Las Vegas, we wrote to Amy, we wrote to my mother, and we wrote to a few others such as Rich’s cousin. That was all done within a couple days. We also went to school and checked that out. There were about 20 comments and a few were directed toward me. The two girls who I had asked if they were going to be in the strategy class were not going to be there, so it is more like a surprise who will be in the next class with. I wish I could remember which people were in my first class compared to the people that were in my second class in comparing the two adult education theory classes, but I just don't know. I don't know even which people I knew before taking business grant writing class. That's okay; we have our new system, now right? So, I shouldn't have to worry too much, right?

I think that is the part about writing that is very important now. It is tied to a comment Dr. Marvin had made about the value of having two sessions a week. Basically, we can go through things like we did yesterday and still have time to get us back to normal within the same week. This really helps in keeping school on track. But also, I think being able to write again is helping. If I can somehow cope with all the thoughts I'm having, like I used to during writing, then I'll be able to process more and it will be healthier for all. I feel more like I'm on top of my game.

I would like to get more involved in some of the other areas that we noted. It would be nice, for example, to take some of the e-mails and add them to the new pages from the OneNote program under their proper notebooks. Maybe, I can start that on the side with Linda typing. We have to be more patient in waiting, and it is easier if we know we can get something done in the background while waiting for her comments. Okay, why don't we give that a try? I think we’re going to do that with the Quilters' S.O.S. Editing work? I'll be back soon.

Hi-hi it’s me again. We just finished the work of getting Amy's notes transferred over to the OneNote program. We listed it under January and February notes. It took a lot of copying and pasting. I hadn't realized how many communications there have been between people in my course and us. I'm feeling a little tired. It is about 11 o'clock. I think what I will do is work on the transcripts now until 1:30 PM, which will give me 2 1/2 hours, and then, I will take a shower and get dressed in case Rich comes home. He said he would be here about 2:30 PM. He wants to get to the bank and pharmacy. Whoops, I better get that prescription called in. After we call his prescription in, we'll be able to take our time.

Hi again. It's me. We are doing fine, but it is a little late, and I was still up. We had a rough night as to younger parts being out. And then Rich put us to bed. We snuck–watched Anderson, and then decided to get up again. Who knows? Rich took us to bed the next time and he gave us a massage. And then, he got a massage, and then we got massaged again, and it was so nice. But now we are up again. We are still so happy with Dragon that we don't know what to do with ourselves. And then earlier this evening, we were messing around on the computer. We just wanted to try something new. So, we entered in the Google browser "software program and production" to see what we would get.

What we found is a program called Mind Jet Mind Manager 2012. I like it a lot and it has a lot to offer. But, I will need to decide because it's an expensive program. I believe it is about $79.  That is the least expensive academic and nonprofit version. The regular program is $400. It is going to cost me a lot for software programs one day when I'm no longer a student. We are just looking at the different costs and support it offers. It looks like you can get it by the month but its $20 a month where it only cost $80 to pay for twelve months, which just makes more sense. Plus, then you own it and don't have to keep paying it forward for the first year. It does not cover the cost though of updated programs. It does have a 30-day free subscription. That probably makes sense as far as checking it out to see if I could make it work for our needs.  I am afraid that Rich is going to catch-on and say I can't buy the program, or he would use the money that has been put in the account for something else like bills – yuck. But if I start spending money, then he can put some really hard limits on what's going on. It's hard to convince anybody in our system though that we shouldn't get something fun out of a $3,400 deposit that is there because of us and our willingness to pay debt later through school loans.

I'm super encouraged because the program appears to work with some of the Microsoft programs, especially Outlook.

February 24, 2012 11:33 PM

Good morning,

This is me. I am working very hard this morning on getting everything in place. We've been working this last 4 to 5 days on the new dashboard through TPAssist and my mind program. We didn't talk to Dragon yesterday, so we are little out of touch. We also didn't get a chance to talk to Linda so were a little out of touch in that direction as well. 

Today was Rich’s big fishing day. He went or is going down to Alabama. He left about a little over an hour ago. He is just going with Ron and already his second wife, Bob, called to see if everything was on track. You got to feel a little bad for Bob. He's the one that has to stay behind. We were doing okay at letting Rich go this time. We know that we have a lot to do –and he knows it to. We did talk to Bob and Linda last night for dinner.  We went to Rich’s and our Mexican place, and that turned out nice. The time seemed to go past very quickly. I'd spent some time eating and concentrating. Like I would have the chips preoccupying my mouth, so my brain could just figure out how to get the guacamole and salsa to hang on to the chip. The others at the table were more focused on Rich’s big trip than I was, because I've been listening to the trip for so long. I did try to talk to Linda a little bit more. She's focused on taking care of Bob and her, so we’re still not getting much of a discussion between the two of us. It's a start though.

As to anything going on with Rich, it seemed to be a pretty calm morning. He had done most of these tasks the night before, such as getting out the suitcase, packing his coffee and getting things ready at the door for the last moments before leaving like gathering his computer, coffee mugs, hat etc. He woke up a few minutes before the alarm clock, handled the coffee, fed the cats, and then we talked for probably 45 to 50 min. About that time, he remembered that he hadn’t gotten his fishing license ordered through the Internet and then printed it out. So, we were very quiet while he concentrated hard to take care of that. He's pretty on edge – to make sure that he gets everything done right. After that, he got his clothes ready, jumped in the shower, and then we found that he had left his credit card on my desk. I left it first by his phone, and then I thought it was probably better to leave the credit card, phone, and book next to his stuff on the table by the back door with his hat, wallet, keys and other things. And then, we told Rich what we had done with his credit card and personal belongings, just to put it back into his mind. Not to say that his mind is not good processing before a big trip, but there's so many things to be thinking of. I was happy that he appreciated having his credit card back. He said, "Oh is that out?" Funny Rich – just hope he doesn't forget his credit card when he is at a restaurant.

This week I've been into thinking through what it must mean to be living in the Zen of fishing. I think all this preliminary part with him getting himself and the boat ready, is so he can concentrate properly on just throwing that line out into the water and reeling it back in. And then, repeating that over, and over, and over again. I've watched enough shows to think that it must be orgasmic to finally catch the fish. There is so much on his mind. Some of his friends went to Mexico, and they sent pictures back with 8 to 10 pound fish. So somewhere in Rich’s mind he is thinking that fish in Alabama can be this big. He did a lot of work preparing his fishing lines and getting them spun onto the reel. He has so many fishing poles – like ten or twelve, and each is dressed just right to have a particular kind of lure for a particular kind of fishing scenario. It takes a lot to be a fisherman.

There's been so much time and attention these last couple of weeks on his fishing trip that now I'm feeling a little bit tired of it.  I’m ready for him to go. It's hard to imagine that his world is so much different than our world - yet we share commonalities.

Yesterday, we were working on a system of collecting things as per the tutorship of David Allen. He is our new “important guy.” We were using our Kindle to take notes while we were reading last night. When Rich came to the living room, he started to give us the list of things that he was thinking of. For example, he said that for tonight's dinner we were supposed to have our left over Mexican meal, and then Wednesday and Thursday, we are supposed to have the Polish sausage rice and peas, and then, Friday and Sunday we are supposed to have the jambalaya. Of course on Saturday, we will be eating out with the girls. Looks like Rich left us $146. He said he was leaving it by my computer where he knew I would see it. That should be plenty of money and we should have most of the money coming back with us.  I was thinking that money might pay for the programs! We had to write down simple things like remember to take the jambalaya out of the refrigerator on Thursday. It must be hard being Rich. He remembers so much for us. But, in Allen's world, you have to write as much as you can down in whatever system you use. He calls this collecting.

We told Rich that we would concentrate on doing simple things like getting the clothes washed. We thought that was especially important when we watched him dress, and he showed us that he was wearing his old socks without the elastic in them. It hadn't occurred to our brain that he might not have enough clean clothes to wear, because we asked a day or two ago if he had enough clean clothes to pack, and he said yes.  He’s been so very good at not pressuring me to do the clothes. That shame is on me. He said that he has left the house in pretty good shape. I haven't really paid attention to where the house was at. I did know that he gave us new flowers, in that, he took out the flowers that had died from my Valentine gift, gave the remaining daisies fresh water, and now they look light, bright, and beautiful again!

Now that he is gone and I am looking around the living room, I see a cup and a couple socks left here and there, but he was right – mostly it's picked up. It seems the bedroom and the kitchen is in the same good shape. He's going to want to be sure to mention when he comes back if I left the house in the same shape, worse shape, or better shape.  There might be a few things left on the dining room table but not much. He did remind me that if I wanted to do something, I could take some of those things out of the box left over from working because my sewing room looks terrible. Ok, write that down on the dashboard too. We'll talk about that more in a few minutes.

I do want to say as far as this David Allen goes – oh yeah I should say, I picked up one of his books through the Kindle. I don't know if it's a regular size book or not, the last writing that I got from him, I had paid six dollars for and it was a little light. So, I'm not sure if this $12 book is a whole book or just a partial book. I’m a little money jumpy right now. Basically, David Allen is a productivity speaker. He is supposed to have several million people following him on Twitter, and you know us, it pretty much means we’re thinking he is a superstar. Okay, I have to come back to David Allen in a minute.

Our alarm rang, and it told us to get our medicine, and then while we're in the kitchen, we figured out that we should count the medicine. It was one of those small tasks we had to take care of. It turns out we have about three weeks of medicine, our Ritalin needs a prescription refill, and that we have to stop by at the pharmacy to check out the new program. It might be a case of overkill, but I need to talk to the pharmacist and find out what the program is all about. Plus, I wanted to get Dr. Marvin a new prescription list that he could keep for the new program.  Or, maybe it would be a good idea to bring the list home, scan it, and then e-mail it to him so he doesn't have extra paperwork sitting around. I think that I'm very much like Dr. Marvin, in that our worlds revolve around our computers. He's much better at getting up and living his life including talking to people and doing productive things, but I'm pretty sure he has his computer and iPhone organized. I made the necessary changes on the dashboard like remembering to take my medicine. I think that's it of the direct interruptions. Let me go back to thinking about Mr. Allen.

Shoot, we were just having words with Dragon. I'm learning to do things that I don't know how to do yet; I'm trying to be patient, and take the time, and to learn it right way – especially, in learning to solve problems like spelling correctly words that it doesn’t know. It's a matter of first getting back to the word, and then highlighting it, and then giving it the command like to D E L E T E.  I can’t say that word I just spelled, or it will follow the command and erase anything I just said. The spelling part is to get Dragon to figure out which word I didn't like by highlighting what was typed, saying “spell that”, and then choosing an option that I do like.  Okay, enough of that!

I don't know enough about Allen to really philosophize about his work. The most important thing I've learned so far is that we need to collect all our different thoughts and pool them in an easy-access location within our world.  This part suits me as a writer – and is part of the intent process of writing in Mimi’s Dragon blog – to collect the system’s thoughts. I came up with this idea of blogging, naturally much longer then the goal established by Allen, a lot of people did, but it seems if we want to forget about things that are encumbering on our brain, then gathering and depositing them in a thought bank is an idea that just makes sense.  He says that we are to make a collection source that we can trust as a repository of all these ideas, questions, tasks, goals, or whatever, so we can work on them later. He does add the tasks that can be done under two minutes could or maybe should be done right away.

Whoever wrote the TPAssist program also knew about Allen’s collection habits and wrote them into the program.  Although, I don't know a lot of Allen, I do know a little bit then about the kind of thoughts he has people processing. Yesterday, I fully invested and paid for both the Mind Jet Mind Management program and the TPAssist program. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to make it work. We used a very small amount of the school loan money, though it seems like a lot.  I'm trying not to abuse Rich’s common sense nature, but I figured it was worth the $120 for the combined programs. Both of them are renewable in a year or two, I think. I didn’t want to invest in more than a year, because I know the programs are going to be revised, and I don't want to get stuck with having the old copies. One of the programs had offered as a forever contract, but I think it only included minor updates. When I went to pay for the Mind Jet program, I had to talk to a real-life person, and he said that they were updating the program in not too long. I think I bought into the extra security to get the update, but again I was coming in under the wire in getting a student copy of the more expensive program.

I read a little of Allen last night and I took notes. The first one is to clarify what I would like the outcome of my goals to be – addressing the tasks and things I need to get done, and then the next step is naming what our next physical step is going be, and then the last step is to trust that we have a system to put the information in.   Another thing that we figured out by him was that we could train ourselves to be like a faster more responsive “athlete” by being proactive and more focused in our knowledge work. I heard about knowledge work before through my school textbook reading - I think it comes from Peter Drucker who I think of as an older major player back in the days our kids were first born in the early 80’s. Knowledge work seems to be those things that get done with our mind - without having to be doing physical tasks.  Within our minds and through follow-through, I believe people can move mountains, and the work in general seems to be progressive. I will get back to this better later on, but I do like the idea that things happen within our minds outward. Such as my first book was a product of my mind in that we wrote down the things happening, and then we could distribute those thoughts.  It works for me.

There is a little break here to take care of some maintenance tasks … you know? Okay, let's be moving on.

I'm stopping to give the kitties a pet. Missy finally got our attention, but now she made enough commotion, that we have the full company of Chief as well, and he’s standing on my drafting table looking a bit “put-out” for his troubles. They aren't being very cooperative. I don't want him on the drafting table knocking things off. Good, just that we knocked him off first.  Sorry Kitty. He didn't go down easy. Now, he's trying to push around the pen on the floor because he knows that annoys me. I don't know where they are coming from to be upsetting the middle of my morning – most likely they want an impromptu pet. We thought we’d buy some time by opening the drapes and letting some natural light get in here. Wouldn’t that be nice if that was the only thing that was on their minds?

Okay, clearly here I have lost my train of thought. I might have to reread a little bit to find out where I left off, seriously.

Shoot, or maybe we are going to be less serious.  The last coherent thought seemed to be on David Allen. I don't know what else to say about him right now, because my minds are discombobulated, so I think we're going to pause on that part and then just go back to our newer thoughts on what is happening on my new dashboard which is part of the new program. Actually “My dashboard” and “My life” are two parts of the TP assist program. They're both their own "tree."

I think I'm going to just shade in an outline and let you know what kinds of things are happening there. I don't think I'll get to the My Life part just yet.  I might, I just don't know what I'm doing for time.  Just let me peek for a second - I think by eight o'clock I was supposed to write Linda or check on some parts.  Something is happening on the schedule, so I guess that fits just in line with what want to do now want in checking the global aspects of what we’ve done so far with it.  We did go over things a little this morning, and we have it to a point that I think is good for us, but it's still new enough so there's more to be learned than I could possibly know at this time.

The first section is the in-box/in-tray/in-basket. Any of these will do.  For now the in-tray is empty and that's where you want it to be. It means you’ve processed whatever has come in.   To get things into the in-tray or to some of the other sections we press a button that says TPAssist Capture for the Mind Jet. This is a nifty little window that comes up and it gives you a space to put down any thoughts that you're having, and then it gives you your preset selection of locations for the idea, text, note or whatever element you want it to capture and then it will place that element in a space considered a location such as to strategy, outcomes, calendar, actions, incubator, reference, or in-tray.

This also works for adding other things to the dashboard. So, that if I say, “Remember to vacuum the floor,” and then, I hit in-tray it should go to that safe place (somewhere you're not seeing it), and then when I get back to the dashboard program, I press "process" and then my note to vacuum the floor will appear in the in in-tray within the dashboard when I get around to processing the idea. I can move the item anywhere on my dashboard tree. I think right now, I am going to drag it down to the “at-home” section of my “actions.” And so, when I go back and review that section, it will tell me all the things that I was posted to section that all have something to do with being at home.  At the present time, I've got five items on the at-home list. The items are: (1) get Duyen's sewing machine ready to ship, (2) engrave Rich’s fishing shirts, (3) consider what to do with the seasonal tree (left over from Christmas), (4) unpack a couple items from the work boxes in the sewing room, and now (5) vacuum the floor. I decided that if I still need to consider it throughout the day, I will keep the branches open to those reminders, if not I will close them.  The next morning I will open items under “my actions,” and then “my home” by pressing the + buttons.  It should then be easy to know whether the list task was accomplished or not. There are further more in-depth assists I will talk about later that will help me to process that such as putting to-do reminders on it or assign it priorities. We're going to go through the whole thing once just to give you a general idea and then I'll try not to belabor it so much.

Okay, we went to the in-tray. At this time, my in-tray is empty again because I just put the vacuum note under the “at home” action. The next part is the “task summary.” In this area we are collecting items in the categories of: (1) things that happened in the past, (2) things that don't have dates, (3) things that are happening today, (3) things that are happening tomorrow, (4) things that are happening in less than one week, (5) things that are happening in less than two weeks, (6) things that are happening in less than one month, and (7) things that are happening greater than one month. This is part of the beauty of the system – when I had been working at the center, I had written a system where different colors would mean about the same thing. So red –red meant sister was hot on my case I had to do something immediately, the color red meant that I was supposed to do it within the day, Orange was 1 to 3 days, yellow was within a week, blue was within two weeks, green was within the month, and black was things that were already accomplished. In some ways I might have been inventing the wheel because other people may have had something down before that that would've helped me organized, but what it did for me was organize my mind to think in certain patterns, so when I saw this system it was like yes this is the one because it contained all the elements of things that I've been trying to do in the past, except it was easier and more fun and more proactive.

We’re going to let go of the things that happened and all the other times beside no date and today.  All the other time periods are close because I really don't need to be watching them all the time after I get done the first time first thing in the morning make sure everything was the right spot then the things I don't need I close so under the no date I have that note about remembering to clarify the outcome, the next physical step, and trusting in our collection spot. I also have things like check mail meaning the mail downstairs, getting laundry back on schedule, something about being a doer and not a dawdler, and then not to drive myself bonkers. These notes could've come from 1 million different things, but let's just say for now that they found their way to the no date section. I'm thinking that no date can mean that they're things that I need to be thinking about on pretty much daily basis so I want to keep it up.

The next section is on the things that are happening today, and here we have things such as I need to check for my tax money I expected to come in today or pretty soon from now because it's within two weeks of it having gone out. That I haven't longer known about completing the next interview and because I wanted to get it all down right it was from when I was reading the book last night it says completes the next interview on NY 11201.001 Fisher by sitting down with earphones and foot pedal. Open Dragon, transcriber and word. Format a sheet. Close original and load eight audio recordings to transcriber and assure Dragon is on first so that it can transcribe in the background. Begin audio, type and relax. This is one of the main task that I have today. The other things that it says on my list of things to do today are to remember to eat the chicken for lunch, to do something to get rid of the Outlook  reminders, finish Duyen's quilt by putting on the binding and then to remember that tonight's dinner is the Mexican meal leftovers from last night.

Then we skip down to our next major section on strategy and outcomes. The main headers in this section are purposes and principal, vision, goals and objectives, areas of focus/responsibilities, projects, and waiting on from Rich. This is a major very heady section and some of the things here are less likely to have to be done right away but kind of like setting our perspective on things that are in our life. For example under the purpose/principles we went back and took something from our mission statement from probably about nine years ago. It had been one of the first few pages in our blog book in 2003. It states:

I will respect myself by being honest with my thoughts and feelings. I will love myself, my God, my family, my friends, and people I meet along my path. I will honor my freedom and independence and cherish my right to make his choices. I will strive to be capable. I will be responsible for happiness, and I will share whatever wisdom I learned in offering help to others. I suppose by this time I could go on redo that statement but so far it still works for me so because I don't have to think of that all the time I'm going to close that window.

The next paragraph is the vision I've only got one thing down here so far and basically it says that I want to make everyday happy and useful but even if we are an unhappy we still would like to strive to be useful if not to ourselves at least two others. The section needs more work but I did want to dwell in anything right now I can handle it later on.

This next section is very big it's the goals/objectives. Basically of the outlines what a typical day-to-day schedule look like so that:

By 5 AM – I will wake up, grab a coffee, and either check in with the computer with Rich or Facebook - especially through the Kindle

By 5:45 AM – I will go to the computer and check my – but priorities more towards the computer. By this time I'm thinking Rich is getting in the shower or is getting ready to leave and I have to re-orientate myself to being in my office

By 6 AM – I will copy today's priorities under the test summary

By 6:15 AM – I will start my blog entry and take care of all other correspondence

By 7 AM – I will take my medicine

By 8 AM – I will try to write a note to Linda/or talk with her – check project actions and day-to-day

By 9 AM – I will start laundry

By 9:10 AM – I will try to do the first thing on my list followed by the next. This is the major meat of my day

By 11:30 AM I will have lunch and finish laundry if necessary and here I am supposed to think about the Flylady

By 1:30 PM I have to check the dashboard again especially the actions press enter by 2 PM I will check in with Linda and maybe have some popcorn

By 4:30 PM I will be closing down my projects

By 5 PM I will try to be eating dinner

By 5:30 PM I would like to be moving toward sewing

By 7 PM I would like to check in with Linda, take my medicine, and then check my schedules and priorities

By 930 I would like to be reading

And by 10:30 PM I would like to be either going to bed with Rich, or deciding that it'll be a late night and then plan accordingly

Pretty hefty list of structure for me, but I had to do something because I was getting ahead of myself I couldn't I couldn't figure out with all the things that I needed to do what to do for second now I can at least just check on my list and think him I at least in the ballpark, or it gives me permission to be okay with whatever's happening at the time because I've made a literal choice, I'm not just randomly doing things. Of course I love to do random things but I'm not getting things accomplished her feeling good about what's happening.

The next section is areas of focus and responsibilities and here we have three items right now one says school meaning Jones international University and then the second one is the alliance for American quilts Q. S.O.S.  Then the third item is the part about being an athlete that we have to train ourselves to be more proactive and I think that has to do with just our system of organization.

Under the school section we have the three classes that we are involved in right now meeting adult education theories by Prof. Knowles, the business grant program by Dr. Hargiss, and the strategy class that is coming up next.  Under the Knowles class I put things as far as an intro, and then I listed update separate weeks that we would be in the program. And then under each program week I put down with the link the two papers that were written that week that I had stored in Word program. With the Dr. Hargiss program I also listed a conclusion which is something that reminds me of how the final class ended up and any final notes I have to do to be taken care of it. Such as right now I feel like I have checked in for the last time and although the room is open for probably a week I've recorded everything I want from the program to OneNote, we recorded the nice comments that Dr. Hargiss left us at the end and we notice that we got 100% on the class which means we had 995 points out of 1000. I will take that any day. It also reminds us that we have to go back and follow up with the survey at the end of the course. We haven't done that so far but I think it's something that's worthwhile. The reason that it doesn't get done is that it's rather intimidating is 35 questions long.

The next area of focus or responsibility is our situation with the alliance for American Quilts. What we did with this section was to list things under two things right now and I'm sure more will go on to it later like maybe correspondence with Amy. Maybe I can do that now. Good there are two  transcriptions that are complete and the second thing is transcriptions to then the transcriptions were completed for Testa, but McCoy, Carter, and Wasilowski. Behind each of them I have a link that goes directly to the recording that we had on them, and it also includes the transcript that we typed out from them.  The next set of things under transcriptions to do we include the name and recording for Alexander, Brackman, FindleyWolfe, Breland, Lynch, Michalski, and McCarroll.  These are the people that we need to do next. These come after the interview we have to do today on Fisher. And then of course we have the item which is centered which is correspondence with Amy, I think that we have her on one note, let me check that to me sure. Cool I just linked it so no correspondence with Amy goes back to all the letters that we grouped together in one note that she wrote to us or us to her. This is what I'm talking about as far as efficiency it is wonderful.

The next major topic is projects. We don't have a lot in this category yet but what we do is a good start. This project includes things that are number one doing something special for Rich every day and then I said in February and then on the specific date which was entered as letting him go fishing and reminding him to be happy. I think that doing something nice for Rich every day is a project. The next thing I have is quilting which list out all the different items that I can think of are projects. And nonetheless project that was there at this point is housekeeping will fly lady. This is where I think I'm going to go back to her Flylady Journal I think it is called the control Journal, and when I'm on top of my game enough to be thinking about fly lady means doing things and zones like particular rooms that need to be cleaned or habits such as making the bed getting dressed in the morning taken a shower cleaning the litter box all those kind of fun things are not good to get into all that today but just to know that it is under projects wide or just close that window up. Anyway the time now is 8:30 AM.

And were moving on I do want to say something about the various topics. It starts off in the very center with the dashboard and that is colored in green dark green baby forest green. I did the color coding of this couple days ago. And then the next sections when inclined the main topics like one were talking about now under strategies/outcomes is in a deep red, and then a late purple followed by a pinkish purple. The links aren't as special as in color just that I want to notice that things are progressing by step and I want to be able reference later by which color. I think also now looking at it there's a lot of white links and that's things that I've had it since I was doing the coloring. I think I might save this for maybe two times a week I'll go back and I'll recolor the new one since if it's center maybe if I can be calm enough I can wait for a specific day once a week- once a week would be good when we make this something that we do on a Sunday.

The next air we have is a small one and this is the things waiting for Rich litter this we generally have about five sections right now one is Rich to go fishing and then I have a little special note that says day one Rich leaves at 530 and on time I might go back and add another link to it so that I'll do that now. Okay what I just did was I put down the Alabama trip I forget the city now I might remember that later on but then under that I put day one Rich leaves at 5:30 AM and he's on time all that other little notes that I think about towards Rich as I go along and then I'll be able to add all the different trips that he goes on with the club or on weekends so this'll be just special respects and keep up-to-date with what he's doing the other four sections are things that Rich has to look at, things addressed to Rich talking to somebody like right now he needs to talk to his accountant, things that Rich does inside the house, and then last things that Rich does outside the house like Wendy's doing his errands and such.

The next major section is things that might show up on my calendar. I don't really know how to distinguish this between the task list or not that young the upper part on this one has though two subheadings in one those things that are day and time specific actions like right now I had Bob and Linda for last night and then I have Dr. Marvin appointment for today and then the other main one is day specific information which is things that are coming up like I knew that I had to buy today get some information from the pharmacist for Dr. Marvin and we had to we need to stop by at the pharmacist to check with their drug prescription program that's.

That's all there is to that section and then now the next section is a big section it's on actions. I think some of the actions are going up to the upper part -as far as the to do list but I don't have it all figured out yet.  The main sections under actions are things such as calls, computer, office, home,, anywhere, errands, and review. Will try to be a little bit the sink but this is a very important section because it includes a lot of things that are happening pretty much by area. My call section has things like I have to call the hospital financial people and see if things are on track with my Medicaid they had a task to do and I need to follow-up, I need to call Dr. Knowles asking her to talk to Catherine to resolve problems of getting my other class registered, and I have to call Catherine about the classes if I don't get a hold of Dr. Knowles or even if I do that I need to keep with that track. And then under her computer I just have a right now that I have to remember to blog which is what I'm doing right now I would like to say something there in that we're setting ourselves up with the Dragon to be able to get things done on paper very quickly, have a specified time in the morning, and really get our thoughts down on paper.

The home section is things like I need to get Duyen's sewing machine ready to go with Kerry and Joe which might take some forethought, I wanted to get Rich is sure to engrave, although that's the shirts that he is wearing this week, so won't happen this week. Some of these things aren't really specified to go up on top yet it doesn't have a lot to do part and effect I think that might be something is when I make these things active maybe that's when they're going up onto the top I also have to consider what to do with the tree. I have to unpack a couple items from the work boxes in the sewing room that was Rich’s suggestion before it left. I think that's about it for the home section for the school section I just have down that that I'm going to start my new strategy course on Sunday, March 5 and that I have to skim the table of contents. Somewhere down the line I put that is a to do item for when I go to Dr. Marvin's if I take the book with I can skim that in the 1015 min. of waiting for his appointment.

Under the anywhere topic I have just listed right now the sewing weekend for the girls and that I broke that up between things to bring and things that I am working on for projects so as far as things to bring I remembered the blocks the cutting boards space and Rotary cutters and that I have to remember to bring the computer programs Microsoft and Dragon for Connie sue to second put that on her computer and that's all I've really got list of right now I have to get back to this one later on this is part of David Allen's program though is that you get things down and then you progress someone you're there when you think about it and then you have to be thinking about it and he wants to have people with open minds and it's like I think he calls it mind like water means it's open and flowing so you can take care of anything that strictly in front of you and he relates that to karate.

The next section is on errands and right now I've got to errands the first one is that I need to deposit three checks from Rich and those are sitting on my desk already signed, and then the second item is that I have to go to Best Buy and look for USB adapter that is big enough to hold six or earplugs because my system next my computer is just totally unruly. The last section is review which is a section entered under scratch. I think that meant that I had a note that I need Rich to look at to see what he wants to do with. And then there is something an invoice from central center that I have to have them look at and see what to do with it.

I do have a waiting for others section is a maiden section after actions. But I don't have anyone right now I'm waiting for this be somebody beside Rich. At this point were over to the left side of the dashboard when everything's closed up the both sides are balanced and I do want to say that I have a picture in the background and its picture of a couple shelves on Ann's shop – the quilted basket. Basically I just wanted a nice gentle background that wasn't too demanding. I love the fabrics on this particular study shall since the blues for her Civil War patterns it's very calming.

Okay now back to the red topics.  Under the main one I have agendas and I think this is different from some of the other things but I haven't really figured it out yet I know that it allows a space for somebody's name and then listings down for that person under one part of it is a agenda for one-on-one conversations and then underneath that is one-on-one conversation for meetings and then I put underneath that one-on-one for vacations. Under the one-on-one and I have listed Linda for one thread and for that I have to apologize to her for being so much off schedule, and then the next item I have to do with her is Dr. about what needs to be done over the weekend. And then I've got underneath the twins I have to write them a note asked him about staying after we get done sewing on Saturday the section under meetings I just have listed one meeting here of Dr. Marvin at 4 PM where the other notes that I had with Dr. Marvin were things I had to do in getting ready this is something that is just you know what I have to do. And then the last section under vacations I've got listed things like going to Minnesota with Connie sue on April 13 to the 17th, the first Saturday sampler, and for Saturday with the girls. I have to work out the space to in that I think I've got them over on the right side for something or another but under no clarify this part later right now it's getting closer to nine o'clock I really want to get a jump on jump I really want to finish what I'm doing so I can move onto the next significant that laundry scheduled at nine. I can't believe I said I have not I have to leave writing for laundry.  Wow!  This must be the new me because it certainly wasn't the old me.

The next red button under the main section is TP assist and that has to do with the program itself I'm I want to go back and was later that set of instructions. Looks like it's got a space for instructions and notes but will think about that later there's another major red section none of these have as big a section is what was going on over on the right. The next red one though is the incubator. This is for things that I want to do some day and door this calendar start for later on like I'm I want to press down that I'd like to make it to Minnesota this year to see my mother but I don't really have it down when to something I've got on the back of my mind we do have one thing down there right now and that's that we want to check on if there's anything I should be paying attention to with the kiddies because we're just think it through this morning that there are 14 years of age almost and we have to figure out I mean I think Scan old at about 18, so they might be in the elderly ages now, but it might change how I start to think about them and how to process the next stage of their life. Anyway it's an incubator that's that something and thought but it's nothing concrete right now I can close that window.

I don't know what's going on with this next section there's a journal section and that's pretty major section are supposedly it collects all the different things that are going on during the day but I'm not sure I would just tried to press enter a few times I'm not sure what it takes to get that moving pick right now it's only list out the 2012 and then February and then the dates the 26th and 27th, but it hasn't listed anything for the 28th which is today so I'm not sure what I have to do to get that moving. I just tried a few things but I'm still not sure where I'll have to look it up when I more time later on but Tom things that might include be included on that is things like yesterday we had Journal items for watching out for the tax money I needed to finish the daughter loss quilts needed to finish Nikki Scott I think it's like things that I changed it looks like the things that were being changed was action strategies my life so I don't know what comes with that I have to really think about that later auto relievers also note.  Okay that's the beauty of the system like this is that it just allows you to put down things you don't think about things, because you're your unconscious is just processing over and try to get you to finish those things because there's that gestalt thing where you want to complete things and so this is part of it is allowing you to do that under whichever section I just press on tour I think what I was under my dashboard was that a close some of my topics. I'll get a handle on that later I will have to open up some windows. But now it's 906 I'm really watching my time I said laundry 9 to 9:30 am but I'm getting close.

There are only two major color red topics left. One I haven't come up with too much use for yet but that is supporting materials. The only thing there so far is I've got a link to the 2012 receipts that I was working on yesterday it went all the way through January and February. It is on Excel and in general those categories are written down in two worksheets. The first worksheet has all the different receipts according to date so generally first obviously comes before February 23, and in general I put the date to the time because as a generally on receipts and then I put down what the store was like Walgreens or Wal-Mart, and then I start listing the items that were purchased by the codes that are listed on the receipt and it goes all the way across like probably about 30 to 40columns a crossed of just item labels on the first line and then on the second line there's prices and there's a line in between each of those different roles so that each general row has the item number the price number that a space before you get the next days and next stores same thing. I hope that makes some kind of sense. But then at the end of the line I've got different subsections that might have a sort of like totaling such as there's a column for discounts column for the subtotal there's three different tax columns I think that's for state tax local tax and county tax most items don't have all three but there's a few that do so we had include all those areas that I have one column for tips, and one less column for the totals. So then at the bottom of that I have inspection section for adding up the numbers. So on the subtotal I have about $1120 for items before taxation and I have about $1170 for totals after taxation that sentiments above $50 I mean that's bad but it's paying for something important right.

On the section sheet I’ve got the same information but it's put a little bit differently it groups things by the kind of item store it is. For example my categories are for number one car gas and merchandise for the car that would also include repairs anything to do with cars. The next section is for eating out we don't have a lot there because Rich hasn't collect a lot receipts and then after go back and check his credit cards for a lot of this to fill-in to make these things really accurate the next section is on pharmacies like Walgreens and CVS. Then there's a section on sewing with get items are from both the quilt basket and Joann’s which seems to be my primary stores I shop at and then there's the biggest section which is the groceries and merchandise primarily from Wal-Mart, but it will include two loss: Dominick's food for less wherever Rich happens be shopping. I think as far as cash receipts this is area that Rich’s done the best in collecting because he is very conscientious of getting things recorded for the modern money he's spending on groceries or at the grocery store on all the things you notice it includes cats and cleaning goods and all toilet papers all that kind of stuff for that section for the last two months it looks like we've spent $700 before tax and $726 after-tax so like I said including all the dry goods, cleaning goods, bathroom needs like toothpaste and cats, this is probably not a real bad thing it means that were spending about $350 a month on each of those items good thing to know somewhere I would've thought it more but I was budging just the groceries alone to be about $400 so I'm not really a far off from what I was including against. Rich is really atrophic shopper I saw through the items were going through one at a time that really the most costly items were things like what I liked like my fruit cups and my peanut butter and my grapefruit juice and then items spray cost a lot more than water and not to go too far into that but if it cost more money is probably one of my items.

That makes me feel good the last section is called the reference section and originally I thought that might not hold so many things but it really does because this is where all of our bills ourselves we have a section over on the right with the test summary I guess section in other says that when it comes up that I have to pay bills and that it will list out all the bills that I have to pay but after that the bills go down to into the reference section now I'm just wondering.  I had five bills under Rich’s name or under bills and now that I erase something I might have a race that I might have to come up with a different system so that's not so easily to lose but over on the main section were all the bills paid for the months of January and February are I have a lot of different things but they're broken down like almost everything else by category.  My main categories are income or banking, medical, government, home and cars, and leisure. Under income and banking I have listed everything is happening with First National Bank of Brookfield, American Express for Rich, St. Rose center for Rich, Jay's cash receipts, the game checks, and that I've got one section for the 2011 taxes and another section for retirement.  Under the First National Bank of Brookfield I list the four different accounts and in each of these counts what you end up with is all the documents that belong to that like there's those receipts to get from the bank and then there's the receipt that you get month by month I've got a copy that went to the scanner of all those things and they end up in one of those four counts because as our bank accounts.

The St. Rose, Jays, and games those are the different income sources from Rich he's got a few more that are getting recorded yet like he gets his retirement check from JV us, but we'll have to figure that out later. It's an auto deposit to his bank so maybe I'll pick it up during that when I look at the bank accounts specifically. The American Express is self-explanatory and it's I think Philip credit card that Rich is really using a thing he's got one more credit card for Bass Pro which is your garlic in the thousand dollar limit on it but that something us no matter affect the change that the breath ever made thousand Island dollars down to $2000 because he didn't want so much hanging on his credit but those are self-explanatory. I don't have anything listed under my 2011 Texas because it will regard to the accountant but I've got all the papers collected in awe every like is that everything on here is not the to scanner and then the retirement accounts they include things like whatever Rick has and I have like if I have something on my pension it would go in that area.

The next sections are not as big I think but maybe so I think it doesn't goes deep. Like right now the medical it has a section for an section for Rich and then a section for pharmacy or drug store and that basically is just a list out all her different bills we have in each and then under the government section I've only got a few things in here so far because nothing's really come in for the first two months but that might include the SSI or the disability checks anything have to do with the government. The next section major section from the references our home and cars and this includes one section for the cars and SUVs, one section for insurance one for furniture one for utilities. The utilities account covers things like Comcast and phone and the electric bill. Under the furniture, we are Smith got Ashley's which is where we got our bedroom furniture enriches still making payments - payments under insurance we have pretty much different to different accounts one for Rich and one for myself from State Farm were not in the same category yet. And that Unalaska category we have cars and SUVs. You're probably aware by now that we bought cars in early January well maybe are not but we but cars in early January so got one section for general things with cars like repairs and other Stuff than that of God things different divided between the pilot the civic the CRV and then the Highlanders under the Toyota brand so I'm in a close up a few those windows deceived 21 a look at those sections

Wow. That was a lot it's now 9:29 AM and I'm wearing about word Linda might be at I haven't got a chance to talk to her for a couple days so want to get the laundry done so I can get that looking over my general schedule– I've got to get the laundry going and that I wanted to start doing things on the list that I haven't talked Lindy yet so maybe what I'll do is assemble and copy of everything and so she gets idea what we’re going through but I don't know if it's particularly interesting to her and I don't know what Lynn is been doing I would want to spend at least half an hour getting caught up there some a BA underdog just as and when she's online the next part is having lunch finishing up the laundry and then were going to want to work for a couple more hours check the dashboard again and then we have to we might want to check and see what needs to be gotten ready for the trip to Dr. Marvin's basically. I and to the pharmacy and the USB cords can we do that after Dr. Marvin's what will we need. I know that other people have busy minds to and certainly some of the things they may be doing a more important but it does kind of blow me away that there's so many things on our minds go through and sorting out one schedule from the next. I'm going to keep this note in the background may be minimized. I want easy access to one note because I wanted to be an important software for us but I need to get this out of my mind to and be doing something practical not that writing a book is impractical yes yes yes that's what this is all about were writing a book what you thought it was more technical than all that. Just a matter getting our thoughts out right now we feel about as empty as we get. Till later -bye.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Good morning,

At least I think it is a good morning. I have been trying to get through with the school whatever it takes to get my grade registered from the first course. I sent out the following letter this morning.

Please Dr. Knowles and Catherine,

I feel desperate here. I know Dr. Knowles that you sent in the grades on February 7th and Catherine I've waited very patiently as you stated it might take a couple weeks. But, my grade for the Adult Theory courses still hasn't been registered. Dr. Knowles I've tried to follow up as much as I can. I talked to Catherine as a special request to assist me in staying where I need to be with the school. So twice a week we've been following up with what is happening in getting this grade registered. It is still not registered - at least it still states on my dashboard that I have 0 credits and that I failed the class. I did very well with the class; I need both of your help to resolve this issue. Catherine says that I should ask you Dr. Knowles to contact the university again and let her know what happens - I know Dr. Knowles that you've already done this, but I don't know what to do other than to ask could you follow-up on it again to assure things went through. I'm not sure why you should call Catherine other than you being called by Catherine and I don't understand not being given another resource to contact as far as making this happen. It is my understanding that the registrar doesn't talk to students, and I'm not being given another reference number other than the two of you. Please help me before something happens to my financial aid. I'm afraid Dr. Knowles that Catherine states she's been in contact with the registrar and believe that the next action must come from you. I feel very badly for imposing this on you again, but could you please follow-up through the registrar and Catherine ... whatever you send to the registrar please also send to Catherine. This is something that matters greatly to me. Thank you very much

Ann M. Garvey

I don't know what else has to happen to make this work for me. I feel that it is unfair because I did for eight weeks’ worth of course in eight weeks before that eight weeks before that and still not being registered except for under the first two attempts to fail. Catherine is telling me that it is all my responsibility, but I'm in contact with her, and I have been in contact with Prof. and I've been following up twice a week. She states she has been in contact with the registrar but I don't know if that's happened more than once or twice her information doesn't seem very new. And I've been told that the students cannot call the registrar's office direct, but I'm thinking I have to go over some buddies head. I just don't know how to do that yet. If I don't get a response in the next several days possibly by next Monday then I will try to connect to somebody higher than Catherine when I am contacting at the school switchboard, and I might try going through Dr. Hargiss to see if there's anything she can do. I don't want to put either Catherine or Dr. Knowles in that position but I'm very frustrated. I can't afford to lose the course. I don't know if it wouldn't cause me to fail at the school or fail with student financial aid, but both those options are not acceptable.

Boy, it sure doesn't feel good to start off with such negativity in the morning. It doesn't make it much better also that I woke up later than I would've wanted. The cats finally got me up at about 6:30 AM. I found there was a pretty deep scratch about 1 inch long on my left forearm. I can't say I remember getting it but I'm pretty sure I know who did it. I've been kind of stumbly. I had some leftover dinner from last night that was left over from the night before. And, certainly we got ourselves another cup of coffee.  We left the TV on very low last night because it bothered us to go to bed without hearing something in the background.  Usually, we have Rich to go into in our bedroom and so without that, it makes it feel lonely. I do have to pat myself on the back that we got to bed.  In the past, we would have never made it past the couch.

The next thing I did after writing the note and checking my e-mails and Facebook, and by Facebook I mean slightly, I just check the message section, I did not check the home section, was to go to the mind jet. It has moved a few things around on me. I don't have the mental stamina enough to deal with that yet. It seems to have moved some of the work from areas of focus responsibility to the task summary area. I am not sure if some of the things that disappeared from the summary area went fairly, or just disappeared. I noticed that the AAQ entry I had marked as the fifth one is now missing. I will have to go back over and figure out as far as which ones I'm considering task it seems to be adjusting the task once I'll have to look again to find out if there's anything missing also from the other task mentioned the previously – again, this too much for me right now.

I feel like I had drunk the night before but I know I had not – there's no real alcohol in the house beside some margarita mix that I know I didn't taste. There have been a lot of yawns too. I would like to say that I got a note from Duyen. She said that she and Thom are real busy. Tom is doing very well in school and received A's in his statistic course. Duyen has been doing school also and has been looking very hard for job. She seems to have gotten something in an ATT store, but she only has 13 hours which is not enough for her. And so now she's doing very well in the interviewing process of getting a new job possibly at a bank. I hope she does well I just worry about her getting too much to be doing. I would hate to see her lose her efforts at school just for job.

I think she's more worried about working than anybody else. You know how much I would like to see invested in the school. I was also afraid because she said something about Tom drinking alcohol to help him get through his life and that worries me a lot especially because alcoholism runs so rampantly in both Garvey and Ludford families. I think that my daughter-in-law was smart to say something to us. It is not that we can do much about it except recognize it, and try to assist when possible. We really do have to wait for an opening to do that. Right now we are not really in too much contact with Thom. It feels like just knowing he's there is enough, and that much more contact would be overwhelming.

I didn't hear from Rich this morning, but I'm sure that he was up busy very early. He did call last night. I had first come home from Dr. Marvin's and had eaten dinner. Then that a few minutes after 7 PM I went to Facebook to see if Linda was there. After a few minutes she signed on, but she had Internet problems and I did not have the endurance to stay with it. I had to lie down on the couch and fell asleep until Rich called. Apparently he did not get a chance to go fishing. I think he got in about 5 PM. He talked about there not being very many good restaurants in town but there were a lot of people. It sounds like there are houses all around the lake. He seemed pretty relaxed all told. He was sitting towards the back of the motel where the lake was and talked about there being a dock so that they could actually pull up to the hotel and go to the bathroom in their own room. That's a lot better than trying to find a tree in a crowded area. *Laughing*

Oh Lordy, I think I might have not only the yawn problem, but I also seem to have a few hiccups. That can't be good.  This time while writing, by the way, I am working directly in Word and I am trying to be better at correcting mistakes as I go, because yesterday was a lot of time spent fixing errors afterward.

Okay going back to Rich now. It sounds like he and Ron had a good trip and that the conversations were easy and comfortable. Ron then Rich gets along very well. Rich says that Ron invited us to his 50th wedding anniversary; I think it is June 15. And, Rich’s mom appears to have invited us for St. Patrick's Day dinner I believe on March 18. He says that Andrew one of her grandchildren will be there also. I know he loves to cook, but I don't know if she's serving him, or if he is serving her, or if they are working together. I believe she is having corned beef which sounds about par for the course. It has been a while since I've been at their house. It just seems or so much other things to be doing, but I know that's not fair to Rich.

I seem to have lost my train of thought again. I needed to take a break from him to fill up coffee and other. I don't know if I everything I needed to say anything else about Rich’s call. I guess for now we should just move on.

We saw Dr. Marvin last night. That seems to have worked out pretty well. I remember telling Linda last night in the briefest of messages that we had adult parts out with Dr. Marvin most of the session. There was some rocking at the beginning while we were waiting for him to read the paper, but other than that we did very well. That is, if staying in adult mode, is the whole deal. The first 15 min. of the session were about catching up and doing things like taking care of medicine and pharmacy needs with the new Walgreens program. The next 15 to 20 minutes was with Dr. Marvin reading the transcript from yesterday. There was about 10 to 15 min. talking about the material we had just gone through with him in reading the transcript. And then there was a definite 15 min. The time, I remember looking at the clock where we specifically about what it going on last week with younger parts. It took us a few minutes to go back to remembering that sex had been talked about on cue from Dr. Marvin. We couldn't remember what the stories were but we knew that there had been incidences of things being remembered the week previous and that we felt we should be going back to that, so lightly. Dr. Marvin brought back one memory in that he said Barbie dolls and those had had sex. That was about enough to overwhelm my senses, so we didn't really go into any depth with that except for to acknowledge that it had happened – only that we could remember saying those words.

It is hard to figure out what to do with that next, but I think we were talking to Dr. Marvin, or he was talking to us primarily about doing that kind of conversation where we could step into them and out of them without losing too much time. It is very threatening to the system that we could get lost in those kinds of thoughts. I think he was staging that we might do it, and I think we interpreted the word "safely."  I had the sense that we had really never gone into too much depth with the child experiences of sexuality. It seems that we have gotten to this point before where we were thinking about it, but life always seems to derail those thoughts.

Well, we are back again. We seem to have had some trouble in getting around Dragon. Sometimes he can be a testy beast. We tested inserting of responses in case Linda signs on. We don't have that magical clue yet on how to get things to respond in the write a reply box, but sooner or later we will figure it out. It sounds like Linda must be having a busy day because her friends husband is going in the hospital for surgery, but we don't know what that's all about right now. I'm glad that Linda's friend has someone to go sit with during the surgery. I hope it's not long or complicated or dangerous. The nicer still would be if it was routine surgery and it's just in and out.

I think, we somehow also avoided because we were starting to talk about Dr. Marvin thoughts, and was getting a lot to be processing. I don't know where to go with that. Maybe it's time to move on? I hate to leave it so vacant though. Okay where were we at? You have the general time frame. The medicine part and general catch-up was necessary, but never as much fun as getting into things that I want to talk about. We enjoyed very much watching Dr. Marvin go through the good morning note that we had left from yesterday. We won't have him do that often but we needed him to see what our new system had been and how we were trying to organize our thoughts. It was a major paradigm switch. He didn't say anything about us being too overwhelmed with the new system, though I'm sure that is on the back of his mind somewhere. I think there is some magic involved when we come in several sessions with the problem, which we had been trying to organize, and inputting things down on paper, and then coming up with a system to take care of just that. It speaks to the endurance of the multiple systems. I hope I left a better impression than not with the Dragon. We seem to be doing it more productively today and that were watching over what we are saying instead of just blindly talking into it, so some of the edits are getting done while we are talking. We had to do something because yesterday the amount of time in edits was just astronomical. It would be great if Dr. Marvin got the program and he could help us learn more about it. You just have to imagine that he's a very quick learner.

One of the nicest things about Dr. Marvin reading beside he is picking up information very quickly and very accurately as to our ability to translate what is happening in our minds, is that we get an opportunity when he's reading to watch his face. I cannot believe how well we do and transcribing the thoughts we believe he's having. Not as much as what he's thinking, but that he is appreciating what he's reading in some aspect or another. I think we live for the times when his eyes curl up just slightly and that his mouth switches over to a slight wavering smile. He's not overly obvious, but I suppose after so many years we can read some of the things that are affecting his emotions. Plus we love to please him so when he smiles it's very encouraging to us.  Okay that's almost a mushy part about us and him. It's a little too sensual and that we talked about his mouth at the same general time span as we are talking about Barbie dolls and sexuality – if you want to flood someone system that would be about how you would do it.

*Pause* we had to have slight break there, in that all of a sudden we needed a desperate ice cream sandwich. I would suppose that meant that it was overwhelming someone who eats ice cream sandwiches in our system possibly, and that it could possibly be me. Just want to check in too. It is about 9 AM, so we might be thinking that we should be moving on, although certainly, we are not ready for that yet. We are just barely stumbling through our Dr. Marvin thoughts. Seems to be that we are having as many thoughts as we are trying to avoid – I don't think you can appreciate enough how difficult this is to think and write through.

Dr. Marvin seems to be thinking that in general, we are ready for this new phase, which is my terminology and not his. We don't have his exact words or thoughts; I do know that we talked about were memory and memory processes that we have. I think he said something about us not being able to bring things to recall, and we talked about the dissociative processes and associative processes, and I think he said like we don't associate like most people in that one thought leads directly back to another and another, we seem to spend a lot of time switching to avoid one thought from the next, perhaps that is what is happening here as I try to write one coherent set of thoughts. I don't know any other way to process life, so I can say it's more complicated than anybody else goes through with their own difficulties, but it does get frustrating in that we are trying to think of one specific thing and our mind is doing everything to avoid it. In a –

That was very funny. The other Linda called a minute ago, and she said, "So to you know what today is?"  I was like shoot it's Wednesday right?  And, she said that it was Sadie Hawkins Day. And, I didn't know if that was, so she explained that this is the day that women ask men to do things like go to a dance, or get married, or all that – and that it only happens once every four years, so this must be something for leap year. We told her we would let Rich know and I was sure that he was can appreciate her good advice. We discussed briefly how much more relaxed he might be now that he's into good fishing time already this spring, so we might be able to spring this other news on him. *Laughing*.

Okay, trying not to avoid the real discussion. Let's go back patiently. Somewhere in this conversation we did discuss with Dr. Marvin also our grades, and we talked about that being very confirming in that when we were able to give it our full attention that we got such a good grade. The last course was 100%. Okay, we are still having problems with lost five points, but 5 pounds of out of 1000 is still 100% which is terrific. I know that intellectually, but perhaps not emotionally. It allowed us to have another little conversation on becoming a doctoral student and that now we are two courses done with 34 which is 6% of our school life. The only other way to stay in learning is for us to become an educator, and I suppose that's what I am going to be doing. I think in one way or another Linda tried to pin us down to what are we going to do when we grow up – not exactly but so to speak. It's now getting to be a pattern where we explain the people we are not going to grow-up for a long time. We are going to keep going to school until we go bust. Our way of thinking is that if we can handle the emotional overload, just how cool would it be to keep getting 100’s one time after another time after another time. I think intellectually speaking we might have that in us.

Okay trying to get back to Dr. Marvin thoughts we are as darned confused as what is going on in our brain as anything. I remember having thought that before this part where we tried to write about Dr. Marvin, was like the old days we used to write in our blogs. I think in talking to Dr. Marvin that got good reviews – that is, doing the blogs over again. We both know that I need some kind of system, and I have to do with our memory, and we are needing to trace back thoughts we are having because everything seems so lost after we speak it or think it. I have the sense that we are going to be going through something totally new, but I know that we've tried doing this before and we've never gone all the way through.

Now Dr. Marvin seems to think that we're in the right position to do so. We talked a little bit about where St. Rose had left us … Mostly we were so overwhelmed with the system of what was going on there that we had little chance to do something that was psychologically much more sound for us. Dr. Marvin is very good in helping us get through those feelings of shame or whatever it is that makes you feel that so many years were wasted. I think I came up to the conclusion; that if I had not of have those thoughts and experiences, I would not be able to do what we did. And, it somehow set the structure or scaffolding for maybe what is to come, so that would be a good thing. I think it is in the little ways that our brain used to process things especially things that were difficult for us on an emotional level with all of sister's ups and downs.

I know that the work itself became very discouraging, because so much of it was doing work that had no meaning for sister, so while she was giving us one assignment, she was thinking that we should be doing something else, and the time constraints it put us through became too impossible to work with - like knowing that we had CARF to work on and then giving us very time constricting things like three groups of circles during the time we should've been working with the other. Okay, that is way too much on this. We are going to drop again St. Rose business like a hot potato.

We’re back! We were talking to Linda for about 40 to 45 min. She says that the surgery for her friend’s husband is just outpatient which is good. And then, she had a lot to say about the vacation. So it sounds like she will be back around 4 PM. So we will look for her then, and we will look for her again about 7 PM. I hope her day is very meaningful.

I think our thoughts are so far gone. I found myself drifting while waiting for Linda to type. It's just that I didn't know where to go while waiting for her to introduce the next points of her conversation. When it comes to vacation time, it's a lot more just reporting of what's going on, not so interactive. It sounds like she's going to have a good time. She's worrying about her mother-in-law, and whether she'll be able to travel with them around the city, or if she will need to stay home, hopefully she'll get out one way or the other. I know it is hard for Linda to not have plans and that the extra variables like her mother-in-law being hurt. It is difficult to handle and it would be for anyone. No one gets enough vacations so that you want them not to be as wonderful as you could dream them to be.

By now we are about 11 pages but double-spaced pages done and we had stopped to read what we had written. When we don't edit in between times, the volume of work just gets to be too much at the end. The writing and the editing have to be balanced. I also can't help that today we seem to be very tired. We had enough sleep last night, so I'm not sure what the problem is there. I can't say enough how much the doctor appointment seems to have affected us, or maybe it is all the work on software that we have been doing over the last several days. Or who knows it could be anything.

I think also that our brain tries to avoid, so now what we should probably be moving onto the next thing, we find ourselves still holding back because it feels like we don't have everything down that we need to put down for this exact moment in time.

Okay, we will try this one more time. We were with Dr. Marvin. We had a reasonably good time. We got through the business at hand with the prescriptions and general lead-in to the session and then we went through the processes we been under for the last 4 to 5 days. Then there was a little bit of coming out of that, and then, we seem to have the time necessary to go back to the session from last week. This is the 15 min. that seems to be giving me a real feeling of being in the middle of an obstacle course. I suppose if I was being a real nice part, I would just let it go. So I have to ask myself, why is there that push? Why can't we know what was happening? Most likely it's some kind of defense mechanism. Moreover, what Dr. Marvin had been talking about as to not being able to associate thoughts, and how dissociative our mind is? This is nothing new right? We've been dissociative since before the sky was blue. We still get frustrated with it. Because we think that our thoughts are being blocked from us. We would really like to know what they were. How'd we get over something that we don't know? This could be a problem. We don't even know what it is that is there, so how do we know when we're getting over it or not.

I didn't really mean to be talking just about the frustration, that's all you've really gotten so far. Have you ever had to sit with the block between one part of your brain and the other? It literally feels like a great big cold concrete block has been put down in the middle of my brain, primarily in the four head region. I'm thinking now, what is it that I have to know? I know things are safe. And that no matter what happened in the past, I'm okay here in the present. Dr. Marvin said that we would work with a system of being closer to the top of things, so we can come back and forth with less stress. We both know I have to be able to walk out of that office at the end of the session. That seems to be something that's very ingrained in our brain.

So what is the next question, let's think. There seems to be a little bit of question about Dr. Marvin. I mean I think that sounds like the stupidest thing in the world because we've learned to trust Dr. Marvin over a very long period of 13 years. Why should we be questioning his judgment now? Is that judgment? Or, is that abilities? Or, is it something else? I know we talk something about building a structure. I think that was more on my thoughts than his, although he seemed to understand what I was saying. I remember one of the books I had read where they had a safe almost like a clubhouse where parts would do their transitioning. It seemed that there was always some question as far as it being a middle ground to converse with the individual parts and their therapist before opening and shutting the door to this other side. I don't want to make a system more complicated than it really is. Perhaps, there is something in a visualization that would make it feels safer, a little bit more distance from the real problems. I think were afraid to find out what's really there. There's this part of us that would like to believe that nothing is there.

I can hear some part in the background of my brain saying, come on just get over it! Like so what? What is it that you want me to get over? By now I'm raising my voice, and we are sounding a little bit more excitable. Help me set the stage here. What is it that you want me to be doing exactly? That seems interesting, in the past when we wanted an answer, all we had to do was ask a question and then wait. And someone would respond back to us. Is it like that now? Okay, let's assume it is. What question do I want to ask? Okay, thinking here very hard again. It seems obvious that somebody needs our help. Can we have a name of which part needs our help exactly? Kelsey seems to be the first name that comes up. Okay, what does Kelsey need? Seems she needs to get back on schedule. I think she wants to do transcribing because that's the part that keeps coming back into our head as something that is not being done. It does surely feel like we are trying to avoid the subject.

This is very interesting. What happens if some of the problems that we have of doing things on schedule, or being in a position to help our parts was really about our inability to be responsible - and for doing that next thing without so much hesitation. Thinking here again of David Allen and his suggestion for being in the present as much as possible.  That is why we are writing so many things now at this point of time.   Allen said that we need to leave our thoughts questions anything that's going on in her mind in some safe place like through writing, so we can let it go and move on to other things we want to see. We want to get to the part of the flow directly in front of us because that's where we can fairly interact. Would that seem very logical? So, possibly could this wall of frustration where we don't feel we're getting to the bottom of things – could this be a brain shelter for doing something responsible? What is it that we’re afraid this could happen there? Maybe we are going to have to do this kind of a middle ground where we write, think, do responsibilities, all the time at the same time. Could we do that? We would have to test this out. It's now 11:11 AM, if we went to our mind map where would we be? Why don't we open that up?

It seems the goals and objectives time schedule which we are supposed to be following, states that we were supposed to wake up, and have coffee, and go to the computer. That part seems to be done. We were supposed to handle the dashboard a little bit, but it seems past that for the present, t because we feel too much behind. And also, we could consider this part of the regular session with the program and just attach this document to the other. We do seem to have some difficulty in letting it go. Letting go of things that are safer, like hiding in our brain and actually doing something physical like transcribing, because that would take us into responsibility land. But what happens then what happens if we are responsible? Is something going to happen to make that a bad situation? I don't know we might need to trust our next set of thoughts. I want to just check one more time if it's really Kelsey, and if it's really Kelsey wanting to do the transcribing work. Let me just take a second. Okay, I think that's good she did say something about leaving the windows open so we could get back to the writing when and if necessary. So the next part is going to be about setting up Windows. First thing we need to do is minimize this window. Then there were three parts that we had to get out. We need the Dragon first, and she started right now. The next thing we need it was the transcription program. Okay that part of our situation is called express scribe probe and we don't need the part up with the other dictation names so were going to say those are done. Okay now we're doing the part where it's supposed to be loading … we just then have to plug in the foot pedal, and then open a new Word document, and then push the pedal down and type, right?  Yes … we can do this too!  For now bye!

No comments:

Post a Comment