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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Dedicated to Carey Burgess!

Carey Burgess :)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012 at 12:29 PM

Good afternoon. I am almost embarrassed to say this, but it is already Wednesday. The time seems to fly by so quickly that it's an effort just to grab hold of it and hold on. The last time we wrote was on Friday, and we continued that on Saturday when we posted it. I do seem to recall that it was like an eight hour edit session, but it was about 18 pages of single-spaced text in Word. For the record that is about 9000 words – you're right we are of the type that would check something like that out. Just as a comparison five lines of text are about 100 words. I think that is part of our problem; that we tend to write so long that it takes a long time to edit, we’re tired at the end of it, and it takes some time from other things that we could be doing also. We are in the stream of thinking about that. We don't want to constrict ourselves, but we need to be more aware of the time. Have we stated this before?  We are getting hassled by both Dr. Marvin and Rich for being able to get a balance of things accomplished. When Rich left this morning, Rich was like, you have to finish some housework, and I was like yeah right it's not happening. I didn't tell him that, but it's pretty much what has happened by the time he finally got home. It's already 12:30 PM and I'm just getting to the writing part.

What we have been doing so far this morning is that we first checked out some books that we had ordered for low-cost or free on the Kindle - that was back when Rich was still here. And we were still doing it after he had gone out and come back again. He had had breakfast with Bob. After that we came over to the computer and we did a series of things. I'm pretty sure we checked out Twitter, e-mail, and Facebook. We also checked out the Learnist site. We're still editing that with our mind. We did show Dr. Marvin the Learnist site and updated him as to the news site so that was pretty cool. He seems to be grasping that we are doing a lot of things with the site. I don't know how much he remembers from one week to the next, but if anybody were to remember it would be him.

Rich had left us with another request this morning before leaving. He showed me a coat of arms for Prussia, and he wanted me to make some adaptations to it so it could be used for his logo. We made sure to tell him that it was an exceptionally difficult process to do what he was asking, although we had tools in our hands to do it. We started looking around, and ended up back at Adobe TV, but there were so many things to be looking at that it just became a little overwhelming. We did do about 4-5 videos, but we lost it on the last one that was 108 min. long. Most videos are 8 to 28 min. long. We then sent Rich a list of all the videos we needed to learn for editing the basics on Photoshop CS6. It was a bad request asked in that Rich wanted it done in a week’s time - considering that I had so much other stuff to be doing as well. It just couldn't take all of our time.  It had to be worked more into the current schedule though I wished I could have the knowledge to make Rich’s request just happen.

That pretty much takes us to where we are right now. We did get a chance to talk to Linda for a couple of minutes. And I felt bad in that I got a little restless when she was taking time to look at a map instead of talking to me directly, so then I asked if we could talk later – hopefully, when she wasn’t so distracted. For me to sit for a couple of 4-5 minutes without doing anything while waiting for her to respond was just way past our patience abilities. I feel bad because I didn't want to do Linda a disservice. But, I didn't know what else to do without causing a mutiny within our system. It's so competitive the way we fight for time and concentration. At this point, to be doing anything without our own movement on the computer - especially in the morning's, is probably not such a good idea, but I did want to talk to her. We will have to work more with this and be upfront and honest with Linda.  I know she is worth it.

There are several things that have happened since the last time we wrote. I don't think I'm going to again be able to remember too much of it. On Saturday, it seems pretty obvious that most the day went to editing the blog from Friday, and we might've done some of the actual writing on that day as well. I'm trying to frame in my time as to when I think that Rich came home or if anything happened Saturday night. The only thing I really remember is planning that Thom was good to be coming the next day. I think I was having problems about Diigo acting-up, so there was some frustration building from there. I don't recall if Rich was here not. We've been sharing him with his mother who is having problems with the drinking again. Rich was here yesterday night but I think twice since Saturday, he was over his moms. One time Bud called because she was argumentative and Bud had given up on her and just left the house, and then the next time she had fallen on the floor and he couldn't pick her up. So she had to stay on the floor for the hour it took Rich to go from here to there. There's so much to be said here but for her privacy I will stop, but I need to say that Rich and I are looking at the situation differently. He sees it the way that he has to work it out with her, and I see it the way I would have had to work it out with my boys if I were in her position. And, I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't be as lenient as to babysit me while I sobered up, so I could finish the bottle in eight hours without falling down. I'm starting to think Rich is a real enabler. But, his mother has such a caustic mouth. I'm sorry. Stop! Let us just say that we have different opinions.

I think things piled up for Rich and us by last night. We had come home from Dr. Marvin's in really good mood. And, I had known that Rich wanted to talk over things going on the wedding, so we did that, but in the process we became argumentative between each other because of the handling of his mother. She has decided to go down to Jillian's wedding which is fine for her being the Grandmother to her granddaughter, but Rich is in a process of denial thinking that his mother is not going to drink while she's gone and we are saying that she most likely is and that the drinking is going to cause problems so we should be prepared.  She got a room at the same place the wedding was going to be held, but I see that as her excuse to basically walk to her room to pour herself as many drinks as she would like. Rich says she's not going to over-drink because she's out in public. Let's hope Rich’s way, but I have to expect the worst and most likely.

The next problem I see is that Rich's ex-wife and his mother are staying at the same hotel and Rich expects his son Jon was staying with his mother to also be visiting and helping to take care of his grandmother. I see that it is unreasonable. I don't like the idea of everybody having to re-orientate themselves to be catering to his mother because the attention should be on Jillian and Chris.  I’m thinking both Rich’s Mom and his Ex are highly explosive personalities as to speaking their minds in a harsh manner. I have absolutely no problem where Rich has agreed to meet his mother and Bud (and, his aunt?) at certain times and we go have a meal, or plan the time to sit and talk, but I don't want to be around from the time Rich’s Mom wakes until she falls out in a stupor just to assist in watching her get drunk or loud. She seems to be getting very argumentative about a lot of things and it is happening on an hour to hour basis. Rich said the last time earlier this week when he had stayed over, that she yelled for eight hours straight. She really has her own opinion and she doesn't care what she says to anyone except for she feels disgruntled by the behavior of everyone but herself.

Rich’s way of looking at it is there's nothing she can do. I said there's a lot that she can do and it all has to do with her mental processes. I never liked the idea of the world turning around one person in the center. I worked very hard for my three boys to be equal in our relationship, so that I wouldn't be more or less of a person, because I was the mother. I wouldn't expect my boys to take care of me when I was misbehaving. I wouldn't consider it acceptable if somebody was with me and wanted to argue and scream nonstop. Because, she can handle it when I'm over there more than when I'm not, I'm thinking that other people have different “less-expectations” that it's going to happen and she plays on that. I don't know how much other people affect her when she is in a yelling pattern and when she doesn't, but I know a lot of yelling is that Bud and her yell at each other, and when Rich is there, she just says nasty things. To me - I'm going to assume the way my boys would handle it is that if I'm being caustic to them, the next thing would not expect them to be there. And, if I'm caustic to people in the nursing home, then I wouldn't expect them to be treating me very well. I understand there's a thing like Alzheimer's which switches the behavior of people. But, if that's her diagnosis, and it has not been checked out then I think that different series of care should be given. Like she should be in a place where she is not allowed to add alcoholism to that problem - I understand that we all have our rights. But she should have responsibilities, and that she can't conscientiously then take away the company manners at 90% levels.

I'm not doing a very good job of not talking about this? I don't think she has Alzheimer's and that she does have some good brain function. She can think as well as almost anybody else, it's just that she thinks also she has a right to get mad at everything that is disagreeable to her and that causes her to yell and scream out loud and say negative things to hurt others which is abusive.

Now I'm looking at a series of symptoms and having second thoughts. It says that dementia symptoms include difficulty with many areas of mental functioning including emotional behavior or personality - she has that, language as far as her speech abilities - she does not have that; I still think she has memory and perception abilities. I think she has a lot of problems with perception and thinking using good judgment or cognitive skills.  I think she has a lot of problem with thinking and judgment like her not understanding that she's an alcoholic and that it has a bad effect on other people. I think she has problems with at least mild cognitive impairment as far as she has difficulty performing more than one task at a time, difficulty solving problems, forgetting recent events or conversations, taking longer to perform more difficult activities.  But, a lot of these things seem to be things that I as well have problems with, so it's probably a matter of degree or courtesy?

When looking at Alzheimer's - then they would also have difficulty performing tasks.  It takes some thought, but things like cooking had been easier and now she can’t take learning and adding new information or routines.  She is very inflexible with both of these, such as things like not remembering that I have three boys are what their names are after five years, or if things are not done to her exact specification. I don't think she gets lost on unfamiliar routes, but it could be said here that she strongly prefers not going outside her house, and she thinks she knows all the directions when yelling at whoever is in the car driving, but that might be a ruse for really not knowing where she's at. And, there is a complication of some blindness.  She does have a loss of interest in things that are in the present, and she lives most of her life in the past. She is having personality changes and loss of social skills. People smile and nod their heads, but it really is nothing to smile over, because her behaviors are rude and demeaning.  Unfortunately, when I apply some of these categories to ourselves – we’d be in trouble too.

Signs that say Alzheimer's is getting worse are that the symptoms are more obvious and interfere with the ability to take care, and includes changes in sleep patterns and often waking up at night, which is something she definitely has problems with. She has delusions, depression, and agitation big-time. You can't fault her for reading and writing problems because she's having difficulty seeing. I think she's pretty good as far as remembering details, but will not choose very many current events to pay attention to. She remembers her own life history.  The only hallucinations she has is when she's been drinking, but she has a ton of argumentation problems going on, and this time Rich was talking about her striking him which is a show violent behavior. Another sign is poor judgment and loss of ability to recognize danger.  She is always falling and is bad at guiding herself, especially when she's been drinking although she does not recognize that drinking makes life more dangerous to her. Most the time she wants to be left alone, and she doesn't get out socializing very often. She does have church contact, although I'm not sure; I don't think she goes every week.  I think Rich is right in that she should be getting out talking with others her age more often – like making visits over at the nursing home with people who infrequently get visitors.  BUT, she needs some counseling not to be overbearing on people.

She does not have severe Alzheimer's in that she can understand language, she recognizes family members, and she can do some of the basic activities such as eating and dressing if you give her enough time, and she does do bathing skills but she does not take baths or showers. She is having problem with incontinence, and I don't know about swallowing problems.  The report states that other tests can be done to rule out anemia, brain tumor, and chronic infection, intoxication for medication, severe depression, stroke, thyroid disease, and vitamin deficiency.

It says that there's no real treatment for Alzheimer's, but the goals of treatment are to slow the progression of disease though this is difficult, and to manage systems such as behavior problems, confusion, and sleep problems. They also suggest changing her home environment so she can better perform daily activities - this has been done. And, she should have the support of family members and other caregivers.  She does have a lot of support of these especially from Rich. I'm not as helpful – like barely at all because Rich doesn’t want me to see her as she is, or allowing his mother to be attacking me directly.  Bud’s kids are helpful to a degree, but they're more cautious and rightfully so about what she's doing to their father, so they are primarily Bud’s advocate not Rich’s mothers – though they’ve given her a lot. They are especially protective of him. The benefits of checking out medical treatment would be that it could slow down the rate of symptoms, but the article states that the benefit from the drugs is usually small. She could be helped by some drugs like the Risperidone, Haloperidol and others - two of which we have, or we were utilizing. It does help to be calming our behaviors, especially in the evening when we are tired and more prone to acting out which is like a prevention of our more psychotic episodes where we are out of touch with current reality and tend toward being younger. The article does say that there are support groups for Alzheimer's disease and depending on how quickly the situation develops, the more or less effect it will have on a person’s lifetime. It says that people with Alzheimer’s usually die earlier than normal, but she's already in her early 80’s.  It states that during the final stages, the Alzheimer’s person is normally totally disabled, and then death usually occurs through infection or organ failure.

That doesn't seem like a good idea. I don't want her to die that's for sure. Rich loves his mother dearly.  It says that some of the complications are being abused by an overstressed caregiver who is acting like Bud in that he is having a lower tolerance for being able to take care of her civilly. At those times, Rich is being called in to help. She is having loss of muscle function and other mobility problems and breaks her bones and skin fairly easily. She is harmful or violent towards others especially through her caustic speech and now hitting or kicking. She has trouble with ability to function for self, such as needing help to pull her pants up and down. She is having more trouble interacting with others, and she's had trouble with malnutrition and dehydration from her refusal to eat, drink, or take medicines when she's mad and drinking - as a punishment to others.

It is good to have started the thinking process with this, but now that I've read the article, I might want to present it to Rich. There - I just printed it out, and I reread it again, and I'm going to have to talk to Rich about it, but he's going to be in very strong active denial that anything could be the matter, or that her doctors hadn't already seen what is there. But, I don't think that she's telling her doctor how angry, aggressive, and demeaning she's being. I don’t know if the Grandchildren know that either.  I don't know how much could be done to change things even if she was, but it would be a better situation in handling it because people would know upfront what they were dealing with. Okay, I went into the situation with Rich's mother a lot more than I had originally thought I would.  Obviously, it's bothering me that we’re not coping with her as much as she's not coping with life, and I have to make sense of what my feelings are telling me about myself and her as an observer to both. I think a lot is on Rich’s shoulders, but he doesn't see that it's affecting me also.  I’m not in his more responsible position or thinking like him, but we are being affected by the fallout of her behavior on him.  It is a lot to take on another person’s anger.  It is obviously going to spill-out in Rich and our relating, and then there's just a lot of time when he's not around because he's taking care of his mother.

I know this sounds pretty selfish, and I apologize for that part, but the angry part is that - because there's so much alcohol involved, and I have gone through the results of my grandfather and father being alcoholic, along with being physically and verbally abused by our narcissist mother, I lose empathy points to them.  Alcoholism is an illness and cannot simply be wished away or excused because I think somebody has control over that, or should look for rock bottom as part of life where people need to change because of danger to themselves or others. Rich's logic though is that she's old so she can’t change.  My thinking is that she can't be happy with all the misery that she's vocalizing and I don't know where it's coming from.  I think it has to be really dealt with.  Where all is this anger coming from and why doesn't she think of it as her responsibility not to be dumping all that on other people, particularly the ones who love her most. Where is the fair consideration?  She forces others to help her, but she does not want not to acknowledge to them that she is beholden to them.  She just torments others. It's just rough.  Again, she’s placing everyone else as responsible, but with no authority over her as if it is natural for them to care for the injuries with her falling.  Also, Bud has more authority than Rich, but he’s handed the deeper control of his mother over to Rich without Rich being able to make decisions on her behalf within the community.  It’s just rough – especially for Rich who REALLY doesn’t deserve this.  But, of course he is Rich and will always be the true blue knight.

By the way, we just got a call from Rich. He is on the road and it is about 1:45 PM. He just got done shopping for the baby buggy that his son and daughter-in-law wanted for the new baby. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it yet but the baby's name is Jaxsyn.  It's an unusual spelling, but it sounds the same as Jackson - at least from what I know right now. Apparently, Jaxsyn came home last night which was probably something of great excitement for his family. I feel very mixed feelings and that is baby brought into the world and is Rich’s grandson, so in that regard I'm very happy for the situation, but the parts that are excluding me from ever being a part of that person's life are hurtful and insult to my more maternal feelings. I know I have no maternal rights to be included within this family structure, although all those constructs of Rich developing a life with his Grandson are happening with me.  Again we are invisible. Nonetheless, Rich picked up a baby buggy and he was so excited because he got 20% off. Oh Lord, that must've meant he spent at least $200 on the baby buggy. That came at a cost. He just doesn't make that much money anymore. Supposedly, his ex-wife called him and asked for the buggy specifically and as usual, he falls in line with her demands. I think she does it just out of guilt she puts on him and control. Okay, we’re not going there either.

Rich is going to be gone today probably until about 5-5:30 PM. So, we have got 4-5 hours left to ourselves. No problem spending that. We have to continue thinking about what is happened that we haven't written down. And, I think that the machine is going to stop us in a second and tell us that we have to save.

Okay, I did that - it's all done. It just seems that at about 6 1/2 pages Dragon says - I can only do this much data and still go back and reread it. So, I find that if I save my document, and close my Dragon, and then reopen both of them that I'm good for another six pages.  All is good.

One of the things I did before I started typing was to put a new screensaver on my computer so instead of it being Rich and his mother; it is now just switching back and forth from all the pictures in my picture file. I've got it timed to change every one minute. The screen has been left pretty much blank because I've been enjoying it, but when it brings up pictures from work I just get really tense, angry and uneasy. That's the hard part. Okay, let's move on.  We have little patience for that as well.

Let's go back to Saturday. Are we remembering anything about that? I know we still had housework to do and it seems that Rich was in the living room. No I can't say remember anything after that. The next day was Sunday. I remember that we were working on something from the computer. I would like to think that it's still the editing work from the day before but I'm not sure. I think it was about 9-9:30 AM that Rich finished his Sunday morning show, I finished whatever I was reading whether it was from the Kindle or from printed text, and I started moving around Rich in his chair which is also unusual because I figured it was time to clean. I was going faster than him at the time and we got quite a few things handled before he stood up to do something as well. But, then he got busy to and it didn't take very long before we were both done. I did talk to Maury and Joe in-between things and we had a pretty good impression that Thom was going to be here somewhere between 10:30 to 11 AM, so we had to go pretty quickly. I was showered and dressed when he got here, but my hair might've still been wet and Rich had not showered yet. I was arguing with him to put the vacuum cleaner away when I heard Thom's buzz. Rich was still moving slowly, and I wasn't so happy about that, but I was eager again to see my son and that trumped everything.

For the next amount of time, I spent with Thom talking while Rich was in the kitchen doing the things Rich does. He still hadn't cleaned off the back table which was all of his business stuff, but Thom stayed out in the living room and we just talked. It was so wonderful.  Maury had called on the phone between things and discussed going out for lunch at Panera Bread. And, that really worked out well for Thom, Maury, and me, and Rich decided to use that time to go grocery shopping. There is no doubt in my mind he's absolutely the best household person to have, especially in the cooking and food departments. He put out a really good meal for dinner of glazed ham, noodle salad, beans with bacon, fresh bread, and a very Rich chocolate cream pie for dessert. It seemed to go over pretty well. I think that Cari said it best when she said any reason not to cook was a good dinner to her.

There were a couple hours in-between lunch with the two boys and the time it took for Joe and Cari to get here. I was a little disappointed that they didn't bring their dog, but it was a full house, so I suppose not. They said they hadn't even thought of it. Maybe they are used to going without the dog. We watch some TV while Rich was still cooking in the kitchen and they seem to have a series of either reality shows or game shows which are not my preferences, but they made it pretty funny anyway. There was a lot of entertaining of Thom with Cari because he was making her laugh so hard and often, and Joe was quieter and more preoccupied on a hand held game which didn't seem like a very good sign to me. Dinner turned out to be really good, and pie was to happen after Rich finished in the kitchen.  We offered to help, but I also know his viewpoint on me spending as much time with the kids as I can, so he let me go and I understood.

Among many other things, including Joe and Cari’s home move, I was pleased that both Thom and Cari let me talk about what I was doing on the computer a little bit with the dissociative projects. And both of them read for me the two pages that I had written on myths put-out in the public. They didn't say too much afterwards, but it was really impressive that they read the first sheet, and then they held onto and read the second sheet too as if it was of something enough to hold their interest. I think right now that's the best we can do as far as expecting any kind of response back from them or anybody. I think people need time to process it.  I hope to put out some more into it today so it can be more visual. We had found something new called, “Learnist,” which I think I said something about previously, but I think that happened on Monday night.

Going back to Sunday night - I think the family stayed together until about 8-8:30 PM and I think by 9:30 PM Rich and I were in bed. I wanted to stay out longer, but I think Thom was giving indication that he was getting tired as well as Rich, and we certainly were tired which we discovered after looking at the computer again. We were still having problems with the Diigo program and did not want to find ourselves frustrated with that. We were up the next morning before either Thom or Rich, but I couldn't tell you by how much time. I just remember coming in he the living room when it was dark which could in part be because the curtains were drawn. Thom had the blanket pulled-up over his head and since he had gone to bed with the air conditioner on I could see him bundled, and I'm pretty sure that left another good memory for me of Thom being so peaceful and present, though of course in our Mom way, wondering if he was warm enough.

I do remember Rich coming in and saying something about books that I purchased online. I don't know when that happened. But, we do know that there was like five or six books and at least three of them were free, maybe four books. This morning when we sat down that was the first thing we looked at, but I think you heard that story before. I remember also that Thom turned down cereal or any other kind of breakfast, but later found that he had gone to the freezer and picked up an ice cream sandwich for his breakfast. He’s like his mother in this regard. 

He doesn't take very long to get ready so we left him to sleep as long as we could. Rich and he had already discussed earlier that we would leave for the airport about 10 AM. I think his flight was at 11:30 AM and he was going to get back in DC by 2:30 PM their time. The drive to the airport was hard for me, maybe more than for the other two. I let Thom sit in the front with Rich, and I tried not to talk too much “silly girl talk,” but there was a lot of gooey-mom stuff happening in our brain. I think all mothers have a right to that no matter what their male counterparts think. I knew I was going to miss Thom, and it was going to be a hole in my heart when we had to say goodbye. But, he allowed me a very nice hug when we got there and just before he disappeared into the airport he turned around one more time and gave me that winning smile. I think he knew that I was looking for something like that and it made me feel like a million bucks. It is also making me cry now, so I have to stop that kind of thinking. I did manage to tell him in the car how much pride I have in him. I knew he understood but it was something that he needed to hear from me too because he has to just know this is how we feel.  It is another Mom right.

Okay wiping away the tears I can do this right? Thom was very ready to go home and he had told me that on Sunday.  We had teased him that he had to put on the shoes and click them if he was going in that direction fast. He's been away from his wife for a month now and yesterday she was supposed to be back from Vietnam, and they were supposed to have a couple days together before either one had to go back to work. I hope that was a smooth transition, I think they left a little bit on bumpy grounds, but shoot when lovers have been away that long, it is bound to be a pretty good reunion.  Otherwise, we are back out of the picture until another family opportunity comes up to arrange another meeting.  Thom is thinking that both he and Duyen will be back around Christmas and that he will be out of the service by March.  He’s thinking that he would like to work in Japan for at least a year starting in October, but none of those details have been worked out.  He had a lot of positive to say of his working relationship with his work partners and I think they will be included in the decision-making, but as well – certainly Thom and Duyen have a lot to talk about.

I'm not sure what order things went over the last couple days, but I think it was Monday night that we worked on the project with Learnist. That would still leave Monday afternoon not accounted for. I don't know whether Rich was here or gone, but because it was a workday, most likely he had left. I'm just not sure what we did that day. I do remember saying something to Rich, maybe that evening, about having an enjoyable week of having had a fairly clean house. I think I might've been at the computer until about 9-9:30 PM and we were just starting to get to the good stuff, when Rich got the call to leave for his mother's. I just remembered after that I stayed-up and worked on the Learnist. I will leave the link here so you can tell what I was talking about - Learnist.

We didn't finish that part that you're going to be seeing if you click the link until sometime yesterday - probably before we went to Dr. Marvin's. There was something else that had developed over a good part of yesterday that would take a bit of explaining, but I don't really want to get into the big long story. Maybe I'll leave another link here Adobe forums. This is the spot where we had been working through our situation with Adobe e-Learning Suite 6.

I have mixed feelings about how to express the story at this point. I know I have to record it because I record almost anything we can remember, but there is the bad part of it and then the great part of it. Maybe we'll start with the great first. The great part is that somebody named Carey Burgess probably made the nicest gesture that I could ever imagine. She is the Adobe representative who helped me while I was having a problem with the other representatives on Adobe. I'm just now looking at Google and it says that she's actually an online/social customer success lead at Adobe and she's working out of Portland Oregon. She's only been there for about nine months but she made all the difference in the world. Now looking at a LinkedIn semi-profile it seems that she's really got special skills and technical writing, web design, Mac, Photoshop, Windows, and HTML. She also seems to have come from DeVry University like our Thom and he hangs out with other Adobe employees, developers, ambassadors and she's interested corporate social media.  She is proud of being an advocate for others – especially in dealing with Adobe, or most likely other e-learning needs.

That's a surprise!  Maybe it shouldn't be, but I think that Carey is actually a male, and all those things that I thought weren't being addressed by Adobe, actually were being addressed by Carey. I found a long list of his latest content that goes from one day ago when I addressed having a problem to three months ago – just on the one page. It seems like he deals with all kinds of problems and on his brief bio he says he fights for the users. I really believe that. What he ended-up doing was that he made sure that Adobe gave me a free e-learning Suite 6. This was just unheard of in my book; I didn't expect anything like that. But, we realized later what really made this unique was that all the time that we were arguing with the people that hadn't served us well at Adobe, I was under the understanding that Adobe e-learning package was $600. I had paid for one part of that package for $300, so I didn't understand why they couldn't give me a $300 break in paying the rest of the $600. That is all I was asking. What I discovered afterward, after Carey had given me the gift, was that the package was actually an $1800 program.  Carey didn’t tell me that.  On one part of the site they say that the suite is offered at a student rate which would've also been $600, as well as $600 being an upgrade cost, but then when you go to purchase it like we had tried, Adobe’s web page had said that they don't have any student and faculty breaks in price.

We had during the course of the problem staff who didn't want to deal with me, shifted me to others, told me they were going to do something when they didn't, which then had seemed as a lie, and just plain-out hung-up on me. I knew that I hadn't said anything bad except for to ask for help, and at this point, I can be pretty sure that the people in the positions that weren't helpful at all were probably locked into a position where they had responsibility without authority. Neither of them seemed overly intelligent. And instead of breaking out of their mono – dialogue, they just were circling me around, and the one supervisor who did step in, only stepped in to assist the chat room person; there was nothing they would do to help me or suggest a valid solution.  The person just repeated as if she hadn’t heard the problem a few moments prior that that person at their customer service was already proven to be a bad person to call, and at that had taken 53 minutes of my time in waiting just to be hanged-up on. I didn't think much of that supervisor who was supposed to have helped because I thought it was her responsibility to deal with me after I stated I needed to go up the chain of command. I was too over the head of the chat room person. That is bad leadership on the part of the supervisor.

The nice thing about Carey was that he not only took the lead in taking care of the problem, he went over and above what he should've had to do, he apologized for the problem and the frustration it was causing us, and he also saw forward that the situation would be addressed within the company, so that it wouldn't happen again. He did acknowledge that they have some problems with customer care and I can understand that. But, it was such a good thing that he did intercede, so that Adobe won't get any bad credit in my book - At least people higher up than the immediate care staff. The lower staff in itself is a problem, but it's not my problem. It’s like when someone in higher authority takes responsibility then it is your job to back away and to let that person resolve the problem internally.

 I do highly respect the Adobe product and the services they put out especially through the software and through Adobe TV. They've got an excellent group of videos to teach people the things they need to teach to be a great company. I had told Carey but I really do think more highly of Adobe as a brand over companies like Microsoft, Apple, Google, and Facebook.  There are also some very excellent online sites for more in-depth coverage of what Adobe can do.  I had followed one of Corey’s links to something like The Creative Cow. I think that all the major corporations have standard packages they offer the public, but I think the variety of packages that Adobe offers in addition to these are pretty exclusive. I don't like the way that companies like Microsoft, Apple, and Adobe price-out there items, so that the “common good” of people cannot usually be generated. I think especially for Adobe in the teaching field their costs are pretty astronomical. I think companies like Microsoft and Apple though can make up for it with the volume of sales they have. I don't think anybody beside Adobe does what Adobe does, so they certainly have rights to their costs – though again we’re much more up for MOOC’s, TEDs, Khan’s and other programs like that.  Nothing though will take down how grateful I feel toward Carey for helping us out at such a critical point in our life.

Carey asked me only one thing at the end and that was that I really use the product to do some good in the world. I had left for him links to some of my work with both blogs, and the Learnist site. I wanted him to know that I was somebody that really did something in the world, because that's really what I think of myself as being in a growth position of starting from not much of anything to do something worthy of great worldly good – especially in teaching and learning about multiplicity, which I think is a valuable asset to our community, AND especially because it’s been given such a bad black eye by the community that those who could be served aren’t being served.   In my heart, we made a solemn promise to uphold Corey’s belief that I could do something that was great. I felt bad now after he had made this gesture that I had shown him a few of our pictures that were so elementary, but I'd only been working with their illustrator program for an hour or two and had made the simplest of designs, but I was so proud of them, and still am, but after watching more videos there is so much more to learn that are just fantastic. I'm sure that he and others like him at Adobe deal with professionals that are just over the top. It's really an honor to have been given this package.  I feel I’ve been given a lifelong quest – WITH the horse to now carry me forward.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Updates to the News Blog and Us

Friday, August 24, 2012 at 4:34 PM and continued Saturday, August 25, 2012 until 12:40 PM

Good evening. We have been messing around most of the day after we finally brought ourselves to attention without sleeping at the keyboard. We had a rough day with Dr. Marvin yesterday and it seemed to take a while before we snapped out of that space.

The last thing that we were working on is the picture you see above. We were going to do something else with our Adobe programs, but we ran across the illustrator first. We listened to a few videos from Adobe, and then played with it to create something that was very simple – the green hat above that says Dissociative Identity News. I was real happy with the results, although it isn't what I had started with in my mind. It just sort of happened. *Silly grin* we started with finding a picture of a hat and the knowledge that we wanted to write something on it. We came up with the green lettering for Dissociative Identity News. Somehow, we pushed the wrong button then we got the grid. And, after a while of not being able to take it off, we decided it must – supposed to be here. The reason I liked it is that it kind of put in a sense of an institution standing behind the “walking around good neighborly feelings” we have of going from blog to blog. In a sense almost like a paper delivery girl – except for we are collecting or aggregating the news before distributing it. I like the strength the institution gives our feelings of this work, but I also like the individuality it gives in that there is just one hat.

We put a copy of the picture in our news blog, and then we added a few more pictures as well. The other pictures were from us playing with Twitter, Pinterest, Google, and a few blog sites in- between. My favorite poster is the one that says "I Teach." This is a quote from somebody – I'm not sure who, but in red letters it says I facilitate thinking. In orange letters it says I engage minds. In yellow letters it says I listen to questions. In green that says I encourage risk. In blue it says I support struggle. In purple it says I cultivate dreams. In pink it says I learn every day. And then in big white block letters, it says I teach. I don't believe I could have said it better if I had thought about it myself. We put the picture on the top left front corner of our news blog because it is bold enough to stand out amidst the gray/green, white, black, and dark blue backgrounds by contrast its rainbow colors. I also like the actual words, "I teach" are in bigger letters that are white and balance the message background of the annotated notes.

This sort of set the Tempo for some of the other things that were on my mind. I needed to get back to Twitter where I was engaged more with social media and e-learning to be able to put in perspective the news we have been working on for dissociation. I have to believe in what I'm doing – Even if I don't know what I am doing exactly. Most often I just work towards the things that feel right and when I get tired, or cranky, I stop and try again later. I try something different and in the mix I am getting a product that I am very pleased and happy with. The second new picture is somebody’s poster that had been working on minimalizing mental illness. Not in the perspective of minimizing the illnesses, but in placing a picture that will represent it in a minimal format. I found the one on dissociative identity disorder which has five yellow circles – kind of overlapping each other in a row.

Okay, so I added a lot of pictures. Maybe it is time we go down the line again to check the changes we made. There are a lot of updates. So first thing – there was a change this week in the title bar for news DID/MPD (dissociative identity disorder – multiple personality disorder).  The URL was condensed down to and the title at the top of the blog was spelled-out.  The first made it easier to find the site and the second made it easier for Google to find the site with its web crawlers. 

The news message forum window has a few new entries, and we’re really happy about where that is in the first couple weeks. And then, down the center column is all of the news annotations feeds from bloggers and people who write the Google search articles. I wish I could get those entries to follow one another without skipping to the top of the next page, but it is a housekeeping task I just haven't figured out yet. Now on the left sidebar, I have the following:

·         A drop down box for translating. It suggests that you select a language and it gives you 64 options. This is interesting. I think I'm going to take a look at Vietnamese. I just noticed that was on the list and that's what my daughter-in-law and her family speaks. Oh gosh this is so cool! It not only translates everything at the regular part of blog entries, but it also goes into the message board and translates all the individual messages like the one that Jeff and I were writing. And it translates all the blog messages starting the blogger's blogs – the 25 words or so for each blog in the left sidebar. It is so awesome. I just kept switching from one language to another and it takes only a matter of seconds. I don't know how good the translation is, but I'm really excited about this.

·         The next picture is the one I explained just a few minutes ago about "I teach." So, I won't go into anything there again except to recall for us, that it is the only thing that's really in color; the first block of space your eyes look at on the page, so it stands out and that's really exceptional.

·         The next part is an open search box and this is to search things in the blog, and it is particularly helpful if I was going to search for everything from any particular site.   For example, I just highlighted the words which is one of the bloggers in the group. So then, I can take that URL and paste it in the search blog and not in the first section of “this blog,” but on the next one, “linked from here,” I get four boxes all with the blog name of Faith Allen. But, that was just the start of it because in reality the search boxes have located 3,680 results in .48 seconds. So I've got pages like one through 10 on the bottom, and I have about 1,850 results in .14 seconds from the box listed under the web next to the "linked from here," and "this blog." But, it also works on major keywords for example; this is what I got when I enter the word "decision":

Aug 20, 2012
'With what proposition is it seeking to reconcile the decision at hand (psychiatric coercions and excuses)?' It seeks to reconcile the decision to deprive innocent persons of liberty, and to exonerate guilty persons of ...
Aug 21, 2012
When someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder talks about their core, if they are able to (core/alter awareness varies among systems), they are talking about the one who makes many of the decisions for the system.
Aug 11, 2012
I've made the decision - I need to wake up. Two Xanax at 1:45 did not help. I will not be going to ... It's the kind of bad that has me questioning every single decision we've ever made.... 1 week ago. savingolivia · I just called…
Aug 16, 2012
I made that decision a few years ago to fucking get over myself or whatever my issue was with my inadequate self/home/cooking/whatever and just reach out. The Internet really has helped. (But this dinner also shows how ...
·         it is beautiful, just beautiful. I can look at these clips and say that decisions were made about psychiatric coercion, the multiple core making decisions for its systems, an individual making a decision about her medicine, and a multiple making the decision to get over her – inadequacies. This reminds me very much of the work we did with the Paper Tiger back when we were working. Theoretically, it should give us the ideal of being able to hold conversations from different bloggers on the same topics. Like perhaps for the first part talking about psychiatric coercion, it seems the nonbelievers of multiplicity were saying that multiples give excuses to avoid responsibility and that society has to make a decision about "their malingering," where the multiple projects that his core part is the one that's making final decisions.  One of the decisions is to reach out for help, which doesn't seem forthcoming from the general public.  And then in the next section, the multiple is saying she's not sure whether she wants to wake up or not. Which seems to me some aspect of on a wide spectrum of wanting to die, which is definitely not being understood by the general public - basically one of the ideas of reinterpreting what is out there is to come up with new thought patterns to better understand or gain insight of multiplicity both in the circle of the multiple themselves and in society as a whole.  The part of allowing the details to "fuzz-out," is just another system we've used of "doubling our vision," but it is not exact by any means, but more a means of speculating insight.

·         the next part is the section called please find us also at: Blogger, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and LinkedIn. I think we've explained these buttons in the past, but they all lead directly back to some of our other social media connections.

·         The next part is a chat room which hasn't really been tested yet, but there is a picture of a coffee cup on the side that we have talked about before.  This is a real simple white and black image, and it just suits my purposes to be inviting another into a relationship through conversation – just now, we need another person.

·         The next one is a picture and this is the one that has the five bubble heads.  We've talked about this at length. It was one of the pictures found on the first day.

·         The next line is Ann's Syntopicon which was last updated on August 19, 2012. This is that 3 1/2 page paper that has subcategories of goals, progress, tips, to-do, concept thoughts, emotions – negative, avoidance/denial, triggers, self-destructive thinking, helpers, and summary/conclusion. This is really in need of updating, but I haven't felt like I was on top of the “being able to write in my blog,” and “being able to keep up with the news” yet to go through this, but it is on the priority list.

·         This next one is a picture with the white background, with a green oval circle, with a light sketch of a the white handprint. This poster says, "no stigma" and then states "inspire the courage to live." This is something that I found today when we're looking at the mental illness section and it seemed to go perfect on top of the next section on mythology from the public, and it is a reflection of the last thoughts we are having on multiples deciding whether or not they should be alive and anchored within society.  It doesn’t appear the public in general wants to or is able to give help – at least in understanding.  Most often it seems to be spoon-filled with the "cartoon version" of multiplicity.

·         The next section is multiple mythology or mythology busting. We last left this one about a week ago and this one has about 49 items so far, and it has statements such as: 42. If you are a multiple, then you just are... It's not a game of pretend, a hoax or a plea for your sympathy. Or 45. There is not a multiple personality gland. Or, the last example here – if the tea party differs in their internal viewpoints, it does not make them multiples. I think you are starting to get the drift here. Dr. Marvin gave us a nice complement this week when he said that the myths would make a book. That idea gave me good reason to smile.

·         The next part is another new picture and this one is a representation of dissociative identity disorder in the form of a simplified drawing. In the background is a dark grayish setting with five medium-sized yellow circles – with the front middle circle being brightest and then it duplicates on either side and this is a representation of again - dissociation. I liked it for simplicity, and that the yellows were so bright and loses its opacity toward the edges giving it a sense of depth, and that the image really does seem to represent kind of the flood of ideas we had in a few of the other pictures with the bubble and the person standing in front of the crowd of other selves, in that the vision is being duplicated and blurred to more than one.  

·         The next part is the section on "please signing our guestbook." And, it's got a section for viewing the guestbook. I had made a nice entry this week, and I won't read it out because I'm enticing you to go over and look at it, and sign into the guestbook yourself.  But it is a good one and it was fun doing it - it "became" pretty easy. I hope that more people come by and see it and add their own "good gestures."

·         The next one  is one that we had talked about before.  It is a picture of a white rectangle with the red letters look! In the two letters “OO,” there is a picture of a set of eyes, and eyebrows are on top of the glasses, and below the glasses is a bright red big smile. I was using this to draw attention to both the guestbook and to the message forum which is the next thing.

·         The directions for the message forum is to ask our visitors to look at it often and to invites them into the conversation.  I really believe in social correspondence and in responsibly and with some accountability ask, "Is multiplicity real, and if so, what then?"  Mostly, because that is the questions that are being asked or suggested behind our backs. Obviously, the message forum is the part on the top of the page, so hopefully this is just reminder to go back into that. I don't want to plead here, but I am eager to get started into it. I think we stated somewhere earlier this week that we really need to be the one to start analyzing information that we are receiving to give others something to base their thoughts off of.  Just a matter of time, space and patience.
The next part is another picture. I just talked about this ... it is where the one person stands in the front center dressed in blue, and then the peachy bodied multitude of people stand on either side, and in back of her fading deeper into the picture. This is a picture that we had gotten again first day and it really struck me as being a multiple with their various parts.  I liked it because it included both men and women as parts and that the parts seemed so vulnerable. I know this to be just one side of parts, and the other is strength but in the huddled mass the number of parts seemed to convey – the sense of their being overwhelmed or shadowed in and from the “crowd.” 

·         The next section is another familiar one it is the blog archives directions and this sets up the reader for knowing that we have sections of the archives that are completed sections and others that are not, and we also talk about not all the news being positive, especially when we consider the Google contribution. We put an all "heads-up warning" for what might be a trigger and we wrote at this time IN red letters - the line that the news is especially jarring is marked by red text, and then we bolded-it. I can't say enough here about this. We're really not trying to upset the people who are multiple, we’re just trying to make sure everybody knows what is being said out there to put us on a more even playing field. This section also gives an updated note stating that the Google search comes in basically after 6:45 PM. Oh and one more thing, it gives a link back to our home blog if they care to switch over at that point.  Hehehe … maybe like abandon ship? No ... don't get silly you ... I know it's a LONG read and edit hehehe.

·         The next picture is one that I just found today and it re–emphasizes the blog being an educational tool instead of just a multiple source of news-like information, we wanted to reiterate the thought that there's something to be learned here, and this image is titled, "e-learning works." It is a white background and is the letter “e – l” with arrows suggesting that e-learning is a flowing motion. With this one we’re trying to put back in the minds of the readers – that there's a process that is happening with the things that they are encompassing on this page. For us it goes back into the work that we're trying to do on adult education, which explains most of the multiple parts and adds room for the developmental learning of their younger parts supported by their adult parts.

·         The next section is the blog archive and that goes to the current date of August 23 back to the earliest date that we have Google searches for - September 15, 2010. There are seven sections that are filled.  Sometime this week we decided we were going to post entries every day or two – if we can because there are so many updates made by currently-writing multiples. Again, we haven't gotten the problem resolved where we've been able to scroll the blog pages without skipping the pages and long spaces in between the annotated news feeds, but this is where we’re at – at this point.

·         We had another picture here and this is again found in the mental illness section; it is a picture of a skinny doctor with black pants and a long white lab coat leaning on the big bold word "BLOG." I thought it was funny because everything that we're doing here, including the annotated comments, are coming from blogs and right below it we have our blogs comments, and this whole thing is taking place in the blog, and the book we wrote was a blog, so I thought that was worth highlighting. I also thought that the doctor reminded me of Dr. Marvin, and probably Dr. Woollcott, and their wise words to be writing because it seemed to be something that helped us, and it also appears to help other multiples, and most likely other people with mental illnesses - amongst others.

·         This next section is my “about me” section and it's probably funny that it comes down so much from the top of the page where most about me sections are written, but I wanted to get across the first priorities of this blog is teaching/learning about multiples and the news they make in just being here - more than about, who I happen to be. I still think that readers have a right to know who is writing the blog, but it could be handled further down the line as a lower priority. We did add one little line on the description. We stated, "We believe in the power of the blog and all of our ability as bloggers to validate people." It seems like the more I go over this page the more things I think of to be saying, and I'm realizing that they are pretty much a news blog statement or stand on what my thoughts and beliefs are and in what I'm trying to do and develop with the space. It leaves me feeling proud.

·         The next part is a suggestion about if they are looking for a good book.  We greet them with our most winning smile and a link to Amazon where they can buy a copy of our book, "Ann's Multiple World of Personality," which is now selling at its best price for $21.21. I think that is the used book cost and the buy new prices are at $26.57. I think for about $8 you can still get the Kindle version.
·         After that comes a link to join us as a follower by joining this site with the Google friend connect, but alas, I have nobody that has taken me up on this yet. Maybe, he or she has gotten too tired by the time they got to this point because we have SOOO much "stuff."  But at least the offer to connect is here, and I know that on some of the blogs I was reading, I was actually looking for this so I could get updates to the blogs directly.

·         There was another picture we added today we had at a lot of pictures – this picture has six blue question marks laying in a circle that is 3-D and in the middle of it - it has one red exclamation mark. This picture talked to me today.  Basically, there's a lot of questions out there in the world but in the center of all that is some kind of answer which is challenging-like and good in that it fits some perspective we are holding, which I thought to be the red exclamation mark.  It reminded me of the old commercial of olden days when we were supposed to count how many licks it took to get to center of the beloved Tootsie Roll center. Okay, we can be silly too.  We then found a quote we liked concerning questions. Albert Einstein stated, "To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and makes real advance in science." I thought that was really an important part to having “the great conversation,” and by placing this picture" between the membership requests for followers or by our e-mail connection, it more or less invites some kind of commitment to coming back and responding and advancing an understanding of disassociation and what collective associations we could make in this concern.  I know ... I can read-into things to the 9th degree :)

·         The small submit email box is  of course for the case of somebody wanting to follow by e-mail. We did this along with filling in the follower’s box and email boxes when we were out on the road with other multiples, but it might have been an older concept back when there was not as much in one’s email box to be reading.  We might have to do something to go back and change that setting because we are getting too much mail in our e-mail box to read so there's a lot of just deleting which defeats all purpose. There is one thing though that is handy and that is if we were out of the house with just our phone, it would be a good way to go back and catch-up on blog entries without too much ado. 
Now we are getting closer to the bottom. We are at the picture that we had made today with the big green hat that says “Dissociative Identity News” in the middle of the institutionalized box. I'm not going to go through that again, but I really do like the picture. To me, it seems that each one of those little squares is another person or personality like a business building, suite, or apartment and there's just so much news to cover to take in the whole matrix. 

I do want to say something about creativity at this point. I’m not sure if I've talked about it before, but we had gone into the Adobe product and looked at their illustrator program and we just it would be fun, and I want to do a lot more of it. I mean that takes-up the whole idea that we were having before about using PowerPoint to make slides that will go in our website, especially in the form of questions.  This is very interesting to us and maybe we can soon go back into it. We might have some time. I will soon try to rustle up a small something to see if I can put in the website our first slide course - whatever from the Captivate program - that was my original intent when we had found this part of the Adobe Illustrator program instead.

·         The next section is the next to our central section that describes some of the information about the multiples being on the list for news quotes and annotation aggregation. That was another reason for the hat.  The reader was reminded again this is the dissociative identity news, which is still this blogs purpose. I know we've been playing around a little bit with all of our comments and pictures and mental  distractions, but in this section we write about our processes from going from one blog to another and the visualization of us walking around a neighborhood with blogs being houses on the block. We do give our e-mail address, and we suggest that as much as we love going to read the blogs, and as much as we like writing the blogs, that if any time somebody wants to be taken off, or put on the list that fits the qualifications, they should really contact us because we would be more than happy to reciprocate a relationship. And, with this section we leave a little notice as far as which blog we are going to go to next which happens to be right now, ”Life Multiplied” because she's at that one week mark that marks the start.

·         It seems like the pictures are going-on forever, but today we really did have a lot of visual sensations toward the pictures and representations of what they mean. The next picture is a white background - tall rectangle, and it has a lot of scroll-like designs on the top and the bottom but it's very simple and elegant, and it says in also black letters that the creative adult is the child who survived. I couldn't have said that better. I mean it just seems so representative of all the creative bloggers that are being written about, or directed towards, and how we all came from being children surviving our own abuses, and are now working at this creative outlet part of our lives through the activity of blogging.

·         The next section is the longest section of everything. It is my blog list. I had just put-up the title of  “blog list” before and I changed it today too.  I do want people to understand that this is a particularly good list and that it is actually a product or service of our work from one multiple to another – and it’s alright to say it is my list; Ann’s Blog List. I think that is our own piece of our real estate ideal in that we are making a commitment to hold together this list, and updated it, and utilize it, and to hopefully maintain it in the public eye where they can themselves be seeing the news as its being created from a multiple’s perspective. 

In my other blog, Ann's Multiple World Personality, I left the blog list/rolls to be alphabetical because there are some times that I need to get to a certain marker efficiently. But then on the news blog we decided to leave the same blog list on the sidebar although opposing sidebars, but this time we sorted according to how long it had been since the blog being represented was gaining a new publishable entry. So, we get anything from 53 min. ago, to two months ago, and to one year ago. This makes it really easy for me to take the most current blogs and feature them in the annotated area. I did a little editing because I saw that a couple had fallen past the one-year mark, but there is now 138 public blogs that were written by multiples all within a year or less. I hope to add to the list.

·         There is a short section next and that is just a simple page view which this particular blog is 306 page views.  We are not going to go into the negative about it, which was mentioned to Dr. Marvin, but on the positive side there some interesting statistics within the Google blogger program to help you find out who, where, what, when, etc. of blogology - AHA EDUBLOGOLOGY!!!  THIS WORD WAS CREATED - and NOT found in GOOGLE today on 8/24/12 YAYYYY us!  

Better go to bed and finish this in the morning *sigh*

We are back this morning, and it is now almost 9 AM. We have been up for a while, but we found ourselves over at TED listening to videos particularly on how the mind works; we'll get to that in just a second...

·         One of the things I worked on before going to bed yesterday was the picture that is this next section. It is a picture primarily in pinks of a cartoon girl in a lab coat and she is holding in one hand a first-place award, and she is pointing with their other hand to her project on the stand-up project board, and the caption on this board reads “dissociative edublogology.” It turns out there has been some work that has been done online on blogology, but I am coining the term edublogology. To me this is the part that combines my education, blogging, and psychology background, and then in working through our understanding education, blogs, and the highlighting the study through the forum within the blog, and especially the blog toward the psychology of dissociation and dissociative people. The last part of this blog page is more toward the educational aspects – as a goal. It relates to the first picture of the blog that was of the statement, "I teach." This is where we step-away from what regular bloggers are teaching us through their wise words and thoughts, and then leaving a sprinkling of the learning process and distribution of communication of “thought results” of the interest that we are having towards learning about ourselves, and ourselves as multiple as being something that we can learn and teach, especially through the blogs and blogging effort.  This area will develop - we're really hoping to learn to make the infographs.

·         The next portion is called TED Talks About Mental Illness and the Mind’s Work – Ideas Worth Spreading – Videos Worth Watching. We came across this idea last night. We were looking for a few seconds at the TweetDeck, and we realized that we were interested in a couple things and that one was getting back more to the talks on TED, and the other one was on looking at and designing infographs. We are always trying to learn something new that we didn't know before. And, then there's another part of us, just wants to be helpful. It's like saying well if you've gotten to this end of the blog and are still interested in our platform – we would like to reward the you the reader with a few Easter eggs.  

At the moment, we have 10 talks from TED's Talks. They include Ellen Saks on mental illness, Henry Markham on the brain as a supercomputer, Jill Bolte-Taylor's “stroke of insight,” Martin Seligman's the new era positive psychology, Neil Pasricha's the three A's of awesome, Shawn Achor's the happy secret to a better work, Sherwin Nuland's on how electric shock therapy changed his life, Ted Ronson’s strange answers to the psychopath test, Tony Porter's call to self, and Vilayanur Ramachandran’s three clues to understanding oour brains. We hope this list just grows and grows, and I couldn't be more happy with it!

·         I've got two buttons now on the left side of the page.  One is a picture of a round quilt symbol that says multiple in the center, and the second one is a ribbon with a rainbow of colors and both of these represent items you can buy sharing a stance of solidarity on multiplicity, and they are designed and sold by “Coping in “Crazyville”” as DID/MPD awareness products. We haven't purchased anything from the blog creator, who of course is a multiple, but we do support the site and say that it is something worth visiting if you're interested in purchasing specialized products.

·         The next two pictures are also together and one of them is a picture of us with a determined :-( and underneath it - it says, “I don't have an attitude - I have a personality you can't handle.” I happened to run across these two pictures by accident while sweeping through my picture gallery and they caught some spirit of the mood we thought was important to this news blog. I'd like to portray a little "toughness," in us.  The picture represents to me as trying to figure out something whether it was necessarily going our way or not.  Basically, the work at hand is still work, and with stubborn determination/frustrations, we are going to get past whatever adversity we’re next facing – in un-knowing the future and in being public – and, that seems to go with a can-do attitude that is part of our personality.  Hopefully, our readers accept this and us, especially toward our advocacy of multiples and their advocacy of themselves and others as multiples.

·         The next part is also two-part … it seems like we’re doing that a lot, but there are linked lists of bloggers we would like to visit, but have stricter copyrights (so - we won't accidentally take annotated quotes from their blogs for our news blog), and the second linked list is for bloggers who aren't on the current blog roll because there blogs are over one year old at the time this blog is being posted. That seems pretty self-explanatory, though it is a new section, so I have to go back and find bloggers that fits each of those characteristics.  In the past, we hadn't really done too much with these groups of people. But, we thought later that we would like to keep the collection of people we meet who are multiples together more succinctly.  I'm afraid of leaving anyone out, because there are enough multiples out there who really don't come in contact with others often.

·         There is one more link on the left column, at the bottom of the page, and that one is for an infographic on what to do with a creative block.  We invite the reader to click on it.   The graphic shows how graphic designers can deal with the creative block, and here they suggest that a creative block is the inability to access the flow of inspiration and creativity. Most creative individuals like designers, artists, writers and even musicians are prone to it. It is a very frustrating phase, known to make a person feel like he can no longer do anything productive. And because it's an infograph it has the ideas summarized in very neat attractive ways to lure us into its positivity and resource-ability.  Some of the categories include how to deal with the creative block, which is hurting your creativity? What the creative block leads to, how to identify triggers, how to kill self-doubt, fighting stress with stress busters, and then it's best representational idea would be to figuratively the chill pill by trusting abilities and relaxing.  It seemed a natural addition to a blog that is for writers.

·         Almost nearing an end – but on the lower right side we have another few infographs.  The first was by Pingdom and it gathers statistics for age distribution on social networks and online communities. It's a very colorful graphs and it goes from ages zero to ages 65+ and indicates by zero percent to 100%, the age people are when utilizing social networks.  I suppose this is more a marketing tool, but we are also interested in social media as a whole; and in trying to best communicate outward.  It goes from the older-aged person to the youngest person numerically ordered by their media connections.  The infograph uses 24 social networks and online community sites.  They are LinkedIn, Yelp, Facebook, Flickr, Pinterest, Blogger, WordPress, GoodReads, Slashdot, Last. FM, StumbleUpon, Quora, Twitter, Stack Overflow, MySpace, LiveJournal, Tagged, Hi5, Tumblr, Reddit, Github, Orkut, Hacker News, and DeviantArt. I can't say that I know all of these social network sites, but I am always looking for them and what value they might represent.  I find ourselves fitting within the statistics and recognize we’re almost to the next age bracket so delight in "holding" and still making our indentation on social media where it is not as likely something our age group would be doing.  We like to think we’re staying up-to-date not aging.

·         There's one more infograph and this one is called, “Bloom’s Taxonomy,” and it seems to be the newest taxonomy for better understanding knowledge processes for learning. If you know anything about me at all, you understand that I really do love Bloom. His original ideas included thought processes work starting with knowledge, comprehension, application, analysis, synthesis, and evaluation. The makers of this chart claim that it is a newer version of Bloom’s original work, and I will have to really study it to see if I like it as much, or more so than the original. There was something nice in the simplification of the six categories, but I have to admit, I'm intrigued by this four-wheel/spokes graph. It starts with cognition and knowledge on the inner green circle, and then on the second red circle it lists creates, remember, understand, apply, analyze, and evaluate - all of which seemed to be primarily the nuts and bolts of Bloom’s original work. On the third blue circle, it has activities for all of the previous which would imply that all of these things go from knowledge to behaviors. And then, the last gold circle list four kinds of knowledge which include metacognitive knowledge, factual knowledge, conceptual knowledge, and procedural knowledge.  I would purpose then that feelings, emotions, or affect were left out for some kind of conscious purpose, but we'll definitely play with that a bit.  Hmm.  I would really like to play with this chart especially because I have been working with our University in thinking of knowledge as something different than just having general information intake - most likely because of its usefulness and purpose. You know that I love categorization and sorting, and organizing, and systematizing things so this will be something I will enjoy going through soon.

·         In conclusion, with only just a few sections left the next area is for a world map of people who visit the site which is at this point-blank, and then the last section is a note stating that the template that were using is from Awesome Inc. and it's powered by Blogger. And at that point, the reader moves onto page 2 where most of everything we have been talking about appears again, and again, and again on successive pages while the primary column updating each sessions addition of annotated note changes.

So there you have it. I am sure it would be easier for you to just go down the list and see what sensations occur when looking at each of these different areas, but we were interested in this little bit of dialogue into the growth and psychology of thoughts put-into the development of the new blog.  It really does seem at this point to be quite substantial though just at its start. I'm not saying it's substantially good or bad, but it is what we have built so far and it’s been a bit of an undertaking. It is difficult being a multiple in the respect that each of the editing parts look at the news site, and we think, “Oh, I could add here or here, or I could add there,” and pretty much that's what we’re doing in our own multiple way of seeing life. We would like to maintain focus on the project being an educative process of learning about disassociation and it is about news that is forthcoming, or archived – both as reference points to further learning. All of it reflects either a multiple person, or someone writing about multiple people and we are thinking that each is trying to understand better the effect of multiplicity internally and externally.  In Bloom’s terms, gain cognition and knowledge of what it means to be a multiple with greater or lesser amounts of assumptions and tolerance.

I think before I leave this particular entry, I would like to include a few things that have occurred from the time we last wrote to this time - to "clean up the conference table." The last time we wrote about somehow shaking the blog entry while complaining of fuzziness. That entry concluded on Wednesday the 22nd, and today it is Saturday the 25th at 10 AM. And, now another time ... it is still Saturday, but as we're finalizing the last edit (we will not be PERFECTIONIST!) it is 6:30 PM and we've been editing for the majority of the last 8-hour "work day."  It's about time to be moving on because we've got blogs to be reading.  

I know that when we had last written we were editing and posting the blog from the previous night. We had been trying to understand through Corey's eyes her interpretation of reading and comprehending annotated news items, or quotes.  I think she was feeling some competition and intimidation with Kelsie because she wasn't feeling intelligent enough to read or comprehend the way sentences merge together and make sense to our Kelsie.  But, Corey really is intelligent and her point of view matters in the development of the work as a whole.  Her perspective is valuable in editing processes and in assimilating creative additions. Kelsie still has different attributes, but so does Corey. We are not going to jump into where she left off, but we should leave a marker at this point to say that we really need to go back and work through what we're doing with the annotated notes indicating our news feeds and potential conversational interpretations, or lack thereof - if for no one else ... at least for Corey's sake.

There has been some work since that time on looking at the linking that's on the page. Maybe that was even done in getting this particular entry written, so I won't go into it, but we do want to leave a note that we had tested before the blue links and recognize that those linked back to the homepage of whichever blogger we were quoting. There is another link less tried that is green and that actually links back to our Diigo notes which gathers everything we had quoted from that particular blogger. So for “Confessions of a Mad Woman,” who happened to be our last blogger, it's just that we are finding Diigo supplies us with a collective note that we had three of this bloggers quotes on August 13, five of her quotes on August 14, and one of her quotes on August 23. This is really -really nice. 

We still haven't figured out how to sort out that some of the days quoting merges together and we have been removing some of the staements so we don’t quote the material twice, or maybe that's an illusion, maybe we are going to need starting by not removing it so we can maintain the integrity of bloggers collection of quotes ... a little flexibility?  Maybe there is a bigger picture gained at seeing the quotes in different arrangements. We have been trying to hold to a magic number of 6 quotes.  The Diigo set-up allows us to accumulate the most important things that we had thought linked to multiplicity at that moment of time and space. We have noticed the program sometimes skips quotes or blog entries, and we just have to think too these are hiccups that also have some divine purpose until we can figure things differently.

We incidentally remember this blogger's thoughts because she's the one that makes all the remarkable and beautiful Mandalas, but in her space she's been talking about body memories that many abuse survivors have gone through and anger/frustration towards it.  She also writes that she’s been having a struggle to wake up before sunrise so she could get ready for the day. It seems now that it's more a bigger picture of her concerns and that is going to become more and more  important and essential to understanding people behind the quotes; and our more personal relationship to them, especially through the comments, and how they piece their day-to-day lives together; and how we piece our day-to-day life through annotated quotes.

In our own day-to-day life, we are going to have difficulties again trying to remember the next following days between Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and this morning. Well, I can say honestly that this morning we've been up and we were upset with Rich for a little bit, because he was more prone to talk to us about kitty litter then things that were actually going on in our minds, which will always irritate us. Of course, there's always the kiss on the way out the door and the hope that he gets home again soon, but recognizing the reality is that while we would really like to be talking to him about content, it usually only occurs when he’s taken care of the other priorities in his life and we’re both in a good headspace because our environment is free of distraction which is really more an Ann task.  Remember ... steaming shirts and trousers?  Just mostly for us … anything other than the keyboard and screens is a distraction.

Today, Rich has got to go to a football game that he's officiating at, and then he might go to his mother's house afterwards or come home - it's not sure.  Karen his stepsister called early this morning to say that her dad, Rich’s step-father, was going to be driven to the hospital because he seemed to be having a bad reaction to medicine and his hand and arm were swelling-up. That left his mom alone which is something the family tries not to do because of her many needs and frailties.

You know about the part where we have been finishing up this blog, and you can guess the next part will be editing which is going to take a lifetime because we’re already down to about the 16th page. Oh ... we caught you up here already *sigh*  When we use the Dragon like we are doing now, we seem to have more than our general share of edits to be making. It’s okay - it’s okay, part of the process. As to memories of Thursday, you know that it was a Dr. Marvin day. That is worthy of a few notations.

It seems that most of the time with Dr. Marvin was spent with younger parts. I think one of the parts that were out was predominantly Gracie. We are identifying Gracie now as the one that comes into Dr. Marvin's office and sits down on her hands. For some reason or another Dr. Marvin zeroed in on that behavior which was a "new move," and he talked to her about why she does it and about her experience. Basically, she was afraid of getting her hands hurt, and she was stating that she was facing a corner, and in her mind's eye she was in the house she grew-up, and she was facing the corner where the refrigerator and kitchen wall meet. She talked about it being harder when people were over and knowing that she was bad, and I think Dr. Marvin and her had conversations on being able to leave that corner and in helping her understand she was not bad. I think her logic was that she was in the corner so she must've been doing something wrong. Maybe there is something that our coming to Dr. Marvin's office from the illness model of psychiatry represents in that something is always going wrong, or is in need of fixing. We will have to explore this of course later with Dr. Marvin when we are able to maintain adult parts out in the session. It could also be a human propensity to sink down to the negative unresolved motives. 

I think there was some interaction also with the Casey's, but I don't remember how it ended, except that it was difficult for us to leave. I'm not recalling very much of it now except the part of telling Dr. Marvin that we knew how to get out to Rich’s car because Rich was waiting for us. This was that session he helped us get to because Thom was borrowing the car.

I think after we got in the car with Rich, the younger parts stayed out and talked with him about what they were remembering. I’m not sure how well Rich understood, and how much he just wanted the younger parts not to be having trouble still. Somehow it must've evened-out because we chose to go to a Bohemian restaurant because we know that Rich likes it.  He had been feeling down, and we hadn't been to one for quite a while. The restaurant has been around Brookfield for a long time, but we had never gone to it before. Our formal review of it was it smelled like a moldy basement and the food was bland. I will not recommend going back to that particular restaurant again. I am not recalling at this point going to bed or not.  Basically, did we go to bed with Rich or by ourselves?  Did we fall asleep early? Or, did we stay up late?

Yesterday, I know we spent some time working on the blog. And we are going to hope that there was enough information at the beginning of this entry to explain what we were doing.  Because, I certainly don’t know what was happening.

One of the things - I don't know if it's that or not, but we had a very interesting/wonderful thing that happened to us over the last couple days. With Thom being in town, he got a hold of his old girlfriend who is his son’s mother. She's raised him primarily on her own with family supports. Thom's been spending some time there while he's in town, and as a favor to us, he asked his ex-girlfriend if we could meet again our Grandson.  I don't know if we included information about this before, but we haven't seen Austin since he was 1 ½ years old, and today is his 12th birthday. Arrangements were made that we meet Austin's mom after we get back from Jillian’s wedding and talk to her with the ideal of then meeting Austin as he is at this stage of his development. We are feeling very excited about it, and a little apprehensive because Austin's mother wasn't so happy before because of the presumed “mentally ill” part of us being dissociative. I want her to approve of us and recognize us as normal enough to meet our grandson - her son, and we don't want to scare her in our strangeness, although there are certain things we do behaviorally or cognitively that are different from the norm. I know who wants to be average? But in this case, I want to know my grandson bad enough that I don't want to scare him. It has been an aching hole.

We sent pictures of Austin and a picture of Austin, Thom, and Austin’s mother to Dr. Marvin and he responded very favorably. He did indicate that he had hoped I was feeling better, but I think that has something to do with the way we were in the session and I don't remember not feeling better, except for having the knowledge that Gracie was out in the corner so that might be what he's indicating. Yes, I say this right away - after I say that I want to be more normalized for meeting my only grandson. I guess the reality of the situation is that I'm still his grandmother, and yes, I do have this bit of disorder about me.  It doesn’t, or shouldn’t lessen me as a person, right?