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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Updated! Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 100 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our email is and our Twitter account (@aynetal3), which lists approximately 300 Multiples. Keep looking for others - they are OUT there!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Introducing the DID/MPD Syntopicon

Monday, August 20, 2012 at 3:05 PM

Good afternoon. I am pretty sure were going to work into writing through the evening as well. I don't know the exact words will be using, but I haven't written for six days so I am going to probably be here for a while.

I think the only way were going to be able to do it is to back date some of the work that we had done from last week to this week. It looks like the last time I wrote was Tuesday, August 14, but that was just the posting date the last date was actually Monday, August 13. That was the day that we have problems with the cable. We're going to sum up this entry row quickly.  It appears we were going through cranky with Rich because he was rushing me to go out to dinner and we didn't really want to leave the computer. He was angry at us for staying-up the night before.  No, that was about it. Before that, we were talking pretty much about our new news blog. I can't believe how much has happened in this last week. It just seemed to be very busy.

There have been a few changes over at the new site. With the message board, there have been some posts started and replied to – probablyabout 20 posts, but the great majority of them came from me and the others came from Jeff Song. It's a great start! The two main pages or links that we added on the left sidebar are the Syntopicon and the multiple mythologies called mythology busting.

The Syntopicon is a couple pages and loaded from the Google Doc program. The first time put out, which catches us up to right now, the document is about 3 1/2 pages long. There are several sections such as goals, progress, tips, to-do, concept thoughts, emotions – negative, avoidance – denial, triggers, self-destructive thinking, helpers, and summary/conclusion. I have been a little bit fearful of it since I last posted it. It is one of those things like when we were doing the Dragon tails where we are getting into somefine detail/categorization work, but it is very time-consuming in that there are so many other things going on, that we're not sure if we are going to be able to keep it up. This is like a point Dr. Marvin would caution us on – anything majorly time consuming.  It is going to depend over these next couple days; to see how we work it out with time and a focused direction.

What I liked about the Syntopicon ... Oh Wow!!!  That was nifty! I just trained Dragon how to say and then dictate the word Syntopicon. Dragon feels much smarter already. I love it when we get over obstacles and it really turned out to be quite simple. Before it was spelling the word using four to five smaller words by sounding each of the syllables – okay, back to the normal stuff.

The thing I liked about the Syntopicon is that it allowed me to take (for a couple days work) aggregated information from blogs that was annotated, and then produce a document which seemed to clarify for us anyway where as a moving document each of the above terms/categories were falling into place. Nothing is locked in; it is more of a mental exercise. The idea here would be then to collect more and more of the comments like at an accuracy rate of 99% where each helped to better understand the word multiplicity in consideration of multiples having a very high knowledge level and series of priorities - although it would be coming in from the 140 multiples, or more.  Each seems to be not only having parts to them, but collectively, we are all parts of something much bigger - though I believe that multiplicity is still just a smaller portion of people within the world.   I never had an idea of doing anything like this when we started, but I have to admit this is where our minds are at right now and it seems to be an ongoing development of our thoughts and priorities.

There was one bothersome comment that was made by somebody as to homogenizing. I apologize for losing the link to this thought. Ahh ... I can figure this out ... Most likely when he became someone who didn't want his work "captured," we then most likely took him off the blog roll.  That is probably why we can't find the reference.  Shoot. Maybe it had been something I read in a comment sent to our email.  I think he had a valid point and that it is still on my mind as a concern. I don't want to block out the individuality of each of the different people whose work is being represented, but I don't want to disregard either that there are collective thoughts that help to explain the situation as a whole and that a collaboration of people can do more than just one person. But I haven't really lined these thoughts to any kind of degree of explaining to others what is occurring, and I'm really counting on people coming by and if interested in reading what I'm trying to do and then making decisions from there whether they want their name to continue within the project or to be taken out. I don't know how difficult that is going to be for most people. I can see two sides.

On the one side there is the negative. The negative is that I am afraid that people will consider me to be invasive as to coming and “taking” information from their writing to do with which I may. We don't know what "may" is yet and I would hope always to be honest enough not to use the material negatively or manipulatively, but people don't really know me either and they don't have any grounds to really trust me yet. I am an unknown entity. I think it is possible that multiples like me could be sensitive toward the content of their information as well. I am also looking at the part where multiples have written in blogs like I have so that might mean they are more interested in being read and so would appreciate being out there to another audience of potential seekers of their stories being told. I'd like to think that's the positive side and I'm trying to hold onto that so I don't become discouraged. Sometimes, I really feel like I have visions of something really great that is going to take long periods of time to accomplish. Sometimes the visionary work is my own steps toward something independent of others, but it still seems to want to contribute something to the greater whole and be included with others. I really do believe that; all along the statements of being only as strong as your weakest link and that if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

The only way I know how to resolve problems so far is to leave plenty of notes where ever I go letting people know who we are and about our news blog and my personal blog, Ann's Multiple World Personality and at which point we are at any given moment so they understand.

I am now including the AMWP and News blogs as links every time I comment on a post after reading individual entries. I feel that writing a comment is kind of a balancer too in that I am not taking from the work blindly. I'm reading it the first time in that I am someone personally interested in how each is doing, and then I'm reading it the second time for notes that might contribute in making the whole picture of multiplicity seem more knowable. By dividing myself (time) between so many people, I don't think I'm being over specialized to any one in particular and that has its good and bad parts.  I do look for personal relationships, but acknowledge on most levels what you are getting is the feeling of being just associated to others.

I am also trying to do a very good job looking for copyright problems. If I find a copyright restriction in either a sidebar or a tab where the blogger would not like his or her material reprinted in any form or fashion, I will most often take that blog off the blog roll. I don't think I've found everyone's copyright rules yet. I need the simplification of knowing that anybody that is on the list is somebody that I or others can visit. Obviously, I enjoy collecting the annotated notes. I have tried to leave also information on the note in the message board saying start here, and another note on the left sidebar column of the news blog so that people will understand right away that I'm not trying to hurt anybody or to invade or invalidate their privacy or respect. A good number of people either indicate in some way that they would like to have comments and people reading their material, or copying it over to some of the small buttons like Twitter and Facebook. There are only a few people who don't want any comments, or might think their work too singular or private to share with the public at that time.

I am trying to steal myself up for all kinds of reactions as people drift over to possibly notice the work. The worst possibility is that somebody will not like it and get very angry at me. And we’re going to have to try to take it not so defensively, but realistically and apologize, and then removing the blog and any comments that were made to the entry. On the good side, people will come by and notice others or their own work listed and be proud of the contribution of their out loud work and be happy that there is a link going back to their blog, hopefully to drive in "business" and that there thoughts contribute to the whole. And, then there's going to be the great majority of people who really aren't going to care so much one way or another. It would feel terrible if everyone decided to hook up their wagon on a coach going out of town, but I'm hoping that the good majority stay. It really is a great collection of people.

I will have to tackle later the hope that people will start reading the material at whichever level and speed they're at and start the process of finding small insights into their thinking processes. I know that I have one person Jeff who is making comments in the message board with me and I love it, but I'm also noticing that he is talking more about his own comfort base of information rather than utilizing anything from the news.  I also know that Sarah is likely to be one of the most likely readers or people to understand the work because of her own work with the blog showcase.  She seems to have a sense of the powerful voice of many collectively.  I think she’ll be one of the first to comprehend that there is a vision worth reaching for here even though it is only being suggested as each element is discovered and added.

I think this has to be more my responsibility in trying to start up conversations in relation to the news until somebody comes by who might like to give it a try. I'm thinking that after I do this blog entry for my regular journal, I am going to have to go ahead and take a look at some of the news and try to make sense of it in narrative form. Making the Syntopicon was one giant step toward in that it helps me to understand better the material that has been presented through the annotations. I'm trying to listen to what Dr. Marvin has been saying for so long that people don't usually do the kind of things that I do with my writing or my thinking. I am much more apt to be metacognitive in my form and analytic abilities. It is not to say that others can't be the same, or that I’m better than anyone else, but it's just that I'm not seeing a lot of what I am doing out there - if at all – doing what our interests are suggesting. I also have to acknowledge that maybe nobody will come by and take any notice of the work, or think of it as important, but that was the way it has always been on my blogs and since I'm considering this my passion - I might as well focus more on our inner groove and not worry about "implanting" our mindset on others. Still though nice to think one could have company on an important path.

I am seeing some really nice work done by a few people who are doing more of the scholastic view of multiplicity or have other researching skills. The majority of people though still write from their personal day-to-day experience which is like what we do, but less likely to be talking globally about multiplicity as its own subject. I do find that a lot of people seem to want to be teaching others of something they have learned on a individual point by point basis. I think the teaching/learning element of the blogging is just huge. I don't think most people go out to as many blogs as I do, but there are some people that have maybe 40 or 50 blogs mentioned in their blog roll. I don't even know with that - how many are going to be frequently visited by the bloggers holding the links. I notice a lot of the entries on people's blog rolls have expired where there hasn't been anybody contributing to that blog for 2 to 4 years. Maybe people hold onto the links as markers.  It speaks to me that some of these people have been around for quite a while and really know what their blog is all about and have really withstood the oceans crashing on their shores, while others are just sampling the water.

I should think if there's anything else I want to mention specifically on the Syntopicon. Maybe I could stop your just a second to make a brief summary of some of the thoughts that have been made just in the couple days progress aggregating the information.

The first thing under goals was that I listed a few primary ideas that might apply to a good majority of people and then there were some more specific goals, like the goals I have for starting this study/project. One of the goals I noticed was for individuals to be self-relaxed.  I think it has to do a people reaching their comfort level where things are feeling calm and not stressed out so that their lives progress without a great amount of discomfort or resistance. Another very strong goal is to be able to nurture kids while the kids are also in this relaxed state, and then the last of the three major ones so far has to do with people falling in love with their dream mate. It depends where they are in the relationship whether there should be marriages thoughts or other cohabitation thoughts. When people are young into relationships it seems, they are just interested in meeting someone that will accept them for who they are, although often times that’s more of a development of relationship concept involved. Okay, that part is a little of my own introspection, but we’re trying to comprehend all the thoughts out there in a manner that is balanced and intuitive.

There were two other main parts as far as what we consider goals at this time put out by the community. Again, the community starts one person at a time.  The first one was to basically educate the public on child abuse. I haven't heard anything in the community about multiplicity coming from anything really other than sexual abuse, but I've only read for a couple days and people have been writing for years and years; I'll never be able to backtrack all the information thought wouldn’t that set me up for a lifetime of work! I kind of had to go on starting with day one and thought – let us go forward from here like ok we’ve all made it up to this point Hehehe.

The second part that was a key in the goal area was that multiples thought that people with mental illness should utilize their opportunitiesto contribute toward a role in setting their own new treatment views. And by saying multiples, again I am only really indicating a thought generated from one person, but I'm speaking of that person like any of the other statements where we are coming from now, basically a global perspective of all the elements that could go into developing a "perspective of multiplicity." In this instance the person that had suggested a goal thought of by people with mental illness (MI) communicating who they are to others outside the ranks of MI. I still by the way think this boundary is fuzzy – those who are and aren’t MI.  The contributors then thought under advocacy, people could let others know what they are about through mediums like the blogs and friends who read them. And then, the last area of concern was to go outside one's own comfort range so that we can better share of ourselves as multiples – about what it means to be "us."

Progress is the next section and on this we had three different comments. The first one was that it would be progressive if one was able as a multiple to know what the experiences from the night before and the morning after - where and how they tie together. From the statement, I got the idea that individual parts weren't always the same presenter within a system and so there is sometimes a discontinuation of time that can become problematic. In this instance when the person was able to hold memories of both night and day it would be thought of as a progressive. Another progressive, and I know I took this a little bit wistful, but I really believe in writing abilities of people out there, and this particular person had stated that he had walked over the bridge that he had built to another side, but when he continued with the dream he was happy to find that he was the bridge keeper and that was a role he didn't ask for, but it hadn't bothered him either because for one, he was feeling less scared while in that role. And I know that can be a complicated sentence, but at its base I thought the bridge keeper is like a communicator within the system , or possibly between systems as a key role to keeping a system or external others balanced and the person in that role took some comfort in taking care of those tasks. And then the last, a progressive remark was that it was progressive when you might realize that you were not alone [in this world]. And, that will come up again sometimes with the work completed on accepting others into your life situation whether it be a family member, a friend, a therapist, or other. It seems like sometimes we are on our own island and having someone from the outside who would be trustworthy enough to stand within your realm – that's really a big deal, and again very progressive.

This next section was kind of a big section and it has to do with tips. I thought these were things that people communicate to other people, that if they did these certain things somehow life would be better. The first tip was to affirm that today I would take care of myself as best as possible. This is really coming from a perspective I really believe in and that people have to be nice to their own person.

I do want to say here before I go any further, because I'd forgotten the notice said earlier, but when I did the Syntopicon, I made sure that every single line, even if it was spread between a column and an indented column, that we would be referencing each of these remarks to the specific person who contributed the thought or concept, and I also put the date that was on the communication so there would always be reference points. Here I was thinking like when we had read Chaim Potok’s book, "The Chosen," and "The Promise."

Basically, one of the strongest feelings that came out of those books were - where one of the young boys had been learning to read and interpret the Talmud, which appeared to be a method his father had taught him. This part of the book was so exciting for me – most likely the most exciting thing I have ever read in fiction. The story reads that the young boy had opened like six or seven books and placed them all around him, and then he said okay, I'm starting here and now. I'm going to take that comment and I'm going to compare it to the second book reference, and then then take those two references and I'm going to compare to this next one, and he kept working himself down the line and cross-referencing so by the time he got done with one simple passage he considered it in a multitude of different ways and when in his class, and the teacher asked, he could reverberate the dialogue in a conducive manner of conveying the conversation between these great thinkers. And that process was where the real learning came; it came from really studying what the words were saying and thinking through the meanings.  We’re back to where Bloom's processes suggest the work of analysis and synthesis. There are more people who prophecy by placing wise words out in the world - like I believe this is where most multiples are with their general blogging; then there are people who interpret the wise words and their meaning especially in a collective collaborative approach, and that is when I believe I am trying to do; again working toward a larger conversation. And, you know I'm all about the big conversation.

The work that I'm looking at here isn't as complex as the great minds that had written the Talmud, but I will never let go of the thoughts that collectively the multiples are of a single great mind. It is not to say they lose their individuality, but as a collective force there's going to be found much more wisdom. I want people to understand how multiplicity works and that people are not only individually as each of their blogs reflects multiples of their own systems or families, but also speak as representatives of a world - to whichever plug-in comfort level they are best suited. I have to just start off by saying, this is okay. This is the great thing we can do and give back. And now after you've seen an introduction of it, you can choose to back out naturally, or stay in. I don't think I could have gone 140 individuals (see sidebar blog rolls/neighbors) before doing what I am developing because they wouldn't understand my intent, and without doing it, we didn't even understand our own intent. I don't offer this is an apology but more of a reference point as to how things happened as they did and are likely to proceed. The work is very intuitive and learning occurs as we progress.

Ok, we admit … at this point we’re getting a little fuzzy and distracted … Rich is home and there are switches.  I think we’re going to stop here, post and then start again where we have left off – but, just we’ll do it tomorrow.  Peace-out!


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