Attention :)


Please also see Ann's Web Page called "Multiple Work"

Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 140 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity Disorder in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our Twitter account (@aynetal3) lists approximately 240 Multiples). Keep looking for support - it's OUT there!
Please go to Ann's NEWS DID/MPD Blog (directly under the Message Forum) for the NEW Mind Mapping segment - Work in progress

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Some how we shake a blog entry out from "fuzzy"


Mon 13th - sent notes to Dr. Marvin and Dr. Woollcott about parts

Tues 14th - saw Dr. Marvin, finished editing long entry for blog, updated Syntopicon, added new blogs of missing emails from Dr. Marvin April 2001 through December 2003, talked about article on Dr. Moline

Wed. 15th - went with Rich out to the lake and then to dinner … had uncomfortable day with younger parts … Rich then gave a Slurpee, but took the older parts some time to talk, snuggled and then Rich left at midnight for fishing

Thurs 16th - considered dusting, saw Dr. Marvin again, up until 2:30 am, parts had problems because of being “out with mother” during Dr. Marvin’s session - no one to protect them from her - competitive sexuality, discussed getting Julie’s quilt being quilted after Jillian's wedding, posted news cycle

Friday 17th - maybe wrote myth busting?  Can't recall Friday at all :(  Know we were home because I don’t think we went out

Sat 18th - spent time with Maury and his family, Thom flew in and Joe brought him to cousins’ and then Joe’s house for sleepover.  Duyen called about PJs from Viet Nam, and we dealt with computer bug

Sun 19th - searched for the 140 multiples through blogs, cleaned house, Wrote our "about us," changed news URL, Thom came over and stayed overnight - posted news cycle

Mon 20th – woke-up with Thom in house, worked on reading through blogs, Skyped with Jillian, her fiancĂ© and Rich

Tues. 21st - missed Dr. Marvin's because of not having car, talked on phone about medicine and some Google news stories - one from a religious nut, and about Harvard/Amsterdam story of memory turnover from one part to another, wrote blog entry in evening - short, discombobulated, fixed Bravenet updates, read, and then posted news cycle

Wed 22nd - edited and posted Tuesday night blog, Rich's Grandson born

Well, I think this above is about where we are at … We’ve thought and thought for about 40 minutes and this is where we are at as to finding traces of what happened during the week.  We went through our facebook, emails, and blogs to put the pieces together as to how the week went.  I think we’ve got the time today so we’re going to go through and write what little I seem to know of the above to see if that doesn’t joggle our memory a bit.  It is really frustrating to have lost so much time. The worst being Friday, we don't remember Friday in the least. I just have a sense of someone getting extra time for our computer work. We must've heard from Thom somewhere between Wednesday and Friday as to him not coming here till Sunday. I just remember a sense of relief that we had time to do work on the computer.

Okay, then going back to Monday the 13th, we have a note that we sent e-mails to Dr. Marvin and Dr. Woollcott and I seem to have a memory of having written that out here in a blog entry. Basically, we had gotten to the part where we wanted to get records from 1990 through 1997, and then 1999 through 2003. Of all those notes, we got records from some parts of 2001 and all of 2002 and 2003. That's something at least. We did see the note going to Dr. Woollcott in our mailbox and so we sent it out again yesterday. Of course there's no telling for sure what happened to him, but if we don't get word back from him soon, we will ask Dr. Marvin to help us connect with him. I think he knows the secretary that is still in connection with Dr. Woollcott.

I think we might've written part of Tuesday down too, because I seem to remember putting together a five-part list that included the above and talking to Dr. Marvin about Dr. Moline. I am trying to remember now if we wrote the results of that meeting. I believe we did. But basically, Dr. Marvin did know Dr. Moline and there was a hope that Dr. Woollcott had too. For what reason, I’m not sure.  Other parts of Tuesday... Included that we must've written a long entry on Monday, and then Tuesday we posted it. I think we had Dr. Marvin read the blog entry as part of that five-part list. We don't know anything about that though. I am thinking that Dr. Marvin also read the Syntopicon but I don't think we had very much contact back from him about it.  It is just a faint memory of showing it to him and thinking that maybe he would understand the categories. That’s all the remembering about that.

Wednesday is marked as having been out with Rich and that we went to his fishing place. It says that we got mad at him, but I'm not sure why we got mad at him.  I do remember getting the Slurpee just before we got to the club; that made us feel better and there is also a memory that we were reading something in the car on phone or Kindle - maybe we wrote about that too because I think it had there was something about Rich listening to us read and him not liking what he had heard in the blog? I don't know. I have a sense of writing about the bumpy roads. I remember that we could go to his mother's because she was drunk and antagonistic. And, that it had been a good night after we got home. Maybe I wrote about some of this because some of this seems really familiar to me. It is just that we have this vagueness about time and what happened when we don't write things down it is really terrible afterwards.

I think on both Thursday and Friday we had considered doing dusting, but we must've found out somewhere in there about Thom not coming in until Sunday.  Did I just say that? We're feeling so damn spacey. Somewhere in there we talked about the frustration of the situation that had been drawn up about her mother, but I think that something else that we had already written about. We just have the notation because we must've said something to Linda about it in a Facebook message. The competitive part of the sexuality hasn’t really been thought too much about since then, but it seems that there was a standoff as to which direction either my dad or my grandfather were going as to whether they paid attention to my mother, or myself, and that those sexuality type issues were from the birth to  toddler ages. We were really put-out of sorts last night when we had discovered the sexuality site that had been visiting our blog and pushing up the numbers. We have to deal with the curiosity of what all that is about along with the being abhorred by it.

I remember doing a lot of that sexuality stuff about the time we were finishing our active participation at the first Master's program. And I knew there was one after that; we had gotten into watching a lot of pornography on the cable sex channel. It was Rich who helped us get away from that again. I really don't want to go back into it right now it's all a part of the long nightmare.

Somewhere in there we had talked to both Julie and Linda online about the quilt for the Marine event, so we must have been out of our “tight computer” world at that point. I think a lot of time though is between writing and reading the blog entries and then tweaking the two blogs. I just don’t feel it really has so much to do with me.  As to the mythology blog you can read that in our news blog under the same title. We showed that to Dr. Marvin yesterday through e-mail and he liked it a lot. He said that we should make a book out of it. But at that time it had only 49 entries as to different things being stated by the general public about multiplicity and some of its pretty absurd. I don't think that I've gone back to it for the last four or five days. We need to catch up again but it was too much. We started to do it last night thinking we had some time, and we didn't have to concentrate too much, but it turned out to be too much too. But, we had decided to go ahead and link the actual articles with the statements (myths busted) to provide some accountability. We figured out how to put the links in a Word document which wasn't too hard, but we had not had a reason to do it before. We will have to look again at that later when we have more energy for that kind of business.

I think we had trouble leaving the house on Saturday because we were still writing or reading, but we had a really great time at Maury's which is the norm. When we had gotten there they were just back from the park where they saw a dedication service and had a photo op with the town's mayor. That was kind of cool. We spent a little time getting readjusted to their place and activity differences.  We found ourselves back in the kitchen after not too long. Both Nikki and Maury cooked breakfast/brunch and the girls came in and out of the room. There was a lot of talking and it was just a really cool comfortable time. I always feel like we’re getting to know them as a family better.  We got to see all the new bedroom locations.  The food was great and I think we stayed there for about five or six hours. Most likely when we got home we went back to the computer again.  At this point, Rich was still out of town. He still calls once a night when he is gone.  There might've been some worry as to how we were going to get the house picked up, but we put a plan in place so that we would start doing everything we could during one standing period, and then we would sit down and start again, and that if we started soon enough we might get it all done by the time Thom came over.  I don’t know why every time we reboot these series of thoughts it always seems so new to us.

I think in the end Thom came over before we finished cleaning but the majority of it was done. We didn't get to the part where we had picked-up the sewing room, but we did that while he was here. We had a really nice talk with Thom especially about his plans for the future. Both he and Maury and Nikki talked a little bit about what was going on with our life and the Internet blogs and all that goes with that. We did an abhorrent job, but worked with the Nikki and Maury on them starting their own blog for their family.  We had mentioned earlier that Thom's wife had called from Vietnam and she was looking for measurements to make some pajamas. She explained that they got their clothing from either street vendors (but their clothing was very poor quality), or they got their clothing from tailors, and that is what she was planning to do as far as making some pajamas for us. I was really very happy, but I didn't want her to feel that she had to do something this huge for us. When we told Thom he said “Yep, she's like that.”

I think we talked with Thom for solid block of two or three hours, and then he said he was hungry so we ordered Chinese. Afterward, he listened to TV and during the breaks there was chatter and laughter. In between the breaks, he was watching TV and skipping from channel to channel and we were working on the computer-reading blogs. It was just a very pleasant time. And then Rich got home. I think we talked about this part.  It must've been written about yesterday too, because we remember saying 10:10 PM.

You might know then that Rich left about 8 AM on Monday and Thom left about 10:30 AM on Monday and most likely we went back to doing things online. We had gone through a long section on blog surfing to find other multiples who were currently writing. I think that started because when we had changed the blog address to condense it down to just newsdidmpd.blogspot.com by taking out the “Google search” part, but we lost information. Our whole blog list or blog roll had disappeared which would have been a disaster, but we had the original copy over at the other blog. That is the one we updated, and then after that we of course, updated the newer blog.

Sometime yesterday, I think we decided while we were taking a shower that what we could do  would be to make a couple more lists just for the people who we would like to read but have high security as to copying things like we do with the annotated news entries, and we would also start another list for bloggers who are multiples, but weren't currently blogging. That would give us a better feel on where everybody was that is publically out there in case they had decided they wanted to be included in the news, or if they came back to blogging. It seems that having these contacts was just too valuable to lose, and what we are getting was a sense of not remembering what we had decided to do when not putting them someplace concrete, or in not attaching them to our account as having been seen without going through as much effort so we wouldn’t have to reboot from start the second or third time.

We must have read through the blog roll a couple times because it listed that we posted on the 19th and the 21st news entries. Today is the 22nd, so I think we’re going to have a break to do some more writing and I think there's something else who wanted to do but I'm not sure. I don't think it was that we were going to do the mythology part yet, but there was something. Maybe we'll think about it in a little bit. Part of the writing we want to get back to is looking at the Syntopicon again because we have incorporated a lot more notes into the work and haven't thought through that process very much. I think there was a note left by somebody that it was going to be too big a project, but then I don't know if we can afford to let it go yet. There will most likely be more discussion on it. If we aren’t going to do that exactly, we have to do something similar because we still need some way to condense all the news we are pulling together in the aggregation effort to be making more sense from it.

There is a note here to me. We looked at again the twitter account, both last night and this morning and we started getting more ideas from it, so had to disconnect from it. I think we were getting overwhelmed with the amount of news and the speed of the news coming in. And, we had decided to work more on getting the blog rolls read and noted more than getting information from the social network or e-learning sites through Twitter. Without those though, we are not taking things in perspective, at least a very good perspective – we just lose too much as to our broader purpose. That is if anybody could really define what our broader purpose is.

The conversation yesterday with Dr. Marvin was only 15 min. long, and it included how to get the medicine without him. We need to go an hour early on Thursday, tomorrow, with Rich and we will stop by to pick-up the prescription from the secretary and then we will walk next store with up to an hour to wait before it affects our appointment.  We would at that point just leave and come back later.  I think I wrote this before too because this sounds familiar again. I think that it clears up a lot of time for today though.

Oh one more thing about Dr. Marvin.  We did talk to him about a couple of the people we had just finished reading from the Google search. There was one that was really nutty as far as God’s and Jesus' role in multiples’ life.  Basically the author with stating that you get duplicity or doubling of personalities when one step away from religion and the only way to bring those personalities back together (God personalities and BAD personalities) was through blah-blah religion.

And then, the other part was a study done by somebody from Harvard and Amsterdam.  They had basically said that the separate parts could be tested by the milliseconds it took to recognize the answer; distinguishing whether or not the parts had separate or joint memory.  The bad part of that study was that it had swung pretty wide as to its idea of “new News” and they made broad generalizations over the interpretation of their results to mean there is no such thing a multiplicity as defined by DSM-IV and that multiplicity shouldn’t be in the psychiatric diagnostic book, DSM-V, which is a serious set of allegations from this one little test. They were definitely overreaching. And, because this was a big news item it seemed that they were looking more for their 15 min. of fame rather than consider the whole of multiplicity. Nonetheless, it was a very frustrating situation in our brain at the time we happened to be talking to Dr. Marvin. He was able to do some calming of us down and explaining what he had heard; we would've calmed down when switching to a new topic, but it is a marker of where we were at the moment.

What it tells us is that we have to be careful with the “news” articles we are reading from the Google searches. I'm sure Dr. Marvin is wondering where we are at with the whole project because he knows it is a major thing in our life right now and he's going to want to make sure that we achieve some balance.

Speaking of … Rich did say something about us having to do a white load of clothes today because he was out of T-shirts, and we shouldn't be so far behind in our housework with Thom in the area because we never know when he could come back in this direction. Mostly, it's a matter of turning on the dishwasher, vacuuming, and bringing a load of clothes down, but you are very familiar with how much trouble we have with these kinds of things and we forget to be careful. Somebody talked to Rich about being his domestic goddess though and so I know that somebody has intent to do this work. I don't mean to slow them down, but it is time for us to actually get some time into the writing too which we've been remiss with. The benefit we have is that Rich is now not due back until about 8 PM tonight.

I'm thinking his schedule was like - take care of several meetings, and then he was going to see his new grandson about 1 PM or so, and then I think he was going to see his mother, and then there was a big meeting for football. It was all out west, so it wasn’t a good time for him to stop by the house to see us in-between things.

This morning he was working on his daughter's wedding and making arrangements to go to a hotel he showed us, because the wedding is coming up in just less than a month now. It's been a big deal that Rich’s mother is to be going also and now because the grandson was born early this morning and not on the wedding date, there will be questions about his ex-wife going and whether his daughter's two brothers were going to be going too. Obviously, there would be questions about transportation, costs, schedules, and if we were all going to get along. We say this tongue-in-cheek because again we've never been connected directly with one of the sons and his ex-wife. That's about all I want to say about that. This morning Rich was putting too much information out there, and we had to stop and make sure we get our medicine and then asked for half an hour for it to set-in before we had to talk about his details about the relationship problems he was going to need facing.  We needed to calm ourselves down from high levels of anxiety.

I am glad for the fact that Jillian’s mother will now have a better opportunity to go to the wedding for her daughter, but I understand that they are again fighting – she and her daughter, but there's really no excuse now that the baby was born a month sooner. Originally, it was the excuse she was going to use to stay here instead of go to New Mexico. Of course that makes life difficult all around, but that's the nature of the beast, it is just going to be awkward.

That's about as much as I want to talk about that. I’m warning you … I've got so many other things to be thinking about right now.  That particular one isn’t overly productive.

I do want to say that Jillian asked if we could open a Skype account for her Dad and we did do that.  All seemed to go fine. We got a chance to be in the same virtual room with her and her fiancĂ©, and then with me and Rich. Chris seems to be a real nice person and he sure seems to make Jillian smile a lot. It felt a little bit silly at first having that much contact with Jillian over the computer because she was so animated, but it was a natural evolution of things, and probably could've been done 10 years ago. That was the point that Jillian was making, but there is nothing to do there except for us to move on and just to know it is in our real life now.

We should be doing more of that with Thom and Duyen too, but the part that needs to be emphasized with this is that we don't get overly enmeshed with our kids’ lives. They need a lot of privacy to do whatever they are going to do with their own lives. I just don't want to cross boundaries where what we think is more important than what goes on between them, or that they owe us information or options to be giving perceptions they don’t need.

There is a little bit more mystery as to the relationships in Rich’s family and that Rich’s mother and her sister have ignored direct contact with each other for about 20 years, and they are both going to be at the wedding.  Rich and Jillian haven't decided to tell either one of them that the other is going to be there. I see this as coming out to be a big headache. It would be just easier for everybody if they were communicated to so the process could take its time in sorting itself out. It is like here is what's happening; now you get this much time to deal with it. It is much like a situation between Rich is ex and us speaking about Rich and me.  Basically, it is just get over it. This was something that happened five years ago and you act as if it just happened last night 0 most likely because it’s been just simmering for all these years.  We did tease Rich about needing to have a bullet-protected vest. I can't say that I trust her probably any more than she trust us.  Rich is pretty sure she’s not going to do that kind of damage. 

Aha!  We just had some peanut butter bread. That felt good. It is now 11:37 PM and it made a good lunch.

Hmm, and then another hour added to that.  It is now 12:30 pm.  Rich called for a small favor, and we finished popcorn with lunch, and we’ve done the first walk through of editing this note.  We’re at about the end of the 6th page mark.  I’m thinking though we’re going to take a break and do the vacuuming and dishes and then we’ll take our shower, and then after we get dressed we’ll see if the laundry is free.  That will put us in pretty good shape – WITH of course writing in-between.  Sounds like a plan, right?  BRB.

Ok, good-good … got dishes and vacuuming done … now we have to wait a few moments for our back to gain some relaxation.  It was about 10-12 minutes of being up.  We’re working on it. 

But, then again … wouldn’t a nice shower feel fine?  Ok, maybe we can hobble that far hold-on again J

Ok, another good-good.  It is now 12:52 PM.  Hmm, like a regular wind-up clock we are.  Everything is done now except getting formally dressed so we can take the laundry down.  We’ve got the white load pulled together, but it seems to be a major thing finding something comfortable to wear, but might still be ok if Thom dropped by.  I really did think he had something planned for today but no sense taking chances, hmm?

Shoot, shoot … I just remembered something.  I went to listen at the door and had a hard time through the sounds of lawn maintenance outside hearing whether or not the machines were going on the first floor, but then we remembered that we’d given Thom our keys so we aren’t able to get into the laundry closet downstairs for detergent.  I’m thinking then that we’ll have to wait until someone comes home tonight – either Rich or Thom, but thinking probably it won’t be until Rich gets home at 8 PM or after.  I just checked and he has one T-shirt left, so chances are we’re going to need wait until tomorrow morning.  I’m just not a real-up person in the evening.  Not much to do about all that then.  BUT, at least everything else got done.  The worst part now is if Thom caught us in PJs during the afternoon.  I think he can handle it though I might get another lecture.

Wow!!!  1 PM and my afternoon just freed up!  It never takes as long to pick-up as one thinks prior to doing it.  That’s got to be about the most amazing thing. 

Somehow or another we got Chief over here, and he decided that he wanted to take a little siesta with us, but it isn't time. I think the best time for him with us is after dinner, but that is several hours away. I think he is a little upset because I straightened the pillows on the couch and folded- up the extra blanket that was out where he had been lying.

Pretty much then I think that you've gotten most the details we are going to be able to wrangle up from this last week. You've already heard our levels of frustration, and I probably shouldn't go into that much further because I will just give the frustration to you. It's just that when you get behind, you try to hold onto those memories, and that is just about when things really scatter in the wind.

He thinks he is coming up here, but he's not. It's been a long time since we allowed kitties to sit on her lap while we were typing. Or, talking to Dragon – I think he is giving up now – Maybe not? He's now standing on top of the drafting table in back of me still giving us that yearning look and sound. It's not that I mean to be rude to my kitty; it's just that we're doing something different right now. I know poor cat.  When are we ever doing anything much different than being on the computer?

Maybe if we call Thom, maybe we get a heads-up on where he's at, and what he is doing.  That would be a good idea, wouldn't it?

Okay, we did that. We talked to his answering machine and maybe in the next day or two; he'll get back to us. Thom is like one of those guys that call you when it's time for him to call us rather than when you want to talk to him. He's working on his own schedule and I know that he's busy trying to get everything in. He's got a lot of people to see and be around. I certainly don't want to take up all his time. Just in case though some time DOES free-up, we will want to be ready.

About now Rich was planning to be at his daughter-in-law's hospital to see the baby. It must be something to see Rich for the first time seeing the baby. I know he was worried about getting the stroller he promised them out to them, and then the errand he had been running was to check on a vegan restaurant that Christy who wanted him to pick up lunch. I think the stroller they had been talking about had a car seat, but he also thought that somebody else had bought another car seat. Maybe they are planning one for each of their cars. The most important thing there is that they have something ready to take the baby home, because they don't usually let mothers and babies stay-in hospitals too long anymore.

This is what my horoscope says today. You may find it hard to focus today, something is on your mind, and you keep wondering to faraway thoughts. But you will have to stop daydreaming if you want to get anything done – and there is quite a lot for you to do right now. As a dreamy water sign your thoughts are quite fluid and tend to flow toward the lowest point – just like water does. So whatever the most pressing problem is, that's where your thoughts will go. But you need to address your more immediate obligations first, even though they don't seem as important. Once you do, all your other stuff will be taking care of itself.

I read this just before I did all that sudden scurrying around of work. I was pretty sure the domestic goddess stuff is what they want me to get done and since that is in place. I just have nothing to do except for whatever my mind is going towards on the computer. I am going to have to pull my memory together to see if there's something in specific we have to get done. My idea is that I just want to write. I don’t have anything specific in mind – but when I’m done writing, we might have to look again at the Syntopicon. We might as well pull that up now.

Before we jump into this, is there anything else that anybody wants to talk about at this time?  Speak-up or forever hold your peace.

We forgot about that. We hadn't written to Jeff yet. We are trying to take at least once a day where we can write back. He's the one that has been writing in our news blog in the forum. We’re really pleased that he's taken time for us. This last time of writing was more like figuring out his system a little bit, and then talking about our system. I'm going to guess that's a lot of the relationship that we will have together.  At least the beginning part; we are just trying to figure each other out. I think he is much more used to other people having parts than I am to being around multiples. The way he wrote it seems like he makes trips around certain blogs too, but we asked him this time what other kinds of things does he do when he's not on the computer? Lord knows we spend enough time on the computer.

It feels good to get a few things done, and I would guess that it would feel better to get other things taken care of, but I'm not really even sure what it is that we do with our days. I know that Kelsey spends a lot of time out especially with the improvements to the sites, but then again Jesse and Ayn, seem to be doing an awful lot with the visiting of other blogs. From what I can tell I still do the majority of the writing of the blog entries for our personal account, but Kelsey seems to be doing a few too. Those are the kind that I have to read over and over again to try to understand. It's much easier to “read me” I think, although I'm probably not as sure as Kelsey so maybe it is harder in that respect.

Right now it feels like it's been a long time since I've been out, and maybe that affects the system? I know writing in our personal blog has been a priority for quite a while though we were on hiatus with it for quite some time.  I don't think there was much writing done in May and June. I think there was a big spurt in February, March, and maybe some in April. I don't really remember those months so well right now. I think most of our writing is now in separate blogs and then those blogs are compiled in our personal AMWP blog.

I'd like to figure out for a few minutes what it is exactly that we do with our life. I'm sure somebody else has this figured out, right? I think I am much better at looking back to the past like what we did last week or couple days ago, then that I am at being a future planner. I think of that as something that the older parts do. I think I'm going to shut the message forum now, because it seems like a lot of energy to keep those thoughts open. I haven't really done too much today at looking at the two blogs. They kind of confused me. I think somebody that we read yesterday said they confuse them too, but the part that was listening at the time up front did not understand at all how they could be confusing, and so they just bypassed it.

I think there must be a secret to actually reading the news blog.  For example, right now on our screen I have the forum closed so you can just see the topics, and I am looking at the first one. We are looking at the date that goes from August 20-21st.  The first one says it's from “the life you save may be your own,” which is a word press blog and the statement says, "I've been trying to keep politics off my blog. I guess I'm afraid I'd lose readers, people wouldn't like me anymore, they'd say mean things, and I'd be all alone again." I have to think really hard to figure out what that is supposed to mean to us personally. I think this is from that person who'll have been able to shake the president's hand. President Obama - I mean. Maybe somebody gave her a little bit of guilty feelings for talking about something political? I hope not. She seemed to be a nice person and I'd hate to see her having problems.

Okay, that didn't seem too bad.  I'm trying to think now what do I really feel about that, like what was that supposed to do for me in reading the comment? The first thought I have is that it is a news annotation. I think we have to do more about somehow getting peoples’ names because I want more of a personal connect. I like to think of people more as people not strange “handles.” I'm going to click on her blue link and see if I can find anything. Okay, there really isn't much of a clue.  It doesn't seem like she's answering her comments. Okay, I did find her answering comments, but it's some weird order that doesn't really say anything she spells her name “weordmyndum” it looks a little bit like weird and dumb. That would be a pretty lousy name. I'm guessing, or hoping I’m wrong on that.

Well, I guess that won’t be much help to us. How do we know what to call somebody that may or may not give us some kind of clue, but also has multiple parts so could be one of many. She only seems to have been writing for the last eight months, so maybe she hasn't built the necessary confidence to share her name or “a common name” more directly. She doesn't have a place listed for things about herself. She's got recent posts, archives, uncategorized category, and then a section for metadata. Okay, I'm going back to our own blog because it seems something much more familiar to me, although, I'm sure it's not as familiar to me as it is to Kelsey. I don't mean to always be comparing myself badly to Kelsey.  I know she's smarter than I am. I know the stuff means a lot more to her than me, but I'm appreciating that I have time out now to try to figure some stuff out. Maybe, if I go onto the next one?

This next one is from “my selfish post - stopped the storm.” Let's see if she has a name? It seems like her name is “alchemy now.” I don't know what alchemy is except for it sounds like old medicines or pharmacy practice. I wouldn't be able to say I understood that name either.

The first section says, "it may seem strange for me to say at this point in my life, I would not look back and bemoan any of the abuse of my childhood if – if it had not harmed me into my development in such a way that I am a different person in a different body than I would be if that abuse had never happened to me." The next sentence reads, "there was a time, a very long period of my life, actually, when I was completely oblivious to the truth that I had experienced abuse in the first place." Let me read another. "And yet I sit outside this morning writing this in my thriving garden still asking myself two questions: Linda who are you? What do you want?" I remember this lady now this is the one that had all the roaches in her closet.  She worked really diligently to get rid of them.

There's just two more parts left. I really like this lady she writes, "I am really addressing those concerns as I approach the brink of change that I anticipate as another life – changing is difficult time for me." Here she is talking about that her steady boyfriend of many years who is dying and she will be most likely be left to live her own life without such a close friend. It didn't seem like she had a lot of exterior friends though she said she got along with people, I believe. She concludes, "I am not what I do. I am not where I am. I am not who I love. I am not what happen to me. I am not even what I know. I am not what I don't know." Wow that is a tough sentence.

Well I don't think this is my thing. I feel like I'm about ready to jump ship. I know that Kelsey is getting Jesse and Ayn’s help, most likely Kate’s too, but I just don't get it. That is a lot of thoughts for me to comprehend. It’s some really hard stuff.  I don't know why it's my job to have to figure this out if everybody else can already do it. Okay I'm hearing you on the patience part, but I'm not feeling it. I'm feeling a little cranky.

Hi KC. Now the dumb cat is complaining again too. Maybe she knows I need somebody to pet?

Yes dear … he is all yours.

4,168/292

No comments:

Post a Comment