Wednesday, September 26, 2012 @ 11:01 am (end)
Good morning.
This is me. We’re
almost at schedule this morning for our “New Deal.” We woke up about 4:30 – and it’s about 9:10
am now. So about 4 ½ hours into first
organizing the day and then we put 1 ½ hour into social media, and then we put
1 ½ hours into Domestic Goddess and now we’ve got 1 ½ hours to be
blogging. We won’t go into all the
intricate details of the week. Basically
the general order is:
4:30 – 6 am Organization
6 - 7:30 am Social
media
7:30 – 9 am Domestic
Goddess
9 – 10:30 am Blogging/Director
of PPA Social Media
10:30 -11:30 am Editing/Studying Entry
11:30 - 12:30 pm Miscellaneous (relax)
12:30 – 4:30 pm News DID/MPD Reading/Blogging
11:30 - 12:30 pm Miscellaneous (relax)
12:30 – 4:30 pm News DID/MPD Reading/Blogging
4:30 – 6 pm Miscellaneous
(relax)
6 – 7:30 pm Academic
– primarily reading/notes or studying Adobe for making courses on multiplicity
7:30 – 9 pm Quilting
9 – 10:30 pm Rich
10:30 – 4:30 am Sleeping
And then there is a short task associated with all those
categories. In Total the categories are:
Academic
Blogging
Director of PPA Social Media
Domestic Goddess
Dr. Marvin
Miscellaneous
NEWS Reading/Writing
Organization
Quilting
Rich
Social Media
I’m sure other will be added and we’ll learn to adjust the
time, but for the present … most of the majors are in. We are also using something called the task
timer, so that … here, refer to picture up above!
It is like a stopwatch that reminds you when it is time to
move on to something else and it also lets you know by the pie graph your
percentage of time spent on which tasks.
It’s a pretty simple devise. We
might check to see if it loads on the … nope … don’t see an app for loading it
on the Android OR iPhone yet. It will
take some time and I’m sure there are others on it. We’ll see.
I think we’re going to test it in a minute by putting it on pause while
we finish bringing up the load of clothes from downstairs. So far as the domestic stuff goes - we picked
up in the kitchen, filled the dishwasher and washed surfaces, then we of course
did the load of clothes and then picked up the living room and vacuumed, plus
washed the tables, and then we picked up in the bedroom, and emptied the
suitcase that still had stuff in it from the trip to NM. That’s pretty good for us by 9 am, right?
Good-good. We’re
back. It’s now 9:51 am and the clothes
are all put away – either in drawers or closet, or in the stack to be
steamed. I forgot to add we did the
litter box AND took down and out the garbage.
We then earned 5 minutes of Rich time WOOHOO!!!! That was a good deal. He’s giving me trouble on putting away the
suitcase, but to be fair he is now in the shower so is progressing his day too.
I really like that we are both in the house doing our own work. It wasn’t too bad doing housework while he
was here.
Yesterday, with Dr. Marvin, we went into almost a FULL hour
on housework. It was terrible. I think he gave us a few moments to just
mention the girls and quilting, and he got in a few moments at the end with
talking about the bill, but not much … pretty much it was a segue to leaving
the office. I think we started off
something like … we had during Tuesday done Domestic Goddess things such as we
steamed 9 clothes and we went through all the business and personal paperwork
and sorted it to accordion files, which cleaned up the areas on top of the
horizontal file and drafting table, along with having gone through papers in
both file drawers that hadn’t been filed yet.
I think we’d done some pre-sorting, but for the most part it was work
since the beginning of the year. It
really had to get done and now we have to spend time going back through it and
looking for current bills.
But, after that we started to talk to Dr. Marvin about the
complications of having done what we did.
It seemed there was a big deal of anger in that we didn’t want to do the
work while Rich was around, and we didn’t want him telling us what to do,
though acknowledging that if he wasn’t there pushing us … we might not be
getting the work done. As we went along
… it seemed to get darker and darker.
Dr. Marvin told us afterward that we’d been mad first at Rich, and then
Dr. Marvin, but for the majority of the time, we were really mad at our father.
We have to figure it was Annemarie that was out because she
was moody and quiet, but as well, Gracie was out in that we got to one position
of having our arms held over our head and then we froze there for a long
time. We couldn’t let Dr. Marvin in, but
we were in a space where we were trying to hold off our father’s touching us by
the internal anger expressed to him without words – just facial which was
turned away from him. There were other
things getting to that point in that we’d gone through a quick jump of time from
when we were cleaning the rooms (dining room, kitchen twice weekly, and
stairway), but at the time we were frozen we were going through the time period
where my father had taken over the cleaning and woke us up on Saturday mornings
to join him and my siblings. This is
something that felt very invasive of our privacy. For a while we remember being under the
dining room table just to be there and then at another time being under there
to clean. I remember now saying
something to Dr. Marvin about not understanding why we had to dust the legs of
the table every week. I don’t remember
where we went with that statement though everything seemed to be making us
mad. It was a terrible space.
I think what made it so terrible is going over and over a
part that was fuzzy, but was about him touching us and us having to be very
still. I’m not sure at this point, but
I’m thinking that the initial requirement to be still came from him, and then
held by us through our anger. We were
also having trouble with not only laying on our back with arms held up, but
flashbacks of being spanked bare naked and also situations where someone was
using an anal thermometer. Things were
coming in and out of each other … so one scene would progress and there we
would get stuck or someone would add another element, but in general it was a
period of discovery. I think Dr. Marvin
might have tried to talk with us, but whoever was out was not going to talk
with him. I think in the system we
wanted to figure out as much as that sense of mood was going to take us.
I think toward the end somehow we got to a more worrisome
part (Casey) who was worried most likely about how to contain the things that
had been going on. I don’t think she has
a direct link, but that she was a portal for some of what had been
happening. I remember something about
Dr. Marvin saying that we were safe in his office and that that would be a
place we could talk about the stuff going on.
I don’t really know what his real words were and it really seemed as if
he was on an outer border of what was happening.
Now we are thinking slowly into a part where we can
acknowledge that something like this had been happening with Dr. Marvin before
the big trip. I think it had something
to do with our father, not sure about the mother part. Not sure what had gone on with the father
part AND Dr. Marvin before, but we might ask if the two parts seemed
connected. We just have a sense that my
father has been a big deal of late.
We really didn’t think much of him over the time we were
gone. Very little time went into
anything of our past though I’m sure there were feelings that long night of the
wedding when we were just sitting back in a daze watching over the events -
just trying to keep our foot in the door.
We had a hard time getting out of the funky space we were in
leaving Dr. Marvin’s office. The drive
home was slow and methodical. We paid
attention to the traffic, and about the point of being on the expressway at
Kedzie we thought to call Rich. I don’t
remember why. Oh yeah we were wondering
if he had gone to his son’s or not. It
had been an option. I guess he did see
Jon, but did not see Christopher or the baby.
We didn’t hear much back from that except Jon had looked into getting an
email for Rich’s business account. As an
aside, we did talk to Rich a little about business this morning. We went through Linked-in to show him what
needed to be done next. We told him
about sections that could be filled-in and the we walked him through adding his
344 some friends who did have LinkedIn (from his AOL account) and then we
showed him the list of friends who could get an email from LinkedIn suggesting
that they sign-up. We showed him where
to put his skills and accomplishments and his Summary area where we could add a
blurb about his business. Rich is going
to need going through his email list and sort through some people. It’s a good first step.
We also told Rich that we’d worked him into the schedule so
that for 6 hours a week (to start), we would be taking care of his social needs
as Director of his Social Media campaign.
I figured that on Sunday, Wednesdays, and Friday’s we could blog, and
then on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday we could work for him – and all
of this would be in the time slot of 9 – 10:30 am. It might not seem like a lot, but it seems
like a lot to me. He seems to have a
grasp on what we’re offering him and he doesn’t have any complaints so far. Just that we have to balance things out with
the largest balance of time going into the NEWS DID/MPD project. That is our main thing and it seems most of
the other stuff is healthy maintenance.
Today, we are pretty close to the set-up schedule, but about
a half hour off with the blogging because we stopped to take care of the
clothes out of the dryer and then we stopped when Rich brought-up the mail to
take care of mailing our medical bills to Medicaid. We gave Rich yesterday the signed lease for
the apartment, and then today we gave him a sealed envelope for Medicaid. I think they are going to send us a letter
saying how much we need to pay UIC, and that will be ok. I don’t think anything really happened in
August. I forget the last time we
received a Medicaid card. I think
someone from their office sent something saying if we wanted the card we had to
ask specifically for it. I think they
are cutting down their time and mailing cost, but it makes things more
difficult for the user.
Ok, maybe had a little side-trip there, but going back to
Dr. Marvin’s … after we left, we had called Rich as we just stated, but he said
dinner wouldn’t be ready for another 20 minutes, so we stopped by at the 7-11
and bought a candy bar which we ate on the way home. After we got upstairs we may have talked to
Rich for a few moments, but mostly we got ourselves comfortable. Then we had salad left over from the weekend
with the girls, and then Rich gave us polish sausage, au gratin potatoes, and
soft French bread for dinner. I think
about the time that Rich was finishing – we had already finished – the subject
of therapy had come-up. The system only
said that it was a hard time and that we were talking about housekeeping and
that we had been very angry. We sorted
out then that he had been a trigger, but not the one we were really angry
with. Rich was in a dismissive mood, so
we refused to go further with him. We
explained that anything we said he would dismiss as something in the past and
so not relevant. He has a big breach of
understanding in this regard, and we felt very frustrated that he refused to
better understand so we could actually talk to him about what was
happening. His idea after dinner was
that he would watch TV and that we use the computer, and then in about an hour
or so, we would watch the season opener to NCIS. BUT, we weren’t there in our head. We were still feeling somewhat sick from the
session and the room was way too noisy or distracting. We were also too distracted to focus on
computer work. So we went into the
bedroom and just laid down in the dark.
Rich came in at some point, or two to try to get us out of the room, but
the system was having nothing to do with taking care of him. We needed to take care of ourselves in a
parts way which meant settling parts within the system down. We might have dozed for about ten minutes,
but most of the time seemed to be spent hyper-alert. We were very aware that Chief had come-up to
lie next to us, so it didn’t feel like we were by ourselves, but it did feel
like the environment where we were younger and were inside our bedroom while the
family was downstairs watching a very noisy TV.
Rich’s show had been having serious melodramatic moments where there
were heavy duty bomb or gunfire scenes.
It left us feeling a bit overwhelmed.
After a while – probably about 8 pm, we came out and got our
medicine and then we laid down for another half hour of not being able to
sleep. Eventually, we came out and
watched the NCIS show with Rich with us laying in his lap, but what else
happened not sure. Wait … I think we
talked to Linda after for a few moments, but not many … she wanted to go to
sleep and we were minutes into following her though to opposite bedrooms. And, that was pretty much of our night.
I do remember thinking that we’d been in somewhat this kind
of space before, maybe more of Dr. Woollcott’s time where we had to be very
conscious of holding things together or normalizing until the next
appointment. Things feel a little
raw. Dr. Marvin started something that
seemed newer where he wasn’t going to give us any breaks – or if so, not many
and far in-between. I think that means
mostly to us that when we try to back out of a direction that is happening, he
is holding us to that … and if we’re having faulty logic like exaggerating the
importance of something then he is going to nail us with more reality than we
might have wanted.
It feels like we were then brought through the wringer. I’m thinking that Dr. Marvin does this all
the time? Maybe he’s just getting more
direct. I don’t know … it’s a little
fear producing. Maybe a lot more, but
the bottom line is that we do trust him.
Just not sure what’s going to happen next. It seems that a lot of time is being spent in
a regressed state. The parts are more locked
into the past. And, it seems that a lot
of it is being done through feelings. So
when Dr. Marvin pushes us we’re getting stuck with the dreadful feelings from
our past and then we live through it again.
I’m not sure what kind of time this is going to take. If we cover all the years pressed together of
negative feelings we were having … it could be a long time. I’m not thinking Dr. Marvin is giving us too
much a break – though more the sessions right before and after the big vacation
were an allowance of light time.
But, by now our timer has gone off and it is time to get
started on something else. Thanks for
your patience with us.
5200/636
5200/636
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