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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Yup, yup ... we're ready to model!




  
Wednesday, September 5, 2012 at 1:56 PM

Okay, this is pretty exciting news, but I wanted to say that we are very happy that when we checked today the Google search for “news dissociative identity disorder,” we were the first link on the board! The secondary link was on the second page. This is a really big deal to me. It was something I was looking for that would be an indicator that our news site was being recognized online. The simplicity of those keywords, “dissociative identity disorder news” is that it is something simple that anybody looking for generic information might add in their Google search, which would then drive them to our site. For most bloggers the idea of people coming to your site is the idea that the more people, the more strength your organization has. At least that's how we look at it. On the other side of that coin, is to be developing ourselves at all times so that we are offering a product that people are interested in - if they find our site(s). 

Good, we just got off the phone with a representative from “Sum Total” named Chad. We had sent-out requests for information to several LMS organizations requesting information on their services and the cost of their services. We might've stated this before, but basically, if we have a program that can build courses such as Adobe e-learning suite, then we have to find a place to base our course from.  Adobe turned out to be too expensive. We are again explaining that if we have a course or classroom; then we need to have a school for our classroom. LMS again stands for learning management system and it allows people who are offering courses whether internal for business purposes or external towards others on the Internet not only provide a service to host their site, but other nice things like the ability to track and score metrics.

I started at the top of the list and from what I have read so far I am way out of my league as far as getting a service that would be cost efficient to us. I don't want to sell our courses; I want them to be more like open-online courseware. That seems to be the first thing these last couple businesses that have called back today asked, "Are we selling our services?" Both times we answered no; we would really like to offer a service for free. This last person, Chad, had only been in the business for a couple of months and so he had to talk to an account executive because he had not heard of anybody such as us doing what we wanted to do. We were happy that he asked as many questions as he had in trying to understand our situation and of course it helps to be very honest because if they really don't have a system small enough to handle our kind of business, then we don't need to be talking to them. Best to find that out right away, so we can move on.  We might end up back with Moodle.

I'm feeling like today, I have to get my move on too – because we are running pretty close to deadline as to leaving for New Mexico in a couple of days. I really don't want to get started on that project because I haven't spent a lot of time doing what I want to do on the computer yet, but I'm aware of those looming facts. I should probably make myself a checklist of things to do.  Knowing me, it would take me longer to make the list and track it than doing the actual projects.

What has had us so preoccupied this morning has been again revising the “About Us” section on our main blog, who would have guessed that it could take so long. There must've been something else we were doing although we don't recall it at this point. Oh, I know - one thing we spent an hour talking to Linda and we spent some time on Facebook talking to others about the gifts that our daughter-in-law Duyen had gotten for us from Vietnam. That package came in the mail last night by the time we got home from Dr. Marvin's. We were pretty excited coming up the stairs because on the drive home Rich had told us we had something waiting for us. It was pretty unbelievable.  We opened the box and we found four different items. They were pajamas and I thought first that maybe some would be for Rich, but the closer we looked at it – it does appear that they are all for me - which is a lot. I think our daughter-in-law went way overboard, but her heart and sincerity are very moving.

We put on one of the pajamas last night - the one with the leopard skin. I've never had anything like this in my life, but then here it is and it fits wonderfully and is sooo comfortable and silky. This morning we woke up with our new outfit and Rich hadn't seen it yet. We got rave reviews. And then, he took some pictures for us and we included a couple of those in Facebook this morning. We haven't heard from Duyen yet, but I want to make sure that she understands how much we appreciate her gifts. Not only did the pajamas come from Vietnam, but she had them made by her family's tailor.  I had nothing ever made for me like that. My grandmother used to make pajamas - that was family. It seems like a pretty big deal!

Yesterday, we felt a little strange driving to Dr. Marvin's. It seems like it had been a long time since we had been there again and when we actually walked into Dr. Marvin's office it was Anniemi who sat down to talk. We are familiar with her being intrepid. I think there were other conversations as well, but the one I remember the best was her talking about going shopping with Rich on Monday. It was an interesting day for shopping. We went to two stores. The first store was the Verizon and the second one was Catherine's. It seems that Dr. Marvin was ready for a long conversation on shopping and he reminded us that we had had a conversation about it the week before, but during the times we were writing, we couldn't remember anything about the sessions before. When he mentioned shopping, he also mentioned laundry, and I guess we were having trouble with both.

I think that all has to do with our past. Basically, my mother really set definite limitations on our brain’s ability to handle either of those situations. We had started washing clothes at the age of seven when we became a Brownie/Girl Scout, and we were given the responsibilities to be doing laundry loads from a huge stack of the family's clothes steeped in a pile on the damp basement floor. We worried about bugs like crickets.  For a while, we had to do laundry over at the Laundromat about a block and a half away. It seems that it's an overriding theme nowadays, but it was just another one of those situations that have gotten overwhelming for us. As for the clothes purchasing situation - we had never gone shopping with our mother. She worked at Target and so she would pick-up things during or after her workday and there was never a question of what did we want, or what might look cute on a child. As we grew older, she would get whatever she got for herself except for the smaller version and possibly it was in different colors. It was a terrible way to shop for clothes and for our entire childhood, we felt embarrassed about her clothing choices.

Both situations were really examples of lousy parenting, especially for a girl child because it wore on our sense of self-esteem and value in our self not to feel good about ourselves, or attractive. The first time we started writing poetry as an adult we discussed servicing the adults and in both these functions, we were servicing my mother's narcissistic needs. She didn't want to deal with us and she didn't want to deal with laundry, or shopping, so she manipulated those situations to be to her benefit and not to ours. There was no discussing anything with our mother. We were silenced very early on. We were taught very blatantly that children were to be seen and not heard.

But then again there is Rich. And Rich is a true gem. He has been assisting us this week getting past both of these complications. He has gone through it with us many times before. When I get too overwhelmed with laundry, then he steps in to help, and then I try to get back on board, and he makes himself available to go clothes shopping with us so we can handle that situation as well. This week it took us a little effort to get out the door with him. Rich made it clear that we needed to buy a few things for the trip and there was no other time to do it except Monday, and dammit it was going to be done.  Blah!  I hate it when he does that although if he didn't, I don't know if we would ever leave the house. Rich might have realized he had overdone the day’s events. So he canceled the picnic event for Bob and going to his mother's house. This made a lot of difference. We had a little bit more time to not be raced out the door, or to feel the familiar panic.

We stopped at Verizon first. We had talked before going in although he hadn't really given us much time. He had come in saying the day before he had stopped at Verizon and he had picked out a phone for me and he had found out that it would be cheaper by about $100 a month to get the phone and be on the same service than to maintain two separate services from two different companies as was the case. I felt strapped for time because there was only about 15 min. during the morning to compare a couple of phones. We had slept on it overnight and realized that if he was serious about changing the phones, then we might be able to also change phones to the iPhone. That had been a dream once long time ago, but we didn't have access to the phone because we didn't have AT&T, or we're under some constraint from being under a contract at the wrong time. At this point, Verizon was selling iPhones and we had just finished our two-year stint with Sprint, so we were allowed to go without being penalized. It was just that Rich didn't want to talk about it.  He didn't want to think about it. In his way of looking at it, all phones are the same, and since they just do the same things, then there was no problem getting the cheapest phone. But, we're too much of a techie to go down that simply.

We had been out of the phone market for a long time. It seems like just yesterday we got the EVO phone which we had really liked all along. In doing some research, we found a coupon from the company that would allow us to get the new phone that Rich was suggesting at only $80. He was looking at the Rezound. From what I gathered on that phone it was an older model phone, although it did look a lot like our phone and it was made by the same company, HTC. Because of the amount of time he gave us to get out the door we decided in our mind that we would make a decision once we got to the store and were able to compare one phone next to the other. They both seemed to be rated fairly high. When we got to the store, we did not like the Rezound phone or the iPhone. We would've chosen the second phone over the first, but we weren't interested in letting go of our EVO for this, and it turned out the Rezound was an old phone model (just over a year introduced to the market) and the iPhone 5 is expected out shortly.

Rich got mad at us, but when the salesman he had dealt with the day before came over, we asked him about what was the most current phone that was being put out. What was their hot phone? The salesman brought out his phone and it was the Sampson Galaxy S3. Okay, I have to admit it caught our attention. It didn't look as cheesy as the first phone, and it was larger than the tiny screen on the second phone. So, we let him do the sales talk telling us about the services the phone offered while letting us play with the phone. It didn't take too much for us to decide that we were going to go with that phone. The difficulty was with Rich.  The first phone was $80, the second phone was $200, and the third phone was $200 – and he only wanted to spend $80. He added guilt into the deal where he said he would've exchanged his phone too if we both got the two $80 phones, but if I got expensive phones, he wouldn't be able to get a phone indicating that it was my fault for him not being happy. At some point, I just stopped listening to that kind of stuff. Because we could recognize what he was telling us, it wasn't anything different than our parents might've back in the day where they wanted you to feel lousy about the decision you wanted to make because it's not what they wanted. They didn't want independent children they wanted look-alikes.

The outstanding deal was that while the salesperson was going through his processes of switching over one phone to the other after choosing the Galaxy, he asked if I wanted to sell my phone for $167.  I don't think he would've asked me unless he knew I was going to take it home with me and not just drop it off with him. Okay, ask me once, but twice, unnecessary – SOLD! So the phone ended up costing only $32 which I thought was a great deal. Rich had already dug his heels in the ground, so didn't budge in getting a new phone for himself, but I was tired of feeling sorry for him because of the guilt he had been trying to put on us. We figured he could suffer in his own corner. We did neglect to ask how much the guy would have paid for Rich’s phone. One way or another, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I hadn't suggested getting new phones, I didn't decide on the phone that he wanted - true, but we had gotten him a better deal saving him an additional $47. I was quite pleased with myself, and we have been going back and forth now trying to figure out new things that our phone can do without being too overwhelmed by it. I do like the phone.

The next stop was to go to Catherine's. In both stores we used our walker because I knew I would be standing in front of a counter or choosing items from the sales floor which meant a lot of standing. Rich wasn't too displeased by that, but he was hesitant to help in putting the walker in and out of the car. Again, I felt I was being punished, but I don't think he was doing this consciously; he might have been preoccupied. At Catherine's we received poor sales help. They addressed us once when we came in and showed us a couple lousy items and then disappeared behind the counter for the rest of the time. They showed absolutely no interest even after we had purchased items, they didn't help with exchanges, and they were slow at the register. The main salesperson had chosen two skirts for us that were the wrong size (we had asked for 3X not 2X), so we had to go back and get the right size which messed up the time we had spent in matching outfits. At the end, I decided against getting any skirts, but Rich had come up with the idea of looking for tops for my old blue jean skirt in the closet which worked fine, and we were able to match three different shirts that would go with either that or the jeans that we might be wearing in the evening. We also got a few underthings and we were exhausted by the time we left.  It was WAY too much money even WITH the 25% discount.

Going back to the Dr. Marvin session, he was really pleased and he listened to all the slow gory details. We hadn't wanted to go into them, but he was pushing and prodding. He tried to set –up an example for us when we asked, “Who could do something like this for fun?” meaning to go clothes shopping.  But then, he related it to the difference of feeling we had when we were shopping for the phone, and barring the fact that Rich was grouchy, it had been exciting for us. He said that's how most people feel when they shop for clothes.  Ugh!

I think the next part of this session with Dr. Marvin was going over the trip. It seems Rich’s mother was talked about the most here because of our frustration in her needing assistance, which I had related to her drinking. For example, she expects to drink on the airplane, but doesn't know how she's going to handle getting on and off the airplane. She just isn't calculating that the drinking might be a good part of that problem. I have a lot of problem with things like this. I think she should take more responsibility for her behaviors. Rich went out to her place today. I think he's due there in about 10 min. He had a meeting first and then he was going to go to his mother's and pick up a walker and a suitcase so they didn't have to deal with that on the airplane when they came next week.  That is fair assistance given.  And, I'm pretty sure by now you know that we are leaving on Saturday morning.  Why are we repeating?

Rich is now gone for the rest of the day, because today is his day to play cards until midnight or 1 AM. So I have some time to do things at my own comfort and speed level but he's got me on a schedule to have my clothes packed by tomorrow too. I think that Friday he is planning a very busy day, plus he has the football game, and he wants to leave early Saturday morning – so it all seems to make sense. I'm not really getting a firm handle that we’re actually going to be leaving. Most of my trouble comes of course from not wanting to leave the computer. I am trying to insert thoughts that I will be using Rich’s laptop over my netbook, so that will be better, but not even that makes me happy because Rich doesn't have all the features my computer has, and it's certainly not like being on a couple of big screens with mouse.

Okay, just lost their place. Sorry girls.  After we tried to figure out what we were talking about. I have to admit that one of the top priorities of the day seems to be in the excitement of getting the Adobe e-learning suite. I don't know whether it's coming in today's mail, or maybe in the next couple days, or after we get back, but I am very excited about seeing the packages in real life. There is so much to do on the computer as to learning that I could be on it the whole trip and not have everything done. I think that we will be watching videos about how to use the Adobe program, although, I'm not sure whether we should bring ear phones or not for Rich’s computer. It seems unfair to make him listen to what we're listening to, but then we're able to share somewhat of the good experience as well. I know we won't be putting it on his computer - there is no use for it there as soon as we get back. And, he is very sticky about adding things to his computer.

I think it’s all part of the transition going from here to the car. I know it's going to happen, I know it's going to take some effort, and it can't be too much further down the road – but I'm not happy about it. We're going to try avoiding some of the unpleasant feelings of transition. I think it'll be a good experience being around Jillian and her fiancé, but I am wary about intruding in their space. I think that she really needs a good dose of dad, so I am going to try to be as inconspicuous as possible. We would like to take the computer and sit in the corner like a mouse. I'm really going down there to be Rich’s companion more than anything else, and I'm aware of that being my position. I still think there's going to be a lot of family dramatics that I'm not looking forward to. Like I fret like anything the thought of Jillian crying because somebody has upset her. She's going to be pretty wound up – it is her wedding! I hope nobody tries to take that excitement and specialism away from her.

I am looking forward to a change of scenery. We will be going to states that I've never seen before. Rich has decided that one of the days that he's going to be taking me to see the top of the mountain. He says that we will ride the tram to get there. That sounds pretty exciting to me! But, we told him he doesn't have to take us to a mountaintop to feel the excitement of being at the top of a mountain. Well, you sort of  got that right? That's enough of that.

Okay that makes me feel little bit better :-)

I think we’re still over at Dr. Marvin's office; we just keep drifting off the path. The thing we spent the most time on yesterday was that we gave Dr. Marvin the chance to read our “About Me” section. I don't think he was in it more than a paragraph or two before he pulled out his pen and asked without looking, “You don’t mind if I make some corrections to you?” That sort of thing makes us giggle. We know he's the everlasting gob stopper of a Professor. It's funny we don't usually use that term, but if somebody teaches at a University and he's a doctor, he is probably a Professor too, right? I'm guessing the people still call him Dr. Marvin rather than Professor Marvin. Just a stray bullet thought.

There wasn't a whole lot said between Dr. Marvin's readings of the paper, though he seemed to do it eagerly enough as if we had never asked him to do this kind of thing before. We did clarify that it had been a couple years since asking him to read a “history paper” for us. Each time you do one it's like a reframing of your life. I was curious to find out what he may or may not already know. He seemed a little bit more surprised this time because he didn't realize that the Brothers had been such a long – lasting part of our life. We talked for a few minutes about that, but both of us agreed that we could discuss those things at another time when there was more time.

We seem to do a lot of time just watching his face to see the different expressions even though they are minor.  For somebody that gives a straight face, it is pretty exciting to watch his face. I know when things make him happy, excited, confused, and concerned. I'm guessing it's not supposed to be the patient's job to read the Doctor, but after 13 years of being with him, there has had to be some perks! He never disappoints, AND I would imagine the exercise builds trust.

I think whatever happened in Dr. Marvin sessions the last couple times there - we've been getting really tired afterwards, even when we don't seem to be working that hard. Last night we went to the computer after cajoling Rich to spend more time talking with us – he wanted to watch TV, which we tire of easily, soon we found our place elsewhere.  We ended up going to bed about 7:30 PM. We got up again about 10 PM and were up until about 2:30 AM. I think it was one of those mornings then where Rich was up before we were. It seems to me – oh I know ... He was up because we had asked him to take pictures of us in the new pajamas and he was sitting in his new office chair already. Guess he was up earlier for sure.

I feel pretty much like we got caught up now. There really wasn't anything happening over the last couple days to be over – excited about. We should let that part of ourselves who gets excited about trips be out for a while. I can be pretty sure that it is Sarah. I know when someone in the system gets started, she will be non-stop. We've been working on eating dinner for a while although it's only about 3:30 PM.  We just have like a quarter of the dinner at a time, so by the time it's about 6 PM or so, we will have finished eating in total. It's our preference to do this when Rich is not here. I would like to surprise him and be ready which includes having a good estimation of what needs to be done with clothing.  For example, if we have to wash a load tomorrow or steam something and to make sure that the house is picked-up. Shoot, I forgot, we still have to talk to Maury. I might have to run a key to his house on Friday morning. We'll see. I'm not ready to deal with that now, but Maury will need to know more in taking care of the cats while we’re gone. He only has to stop by two or three times during the time we're gone.

Oh, I see how this is going to happen – you are just going to gradually slide me into planning for the trip? Sneaky ...

Okay, if you are going to be like that, what actually has to happen? That is it … we’ll make the damn list!

·         Take dishes and garbage out to the kitchen
·         put away various objects in the living room
·         wipe the top of the flat surfaces in the living room
·         vacuum living room
·         put dishes in the dishwasher
·         wipe the kitchen sink and counter
·         look at the sewing room to see if anything needs to be put away
·         put cans of pop in refrigerator so cold for cooler
·         look at what needs to be cleaned in the bathroom
·         make the bed
·         get out the suitcase
·         take out the appropriate number of outfits and pajamas for 10 days (temperatures look like each day from 60 to 95°)
·         check for clothes that might need to be washed
·         Pack items in the suitcase including
o   clothing
o   underthings
o   jacket
o   toiletry
o   medicine
o   shoes and slippers
o   power strip
o   paper and pen
·         charge electronics and batteries
·         pack electronics including devices and cords
o   netbook and cord
o   Rich’s laptop and cord
o   headphone
o   Kindle and cord
o   two phones and cord
o   camera and cord
o   iPod and headphone and two cords
·         pack books
·         remind Rich to pack money
·         give Rich any assistance he might need in packing, but expect he knows what to do better than us – give him a wide berth
·         pack blender and Herbalife mixes
·         consider packing margarita mix
·         pack cooler with pop, water, and other
·         pack steamer
·         get from car Walker, glasses, blue pouch, and disabled pass
·         finish sewing last edge of quilt
·         go over instructions with Maury
·         get keys for Maury and wrapping paper for Jillian's gift
·         wrap quilt and pack
·         get ice, or remind Rich to get ice
·         Rich will be driving the key to Maury about Friday noon
·         talk to Carol downstairs about being gone for 10 days, mail, Maury coming over for cats
·         repeat cleaning task until we leave Saturday morning
·         take care of cats including food, water, temperature, and litter box
·         be timely on the computer
·         check the Sprint bill for Rich
·         Remember Rich’s gift to Chris and Jill’s sweatshirts
·         Ask Rich if he has mailed aunt’s gifts, or should they be packed

Thursday, September 6, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Good morning. We are going to continue this note from yesterday's note, as we just got done editing and it is going to be a very short note. Rich is gone for a while, and I don't expect him to be back until about 3 PM - Although, I would not be surprised if he stepped – in for lunch. My understanding is that he will be here when we get back from Dr. Martin's appointment this afternoon. I think he is planning on doing some leftovers for dinner and maybe supplementing it a bit. We showed him the list this morning of what has to be done by us and he took a few things off the list, but added a few more. I think at this point his expectation of me is so low, that if I really go strong and finish some tasks, he would be very happy with us. I'm not sure though because we still have to get out another pass-through on our news site before we leave in case we can't get to it while we are gone.  More time will be spent on writing new entries in hope of "capturing" the trip.

Nothing too exceptional happened last night. After we got off the computer, we went to eat more dinner and turned on the TV. We watched a NCIS, and then we watched another, and I think we started watching one more but we fell asleep. We never made it back to the computer and I'm pretty sure it was Rich that woke us up after he got home. We had taken our medicine, I believe, but he had to put us to bed. Rich was up earlier than us this morning. I don't think we woke until 7:30 AM. We've gone through our e-mail, looked through the TweetDeck and our editing, and that's about it for the day.

We have revised the list, but then there's also the part about doing the news and I have to balance this right now. It would be good for me to do a load of clothes I suppose. And I should start the cleaning. Rich would be so happy if I had the living room picked up and vacuumed. I think we've been here before and are now repeating. I think that would really set him up nicely though for doing what he needs to do next. I know that he wants to pack today too. Better reason than not to get those clothes washed earlier. Let me stop and do that now.

Okay, that is done. We put in the dark load and we might throw the extra white towels in with the white load just to complete the load. I brought the dishes out to the kitchen too but at this point my back needs rest. I wouldn't be surprised if there was another load tomorrow, but we would've had to have clothes found that had been forgotten in either Rich’s gym bag or his suitcase to do something like that because between the two of us we don't go through enough clothes in one day to do a whole load. Okay, that's enough laundry news. Just have to remember to get the load changed at 11:15 AM.

I think this is the only kind of news you really get here today. I know laundry exciting, right? We are going to have to go to Dr. Marvin's today so better get started with the blogs and cleaning in increments of times between that. I know nothing really exciting, but it is real!

4,683/421

AHA!!!!  We've been busy and stuff's gotten done!!!

·         Take dishes and garbage out to the kitchen
·         put away various objects in the living room
·         wipe the top of the flat surfaces in the living room
·         vacuum living room
·         put dishes in the dishwasher
·         wipe the kitchen sink and counter
·         look at the sewing room to see if anything needs to be put away
·         put cans of pop in refrigerator so cold for cooler
·         look at what needs to be cleaned in the bathroom
·         make the bed
·         get out the suitcase
·         take out the appropriate number of outfits and pajamas for 10 days (temperatures look like each day from 60 to 95°)
·         check for clothes that might need to be washed
·         Pack items in the suitcase including
o   clothing
o purple dress
pajamas   
underthings
o   jacket
o   toiletry
o   medicine
o   shoes and slippers
o   power strip
o   paper and pen
·         charge electronics and batteries
·         pack electronics including devices and cords
o   netbook and cord
o   Rich’s laptop and cord
o   headphone
o   Kindle and cord
o   two phones and cord
o   camera and cord
o   iPod and headphone and two cords
·         pack books
·         remind Rich to pack money
·         give Rich any assistance he might need in packing, but expect he knows what to do better than us – give him a wide berth
·         pack blender and Herbalife mixes
·         consider packing margarita mix
·         pack cooler with pop, water, and other
·         pack steamer
·         get from car Walker, glasses, blue pouch, and disabled pass
·         finish sewing last edge of quilt
·         go over instructions with Maury
·          wrap quilt and pack
·         remind Rich to get ice
·         Rich will be driving the key to Maury about Friday noon
·         talk to Carol downstairs about being gone for 10 days, mail, Maury coming over for cats
·         repeat cleaning task until we leave Saturday morning
·         take care of cats including food, water, temperature, and litter box
·         be timely on the computer
·         check the Sprint bill for Rich
·         Remember Rich’s gift to Chris and Jill’s sweatshirts
·         Roasting Pan
·         Finish posting News copy

Caraway
Sauerkraut
Cherries and Grapes
Pop
Spot Shot
Shaver




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