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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Ok, not real clear here, but trying to figure things out. Like to make that like "happening"

Friday, October 05, 2012 @ 11:44 am

Good morning.  It is me. 

We’re starting to think seriously about quilting with the retreat coming up – found the quilt above we really like, but haven’t worked it into the schedule!  Sure some pretty colors!  Besides … just a really nice picture to start from – we were hoping Linda would do one like this from her color ways – she’s got a LOT of colors!  Hmm, interesting … I wonder if we could do something like this based from some of the fat quarters we got from CS when she moved.  Batiks obviously would be nice, but DON’T need to spend more money.  I think Linda said she gets the magazine.  Better write to her and ask if she can bring the pattern to the retreat J OR, just hard mail it … I don’t know if it would matter to her whether or not we tore the page from the magazine, but we would need to put in through the scanner.  Hmm, I could buy the magazine for $5.99.  That would be defeating the purpose of having a friend with privileges!  Hehehe Linda you’re the woman! 

We’re getting a late start, but feel a little excited to get to my blogging for the day.  Not sure why … maybe because it seems to have been so long since the last time we blogged.  I think the most difficulty we have is being able to access back through our thoughts in figuring out what is happening or what directions our minds have been taking.  We also have gone through some problems in trying to figure out whether or not we use Dragon.  It has so many advantages to speed, but as to content and accuracy, there is a lot of rework.  It seems there is some benefit to staying closer in touch from mind2blog (m2b).  Hehehe isn’t that about where we are all at anyway?  It’s about getting out information from our heads that feels worthy enough to share or express to others on the blog? 

Since it has been a week since writing, we figured we should try to recapture some of what has been happening.  I know this much (outline format):

Last Thursday, we had a meeting with Dr. M and for the most part – it seemed like older parts were out – went through discussions with him about our new Google Calendar priorities.

On Saturday we found ourselves doing a lot of work toward LMS (learning management systems) and OCW (open courseware) and we spent a good amount of time with work upgrading Rich’s LinkedIn account

On Monday we posted an entry to the News DID/MPD Blog and we then became engrossed in worry about Sarah not “being in business.”

On Tuesday, we skipped Dr. Marvin’s appointment and went to a Madison, WI lake with Rich then came home to police arresting 5 people from neighbor’s apartment (across hall), and uploaded fishing pictures

On Wednesday we were sluggish all morning and then got into doing some things and making connections concerning the November 7-11 Quilting Retreat , and we talked to our mother for quite a while about a variety of things.

On Wednesday night - We watched the Presidential debate

Yesterday we connected online with Linda from Las Vegas, to our regular Linda before she left on vacation, sent a note to Laura in hope of meeting her and Austin relatively soon, and Rich was out fishing with his cousin

Last night (Thursday), we went to a meeting with Dr. M. and communicated to Joe (our son) several times and ate diner out with Rich at the Brookfield restaurant

This morning we checked out some resources especially including those for curating as well as a sale at JoAnn’s on containers and notions.

There!  That seems to be an acceptable list – at least we “recalled things” from each of the day.  We really cheat here in that we first looked at our incoming and outgoing email, and then we searched out our FB connection, especially the messages section to Linda.  It seems that this week we have been in better connection to her – though in general, we haven’t had a good day with the News curating since Monday.  Tuesday again obviously we were gone and then Wednesday was in another bit of recovery from being away from the computer all day, and then yesterday it seemed that we were starting to connect to the pieces that have made up our current existence.  Like – ok, beside housework, what were we doing in life?  A little of the time in-between things is still going to activities that are redundant – particularly in reading work that has already been accomplished.  Sometimes we figure other people are reading the work, and then we have a tendency of rereading it trying to figure out what the new person is going to know through reading us, because we can’t remember what was written before.  We’re thinking we’d hate to add paranoia to our Twitter label! 

Now that we have some cues … we will go back and flesh things out a bit.  So the first thing was that we had had an appointment with Dr. M a week ago yesterday.  We regretted not writing write away, but we were trying to get into the reading of blogs and it seemed that we kept losing ground.  Up to this point, we are now backed up to six days ago – there or about.  Basically, at the time we had only two days left, but we remember last leaving off at Sarah’s blog, but we’ll hold on there for a second and instead just do some counting forward.  We have now about 60 blogs to go through.  Some of the blogs we had caught-up on the older (missing 3-week portions), but some of those blogs, we still need to read back now almost a month earlier. 

I think that is one of the things that we talked to Dr. Marvin about on the Thursday – 28th date.  It would have made sense, and then I think we were trying to get over the shock of what had happened on Tuesday that all worked around the time spent with younger parts and housework.  I don’t think we got into the “meat” of it until toward the end of the session.  It seems sometimes that when we get into something very “dramatic” for us, then it takes some time for the older parts to not only settle younger parts feelings, but as well restructure “life as we know it” for us as older parts as well.  It is like regaining our composure. 

I think Dr. Marvin has been on top of his game the last couple of sessions and while we’re at it, we might now try to switch-up and recall something from last night (Thursday – 4th) session.  You would think because it was so close, that we’d have plenty of access to it, but to tell you the truth it feels as foreign to me now as what had happened last week.  I do believe that Sarah started off the session in that we were a little silly.  The engagement seemed to go … we are sitting on his couch … looking around and not trying to see anything, question why there isn’t something in our head, then relaying that information to Dr. Marvin along with letting him know that no one wants to talk to him, for whom he says, then how about you!  *giggling nervously* Oh, I see.  What do I KNOW about? 

The first thing that Sarah talked about was that she’d taken a movie of Rich, and then amazingly as she was taking this 1:25 minute clip, he caught a fish, she captured it (AND netted it), went back to her filming and was pretty happy with herself.  YAY!!!

Thinking that might be about the most solid thoughts we had on the night.  I’m going to try thinking VERY hard now.  I think we told him that we had gotten along with Rich – no arguing on the long Tuesday day off.  We talked about a call made to the mother and her having mental problems before she had us even.  And, we talked somewhat about my sister, but not much.  A lot of times when the three with me being the third are discussed there are some comparisons to roles that each of us took.  I do remember now that we had started in the car reading Dell’s “multiple” book again, and then we remembered that we’d brought the book, so we opened up the book to pages that had been highlighted, and then we went over them with Dr. Marvin.  Although, we have absolutely no memory of what we are reading – when we skim over the material that was highlighted, we can often think back to what we were wondering about or learning when we initially read the chapter.  That’s really what happened last night.

We remember that Dr. Marvin gave us a complement, but we aren’t sure what … it might have been just that after we stated/feared we were like our mother, Dr. Marvin asked us to rethink that and when we did both us and him were able to distinguish more reasons we were unlike her then not.  One of the problems was that we see our narcissistic mother as not having real relationships with people especially including us.  It was threatening to think that because much of our relating time goes toward blog reading of others, that we aren’t literally connected to people other than ourselves. 

Dr. Marvin was able to interpret for us though that if we weren’t interested in others, we would not read the blogs.  This really took some concentration to see his point.  What worked in the end was that we recalled several different people that we’d been reading about that we were particularly concerned about.  Then we started to feel those feelings of confusion again for not knowing exactly how to relate though share comments.  I would like to be supportive and I feel we are appreciative of people.  We care about the people we read, though just like the book on multiplicity – we don’t often think of people until they are directly in front of us again with their next and next blog entries.  Usually then we can remember some of their past positions and can then see advancements or lack of advancements in their post entry.  Most often the lack of advancement isn’t because of their ability or will; it’s just that they’ve gotten drop-bombed with more environmental stimuli that they also now have to conquer in going forward with their ideals. 

It seems all the time reading, we are really looking for people to advance their lives and so when they post things that are accomplished we feel successful as what we are reading.  Likewise if someone felt really alone or depressed, we feel this also.  Part of being empathic is that we have memories of being depressed so hold that space while trying to hold an open door to being in the present so we can respond from both knowledge and active positive concern.  It’s really important to realize that we don’t, can’t, or won’t consider fixing people.  That isn’t anywhere close to our objective.  Even if we did have the presence of mind to connect someone to the next step forward, we can only say something or offer a consideration, but it is up to the blogger to advance him or herself, not us.  I do intend to leave for people the knowledge that we were there and had considered their space in time presented through their last blogging efforts.  I feel akin to people in that we like it when people “see us” at our blog too. 

Maybe part of our desire to “read” other people is because we have such strong feelings of being invisible.  We see some advantage, of course, in coming into another writer’s space and not startling him or her – so in a sense staying subtle, but we are looking for main themes of where people are … so for example if someone is having a relationship issue expressed, then we don’t want to say so much as to the relationship in a way that would be more than generic - BECAUSE we don’t know the other person the blogger is talking about any more than we know the blogger.  Realistically, we don’t know anyone more than 2 months.  We seem to come in more of a role basis.  Such as this person is talking about her best friend, or this person is talking about her life partner, or her parent, so given these situations – how is all that happening, especially does it seem to match-up that the relationship being described to the outcome that the writer is expressing.  In other words, does the “tale” seem accurate and if it does, what does it point out of real value to the writer or the reader?

And, then stepping away from whomever the writer is writing about, you find yourself again more in a track in that the writer is writing to you as their unknown audience.  Some authors are more comfortable with this than others.  For us it is like, ok you just told me that you just wanted a studio space, or you just celebrated your birthday with friends, or that you got cookies while shopping, etc., so what am I to gain from this reference.  I know as a writer myself that my first audience is me, and then only after that (multiplied by 20 parts), my audience is to you the reader.  So then to me as our first audience, I want to convey whatever my mind dares to think, or risk feeling out loud.  We have a pretty flexible boundary between what we think, feel and how we behave and what we allow others to know.

We’re back to the part where we would like to be fairly transparent, while hoping you know that the details of how our life turns from one thing to another, isn't as important as getting out the message that there is a real person who is putting out and down these thoughts, and that she hopes that there is some value to them.  Especially, because we want to know and want to know that to other people our life has some meaning.  When I come in as a reader I want to recognize to you that I see you and that I see such and such happening and am interested to know what you make of it.  Secondarily, it might be something I can learn from, but primarily, we think you are the one as the writer that has to know that your thoughts, words, and deeds have meaning, because you are part of life that is turning and developing so that from your small, medium, or large perspective on any one topic area, we are each helping to turn the world’s wheel – that to which everyone makes some kind of progress or improvement as their life progresses.  I think we aim for that at least just because it makes us feel better to be feeling we have some value in ourselves as a producer or product in a consuming world.

Maybe this has more to do with how I’m made-up than you.  We found something else in our reading this morning.  It gave us another potential self-definition; in a sense what is it about what we choose to do in the multiple worlds that make it make sense.  The expression came through a few searches on “curating.”  Basically, people who curate become “thought leaders” which would then secondarily generate engagement.  Engagement is communication which goes back to holding conversations in an area very relevant to our lives.  One of the other thoughts in thought leadership was that we each try to build and develop our own niche which means that we become a “go-to” resource for those in our profession or industry.  We've long been attuned to that statement that our work position has been through responsibility, not authority.  I guess we’ll have to continue thinking about that. 


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