Both the Ups and Downs - both major

Tuesday, December 18, 2012 @ 12:01 PM

Good morning or better yet afternoon.  We just set-up our second set of pictures over the last week that hasn’t been explained … we don’t have a lot of time for these explanations, but we wanted to get something down before hopefully another Dr. Marvin appointment in the next couple of days.  We also are thinking at this time we might show him the pictures so that he understand better our thoughts and then it would be easier in our talking to him of the feelings of loss and gain.  So first – I know that we are the ones looking at the pictures as we’re writing, but maybe you could do a duplicate set of screens for AMWP or better yet … just remember the general flow of what is happening.  We’ll start with the sorting part first.

The first picture is a bin with a great amount of fabric pieces stashed in it.  The pieces from this bin came from Linda, but we have similar bins with the other Linda, Connie Sue and my Grandmother.  The first thing we do in this process of our quilting and making use of the material is to take a pile out and then using our iron (see second picture), we make stacks of fabric from uncrumpling, ironing, and then placing in a pile according to size.  There are the pieces that can be folded in a 6” x 6” pile (see third picture), and then I’ve been making about 4” of piles and then bundling them.  There was at this point not much other sorting … we were just stacking.  (See next picture of bin) … the thing is that we needed more order … you can see the bins are big and we have 9 of them to go through and for the pieces to be utilized later in quilts or applique, there had to be more order into the system. 

The next sign accurately says “We’re not crazy – we are mentally unrestricted!”  This is about how we were feeling about the process.  I’m pretty sure most people would think of this as a somewhat crazy project … I mean scraps?

Soooo, what came next was that we figured that we needed a way to sort the fabric by color or other and that after a LOT of looking and comparing and reading reviews … we chose the 10 drawer sorter that is pictured (see next – to the left of the Christmas tree).  We had gotten a gift from my mother in cash and we decided that Rich would have $150 - $75 from me and $75 from my mother, and then we’d also get the same and this was going to be for our major Christmas gift.  Rich wants his gift to be a rod and real – which we’re all good with and for our gift we are taking it to be the 10-Drawer sorter AND the Jinny Beyer fandeck!  WooHoo … plenty to play with for Christmas morning too!

When we were arranging to purchase a set of drawers we did some careful measuring and thought there would be plenty of space in front of the electronics cords (see next picture) and that it would look much better in the process.  (See next picture) This is how that corner looks now.  It was touch and go as to the getting process, but fact is this is where the new drawers are sitting … and yes it was a good idea to give Rich back his credit card number.  *sigh*

So now the process is the same as to stacking and piling, but then we sort in colors and we’ve labeled each of the drawers to be taking in most of the colors we find.  For those really mixed up there is a “odd colored pieces” drawer at the bottom.  (See next three pictures)  We feel very confident in the drawers and believe the system to really work.  The drawers are on wheels and so we can pull them out or leave them tucked away.  Not only do we have drawers for each color – we also sort the colors from light to dark.  You can see the stack on the yellow/orange drawer is lighter (background fabric color and th stack on the left is the darker colors.  The drawers are about 10” x 12” x 3”.  The smaller pieces are in the front two stacks, and in the back are the 6” x 6”s.  THEN…

The next step to the project – AFTER the pieces have been sorted, are to get them to either the white canvas shoeboxes hanging in the closet (half seen in the next picture) or get them to the pink shoeboxes above our cutting table in the sewing room.  The white canvas is for putting the 6” x 6” blocks, and the pink boxes are for the smaller pieces.  We have some work to do here in further processing, but again the final result is that we have pieces that match and can go into scrap quilt building.  We also have (see next picture) the four drawers of fat quarters.  I think mostly the fat quarters are relatively small and the white canvas are for a bit bigger.  Right now the fat quarters (greens and blues shown in the drawers) are a collection from my sister and helped to put together my mother’s quilt. 

The next picture is the Jinny Beyer fan deck.  We are going to try using this in our matching of colors so that we can gauge the proper order of things – that work out.  For me … I look at just some of these blues (see next picture) are all mixmatched, but the reality is that our eyes skim over them like eye candy.  We love how it works in our mind.  A lot of our scraps have more white or more colored prints within the fabric, but then the fan is more as a first ranging of things in order.  Like to me this particular fan deck is showing a lot of what seems muted colors but then there are a few brighter blues.  We need to learn about hues (colors) and then the way colors … forget the words, but basically show different intensities.  Like with JB I would have never thought to put a light blue – (see top of fan picture) with the others, but it seems to make the others … I hate this word, but “pop.”  I love JB. Quilts for their ability to be so visually outstanding.  I hope to do a lot more of that kind of work in our future. 

The next picture is of Jillian’s Christmas gift.  She is now a Lucero … her picture is of a set of three wedding rings and symbolized for me not only her marriage this year, but that there family was now of three because of Nattie.  It really is an excellent family and looking forward to knowing more of what is going on in their lives.  Mostly I think though Rich is the one that hears from his daughter and they talk more probably in private, but we did want to remember her this year in a small way and like so many other gifts – this year we are really working on applique.  The last picture is of the cats.  This shot struck us as funny because we’d been working so hard at organizing that it gave us the thought of sorting them out by baskets too.  We were also struck that Missy was playing with the WHITE fabric softener and that it had a “color” index of its own.  For as much as we are getting into colors again … It was a statement being made … I don’t think Missy is as interested in colors as we J

I’m going to need a little break here though … It’s now 1 PM and we’re going to take our medicine and jump in the shower.  We’re going to be leaving for Dr. Marvin’s at 2 PM for an early 3 PM appointment.  Rich has a roast on that will be ready when we get back, and he said that he won’t be home until around 7:30 PM.  Yes, you probably don’t know this yet, but we are FINALLY starting to talk to him again.  He’s been way deep in the dog house over the last couple of days and this reflects activities of the second set of pictures looking at houses.  Yes, you could probably guess that didn’t go so well, but that will be the next hours’ discussion.  BRB.

Ok, shower is done and popcorn is in the micro.  Rich came home which was a good thing because it was only him knocking on the bathroom door.  He wasn’t so happy we simply asked, “Who is it?” He was like were you expecting someone else?  No no … just being polite.  Hehehe.  We were pretty sure a mad rapist wouldn’t have knocked.  Not sure where he is now at his day, he hadn’t planned coming home.  I think something went wrong, but it doesn’t seem to be too major … he was making a sandwich for his lunch.  Hmm, he sat down in back … I guess he’s still in his business mode.

Hmm, not too much time now to talk about the house.  We had showered, taken our medicine, eaten our popcorn, and gotten dressed.  Just now have to walk out the door in a half hour. Hmm, add find phone – another 4 minutes L  Grrr… Kept walking past it on my sewing table.  That’s where we looked first.  Fortunately it was still charged and we found it from using Rich’s phone to call the number.  HMPF!

Trying not to be grouchy … feel a little bit like that.  Just 23 minutes left.  Feeling a sense of panic for not being able to stay at home doing what we want.  Scrolling over to the Plano Townhouse pictures makes me want to cry because we now know that it is an impossible deal with Rich.  He’s planted firmly on it not being a place with stairs.  You might have caught me already complaining about that.  The pictures show first the town houses in general – their general overall appearance.  Then there is a diagram with the houses pictured.  The house was their model house so it is in an ideal location away from the others a bit with a big parking lot next to it.  There are four places in the building.  Also if you look at it closely you can see the ponds and in particular that it is surrounded by baseball fields.  That was one of Rich’s ideals.

The third picture is what the unit looks like.  One unit is the two car garage, (one master bedroom window over that), and then you see two doors each going to separate residences.  The window over the door (on the left) is over the hallway area – it is very open.  The next thing is the floor plan.  You can see that it has in general 6 rooms … we knew we had to stay fairly small for Rich to be happy.  One of the rooms is a loft which is what made us the HAPPIEST!  It was a decent size and had the laundry on the second floor along with two baths so Rich and I would have each had our own – and then the 2^nd bedroom would have been the real sewing room.  The loft has a build in desk – you’ll see further down and above the family room is open so across from some really beautiful spindles and mahagony railing you can be with people downstairs, but not at the same time which would have been optimal for Rich and us and kept my “fray” away from the living space.  We had thought through enough so that we would have left the ironing board out by the railing so that we could be there and with Rich at the same time without crowding us and giving me space away from the TV.  You’ll see a picture of the loft desk which is a built-in … it’s sooo beautiful … Rich would have continued doing his work from the dining area, and we would have had the upstairs for our computer.

There is no fireplace, but at this point inconsideration of fabric smells we’re thinking that might be a bit of a positive.  The dining room and living room area isn’t big, but it is very comfortable and open to a very generous kitchen with 42” cabinets.  All the $5000+ utilities stayed as well as we could have chosen for a low cost any of the furniture or other belongings in the house for the price.  The asking price is $95,000 – which we felt very comfortable with … Because it was a builder’s model it had many upgrades including even a sound system piped through the house.  The house is built on a slab, so there is no extra storage, but you have a 2 car garage and I’m not thrilled with the thought of a basement being flooded.  I know could be a first floor and that would be rare, but somehow basement space is still underneath space.  Someone would have to really have done a good job – with REAL walls for me to be happy with it.

If you can follow the pictures (see under) you would have seen the nice shades of yellow and green which match our furniture.  It has a nice door going out the back – and a slab for BBQ.  The master bedroom isn’t real large, but it is as big as our bedroom, but has a walk in closet and private bath … It also has the gorgeous window with the arch – AND fan … and lets mention again … laundry upstairs next to the master bedroom. 

We’re looking at the time and understanding that a decent conversation can’t be completed with just 8 minutes left.  So maybe just a general impression and then the rest we’ll work out with Dr. Marvin and then hope to write after that.  The real impression is a feeling of devastation.  Not only in losing the house, but in losing our belief in Rich.  We’ve gone through so many things like this with him in both houses, but as well in being able to be a legitimate couple – him getting divorced, or us not getting married, or covering us financially either now or in the future, especially if something happened to him.  It is such a sinking feeling knowing that no matter what we want … we’ll never get it and that he’s not capable of providing much better for us.  Even the apartment that we’re living in – is my apartment.  And, even though we’re not working contributing, we’re still putting $1400 a month into the pot.  I know it’s not enough, but it is enough to cover most my expenses.  So he’s not doing that for me.  I can’t hold tightly here because I know he does some nice things for me financially and through relating with our different parts.  But, I have no hope that my personal life is ever going to be better.  Just one drunk driver and I’m in a nursing home the rest of my life.  That is really how it feels.  There’s no security with anything.  I don’t know if it would be any different if he was here or not.  I sure wouldn’t eat as well without him, and I really do love our sex life, just that … I don’t know … Last week we were talking to Dr. Marvin about our sense of entitlement.  Maybe that will be the major conversation today too.

I know he started the statement related to my sister, but then something he said – and I think we asked him the question and it seemed confirmed we also have feelings of entitlement … I think this is like now when we’re expecting something from Rich without being able to do it on our own.  I don’t know.  I don’t think much of our ability to do much in life.  I don’t know if this is going to lead back to conversations on working with people on multiplicity or finishing school.  I don’t know … just don’t feel very able.  I like my life, but I don’t like having so little.  One argument with a landlord and we’re without any home.  Worst of all with Rich was that there was no real talking … What he did was yell and produce all his negatives in one very long speech.  Afterward I felt beaten and we didn’t talk to him for the next 2-3 days.  We’ve started now, but am feeling very depressed.  Not sure how to handle it … we took some extra pills, but just a few to calm down.  Our mind was just banging against our brain.  I don’t know … time to go though now.

Good time to be seeing him.  Maybe he can help us make sense of our expectations.  Just really down.

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