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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Just a little pre-uptight stakes are HUGE!

Thursday, January 31, 2013 @ 5:35 AM

Good morning, this is just me.  It’s been a couple days since writing, but if you’ve been here you have seen the pictures of the new house … and we were hoping that at least this house would be something we could have.  What is all the excitement about?

Basically, we had last written two days ago and we had just gotten to the part of wanting to explore getting a house again.  We had last left it that we were calling Heidi from Ryland Homes about the first house we looked at on Munson in Plano for $95,000.  We had thought after some consideration that if we couldn’t afford a $60,000 loan, maybe we could afford a $30,000 loan.  One of the things Heidi had said was that we should talk to her guy Mike.  Since then we DID talk to Mike and it is still a no go for the present time.  His suggestion was that we do our 2012 taxes and that we get verification that we would be able to defer our house the three years while waiting to drop the loan charges due to disability. 

I am thinking that the disability is something that is ongoing and that it will be worked through in time, but that didn’t help us immediately.  And, we weren’t sure how Rich’s income was going to show, because he has so many business expenses this year.  So, then we had to think of getting a house possibly without a loan.  This meant that we’d have to, or at least Rich would have to ask his mother again whether, she could at least go with her idea of taking out just $25,000, because she had one CD for $25,000 and one for $50,000, so she could keep the other in the bank.  That is the thought we’ve been operating under, though we know like last time, she may decide any which way that also might not be the same way Rich and I are thinking.  We’ve still got his $27,000 and my $10,000 so if we could add those three amounts together we’d have $62,000 for a home.

I don’t think that is very much money for a home, especially since the last one was frugal at $120,000.  BUT, we thought that this time we would still look near Rich’s mother, and one of the benefits of that is that being away from the city of Chicago, real estate was less expensive.  We hadn’t gone too far into it the night that we saw Dr. Marvin, although being there gave us a chance to talk over expenses again and the house idea was brought up.  The most important thing at the time though was that we went over the disability again and talked about how it affected the school loan and going back to school again.  I had brought the paperwork with me that we’ve received so far and we ended up splitting so that he took about 60% of the work and I took back about 40% of the work.  There really wasn’t a lot to do on my end.  Basically, I had to get in a form for one of the school loans to defer until the three year waiting period, and then we had to get in final exit paperwork for the school.  We went over with Dr. Marvin about what we had to do and he explained some things that I wasn’t sure about. 

Dr. Marvin said that he’d filled in his end of the paperwork before.  There were three documents, but they were identical so as soon as he did one, he just had to copy the other three.  That was a good thing.  He said that they didn’t allow for much writing on the form, and so he’d written before where they hadn’t gone through and he had learned through the process to write the questions independent of the form so he could go into more explanation.  I was really glad for his experience.  He said that he would send me a copy and then we could go over it.  There’s this thing about being appreciative of the benefit, but also we need to better understand our disorder and about why it is so hard for us to do things and to be able to do things longer than a month or two.  It seems over as long as I can remember it, we can just go so far and we get confused and off-track and unable to follow things through.  Maybe Dr. Marvin when asked the right questions can better explain it to me in general layman terms why my life is so difficult.

I know that we can write, but part of that is that we can write no matter which part is out.  We can have happy parts out one moment, and the next we are too angry to think, or we are racing toward depression and suicidal ideation.  Just we don’t have a lot of stability or structure so that we can present a united front that gets much done other than explaining where we are at as we hit each of those and more states.  I think in our best way of thinking we have to keep trying to put together some sense to the outside world, and that by keeping a journal of the efforts, we might help others down the line understand better the disorder.  We’re figuring pretty much that we are like a specimen in a bottle, or a case study.  I don’t want to leave us feeling that we are worth less as a human being than any other, but the fact of the matter is that there are differences about us that aren’t really well known.  Some people say that multiplicity happens in 1/10th of one percent, and others say that one percent of the population is multiple.  I’m more likely to lean toward the 1/10th of one percent.  I don’t mean to say we are “special” different, just our minds are structured different through the process of synapses due to the very early abuses and that point is just at its infancy of knowledge.  There are people studying the phenomena, but then like some of our work on the NEWS journal we find that most people are at the level of believing multiples are about as comic or depraved as vampires and wolves.  Maybe it’s just part of our society in the twenty-first century.  It makes good TV and movies.  And, there are a lot of people who seem to need this kind of entertainment.

I think we’re really veering off the beaten path here.  Basically, we have to come back to its Thursday morning at now 6AM and Rich’s alarm is about to go off.  We jumped in the shower early this morning and of course fed the cats and made the coffee.  We were actually up at 1:30AM, and then were able to fall asleep again from 3:30-5:00AM.  That is round about that time.  There was still a lot of time lying down on the couch still rehearsing over and over again our latest series of thoughts.  When we get excited about something, we get obsessed into it and have a hard time letting it go.  You might guess then that what we were excited about was house hunting, and more important house capturing.   Maybe then we should go back for a few more explanations.

Yesterday morning, we had extra energy and figured that we’d go back into the house finding chores, but the first thing was that we had some paperwork to take care of.  We were doing good with it.  Sometimes paperwork sits and sits and we are not able to comprehend it and then at other times we can do it and we really take advantage of those times when they come.  Yesterday morning was no exception.  We processed through everything in the form of paper that we could and we got some calls made, and we did some mail.  Part of what got done was that we brought the problems of Medicaid current which meant mailing to Medicaid directly the latest series of bills.  And, then we sent our questions and queries amongst some old bills to UIC by sorting through paperwork that Medicaid had provided.  We knew that the next time we saw Dr. Marvin (today), that we are going to have to go through it with him.  I dislike the amount of time we have to spend on money issues, but it is part of the reality that’s been so hard for us to understand and keep up with. 

We’ve come a long ways since the days we’d save up up to three months of bills without opening them, although Rich helping pay the bills has made opening mail somewhat easier.  We also, mailed some updated paperwork to the lady that takes care of our pension from St. Rose.  The task there is to send them a copy of our new disability earning each year to let them know we are still under disability.  And, then the last letter out was?  Hmm, forgetting that part now … think we’re forgetting two because there were four envelopes all together – three manila envelopes and two regular envelopes.  I think we’re going to let that one go for now.  Oh, I know, two of the envelopes were for processing the school loans.  That was the part we’d talked about before that was 40% our responsibility.  I felt really good about getting all that done!

The other thing in general yesterday morning was getting things copied through the scanner and getting all the papers to their right spot.  Rich had to take care of a few things, but most the papers we get are already looked at by him and then it is our chore to file them properly.  I’m very proud of what’s been accomplished there.  Usually, about once or twice a month we will take all the stacked up papers and process them.  It gives me a better understanding of some of the things that Rich has to go through and that are happening in our world.  I’m appreciative of so many less things to worry about since Rich took over my bills - especially, in regard to not spending loosely as we had been.  Yesterday, I looked at the online ban records and it was nice to see that there was money there and when I went through our charges, there really weren’t a lot of things there, and all that had been had been approved by Rich.  It seems we only have three personal things we get charged regularly.  We might have mentioned this a few days ago, but our reoccurring charge on the leisure side is the Adobe, the pottery quilt blocks, and Rhapsody music.  We haven’t got an official statement from Rich, but we had offered to drop all of these so we could make payments on the hospital bills.  Pretty much that was a total of $95 for twelve months.

We’ll have to wait and see if it was necessary.  I was serious about giving up my extras.  We talked to Linda about it and she thought we shouldn’t have to do this, but we admitted that we wanted to do our part too in making things right.  One of the calls too was to one of the credit people.  We only owed them $10, but we wanted it off our charges.  It seems now that we glanced at our ban statement; the charge for $75 was taken off too.  That was to the second credit place.  We owed them $175, so the other $100 will come out of our checking account automatically on the 5th as we volunteered to do.  By then our disability check will be in.

Hmm, that didn’t go great L  Because we figured Rich has been up for almost a half an hour and it was on our mind, we told him that our accountant had written yesterday.  He didn’t like what he heard, because we had to tell him it was going to be $210 to do my taxes.  I didn’t like that either, but it is down from the $240 he charged the last two years.  The accountant said, “I checked with Dennis and the fee would be $210.00 for the preparation of your 2012 income tax returns. However, you may not be required to file for 2012 but still may be due a refund for a possible education credit. I will take a look at everything tomorrow and let you know for sure.”  Rich was like … from everything he knew you had to make money to get a return.  We were a little frustrated and responded, ok, I’m going to tell my CPA that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about because Rich has a different idea.  Grr.  It probably wasn’t nice, but sometimes he just does so much griping about things that are beyond our control.  I told him, we were just reading what she wrote.  Then we went back to our writing.  He’s still sitting in the dark, quietly.  I know though that he thinks about how to do his day and such when he’s waking up.  He just sighed so maybe he got past some mental point of view that had been bothering him.  I wish we could make life easier for him, but really we think we are helping as best as we can – given our limited capacity to help.

Yesterday, we were the grouchy one in that we had been very ordered with our morning and we had wanted to get back to processing the house hunting however that might turn out.  Rich was sluggish in getting out the door and we were like ok, ok … you can go now.  I don’t recall what had been making me grouchy, but I think it was related to not wanting to be interrupted after I started working on the issue.  He did go and he didn’t get back until about 4:30PM.  THAT’s when I was encouraged to peel and cut four green apples because Rich said if I did, he would make the German Apple Pancakes again.  Ok, you gotta know that we are going to go for that!  We didn’t complain about that once.  Well, almost once.  For a little bit of time Rich and I were working on the same table because I was doing our part and he was looking up the recipe on his computer.  We saw that he was studying the way I was peeling apples and cutting them, and it was like, PLEASE don’t look at me.  I’m doing this the best I can, and I think I’m doing a good job, and you have to do your part and not mine.  We got a little HMPF!  From him, but mostly then the rest of the time there wasn’t any complaining.  I worry so much he’s going to turn out like his mother and we’ll be like her and Bud nitpicking each other to pieces.  We are working on it with Dr. Marvin and trying to bring the conversation home with Rich.  Right now we are focused on him yelling at us, OR raising his voice to talk to us because he’s aggravated and to us seems to be bullying us.  It’s really hard on our system.

Ok, I think the nicer Ann is out.  We just got both of us another cup of coffee.  It’s just past 6:30 AM now and Rich is thinking that he soon has to get going on something.  Usually, he starts out with his computer and checking email for business problems. 

Back again.  We waited another ten minutes with Rich discussing the difficulties of him standing up to go to work.  Pswhoo!  That was hard!  We told him we needed him to move on so we could concentrate, but then he said we were pushing him.  YEEKS!  Wrong rabbit hole on our part!  Soooo, the thing is now like yesterday we finally have a chance to think our free thoughts less interrupted by other (even if he’s our “lovely.”)

I’m not sure how the next part happened exactly, but we spent the majority of the time between 10AM to 4:30PM in our obsessive world with getting a house.  I do think we talked to Linda between 9AM and 10AM, but I don’t think we told her much at that time what was happening.  Sometime later in the day we caught her up.  It might have been closer to 7PM to 8PM.  She was busy yesterday too working on a couple real special birthday surprises.  NOOOO, I can’t tell you anything more!  I was so happy that she could get happy with us when we finally told her what was going on.

Also the other thing that happened a couple of times during the day was that we talked to Charlie the Realtor.  Actually, I think it started the night before while Rich was here.  He came in and we showed him what we had found and he immediately said, “Call Charlie,”  So that’s what we did, and the calls – two or three to him yesterday were fine-tuning that all process.  Basically, we had between us and Charlie found four properties that we were interested in.  I had found a couple and so had he.  A couple of my suggestions were passed because Charlie said they already had contracts.  That was disappointing, but not overly because there were still properties that we were interested in.  After we’d fine-tuned it to the four, we copied out the information on them from a collation of many Realtor sites.  Most the information is the same, but sometimes they will add a little more in.  Like one might have six pictures and the other 13, and some might give room sizes, and others not. 

One of the things I’d missed was that there was a property on Camden in Yorkville that Charlie and I had different information about.  Right after the last time we talked, I discovered I was talking about Unit E and he was talking about Unit D.  Pswhoo.  That’s a little bit of a mess-up.  We wouldn’t have minded E, but there was a contract on it, but we don’t like D.  It has bad paint, an unattractive front, no spindles on the stairs, small rooms and ESPECIALLY a small loft, small closets, AND the same linoleum that we’ve been staring at here in the apartment for twelve years.  BLAH!  It is true that it’s only $48,000, but I say pass.  At the time we talked, we had pushed Charlie to cancel a few of his showings.  One was for $84,900 and the second was the $95,000 that we really liked, but they were both too expensive for where we are at.  I will admit that our price range would be impossible if it were a house, but we ARE looking at condos and townhouses, so we get a little more leeway.

I teased Rich last night … he thought we had to adapt, but we were like ADAPT?!!!  We were the one who started this real estate hunt SEVERAL years ago thinking we could almost afford a $320,000 house.  TRUE that was before the bubble burst, but you get our general idea.  The bottom line was that we canceled a few properties and told Charlie we just wanted to go on two, but now this morning we are like we only want to go to one.  Fortunately, it is the showing that is at 9 AM.  The house we are looking at is 3832 Munson in Plano, IL.  In all actuality it is just four buildings down from the one we looked at and loved at $95,000 on 3706 Munson, but it is only $56,000 which is naturally 39,000 reasons to be happier.  It is a HUGE change in price drop – almost 60%.  Our house on 3832 Munson is now a HUD house and registered then as distressed.  It has only been on the market for eight days, and I went crazy thinking that it was going to be stolen from underneath me.  It is a perfect solution in that I really liked and have always liked the Ryland Homes.  I have stuck with them from the very beginning and they’ve held a certain standard for me.

We have let Rich know over the last 24 hours that our home is ready for us to put a quick bid on it.  I think he knows from previous experience that these kinds of houses don’t stay on the market for long.  I think it fits his Bohemian nature to get a house that has been foreclosed and we know that the offering price is just 32% of its original price and that the price is only $35 a square foot.  It’s a terrific bargain … REALLY Phenomenal.  We still though have to get past Rich’s mother.  I feel good enough about it sot that if it didn’t go through with her, we’d ask Rich to ask his brother for a three year loan for $18,000.  That would mean we would pay him back $500 a month for those three years, plus interest.  The house is going to cost almost $400 in taxes, but that bill will be cut almost in half ($2,000), but I don’t think it would count until next year, but that would mean paying only $2,800 for property tax or $233 instead of $400.  BUT, looking at just this year if we borrowed $18,000 from Rich’s brother, or possibly even our mother (if Rich’s mother doesn’t want to give him the $25,000) then we would be paying for the house $400 for taxes, $500 toward the loan, and another $133 for assessments, which would mean for three years we’d be paying $1033, instead of the $900 we are paying now.  Hmm, maybe a little more though because of insurance.

Ok, ok … uncle!  We just finished doing a little to get ready like steam Rich’s shirt, get dressed, and take medicine.  We’ve got about ten minutes left, but might leave any moment.  Probably then a good time to get going with this blog entry being out.  Pretty soon we’ll know our fate, right?  Please hope for the best.  I’m reminded by my mother though that it is really His will, not mine *sigh*


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

OK ... THIS IS IT ... This HAS to be OUR house!

Ok, the deal is that we gotta get on board with our life plan. What is next?

Tuesday, January 29, 2013 @ 9:14AM

Good morning – this is us.  We’ve been up for almost two hours and have spent the morning talking with either Rich or Linda.  Both of them have moved on with their day too.  We also wanted to leave a note on the day that the weather is rainy out there, but 61 degrees at the end of January.  It’s just unreal.  Soon there will be no reason for the “snowbirds” to be moving south.  We just saw a picture at Linda’s which showed too that where she lives in WI has no snow either.  It’s just pretty crazy stuff.  So far we’ve had only two days the snow stuck overnight and then it melts right away.  I’ve only had to scrape my car windows once.  Really am not going to complain about that although Rich might point out that he needs snow to help his lake water level rise.  Those kinds of problems I can’t do much with so have to just nod and move-on.

Last night we did some more on the ironing while Rich was watching TV, and then we retired early together … that’s ALWAYS nice!  Good Rich!

I don’t think we saw much in the line of TV with him.  I think his last show was downright silly and we both let it go before finishing.  I think sometimes he just needs those moments to sit in his chair and maybe even rock a little bit.  It’s good for him to get his mind off business so he can face it in the morning.  We’re leaving a note as to this morning’s business meeting with him a bit on the sorrowful side.

Basically, yesterday we had helped him by looking up some names as possible business contacts and we’d written to them through their contact forms or emails.  It was just a little bit.  We found 11 names.  The unfortunate part was that in dealing with those contacts today, Rich got mad at us because we weren’t able to put up with the negativity.  Maybe that’s not why he was raising his voice directly, but it was our take on it.  We were complaining because businesses looked for things like a FEIN number, a Dun and Bradstreet number, insurance numbers, square footage of his facility, number of employees and things that Rich had some kind of problem with or another.  It almost felt like he was killing the messenger.  I think he tries to find smaller businesses than we were finding and that was frustrating, because then he added all the little complications like time that follow-up was going to cause him and the quality of his business in that the people he has working for him in the “workshops” aren’t high enough quality or can produce as efficiently as the bigger customers need.  It was like how can we do business this way?  We need to be more solid, but then that frustrated him because he says he’s been doing his business fine for over thirty years.  But, then we were like if it is so good how come we aren’t doing better.  Basically, we’re just over the point of covering his $3000 alimony.  We’re still at that negative point that she is making more than he is as to money one or the other can count as income toward debt. 

ARGH!  I know same-o-same-o!

We couldn’t really handle helping very much before we were complaining about all the potholes he was leaving and it just didn’t make sense or feel good to us.  I have to admit too there are reasons we are on disability.  We can only handle so much frustration and then we have to find something that is calmer or more positive.  Rich’s way of looking at it is that he hasn’t ever in his life been to too many meetings where things were all positive.  Usually, he said they were fraught in problems.  Just that he seemed to have so many that it affected our positivity and then we just felt ourselves plummet toward depression.  We just wanted to hide. We just can’t afford all that … or maybe, we just need to take breaks from it.  I don’t know if we’ll be able to do any help for him today, but if not … that will be ok too.

So again … I think we have to move on right now.  Maybe a little more then we’ll stop.  I just wanted to leave a little marker as to what we had done for him.  Basically, he’d been mentioning that the person he needs to talk to in business is either the procurement guy or the purchasing guy.  So we went online to one of the career/help wanted sites.  This one happened to be “”  Then we entered in “manufacturing, purchasing-procurement, and Chicago,” and the site gave us a list of 376 jobs found.  We ended up on page 3 of 16.  Most have a company name, and from there we went to the company’s web site.  We looked for their contact information and filled in their request for information forms, or we went to their email if they listed one.  We basically put in the same email form Rich uses for business.  The longer version reads like this:

Prykop Packaging & Assembly
Brookfield IL
WE ARE A SOLUTION!   To your Packaging and Assembly needs

PP&A, a division of Prykop & Associates, has been providing job shop services to Business/Industry in necessary secondary operations for over 30 years. We offer a viable work force equipped to economically handle short, intermittent, or long-term projects on a pre-set production schedule. We accomplish this with tight supervision, quality control, efficient communication, problem-solving abilities and extra assurances of meeting the customer’s demands and needs. FDA REGISTERED

Gift Assembly            
Light Machine Work
Basket Assembly
Envelope Stuffing     
Hot Melt Gluing              
Skin Packaging
Display Packaging     
Blister Packaging          
Bin/Tub washing
Letter Addressing      
Quality Inspection     
Food Reconditioning
Poster Rolling
Shrink Wrapping       
Sample Kits                    
Retail Packaging
Weight Counting            

PPA is located within easy access of the highway network in several areas throughout the Chicago land Area, with a strong and flexible work force, Free cost and time estimates are provided. Please contact us for more information at 312-907-0071 or by e mail.

Rich Prykop

And, the shorter version looks like this:

Prykop Packaging & Assembly - Brookfield IL
WE ARE A SOLUTION!   To your Packaging and Assembly needs

PP&A, a division of Prykop & Associates, has been providing job shop services to Business/Industry in necessary secondary operations for over 30 years. We offer a viable work force equipped to economically handle short, intermittent, or long-term projects on a pre-set production schedule. We accomplish this with tight supervision, quality control, efficient communication, problem-solving abilities and extra assurances of meeting the customer’s demands and needs. FDA REGISTERED

PPA is located within easy access of the highway network in several areas throughout the Chicago land Area, with a strong and flexible work force, free cost and time estimates are provided. Please contact us for more information at 312-907-0071 or by e mail.

Rich Prykop

So then, after we emailed or sent through contact information, we opened our spreadsheet and placed in their contact information, which we were mailing it too as to job title, and then we went back to the site and added a little information about the company such as:

“About Us - WESCO Integrated Supply Powered by Bruckner (WIS) is a leading outsource company for indirect materials and supply chain services. We provide procurement services, supplier relationship management, storeroom programs, e-Procurement tools, savings programs, and transaction management. Our programs are tailored to meet specific customer needs. Our customers are leading global manufacturers. Our core competencies integrate commodity management, technology, cost saving programs and cost-efficient supply chain processes. Our people are the cornerstone for achieving performance. WIS provides flexible solutions to meet complex needs. We work closely with customers to design, plan, and implement cost effective programs, that deliver year-over-year value. WIS today is part of Wesco International, a leading distributor for electrical supplies, datacomm products and industrial automation equipment.”

And, then we sent the spreadsheet with contact information to Rich, so that if these companies called or wrote back, he would know how to handle them.  It took a while to do this, but today there is some more stuff that has to happen, just we can’t do it right now or I’m pretty sure we would go crazy.  We can only handle so much at a time.  Right now Rich is dressed and is ready to leave the house in twenty minutes.  He is talking to Bob on the phone because his game schedule is conflicting with the card schedule Bob is calling about.  Then I think he’s going to clean-up in back and then go out.  We were just in the part about discussing when and where he is going to be today.  Ok, good we’re brought up to date.  He is leaving by 10:15AM, going to see a customer, then see his mother, then he has to go to a game, and then he will be home by about 7 PM.  BUT, he just remembered that he didn’t do anything for dinner tonight.  I keep telling him I can handle it, but he doesn’t want to pay attention. 

Yeeks … he just showed me the frozen dinner I’m supposed to make.  I’m PRETTY sure that’s not going to happen, but I’m not going to tell him that.  I will just have some soup tonight.  Usually, that gets opened and eaten straight from the can.  Cooking is TOOOO hard for us and right now our frustration level is still high AND we’ll be seeing Dr. Marvin tonight so coming home too late.  We might also stop by for a sandwich.  We’ll have to see.  The house feels like too much pressure right now, because he can and will most likely interrupt my writing to tell me something or another.  Like this morning we wanted to put lotion on my feet and we rebel because we don’t like hand lotion.  *Sigh* Blah Humbug!

Just feeling so much grouchy right now … maybe we’re not over the meeting we had with Rich this morning.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to go away.  Now he’s calling someone.  I just want things peaceful again.  He’s checking his poker night game with the officials. 

Cats like it outside.  We opened the door when Rich was in the shower.  He was too cold and we are too hot.  They love it.  I don’t remember the last time they were out.  They are playing games with each other. 

Oh Lordy, we have a bad face on.  It’s now 10:20 AM and Rich is ALMOST out the door … he was doing calls and business in the living room, and then because he’s Rich’s he does things that are interruptive to our thinking like telling us to put the peanut butter away.  We just get in a frustrated space of hoping that he LEAVES!  We don’t mean to be so grouchy, but we’ve got to be able to settle down.  Maybe if I think REAL patiently.  Now he’s putsying in the kitchen.  We hear his jacket swishing.  Now he says he’s going and has the garbage and now?  Pswhoo!  The door finally shut.  We had said good-bye one last time and then we apologized and told him that we love him WHICH we do!  But, we confessed that our mind is being irritable.  He let us know that he wishes a calmer day for us.  We hope so too.  Just feel like the brain melt problem we have periodically where our eyebrows are squinted-up.

I know we took our medicine, maybe we’ll pick-up a little around the desk, use the washroom, get something to drink, and then maybe take one extra anxiety pill.  I HATE feeling like this and I know it goes to the hopeless feelings.  We told Rich while he was still in the living room that we were having problems and that they might have originated in his business meeting, but Rich being the person that he is … just said, “I’m not going to accept that.”  Then we said, “Fine, BUT WE accept it!”  Just so much negativity I can handle at one time and this one seems to have caught us by surprise.  BLAH!

Ok, ok … it’s a different ballgame.  It seems like a couple of hours have gone by.  It is now 12:20 PM.  We’ve been communicating with a few others and we’re definitely much more balanced feeling than before.  I think it started with taking the extra medicine to calm us down.  We had already talked to Linda, but then we gave her a few more notes.  We talked to CS in message, and all that seems good.  We figured out the birthday present since the dinner there didn’t get accomplished, and she talked about having some extra fabric she is having trouble finding a space for.  It is the OLD stuff, but sometimes it’s the BEST stuff, because it has no expectations yet on it.  WooHOO!!!  We also talked in message to Linda from Las Vegas.  She turns out to be in WI and we’re hoping she has a few free days to either stay with us or MINIMIALLY, is able to meet our sewing group.  She is familiar with 5 out of the six of us and there won’t be any trouble meeting Emily, because they are all connected through Ann’s quilt store.  We let CS and Linda know that we are inviting her, but will wait to see what she says before communicating to all.  Last time it was good and I don’t expect much different.  If she does come we’ll let her know that we’re celebrating linda, CS and Emily’s birthdays … that’s an extra fun part!  LV Linda doesn’t have a birthday until May so we’re all good there.

Joe had the most exciting news, but we’re going to wait a day or two on that until he makes an official announcement.  Good stuff there too!  AND, we’re getting a lunch out with him toward where he works in Schaumburg Friday afternoon.  WOOHOO!!!

 Wow!  So we’re feeling pretty good and in touch with people again.  We have a pretty small world and we like to know how it’s turning.  We also got a communication back from our accountant and she’s saying that the government appears to be allowing for taxes to be sent in about January 30th.  So that’s not too bad, it is only tomorrow.  It sounds like she has all the information she needs to complete them and is willing to ask her father about the fee.  Most likely it won’t change, but it really is an expense to have them doing the work.  We might have to switch back to H&R, but we’re thinking they would cost about the same.  It’s just  expensive to have taxes done, especially since I don’t think mine take any longer than ten to fifteen minutes.

Also while Rich was here, he signed some papers for our school loan and we talked over a few things.  We are going to take it to Dr. Marvin next and see what he has to say.  We need to remember too to write in our driver’s license on something.  That was down in the car when we did the forms, but I think at this next point, everything will be able to be sent out through Dr. Marvin’s office.  We’ll have to talk it over with him, and I’m not sure if there will be much time for anything else.  We’re still waiting on the bank and the medical place to withdraw the $75 we had spent last week in trying to work through issues on our credit report.  My account still shows that it hasn’t been removed, but we’re watching it carefully because after it is taken out there will only be $28.91.  We told Rich that that was the status of our account last week, but he hasn’t put the money in it to balance the account.  We’re hoping none of the incidentals will show-up and put us overdrawn, because this is something that can be fixed ahead of time.  Grrrr…
Shoot shoot!  We have to take out another $8.25 tonight for Dr. Marvin’s parking … that will bring the account to just over $20.  It looks like the other things have been taken out this month, and it should be ok until we get the disability check, but we need to be careful because we had written-out an additional $100 to finish paying the medical account.  In exchange the guy said it wouldn’t go on our credit report.  That be something at least.

Ok, starting to feel that tension again with having too much on our responsibility plate.  It is only 14 minutes from taking my afternoon medicine so maybe we will do that next.  We had some popcorn already so we’re good on food.  Ok, girls lets do that and try to calm down again, right?

DONE!  And, we also talked to Rich.  We wanted to tell him about Joe’s news and we wanted to know if he was going to be around on Saturday and if we couldn’t invite Thom over.  That be like a nice thing J  We had Maury over yesterday afternoon for lunch and we had a pretty good set of conversations, though there are problems we can’t talk about that are really on his nerves.  We’re hoping the best for him, but am afraid that it might get worse than getting better.  There were a couple other REALLY SMALL, but IMPORTANT things that happened while he was here.  He fixed the back TV for Rich – because it had gotten on the wrong setting, and then he helped me by getting the printer connected right again.  It was the same kind of thing where something had to be looked at and switched.  I think he updated a printer driver, and I had thought I’d done the same, but his way worked and that was a reason all on its own to celebrate.

I should probably think over a few more things since I don’t think I’ve written much since Saturday when we were going over our note to Rich or we haven’t done any free writing since Friday.  That is when we’d gotten the bug trying to fix things in our credit report.  As to an update AND from what we remember … we went to a show with Rich on Saturday.  I think we left a video of it.  It was called, “Silver Linings Playbook.”  I liked it a real lot.  It had to do with a guy who had OCD who had just gotten out of the hospital and his problems and of course another girl is met and she has MI problems to as does Dinero the guy’s father.  Maury knew how the main actors were as to show they’d last been in, but they were new to me and very likable.  It was a happy ending story and was in general just nice to be able to think of other kinds of thoughts as pertain to MI than is normally put-out there.  I think they did it really good, in that people with MI DO have differences, but we’re trying to get through life too and it is not without some stress.

We had used the tickets that we hadn’t used from last Mother’s Day.  Maury was saying that we must not love him and I know he’s teasing, but he knows some part of us feel bad too.  That’s not such a good thing. 

I think that Rich went out to games on both Saturday and Sunday.  We seem to have done some reading of our edits and we have been doing some work with the scraps.  That is the majority of the news.  We’re still talking to Linda most days, but sometimes less than more.

There is one more thing we are remembering now from later last week.  We had been writing and hadn’t really discussed the stuff that we were going through with Dr. M.  I’m sure we’re not going to remember a lot now, but it had to do with being on disability and thinking that we are such a disappointment as to being able to do things in spite of our disability.  There were times we’d been working or at school and I thought that those times he might be prouder because he’s always worn such a big smile about it.  But, it seems now that just getting out of the house is a big deal.  Like waiting to go out to the movies from May to January – that is at least eight months we didn’t feel like seeing an out of house movie.  Rich is trying to get us a little more interested in them because he renegotiated our Comcast for less money AND for more movies, but we’re still having trouble concentrating on that sort of thing.

We did watch a movie, I think on Sunday night when Rich was out called, “Margaret.”  That was a movie about a girl who had a part in an accident that killed a woman.  I liked that movie too and it really helped to be working on the scraps at the same time.  Rich wasn’t so happy when he got home and had to finish off the movie, but he made it.  He said that was the type of movie that he’d be REQUIRED to watch in high school.  Hehehe our guy is a little more toward action than chick flick.  He walked in and said, do you want me to change this … as if I hadn’t deliberately turned the show on.  And, it was like HEY!  I was watching that!  He’s just not used to me taking so much command over the TV.  Well, HE’s the one that wanted me more interested in the world.

As to Dr. Marvin again.  And, please don’t ask why this is so hard to talk about.  I wouldn’t be able to answer, but in general Dr. Marvin wasn’t going to give up on us and he talked about one of his biggest factors in knowing if he were successful was by how happy a person was.  I think he’s been watching us carefully trying to find a life balance for ourselves where we aren’t overwhelmed by life and all the negative things happening there.  Most likely, we’ll have to talk about trying to help Rich and what a bad experience that was, but we’re thinking we don’t really want to bother that much with it.  We’ll have to try again looking up companies, but we ok … this part is going to need going through Dr. Marvin, but we need to be able to cope better with stress and frustration.  That would be something we’re not very happy about.  I think we were in a complex situation with Dr. Marvin.  We needed to hear that we weren’t a waste.  Our sense of worth wasn’t very good thinking about dropping out of school for good, because it had been such an important goal for us.  We don’t believe in ourselves though and that’s a lot to contend with.  We need to be able to establish goals and keep up with them without getting shuffled because we’re under another or another emotional dilemma.  Just Rich yelling out loud this morning as he was talking over his version of the meeting was too much and we basically start shaking like a leaf.  I know that Dr. Marvin has been working with us for so long, but still it’s not fair that we are left with so many problems after all his work with us. 

That’s the kind of thing that we were feeling bad about with him.  It just hadn’t made sense.  We were feeling very apologetic for wasting so much of his time.  I could take an educated guess that Dr. Marvin would try to improve those sets of thoughts, and I think he did at the moment enough to give us the security of thinking he wasn’t going to give up on us.  Just we can’t get over what we feel like as to being a disappointment to him.  I think he reminded us that we were doing some of the forward direction stuff because it was something that we had wanted and that was good for us, but we wanted him to be proud of us too.  Even intellectually, we have not given him very much to go on.

Now when I say, well at least we’re writing more books, it’s put side by side with the other thoughts, and we think … could this be something we’re just working on for the moment, before we put it aside and try something else too?  It seems like writing is our go-to project, but it’s been put-off multiple times as we’ve tried other avenues.  Will we still be able to keep it up?  Even saying that though, we know that our minds think and we need an avenue to express ourselves, so even if the books weren’t publishable, we’d still probably be doing this, because like Dr. Marvin, this part seems to be helping our head cope. 

Our horoscope said something about writing out lists and following them today and then posting the lists.  I’m thinking of that right now as a direction.  There have been a few things we’ve been curious about over the last several weeks.  It seems that certain parts have tried to be more structured and organized, and then we as a whole somehow mess that up.  We are thinking now of there being a few things we want to check out.  A couple of them are on the phone, and then most likely on the computer, and then we wanted to find that thing we were doing before as a school, but we have no idea how to remember what and where that project was.  I suppose for the first instance though we could open-up our phone and catch the icons for those programs.  And, then we also want to note that we have something going on with Google, Outlook and the phone’s calendar so that might also show a bit of our past coordinating.  I think that one of the new icons or other might be connected there.  I’m also thinking now that there was some connection to all the new things with getting Evernote, Diigo, and Dropbox in order.  I would like to say that we’ve been making some progress with Dropbox.  It seems that our camera is now downloading to it so we are adjusting to opening it from our left sidebar when we go to open or save something.  We also know where it appears in our picture library, and we were glad that it was used just the other day by Thom. 

Basically, we’d sent him the link like to a few other people when the possibility of buying the house was still real.  It had like 167 pictures of EVERYthing from online and through our last walk through.  What we had noticed this last couple of days is that Thom went back to the link and did the little mickymousing around that allowed him to see the pictures.  Thom knows that getting a house is a big deal for us and I was proud that he shared our dreams with us by looking at the pictures.  All that was able to be done because of Dropbox.  So that made us feel good.  I’m not sure why after so much time we can’t organize our minds to work better together.  I would like to get to the point that if it went through our brain, we would be able to recall that information.  Times like now are tough to get back to things that were really interesting to us before, because we lose our mental links or signposts. 

We’ve been trying to think of the school connection to our online course.  Maybe first though we’ll look at the first couple of links we know how to get to.  Ok, good.  One is called Springpad, and the other is called Astrid.  I think they have something to do with ordering time or space, but we’re going to click now on that and see what we are able to recall.

Hmm, one seems to be (Astrid) a kind of task list and the other (Springpad) seems to be kind of a place to organize thoughts and ideas.  Maybe we’ll go find the online copy.  We’re pretty sure most of the stuff we connect to on the phone has an online site too.  Maybe it will help to get a bigger picture.  We don’t seem to have much information on file on the phone version yet, so we’re unsure how far we really got into those sets of thinking.  I was right though in that they seem to connect through Google, Android and Outlook.  Let me try one more time trying to figure out what that school course was.  That one is giving us the most mental problems.  Where do I look?

Oh My GOSH we found it!  The name of the program we’d been working on was called Canvas at

We went through about a half an hour trying to trace it down.  We had no idea of what month it had come up under, but we tracked down month after month on our blog until the name came up as a LMS … and SCORM  and Adobe that was a clue right after MOOC … we’d traced down those names by going through the aol mail for schools or courses.  Each step seemed to be just a little closer to what we were looking for.  I’m thinking now we’re just going to glance over that for a few moments.  We need to take our shower in ten minutes so we can leave here at 3PM to see Dr. Marvin.  Maybe he will be glad for us too to reconnect to this old information and maybe through that to the parts who had been working so hard on it.  I’m going to try though for a sec to just trace down a few changes that have come up to figure out where our minds focus took us.  We traced down the name of canvas to the first couple days of November about the time of Maury’s birthday.  So that’s step one

Ok, after Maury’s birthday and we’d found that Rich went fishing and we’d updated our intro to include Content DID 101 as including links to an opening page to our blog “About us” section and the “About Others in our Life” sections.  After that – about the 15th, we had gotten back from the quilting retreat.  That had had its good and bad, but for the most part we made a firm distinction between what we would and would not do with Ann and the Quilted Basket.  About then we were starting to get into the Christmas quilting projects.  Seems about in there sometime there were some problem thoughts about our Grandfather.  Maybe we can run this over with Dr. M.  We might have been planning by then to have the twins over early December. It seemed we had a good Thanksgiving and we started thinking about houses again through Rich’s Mom’s friend Pat.  The kids all coming over was a great success, and we were looking at applique.  So then, the twins came over, and then we made Rich’s boat applique for his birthday.  Somewhere into all this with the tree up we brought the ironing board into the living room and started working on scrap fabrics.  Appointments with Dr. Marvin became scattered.  It appeared that it was back to December 9th that we had been first writing about Astrid and Springboard.  I can’t believe we’ve left that for so long.  We must have gotten into Christmas shopping, because we came up to the parts of ordering our fabric palette and the 10 drawer cabinet.  We must have made the definite transition from computer work to sewing work.  The next thing was that Rich brought up a house because it got us to be looking at a place in Plano.  It had the 2 bedrooms upstairs and a nice loft, but wasn’t going to end up being useable by Rich’s mother.  It was for the record a $95,000 house.  Looking at it now – it has been for sale for 180+ days.

Hmm, just a thought here, but I wonder … I wonder if Rich … Hmm, call mike dote 847-772-8409  from Platinum recommended by Heidi Bobier at Ryland.  Ask about taking out a small loan through their Portfolio program.  Here we go again … (See December 16, 2012 post).


Saturday, January 26, 2013

Please Don't be Mad at Us :(

Dear Rich,

I don't want you to be mad at us, but we have been dealing with our finances for the last couple of days.  i wanted to let you know what we've been up to.  At the top of the story, I want to tell you that I believe we can clear $92,000 of debt over the course of four years.  Just listen patiently, kk?

To start with a few highlights... this worrying over our credit and debt/income ratio for the house has played a number on our head.  The first thing we did was start to take care of the school loan exit interview from Jones.  I believe we've talked a little about this.  We need that paperwork to be finished (may need your help) so that this other stuff can be put in motion.  From looking at that paperwork, I called the Department of Education Ombudsman.  Their best advice was to get the school or you to help do this paperwork, and then call the school loans place and ask for a total and permanent disability (TPD) release of debt payment.  After getting underway we found we have three school loans.  ACS is $34,726.41, Great Lakes is $21,870.45, and Nelnet is $15,821.37.  It totals to $72,418.23.  

The TPD is the secret to disposing of the $72,418.23.  It is a three year process, but from what I read today, who I've talked to from the loan places, and Dr. Marvin, nobody seems to think I will have a problem getting it, especially, because I've already been approved for federal disability.  We will start looking at the paperwork over the weekend.  (Jade is tomorrow at 10:30 AM, so we'll leave here about 9:30AM and get back here around 12:30-1 PM.  We're yours for the rest of the day.  There is also a matter of Prudential calling us this afternoon to schedule an appointment ... are we getting life insurance?  We need to go over your schedule so we can commit to some time for that. There is some documentation I'll have to do for the school loans, and Dr. Marvin will have a component he will have to do.  Hopefully, then we'll be approved.  There is also paperwork for a kind of deferment with all three loans so that I should have to pay zero dollars while the process of this three year thing is going through.  They want to make sure we stay disabled.  We're also making sure your on the general list for all so that you can step in and ask questions of them at any time in the process.  That was for our own well-being.  The bottom line is that if everything works out we should owe nothing in three years time.

The next thing we thought of doing was to get our credit report.  This was done - though it cost $1.  A copy of that is in the attachment.  Also, in the attachments are a tablecloth I want - it's vinyl like the last one for $27 (including shipping).  We can take our time in getting that, but want it sooner than later so we can have Thom over for dinner. NO work on it!  Who knows?  Maybe something of having kids for Easter too.  The last page/attachment is our 30 some page credit report as just mentioned and the middle two pages are my summary of the credit report and the TOTALS we owe to clear our credit.  

We should do that next to clear the path of thoughts.  Going to the second page - about 1/3 down ... we get to the "Actual Debt."  The first amount $2,320.00 is the amount I'm still trying to clear up between Dr. Marvin's billing and Medicaid.  It is the amount due for Dr. Marvin in June of 2012 ... and we definitely met our spend down so should balance out to zero.  We had written a note about it to the medicaid lady and asked her to call us when the last billing went out, but it's still in process.

The next amount is the amount that we owe Medical Business Bureau (MBB).  This came down a lot since we got Medicaid, but it IS our balance.  Our payments of it will get recorded with the Medicaid stuff toward spenddown which should help us stay ahead of the cards, so we can use Medicaid for medicine.  On the very bottom i noted that I want to pay them $95 a month for one year, and then we will have worked the debt down to zero.  To do this, I am willing to cancel the pottery quilts ($34.90), cancel my adobe ($31.86), and cancel my rhapsody ($14.99) which totals $81.75 of the $95.  I would like as a gift ... if I get the medical bill paid for MBB in one year, the permission to complete the quilt package, get the Adobe again, and get the rhapsody again.  AFTER one year and the other payment is complete.  I'm not sure if I could get the Adobe for that price because I won't be a student, but we'll worry about that then when the time comes.  Basically, it means in one year I want permission to spend up to $100 a month on auto-STUFF. :)

Ok, the next part, you are not going to like.  I made arrangements to pay $10 to clear my account with Souma Diagnostics ... they weren't in the office, but we left a message.  In a few days it is going to collection and we're trying extremely hard to clear our debt collection problems.  Please understand this ... it isn't a loss to you, it is a gain for both of us.  We're fighting windmills with you here.  The second thing which might frustrate you more, is that we owe La Grange Hospital $175 and this has been going on WAY TOO LONG.  I'm putting my foot down.  I paid them out of my checking account today $75 (I have like $108 in the account) and I prepaid them for February 5th the amount of $100.  I have $2400some in my other account and I'd like you to put that ($175) back in my checking account from my second account.  I know you are going to yell, but if I go through all this work to relieve $92,000 and you are having problems with a mere $200 appx., then we might as well stop our financial working together.  It has to be some compromise.  I believe that I am doing enough work with these financial matters to beg some assisted thinking here.  Please let go of the money and let's move on.  Please don't yell at me about this.  I'm not willing to argue.  It's a done deal.

Ok, the money left from paying off school loans in three years, the money paid to correct the June, 2012 billing between UIC and Medicaid, comes to $74,738.23 that we never have to exchange a dollar for.  Please be appreciative none of this is magic.  The $175, the $10 and the $1,137.59 is going to Medical will be worked through the hard way ... we have to pay them out of what we earn. After Feb 5th the $185 will be completely paid, and in twelve months at $95 the MBB will be paid, soooo we won't have any more medical bills.  It should be good there with everything going to Medicaid. And then, ALL our medical expenses should be at zero.  

The only debt remaining on the credit report at that time, will be the $16,020 that I still owe on my car.  There are 47 months (just shy of 4 years) to pay it at $345 a month.  This is why I say that we can completely get that $92,000 to zero in four years.  Again, medical is done in one year, School loans are done in 3 years and in 4 years we will be done with the car payment.  If we continue driving the car as we are presently, in four more years (2017) we will have a five year old car, we owe nothing on it, and it won't have much more than 27,500 miles on it.  I rate that at the present 1 year=5,500 miles x 5 years = 27,500.  We are really running sweetly and have no doubt the car will be fantastic for many years past that.  

I've searched over and over again through the credit report.  We don't owe ANYTHING past these amounts.  In the process I found that one of my credit scores was 730 and the three total averaged 675.  We're doing so much better in life since you took over the bills!  Matter of fact the report said that our payment history is 100%.  I've got you to be proud of for that.  It also said that my debt/credit ratio was 34%  It means even with my low income and credit history I'm doing better than you in that area.  I think you were closer to 75%.  I want to help you to do better with sales and so maybe then we get you down to a reasonable number too.  We can do this sweetie!

Ok, now if you aren't lying on the floor by now, I want to pass on one more thing.  Tonight the accountant sent us some "stuff" so we could get taxes reported.  SOOOO, tonight I finished everything I needed to do for taxes and I sent it in.  Yup yup ... taxes are done for me for the year.  I didn't pay in, so I don't expect anything back, but it was a process that had to be completed anyway, especially with accounting for school.

OK ... AGAIN.  I think anyone that could wipe out $92,000 of debt in 2-3 days AND do her taxes shouldn't be YELLED AT.  I've been working very hard to be my fair share in this partnership.  SOOOO please go tell Ann with a kiss that she's done good!  PLEASE!!?????  I'm still looking to be that trophy girlfriend. :) :)

I love you,