Saturday, January 12, 2013 @ 8:06 AM
Good- good … we’re back again … and STILL working through the part where we take a look through the rooms at a writing level. I think it has been now five days since we’ve been saying that. We have put in good efforts on writing, but there is so many little things that come up in-between that we really have to step back, examine each one and then progress that one thing or one day at a time. I really believe it is a process and that with more people involved, it is bound to take up some time to get through it.
Yesterday as we’d written something about, Rich’s mother got cold feet as to letting the money go for the house – through the brother’s inheritance. That had made Rich’s blood temperature sky rocket and he came home hurt, angry, frustrated and willing to give up. But, we figured that it was his emotions acting out through the negatives so we’ve been working with him since on that. Fortunately, he has had some distractions. The first was that he only had an hour or less to go through it and then he had a couple of basketball games. Then when he got home … I think there was a little more discussion, but basically – we went through some other things like discussion of what’s been happening for CS. There was a little on the other, but mostly me checking out where he was at with it. We try to impress some of the things to get him to understand his mother’s perspective and what she might be going through and how we might help her through it. He’d been so angry he was like thinking that he wouldn’t go out there for about a week. But, that would just add to the thoughts that they could each manipulate each other’s bad behaviors through acting out – unsupportively.
I don’t want to come in here as if we have all the answers, because we don’t, but we’re more willing to think that we can step in and help both get through this … in that we’ve got as much riding on this as them, but we have the support of our writing which gives us time to think about things, and we’ve got Dr. Marvin in our corner. This last time we talked about some of the problems with alcoholism and how it affects the mind. She’s really not working on reality, but kind of an image that is drug induced. It has to be dealt with and if we’re going to want to live with each other … this situation of stress is just one day of learning to handle those kinds of situations.
This morning I woke up at 2 AM, but within about 15 minutes Rich was up to use the washroom and he kindly suggested that I not mess up our sleep for the weekend and come back to bed with him. As always Rich is the one to volunteer his services in getting his back rubbed so I can calm down and fall asleep. BINGO! It worked again last night and I slept the rest of the night through until 7 AM. When I’d woken-up Rich had already been up for about an hour and he was very into watching his fishy shows … I know he has to relax and that is how he does it. So we let the first half hour slide past where we just stayed quiet and listened with him. And, then we started interjecting a little conversation. There wasn’t very much because he had to be getting ready to leave within that half hour, but we did a check and balance to see how he was doing processing things. We focused then on him thinking of everything going on as a negative and impossible, and he seemed to go with that … in that we were teasing him of all the negative thoughts he was having. I think the funniest one was that while I was taking my medicine one fell on the ground, and he jumped with a big “Oh-No!” We said dear … this is what we’re talking about … picking a medicine up off the floor is a little thing … it’s not a catastrophe. Hmm?
He was able to smile and then took more relaxed the next series of about a half dozen things he next jumped to from the negative. It became kind of a game and we were being calm and patient with him. He’s such a good guy in life, but taking on his mother’s fears is hard … and especially hard because the two of us have so much riding on it. We continued to add little thoughts on things that had to be calmly talked to with his mother. We reminded him of his last time there with us where he was talking to her collaboratively saying things like, “Mom, we have to be smart about this.” At the time she was listening and doing her best. And, things were working. But, one of the problems is that Rich has been banking on the negative of her remembering how bad things have gotten with Bud. We asked him to think of processing not that negative, but how good things would be living with us and being in a new home environment. I’ve thought through since the beginning that we should work with the two of them in continuing their life together, just that we need to work on them getting more support from Rich and us and Bud’s family so that the love can have room to be together, but some of the treacherous taking care of each other and continuing that amount of stress they carry in the griping to each other would get better. We really ultimately believe we can improve the quality of life for both of them.
I also think that Rich would be much better off being in a situation where he can help his mother on a day to day basis instead of going out there to resolve emergency anger issues that his Mom and Bud are having – and especially for his mother how her alcoholism affects their relating along with both of their being very stubborn hurtful people. I really think it is a form of abuse what they do to each other and I see the reactions she had yesterday with Rich being a part of that use and abuse of each other’s power battles. I think his mother needs to relearn that she has a voice, but that it can work in harmony with each other. I think a lot of damage too has been done in that she hasn’t had someone reasonable to talk to daily so that a lot of her negatives get built up until she’s feeling trapped and hopeless. I really think we can help with all that in providing a stable environment and learning to live with each other as two women can in the same house. I’m not pretending that we would be without our frustrations and drama, but I so much believe that we can deal with it much better with our supports than is happening now between her, Bud, and Bud’s family. I so much want this to happen.
Plus, there is the other things involved in that yes, we really do want a house and the security that Rich and I would have in having a place if one or the other didn’t make it. I don’t want to be fatalistic and think only if Rich were gone, but the truth be told, I would much rather be in a situation where in 3-5 years the house was paid and that Rich could live more toward his retirement where he’d be doing some things or another toward work to keep him busy, but the pressures of having to pay rent or mortgage would be much lessened. I really do think too that Rich’s mother might live a long time or she might die in a few years. BUT, I know that Rich is terribly dedicated to his mother, and I think that it would be a very big deal for him to improve the quality of her life … and it would be substantial. Ok, there’s probably a million good things about this deal, but there is one thing that we have to get over for the present and that is in securing the house.
Over the last 24 hours, there has been a new push. Our initial offer didn’t go through, but now they are countering us, and we need to counter them back. As stated yesterday Charlie called them and made sure they understood that we would need a few more days to work through financing on our own. The sellers don’t need to hear all our problems in dealing with Rich’s Mom and her alcoholism and thoughts produced there. We feel good in them knowing that this is a process and we need a little time to pull it together.
There is still the problem that there is not much time that we’ll have this open window before we risk losing it. We don’t know how long the people will wait for us and that someone else could be waiting around the corner. It would crush me to lose this place, because I believe so much in it and that it should be ours. I know there are a lot of other peoples’ variables and I’m bringing the least amount of dollars to the table. But, I’m bringing a lot more in that I am willing to share my day to day life EVERY day for the rest of all our lives to be living with this one other person that we already know to be very difficult. I think it is a sacrifice especially because I will be sharing my time with my lover to someone that is going to be sleeping 15-20 feet from us every night. I’m willing to make this sacrifice because there are so many worthwhile things happening even beyond me getting the security of having a home, but believe me … that is there too!
Ok, so then where are we going with this next? Because Ann is on a streak with the horoscopes we figure we better take a look at that now … Hmm? *giggle* Yep-yep … you got it … remembering that I am Cancer and Rich is Sagittarius.
Cancer Jan 12 2013
Are you feeling lucky, Moonchild? Since you've suffered more than your fair share of difficulties lately, you may be feeling more unlucky than lucky, but events of the next few hours or days should change all that. The universe is working in your favor, and you must also have a guardian angel or two summoning up bright blessings for you, because your world is about to get so much better! Think in terms of greater prosperity, creative fulfillment, and even a bit of fame, perhaps. It may seem too good to be true - but it's true!
Sagittarius Jan 12 2013
What is the meaning of life, Sagittarius? Don't you know? If you've been meaning to look into it, this is an excellent time to do so. In fact, there are opportunities now for you to get in touch with your higher self, and to figure out your purpose here on planet earth. There is some mission or some higher calling that you are meant to fulfill, and so far you haven't even thought of it. But if you have the feeling that you're missing something, then go in search of it now. Just listen to your inner voice, and you'll figure out what you're meant to do.
Ok, ok … good-good. I think we can work with this today J I am feeling lucky though the situation has been difficult … I love the part where in the next few hours or days we are going to get very lucky. You know what we’re thinking here. Not only will Rich’s Mom get over the latest quagmire, but we’re thinking that the offer and contract is going to go through. That would be the luckiest thing of all. The next thing would be to close in about a month … and most optimistically by February 14th. That is our true goal! You might have heard our take on that, but pretty much we want to celebrate Valentine’s Day for the rest of our life where we just purchased and closed on Rich and our “Forever House!” It will be forever for Rich’s Mom too, but you’ve heard us moving all along that we still believe there is love between Rich’s Mom and Bud … just that they are having behavioral issues that make it impossible for them to live together amiably in the other’s best interest. Still think they will maintain a relationship, but there will be less pressure and they will learn to see each other more appreciatively and in each other’s best light. I truly believe in this. I really, really want our life to get much better and I’m willing to think that it will happen with Rich and us contributing to his mother’s and Bud’s best behalf. Plus, again gaining the security that Rich and I will each have a place to live if something happened to one or the other - the world IS going to be better! And, I can’t say enough what it would feel like in being able to pay for our full home in about 3-5 years. It’s so optimal and incredible it is hard to believe. But, I do believe it is going to happen.
I think as far as being more prosperous, fulfilling creatively and bringing a bit of fame – I go back to some of my pursuits. I really would like to get back to the part where we are learning from the multiples’ blogs, but then too there are also the lifelong challenges of writing and in being creative with our quilting. Those are really the three top most goals in our life. We will still have to discuss later the educational side, but we’re not ready to do that yet. I don’t know if it’s been as strong a feeling to be teaching about multiplicity through the degree … I don’t know where those thoughts have gone, but we do know that we’re worrying about having to pay the school loan. I know that is coming up then sooner than later. Just right now too much to deal with. The strongest thing I can say there is that they can’t take more than we can afford … and the bottom line is that we only make $1,445. I think that’s about it. I will have to re-fix on a number but basically the $1,421 went up a few dollars in January.
AHA! Just checked and it is $1,445 exactly. Good to know. It means we got a .98% increase. Not much, but at least not less, right?
Hmm, just checked FB and CS clipped a cartoon about 20 minutes ago, and it is just past 9 AM now. We are really going to be interested to know if she is going to MN with her husband, or she is going to make him do it alone. It’s really not my business to say, just we’d be so much happier if she were directly supporting her husband. C’mon CS … you can do it!
I’m thinking as to the school? We left it so that we had resources in Amazon books purchased and not purchased so that if we wanted we could still learn what we wanted to learn through their program. There are other complications in that as positive as we are … We’re not happy with our ability to be working straight through issues that are challenging to us. We still fight on a day to day basis about getting our basic tasks done like dishes, laundry, vacuuming and making the bed. I don’t know why this should be so hard, though I know that our multiplicity affects it as does our physical situation. When we think of school we know we are still battling psychological issues in being able to continue things when they get hard. I think that a lot has been lost in holding onto St. Rose for such a long defeatist time. Maybe even without it we’d lack the ability to psychologically work our way through it. It’s been a while now since trying to figure out what happened this last time. I just know we are working from the disabled position in not being able to hold on or follow through with what has to happen on a day to day level. If anything in life – that is where we suffer most … believing that we can do something on time. School and work has to be on time in that we progress daily without giving up or into the parts. Just haven’t figured out a way to do it.
The area that we still remain most successful in is writing and in working through the quilting – secondarily. It seems to have been a good December, but it’s been about a month since we’ve done anything but the ironing, but with the ironing we’re considering that a success. We still enjoy it and have confidence in it that we can achieve some regularity in just turning on the iron and going through the pieces in front of us. It’s more helpful when Rich is around and he’s home at a normal schedule, but we’re working on it. Without thinking through it so much, I think that we are onto something as to Annemarie being involved and building up her confidence. We think she has a majority say-so in what gets done physically or not … and we just know that she can’t keep up with school and most likely that is going to be a life-long problem.
We are able to think more optimistically that our true potential over the next few years is to be learning to take care of ourselves AND Rich and his mother – to the best ability we can contribute. We still believe that we can learn a lot from that situation, and though the privacy is not quite there, we believe that her life and us writing about it as to the effect on our life is an advancement in the life story we are putting out there with the writing. There was a question asked to Rich the other day on the ride home from his Mother’s. Basically, we said that we have a very worthwhile life, but would it be even more worthwhile if we were able to help his mother. He answered yes. Maybe it wouldn’t be a gigantic leap in only taking care of one person more than not, but maybe because we still write, we are opening our life-lesson to many more and that’s how we’ll contribute to life. I honestly believe that living with his mother will be a positive in our life adventure. And, surprisingly enough … we’re looking forward to sharing day to day life with her. We imagine a lot of days where she’s sitting in the kitchen and we’re sitting in the family room just past her and that there will be times we talk and times we don’t talk … and times where she’ll be engrossed in the TV and times where we’ll be engrossed with our music. BUT, I think living a life with someone special is like one of the most beautiful experiences we are allowed to live in this world.
I’m probably getting a little sappy, but we are feeling good as to each other contributing to each other’s lives.
There is one more thing along that string. I would be more than happy to be with Rich’s mother in the amount of extra socialization she brings into Rich and our household. I’ve missed that for a long time. BUT, honestly – the woman knows more people who are going to stop over than we do now. Nobody we know comes to our house, except it was a big deal for the twins to stay that overnight. We still hope that that kind of thing continues to happen. We know as to one-on-one … we’ll have the sofa sleeper for guests in the family room, but as well – for two people – separate but together, we will have the two couches in the living room – but, for couples we’ll have space in the sewing room. I’m really banking on all our dreams coming through.
I think in reality we are even looking forward to Bud visiting and Mark – especially Mark. I would like to get to know him more, because I think underneath his gruff exterior he’s a sweetie. Not so sure about Bud being a sweetie, though I know there are times he’s good company for Rich’s Mom. Just there are too many negative forceful behaviors for us to be entirely appreciative of him. We always have to say that we know Rich’s mom is an alcoholic and that adds its own pressure. But, I think Bud has such limitations that it’s pushing Mom into thinking life is not worthy any more than the next drink. I don’t think we’ll keep her from being an alcoholic, but maybe we can help her appreciate her world and live more life in the present in trade for the bottle. Again, she’s always going to be an alcoholic … but we have the ability of making her quality of life so much better.
Hmm, we seem to have gone down this more philosophical line for a bit. Did we ever get to the part of talking through today’s horoscopes? As to mine – I think we’re all good … I will continue to work through the multiples thoughts around going to school … I’m pretty sure of all that at this moment, but it will have to be also discussed with Rich and Dr. Marvin. First, we want to settle on the contract and closing for this house, yes we want to contribute something to life all around, and yes we think positively in learning to live with more “others.” I think this is the role the horoscope mentions in bringing in a bit of fame. I always want to be good and competent in what we do, and then we want to work with teaching others.
Maybe there is one more thing here, ok? I would like to say that I haven’t given up in producing our story through a large series of books that are our writing. This is such an old goal, but at this moment we can be appreciative of it. For the first time … we’ve got dreams that our housing and lifestyle will be taken care of so then the next step would be publishing our work – even if it meant just publishing e-books through the Kindle and Amazon.
Wow! That’s something … I was just reading through the Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). I think I could really do it.
Whoops … have to wait a few moments … its 9:53 AM and Linda is online.
Ok … moving on … we’ve done two things … it is now 11:08 AM so some time has passed. We talked to Linda for a while and we did some work looking for information on publishing to the Kindle through Amazon. I’m really-really excited and think that this might be the creative aspect of our day. It would mean a terrific amount of editing, but my thoughts are here that if we moved, or if we stayed, that after this current dust settles, we’re going to go back into editing and writing, and then publishing to kindle. There are some options they discuss to print a book too, but right now we don’t need to know much of that except it would be doable. In a real life scenario, we would hope to have published almost all of our books and then someone magically would come by and see how good they were and then help us publish hard and soft covers. BUT, for now … we’d be happy with just getting the work out there. It be a major accomplishment. I still don’t think we’re in line for making more than a few dollars, but this would give us a sense of meaning again. We lost it when we discontinued school, and then we got into the next plan through the multiplicity, and then that too was unable to be completed and now we’re back to writing a LOT and we’re thinking the longest goal we have had was to publish and in all reality this is doable – AND, we don’t have to pay a cost.
There was also a service being offered it appeared by KDP that we could either pay directly or pay an investment in the book for someone to do professional reading of the book like an audible file. That really interests me as well. Obviously, it would be way cool to have a printable book, but from what we see from our first publishing effort … the real money has been in Kindle books. So – no reason not to go there right? Hehehe and THEN, it would get rid of that sticky question for Rich’s Mom about what do we do with ourselves and being at home and not out in the working world. Maybe though the first answer should be we don’t work outside because then we can stay here with you! Ok, that’s secondary to our own wishes, but you get the point?
SOOOO, NOW … are we to the point we’ve gotten past our own horoscope ideas? Let me read them one more time. It had read, “Think in terms of greater prosperity, creative fulfillment, and even a bit of fame, perhaps. It may seem too good to be true - but it's true!” Ok-ok … we’re all good here! Let’s check in again with Rich’s horoscope.
His horoscope seems to do with the meaning of his life and finding it. It also suggests that it is an extremely good time for him to look into it. He needs to find his mission that will give him a sense of purpose. It is an interesting thought process to find one’s calling in life. It’s not up to me as an outsider to think of this for him, but I know one thing about Rich for sure. He’s a caretaker. He likes to help and fix things. There’s no reason that taking care of his “girls” wouldn’t be a good idea. I know like anything that man loves incredibly. Yup yup … he still needs some boy time, but I think in general loving and being loved would create for himself significant value that he needs to feel good about himself. It seems then the day for him might be best served as doing some kind of self-inventory. Maybe we can be suggestive of that, and it would help put things in perspective as he continues to work with his mother. Be a good idea, we figure.
Hmm, one more thing before we get into our “feature writing” Hehehe now that we’re already up to the 9th page, but CS left a picture of her and Mark, and Nathan and Ashley on FB with them out at Olive Garden. I feel glad that they can get out, but worry more about them having enough to cover them for the month. Maybe that could have been thought out better - BUT, again not much my business. She did that it was the last trip to Rochester. I assumed it meant she really did go, but I had to ask if Nathan was going too. I know that stuff is tricky, but he doesn’t look sick or depressed as explained. I hope he follow through for his Mom and Dad. They really do need his brawn today and tomorrow. They have to work as the team they are.
Ok, then … the proverbial looking around our environment … is there anything else before we take another look through the pictures. I know … what a tease … we are forever this week trying to get on with this issue. Part of it is the challenge of how daunting it is, because there are 167 pictures, and after a good portion of the day put in earlier this week, we’d only gotten up to picture 34. Part of that delay since then is that some of the basic things we’d been figuring out – we’d asked Rich to look at with us, and pretty much he blew away most of our thoughts. Maybe today when we relook at it it won’t be so bad, but we do know with Dr. Marvin … he’d teased us, because we’d gone full circle in declaring that we were the only ones who were going to be able to decorate and that Rich would have to bite his tongue, but, realistically? That’s not happening. It really IS a good idea for Rich to be involved, but we have only evolved to the point where he should give his impression, but that we would be the one making the final decisions.
Something is something here about a woman defining her own space, ESPECIALLY when she’s a stay-at-home woman? Just at this moment we’re thinking Rich has to give us a little leeway. We don’t like how he decides so much of what we say or think is wrong and then he interprets how it’s going to be instead after we’d given things a lot of thought to include everyone’s perspective. There’s another part too in that it is leaving us to feel very incompetent. While I know that isn’t what he wants to do … I do know that the opposite thoughts of all this is he thinks that if he doesn’t get or take the role he is – he is back to living off the top of the fridge. This is code for the part where in his previous life he felt the only real place he could command in his house was the top of the fridge/freezer, and that was only because no one else could reach that spot. My thinking here is that there needs to be something closer to a happy medium. I do appreciate though that he has a certain style he is trying to achieve and that he saw those possibilities in this house. We are btw using the term house in its widest sense where we know our place would be a condo, but it just doesn’t roll of the tongue as nicely, you know?
Ok, moving on – we’ve now looked around and see nothing to do that’s more important than get to this other work of figuring out our space. So with not much more adieau let’s take a look.
Picture (1 of 167) is the picture of the type of condos that we are talking about in this effort to buy a place at 2737 Harbor Drive, Joliet, IL. The picture seems to be taken in the fall because the leaves are in transition, but things are sunny and crisp.
(2 of 167) is a picture of our REAL building and it looks like the near units are facing the back and the farther units to the right are facing forward. By back we mean to the outer circle of buildings with this building group and by saying forward – those are the ones facing inner toward the building groups’ center. Our unit is facing outward which is more to our preference. We look a lot into the building in back of us, but we also see more trees and are given views of the field across from us between our building and the mall. I’ve explained before and will talk more later, but we’re pro “the mall.” One more thing here is that we’re going to point out once more the stepping stones to the front of our building and also the four mailboxes toward the street. It will be a long time since having mailboxes filled with a mail truck driving by, but there is something homey in that too. Maybe it’s a good way as well to meet our new neighbors. It also seems in this picture like the grounds are very well kept and contain not only trees, but bushes and flowers as well. The spacing between buildings is nice and I like the openness of the driveways.
(3 of 167) is a picture of the general area of the expressway and mall, and includes the little lake next to the property. We said a lot about this picture the first time, earlier this week, but for now we’re thinking the direction to our place from most places north of us is follow 55 south past Plainfield, take the exit to 30 (or Plainfield Rd), turn right after the mall onto Hennepin Drive, then in a couple of blocks turn left on Essington Rd, and then take an immediate right onto Harbor Drive and three buildings to the right is our place J It all seems easy enough and direct, but we will tell people to drive to the south end of Harbor Drive getting back onto Essington Road, because I believe there is a light there … or if not that at least a less busy access back onto Essington. I love our little community … there are about 30 – 4 unit buildings so about 120 households. It’s a perfect number to be its own community and since they were built about 1994 there are some long – almost 20 year residents I’m sure.
(4 of 167) This is the picture to Linda’s again stating it’s 93 miles or 1 hour and 50 minutes to her place in Sturtevant, WI. It’s a pretty straight shot taking the major roads of 94 to 294 toward the Indiana O’Hare direction then from 294 south to 55 south and then follow that as directed in the last picture. REALLY not a lot of Roads – I think Linda covers more roads getting out of her community than all the roads from 94 to Harbor Drive. From 94 … there are actually only 6 more turns …
Left on I-94 S, Left on I-294 S, Right on I-55 S, Left on Highway 30 (Plainfield Rd), Right on Hennepin Drive, Left on Essington Rd, AND THEN Right on Harbor Drive! WAHAHA! Just try to avoid us THIS time!
It be almost the same for all “our WI girls.” Hey that’s a thought … we haven’t figured out how many people we could have at our place at the same time. Let’s see – we are good for one person … they would stay in the sewing room on the sofa sleeper. We could have two more people on the two couches in the living room. After that … People would have to camp out on the LR floor. Don’t really see that as happening, but we’re playing the “what-if” game. Hehheh. I’m saying on the safe side though we can have three people over to make a party of four. I would love it if Emily could come, but I know she’s the most restricted because of Ainsley, but SOONER or LATER she’s going to be big enough to travel and stay over. We’re pretty sure she’d share the sofa sleeper with her mother for a while J. If the twins came they would each take a living room couch. If CS came, she’d take the sofa sleeper or if Linda came (w/o CS) then she’d take the sofa sleeper … If JUST CS and Linda came – then CS would probably get the sofa sleeper and Linda would have one of the living room couches AND maybe I’d camp out on the other couch with her J I think the couch would be heavy to lift with her riser legs, but I would think that be possible too.
Ok, then … next … whether or not people slept there … how many people could we fit to sew. My thinking here is that we would have the machines in the living room, and we would have the main iron be in the living room too. And, then we’d have the main cutting board be at the kitchen table. I think Rich’s Mom would get a real kick out of talking to people at that station. And then for a secondary ironing and a secondary cutting station, we would have the tables set-up in my sewing room. It’s all so open I really think it’s doable and it could be done with Rich and his mother there. So in this scenario there would be room for 4 people to work at the big glass dining room table, plus plenty of seating left for the other two people if they were working by hand. AS WELL … we’ve tested the table at CS … with the addition of the small sewing table, we would be able to seat one at the end like CS used to at her house, and then there was room for actually 2 to a side with one at the end, but it have to be not my BIG acrylic table set-up … that would take up too much room and definitely things would be way crowded, but the bottom – line? CS had 6 people at her house with this glass table and realistically because of our set-up there is probably actually more useable space. I think we could do it!
It wouldn’t be worth it though unless people were staying overnight because it would be a 2 ½ hour drive for the twins and it would be almost 3 hours for CS and Emily. They’d most likely come together. It’s good to know too that Linda is 93 miles away, the twins are 112 miles away, and CS/Emily are 148 miles away. It would be soooo cool if they could all come once at the same time. We’re thinking though because of it being possibly an overnight trip that it wouldn’t happen more than once a year. There’s also this other part … there is a Holiday Inn Express right around the corner from us. It looks like it’s on Plainfield Rd between us and I-55. SO cool! It looks like the rooms are only $77 and includes breakfast.