Attention :)


Please also see Ann's Web Page called "Multiple Work"

Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

Please see Ann's Blog Roll in right sidebar by scrolling down for links to other People (approximately 140 bloggers) like us who currently (within 1 year) write about their Dissociative Identity Disorder in open Blogs. For additional support for Multiplicity our Twitter account (@aynetal3) lists approximately 240 Multiples). Keep looking for support - it's OUT there!
Please go to Ann's NEWS DID/MPD Blog (directly under the Message Forum) for the NEW Mind Mapping segment - Work in progress

Monday, July 22, 2013

Mow the WHAT!??

Monday, July 22, 2013 @ 9:48 am

Good morning ... it's me and we're finally writing.  We were in some kind of middle world space in that we thought to catch up on FB after we'd talked to Linda for almost a half hour.  She's got a busy day of cleaning to do and at the time we weren't sure of what We're going to be doing with the day.  We woke up about 6:30 am, made coffee, chatted, and viewed FB AND that is all that's happened so far.  Rich is outside for one reason or another and he finally got the neighbor paid for mowing the lawn last week, but then he said that I should mow it this week.  I wasn't real happy about that and it took some hard moments of being pushed to accept or reject, but now it seems its my task again.  I'm a little crabby about it because its supposed to be up to 90 today which is what he's saying "wasn't bad weather."  We've been indoors now in the air for the last 3-4 days and we had no intention of wanting to go out there.  I don't know we'll have to come back to this because for now it is putting us in a bit of a bad mood.

Last night though we were fine.  Rich called ahead to let us know when he'd be home.  He also stated that as soon as he got unloaded he was going to need going over to his mother's because she was causing problems.  He didn't get home until about 8:30-9 pm.  I made him dinner out of leftover roast and potatoes while he took his shower and then we talked and then he got massaged and whatever :)  Good night!

The long weekend in general turned out pretty good.  Some of the days we cleaned others not, but it didn't get out of control.  The biggest thing was that we finished the 42 school backpack bags that we'd taken for church work.  That was a bit of a chore to get done, but the work in itself wasn't difficult and we eventually turned on TV - movie and then a series to pass the time along.

We watched many back to back episodes of sister wives.  I knew of the show because of Anderson Cooper, but I hadn't watched it before.  I did enjoy the show.  I think I'd have to think very hard if I were going to be a sister wife, but chances are that I wouldn't be so generous around the bedroom scene.  I like curling up with my guy every night.  But as to psychology - group or social it was a very interesting show and it is well parsed together to give people an idea of some of the thoughts going on between people and relationships.

I also restarted the work cutting up 6" x 6" blocks for the next set of baby quilts.  It is the fabric given to me by my grandmother.  I think we'll work through that stash, before going back to see what my sister has given me.  I kind of want to keep the two separate due to different ages on the fabric.  My grandmothers could be 30-40 years for all I know ... It's good stuff, but as to print the styles are a bit different although we have flannel from both.

I wrote pretty much all day on Friday so I'm thinking there is not a lot of news-type things to go through ... as to literal news we've been going through Trayvon and George Zimmerman's fall-out AND now today they say Kate Middleton is in labor with the royal baby.  WooHOO!!!  Prince Harry and Prince William were born the same years as Thom and Joe, but my kids are a bit older then the Princes.  Pretty close though.

Rich is back in the house ... he says that Don says that the landlords are going to fine people for dirt in the gutters - I don't get it ... He's talking I think about sewers in the street?  Not sure ... I don't take that to be our responsibility because everyone in the park - water runs down to in front of our house.  If the mail box cleaning is on the landlords - surely the road must be too.  We rent the land - not own it!  We'll see.

I did tell Rich I wasn't happy about cutting the grass.  I told him he tricked me by saying it wasn't hot, but that I checked and it was going to be 90 so he said I could do it in the evening.  Just not all happy about this at all.

Other stuff to do was our more normal stuff of household, reading, writing, and sewing.  Any of that is preferable to doing the lawn.  I guess I wasn't clear that Don wasn't going to do it regularly.  Last night we'd talked to Rich about having him use our mower, because his did a very uneven job, but that would seem to mean to me that I was in favor of the job being done by Don again.

There's this other cringeworthy part in that Rich isn't taking ANY responsibility for the house.  It's taken him 3 weeks to think of doing the weeds.  They are very tall.  The deal was that I would mow the lawn but he had to do the weeds.  He'd only pull a handful at a time and wasn't keeping up with the need, so like why should I put effort into doing other hard stuff he wasn't going to do.  We're really pouty about doing "male-type" work because he's not feeling up to it.  It did turn out he has arthritis in his knee and he's also got a torn meniscus, but I have severe arthritis in my neck and lower spine.  How come I can do it but he can't.  I still have to take 7-8 breaks.  Part of that then slides into something much bigger.  Basically, I have been in a role where I am the one that is mostly taken care of.  But, now the roles are changing and I don't like it ... not only is Rich having problem taking care of things, but now he wants me to take care of him too.  Like he says - will you do this, and will you do that?  I'm not so in favor of this kind of change.  The reason I was being taken care of because things have been mentally or physically overwhelming for most my last 14-15 years.  Maybe I'm just not a gracious caregiver *sigh*

We just talked again ... tomorrow we're both going in together.  He has appointments in the city tomorrow and out here.  We have a Dr. Marvin appointment and he has to do a second loan for his wives place at our bank.  No don't want to go there in the least.

Jillian called yesterday because she was texted by Chris' wife, for Chris that Chris couldn't get ahold of his Dad.  It was a really big roundabout.  I'm not sure why Rich didn't get the message from his son or daughter directly, though he might have been out of phone contact.  They should have both known he was on a fishing trip.  I'm glad that Jillian could call here, but then Rich was late in getting home because of the trip and his mother, so Jillian had to call again before Rich could call her.  It just makes me look bad like I wasn't responsible in giving him the message.  Didn't like that at all. Today Rich is meeting with Chris about the second loan.  He's into banking so might be able to help his father in filling out the forms that are necessary.

Ok that's not helping with my mood either.  I guess now the problem is that we're feeling pulled in too many directions between what we now have to do and what we want to do.  I have the sheet load I left in the dryer yesterday - to get back on the bed.  I have to do the morning picking-up - it's pretty good though and I have to finish up with the fabric because Rich is going to want the table back for his piece parts.  I've got my cutting board on it now because it was much cooler than being out in the sunroom.

Oh oh ... I was just told I could slow down my buying this month and that would help.  Hmm, Birthday?  No response asked for or given....  Hmpf!

No no ... don't go in a zone out ... remember write?  communicate?  Don't act out your feelings!  Feeling in a crunch ... I'm mowing the lawn to save him money, but I couldn't get a few things?  I did buy 2 books for my birthday, then two cookbooks, and then a small $11 gift for someone.  I'm not WAY over line.  I'm supposed to get to spend $200 a month.  Unless he's counting my medicine and gas I'm paying ... Ok, you are getting frumpy again.  It's a pretty nasty criticism.  Ok beauty!  Lets not turn into the beast.  I know he's hurting and I feel bad for him, but he's got to call someone for help and there's only so much we can and will do to taking care of things.  Man that sounds really grouchy sad.  Where's my nice parts?  Hmm, feeling put upon.  Someone inside is screaming ... I'M NOT THE RESPONSIBLE ONE!

Hmm, maybe that's key here.

It's been a nice soft weekend too ... I was getting things done, but in my own way and pace.  Now it's at someone else's will and we're not so happy.  Damn I hate it when we get this way.  I'm pretty sure the flylady would call it being whiny.  *DRAT!*

Isn't there something else we better think about?

Feel sort of like crying.  This is probably a carryover of the whining behavior.  How do I get control back?  Maybe its a matter of taking over some choices instead of feeling like everything has been dumped on you.  I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed.  Maybe I have to put it in some kind of perspective I could handle.

It's just after 10:30 am.  If I got dressed and did the lawn, then I could have it done by about noon.  I wonder if I could pull it together to do some heavy duty weeding.  We would need some leftover stamina AND the shovel AND the gloves AND some place to put the garbage.  I am embarrassed not to have the weeds pulled out and I guess we have to resort to you can't change someone else you can only change yourself.

Hmm, used the washroom that should take off some pressure.  No giggling there!

Ok, then back to the schedule ... Let's say the lawn takes me to 1 pm.  Then I could come in and take my medicine and take my requisite beer :) That would make me happy.  And THEN if we were tolerating working out in the temperature we could go do Rich's weeds.  He did put powder on the rose bushes.  Didn't make me happy to hear him say the bugs are killing them.  Maybe the powder should have been put on before the bugs got to the flowers?  Hopefully, he was just exaggerating.  It would also require that I look at the flowers on the side of the house.  I know I put them there, or at least WE did ... just seem that everything taking responsibility in an even consistency is very hard for us still.  Wish I knew why that was.  This many years seeing a therapist, and you would of thought we'd take care of that by now.  Shoot.

Ok, then bottom line is we could be outside until about 2-3 pm.  I think Rich is meeting his son at about 4 pm, so will probably have to leave between 2:30-3:00 pm.  I'm guessing though he'll want to stop at his mothers before that.  I guess the angry part says that why do I have to take care of the hard work so you can spend your day visiting family.  OK YOU STOP!  This is just more of the same whiny behavior.  I gotta get a grip on it.

Bottom line was that I bought a house with Rich and if he can't take care of it then it becomes my responsibility.  AND, what happened if something really happened to Rich then it would be STILL all our responsibility.  I'd have to deal with that.  I know I know ... we got planners inside saying that if Rich dies, then we're going to die too.  But, I know that's not our best thinking.  This is sure becoming a grouchy morning.

Is there anything here that HAS to be done before we mow the grass and pull weeds?  Sure didn't wake up thinking this morning that I had to do that.  Maybe the grouchiness is just a sense of surprise ... You are not getting the kind of day you were looking forward to.  I think the house is picked up enough not to worry about the inside until I get back.  Clothes were all caught up this weekend ... hmm ... shoot ... I forgot Rich has a bunch of fishy clothes he left in his suitcase ... we'll have to do that ... might wait though until we come back inside.

Hmm, he's on the phone with the nursing home - apparently that was one of the two calls that we told him about - just knew the phone had rang.  He's waiting, we're waiting.  She probably is sending a message that she wants something picked-up.  I'm not sure ... sort of scared to breath ... never know what they are going to say.  He's talking to someone now.  Oh ... she wanted to know what time he was coming ... he said about 2 pm and then leave at 3 pm for his sons.  We thought it be something like that.  Kinda pushy for her to be calling, but then that be her nature.

Ok, grump ... do we have to go there too?  Lets start looking at things like being rewarded.  If we go outside for the next four hours, then we get the rest of the day inside and ... ok, laundry have to do that ... and kitty litter/garbage ... hmm, might want to do that when we make the bed - hmm, maybe save the shower for after the work outside ... we're going to be real sweaty AND we took a shower last night so things ok, right?  So then what ... Rich is going to be out for dinner.  I wonder if he's thinking about that.  I guess there's enough roast beef left from the weekend I could eat that.  Ok, problem cared for. So first we're going to come in shower, make the bed, do the litter/garbage, have a beer AND then we're going to finally get to some free time?  Hmm ok, point taken ... right now writing is some freetime too, right?  Ok, but then we can work on the cutting again ... I think that's where we really wanted to get to this morning.  ESPECIALLY, because we're supposed to leave here tomorrow at 10:45 am.  It will be a get nothing done day, BUT Dr. Marvin.

Ok, truth be told?  We do like to have car time with our sweetie, AND we can take our computer with us right?  How hard can that be?  The vehicle IS air conditioned too, hmm?

Ok, 11 am ... better get things going ... talk later ... going to be Good Ann!

(21,489/4,873)


1 comment:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete