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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Glad we finally got a few moments to write some stuff out - busy minds!

Saturday, August 17, 2013 @ 8:29 am

Good morning.  It's just us.  We're doing pretty good so far.  We had a half hour talk with Dr. Marvin to get us back into the groove of doing the morning properly.  Well, at least properly in OUR book.  The key to the discussion was when he suggested that we could use our new mind map to help us put things in order.  It seemed that we were in-between the parts - especially, Ann and Anniemi who don't mind doing housekeeping and the parts of Kelsie and Lissa who want to jump to the computer right away and by that we mean the mind mapping.  Once they found out they could combine the two mindmapping and household, it seemed we stood a fighting chance.

SOOo, the last two days we've been able to get up, make the coffee, shower, get dressed, make the bed, take our medicine, do the laundry, do the dishes, clean the counter, empty the litter box, AND put out garbage first thing before ever getting to drink the coffee.  I'd like to say that this is going to last, but we've not been real good on consistency.  BUT, for now this is a VERY good deal.

We also threw in vacuuming half the carpet from yesterday so that Rich could move our morning recliners back in place.

The deal there was that ... I think you had known - last wrote a week ago - that we had gotten the carpet and hard floor cleaner, but Rich said no when it turned out that we had to make three more payments than the payment he saw in my checking account.  That put us on stunned for several days, but with the new get things started earlier, we were able to put clean another section of the carpet on our afternoon list of things to do.  AND, we did it!  We asked Rich to come in from the sunroom toward the end to show him the difference and how the machine hovered and was easy to move, and THEN he suggested he might change his mind, but that it would put our accounts on very tight.  We told him that we were pretty sure that we weren't going to meet the girls in September and so the quilting money could go to pay for the machine - at least part of it.  I was very serious.

Hmm, just stopped for awhile to talk to Linda.  I had gotten up to fold the one load I had to do today, and then when I got back there she was :)  I think she's a little discombobulated, so she's now on her way to straighten things out.  Good Linda!  LOVE YOU!

I also stopped to introduce two friends of ours.  One is Pat we met in an AOL chat room 20 years ago, and the other is Christina who we met with AOL blogs ten years ago.  They both have an interest in abuse issues AND with adoption of pets.  Thought wow wouldn't that be a great connection.  Pat wrote back and was real supportive, but she also let us know that her mother died last week.  I was dumbfounded didn't see that coming.  Our heart goes out to pat because I know she would be grief-stricken.  Our prayers go out to her this morning and to her family.  We left her to rest ... Pretty sure it would be overwhelming to anyone, but especially her.

Rich is still here this morning ... He got up later like 7-7:30 am, but he's doing well ... he's on line looking for a box to hold his fishy plastic worms.  I really like to see him relax.

Ok, we just checked through on the FB again.  I think we do this impulsively, but as an aside we talked to Rich for a while.  We're apparently both going to be on our own, and then he repeated - he'd asked yesterday if we wanted to go to a movie.  He's interested in seeing "The Butler." so we agreed and looked it up to find it is playing at our new home theater at 7:15 pm.  So that plan was put in place.  He's going to shower now and go take his Mom to stay at her house for a couple of hours.  I think he wants to go to Walmart too to pick up a few groceries and others.  He wants to find his box for the worms, and he wants some powder to keep bugs off the roses.  He said he might do a few things outside and that there are about 10 big weeds growing now.  That is plenty and if he also gets to some trimming like he stated we might be much happier about going and doing some mowing tomorrow.  We'll see.

So now that we know his plan, we also can adapt our own.  We do have to put away some folded clothes onto hangers, and I would like to clean the kitchen floor and maybe some vacuuming in the sunroom and bedroom, but other than that, I don't think we have any real house plans today.  Maybe I should think this through for a second.  No that's pretty much it floors and putting away laundry today ... and then tomorrow do work outside.

Ok, now for the fun part.  I would like to spend a couple concentrated hours on writing like we are doing now.  It's much easier with Rich out of the house.  It's just after 10 am now so we have some time to look forward to.  Then after, we'd like to go back to work with the mapping.  Yesterday, we went through behavior and started on the next section.  Hmm, maybe I'm going to have to catch you up here a bit.  It's been our favored conversation of the week.  Tuesday and Thursday with Dr. Marvin, we also took 15-30 minutes each time catching him up on our processes.  There were other things too like Tuesday we put 15 minutes into billing, and then on Thursday we put 30 minutes into developing the system we talked earlier about by putting the housework on the mind map to help that all gel with other priorities of they system.  Good Ann!

I think where we left off with mind mapping last week was to have put about 6 entries through the process which had been pretty exciting ... we had developed our own rule about not going back to pull more annotations until we got through a cycle to the mind map.  The biggest change other than putting the household down which also includes a calender function, goals, vision, agenda, schedules and such, we also added a dictionary function.

This was one that also cost some money so we had to check-in with Rich ... he seems to understand what we are doing is important to us and he let it slide.  We had also asked him about the Rhapsody and if we couldn't get it again.  He said yes.  We've talked about Rhapsody before, but not lately.  Now it is a $9.99 a month "club." which basically means that you can get absolutely any kind of music especially through playlists you make-up or radio stations from your favorite artist.  The radio plays new people you might not know that are like the artists you like.  AND there is no commercial.  And as a side benefit, I can listen to it when Rich is watching TV at night and we're trying to concentrate, and on the chromebook in the car, and like right now in the sitting room recliner.  We just turned on Adele.  If Rich came in and wanted his 50-60's music we would do that too, but we like the option of having more choice.

Well the dictionary is a service we had paid for before and it seemed really important at this time to pay for it again.  It's $29.99 per year.  The subscription is to Merriam-Webster Online Unabridged Dictionary and includes some other dictionaries like their medical dictionary.  The difference is with there regular online one for free there is only one or two definitions for each word, but in the unabridged there can be a page or two and through that become very specific to all nuances of the word your looking up.  We knew that before and really knew all the value of the program.  There was a lot of talk this week in Kelsie doing a lot of work with the mapping, and then Lissa throwing in with work she's doing in the past with references, particularly the dictionary.

The way this new series of ideas is taking us is that we've decided to add a dictionary component to the work with the mind map.  The idea is that the key words like "behavior" and "thinking" be spelled out, but also the next and next series of single word or phrases that are examples of behavior, thinking, etc. like sleeping, hoping, worrying, etc.  Hopefully, though it hasn't been tried out ... when we go back to breaking down the annotations, it will be easier to understand the words being used and described and it should give anyone reading better insight to many thoughts that could be occurring from one idea to the other.  Like if I have a better idea of what the word, "trigger," means I could figure out not only what is likely to cause those triggers through the multiples, but also what is actually happening biologically when a trigger occurs.  I will better also be able to understand "organizing" words like what kinds of words fall under "state," or "perception."

We had started using the dictionary one way, and then went back to perfecting the system.  Chances are it could go through another uplift, but we're really comfortable with it at this point.  We added a link from the main page of our multiples "NEWS" for definitions from the M-W Dictionary, and then instead of letting the definitions run wild, we put under each word/phrase a separate "idea" just for the definition ... so like for the word "separate," we would list it as "^ Separate: M-W Definition."  Then anything coming from this definition gets linked there and the actual ^ Separate, etc. gets connected as a child in the structure with the dictionary we're developing.  One of the biggest things is to leave the "^" (tent) ... oh that's right Dr. Marvin says it's called a carrot.  Anyway, we leave this before all the words being defined and then before all the different definitions so like we could put down ^ Balance: M-W Definition, and then under that definition it might say, ^ Something that is left over: remainder.

There is a lot of value to this as to separating any one word or definition from the other words we develop from the multiples' blogs, but it is really helpful to in looking through "searches,"  Basically, if I put the word, "balance" in the search box, I come up with idea links to the link for ^ Balance: M-W Definition which is of course where the definition of that word is, but as well it connects to "Balance Life," and "Keeps Health and Safety in Balance."  Both of these were idea inks laid down previously ... The term balance life connects back to being a functional behavior and then the second idea link connects to one of our parts (Sarah) idea link as something that she is prone to do - as an internal assist to keep our life healthy, safe and balanced.

This kind of thing can come in handy and we're just STARTING to learn about using it ... for example yesterday we'd started with an idea for a connection to our need for order - especially through our part Kelsie.  We'd known before she has trouble slowing down our mind.  It seems when Kelsie is overloaded then that affects Corey who does more of the systems slowing down to put things in order through the blogging.  Basically, Corey, (me) enjoys simplifying and trying to fit everything into context, especially between the parts and our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, etc.  This need to "balance" things comes to me from being overwhelmed or confused which is like one of my signature traits that I might not have seen, but some one or more of our parts had already figured out and it had been left as a key to understanding me using the mapping.

It had also been suggested that I consciously or unconsciously depend on Marie especially for insight ... she gives me clues and then I can use that to figure stuff out.  It's been known for a long time, but not always remembered that most often if I can clarify a thought into question form that Marie will give me an answer.  She was able to lead us to the part that Annemarie - our core also gets overwhelmed and that when Kelsie can't focus, it's been something I do for the system to slow things down like now by writing ... and that helps Annemarie (as well as others), but especially her.  It seems that Annemarie is greatly a part of our being able to switch from one situation to another.  She seems to have some control over our movement.  So that might mean turning on the music, or standing us up, or choosing one activity or another.  It becomes basically what do we have to do - by WHICH part to calm us down (self/Annemarie).

Somehow as part of my gift to the system is that I can summarize all the things that are going on in our head or world one word/sentence/paragraph at a time.  This gives others in the system to think logically and purposefully.  It helps others connect things that are of value to the whole system while not disregarding the parts.  Annemarie gets so overloaded that she often isn't able to move, but by letting go conscientiously one task or another - like in the system having set-up a "non-argumentative" morning routine, she is able to follow it as her contribution without becoming overwhelmed.  When any part of the system gets overwhelmed, we need to stop and pay attention to calming ourselves.  I know from past studying that being able to calm or sooth oneself is something that doesn't always happen correctly to victims of sexual abuse.  I'd like to say especially that abuse caused by incest, because in a normal situation a family member teaches a child to slow down and be "ok."

In our situation, our Grandfather initiated the sexual abuse and then to some part assisted in calming the parts down again - especially the very young parts.  Once they were calmed then Annemarie could come back.  She would disappear if things were overwhelming to the parts who seemed better able to hand, adjust or adapt.  The multiplicity in itself is a coping mechanism.  As we develop a stronger, and stronger mind map - which is part of our coping (back to being new!), then we are more able to value each of our parts and their contributions, and because we can start to figure out the why's and wherefores, we as an individual will become a stronger and more resourceful person.  Just as a note there are a couple other things we've listed in the last couple days as part of our coping mechanism - which acts like so many other ideas as a "go-to" place for any of us or others in the multiple world as an "idea" spot to get us back in touch with other coping skills such as asking Rich if he would mind if we rubbed him, eating wet snowballs, and turning on the music again.

It seems like so many things that the more focused thought that we put into things the more we'll get out of it.  We are hoping that this does become a system for better understanding ourselves, but it wasn't until yesterday that we saw this as a possibility or just one end result of putting time into the map.  It had occurred as a result of having put in the personal section under the title of "Ann's Life/World - Dashboard"  This is the main idea of our entire mind map.

We had been working previously and almost extensively with the idea coming out of having a dashboard as "multiple."  That is divided in two right now ... the first idea link is through the work we'd started with the Google search terms from going down that route we were learning a lot about misconceptions out there in the Internet about what was expected from those with multiplicity - remembering here the work we had done on multiple mythology.  There were some other news items on multiplicity out there that were more positive, but the general thing for right now is that it's a thread direction for us in learning about multiplicity as a multiple and knowing others through the blogs.  The second part is the knowing others through the blogs.

Under this main section comes almost everything we're doing including now at the top our definition idea links and also now a section that we're considering our "Workspace" and "Scratchpad."  The workspace is a temporary place to link things we're currently that day on ... such as right now we've linked the dictionary definitions with "self" because we've been defining those words.  It allows us not to spend so much time just trying to find our chief variables.  Another thing we learned this week was in "pinning." Basically, we could take any one given outline and "pin" a link to it at the top of our screen.  That way we could use it in a dashboard manner to get quickly from one thing or another.  For example, the dictionary is up there so after we finish defining a word, we just grab a link from the top and pull it down to "befriend" that new link.  It works really well.  Whoever did this program put a LOT of thought into it and I can't really say I blame them for charging so much to be using the program.  I would have preferred to buy it over being charged annually, but at least then we're always getting the updated version and connection to their network which will be nice - especially after we get more personally comfortable with the program.

This feels strong enough to be like a turning point in my life.  The initial idea was for it to help structure thoughts towards writing a book, but then through Dr. Marvin "wisdom" ... yes the kind that is pretty much like osmosis, we get the thought pattern that we can do this project while focused primarily on us and then adds to that the secondary part where what we discover and write can be helpful down the line to others.  I think prioritizing it this way we are much more apt to develop a program that we are most interested in and so then spend more time creating something of wonder rather than trying to please abstract others along the way and much too prematurely.  I'm still leaving our shingle on the door through the two blogs, but I'm thinking that are lack of presence in the general world is going to work to our advantage here.  I have to learn more about relaxing as a part of a system and with the system to be able to appreciate that if we never contacted another person in our entire life ... just the fact that I/We can appreciate our time put into thoughts and ideas would be worthwhile.  I'm still tied into getting approval from others, but this then just becomes another factor to straighten up as we go.  I haven't decided entirely if it is good or bad.  There's always that part of most people, I believe, where you want to some how get past your own problems and give back to human kind (if not animal kind).

This has been something on our mind since adding the more personal element to this mapping process.  Basically, how do we fill in the harder questions that have to do with value and purpose.

Had to stop a moment.  Rich was on his way to bringing his Mom to her place from the nursing home for a couple of hours and asked us to bring out the hearing aid batteries he'd left with his stuff.  We were a little grouchy because we were doing something else, but complied anyway ... I'd forgotten he was picking up his mom and said to him when getting close to the car, "I'm not your servant you know."  He laughed and said did you want to say hi to Mom?  Lordy, we're pretty sure she didn't hear that, but I guess it means we shouldn't be so selfish with our time.  It is a fact that I'm hear doing exactly what I want right now and its Rich that is doing all the work in taking care of his mother on a daily basis.  Have no reason to be crabby about that situation, but it WAS hot out there and I AM busy!  HMPF!

Ok crabby person ... that's enough of that.

Hmm, ok noticing the world again.  Someone is using a weed wacker or something like that and it's a little noisy.  Hmm, but then it could be me out there and not in the comfy house speaking from my comfy recliner.  Ok, I guess we have to stop complaining again.

Going back to the last series of thoughts I feel that we have some needs to defining better our value to self and to others.

When we talked to Dr. Marvin and he'd suggested using the mind map for what became ordering our routines, we also went back to a couple other old mind maps we've tried out through the years.  We came back to this one as obviously the most valuable especially for being practical and intuitive.  But there was another one we'd started - and had written about before that we had listed some of the other things of value to us.

For example, when we incorporated that with what we had, we found our self with a main dashboard that includes - first on the list an "In box."  We have to go back into the work with David Allen, and his book on "Getting Things Done." to recall the full value, but basically, he suggests that people should have just a few inboxes that we can toss anything that might come to mind.  This was the kind of thinking that had us using the scanner to take in written information that could be saved online within our mind map.  I really do believe that anything important should be put online and backed-up.  Just that it's such a chore it hasn't been followed through.  Tested ... but, not completed.

One way or another, we are going back to those series of thoughts.  They have been weighted in our past as to a point we'd developed before.  It's taken a while to get back to it - according to parts' prioritizing, but we're here now ;)

So basically, we need ONE place for all paperwork to go, and then we need to run it through the scanner.  And sort it into our major "holding' system.  For now because that part is so big ... we're going to let it be with a compromise.  Basically, all our papers go toward one of two cubicles in our desk.  It gets there by both Rich and me ... and periodically I will take the stash of papers and receipts out and organize those alphabetically in one of two (personal and business-Rich's) - we do that through a accordion expandable pocket portfolio.  Again one day this will maybe go to computer, but too lazy at this point.  BUT, it is an "input" system or in-basket and works.

Another implement that hasn't been used appropriately yet - for a yet undisclosed purpose is that of having our phone with us most often and being able to use it for a input/inbox solution (in part)  Basically, hmm, I say basically a lot don't I, *sigh* BUT anyway ... the phone was key because it has recording abilities and a lot more can be done now with apps that utilize the microphone feature.

The one we just checked again ... remember we've been doing this in phases so as our (as a multiple) begin, wane or end, we come back to things we'd "gotten up to" before ... I think there were three things there and we hadn't come to a conclusion on which system to use.  I'm thinking that the mind map might have tipped the scales, so it will be whichever system feeds back into that the best.  There's just too many things to like about the program we're mind mapping into (TheBrain).

Looking at Astrid it seems best for tasks, but maybe what should be seen there is that it makes lists.  This obviously is good as an in-basket.  I just checked it out and it works.  I said (repeating the current song), "I'm going to give you a reason." then the app wrote it out in 2D and the statement appears on a "My Task" list with a check box for when you finish the project.  This could mean for me when the project gets to our mind map.  Now we have to look and see other than typing from the phone screen how that might happen.

Ok, It's now 12:54 pm and we've eaten lunch AND decided what to do with our apps for listmaking.  The first one we tried was Astrid, but then we realized that it had sold out to Yahoo and Yahoo hadn't told anyone what they were going to do so on Astrids homepage ... it gave a list of other resources to use for lists.  Then we checked out evernote.  Although this is good for mass storage we are going to stay with TheBrain for mass storage.  AND, we ran into just a simple program problem just trying to get security passage.  They had changed all the passwords and you had to jump through passages to get there like remember 5 words you would have saved on your evernote account.  It's probably been a half year since using it so I couldn't recover a password.  It's like ok, that's enough of you as our valued service!  Then I checked out SpringPad the other account we were trying  we realized there was some fun stuff on it, but basically something that was organizing lists by particular not pads - self-titled by the user.  We were most happy with The brain for keeping things in order and some of the other functions like calendar, pictures, documents, etc.

Oh man-oh-man ... keeps getting better.  It turns out that the calendar can be programmed to go write into our Google calendar and that's the calendar that goes to our phone.  PERFECT  I like when our life coordinates itself.  AND, you know what?  I'm going to go over there and read write now, but when looking up the Google calendar and the brain we realized that TheBrain is also very well coordinated with David Allen's "Getting Things Done."  JUST WAY excited now seems that this system is being verified by all our various tests and trials over the years.  BRB going to head over to the Getting things Done/The Brain page WooHOO..!


1 comment:

  1. You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward to your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!
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