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Sunday, November 24, 2013

We wrote this on self-regulation about 8 years ago - it's still good!

I.  Self-Regulated learning - Self direction to transform abilities into skills;
attainment of goals
    A.  Forethought - Processes that precede efforts to learn and set the stage for such
        1.  Goal setting - deciding on specific outcomes of learning
        2.  Strategic planning - selection of learning strategies or methods designed to
attain the desired goals
        3.  Self-efficacy beliefs - personal beliefs about one's capability to learn or
perform at certain designated levels
        4.  Goal orientation - focus on learning progress or effective learning rather than
competitive outcomes
        5.  Intrinsic interest - continuity of learning efforts despite the absence of tangible
    B.  Performance or volitional control - Processes that occur during learning efforts
and affect concentration and performance
        1.  Attention focusing - protecting intention to learn from distractions and from
competing intentions
        2.  Self-instruction/imagery - refers to telling oneself how to proceed during a
learning task
        3.  Self-monitoring - checking progress of key processes or outcomes;
self/environment cues balancing routine and change
    C.  Self-reflection - Processes that occur after learning efforts and influence a
learner's reactions to that experience
        1.  Self-evaluation - comparing self-monitored information with standards or
goals; efficiency, effectiveness, and satisfaction
        2.  Attributions - causal meaning of the results influenced by personal and
contextual factors
        3.  Self-reactions - positive or negative inevitability that assists or detracts from
reinforcing systematic variations in approach;
                propensity to continuously practice well or follow through
        4.  Adaptive practice cycle - appropriate evaluation of performance; which will
create inertia that can facilitate or undermine learning
                learning during subsequent phases
II.  Thoughts
     A.  Processes through knowledge and experience, which includes interpersonal,
intrapersonal, and contextual conditions
III.  Feelings
     A.  Integration of emotion with thought (work on impact given in consideration of
multiplicity, not despite it).
IV.  Strategies
     A.  Reading, writing, listening & speaking
V.  Behaviors
     A.  Follow through on personal or professional  program

Saturday, November 23, 2013

My THREE sons!!!!!!

Saturday, November 23, 2013 @ 9:17 am

Good morning!  This is me and we’re up to Saturday.  Only one more week of Thom being here, and it is going to be fast.  We already know he’s coming for two days, but always of course, hoping for more.  We’ll see.

BUT, the big news this entry is that we saw the three boys’ together yesterday afternoon.  The above is my favorite picture taken.  I’m not sure what’s happening on the height thing … they are 29, 31, and 33 this year so I don’t think anyone is growing.  Maybe what happened is that in both pictures – the one two years ago and the one taken yesterday – the middle people were leaning back on something to make them appear shorter.  I know Maury is 3-4” taller than me … and the others are a little taller, but this picture emphasizes a lot of height difference … Most the time you’re with them everyone is sitting down.

Hmm, not sure.  We sent the above picture to Nikki.  She was the first to notice the height difference, maybe her or Maury will know why the sudden difference. 

Rich just turned off his fishy shows … OHHH he’s making a call … THAT’s why!  He’s been up for a couple of hours, and I’ve been up a couple more hours than him.  I think he’s on the phone with his brother.  Oh, and now he’s connected to his mother.  There’s big stuff going on there as to Rich is putting out a birthday party for her tomorrow.  Rich’s brother is coming in for an overnight maybe.  He will probably stay with his Mom if they can manage that.  I think Rich will be over there pretty soon.   It sounds like everything is on schedule, though we would be more comfortable if Rich ordered the cake. 

I think now that he’s off the phone … he’s going to do a little more with the piece parts.  The majority of the work has been done last night and for that part he has to wait for them to soak for about 24 hours.  He’s a hard worker.  FORTUNATELY … he’s been watching his fishing shows this morning so hasn’t had a bad time of it.  I am forgetting his part with all the excitement with the boys. 

I would like to say one thing though … last night as he was finishing up his work, we (meaning us insiders) managed to put dinner on the table all by ourselves.  It was mostly heating and getting things serving/eating ready, but it was a pretty big deal.  We’re a little afraid he could get too used to that kind of thing, but for one day … we WERE in a pretty good mood.  After dinner though, we had to take a short nap before cleaning up. We were just SOOO tired.  Things worked out after that.  We then made Rich some tropical fruit ice cream about 8:30 pm, and then probably fell asleep massaging him before five minutes had gone by.  I think he followed after his show finished AND, he might have been able to stay in the bed all night.  I don’t usually hear him up when he moves to the chair or couch to work with his legs.

We put an extra entry in earlier about how things we’re being scheduled and planned on Thanksgiving and the day before.  There seems to be a LOT happening.  From what I understand too is that Laura is dropping Austin off at Thom’s Dad – so Thom can have the day together.  It be nice if they got a few more days in, but I’m really glad to have them both for an overnight on Wednesday. 

Most of the plans came together by us talking with Laura in a private FB message, and I’m feeling a little guilty there, but we are trying to make very concrete plans so that we can all get as much time together this week before Thom leaves.  I kinda stepped back into the Mom role, where in general it seems women communicate that kind of thing better than the males who play more by the seat of their pants.  I’m going to miss Laura and Mike being here and hopefully we’ll get some time with them around Christmas, but Laura made sure we knew that the baby is due January 8th, so no one knows for sure what is going to happen.  We’re VERY excited for them.

One of the nicest things that happened is that Austin got to meet my ex this week.  It’s the first time for about ten to eleven years.  It must have been very exciting for them and I’m sure they were both looking forward.  It takes someone to come forward though and make the connections.  From what Thom says Austin might like his Grandfather more than me.  I was very disappointed with that part.  The boys are very upfront, and I don’t think at that time he was teasing me.  It seemed more for me to brace ourselves.  He said that in general, Austin gets along better with adult males, then females and that Austin was able to talk about a LOT of things he likes to go into, because Thom reported that his father knew a lot about world events and most like computers like Austin.  Austin could pick out random countries in Europe or Africa and most often his Grandfather could have an understanding conversation with him.  My ex was always very intelligent and much more world savvy. 

I think I have to make a conscious decision that it is ok for Austin to like his Grandfather more than me his Grandmother.  I don’t want to, but I think I have to because if I didn’t do it consciously, it might break my heart.  Maybe part of it – the attraction is that the relationship is just new and exciting.  I do hope for the sake of Austin and having extended family that his Grandfather makes efforts to connect with him while Thom is out of the country over the next several years.  There is only a half hour between them, and he has a very nice large house and time to get to know his Grandson.  I’d never take that away from someone.  I’m pretty sure that the Grandfather had been thrilled to meet his Grandson.

He seemed to be in a very good mood on Tuesday when we saw them.  It seems that life is coming together for him, and having so much family around must have made them happy.  I guess it’s not his sister he’s visiting in TX, but Jacki’s daughters.  So, that will be nice for them too.  We’re not sure if we could get Thom to stay over Thanksgiving night, but there’s a possibility he arranged to sleep over at Alex’ or something.  He’s married and doing well too, and I know Thom wanted to see his friend before leaving.  I was glad he had a chance to be over at Joe’s last night.  We left him there, but not sure if it were an overnight.

The logistics worked out well yesterday.  We were within a few moments of being on time.  It really worked out to pick up Joe and get that extra hour coming and going with him to Maury’s.  We met Maury at the younger girls school because he was helping out with a choir/band experience.  They were singing carols at nursing homes, and had arranged to come back to school for lunch.  Maury and Nikki was helping the lunch part happen.  I don’t think Maury had too much time for it, but Nikki probably stayed throughout. 

Everyone got hugs getting in and out of cars.  The boys took turns trying to run knowing I was coming in and out for more hugs.  Yup that be the type of kids I have.  LOTS of teasing!  Maury had a couple suggestions and we decided to go to Chili’s for lunch.  And, then afterward, we went over to his house and stayed around talking and watching the dogs play for some time afterward, then again we dropped Joe AND Thom off at Joes, and then we went home by ourselves.  Rich was home so that was nice.  We had a chance to talk and then move things along with him going to work on pieces and me going to the computer.  We had left with Thom for Joe’s and Maury’s at 9:30 am and got back at 3:30 pm.  It was a very full and exciting day.  I’m pretty sure on one hand it will rank one of my highest days of the year.  Buying and moving into a new home rank up there pretty high too!

I don’t want to go into a lot of conversation on the conversations had with the boys, but I do want to say a few things too.  I think the hardest part was that I brought up the relationship issues between Maury’s family and Joe’s.  They gave me a chance to say my piece, but then all jumped in to close things down.  I was very frustrated with problems between my sons and Maury seemed the most hurt.  Joe seemed the most oblivious, and Thom was defensive – protecting the private relationships with his brothers.  I didn’t like the conclusion that seemed to be that nothing was getting better anytime soon and that they appreciated the casual relationship of them bumping into each other at family events periodically.  I won’t go into more on that, but I was very hurt and disappointing that the situation couldn’t be moved along more.  Maybe Thom will talk between the brothers a little more.  In general it has to do with preserving privacy especially between Cari and the boys’ step-mother and Maury’s ex.  I can see how it should be … just feeling disappointed with myself for not having the wherewithal to bring that situation more to a closed issue.  I guess after that … just have to move along.  I don’t feel I’m doing the right job as a mother to have kids who are arguing.  I want the situation solved, but there are all adults and I can’t control any of them.  It’s not my real role.  I will remain supportive to anyone bettering the situation.

As to the rest of the afternoon, it was fun from the time it started forward.  We got lost a little with the insiders.  Sometimes they would say things and we didn’t know for sure if they were true or we were being teased.  The boys are able to do each with no problems.  They are each individually more advantaged, but together, it is like we’re WAY over our head.  We wanted some sense that we’d done a good enough mothering job in that they all seemed to turn out very good, but they didn’t give me that piece of mind.  We talked about a lot of things important to me – in a sense took us over a few things we’ve talked about over the years.  Some were little and silly … like I reminded them that they’d taken our stuff dog and put him on out of reach on top of the bathroom door, and we were pretty sure we wanted to know who did it!  They goofed around until Joe said, well if anyone had to cop to it, he would.  That is quickly followed by his brothers who are now grateful, because that takes only Joe out of the will.  *sigh*  It’s like that a lot. 

They also teased me from taking away learning opportunities for them.  That leaves parts of us out who automatically feel bad for not doing something for them.  But, then they brought up a few things that we’d done “wrong.” Like the educational experience of Joe driving (rolling) the car forward 6’ when he was 2 ½ or Joe and Thom climbing to the top of the third floor on our Victorian house.  They told me we’d wrecked an astrological lesson they were having.  They were still under ten and they were going to see something special in the sky that was supposed to be happening.  It was the same for the nature lesson lost when I pulled Joe off the second floor porch because he’d saw a birds nest he wanted to explore. 

It’s kind of a funny thing that we’ll have to talk over with Dr. Marvin.  The boys probably remember these stories, because they’ve been told in our family over and over.  They were each really scary situation we’d been in with them … and it plays in our mind to the point, that we must have been the most negligent mother.  On the other side, we know at this point, that our kids were gifted, and for that – it was probably more normal that they were more investigative and unsafe.   I feel guilt and thanksgiving both together with these types of stories.  They are part of our family mythology.  It seems also that these are the stories that the boys are recalling from me directly without their father.

I did tell them that I had gotten a hug from their father and it wasn’t too long or too short.  Just right and that that was a nice thing.  There is NOOOO illusion that that relationship would be restored any further.  I would like a chance – like a lunch to sit down and talk things over in general, but there is no reason for that to happen.  Although we share the same children, AND were married for about 13 years, there is absolutely no reason to be more connected now.  It was nice of him to share a visual with the inside of his entrance area, and I’m sure he would have invited us in for longer, but Thom was pretty fast in hustling us back out … It was a strange period for us, because we were going through switches between our insiders and things were pretty cloudy/confused. 

Maybe then not seeing him longer was a good thing.  I honestly don’t know what we’d talk about.  Neither of us need to talk about concerns over kids and Grandchildren.  I know I’m not in a role to criticize his wife for her part of the interference between Maury and Maury’s ex-wife.  I’d like to wring her neck though!  Maury needs the privacy of his own personal life not to be expressed by his step-mother and SIL with their intrusiveness in filling in “the ex-wife about Maury’s current family, or telling the ex what they think about Maury and his family.”  I really feel they have the right to make their own relationship choices, but they can’t be passing on “internal family things” to the detriment of Maury, Nikki and ALL FOUR of the girls.  I guess I wasn’t going to say anything, but this does seem to be the crux of the problem.  As to the males involved of my ex, and my youngest son Joe … I just think they are playing ignorant and inconsiderate of Maury to not hold their women in check as to personal boundaries. 

Ok, you … that’s enough.  I know I gotta move on … just don’t know what to do with all the frustration I am feeling because I think this is the most divisive thing my family has ever gone through.  I hope it never gets worse.  The boys all have handled well the divorce, but I’ve worked my entire life to assure that nothing comes between the three boys.  I don’t know if they even know or care about the hurtful result of their behaviors.  It’s hard to be respectful of them, because my three boys are more important to me than anything in the world and it really hurts that they aren’t closer than this stuff has driven them.  I can’t help to think it isn’t anything other than an exaggerated power play.  VERY UNFAIR!  You should be able to trust your family to do no harm.  They are ignoring natural boundaries.

It would actually be a nice thing if I could say these things direct without people being upset with me like yesterday for bringing the subject up.  I’m thinking neither Cari nor my ex’s wife read my blog directly, but if they did … maybe it would be enough to open up the conversation.  The problems aren’t about ANYTHING else … just trust and boundaries.  I think their husbands are responsible too … maybe not directly, but again not seeing an end to this craziness.


There was another natural break with some other correspondence.  The best was probably with Rich.  His son had sent him a movie of his grandson that he couldn’t open on his laptop.  Cute kid.  I know Rich is very proud of him.

We’re back … we had to do some more correspondence.  Seems like a lot of things are falling into place, AND of GREAT excitement – is that the Plural Group actually was doing more writing again.  Maybe it’s just today because it’s a Saturday.  We’re starting to have some problem focusing hmm.  Let’s see we sent mail to the Quilting Girls, my Mother, and Dr. Marvin … I think we have to get more medicine on Tuesday to cover the holiday period when we won’t be seeing him. 

Hmm, we will have to leave pretty soon I think … we’re too cold here and although we have a blanket on, Rich said we could turn on the fireplace.  That’s a good deal.  Maybe in a half hour when we take our medicine we could make the big move.  I’m realizing that we’ve said very little about the event except the one negative spot.  Other than that all seemed very good.  Everyone seemed to get along and there was a lot of conversation and catching up at lunch.  We were probably more centered on the dogs than anything heavy after lunch at Maury’s, but in general it went really well. 

I will say that during the driving and lunch, we took a lot of rasping!  It seems fair in that there are three of them and only one of us.  Hehehe well sorta!  That was part of the centeredness was that they were having fun with our various parts … I don’t know if they knew it or not … No one says those kinds of things out loud.  But, even when complaining about who played the dog game on top of the door … they know different parts are responding.  I don’t think they hurt anyone.  Most of it is so gosh darn funny!  They work very quickly in their speech and it just leads from one thing to another.  Joe was just coming off of a very bad cold, so he was a little off, but I think in general he hangs back a little when the three are together.  There was a funny moment when Joe put his leg on the railing and somehow challenged Thom to do the same.  Joe’s leg extended in a 90 degree arc, but Thom only held his up about a foot.  Had to giggle about that.  There was one point they were throwing toothpicks at me too.  Hmm…

Other than that I think it was all mental challenges.  I didn’t really feel in charge of most things, but better than I have sometimes in the past.  It was a funny feeling when I brought up my big concern and then Thom took it over to be protecting the “rights” of his brothers.  That seemed very natural to me.  He’s been a spokesman a lot.  I really hope that means he’s taken care of some of my issues underneath the fence.  I don’t have to be in it or solve the problem, I do need some sense that they are taking care of each other.  They’ve always been a strong team before. 

I wish I could collect all the funny things that were said, but again memory AND privacy.  Well as far as a blogging mother goes.  It was one of my favorite days ever!  We might need a nap and to dream on it a bit.


Just a holiday catch-up as to the activities ... little coordination goes a LONG way!

  • Conversation started today
  • Ann Ludford Garvey
    Ann Ludford Garvey

    Hi hi Good morning and all. I just wanted to update you on the holiday plans. We just finished talking to Laura ... and we think things are coming together pretty well. On Wednesday, I will be coming to Aurora for the volunteer work by 11:30-11:45 am. Then after that is over at 2 or so, i will go to Bolingbrook to pick up Thom and Austin. Laura has arranged to drop Austin at your Dad's by 2:30 pm. Rich will be home by 3 pm if you wanted to go directly to our place. We should be coming in an hour after you. We'll be having pizza (store bought with extra sausage and cheese added), chips, and Rich will have a desert of simple chocolate graham cracker cookies with Marshmallow flush between them. If you would like to bring anything around that - that would be fine. Maybe if you were to bring anything ... If your MIL would be drinking could you bring that? I'm not sure if Thom would drink with Austin here, but he'd be the other concern, but we're not planning to buy anything. We'll tell him the same thing, if he wants anything he should pick it up before getting here. Let me know what you'd like to do with your MIL. Thom and Austin will be staying overnight, and we have to have Austin back in Villa Park by noon so he can go to his other Grammas at 12:30 (Villa Park). That would put Rich, Thom and us at your place by about 12:30-12:45 pm. I think that means we'd be able to be around your "football game" ... I don't know exactly what roles the guys will play, but I hope to catch some good spectating. I'll probably bring my walker to sit. Rich has a ham he'll cook before leaving here and he'll cook sweet potatoes too for your place. He'll need the broiler just to do the marshmallow part before we eat. Rich will see his mother before we leave to drop off Austin. I think we're planning to leave here Thursday morning about 10:45 am. I'm not aware of any time contraints after Thurday dinner. I hope we get a chance to sit around and talk. Most likely we'll be bringing Thom back to his Dad's if we can't get hiim to come back another night. I don't think your Dad will be home by then, so it's a matter if Thom wants company. It will be the last we see him before he leaves ... My understanding is that he'll fly back to DC on Saturday, Start his two week training at Pentagon on Dec 2, then leave for Japan Dec 16, and then come back to the states (Arizona) for one more week of training Jan 2. And, then he'll settle in back in Japan after that. No one knows for sure whether Duyen and him will work it out so they stay together and she joins him in Japan, but it wouldn't be any sooner than June/July next year. AND, that's about all I know on scheduling and plans. We really look forward to seeing your MIL again Nikki. She seemed like very enjoyable company. We'll also be very happy to have Austin with the girls - though I realize Ame and Isa won't be here Wednesday. I did check again with Joe and Cari, but they couldn't make it Wednesday or Thursday. Let me know if there is anything else we can do or share to make things go smoothly. What a super volcano Week! Especially for you all - guests all around! LOVE YOU GUYS Mom

Friday, November 22, 2013

OMG ... Thom overnight AND now getting to see the THREE boys ... sooooo very excited!

Friday, November 22, 2013 @ 7:37 am

Good morning!  Just us and we’re a little tired, but happiness reigns in the land ;)  Mostly because Thom stayed over yesterday and it was like a pajama party!  He and us stayed up until about 1:30 am.  I think he’s just like that and was working through a situation in his regular life through the phone, so we got the good parts in-between … We had a lot of fun talking through a movie.  I don’t know what the name of it was, but had something to do with Gangs in NY a long time ago when NY was just young and a lot of immigrants were coming in.  Maybe if I thought long and hard enough I’d remember the star of the show … I know he’s famous but we’re terrible with names. 

Aha!  That wasn’t hard to find … the movie WAS called Gangs of New York (2002) and the star I was thinking about was Leonardo DiCaprio.  Also Cameron Diaz and Daniel Day-Lewis

Anyway it was a good movie to watch and like we said stayed up until 1:30 am, but was getting tired and then Thom was like well gotta go to bed and he said there was about a half hour left so we could watch it or if we were tired, he’d just tell us the ending.  So, we opted for the latter and was soon in snugly-land. 

*Sigh* Life is good AND this is the day we’re meeting ALL THREE BOYS!!!!  Just crazy excited.  I’s 7:53 am now and we’ll have to leave the house about 9:30 am.  I think Thom woke up for a short bit … got some water and is now in his room on the phone.  The guy keeps a busy social/work calendar.  Hehehe good attachment to phone.  At first I thought someone was talking outside the house because it was so muffled, but finally figured it out. 

I guess we’re kinda muffled too in that our head isn’t thinking any straighter than seeing my boys.  I don’t really understand why this simple thing is being SOOO profound, but it is just one of the hottest Mom things that could happen.  I’m imagining there will be some serious things, but mostly just fun.  I hope everyone is bringing their best game!  It will be one of the top highlights of Thom’s trip home.  AND, we’re thinking we’re putting unprecedented excitement in having a new picture of all three boys, but we know that will be very important for the day too.  We’ve looked at the picture of the three of them so often – once when Thom was just going into bootcamp, and then the other two years ago, when Thom had been home. 

Ahh, we are getting a few minutes to talk to Melanie the wife of one of Rich’s earliest friends.  It’s always an honor when we connect.  It doesn’t happen often enough, but very happy when it happens J

In other news?  Not much really happening.  Yesterday we did meet with Dr. Marvin, and it was a pretty good meeting … we seemed to be on top of the things going on in our life, although we’ve been remiss with our work on Multiplicity.  Just haven’t been able to concentrate.  I KNOW you know why!  But, we did talk about some general catching up with things like Thom being in town, what’s happening with Rich and us, a little about the Multiplicity, but we’re not getting a very good memory of all that.  I know the first thing we talked about was the parking garage being full where we usually park, and having to walk farther toward a second garage on the other side of UIC hospital.  It was hard finding a space there too.  I was grateful there were some stone benches half way in-between so we could stop and rest.  It’s a little scary to think that we might have to worry about parking EVERY time we go.  We hope it has been just a fluke. 

At the very end of the session – we looked at the clock and said … well we’re pretty much through, but SINCE we had to park so far away, we weren’t going to let him go a moment early.  So, we asked about stuff going on in his world, and he told us about interviewing the new residents.  He says about 10 people get the position of about 120 that apply … He says they have really good people being hired for the positions, and that they also have ways to get other residents placed where they might want to be as first priority too.  Dr. Marvin amazes us all the time.

BUT, we did let him go on time … just a wild few minutes to talk about stuff he’s doing instead of all the time about us. 

After we got done with Dr. Marvin’s, we went to pick up Thom.  We had no problem getting there and when we’d checked in to tell him when we’d be picking him up at his dads, he said he was STARVING!  It was really strange though.  Thom had talked to his father about something or other and he guessed right that we’d both be getting there at the same time.  We haven’t seen our ex since Joe and Cari’s wedding three years ago.  We had just pulled up and then he and an old college friend – now living in the area (think they are best friends) any way they pulled up behind me and then we got confused, because we were in his driveway and I didn’t know if we were blocking him, and then there was the awkward, ok, here we are … now what?

But, he got out of the car very quickly and Thom followed a little more tentatively, but my ex came over to my side of the car and extended his arms to give us a hug.  Man-o-man … we didn’t’ see that coming.  It felt very natural and I actually enjoyed it.  It was a nice hug … not too short, not too long.  In the process of him going from his side of the car to ours, he invited us into his house three times.  That was a bit awkward too, and I knew that Thom wouldn’t take too long to get ready because he’s always on time, but his father like stood by the door and gave us one more wave forward and so we figured that was just going to happen.

We of course had been curious about his house, and it was indeed very nice from what we saw in the entryway.  Thom had come down after a minute and seemed eager to go.  We looked around once and saw the general outline where there was an open living room/dining room to the left – most of the house after that then straight ahead, and a nice staircase to the right.  We had problems looking up so were more attuned to the ceramic floor than much other.  I remember thinking that the walls were painted nicely, but I couldn’t tell you know what color, because things were happening so fast. 

I think he wanted us to see his house, though I’m not sure why.  I am pretty sure he’s proud of it and might have wanted to show it off a bit.  I don’t get the impression that he has lingering bad thoughts of us, just that our worlds don’t often connect so when they do it’s a pretty big deal.  I remember at the door him moving around in the space, and Tom (my ex’ friend) teased Thom about having 7 minute conversations at best, so I’m guessing they just keep missing each other.

We knew that Ann was out which made things a little more cloudy.  I think it was a good encounter just don’t know what to do with it mentally.  I remember some sense of being in a comparison mode.  I think our impression was that he definitely had the fancier more luxurious home … don’t remember seeing furniture, but that we felt our home felt more inviting as to it’s warmth.  I don’t mind that we walk into a blank breezeway through the sunroom and then into the kitchen – we do like how our place opens from the sliding doors so you are seeing the fireplace, kitchen table, kitchen and part of the living room all with one good long glance.  It’s like we’re not hiding things and once upon walking in you are at the heart of our home.  We really like everything just mentioned and we like that in our living room, it is mostly taken up by a large wrap around couch.  Whether it takes up enough or too much room is another question, but in general we like that it feels like a really nice big social area to take in welcomingly anyone who might come in. 

I suppose it might not be a good idea to make comparisons, but it’s what happens.  The house my ex and his wife own in Bolingbrook seems very much like a few that we’d looked at.  The one that I loved the most had the same living room dining room, but it had an open loft over the dining part which we loved and the living room was two story.  We also in the ones we looked at walked into the house as his did, b and you would have an open kitchen, breakfast table and great room – usually with a fireplace.  I’ll ask Thom today to clarify if it was like that or other.  But, after that, we will probably put housing aside. 

Hmm, thinking we have to take a break now because we have to get in our shower.  Yup yup … we’ll be back, but THINKING about what’s ahead!

Good good. Showered and everything.  We’re not going to do much housework this morning if anything.  Mostly, because we only have a little longer to write and that seems more important to us now than anything.  We are showered and dressed and only have to grab our medicine, use the washroom, grab the coat and we’re out the door … should remember to take some water too.  We usually keep one in the car and that’s now gone.  We have money and credit card in our coat pocket.  Hmm, thinking we better look in the bank to see what we can cover.  Thom’s going to argue, but we’re going to say it’s a MOM thing to take care of lunch costs.  Thom is very generous about paying, but we don’t think he should pay everything – especially because this is “MY event” Hehehe.

Hmm.  Looks good we have $187 in the “petty cash” account.  That’s WAY more than we will need.  It looks like we’ve paid our furniture payment, gas, electric, and cable, but only have $1100 in that account and we haven’t paid rent on land yet so that will put at us only $660 going into next month.  Pswhoo … life is tough.  BUT we’re making it!  I know I know the world of high finances.  It blows me away that some people actually have from thousands to hundred thousands to millions put in their accounts and we’re struggling with a $187 balance.  I guess it’s always been like this for us though so will most likely remain the same forever.  We’re still on the plus side, but a little upset, could jar everything.  Ok, you … have to keep positive!

After Thom and us left his father’s place, we stopped by our favorite train restaurant.  We were talking all through the car drive and through eating.  We had our favorite PLUS two Bloody Mary’s and he had some kind of a wrap and just pop.  We got home and he was working on some of his stuff and we were just taking care of light business, and then when Rich came home he brought pre-cooked fried chicken.  It wasn’t the greatest, but was fine.  After dinner Thom went back to his computer – he was sitting on the sitting room side of the fire, and then Rich and us talked at the table for a bit.  Eventually we all worked our way to the living room and had a nice time watching/talking through TV.  And, then about 9 pm, Rich went to bed, and you know the rest … PJ PARTY! 

AHA!  Thom is up and is fixing all the remotes.  He figured out how to make the TV’s work off one remote other than two.  He did the LR last night, and is looking at the other three … our bedroom and sewing room shouldn’t be any problem, but I’m not sure if our guest room is just too old.  He’ll look AND we still got twenty minutes.  WooHOO!!!

I know shouldn’t put guests to hard labor, but it WAS something he came up with on his own.  We haven’t given Rich a chance to know what Thom’s done, but I KNOW he’s going to be happy.  Having a second remote is always a hassle. 

Ok, just stalling the moments here.  Better get the medicine, water and what left?  Reading back … Ok, good good … just have to grab our coat.  I’m afraid all Thom’s waking up time is like working on remotes L  BUT, he KNOWS it’s making our life happy … eh, he could watch TV and it would make us happy too! 

Just checked his room to make sure he didn’t leave anything.  Everything he’s got now is in the LR.  He was able to do Three of the four remotes.  *sigh*

I think we’re a little hyper and don’t want to lose any of these moments.  SO what else in the experience?  He’s watching something about hmm, I don’t know commercial.  Maybe he’s skipping channels a bit.  That works.  We talked a little bit about his hyper activity.  Just he moves really fast like we used to at his age.  Thing is his mind is ALWAYS thinking … we were like probably having flying dreams ;)

Hmm, forensic scene think its CSI. 

Maybe we should do the posting … just don’t want to leave.


Thursday, November 21, 2013

It's going to be another Thom day - time is passing quickly...

Wednesday, November 20, 2013 @ 1:15 pm

Good afternoon.  We’re going to see if we can post this time, AND not lose the copy.

We’re still chasing Rich around the house picking up after him … GRRRR…. If I clean the house the next dish I see better be in the sink!  Then he had a week of mail on the table so I sorted through to be filed, thrown or that he would have to look at … then I put it next to his recliner which he is using as his office, and then he came in yelling because he didn’t know where his paperwork was … BY YOUR CHAIR.  HMPF!  If it’s on the kitchen table AND you want me to clean, then it doesn’t belong there.  AND, we’ve crossed the bordering giving him permission to put our drafting table in his empty/office JUST to get it out of the sitting room, but now he’s saying maybe not?!??

He did move the majority of his stuff from the sunroom back to the back office/room.  That was nice.  He has a satisfactory station set back there.  His parts had frozen soaking in water out in the sunroom.  He said he would move the buckets that are now in the guest bathtub out when Thom comes.  Little crabby about that.  BUT, not enough to get CRANKY about.  Didn’t want to see him freezing his fingers though.  *sigh* best to be adaptable?  That seems to be the thing.

I’m not winning the battle of getting our own REAL Christmas tree though this year.  I wanted to keep it in the Sunroom.  He said too much money … BOOO…

We had a heart to heart … pretty much me listening and asking questions.  Rich gave me my Christmas budget.  Basically, it was the amount he’d borrowed from me to pay for taxes, so we should come out even except his gift.  I haven’t thought that far ahead.  Maybe we’ll do it like last year where we put some money aside for household stuff.  This year we need more towels.  We got some for the girls for housewarming, but those are for guest.  My collection came before Rich moved in.  There were 12 sets in an off-white, but by now they’re like sheddy.  I think we have used to much bleach over the last half year of being at the new house.  Just been so pleased to be able to clean them frequently *sigh*

I think we told you last time that Thom bought us the microwave.  He’s so cool.  Maury bought us the GPS and we’re now using that faithfully too!  We got the blender and a TV AND the SHARK floor cleaner all around my birthday.  Thinking we’ve go about everything we need.  Hmm, maybe we can do a family gift of a snow blower this year.  I don’t want to make that HIS gift because it’s no fun.  We’ll have to ask him what.  Think he needs underwear too, but that’s not fun EITHER!  It will go on a list though.  I don’t think there is anything I want … haven’t thought of it yet.  We’ll put that on a back burner. 

OH MAN OH MAN!  Just thought!  My mother usually gives us some Christmas money – we can say since the kids are getting something that that money goes to pay for part of the roof!  Rich says at the beginning of the new Year that we should both put $250 toward the building fund (savings).  We asked him if we had that much and he said barely.  I’m a little worried because I stay even at getting a couple hundred a month.  I’m not sure if we’ll have “fun money.”  Best not to worry about it.

Hmm, I wonder if we could FINALLY finish Rich’s quilt for Christmas?  Need to do Cari’s and Joe’s too leftover from their wedding.  Right now both have quilts up to the stage where they are quilted, and only need the binding.  Have to think hard on that one.  Thinking now what I might ask for.  I could ask for fabric and thread to sew new bedroom curtains and matching curtains for the master tub and small window in there.  That be three windows and one tub area.  And, then if I get his quilt made, then he has to hang – maybe with Maury’s help the fish quilt on the sitting room wall!  That be a good deal.  The curtains that the others had were from the 70’s and didn’t even match.  And the curtains in the bath tub area are white and blue strips like the stuff from pillow liners.  REALLY needs to change, but some of this other stuff was MORE important. 6 x 3 + 2 x 3 +7 x 5 + 7 x 2 + 5 x 6 + 3 x 3 PLUS the seat cushion 7 x 5 =

Wow seems like a lot.  I’m thinking like 14 yards @ $11.50 = $161 BUT that doesn’t include the extra rippling part.  6 x 4.5 + 2 x 4.5 + 7 x 8.5 + 7 x 3 + 5 x 9 + 3 x 4.5 + 7 x 6 = shoot this is getting hard … and it doesn’t include if we put in a top ruffle thing … Maybe that won’t happen … and it doesn’t include if there will be tie backs.

4 + 1.5 + 5 + 2.1+ 1.5 + 3 + 3 + 5 = 25 x 12.50 = $315

Ok, been sitting here figuring that a lot … Definitely has to be reworked, but I think if we could do curtains for about $300 that would be a pretty good deal considering what most of them cost.  Think the curtains would be some single or combination of a pink, blue and green … more like powder colors.

Well, we’ll get back to that in a bit.  We looked through about 650 colors from Jinny Beyer … too far away from the project to consider it too seriously yet.  First we want to get Rich’s approval as to what he thinks about me getting curtain fabric for Christmas.  Definitely go again with Jinny though … it’s my favorite place to shop … I love the 2-3 tone colors.  And, it will work really well in the room … the background is an off white so that could be a consideration too … too soon to tell.  It does fit my usual Christmas demands in that we like something to be able to play with.  I’d also like to get from JoAnn’s a better cushion for the window seat since we’re doing it over again, but would have to figure out how to sew something that might be 2-3” thick.  I’m pretty sure too that most things like that come with zippers, but we’d be willing to just fold something under – more of a flap … we’ll see. 

I thought for a bit of putting up some kind of quilt for curtains, but I think that would be too much … and I like the loose wavy curtains over something straight. 

Good good.  We just vacuumed the sunroom – four more rooms to go and we’ll want to bring the carpet cleaner though the sitting room.  I know you’ve heard this before, right?  Dishes are done and the first of two loads through today is in the dryer – with the other being in the washer.  Good deal there.  I still want to vacuum all the rooms and get the litter and garbage out.  Should put away the dishes too, and clean the surface of Rich’s coffee table.  The sunroom SURE does look good! I hope there isn’t too much problems with Rich’s mess back in his workroom.  Think that’s what it’s going to be called – never made it to an office quite, but it is his to do as he pleases. 

I wonder if these thoughts are being brought to you by the Christmas music in the background? 

Let’s see we’ll empty clean dinner dishes from the dishwasher tomorrow, make the bed, make sure the clothes are picked up and clean the bathrooms.  I don’t think we’re going to have to empty garbage twice so if anything that would wait until tomorrow morning.  Then just shower, make popcorn and get out the door.  We leave here for Dr. Marvin’s at 9 am, appointment at 11 am, out at 12 and then pick up Thom about 1:15-1:30 pm.  We’ll have to give him a call as we’re leaving the garage at UIC to tell him how long it will be.  I think he’s thinking 2 pm.  Not too much problems.  We will talk to Rich about what we’re having for dinner tomorrow night.  I think we’re having left over pork roast and sauerkraut tonight.  It was good last night.

And, we had some fun last night too – in general … we didn’t get as grouchy as we have been.  Seems that my medicine is running out of its power the last couple of hours – so that it might be better to consider taking it closer to 5-6 pm.  I know there is some backlash, because that’s about the time that Rich is coming home and we have to adapt our schedule to his … Usually there are things he wished that I’d gotten done … or if we did everything right, he wants to talk negatively about some of the stuff that happened to him, AND its dinner so we’re both tired and hungry. 

We left Linda a note a while ago.  Nothing much for her to do, but we’d been talking to her about what kind of plans he might have, so this seems like a good thing to fill in that space.  This is the third day in a row we haven’t felt like keeping up the progress of our Multiple Works.  I think we’re going back to that it’s been exciting and harder to concentrate with Thom in town.  We have to remind ourselves we can’t flood him with too much Mom, but it surely is hard.  I hear that a lot from other Marine Moms … their adult kids are more independent and don’t like the overwhelming emotional needs of Mom.  Thom agreed we’re doing better.  There was one problem getting confused coming out of Chicago last week.  He said that we almost lost all the good Mom ground we’d had in the last two days.  He’s serious and not serious at the same time.  He wouldn’t disown me, but we didn’t want the one bad experience shadowing his good memories with us.  He pulled over, and we just sat for a moment and then said, which was true.  We forgot to take our medicine and that we’d do that right away.  It worked PSHWOO!

There got another room vacuumed … Maybe we’d actually get to washing the kitchen floor too?  Can’t believe how much stuff collects under the sink in one week.  Blah!  We parked the machine in front of the bedroom next … then we’ll do the LR at the same time and then bring it toward the sitting room.  Hmm, just got some more pop and threw away a few things like popcorn wrapper on desk.  This time cleaning doesn’t seem so bad.  It helps when Rich is out of the house and we can rest between things.  

In other news, we did see Dr. Marvin yesterday.  It was fine, but we were a little unglued.  We talked about the depression we were dealing with through feeling loss of Thom.  Today was much better; because we were realize we’re going to be seeing him more.  That’s truly a joy.  I feel the same toward Joe and Maury, but it makes a difference when you are years between visits.  I will call Maury later tonight to make sure he knows to expect Thom for Thanksgiving at his place and at ours the day before.  I’m sure it will be fine, but want to dot all the I’s and cross the t’s.  So happy!!!!  Just wish the ups and downs were a little smoother. 

I have to get my mind off Thom.  I’m probably driving my readers crazy! 

Must be the X-mas music!  Hehehe Pretty sure Thom’s not going to go for that. 

Back to Dr. Marvin’s.  We seemed also to go over again some of our thoughts, and we asked a lot of questions as to what he thinks of many hot spots in the “literature” (non-psychiatry) as to how things we’re lining up.  We found ourselves really confused because our thoughts were mixed up a lot when reading so much other stuff some contrary to what we’d believed before.  I don’t think my beliefs have become more limited, they are more expanded though as to other possibilities.  I think both Dr. Marvin and I agreed that about 90-95% of Multiples are created through trauma.  Trauma is giving more flexibility than saying everyone has gone through sexual abuse, but I still believe us to have gone through it.  We also talked about the brain synapse, the hippocampus and amygdala being smaller, but them not understanding why or how it happens.  I think we read something about 7 years ago though that explained it to a degree.  That would take more reading.  We told him our frustration of regular people not getting reading materials from the psych journals or papers, we talked about.

There vacuumed the bedroom and living room AND we folded another load of clothes and putt the last one in the dryer.  Good girl!  OH and we vacuumed kitty fur on the coach.  Missy has just one spot she likes to sit where the two major cushions meet.  She likes the little divot.     

As to what we were saying with Dr. Marvin was that things were getting really out of whack with the differences of Multiple belief.  He did look through for me at all the different new connections we’d been making.  We asked him what he thought and if there were things we could improve, but as usual with that sort of thing he doesn’t add too much.  He usually points out something he wasn’t familiar with.  By now then he’s gone over a few things at Andraea’s site and now the site of PODS – Carolyn Spring.  She’s from England and her husband’s a therapist and they have a huge site with hundreds of articles.  I don’t like the way they are putting out that theirs is the only way to think about things.  They come off as authoritative, and it does seem that they’ve done their homework, but when you start concluding yours is the only way to think, it alienates others who like to think for themselves and put together their own conclusions. 

I feel like Jack Web … just the facts Ma’am, just the facts.

There done vacuuming.  I vacuumed both the sitting room AND Thom’s room.  Good Mom!  The thing that really gets messed up is the cats have a shredding box in there and there always things to be picking up.  Just they love the box.  It’s got corrugated edges and bottom so they run by and scratch in it and when the fire is on Missy likes to sleep in the box near the fire.  Eh … just the way our household runs.

I’m surprised that Rich isn’t home yet.  I thought he was only going out for a couple of hours.  It is giving me a chance to get plenty done.  After the clothes finish drying I’ll fold them hopefully before he needs the counter for cooking.  It’s about 3:30 pm, so I think I’m going to make it, and then if we’re really inspired we will wash the kitchen floor tonight sometimes after dinner.  Then it won’t get messed up before Thom gets here.  Hehehe – if they at least know you TRIED to keep it clean!  Won’t come down to hard on messy cooks. 

I think we’re done talking about Dr. Marvin now.  Any last thoughts?  Oh one thing … we asked him if he was ever going to do anything with Multiplicity and if it was in his career track.  BUT, he said no.  He said that’s my work.  We weren’t thrilled with that answer.  But, we might be more bias … what could be more interesting than Multiples?  Ok, ok … no fair, BUT it is the way we think.

It is funny though when my boys are around most thoughts about multiples being unique fall off the wall.  Nothing is more important than your kids.  That goes for their families too!

I wonder if they are feeding Thom yet or if everyone is still going out for dinner.  I am thinking not late enough to be calling Maury … maybe around dinner time he’d be driving home.  I think he has to work only 2 more days and he’s going to get 8 days off!  So excited!

Hmm, we progressed that.  We called and left a message with Maury and we talked to Joe.  Joe hadn’t heard Thom’s schedule got locked down.  I’m sure Maury will call me when driving home from work.  We have to ask him if he had his work transfer go through.  Last time we talked he said that he was trying to switch over to the Comcast office closer to his home.  He really likes the people he was working with – most of them I’m sure, but having a five minute drive over a 45 minute drive would really be much better for the family.  It would give him an extra hour or two every day.  That’s a lot when you have a family.  After the dryer stops, I think we’ll take a shower, and then we’ll be able to turn on the fire place.

This wasn’t a really good day for thinking concrete thoughts and ideas.  Happy with the Holiday music … my favorite song from Trans-Siberian Orchestra is playing.  It has kids singing and it’s just hauntingly beautiful.  Please remind me to put this back on after Thom leaves and we’re feeling sorry for ourselves.  I’ve got to keep thinking that its pride in Thom that should be most prominent right now.  He’s doing really good.  AND, he’s coming back tomorrow!  Joe says he has a difficulty with the time because it means pushing over the jobs he would normally do Friday night to Cari.  Don’t want to see that happening.  But, don’t know what Maury has scheduled before.  If he’s working it would be impossible.  I asked Joe to call Thom if he’d like to reschedule, and just let me know.  I’m so crazy excited that I will be seeing our boys … it’s just incredible.  Yes, make sure the camera is working.  Hmm, I wonder what we did with our other camera?  I think we decided it took the lesser of pictures.    It would be really fun if the boys would do some fun shots, not sure where they will be though.  This time will be different in that there is no snow. 

Hmm, might go take my shower before the clothes are dried … need to handle all this extra energy!

AHA!  Fresh ANN!!!  13 more minutes to turn on the fireplace.  Hmm, think maybe we could do this just a few moments early?  Dryer is stopping … surely this must be prophetic!  We fold clothes in the kitchen on the other side of the table in front of the fire place.  Yup yup … WAY into happyland.  I think Rich will excuse me TWELVE minutes!

Thursday, Novembe 21, 2013 @ 8:17 am

Good morning.  This is us … we’ve been up for almost a couple of hours and took some time to be reading through emails, and then we did the last moment stuff like bathroom, kitty litter, garbage and some general picking up – which was just a few things. 

We now have 45 minutes before we leave to Dr. Marvin’s.  Hmm finished up … did the dishwasher too and am popping the popcorn.  Good deal.  I’ve got a clean car and gas and should be stopping to pick-up Thom on the way back. We were doing a little Mom-work in that we ran through some paces to guarantee everyone is good with the arrangements for tomorrow.  I think we stated that we were only going to be meeting the three boys and Thom asked that we not have Rich there because that might cause unrest as to why the others couldn’t bring their partner or family.  This is really going to be just about me and my three sons.  I AM looking forward to seeing others on Wednesday and Thursday next week.  I called Joe to make sure he knew something was happening both days, but he confirmed he and Cari couldn’t make it.  But Maury’s family, Nikki’s ex-MIL and Thom will be there along with Rich and us.  Good Deal!

I will talk to Thom about doing the volunteer work on Wednesday too.  It would be great fun for Maury’s family, but I’m not sure if Thom is up to that kind of thing.  We will pick him up Wednesday so we’re not sure then if we will pick him up earlier or later either before or after the volunteer work with Maury’s family.  AND, we changed the time.  It seemed that it didn’t matter to Thom and both Maury and Joe were sacrificing things they would normally be doing with their families.  The time got bumped up then to 11:30 am – which is before Maury’s family gets out of school and gets into all their evening chaos, and it will allow both Joe and Cari to do their karate programs as previously scheduled.  It also is better for me, because Rich worries when we drive home at night particularly when we’re tired.  It also then frees up Thom if he wants to get something together with his peers during the evening.  I’d love to have him back, but right now just hoping his father will leave early to TX and it will mean more time with Thom here.  I am hoping he takes here over staying at his father’s empty house.  We are really good with the car too in that if he wants it it’s always his.  I know he’d rather cut down on the miles and he is really comfortable at his Dad’s and seems to have found a niche for studying over there, but you know Mom’s they take as much of their kids as they can get.

It will be really nice having him for Thanksgiving.  We obviously are going to miss him at Christmas, but he gets four days off at that point while in Japan, so he’ll have time to pull together something for his living quarters.  I think he will be staying on or off base in some kind of hotel situation. 

There almost forgot … we didn’t drink our shake yet.  We finished talking to Rich about plans for dinner tonight.  I’m not sure what all he’s into today.  I think this might be the day he takes his mother to check on her neck up in Rockford.  I’m not sure but I think he’s going to be around here before and after that … he talked about doing some work with the piece parts.  His directions were don’t mess up anything … clear the parts soaking in Thom’s shower Hehehe, AND to bring the water in.  Otherwise I think we’re all set.

I know I know this is getting on the Ridiculist … just we’re a little excited and there is just 15 more minutes before the next phase starts.  I’m REALLY excited – did I say that part already?  Shoot!

Hmm, did we do any work on the Multiple stuff?  Not really.  We did read a little more from Astraea’s site.  We read Andy Temple’s papers.  We’ll go back to them again.  And, we did get a note from Jordan one of Astraeas about the banner over at his site.  If I read it correctly we will get a listing of our blog in the section he has for his personal webpage index, and then we might get then a listing on his contact page to our mind map.  We came up with two new labels one for each site, because we weren’t so crazy about the wordles.  They didn’t say anything, especially the titles of our links.  That was some fun … we’re using Picmonkey now and am enjoying the part of their service which is free.

We’ll use one of them for our picture for this blog entry.  Speaking of … just a few more minutes so we should probably post.  Be looking forward on the other end.  The one thing we do want to appreciate is that although we seem to be writing a little more, it will be the record we go back to when Thom isn’t here.  It will have a lot of Thom thoughts.  Not so excited we lost 2 days of records this last week and a half, but then maybe that’s just the way it was supposed to happen?

Anyway take care!


I’m not sure what we’ll talk to Dr. Marvin about … 

Monday, November 18, 2013

This one was cut short - lost in the copy paste ... we'll figure in the morning what we lost :(

November 17, 2013 @ 2:00 pm

Afternoon.  This is just us.  It's an odd time to write, but realistically this is as soon as we could get to it.  It was a lazy morning, just doing a little correspondence and checking in to the Mind Map (MM) program.  I have to rebuild our belief that everything is going fine.  We worked from about 3 am until about 7 pm last night and it was seeming to get a little fuzzy.  That's never a good thing.

So we checked out that, did mail and such, and we talked to Linda a bit.  She's out of town and at the time was in a very hot hotel room.  She was doing a coin show with her husband and visiting her mother in the meanwhile.  Then we got our shower and before long - we got into this weather system that is just ending now 2 - 2 1/2 hours later.  I had a very hard time concentrating.

Basically, in our county of NE LaSalle, we were under tornado and severe thunderstorm warnings and there was hail and 60 mph wind gusts ... AND, we live in a mobile home.  I hope all storms aren't this scary, but still getting scared.  Rich was gone about the first hour, but then came home.  We talked for a while, and then he went in the sunroom to work on his piece parts, and we watched the weather news throughout.  It's still on in the background, but for now it's past Chicago area and we're just getting pictures of the tornado damage. We were also getting emergency weather warnings from an emergency service which gave us the specific details for our county as well as showing some Doppler radars of the storm.

They are showing pictures now of a crowded stadium where the Bears play.  They had the game on indefinite suspension AND O'Hare was closed down.  Now they are saying it will be about an hour and then those things will get back to normal.  The storms have totally passed.  During the beginning-middle of the event we just sat out in the sunroom until Rich got home.  I had forgotten how nice it was.  We had called Rich about the storm and he had had us pull down the shade things for broken glass if that occurred.  It was very loud out there and the wind/rain/sleet come down in sheets and we watched it dance across the neigbors roof.  Eh, he just had it replaced, he was probably good.

Ok, we're moving on.  I wonder if Rich is going to come in and fix his TV recording of the Bears game.  they say it is resuming how in 45 minutes.

Soooo what else has been going on?  Hmm, shoot shoot.  Rich is now inside for a late lunch.  AND being a guy he's commandeering the remotes.  That means we're going to lose our weather station.  Hmm football game is JUST starting .. it was 1:52 hour/minute delay.  Good background stuff.  But, Rich made it smell good with chicken noodle soup.  We just had popcorn.  SOMEone needs to go shopping!

Back to this week?  Well last we had written it was Tuesday night, but we lost that note.  Not sure what happened.  We were on the big computer and then we just lost track of it and couldn't seem to find it.  Lost time as to who was out or what might have happened to it.

The big news of course was that Thom was over.  We picked him up at 11 pm on Monday and then returned him about 1 pm on Wednesday over at his Dad's.  He was such a joy to have around.

We had stopped on the way home and picked up some hamburgers, and then we ate them here at the house, and then I think Rich got here later and dropped off some roast beef and hard rolls for Italian Beefs.  He had to go back to his mother's, but got home not too much later.  He finished dinner with us.  He had also thrown in some polish sausages so that was nice for him.  Thom eats A LOT!  Then as to the general outline, we went to bed at 10 pm.  I am confusing the two days, think the first day was when we wrote then?  Not sure ... I know that Thom was skyping on his computer with someone, and then later I remember him watching TV with Rich.  He likes some of the shows we like like NCIS and then he watches some shows we don't like so much like storage wars.

He did watch Big Bang with us, and Rich had him watching some of his special "male" shows.  You know, guns, killing, autopsies ... that sort of thing.  I think NCIS is special because there's more conversation going on not work related.  I like that part.  Thom likes to talk during TV too.  There is a lot of him correcting the reality of what is being shown and real life.  I think he went in earlier than we did the second night.  I'd fallen asleep sitting next to him - like the olden days, but he went in to Skype with something else.

Wednesday, he didn't get up until 10:45 am and we left pretty soon after.  We had gyros at a stop he knew where his Dad lived, and then we said good-bye.  Oh one more thing ... the only activity really, but other than a LOT of talking he came with us on Tuesday to see Dr. Marvin.  Basically, they both knew that I wanted to show him off.  And, just like the first night when we ate in the kitchen with Thom and Rich, there was a lot of conversation as to what he'd be doing.  I know there were sometimes - he would say can't say because it was secret.  He's very good at keeping secrets.  Some of the stuff isn't top secret, and I followed along the lines he'd left on his LinkedIn.

Wednesday after we got home without him - drive back really, we got pretty depressed and crashed on the recliner.  Don't remember much about time since then.  We did go in to see Dr. Marvin on Thursday, but we got all the way in and went to park at the garage, but they had closed it because they were making a movie somewhere between the parking garage and the streets immediately surrounding the complex of Hospital and out buildings - INCLUDING the one in front of Dr. Marvin's office.  He should have told me, but not sure how much he thought that situation out.  I don't know how much time they gave as a warning, but I think it was a two day mad house for a show on Showtime.  I didn't hear which one when he said it, but I don't watch the channel, so I wouldn't have known about it.

I ended up parking four blocks away, but I couldn't walk that far.  We only talked on the phone for about ten minutes, and Dr. Marvin after checking to see if we were there (hadn't gotten the phone message yet), he took a LOT of time talking to one of his secretaries.  So, it was about 11:20 am when he finally called.  We were a few seconds from leaving so I'm glad we talked to him, but whoever did talk was very depressed.  

Oh one more thing there.  While we were driving Thom had said he was going to buy a big suitcase and go shopping to fill it up.  But, for the time being he had to go to Walmart for tooth brushes and socks because he'd underpacked.  We told him before we got there NOT to buy a suitcase because we had the biggest suitcase airplanes allowed that we got when we went to San Diego to watch him graduate bootcamp.  We had rarely used it since, but had put some really nice money down on it.  So we gave it to him, and he seemed happy.  I know he's on a limited budget and has to go through everything - most likely in building a place to live starting with a bed.

He went inside and we stayed outside on our computer, and when we looked up to watch him walking to the car, he had in the cart a nice size box.  Thom decided since we were giving him a big suitcase that he would like to give Rich and us a microwave.  I know we've talked about it before, but ours has been grinding for the last year.  I couldn't have been happier with his decision or choice.  It's a big deal to our household.

Now it is 4:40 pm ... after Rich sat down to watch the ball game, he caught-up to real time and then decided to watch his taped Sunday morning show.  It was all on Robert F Kennedy.  It was a good program, but now it is that much time later and not much else has happened.  I know ... relax ... like where am I going, right?  During the last several minutes Rich made spaghetti for dinner and I think he has about 20 minutes before heading back to his mothers.  I appreciated he made it before going over.  We tried yesterday waiting until he got back after 7 pm, but it was too much to wait.  We had the cooked sausage part that he was going to put on our pizza.  We didn't eat his, but we WERE really hungry.

Oh, and because he was going over during dinner, he bought us off with some cookies.  That was a good deal.

Hmm, anything more?  I know I'm really short of Thom conversation, but I'm not comfortable going into the details.  Hmm, did we say that before?  We said, we were very proud of him, right?

The sad part of him being gone just to his father's was hard to do.  But, we just worked our way through it.  We took frequent naps, medicine on time, and we didn't expect much of ourselves.  I knew we were feeling better yesterday, because we got so much work done on one of our projects, but then it burnt us out today and we've done little to nothing.

I'm still having problems concentrating.  Rich has been gone now for about 45 minutes.  He had night duty with his Mom.  He said he was going to bring her a hot dog from a local shop ... I think besides grilled cheese and ham - its' her favorite.

Rich came up with an idea earlier yesterday that was pretty exciting.  Her birthday is next week so he's having an open house for her where people like family, church, and neighbors can come over to visit her.  It's a really good idea.  Rich pulled it all together in short order and started the messages out.  We'll go over in the morning and then his kids will be there in the afternoon.  Fair enough deal.  He's just going to have hot dogs and a big sheet cake.  I love how well he takes care of his mother.  She's not drinking at this point, and it is making a lot of difference, AND she's got aids for six hours in the morning and evening, plus all kinds of therapy's.  She has a much busy social life than we do!  Ok, not hard to beat.

Hey did you know ... BEARS WON!!!  YAY!  Ok, that's all the football we know :)

I ran into Vickie online at FB a little bit ago.  That was really nice.  We've been so isolating lately.  I think she's the only one that would miss me.  We're suppose to add more to the page, but I'm not sure.  It seems like a hard thing to do.  We'll see.  It would take the cooperation of various parts.

I'm not one of the parts I think that does much work on the mind map project, but I know about it ... we got tired and haven't been up to it today.  I think we already said that.  We could say something about some of the changes it's gone through this week.

We got a note back from Astraea and it turned out it was ok to use his material, but at this point, I don't know if we're doing it good enough.  It's too much too look at and we have a lot of holes in our minds when we're looking at it.  I think the consensus is that it isnt' good enough, but not sure how we'd improve.  I think the best thoughts is just to keep going forward and that the reason we have so many holes is that relatively we just don't have enough material yet.  BUT, we've got plenty lined up.  It's just that when you look at it as a lifelong decision, then you have to put a little perspective in it and that we aren't really even scratching the surface yet.

We're pretty awed at everything that Astaea has done.  Very appreciative of so much thought that has been put into organizing a thorough understanding of the way things are for Multiples - as successful people in the community.  I can't imagine what has been watched over the years.  He's always been more social than we have.  I'm sure their system has seen rises and falls in the community and sometimes we think that parts of it have been disappointing.  I get that feeling from a lot of people connected to this effort to look for more for Multiples.

I read a little more than half the guest articles that were written and placed in her site before I moved on to my own project of integrating his FAQ ... there we are 1/4 to 1/3 done with the first parts of the work.  I am not getting much feedback so we are working hard at not losing our perspective that things are going well.  I don't think I know or at least have heard from anyone that it is something understandable to others.  Thom said something during the time with Dr. Marvin that made me feel that he was impressed.  He like shook his head when we were talking about intelligence and saying it's not like he's putting together a picture of how a mind works.  That is the nicest thing anybody has said so far.

I guess to be fair, Dr. Marvin appears to be happy with what we're doing, but it's been now quite a while since we felt we really had time to talk to him.  Shoot I hope this isn't going to be a complainy entry.  I hate when that happens.

It feels somewhat I think like a little war going on ... I try to read and understand as much going on in the Multiple community as I can handle at any one time, but then what I'm learning - there's a lot of negative involved.  I think one of the last conversations I had in our blog talked about a conversation with Dr. Marvin where I didn't think he was understanding the questions we were putting forward stirred by the idea of him working on a podcast for the group.  It's a set of ideas that haven't gone away.

Basically, for everyone UIC helps ... hundreds go unhelped.  I just made up that number, I really don't know, but from the number of people out here that are not getting service or the service isn't good ... it's just hard to handle on a day-by-day basis that all that is going on.  I think the one that I hated the most was written by a parent trying to convince someone her child was a Multiple because he was imaginative with his role playing.  I'm just now thinking of how much Austin roleplays - my grandson.  What would it be like for him to have a mother who thought playing was bad and that he should be taking heavy medicine.  I'd like to think this was just a crazy situation of someone putting out that kind of data as sarcasm.  I had saved of course what I had read and then went back to it for some reason or another, and the article "message" was pulled.  I think that was actually a good idea, but find ourselves curious as to why.  Did someone finally realize or was brought to realize how absurd the message had been?  I don't, or will never know, but I've thought a lot of that particular communication.

The problem with Dr. Marvin was that he couldn't come up with an idea for the concept - IF I WAS Communicating PROPERLY, but he couldn't think of a situation to help all the people who weren't being supported psychologically, except to assure they had a way to find the appropriate services.  That to me read like ... ok, we're going to sit here, and then if you can make it to our building, and meet a specialist, you may or may not be helped, depending on what that particular doctor thinks of as helping you.  Maybe there are standards within each medical care unit, but I don't really think there is anything going on to say how treatment should proceed.  I'm not really even sure of the ethics, because it is so dependent on subjective thought of the doctor.  The first thing that got me there was the "other" doctor, Dr. Moline who was operating from Dr. Marvin's psych unit, but was like a polar opposite, but good for writing a book against what we consider good treatment.  The other thing that stood out was reading the arguments of the student doctors.

We're back again.  It is 8:29 pm ... I probably won't stay up too much longer, and we'll definitely post this time, because I'm sure we're getting pretty long here and we're USUALLY long anyway.

Rich had come home with groceries and we helped him put them away, and then some time happened and then I remember we had dinner and he had about 3-4 calls and one was a bad one and it was hard to listen to.  Hmm, thinking there was some problems too because we were having bad reactions to Rich's tone ... he gets excited and it feels like he's yelling at us.  And there was the cookie thing.  I think we wrote about it.  But, there was a long thing that he wants to consider a conversation, but there is no talking back and forth ... he's just impressing his thoughts about stuff we're doing wrong.  We had problems and ended up hiding behind a pillow because we were so triggered.  He said something about us leaving and finding a place we could feel better, but then when we started going to the sitting room, he was frustrated again because we didn't take our medicine first ... so we came back and got the medicine, and then we went to bed because we couldn't handle any more, and then he told us we had to come back for a kiss, and then he held us for a few moments, and then we went in the bedroom and slept it off until the medicine worked.

Then we woke up because the tv sound changed, he'd put it on hold.  We felt better and Rich was in the kitchen and he was making him and us a surprise.  He had chocolate graham cracker cookies and he put them together with Marshmallow Fluff.  It was very good.  He was watching a show we hadn't seen before about someone that was part human and part machine.  I didn't like it because it was something about harvesting skin for a machine.  It was yucky.  So then, when the show ended we came in the sitting room before he started watching the next show.  It's another mystery/cop something.

That's pretty much how our evenings has been going.  I don't like it.  Now the fire is on and we're trying to settle down again.  Chief is giving me trouble because it's 20 minutes before their dinner and they are getting edgy.  My wrists are tired.

Hmm, we just went to the big computer so we had better pressure on the wrists.  I can’t believe it we’ve been typing all day and we’re only on the 7th page.  We copy pasted to the Word program.

Shoot shoot.  We lost a big part of what we were doing … I thought we’d done much more.  I think at least 2/5 is missing.  I have no idea what was written about, but we remembered writing a part on Thom’s Grampa’s obituary and it isn’t here …Oh man oh man … I have no idea what is missing.  Our head isn’t holding it all together.  This kind of thing gets so frustrating.  I think after we lost the last one a week ago we’d figured how to take better care.  It’s probably a bad idea to do so much typing on the computer in the other room.  It’s comfortable to sit, but we’re not sure about the wrist being tilted and we think in our effort to copy paste periodically, we pasted over something that wasn’t supposed to be pasted over … basically, just lost a whole section.  I didn’t see the part about working through this afternoon and we’re probably missing a big part on the stuff that we were figuring out with our work on the mind map (MM).  I think I’m going to copy paste this over and call it quits.  We are getting too tired to make this work.  Sorry.

It’s official … just skimmed over … we lost everything from 6 am this morning to about 4:30 pm this afternoon.  I guess some days you win, and some days you don’t. *SIGH*