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Dissociative Identity Disorder Blog

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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Saturday - Day Spent Well ... Good Summary of the Week - with lots coming UP!

Saturday, August 31, 2013 @ 4:17 pm

Hi hi ... Just us.  We seem to have taken most the day off other than the work we have been doing with the mind map "next activities" for both Rich and us.  The last act was to include the recent activities I need to do on the bottom of this blog.  I figured that Rich would have to work off his own list.  I did figure out how to print out the Mind map "plex" and how to take a picture of it ... look at the previous two entries.  It didn't turn out well there because the writing was so small that I had to figure out the next way to communicate check the list.

I have to sort out my needs for printing the list through the mind map - on it's own site (both computers) or printing it on my blog page, paper, etc.  There are advantages all around, though we couldn't say the best advantage is to keep us from having to work!  BLAH!

I am pretty satisfied with the list as it sits, but we're going to work on it tomorrow.  Today we've given ourselves time off now to be writing in the blog - although it is already late afternoon, and we will give ourselves permission to do whatever comes to mind tonight with either Rich after dinner, or after dinner working with the mind map again.  Right now we are concentrating on notes through Dell and O'Neil's book on Dissociation.

We're not sure whether we are going to be continuing that although as it is being done and after another section is added, we are very happy with it.  Basically, we have in mind to incorporate the entire book into our mind map.  But, like the Allen book on GTD, we are adding it privately, so others cannot read the material.  I figure that it is ok for us to use it because we purchased the book, but we did not want to get in trouble showing it publicly because of copyright.  We have liberally added credits to each line that we are typing through the thought labels.

WooHOOO!!!!  Guess what?!! Guess What??!!!  This JUST HAPPENED!

Michael
Hi Ann, Laura and I wanted to see if you and Rich would like to have Austin the weekend of September 14th. He's been asking when he would be seeing you again. We are attending a wedding that Saturday so we figured it might be a good fit.
How has your summer been?

4:27pm
Ann
That would be GREAT Michael!!!!  How would you like to arrange travel and when would you like the time to be (picking-up and dropping-off)?  We've had a great summer ... doing a lot of work studying multiples especially through mind mapping.  Having the greatest time!  Hows being married?

4:27pm
Michael
If Sept 14th doesn't fit, we can obviously plan for another weekend that works for you.

4:28pm
Ann
naw it's perfect ... Rich is going out next weekend fishing so he'll be back that weekend
(and it's not a quilting weekend  )
we could do one of the pick-ups if you would like to do the other

4:31pm
Michael
I don't mind driving either or both. I'm flexible. Would you like Austin for both Friday and Saturday night? Of is one night  saturday better?

4:32pm
Ann
If you think he could do it ... WE CAN do it!  Especially if it would help with your wedding plans ... LOVE IT - it would be an honor to do two nights!  Have to send homework
We'll have you bring him out ... and then we can bring him home - really liked the conversations driving with him in the car
It was nice closure

4:34pm
Michael
Austin's on board with two nights. I can dive him down Friday night. I would figure arriving at your house at 7:00pm-ish.

4:34pm
Ann
GREAT!
*big WIDE smile*
If you make sure he has dinner we'll have a snack - and then return him about 1-3 pm if that is good with you

4:35pm
Michael
You can then bring him home Sunday afternoon so you can have driving convo time

4:35pm
Ann
(we'll take care of Sunday brunch/lunch)

4:35pm
Michael
Sounds great
Okay. It's a date.

4:36pm
Ann
LOVE IT!  Have a terrific night!  You've made ours!

4:37pm
Michael
We are excited. He had a great time last visit.
Have a great Labor Day weekend. Let us know of any questions and we will be in touch in the mean time.

4:39pm
Ann
You too!! And congrats to Mr. & MRS!  We're good!

4:44pm
Michael
Oh, to answer your question...being married is great! The wedding turned out beautiful. It couldn't have been a better day. And now that we are married we can focus on everyday living and growing as a family. It's wonderful.

4:48pm
Ann
Happy feet!

Oh MAN OH MAN!!!!  So cool!

Jasmine will be here tomorrow for an overnight and then we'll be meeting with Maury's family on Labor Day.  We'll pick Jasmine up on Sunday about 1-3 pm.  With Jasmine coming that means that all the Grandchildren have been here once and we can really start going to the next round - AND I LOVE IT that AUSTIN is coming back - AND for TWO nights!

So far everyone has enjoyed themselves except it will be Jasmine's first time.  I hope we don't disappoint her.  It SHOULD be fun!

Ok, ok ... have to calm ourselves down again.  Maybe we should figure out where we were just a few moments ago?

Hmm, ok, just skimmed back.  We were talking about incorporating the dissociation book into our life plan.  That's something that came out of sessions with Dr. Marvin this week.  It was pretty splendorous!  We had reserved time for it on Tuesday.  The first half was on the regular business of Ann, but then there was an allowance of time given to be searching out the bigger questions.  I think the way Dr. Marvin helped us frame it after talking at length about what excites us is that we can write into our plan that we hope to contribute to the understanding, communication and insights of/with multiplicity.  We're very satisfied with that.  I don't know how much of that was figured before, but somehow on Tuesday our brain felt like we had permission to do this, and that it didn't matter if it took the rest of our life, and we're pretty sure it will.

Another big part of the meeting was that we talked about how it would happen.  We know that the mind map is essential to the turning of this new found prosperity of thought.  Basically, it was discussed that I had a lot going for us being a multiple, being in the blogging community of multiples, AND having been in 28 some years of therapy.  AND, the turning point??? Basically, it is going to hing on connecting our thoughts and that of those we get to know through the blogs and map WITH Dell's book which is something that has excited us to pieces, but we didn't have it pulled together until after talking to Dr. Marvin.  Basically, how we are storing it now in our head is that Dell's work will be a bit of a framework.  I know that so far we've squared off with a framework that is basically on the multiple side of "mainstream culture, multiples who blog, self, and significant trusted others."  But, this might be just an inkling of what we are going to be able to do through good hard work.

It impelled us forward to not only understand Allen - as to general order, but to be understanding the multiple part.

There is still a lot of room for discovery how the parts of us as a person/multiple is going to mix with the thoughts of professionals and other multiples.  It's just so huge I can barely get my head around it.  I'm feeling so exceptionally happy with these latest turns of events.  It's like carving out your own career - and it's a perfect match!

One of the notations to Dr. Marvin on Thursday was that we'd come to some point with it so that we were able to say to ourselves, patience, this is going to take the rest of our life ... it doesn't have to get all the way done tonight and it's ok to go to bed on time (10 pm).  Tomorrow is another day.

Because we have incorporated the mind map with our daily GTD life, we are feeling very good about things being "integrated" in that form and function.  We still like tonight have to get past that we are begging time with Peter to pay Paul.  Basically, there is only so much time we can go on without making notations in our blog.  That is a key feature to staying in check with all of this.  I do know that my Granddaughter is coming tomorrow and that we have just so much time and then we are really going to need picking up.  BUT, for the night we are running fast and furious!  I think that tomorrow Rich will be out in the sunroom - or doing something so that I can have my space I personally need to clean, but we're a little excited about that too.  We have a list through the map and we're going to go down the list systematically.  Part of that is that we get to take time now to write - that which would normally be our preference on a Sunday morning.  Tomorrow we'll start from scratch with taking our shower, doing our other morning tasks, and then just working down the list.  Again, we hope that Rich can "stay out of our way" *giggle*.  I'm thinking he's going to want to watch his morning show, but he knows he has to put some time in too if he's going to go fishing this week.  He's scheduled to be out of town from Thursday morning to Sunday night.

AND, if we were being a real good Ann we would include some extra time for mowing the grass.  Rich has almost all of it done.  He did the back-side yard and the front-side yard.  All there is to do is the front!  :)  Feeling good about that.  I think that a good part of his time will be spent on settling his mother.  There was a chance she was going to go back to the nursing home tomorrow, but she's had a chance - for a few moments, to talk with Bud.  I'm not sure if that makes any difference in her plans.  I also know that it is being worked out that she gets a chance to see the lawyer.  Rich will be taking her and it was planned that she use the lawyer for her own self-advocacy. I think it's a good deal.  Rich is over there now making dinner.  She had a nurses aide come in during the week and Rich had planned to be there for her this weekend.  Something will need to be arranged before he leaves town on Thursday.  Rich had thought she'd almost be in tomorrow so we're hoping if that's what she decides that it will be done rather quickly.  Rich really then needs to talk with the other side of the family to see what their recommendations are for Bud.  THEN, obviously it will be a concern as to what happens to their house, as would one or the other live in it, they both get back together and live in, or they both sell it and divide assets.

Bud talking to her earlier today or yesterday was a big deal in coming to some resolution that suits all around.  It will be very gratifying to see this come to a new conclusion and then we'll all learn to go on from there.  I think that I will eventually need to give more of my time, but I'm not feeling good about loosening boundaries between us.  Rich's mother is very needy and doesn't give back much in return.  At least not when she's under the spell of her addictions of drinking and smoking.  She does obviously need more care then can be given at her own home.  I think she knows this, but it is another matter to say she's permanently moving into the nursing home.  It will mean the difference of being upstairs with other temps, and moving downstairs.  I think she'll still need to share a room, but it should be better and she'd get more in a routine.  Staying clean and fed has been difficult, and she fears falling down.  Lastly, there's another big portion of the pie in being sociable.  She needs people to see, talk to and help her if necessary.  Friends would be the whip cream on the top and she does have those capabilities.

So that is that portion of things.  I think if she stayed sober tonight and tomorrow it would be a major deal to Rich, because he could talk seriously about what she wants to do.  He wasn't quick enough to get a bottle that was in the house out this week, and somehow or another, probably a grocery service, she had booze at her disposal.  This left for drunken nights, problems with bowel activity/disposal, and caustic screaming and yelling.  She also had problems this week in that she called everyone on her direct dial buttons and pleaded for time, attention and more booze.  This of course, all then came back to Rich because most people know he is handling her situation.  It meant throwing away some booze and disconnecting the fast dial.  I was also very disappointed to know that she had told Bud, to tell Rich she needed some more depends.  It is against all grain of my body to think she's going to get used to having Bud and her in a relationship that is going to be viral again.  As far as I feel - after 3 months of dissociating from her and abandoning her, he has no more rights left.  But, of course, we're the bystander, just looking in.  The real merit of the relationship will be settled by them and Rich - who is the one who picks up the pieces.

Ok, ... that's probably about enough of that.  Every week it is something.

We're working on a few other issues with Dr. Marvin.  He is helping us to deal with UIC on billing which is a Godsend.  He's holding the envelope we gave him to send on to Medicaid, because UIC PSYCH is still trying to trace down a few things like who billed us $500 in services for not servicing us - We haven't been served other than Dr. Marvin since 2011, but they billed us in April, 2013 and the psych department wasn't able to locate the account they specified.  We will be calling the number on the bill on Tuesday when we go in to see Dr. Marvin.  He does and the Psych department does have record we paid $500 and that was supposed to have gone to the psych bills.  That is the record that Medicaid needs, but Dr. Marvin says the hospital's system of dealing with Medicaid is goofed up - temporarily. At least, I know that whatever is going on wasn't my fault.  If they can't figure out the paperwork, we've been recorded as paying them, and because they can't figure things out, Medicaid isn't getting their paperwork, so the hospital can't write things off to Medicaid.  I should probably be angry, but I know things to be a system so just one thing at a time.

Rich is home now ... he is making dinner.  There was a little relaying of information with his mother.  The talk between Bud and Rich's mother was short.  He said he was coming home in two weeks.  He didn't say if he is expecting the house to be all his or shared.  Rich ran into more bowel messing problems with his mother and it is likely she has another bladder infection.  She thinks she still needs to go back to the nursing home.  She feels sick and she's not eating again.  The worst part is the open thought now that she'll want to go home in two weeks when Bud is there, and that will start the flare-up of emotions.  She will expect Bud to take care of her, and that he is able.  He will not be allowed to lift, and he's not being allowed to drive.  I don't know how they expect him not to do work of taking care of the house.  They won't want it, but it will be hard for them to stop it.  The worst thing is that the drinking and smoking will continue, there will be more unhappiness through the arguments and screaming and it just be a whole bad scene all over again.  Rich cleaned up his mother, but she obviously needs nursing care and stability.  She had that at the nursing home ... it would be a pipe dream to think they could make it, but maybe that too has to play itself off.  I don't see that the other family is going to want to put Bud through the hell they share together - and of course they blame totally on her.  But, he's as stubborn as hell AND that's part of the problem and not minor.  The alcohol is probably still the worst affect, but relationship wise neither of them is sound of mind.

So that's the update.  We're going to take a break in short order ... Rich says ten minutes to salad time.

Maybe a few more thoughts on Dr. Marvin.  I'm not sure I have the majority of what happened.  I think part of Thursday - at least half the time went to tracing back thoughts in our head of alcohol and drug use of our own selves and our ex-husband back in the days that our kids were small.  We had been out to see Nikki on Wednesday and the conversation was fueled and we'd been having guilt feelings which Dr. Marvin wanted to get to right away.  We had to be conscious of what we did and did not do for our kids.  I think in the long run we came out ok, but it was of no favor to the boys.  We still maintained house, household and relationships - mostly drugs were from the period of after nursing Joe to just after getting to the River Grove apartment.  We worked 1 1/2 years and spent many visits to the mental hospital during the time.  Much isn't probably known about time. We through all the drug paraphernalia and bad habits away in 1993.  Oh my gosh ... could it have been in our life for 7-8 years?  Hadn't thought of that ...

I told Dr. Marvin about the last time we got drunk which was also 1993.  Nice to say it was then now twenty years ago.  That's also about the time Dr. Woollcott came on board :).

But, salad is ready.  Hopefully, I will be back later after dinner.

Back again ... not sure how far we'll get.  We're sitting with Rich out in the sun room.  It smells sorta like fishy worms and other oily plastics.  He's been working out here all day.  We helped him a "SMALL" bit by writing down in our mind map the extra plastic lures he has in a secondary storage container.  Then we went inside and made it pretty, and then printed out a copy so that when he gets empty of something he can look at the list to see if he has it or needs to buy fresh.  Eh, it was his idea.  I love that we can work on something together.  It makes me feel good.

Haven't done much other than just eat.  We had smoked sausage and fries for dinner.  We finished watching "Last Man Standing" and then neither of us were real interested in the NCIS repeat that was showing.  So, we came out here with him and since have of course gotten our chromebook back to the page for writing.

Ahh Meowy Missy is joining us.  I hope he doesn't take too long because now we are feeling a little warm and muggy.  I REALLY like the air conditioning in the house :)

So anyway ... maybe we need to focus and look back at where we were before.  I think we'd been talking about Dr. Marvin's, but I'm not sure if we finished.  I'll have to go back and peek at that for a second.

I just read Rich the section about Austin coming ... it made him smile too!  He knows he is proud to have the Grandchildren here and me getting time with them.

Ok, now we're back inside.  :)  I also have a kitty on my arm chair.  We're in the sitting room on our recliner.  Missy had gone out, just because she was snoopy ... she didn't have anyplace to really sit because me and Rich were in her chairs and the third had fishy stuff on it.  Rich had everything packed up, but he needed to make several trips from the sunroom to the garage to get everything out of there.  Well that's how we look at it.  It really smells like plastics/oils.  Blah!  I know it will air out.  I reminded him first priority was sewing out there, then his business, then fishy-stuff.  I always want the privilege of calling it mine again at any time ... but, we both now I can't do the warmer temps like he can.

I asked him his plans for the rest of the night.  I think he's going over to his mother's first thing to make her an egg.  He's trying to get her to eat again.  He still might watch an hour or so of fishing on TV, but we made it clear we clean W/O him in the middle of our house!  When he settles in we'll make him a margarita, he'll watch some TV, then read, then we'll both go to bed, and I'm thinking in our extra time, we're really going to need more time to write.  OHHH yeah ... showers are going to happen!  Especially him after doing his mother's washroom problems, the fishy stuff, AND the yard work.  BLAH!

He said he'll wait for his margarita until after he showers.  I think his smells are even bothering him hehehhe.

He'll be ready for his jammas!

Should probably think here a couple of minutes as to what else might have happened at Dr. Marvin's.  I do know my sister came up again.  We talked over a few things we'd heard from my mother, especially that CS is trying a second CONCRETE time of asking my mother to take care of Nathan.  That just isn't happening.  Due to many years of conversation as things come up, and the present situation, Dr. Marvin said that it appears she's still looking for a mother figure to take care of her (all the medical/financial needs and imposed guilt, and even her son (she'd receive mothering through her mother's relationship to son).  Basically, my mother says she' raised her family and she's not going to do it again.  I'm not sure why CS is trying so hard, but thinking Nathan must be looking for a break too.  I don't think CS would push things if Nathan wasn't already for the idea.  Who knows?  My mother talks very little about my siblings and that's the way it probably should be.  Just think she needed a little support there in that her making her own boundary between her and CS needs was a good thing.  I respect her decision there.

That's enough of sister talk ... I just have to assure that my own boundaries are firm.  My sister needs to be responsible for her life, and I have to be responsible for my life.  Same goes for Linda in the relationship.  We're trying to back down from any conversation about my sister to her so she can have her own relationship and not have me in the middle, or for her to have me in the middle.  I did mention that Dr. Marvin thought she was looking for a mother figure, and Linda answered quickly she didn't see it.  I stopped, backpedaled and got out of there.  I'd gone too far and she isn't a Dr. Marvin.  I'd crossed by own boundary and really had to stop.  Don't want things to be fuzzy including my notes here.  I know that sometimes we're read ... I will be responsible for having said this much.  But, in the same vein, it's time to move on.  Not intending to challenge anyone, just been writing out our thoughts and feelings on things for a long time.

I don't think there was too much said about Maury and the kids.  Dr. Marvin knows Jasmine is sleeping over and he knows that I intended to break some ties with Carol.  This is the note we left.  It has not been responded to.


Ann

Carol, I'm sorry, but I have to make this decision for the time being.  But, I am going to cancel out on coming for awhile until we can reset our priorities properly.

This has nothing to do with anything you did wrong.  It's part and parcel of being a multiple.  As you know we've been working with the writing aspects of our time more and less with the sewing.  I have to see what happens there.  We are doing the things with family and doctors, but am arguing out within us other time out of that close radius.  Right now we're dealing with parts having trouble leaving the house.  Rich went to the Dr.s with us twice this week for which we were very grateful.  I also had rescheduled but made it to my sons and DIL.  One of my grandchildren will be sleeping over this weekend ... so we're not totally out of it, but we're struggling.  Everything seems to competing with getting time online for the reading and writing.

I also need some time to adjust by just getting the sewing machine back to the sewing room.  Seems its been in the car for quite a while and so when there are small chances of me getting something done on the machine, it is not set-up because of the argument of having to take it out again right away.

I don't mean to hurt or upset you ... and I don't know if when we could carry on a good relationship again with you, if you will be equally motivated by you.  I know that I've enjoyed spending time with you especially in your great room and times talking or just sewing quietly with you.  I'm embarrassed that as a part of being a multiple I'm not more responsible in our relationship with you.

I'm the one in the wrong here and for that I'm very sorry.
Please call if you wish ***-***-****

Our best,
Ann

I tried to be as honest as I could.  There are other feelings/thoughts that may not be accounted for yet.  But, in general, these were the problems that we've been discussing with Dr. Marvin.  Again, think that Linda may be out of sorts here too - or with my quilting time in general, but it would be of no fault of her own.  She's the only one who really sees me coming in and out of things in oour life, and holds strongly to our quilters.  But, she'd be the first one to say you have to do whatever is best for you.  Sometimes it still feels we're disappointing her.  I think my reading/writing/mapping is hard for most in my life to understand or carry any great empathy toward.

I think if for nothing else - this is the kind of thing that we really appreciate Dr. Marvin for.  He's always held out a strong core bond in that we work on our avocations and passions - especially in a studied approach.  I think he knows more than anything that I would never be satisfied with JUST being a domestic or lawn Goddess.  I'm pretty sure he sees all that like we're trying in that it is a good way for us to keep grounded.  BUT, as an avocation it is severely lacking.

I think that we've gone back and forth between looking at quilting as more or less as our most prominent skill to build.  I think that it fits our creative side, but it doesn't do as much for our intellectual sides.  I love to quilt ... just figure as far as my life legacy, it isn't as important as the writing/reading/mapping.  I do think that the mapping has taken out some of the energy that we've put into online education.  We've dabbled in that once more in reconnecting to Twitter and some of the emails, but as to now - most times it is very hard for us to look at.  I would at some point like to get back into a few things that we've left to the side.  I like the Learnist program, which is the avenue we took in putting out our public fallacies through the Google searches.  That has a far way to go, but we left a marker from looking at it so far.  We also like the social media "Scoop-it."  It was a good space for leaving online markers for things we were interested in like the news, but it was just a picture format of things that we were picking up in our NEWS and Ann's Multiple Blogs - especially, in tying an interest to other multiples blogs.

The best thing we'd found while out there was the work through - WOW took a long time to find a cue to it through our email, but the program was "Canvas" - it was a means to write e-learning courses.  Want to take a look at that now.  I had really appreciated the program.

Looking at the Canvas program now it seems that we'd gone through the effort of building two "courses."  One was more on multiplicity through the Google stuff - more like telling what Multiplicity was all about, and then the second course was trying to make sense of the outline that is now the mainstay of the web pages.  It looks like we last worked with canvas about October/November, 2012 ... so that was way back about 10 months ago.  It always makes me wonder what happens to all the time between one thing and another.  This was the furthest I'd gotten with e-learning and I'm pretty sure it was after we left the school program.  Looking back through emails now it seems that it was really fuzzy if we were a student at Jones University for the 6 month period between March and September, 2012.  I guess that is something we had to trace back to as well.

Ok, like wow ... that was too much.  It seems our old emails go back to about April, 2011.  There's just so much information there, it would take a serious effort to put some of the more valuable pieces through the reference section in the mind map.  Just that's not going to happen soon ... the work of Allen and Dell/O'Neil is WAY in front of that ... but, someday maybe too it will happen ;)

Pswhoo.  Just warmed-up a bit.  I hadn't realized Rich was out of the shower already, so we asked, and then got him his Margarita.  There wasn't enough mix for two so we just made ourselves an icy cold lemonade :)  AND, we took our medicine which is a good thing because we were like two hours late BLAH!  AND, then while we were up we fed the kitties, and then cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishwasher.  That should give us a nice jump in the morning.  Rich is still watching a show.  It's one with the lawyer, firm, and the kid who didn't really become a lawyer before he signed on ... Maybe "Suits?"  I think that's it.  He seems engrossed, but thinking after the show is over he will read a book before scheduling himself for another hour of TV.  He worked hard today doing his mom, the yard, AND the fishyworld.  We'll give him credit for that.  ALSO because he seemed to appreciate that we had so much on his mind map.  Tomorrow we'll sit down where he can look at it all together on paper.  We tried to have him do that today, but he couldn't concentrate.  He was on his way out the door.  He wanted to get more worm boxes, some things for his Mom, and then make dinner for her.  He did good Rich-stuff today :)

I did want to say that I had a great time with Nikki this week and look forward to seeing them again tomorrow when we pick up Jasmine and on Monday when she, Jade and Maury join us for Labor Day.  They won't come out until after Maury is done with work, so he is thinking about 4-5 pm.  It's ok ... wish he could have been out more/sooner, but he's doing some holiday time which is extra money in the bank for them.  I do have to get a few things on the grocery list for Rich.  He says he's going out in the morning.  I think he is going to pick-up his boat on the way back from Jasmine's and then spend time out there with that, packing - if I can get the jeans off of him to wash, and then over to his mother's.  It whould be a nice day after we get going first thing in the morning.

I think we'll jump in the shower, get dressed, make the bed, do the laundry, kitty stuff, garbage, dishes put away, etc. of the regular morning chores, and then get going on the list we've saved ourselves.  Thinking we're going to do fine.  I'm not sure when Rich is going to leave, but it will be somewhere between 11-1 pm, so we have to be ready for that :)

Oh, I know something I didn't write about.  We worked on our main blog page today.  AND we got a new background.  We also got a new format for the actual blog part.  I'm really pleased with it.  When it loads it starts of with a darker peach print of hummingbirds and flowers, then it lightens like its doing a silhouette, and then you get a solid pink/red/salmon (my favorite sewing machine curtain color) print with mostly nicely shaped medium-small flowers.  I really like it.  The woman putting out the designs is called, "ShabbyBlogs."  i found her through looking at another multiple's site that I'd reconnected to on Twitter.  Life is really funny how it gets around like that.  Oh one more small connection on the day.  Cody puts in all kinds of interesting things in Facebook, but today he had a little sign that just stated, "Think, Do, Love, Live ... Different." GREAT words of wisdom and it kind of explains where I am in our multiple project.

Oh yeah, we were though noting about our new-do on Ann's Multiple.  Ok, you got the background.  The main face picture is the same - it has a Word tangle, the title of our blog, our face, and Dr. Marvin in his office.  The background color in this center area between either side of the salmon flower print has become a lighter beige, and the tabs are either the salmon or a muted rust/orange.  There's some light blue in the titles to the entry and across the top ... maybe this is considered a contrasting color - really light though.  I like the lettering very much.  It is a light, clear whimsical script.  And, it seems the main body spacing and the right side column has each spread out a little.  It just seems more generous.  I really like how it centers the entry's the pictures and statements in the right column and how it just nests nicely the other bloggers blog links.  Then I think I started it a while ago - noting here that we added our map chores in a list at the bottom on the page.  It is very clear and seems to lighten the intensity of actual work needed to be done.

Some how the "Recent Post" section didn't carry through the transition, so we updated that with something we found on the Internet.  I like it.  It is done by MadTomato.  The script was written in HTML so it allowed us to fiddle with the number of recent post entries - we added it up to 10, and then it allowed us to make the number of characters longer as to the description (first couple of lines).  We stopped at about 160 characters.  It carries the entries title of course, and since we start most our entries with day, date and time, it includes that with again the few first lines.  I like it a lot and decided to put it even above the "Ad-free" Owl sign which usually starts our right column.  I wanted at this point for people to jump right to finding other types of things we write about.  I think because the right margin is wider - it doesn't seem so cramped.  It is a more gracious letting-out of all the small things our mind thought about in building the blog.  I was really happy with the output today and we're figuring its going to take a lot of ogling before we settle with it as being really good enough to let go.

The flowers on the background remind me of a pretty Japanese print.  Which is a roundabout way of bringing you to the next thoughts.  Yesterday we went through a little conversation with Duyen.  It's been a long while.  And, I don't know why it is the right time when it is, but it seemed to be that way yesterday.  Duyen had put out a general note about going to California next Thursday.  This is the rest of that conversation.

Cari Beth Garvey and 2 others like this.

Ann Ludford Garvey Is Thom going too?
August 29 at 9:30pm · Like

Dn Vu Hi Ann, good to hear from you!!! No, he doesnt want to go with me  All by myself on this lonely trip
August 29 at 9:31pm via mobile · Like

Dn Vu Thanks for the LIKE, Cari!!! How have you been?
August 29 at 9:32pm via mobile · Like

Ann Ludford Garvey Maybe you could help us by asking Thom to call. It's been a long time.
August 29 at 9:33pm · Like

Cari Beth Garvey doing pretty awesome how about you?!
August 29 at 9:33pm · Like

Dn Vu I will do RIGHT NOW
August 29 at 9:34pm via mobile · Like

Ann Ludford Garvey
August 29 at 9:34pm · Like

Dn Vu What is ur phone number, he asks?
August 29 at 9:34pm via mobile · Like

Ann Ludford Garvey ill private message you
August 29 at 9:34pm · Like

Dn Vu Sure
August 29 at 9:35pm via mobile · Like

Dn Vu I am doing great, Cari!!! Thankssss!!!
August 29 at 9:38pm via mobile · Like

Isabel Huerta Fun ...missed ur call. Let's talk soon
August 29 at 10:23pm via mobile · Like

Son Luong I am :))
Yesterday at 4:19am via mobile · Like

Dn Vu You are!!!! To be honest I will be able to see you-Son cuz I stay there in a very short time and have to be immobilize the whole time.  Tell you the secret later..LOL
Yesterday at 8:01pm · Like

Dn Vu I meant...NOT be able to meet up****
Yesterday at 8:01pm · Like

Thursday

9:35pm
Ann Ludford Garvey
***-***-****

9:39pm
Dn Vu
I just let him know. He will call u in few mins

9:40pm
Ann Ludford Garvey
thank you very much - AND have a good trip!

9:42pm
Dn Vu
He saidbhe cant call you....your cell is busy forbsome reason

9:43pm
Ann Ludford Garvey
its not busy can you give me his number?

9:43pm
Dn Vu
***-***-****

9:44pm
Ann Ludford Garvey
Seen Thu 9:44pm

After that series of messages, we called and Thom answered.  I felt so absolutely blessed to be hearing from him again.  It was a nice conversation and we seemed to have a pretty good line.  I think most of the time he talked while Duyen was in the bedroom, but she may have come in and out of the conversation.  I had not intended to hide, but sometimes I worry about what Thom says out loud, because I think it would embarrass Duyen and I DON'T want to do that.  He did state early on that the trip to CA was for Duyen to go through facial reconstruction and that he was strongly against it.  I do need to catch-up in all my mothering ability.

It sounds like their marriage isn't going to last and that they may be separating very soon.  Thom says they will stay married formally, until Duyen has her green card.  I think he said next summer.  Thom still wants to have the job in Japan.  It isn't posted yet, but he's connected to a few people and it sounds like the interview will be in NY very soon.  They want a body in the position by October 1, 2013.  Thom doesn't know what kind of competition there will be for the post, but his plans center on it.  In the meantime he has a few options.  He could stay with Duyen, her sister, and her uncle.  That seems to be the lowest option on his list.  He could also come back to Chicago if he found he was going to be leaving soon for Japan.  That's a viable option, but he wouldn't know of the potential until down the line, and it seems he wants to leave the DC area sooner than that - unless, he has to stay there for a physical interview rather than a phone interview.  The last option which he seems most orientated to is going to Houston, TX where he would rent an apartment with his cousin Manuel.  Thom, Joe, Manuel, and two other cousins, Nick and Pat play a lot of games together yet and that seems to be what Thom is doing in his spare time.

He is also drinking and doing some exercise, but we're thinking more drinking than exercising.  We got a little heated in a conversation about Austin.  Thom's point of view is that he is toxic for Austin, my point of view is that he has to be responsible for making it the best relationship possible.  There were no conclusions, but we did tell him that we'd seen Austin in May and July.  We didn't know we were going to get him mid-September, which is definitely on the bonus plan.  He seemed to really appreciate hearing about Austin and our thoughts which might have validated some of his thoughts - mostly on the way Austin can carry a conversation while intellectualizing the point he is working on whether it is culture, world, animation, etc.  I know Thom misses him, but also that he doesn't feel worthy of Austin.  He did know that Laura and Mike had gotten married.  He was interested to know if Austin was reading the book we told him we sent.  I'm thinking the wedding excitement might have put that off, but I won't know how he filed the book until we see him again.  I would hope Thom come to his senses and contact Austin, but I don't know if he would.  I made an implored case for Austin, but knew I could only take it so far.  This was my first time talking to Thom since he'd been here about March.

If Thom ends up in Texas for the short or long term, he will most likely get an apartment as stated, if he ends up going to japan, he said he might be earning enough to pay Manuel his continued half of the rent which might only be $400-500, or he would have the place to stay if he didn't go to Japan.  I see that he is hedging his bet carefully.  If he ends up staying and not going to japan, he will get a simple job like at a best buy and I think Manuel is doing the same.  Manuel is already in college and Thom is almost done with his Associate degree, so both boys would continue that.  I think also that both boys have just broken up with their women.  AND, unfortunately, he says that both of them are drinking - though he says he would hope to work his way out of it with his cousin.  Right now the cousin is living with his father.  His mother and father are divorced, and his mother is Thom's father's sister and she's remarried, has a daughter through the second marriage, and was last reported to be an elementary school principal.  I don't know how strong positive or negative all the relationships are down there.  I can respect somethings about Mary Fran, mostly not though - think she's scary.  I have always liked Sergio Manuel's father and from the brief time I knew Manuel when he was younger, I liked him.

So, that pretty much catches us up to all that.  I was pretty close to tears at the natural end of the conversation.  I don't think we talked much about me except the time I spent with Austin.  I made sure he knew that even though he was having problems being a good husband or father - especially from his estimation, we still respect and love the hell out of him as our son.  I told him that we were very used to his long absences, but was very glad to hear from him again.  I also let him know that we had a spare room here, if he ever needed a place to stay temporarily though we discussed a little of his father having a place too.  I think his father spent $350,000-400,000 for his house in Bolingbrook compared to our $52,000 in Sandwich.  Pretty sure if I were Thom - I'd want to stay there too.  BUT, if he were in the Chicago area, we know we'd get him for at least a small time.  AND, we'd probably still cry when he left.  I really miss him in my life.  I don't know what it would actually be like to have him actively around.  But, I miss him.

Ok, shhh.  That's enough Mom.  Gotta get a grip on it.  I actually want him to go to Japan, because it would be the better life, but I know how far and long away that would be.  It leaves me unhappy, with the exception I know that's where he wants to be.

It's gotten itself to about 10 pm now.  I'm starting to think we got most of the stuff down we could think of during an evening.  I don't know ... it always seems like I leave so much out, but so much is still being said.  I've got Chief here beside me now which means he thinks I should go to bed.  I can see in the background Rich stayed up a little later to watch a fishy show.  That's a good Rich.  I know he needs to relax and I really seen him putting effort over the last few days on getting ready to get out on this trip.  The dishwasher is running its final rinse cycle and I'm eager to look at what got written one last time as I post it to the new blog.

I do want to say that I've got some time coming up too!  When Rich leaves, I get a bit of a break and I always want to hope that we're going to make the best of it.  We're a bit of a wanderer in our own home.  I think Dr. Marvin is going to be out for a day each in two weeks, and then four weeks from now.  We should be able to handle it.  There are no real crises happening.  During the third week in September (September is now just an hour away) we will have the quilting group with the church.  Tomorrow will be Jasmine and Austin will be in two weeks.  Maybe either the third or fourth weekend we can have one or two of the other girls.  We will have to check schedules on Monday with Nikki.  I think though that Rich might also be fishing the last weekend in September, and it is really my preference to have the kids over when he is home.  AND, then of course the first weekend of October will be time spent with the girls quilting.  Busy times coming up.

I think for the most part Rich being gone means that we'll do the best of our habits, but we won't let them get in the way of our activities whether it is sewing, writing, reading or mapping.  Chances are heavier into the mapping.  Never know what's coming up next and then next again.  Just looking forward.  I like my time alone now.  AND, it's going to stretch from getting home Thursday from Dr. Marvin through to Friday, Saturday and late Sunday.  WooHOO!!!  Girls night IN!

(23,703/5,769)

Brain Plex - Rich 8-31-13



Brain Plex - Ann 8-30-13







Monday, August 26, 2013

Nailing the morning - AND it's a Monday!

Monday, August 26, 2013 @ 8:14 am

Good morning ... this is just us.  It's already very much into the morning and we don't have very much to show for it.  Rich is taking care of bills in the recliner so our space has been broken up as he makes phone calls checking on bills.  I think he is up to the part now of going to take his shower.  He's got to run into the city and do a variety of things including picking up our medicine.  Whoops ... he just passed through and suggested that we iron his shirt.  We're really not up to that, but he is picking up our medicine.  We prefer steaming, but we don't do much of that now days either.  *sigh*  I think I got a half hour ... maybe on his next trip through he can turn on the iron.  That will save me from getting up once.  I know it comes down to these big things *DOUBLE sigh*

We're a bit woozy yet ... mostly because we are off our regular medicine.  We needed to go to the Haldor at nights and it is putting us asleep easily so we might be here and then the eyes close and we're sleeping.  We have to worry about our driving and how that works out.  If the medicine hasn't corrected itself by taking the right stuff today, then we'll have to ask Rich to drive us or cancel the appointment.  I'm really weary of driving.  I won't put ourselves in danger.

Its been a couple of days since writing. We posted on Saturday, but had done the last entry on Friday.  We had last left off on trying to update on where we had last talked to Dr. Marvin on the phone on Thursday.  I don't think we were finished with that, but unsure where to pick up.  I think in general we'd gotten to the part of talking about what we were going to talk to him about in the session.  We don't have so much put together this time as to an itinerary.  I think he'd said something about slowing down the processes, but I might be taking this out of context.

We've had some good and not as good days cleaning during this last few days.  One day I forget which, Rich had a really bad time of it because I hadn't done the litter box and had left dishes on the counter.  He over yelled me ... it was a flash yell taking about 10 seconds, and then he disappeared to the sunroom and I continued doing what we were doing.  I felt that the emotional upset was on him, and although I could or should have done the work, it wasn't worth all bent out of shape he'd gotten.  We eventually both came to bed and we did fine.  I did do the housework the next day, but then yesterday we didn't again.  Sometimes its easier when he leaves and sometimes it just doesn't get done because we're out of sorts.

I might go into the shower now, but thinking Rich is in there at this time.

Anyway ... what happened a lot over the last several days is that we continued to progress the mind map.  At the beginning, we listened to a lot of videos on either mind maps (TheBrain), or David Allen.  We feel we have a pretty good understanding, but there is always more to learn.  We are now up to the second part of Allen's book, "GTD."  I don't think we'll be copy/pasting as much in this section, but time will tell.  We also progressed the dictionary word - so that now we're up to the negative emotions.  BLAH.  It got us in a pretty tired, low spot last night so that when 10 pm came around we were ready for bed.  I think that's part of what the defining of words does for our system.  It helps carry meaning which is often a feeling.

Sorry just drifted off again ... then the kitty jumped up and startled us awake ... it happens just this easy.

I'm not sure what the next part of our conversation will be.  We really only focused on these few things.  I might I guess try to look through after Dr. Marvin as an action location ... see where we left off.  Hmm?

We're not going to say much for errands which is the next location up.  It is concerning itself right now with picking up quilts at the church.  I have to get in that mode again ... just not there yet.

The next category is @home which includes using the shark on more carpeted areas, and doing a few things that need doing because we didn't wake up to the routine of the morning.  I think your familiar with this stash of stuff.  It starts with get up and take a shower, and then progresses from there.  Maybe we'll do that in a few moments ... whoops forgot about Rich's shirt.

There we done it!

He's getting dressed now.  We'll wait until he leaves and then see how much we can get done.  I am a little warm now so wondering if he turned down the air .. It's harder getting dressed when we're hot.  *Sigh* We can do it though right?

The next section on the map that we have been working on is the section for @learning.  Here we have several ideas starting with continuing to look through the mind map/Allen for tips.  I think this should also include the tips that are given each time we open the program.  We left a note to look into Adobe to see if any of that can be worked through to improve the work being done with the multiple studies.  The third thing is to plan goals and objectives and things like vision with Dr. Marvin.  This is the one thing left on his plate as far as thing to discuss.  We've especially been thinking about that during the reading of Allen's book.  Basically, there has to be an end outcome that we can build action steps towards, but we're not real clear much past the processes.  As far as that goes ... it is another question ... what basically to do in the process next.  I would like it much clearer.  And, then then last thing in this area/section is a note to skim the documentation on TheBrain.  There is a manual that should help, though I'm getting pretty far with it and don't think much of their manual.  I really do want to use the map to the best of our ability.

The next @section is for @office.  There is only one note here right now and that is to put away the papers in the cubby.  That should really be done today ... think we're prioritizing because Allen is so strong on emptying the in-basket regularly - he says every day or two.  I wouldn't say how long that box has been gathering papers.

Under @relaxation, I have a few notes.  One is to continue in the processes of calming Annemarie down. Then notes to read and to massage Rich.  Yay!  I still have to read the rules of the road, and I have to read/write several other ongoing things such as work with the two blogs, emails, FB, I still have a couple of things to read from the Internet that I discovered when moving around this last several days including things found through other mind mas of people using TheBrain.  As well, there is the blog reading to do from the other multiples and whatever else I might have to do to better research the mind maps.  I think we're going to have to concentrate on the next physical movement of each action to progress that situation.  Still leaving things to vague.

The last section under our next actions is @sewing room.  There are at least four ongoing projects there.  One is to sew Rich's blanket, another to cut my sister's quilt, then we need to do the 22 baby quilts, the next ones for the church, and last we have to pull together and pay for the $70 we will owe to Linda for quilting Joe and Cari's quilt.

So that basically finishes up the thoughts as to where we are up to now added on to the thoughts we'd laid out last Friday.  We do have to remember to empty the mind map trash, in that we were saving things that we'd accomplished there until we were better ready to let them go.  I think when we review the lists this morning that will happen.

The next area on the mind map as we are working through it with David Allen's material is the part on projects.  All our projects are connected to actions.  The projects thus far are: Our family, our regular life, our work, Dr. Marvin's work, taking care of Ann and taking care of Rich.

The family includes all our parts, and family members, Rich and the kitties.  It also includes breakdowns of family such as sons and their families, parent, sibling, other relatives.  I included our regular life as domestic and lawn Goddess and transportation which then includes car and errands. Ann's work includes analyzing and synthesizing, mind mapping and sewing, volunteerism, and writing. Dr. Marvin's work includes a new running list of things that we are talking about there AND can scratch down on paper/screen. Taking care of Ann includes daily thoughts/thinking, relaxation and several agenda like meetings, one-on-ones and vacations.  Taking care of Rich just covers right now relaxation and helping him with his business.

At the next section of Allen's altitude map is the area of responsibilities.  I've listed so far eleven of them including the first part to continue developing a relationship with Dr. Marvin.  There are also our coping skills, family, friends, finance, fun/friends, health/fitness, house/home care (larger projects), Ann's professional and Ann's spiritual, Rich's business and then the resources files.  The resources files are one of the biggest attractors in this section.  It includes: references from our blogs and Allen's GTD.  It includes
government, home/cars, income/banking, leisure, medical and observations from us.  It includes a section of things needing to be paid, and then last it includes sections for Microsoft Word and OneNote, and Adobe's PDF Reader.

We don't have anything in the one-two year goals, and the only thing in the three-five year goals are things that are set-up as part of our structure.  3-5 Years has strategy/outcome and under that there are the preceding through next action, projects and responsibilities, and there are areas for purpose, principles and vision.  This is all part of what we're hoping Dr. Marvin can help us sort through.

The very last section of Allen's Altitude model is the category of life.  And, so far we've only listed in this category "multiple." And that then gets us over to the other side of our mind map.  We separate the next part as to the work we're doing through Google and the work we're doing through the NEWS blog.  I think that people are more familiar with that grouping, but for the sake of argument, we'll list here that the sections under NEWS include: dictionary definitions, multiples who blog,self, trusted significant others, and then a worksheet - which is us working through the problems in sorting every out.

That's it ... its a pretty comprehensive view of the map.

Mmm just stopped for ice cream break - SWEET!  I know only 9:33 am, but that's how we roll.

Hmm, thinking we'll jump in the shower here next.  Be a good Ann thing ;)

We're back.  Trying to fend ourselves from Missy ... she seems intent on laying on us.  It's now about 11:06 am.  We are showered, dressed, have eaten, and have talked to Linda.  I was appreciative that she talked today a little about what I was doing with the mapping/blogging. Then we both separated to our own tasks for the day.  I would like to finish here ... maybe put the bed linen in the washer and pick-up in the kitchen, then I would like to get back to the definitions.  I believe we are on negative feelings and in particular the word, "helpless."  It's been a rough go - going through the negative feelings, because when they are all spelled out and you imagination is hip-hopping over them, that you get a gut-reaction to each word.  It is not always pleasant.

After we finish with the negative feelings, we'll go through the positive feelings and neutral feelings, and then do a little on "State" and "Thinking."  That will be the conclusion of the "self" portion until we start add again.

Good good ... did a few things.  I cleaned up the kitchen and started the dishwasher and I unmade the bed and put the linen in the washer.  Rich will be real happy about that.  :)  I'm definitely hotter though.  That's no good and the very warm kitty wants to curl up.  I pushed him off the bed to unmake it.  Maybe he'll go back to it now ... we just pushed him off the chair ... to much fur!  AND, we turned on Adele.  We seem to be liking her of late.  The next thing that has to happen is kitty litter and garbage.  We picked up the living room and sitting room and the desk is looking pretty good ... I think we're almost set then!

I had noticed before going that we'd almost lost the section on mainstream culture.  Fortunately it wasn't gone just hiding.  It seems that we already used the dictionary in that section ... so after self, we'll go through the one last section on significant others.  I guess that sort of solves that problem.  I think we'd have to really go at it today if we were to get it done.  Not sure if we can do it.  I don't think we have anything else on the agenda but it is pretty focused.  It WOULD get us back to the multiples journals ... that's really the exciting part.

I don't know if the multiples' annotations are going to change in the newer format with personal and professional being tied together and the words so much better defined.  I don't know if we will try to find exactly definitions or just put it in the top level.  I think maybe the top level (without digging down) because we don't really know all the meanings of what any one given multiple might have been thinking.

If I were to do anymore work today, it would be to give a stab at the bigger picture.  Where would we start?

It would have to have something to do with my relationship to multiples.  But, I'm not sure if that is fair either ... it is more my relationship to the public.  I think the work would be particularly helpful to multiples, but not all.  Many would be confused.  I think most people would be confused ... basically, what would I like their or my outcome to be.  I believe we're looking for understanding and insight.  This goes back I think to the Linked into.  Let me look there and see where we've gotten to since then.  I know that that link had had an educational bend toward it.  We have to think if that's still where we're going.  I think we could do learning as long as it were more discovery.

To interrelate with Multiples (Dissociative Identity Disorder - DID) in establishing online quality, quantity learning outcomes for multiples and for interested others.  Our specialty is as a "multiple thought leader" studying dissociation through experience, curating blogs, and Google searches developing knowledge networks through social media and mind mapping.

AHHH got it!  The above paragraph took a while to rewrite, but we're going to test it out - plugging it in!  Better get back to the real work though ... good good.

(23,365/5,685)


Saturday, August 24, 2013

Lost one ... gained one ... Need to keep working on it though

Friday, August 23, 2013 @ 7:46 am

Good morning ... it's just me.  We're coming from a totally frustrated place right now.  We had just pressed control A to copy and paste yesterday afternoon's blog entry in our blog and something got wrong and it erased the whole entry ... about four hours worth of work.  We had not written since Saturday so it is like now five days just disappeared from our life.  Usually it is like having a brain dump.  I know there are other advantages because if we think now over the same time span, it should be more progressed.  We won't get the nuts and bolts, but we should be able to get some of it down and then move on.

It is frustrating.

Going all the way back to Saturday ... where we were at then was we had talked to Dr. Marvin about Kelsie and Lissa's contribution to the mind map processing.   We had started our routine of trying to get up and dressed.  We had talked to Dr. Marvin about billing and routines that week.  As an update ... we've done pretty well with it, but have started to slow down this last couple of days.  The hard part has been now that we're off routine because the washer was down.  Rich replaced some hoses or clamps or something.  Yesterday after he fixed it it was another problem and then when he was gone ... we had heard the water in the laundry room when we went in the kitchen, so we figured out "on our own" how to work Rich's mop (we had been using the Swiffer), and then we swooshed most the water out the back door.  We never use this door and the vines had grown over it, but we were able to push them back.  There was about an inch of water on spots.  The floor isn't perfectly level.  Then we laid towels down to absorb the last part of it.  We had already taken out the fan.  the cord and base of the fan were sitting in water and we thought no, that was definitely not a good idea.  Rich had placed the fan there earlier trying to dry out the wall/floor that had gotten wet.  We also figured out that we needed to shut off the water.  It was very good figuring because we were thinking in a state of panic, but got through it in good shape.

Rich said he did something to it when he got home again and that he should just be able to move back the machines and it will be ok.  We're a little more skeptical, but willing to go with the flow NOT literally.  We'll see.

We had also written about our work with the new Shark - again it's the duo floor cleaner for hard floors and carpet floors.  We had given it a good chance on the carpet, and then on Wednesday (two days ago), we gave it a GREAT chance in the kitchen.  I can't say with all the water problems in the laundry room that the floor hasn't since then taken a beating, but the fact was that we were able to progress or ground our minds by using the cleaner on the hard floor.  It was a process that took about five hours.  We cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room areas moving most the furniture and such.  Just light furniture though so like the kitchen and bar stools got moved, but not the table.  The first thing we did was to vacuum.  Then after that we took the wand hose from the vacuum and went along the entire baseboard in all three rooms.  And then, we used the Shark to clean all that, and then when that was over we used the Shark to Buffer/polish all the floors.  It was really nice.  We posted picture to facebook and got about 16-18 likes and about the same in comments.

We had talked in the comments primarily to Mary and Melissa.  Mary had also had a shark product - the steamer for hard floors, and Melissa was interested in what we'd used.  But that was pretty much of that.  We had really hoped to get some positive strokes from Rich ... and I think in some ways we got it, but in other ways, it really wasn't as much "grandness" to him as it had been to us.  Maybe that is natural.

The nice part was that without knowing that I had done that on Wednesday along with the bathrooms, laundry, kitchen and dining room surfaces etc, well without knowing all that he'd called and asked if he could take us out to dinner.  It was a very nice treat.  We went to Sante Fe the Mexican restaurant we've been going to in town and had a vegetable burrito (Rich had steak burrito) and we had the cinnamon crisp treats.  Really good stuff!

We're just getting back to writing now ... it's about 10:30 am.  We were writing, but then Linda signed on to talk.  I don't think her agenda was set yet with Tony, but after about 15-20 minutes Rich asked us to have breakfast with him and we had to bump Linda.  I felt bad about doing that, but really appreciated Rich's effort to have some quality time together.  We had gone through some stuff the night before ... he had given us a hard time when we went to talk to him after dinner last night (in front of TV).  We had told him we wanted to catch him before he got into his NIGHT of watching TV and that he'd been busy all morning and afternoon with other things.

We went into some other stuff that I might go into later, but in general it was nice.  He started with fishy talk on crawfish, and then we went through some more of his business decisions, and then we talked for a while about what was happening with his mother.  He had a meeting with her and the nursing home, and it is being said that as long as she has the doctor's permission she'll be coming home on Saturday.  Rich said that he will spend about four hours with her, and then do some shopping for her and our family, and then he's going to hope she can handle the rest of the night on her own.  That's what she's been saying at least.

I don't trust that she won't have someone bringing in alcohol again, but can't blame her for wanting to live in her own home ... She's got to appreciate that she usually gets hurt or broken after drinking binges and she has to be responsible for that or at some point the option of returning home won't be a possibility for her.

No one has really either talked directly to Bud's family.  He's been staying for 2-3 weeks at his son Freddies.  I think the original intent was to keep him there for about 2 months and then he would go home too, but there hasn't been any direct communication between them in 3 months.  That's been stopped by Bud.  Sometime or another they are going to need figuring out the living arrangements and what to do with house and nursing home, but Rich's mom is really playing cards by being the first one to take back ownership by pure squatting rights.  We'll see what happens next as things unfold.

Pretty much from our way of looking at it is that Rich's mother needs a caretaker and she has to deal with that.  We personally don't think Rich is putting boundaries in place, but I believe he is trying.  If he's taking care of her for 2-4 hours a day because she states she can't afford others to do it, then that is on Rich for not making his case and standing for his time limits.  As long as he says yes he'll be over then she has an expectation that its going to continue.  His business not mine.

My point is that we're back to ... she doesn't really want to get to know me, I would be someone that would come over to take care of her.  I'm not going to go for that.  I've drawn my boundaries as to we'll have her over or go over there once every week or two for a social event, but not to do things like push her laundry or cut her potatoes.  I know it seems trite, but she's playing a sympathy card in expecting others to give their time and energy for nothing back.  Again, we are up to six years now being in contact with her and she still doesn't know my boys names, and certainly doesn't know my DIL or even how many grandchildren I have.  I can't afford to be back in that kind of narcissistic relationship.

Similarly, I disconnected for a bit with my sister - at least from the point of view of Facebook.  She had continued to cross my boundaries, with no resolution, this particular time because she kept taking pictures and stuff from me and my families without contributing back to life or thinking through her own priorities.  In our way we then become an extension of her instead of our own person.  I said it nicely I had thought, but then I'd accidentally included a paragraph from my correspondence to Linda.  It said pretty much the same thing, but I showed more signs of stress.  She went several times to Linda.  I've talked to Linda since this started and I thought if I'm going to disconnect from FB with CS, that I would also disconnect from talking about her to Linda.  Linda has stated several times she doesn't want to be in the middle and I respect that greatly.  I wouldn't want it either.  The next thing that happened was that CS had written an out loud note saying how desperately miserable her life was and basically that "some"one had victimized her by saying she copied too much pictures and didn't think on her own.  Then she called up some God talk and thanked him for her strong relationship to him.  This was all news to us ... and we thought definitely ... we're not going to be into all that ... that's when we decided to stop the connection.  I'm still available by phone or email if she wants to talk, but I'm not looking toward solving her problems and obviously she doesn't believe she's got them.

That's the sort of thing that happens when one person is in therapy dealing with the psychological parts and the other isn't ... the one that isn't suggests through her behavior it must be that other person is crazy - she IS seeing someone. Bah humbug!  It's a familiar family staple.  That's how people get to being the black sheep.  Again Blah!

So we're going to move on from that.  There is so much more going on in life.  That's where we want to be.  It's not been easy all around.  This week we had a general disconnect.  It's not gone without notice from Dr. Marvin, Rich, and Linda.  I think we're still ok, but there are definite questions coming up.  Rich likes to keep us grounded in the housework parts, and Linda's common denominator is the quilting.  Dr. Marvin is the only one encouraging the work on the mind map and things that we can do to learn/teach about multiplicity.  We want to say its our real life work, and there is from others ... not as much positivity.

We especially have been going through it with Rich.  We've asked him for 10-15 minutes sitting in front of the computer with us so I can show him what we are working on particularly through pulling things together with the mind map.  He refuses to look though.  He thinks things like spending time writing and reading and analyzing are more like a hobby over a vocation.  His preference is that by 7-8 pm we are giving him massages and things that go different like me being at the computer is obsessive.  I find a lot of problems with that message.

The most important thing I'm doing in my life - well I think it deserves that he can spend that small amount of attention to me with it.  His argument is that we don't go fishing with him, so why does he have to go "thinking/organizing" with us.  Point is he doesn't, so then it is up to me to put ourselves in a perspective to deal with that kind of separation in life.  We tried to say that he needs to have an interest in me and my chosen life, but he doesn't see it that way.  BLAH!

I think because of this in general, we've had a backed-up and out week.  I know there are many other variables including work we've done with Annemarie this week, but basically, if people don't make an effort of sharing with me the most important parts of my life, then I'll just back-up a bit.  Just because they aren't interested doesn't equate to me having no interest either.  I want to live in a life that's passionate.  We talked to Rich this morning over breakfast and we went over again that he doesn't seem to be doing anything in life (other than fishing) that makes him happy.  I asked can you at least see some happy part of taking care of your mother?  He said NONE.  Which leads us to thinking maybe he's not enjoying the life we are doing together either.  Most the time is separate with me working on my projects and him on the TV.  He does do business from home, and I do sometime with him with the TV particularly during dinner and when he's getting a massage now in the bedroom.  We did some canceling.  We canceled the second day of church quilting, driving to Dr. Marvin's, driving to Maury's and now the quilting with Carol.  I pulled back from going to the city to get medicine.

For the most part we have enough medicine to make it to Thursday, but we're out of the Risperadal.  The first night we missed it we went a little crazy in that it was thunderstorming and we couldn't get a grip on it.  We were being triggered and it kept Rich up and we felt badly for it afterward, but while it was happening we couldn't stop the jumpiness.  Dr. Marvin says we're going through withdrawal.  We did talk to him on the phone yesterday and he said it was better to go back to the Haldor ... we told him we still had it, rather than not have anything.  We knew the problem with Haldor before as a replacement for Risperadal was that it is a major tranquilizer.  Before we had gotten up to sleeping 16 hours a day.  We'll get back to the other stuff before that, but it's not a pleasant trip ... we've already had falling back to sleep problems this morning ... just get drowsy.  For now we just turned on the music and that seems to help.  We're listening to Adele.  :)

Last night we were talking to Linda a bit, but we got ancy/tired and wanted to lay down.  We ended up laying down on the floor by the window in the guest room which had been a very pleasant experience fed through our system.  But, when Rich figured it out ... then that became a problem.  *sigh*  There are no perfect solutions.

I'll go as far as saying the medicine has an affect on our interests and abilities, but it was after we started having problems.  It seemed if there were boundary issues the best thing then would be to draw a boundary and this includes Rich.  If he's not interested in hearing our insights and discoveries, then he isn't.  I'm not going to try to convince him anymore ... a line in the sand has been drawn.

I realize I am feeling a little defensive about it ... well ok a lot of defensive.

It's been a while again.  It's now 11:37 am.  We had our popcorn break and think we're going to make sure the air is on having trouble cooling off.

Thought so ... Rich had it on at 75 which is too warm for me.  It makes sense that the day starts warming up midday.  Rich is having his lunch now and is watching news.  There is a little noise conflict between TV and radio.  This is where it would be a good idea to be wearing the ear phones.  *sigh*  But, then he is having trouble hearing the TV, because we just turned on the air.  No perfect solutions?

So ... maybe we try to figure out a little there ... the part about our defensiveness.  It is not a word we've defined yet through the mind map.  As to my feelings ... I feel like I need to guard myself because I'm the only one with my back covered.  I wonder then if this isn't a sense of being paranoid - when you think others are thinking negative of you.  Maybe ... wouldn't write it out yet.  There's a little bit of feeling like "I don't give a **** anymore.  Not sure ... thinking that's not a real positive thin either.  I really do care ... just feeling uncared for by others.

We did talk to Dr. Marvin yesterday on the phone and we somehow used up an entire hour.  It was pouring rain here which was just one reason of not going in.  We talked to Rich about talking to Dr. Marvin at the computer and if he couldn't do his work out in the sunroom, but he decided that he was fine in the sitting room.  After we talked to Dr. Marvin, we saw the open loop and asked him about what he had thought - Rich.  Rich didn't appear to like all the conversation around the computer program ... that's the part though that he is avoiding so Dr. Marvin gets even more of it.  He also picked up on a point where we caught our breath and teased him (Dr. Marvin) that we would give him a chance to talk now.  Rich's way of looking at that was that we were not having good manners with Dr. Marvin.  Kelsie was holding the com and she was excited especially because Dr. Marvin was following as she went from screen to screen.  Dr. Marvin obviously doesn't mind ... it's just ONE way we've interacted with him in the past.  He's very good at paying attention to whichever alter/core is out.

But, it left us again feeling defensive because the only thing Rich said about our conversation was a couple negative comments on manners.  I really don't think he's grasping much of us.  It's a hard thing when people don't listen to you, or that it is so complicated for them to meet you in your space.

I think it goes back to finding my own sense of space in the world.  I like the feeling of creating those spaces like we are doing now in thinking from one thing to another.  It might not be fancy or even "correct," but the thoughts we are typing are exactly where our mind is that the instant that the fingers connect with the keyboard.  That is very exciting to me.  Always has been.

We talked to our mother again yesterday ... there was a part I guess where CS must have pushed the FB and of course we had while we were up north, My mother came up with a strong dislike statement which means she's been trying to think it through.  The bottom line on her conversation was that it was a loss of privacy people didn't need to make.  We didn't contest her points, because in our world they are not valid.  But, just as a anthropological study ... it's important for me to listen to the differences in communication between one generation and the other.  Out loud we just told her we will agree to disagree and I understood she held a point different from me, but that it wasn't my same conclusion.  I had an inkling she was trying to cross lines and say that for me ... shouldn't I be considering putting less out there, but she didn't step fully over that ... she certainly knows we've written a book and have many more ideas toward that.  Sorry can't help you there!

It doesn't matter who it is trying to suggest different things to me ... please don't bother.  My mother stepped out of line once more.  She had stated a few calls ago ... she hadn't been able to get her vision checked and it is now past her birthday so she also is driving on an expired licence.  We had confessed that we were in the same boat, but then she decided to push our boat ... about how important it was and how that we could do it for Dr. Marvin because he would be pleased.  I am thinking that she is trying to transfer over the thoughts that Dr. Marvin was an extension of herself and that healthy people could possibly do something not for its own merit, but to please an authority figure.  We were like noooooo, if we were to get it done it would be to satisfy myself and the state requirements.  Then I thanked her, but courteously switch subjects.  We're having problems with it now, but we handled through adult parts, that my mother thought she could come up and suggest what we should do.  NOOOO that's not going to happen ... you can say anything you want, but when you add that - "You REALLY SHOuld ~~" Then you get into that guilt crap that was laid out as a kid.  Don't have to do that now ... though I'm aware that parts of us are already struggling with the ground she tried to lay out.  I think it is part of control.  I know for a long time she thinks of Dr. Marvin as an extension of herself as if her and Dr. Marvin are going to take care.

UMMM NO!  Don't think so.  She has a hard time conceiving that Dr. Marvin could have a purpose in my life other than within her narrow limitations of thought.

I think that's the hard part about Rich lately.  He's still not handling his medical condition.  He did get the shot, but it doesn't seem to be helping.  We say then you have to go back to the doctor to get a different relief.  His way is more close-minded.  He says he was there ... he already had to put out a couple hundred dollars and he doesn't want to pay out anymore.  But, our way of thinking is that you have to do whatever it takes to feel better, which MAY mean putting out a couple hundred more dollars.

Ok, not to say money discussions aren't rampant in our house or others', just saying that the thoughts of his pains are predominant at all times.  It was one thing to hear from him it been causing him problems with the fishing, but quite another to hear that it had affected him physically with us in bed.  I know I'm the younger woman, but I'm not ready to give up on all that.  It's an 8 year difference between us, but I got a hell of a lot more living to do.

Maybe that is part and parcel of his hesitancy ... again another closed door because we are stating that we are trying to define the purpose or meaning of our life.  For Rich his meaning seems to be that he works a terrible job that isn't bringing in money and that he has to go fishing or to watch tV to get away from it all.  I think for him, he is having a hard time bridging that his life may or may not have meaning.  Otherwise why would he fight so hard not to be in that kind of a conversation.

To me ... if you aren't doing anything important than why are you doing it - at least for what purpose?  This is where free choice and free will comes in.

Just thinking one example here ... after I got off the phone yesterday with my mother, rich had asked who it was.  I really do not talk much over the phone.  I said of course my mother.  The next thought was ... I had been trying to call her every 2-3 weeks without an expectation that I had to call.  And, then we got a little scoldy ... I said this is as much relating as we cared to do ... so other than that, my mother is on her own to lead her own life.  I do appreciate that in our relationship and hold it sometimes even grudgingly with Rich in his relating to his mother.  There are such obvious differences.  My mother might have broken a few small protocols, but for the most part things are in order.

My sister did come up in conversation but again those conversations are more about boundaries again.  It seems I can't get past this set of issues and problems.

I did tell my mother that i had cut off the communication through facebook.  Until I said that I hadn't remembered that I was complaining about CS over doing things before while we were up.  Her response was good, and that's when she went into her conversation on FB - and she didn't know the term - but, other social media outlets.  I think she's going through her own boundary issues with CS ... my part of it is just to say it is good to have some conscious realization what it means to have boundaries without all the but, but, but...

So moving on.  I think we still may in our defensive conversation.  This will have to be gone more over with Dr. Marvin, but the basic part is that I feel very few people I can talk to ... and just thinking now I'm looking toward having conversations with people out in the field that are looking at the same kinds of things.  I'm looking for or looking to create some sense of kinship out there where people I know are interested in talking about the things that are important to us.  I have no idea how many or few people that will involve in my life.  Maybe just a few ... maybe more, maybe no more than me and Dr. Marvin, but I am hoping that at least he will always understand.

I'm pretty much feeling like we're jumping off into some different point of time in our space.  I can't take much baggage with me.  And, by that I especially meaning thought and thought patterns that produce little in the scheme of my life.  I still want to have a couple of friends, and a sense of family, but even our boys and their families are separate from our day to day functioning.  I realize that there will be days I look forward to seeing my grandchildren, but in-between I know it is Maury, Nikki, Laura and Mike that are in charge of those things.  I watch some of the stuff going on with some of my facebook friends and their grandchildren.  I just don't see that it is a value to over-identify with that.  I have no intend of going everyday or so needing to be in touch with them.  I would like to hear from them once every month or two though.  Eh ... they are all different.  Still love them!

Not sure where we are up to now ... We should date stamp this as being 12:24 pm and Rich just left about 10 minutes ago.  He's going to meet Bob for a fishing event at their club.  I think it's just the two of them which seems like a good deal.  Something that happened this week is that Bob got married.  WoooHAA!!  Ok, yes you could imagine that Rich took some grief on that from us.  He and Bob are going to need time to figure out how that may or may not affect their relationship.  We already know that Linda is more restrictive of Bob - so time will tell how being married added to the other will affect things.  I don't mind Linda ... just we'll never be overly close ... especially with physical distance between us now.  She still hasn't been out to the house, nor has most the others.  They were coming that once, but it is just when Rich's leg went bad and he wasn't able to handle all that needed to get done to have people over.  I was overwhelmed with having to do both interior and exterior.  So it like so many things went to pause.

ok, definitely were just free-floating along here now.  I think that associations are actually pretty good, but sometimes it makes us feel better to flow down particular tracks.

Maybe we could go over some of the things that we were talking to Dr. Marvin about.  We asked him to turn on our mind map at his place and then we went pretty much down the line in trying to figure out all the new stuff that got added this week.  As to the generic project ...

We did a lot more with David Allen material this week.  We read the first section of his book giving out the general blurb he puts out.  Basically, he uses a diagram of a plane taking off and gaining altitude.  At the beginning of his model, he includes an "in-basket."  He suggests to have as few of these as possible to simplify.  In-baskets can be phones, a computer program, a note pad, a voice recorder, stack for papers, etc.  His thought is that anything you can get out of your brain you should put out (through the in-basket).  Then that gets sorted "by altitude" and you manage things from your trusted source.  This is supposed to clean-up your real brain to take on more because you are dealing with actual next tasks and directing yourself forward without the suitcase load of other thoughts and issues we normally keep juggling.  Even this form of Blogging is and in-basket.  Later down the line we might be able to tell you how it sorts back into our mind-mapping process, but for sure it does.  In our in-basket we've also docked our trash can ... so as we do things that should be thrown away we deposit it into the trash which holds until we do a definite dump.  This helped more parts in the system have chances to let go.

The first level Allen considers is the runway level.  This is where he leaves his next actions.  We read through again to be picking up some things and some were left over since the last time we'd worked on these kinds of issues with our old mind map. In the runway level, we have items such as our handy dandy models (3) for processing our actions, a general calendar, and incubation tray for items we don't want to lose or invest much present time to, and we also have a tray for things to go where we are waiting for others.  Like we are now waiting for Dr. Marvin to talk to the financial people for us.  We'd talked to him about 15 minutes and that is the next stage.

Finally the most importan item in this next action tray - is the next actions.  Here we think of it as mostly location based.  Some of this thinking comes directly from David Allen and some of its a left over from Paper Tiger.  Items under this list include:  Agendas, calls, cars, church, computer/phone, daily thinking/considering, Dr. Marvins, errands, home, learning, office, relaxation and sewing room.  Maybe down the line some of these will also be combined or eliminated.  As Dr. Marvin states part of the beauty of this system is that is always readapting.

The agenda link includes the areas of meetings, one-on-ones, and vacations.  We've parked a few things here like we would like to have Ellie and Mary ann out to lunch on separate occasions.  We listed these as one-on-ones, and for vacation we just left a note for Rich and us to update our goals if any.

Calls are pretty explanatory and it was this particular note that reminded me to give my mother a call yesterday YAYY ... doing something.  I do have to add that we should be putting drivers license on the list as well.  Have to wait until getting back to the big computer for that. Car is divided between transportation or like things like when we should load the car for Carol's or fill up the gas tank, or stop by the church next time out to pick some quilts up.  The church is low on ideas, but it includes our volunteer work.

The next area within next actions cover the computer (desktop and chrome) and phone.  Within these areas are the blogs, email, facebook, multiples blogs, other internet sites, and research toward better understanding of Allen or the mind maps.  The blogs of course include Ann's Multiple and the NEWS DID/MPD.  There were some neat things happening there this week in that we figured it only too a couple really brief copy/pastes and we could have a link to each of our blog entries that went back to so far the beginning of this year.  We put them in their own separate thoughts, and labeled them by year and month.  In not too long, we will go back over ALL the blogs back to 2003.  It's a major task, but the benefits are just glorious.  We found out in the process that both the blogs and the mind map do excellent work with pulling out keywords from anywhere ... so especially on the mind map we can enter the word, "Corey," and eventually any blog entry, or news entry containing that name will come up which allows a study of her situation within our thoughts.  It's really cool.

Email and FB don't have as much stuff right now - primarily reminders like its about time to write the group.  The multiples blogs are the 140 or so blogs that we've listed on the NEWS site, and the other Internet stuff is for things we pick-up but don't have time to read at the moment whether it be a web page, blog or other.  AND, that's primarily what's in that thought link.

The next link is Things we think about or consider daily.  We are still considering how to best use the search feature, we want to do review work (prior to Dr. Marvin) with several things such as developing new routines to talk to Rich, difficulties that came up this week, and also getting in and around this new feature of having a dashboard for the mind map.

In the section of things to consider we left a couple specific defined words that seemed to affect us this week that we figured we should spend some time with such as anxiety, balance, focus, maintain, overwhelm, think, and then work.  As well there is a link to a summary written on the 21rst about processing something that was happening with Annemarie ... there was a pulling of cue hints as to how she was feeling or how the situation was handled, but basically it had started form having a panic attack 15 minutes prior to leaving for the second day of church sewing.  We believe that incident was caused by Annemarie and then in another section we consider things that had not only pulled us back, but afterward help us to pull back into the situation of being ok.  We had to literally calm ourselves - which is something probably happening all the time, but this time it was very conscious.  We had to have something to eat, we were able to open the mind map and find ourselves a place to be there, we switched from coffee to sprite, and then called the church to excuse ourselves officially, though without explanation.

The next section is the one for Dr. Marvin ... here we included the next appointment which was yesterday, but then there is the section on things to be discussed with him including the above with Ann Marie.  There had been notes on how parts - especially Marie and Corey helped progress that situation and then it outlined that it took us 1 1/2 hours to be able to process, and we grounded ourselves by cleaning the floor.  Every time we got up to work, it was about 7-8 minutes, and then we rested for about a half hour.  This was more time than we needed, but it gave us time to "want to" go back to the project rather than being forced, so everything together took about 5 hours - there were three rooms.  I think we explained this before, but we vacuumed, did crevices, cleaned, and then polished.  YAY US!!!

The next thing to mention to Dr. Marvin was that we had finally finished the paperwork for Christian Brothers.  We were pretty sure we'd sent them the paperwork in January, but it took till now to find the original copies, then we had to verify our disability, etc.  BOTTOM line is that is FINALLy done and had been a concern since May.  Dr. Marvin was pleased obviously as were we to report it checked off our list.  It means the difference of having a pension at retirement of about $600 to one of $1-1200.

We obviously spent time talking about CS, but hopefully that will lessen more now that she won't be on our daily view. We will still need to work through issues of sewing with the group, but that will come up in its own time.

We reserved time in the future to go over with Dr. Marvin our goals and aspirations not only for the first 1-2 years, or 3-5 years, but as well life long vision for ourselves.  That's about where the studying of the multiples stuff comes back to mind.

Then ... there was a very big area to talk to Dr. Marvin about with the mind maps.  I think in the overload he stayed caught up to us, but we didn't allow much time for his response.  We were hitting everything that we had been able to trace during the last week.

The first area was that through many processess and a lot of linking and unlinking, we were able to appreciate through putting all the parts into the mind map - a better tracing how they were connecting.  This time in particular we learned more about Corey, Annemarie, and Marie.  Basically, we've known for a long time that if Corey gets stuck, she can ask Marie and then Marie sends her information - at least a lead.  We also realized that with a couple of our fast acting parts - between Kelsie and Lissa that it took Corey to slow things down enough for Annemarie to comprehend, especially through the blog.  Leaving notes on the map - that's just a whole new thing to be explored.  One way or another we're looking forward to the excitement due to come to us soon.

We've already discussed adding our blog entries to the map, so we won't do that again, but it did come up with Dr. Marvin.  We also went through some of David Allen's work on "Getting Things Done," which helped us to plan out the altitude model we were now using.  We had listened to several videos either from the mind map place "TheBrain," but also to videos from David Allen who as an aside was already endorsing the product.  We explained the logic of taking notes on Allen's book GTD, but we confirmed with Dr. Marvin, that we'd hidden those notes from common view because we didn't want to infringe on publishing rights.

We told Dr. Marvin how we'd been advancing the dictionary definitions especally along the lines of a couple quotes we took from Allen, especially on "control."  And, we talked to him about the Search feature on the bottom box, and that on our master computer where the program really resides, that we could pull up a search term and have 75 or more contexts it was attached too.  That's a LOT of potential.

The last thing we talked to Dr. Marvin about was the part about being one of the four brains being highlighted this week on "TheBrain" website for "most addictive" brains.  I think that means it had the most clicks.  I know we're some of those clicks but there were more and being read was super cool.  Yesterday they had listed 290 sources.  I don't think much more would have been added today if we were still on the chart, but ... hmm lets see ... ahhh some!  Today we are up to 335 sources :) YAY!!!

AHA!  It looks like we're still on the most addictive list for this two weeks.  One other guy was there before and now two new ones are ... and the others have been around alot more.

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