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Thursday, February 23, 2017

Here we are...

Wednesday, February 22, 2017 @ 1:03 pm

  • @1:03 pm ... hi this is us.  It's been awhile since we've written again.  I don't know what happened to the time.  Our notes go back to Wednesday,  February 8th, which was the birthday of Linda and my new "Great-niece."  So, it's been 2 weeks.  I do know that we're just getting over a very severe cold which was the worst ever ... especially four days of not being able to breathe from our nose.  There were times we were panicking and thought that we weren't going to survive it, but Rich was good and very supportive.  I remember looking into his eyes as he calmly demonstrated just breathing in slowly through our mouth.  He was extraordinary!
  • The problem part was it was the same weekend that we were supposed to have Austin over.  As it turned out, we had to cancel, but he is coming over this weekend instead.  His time will be shorter, but maybe he'll come again around Easter.  As it is, Rich and us will pick him up on Friday, about 2:30 pm, and then Austin will drive us back.  Saturday we'll drive a little by going to the dog park while Rich is attending a funeral for one of his fishy friend's wife.  And then, we'll let Austin drive to our movie theatre.  I'm not sure if he watched anything last week, but there will be something he didn't see.  And, then on Sunday, we are meeting Joe, Cari and Alex at 10:30 am for brunch in Sugar Grove, a town not too far from here, and then Joe will continue to their community center where they are having karate competitions.  Austin will drive himself home, and then probably Rich and I will go home with me going directly to a nap!  That's about it for the weekend.  I know Austin always brings his computer and hopefully, we will have a chance to talk - several.  I really do look forward to seeing him again.  It's been a long time.
  • I think since the last time of being here, we had a quilting weekend, and we will have another coming up shortly the weekend after Austin's weekend.  We had gotten to about 60% placement of Lake Michigan on our art quilt and during the Saturday event, we sewed some of it down, but not nearly as much as we would have liked.  We got lethargic as people came and there was a lot of talking/listening time where things weren't getting done.  And, then there was time for the birthdays which is always exceptional, but takes away time from the quilting too.  I was grateful when Rich came in about quarter to 9 pm to load our things in the SUV.  I was very tired.  I think there were mumbly things happening after we got in the car, but I think part of the time was sleeping.  I'm not sure, because I'm not remembering it directly - just a sense of the time.
  • There were other things happening.  I think the big things, especially for my sister was that she became a Grandmother and she had brought one of her dogs, she is now calling a service dog ... Linda said CS is using my problem of having a hard time leaving the house as her own problem.  The whole thing was very hard on me.  I think we left it as ... I have recognized problems and have been seeing a psychiatrist for the better part of 33 years.  My problems are real and not just "toy-space."  CS refuses to admit she has any problems psychologically, but all of a sudden needs a service dog.  This is mostly likely because we have a service dog and she copies so much of what others do, especially me.  I do understand people get attached to any animal they have - and sure why wouldn't she want her dog with her.  That is one thing.  To call it a service dog - so she can lie her way through the process is just disturbing.  She wouldn't be the first to do it, but it is why people who do have real concerns and needs get a bad name and reputation is that others like CS are faking their way for a convenience where to others it is a necessity.  To say it isn't fair is just hitting the tip of the iceberg.  I have to stop though otherwise it is going to get me just more upset.  Dr. Marvin talked about her weak sense of identity as a reason she copies other people's.  No matter what the reason, we've battled it with her our entire life and we just hate it.  Not her, but what she does without her pausing to recognize it ... because it affects me.  Not only as an insult to the time I've put into my well-health, but also dealing with her unhealthy coping skills.
  • Others were having problems with the dog being there AS a service dog too. I heard only indirectly from them myself.  It was nice seeing Uncle Mark there ... though he might have been having too good a time, because we heard CS say that he wouldn't be coming back - as something she was deciding though I'm sure later, she'll say that it was his idea.  I know he was in his element and was proud of the work he was doing for CS in cutting.  People gave him space.  
  • There was some problems in communication though because the other four, Linda, Janet, Jean and Emily - talked more to themselves then in a bigger circle where we could be more of the conversation.  When people take it low (noise volume) at the other end of the table, or by the cutting boards, or ironing table where we cannot move to, then we get left out of the conversations.  As well, Linda and the twins get together between times or communicate on phone so they are in discussions we are not a part of.  We have to work hard not to take it personally.  But, that is a problem of ours.  We don't feel very important when we are discluded.
  • We talked to Dr. Marvin about things that were going on, and so I think these are the fragments that are left.  He was the one that reminded us not to take things personally.  It was more on the others for pulling back.  They may have not recognized what they were doing and maybe because we were spacier with the CS thoughts going on in our mind - or, even with the problems we were having facing our own project.  There are times, I think we are not as approachable.  We think we were doing ok on the outside, but maybe our inside shown through.  It was one of those times, we were very grateful to Dakota for being there for us.  Rich was in and around, but he tried to stay away, because he had the cold he would later give me.  He was very conscientious of not trying to spread it.  
  • We do recall that we were having a good time at another level, but I am not attuned to that part that was out.  I think though we were talking and laughing, so maybe whichever part that was - was having a perfectly fine time.  I think our outtake of it after leaving was how much we enjoyed being with the girls, so maybe the part(s) that were out were totally unconscious of those of us, like me who were having a harder time.  It's hard to be a multiple sometimes in sharing our life.
  • Dr. Marvin said something about that yesterday that most people have difficulties in life, but that he knew as us being a Multiple, we had extra difficulties, and we got the feeling from him that he admired us for giving the effort we do give in having a good life.  I'm still thinking we are having a good life, just we've been down do to the cold and problems, especially with CS.  I don't think she even picks up that we have problems in relating to her.  We try to hide it, because we often think that if we are having a problem with her, maybe the problem is that we are not relating well.  I mean, she is how she is, and we certainly have known her long enough to get over things, but we don't.  Seems like every encounter has a learning curve.  I wish that we had a better relationship, but we do have A relationship and we do the best to honor it.  Just have to sometimes clear our mind.  
  • 1:49 pm ... we were over at FB for a little bit ... just checking up on things. Ok, somehow we moved on from that and am now eating several marshmallows - THREE!  Could be worse.  Missy is meowing ... better check their water.  Hmm, she wasn't empty, but no reason not to give her something fresh.  PLUS, we went to the bathroom ... ok general check done.  I think we're getting more to the point of knowing we should be doing something with the house today.  The bare minimum is that we should pick-up the kitchen (from today stuf) and sweep the kitchen floor, and then if really good, we would vacuum the sitting room floor.  I think that's the only one that needs it now, but I think last time we saw the vacuum, it was full of dirt.  So, maybe Rich has to clean that out first.  Ok, BEST THING!  Would be if we could sweep the floor.  
  • The problem part beside "mood" is that our legs have been aching all day.  It's more like the wobbly feeling in the back of the legs when we first stand up and need to stretch, but they are continuing to feel bad past the first few seconds.  We took a long nap with Dakota late this morning between saying good bye to Linda and getting up to take our medicine and have lunch.  We knew it was going to be a doozy because we actually went back to bed in our bedroom taking Dakota with us.  He's a good sleeping buddy.  Now he is laying next to my feet, keeping my ankles warm.  Good boy.  It can't be the marshmallows we're still eating, because we RARELY share them and he knows it.  We also got a glass of ice water.  We're trying to think of things that would make us feel better enough to get something done.  We're not to the part though of saying ... well like in 15 minutes we're going to do something.  Maybe the rule is ... the next time somebody gets up they will ... and then we have to fill in the blank.  I think that usually gets something done.  I remember the old days where we used to write a lot and then we'd get things done.  Dr. Marvin was talking yesterday about getting back to the writing and evernote, and then we drop the conversation there.  Not sure why we were supposed to be doing this.  Just that we were, so here we are doing it.  
  • Clocks just chimed 2 pm.  Time seems to be going fast.  I know someone was suggesting before ... maybe sometime yesterday, but I don't think with Dr. Marvin - because we'd forgotten, but someone was suggesting that we make more effort WITH the house, so we could walk around it as if we lived here all the time.  I know that it was very hard for us to feel at home when we had other people around.  Even Rich said today when he left, that he was going to be gone today, so that we could feel free to move around and get stuff done.  I think the part we are afraid to admit is that Austin is coming so we have to make a better impression.  His room is good - and even has the shade now, but we have to make sure it's dusted.  Rich already vacuumed that room.  So, we could add dusting his room today too.  That wouldn't be so much, but it is already late in the afternoon.  We'd have to push past our own barriers.  I think the water is better for us, than the marshmallows.  They are gone now.  Half a glass of water left, and then we are going to have to stand up and reach for more.  Hmm, there is some on the small table between the couches.  Maybe next time up ... we can pick-up the few things off in the kitchen AND table and assure the dishwasher is being processed.  PLUS, get water.  Still a half a glass to go.  
  • Oh, I know too!  We wrote a couple of letters to our Multiple friend Lisa on Monday.  That's something we did.  We were backed up a bit so had to do some major catching up.  I wonder what we talked to her about?  Why don't I look ... that would be ok, right? 
  • 2:51 pm ... Back again.  we were at least a little productive.  We got the major 4 rooms picked up and the dishes started, plus we did the mail.  Not much past that - oh and we did read the letter to the Lisas and we looked around Pier 1 a little, but we weren't seeing things that interested us.  When we opened the mail though we were surprised to get another card - must have expired from Amazon.  That was the cheap $500 card that kept messing me up because of the high percentage used whenever I used it.  I took it off my Amazon account so it would not be defaulted to.  It was hurting my credit rating.  Surely didn't want another card.  sigh  There are other things to do ... but we ran out of back-space.  I would like to wash the table now that it is cleared and to check the counters now that they are cleared as well.  We still have to sweep the kitchen floor and we should empty the litter box and garbage.  It is almost 3 pm, so we'll try not to save those for too long.  I think Rich has a full day, but as long as we're working a bit, then we'd like to have things done before he gets home.  I believe he had appointments at 10 am, 12 pm & 2 pm.  Probably they were toward the city.  Think that is my wish list at this point.  It be pretty good for missing most the morning - not feeling well.
  • Hmm, I guess I never made it to the shower today either.  Small chance to none about getting out of PJs, though it would be nice to go sit outside.  I know not all of us can do that.  
  • 3:23 pm  I don't know what was just happening.  Remember hearing school kids and thinking it must be around 3 pm, and then we were petting the dog.  Now he is up and whining because someone walked past with a dog.  No you can't go out!  I remember thinking ... we usually watch news, but then heard complaining that we wouldn't be able to control our thoughts, because our minds would start following the news instead of our own thoughts.  I guess sometimes that isn't bad.  I remember telling Dr. Marvin, we'd been watching the news a lot again.  He asked us about it and we told him our thoughts on National politics mostly.  We seem to know a lot, but that part isn't me.  That's another thing.  Someone was talking to Dr. Marvin about this business of figuring out what parts are doing what - or basically, trying to figure out how we operate.  But, someone was complaining.  I don't know the argument.  Just remember being surprised, because however this might work, we thought that all were for it - just having hard times with it and now it seems that someone is blocking the efforts.  It's been a strugglepuss.  
  • I think we want to be eating all the time.  I know this is a change of subject, but we can feel ourselves rubbing our forehead and it feels like confusion, and then it's like hearing the question ... isn't there anything to eat?  I know though we had breakfast, a short roll of GS cookies, 3 marshmallows and 2 peanut butter breads.  That should be plenty to keep us full.  I think we're wanting to eat more as a distraction.  Oh, and we forgot, but someone wants us weighing in again ... but lets not do that at this point of the day, hmm?  Hmm, we did it anyway.  We took off our shoes and weighed in at 290.6.  I think the other day it was 291.4.  So, we're not going to complain about that, especially after eating so much.  Just there's not much control over it.  Our best defense is sleeping through it.  I think though that we have to take our medicine ... It's now 3:30 pm.  BRB
  • 3:42 pm BACK!  AND we did good.  We took our medicine, then we found a bag of Werther caramels from Rich and we put them in a cup saying we should have a good day - in our sewing room ... and then we took a shower.  After that there was a relapse in that we got out fresh things, but it was another pajamas.  We weren't ready to go outside - not all of us at least.  Dakota of course followed us into the bathroom to make sure we were ok, then as normal, he lies down in the bedroom on the floor, and now he's lying down next to me back by the computer.  I feel better ... everybody feels better fresh out of the shower, I think.  Plus the dishwasher is going and that's always a good thing.  Now is about the time though to ask if we can do a little more, or if we're pretty much done for the day as to housework.  If sweeping is too much, maybe at least we'd feel good enough to do the litter box and garbage?  Hmm, there's that thing between smelly and clean.  Maybe it's not so bad, but we can decide in a few moments.  We do like to have things done for Rich by 4 pm and that's 13 minutes away, so maybe doable?  Why are these things always so hard for me/us?  Rich SHOULD have a clean kitchen to cook in.  He put in meat before he left - maybe the kind that gets sauerkraut with it.  He doesn't have too much to do, BUT the garbage is full again ... happens every day or two it seems.  
  • Wow!  That was a bad memory.  I just thought first "dang white garbage bags - always getting full!"  But, then that kicked back to growing up.  My mother always had big green garbage bags.  I don't remember, but suppose they were sitting in something, but just remember the garbage getting too full and flowing over and then someone would come over with messy garbage and it be terrible.  Maybe we should do the garbage now.  We try for that NEVER to happen although we don't always get the flashback with it.  BRB
  • 4:02 pm ... It didn't take long at all and about the time we were finished, Rich called.  He wanted me to check the lamb.  I think that's what he said it was.  We had a little talk and he's not upset for me not getting the floor done, but he said we should get outside because next week isn't going to be so nice.  So, we got dressed and we're popping some popcorn, and we went over what to do if noisy Don comes over.  AND he said he'll drive me to Chicago tomorrow because he has appointments there.  YAY!  So, taking water, popcorn, AND phone and heading out bye!
  • 4:54 pm ... we're IN again!  Rich isn't home yet, but we finished the popcorn AND didn't have the snoopy neighbor.  Ok, a couple minutes later ... we were reading something forget, but then we were petting the puppy.  He knows its getting time for d-i-n-n-e-r.  And, he's a little jumpy, but we want him to wait on the chime ... any moment now.  He's nervously chewing on his antler.  He can feel the excitement in the air!  YAY!  Is it time, almost, almost?  Maybe about 30 seconds ... waiting, waiting ...
  • 5:18 pm!  There we go!  It's done and EVERYONE is happy!  We fed Missy for Rich too because he's home late today - meaning anytime after 5 pm.  I'm glad we went outside ... it seems to have lifted our spirits, and THEN because Rich should be home pretty soon.  He said an hour, but he wasn't looking at the GPS - otherwise he'd be more exact and we thought he had longer to go because he said he was still on the North side of Chicago.  We'll be patient, right?  AND, dinner has been cooking all day so it won't take too long.
  • 5:25 pm ... YAY!!!!! He's home!  He's been on the expressway for a while, so we're waiting a moment for him.  AND, you can be pretty sure that the animals were happy.  Missy came out of hiding AND Dakota ran back and forth as if to tell me - he's here!  He's Here!  Then he goes and jumps on Rich.  Yes boy he's here! 

Thursday, February 9, 2017

It was a very long day ... happy in the end so much got written, just it was hard

  • Good morning!  This is us and the picture shows ALMOST the place we are with the quilt.  We've got a few more rows done, but not a lot.  It is on its way.  We have decided too that we're not going to wash clothes until Friday, so we have some GOOD time to get going with this quilt today, AND we're GOING to try very hard to work on it yet this morning.  It's just after 8:30 am, so we've still got some time to get our blog entry started.
  • We do want to say something here that should be good news, my nephew is having a baby today with his girl.  They already know that it's going to be a girl and that it WILL be delivered today.  Good luck to them and all that comes after.
  • In other news ... It is LINDA'S birthday today.  We made her a happy birthday picture several hours ago.  This is it!  We love Her, and we even love the picture!

  • We figure the picture is perfect for LInda - the colors work, she IS having a birthday today, she LOVES minions, she loves Kids' movies, it IS winter (snowed this morning), but most important LOVES seeing kid movies WITH her Grandchildren!  LOVE IT when it all comes together hehe
  • So, what else is in "the news?"  Probably some Trump stuff, but not saying much there.  I do think it was interesting in that last night CNN had the verbal tape for what has been going on in the legal system - 9th circuit between the 3 judges and the Washington State attorney and Trump's federal attorney.  I'm thinking that they are going to kick-it back to a lower court to get more information - actually from both sides.  But time to tell.  We understand that it should probably only take a day or two before the court will decide the next step.  We didn't think either attorney came as prepared as they should have.  We think the judges were on top of things, and we were surprised how quickly the session took.  The attorneys were called to speak and think quickly, and they were both a little nervous I think, but that be the nature of the beast I would imagine especially that it went "nationally," and probably "internationally."  I don't remember anything really like that before where the court audience was the whole world.  So that was a good deal even if we couldn't understand all that they were saying.  There seems legally to be sooo many precedents to be followed, that you can be told that stuff upfront, but not know the luggage behind it.  Rich and us were watching that around dinner time.  
  • After dinner, we both did the standard stuff like medicine, dog, bathroom, pajamas, cleaning up the kitchen ... you know the regular stuff before you settle down and get into some really good Tuesday night shows.  Well, at least NCIS.  I can't say I made it too far into Bull before falling asleep for the night.  I imagine someone was getting his back rubbed at the time, but cozy IS cozy, you know!
  • This morning we woke up about 5 am and we have been on the computer a good part, but we also spent some time with Rich in the sitting room - TRYING NOT to act TOO strange ... It's long since been established that SOMEone LOVES to sing in the morning and there is no topic too broad!  We do admit, that Dakota gets a LOT of songs sang to him while he's being petted.  Yah yah ... he knows that and soaks it up!  THEN, we moved onto the time where things get pretty much continued, but besides me being up to serve RICH coffee, well then it is time for him to make US omelettes.  Yes, you could imagine Dakota gets pretty excited about that.  We usually scrape out most of the small ham pieces for him.  I suppose we could tell Rich we don't need so much ham, but Dakota seems to enjoy it SOOO much!  That be the deal!
  • Rich has by now left because he had meetings today and then he'll be back around 1 pm, and then I believe he has a 5 pm fishy meeting.  Yah - whatta life!  We jumped in the shower after he got out to save on "SQUEEGEE" efforts and now said half of effort person is dressed and ready to progress the day.  Said super hero dog - is lying faithfully next to us.  God bless him!
  • Yesterday, we got done with a few more rows of the quilt art, and it seems to be coming along fine.  We are a little frustrated, because we are trying to keep both edges pretty even and yesterday the two sides were about a half inch a part, and now they are a FULL inch apart.  I think this is going to call for an intervention this morning.  We might have to put on the next layer so the right side is built out that extra depth.  It shouldn't be a big deal and probably isn't to ANYone in the world besides us!  BUT, we do want our waves to be straight on!  Hehe  It is going down as PRETTY creative and its not exactly following the pattern we had placed out on our table.  In general it is, but we have to keep re-gauging where we want the extra colored and "dark" colors to be so as to add appropriate light and dark spaces to get fully the balance, PLUS we want to get the whole range of colors we'd picked out earlier, so not so much each individual color, but as to the GENERAL OUTER number of colors - think they are all being used, and they are all probably following pretty much the color order and pattern, we'd designated before.  Now it's like, ok - been a day, so our minds are fresher and more apt to see things like - ok, we want the sunny part to spread out more to make it look more like the light pattern of an ultra sound - you know it curves out at the bottom.  Just artistic pleasure happening there!
  • AHA!  It's chiming 9 am now.  We're feeling pretty good with the morning so far.  And, our fingers are flying productively - IF you can call this kind of journalistic writing productive.  Hehe at the very least we are progressing the length of this blog entry - AND hopefully, even more.
  • Yesterday ... well, umm right now ... could we have MORE to eat?  Still hungry.  Think it's nervous energy ... we want to write, but we also are looking at getting to the quilting.  The pause/play button is should we have something else to fill our hungry soul.  Maybe?  Whatta we got?  Ok, yes ... chilli does seem good - Rich made some the other day for the Superbowl for me because he was going to be out with the guys.  I KNOW it's supposed to be our dinner as well as a couple of pork chops from last night, but we have WAY plenty to eat.  We just dished some out and there's an entire bowl left.  Yes, when Rich is away ... well you know the rest, but it is in GOOD part why we are always overweight.  BUT, don't want to get into that now.  Let's get back to the Dr. Marvin part.
  • Well first, we would like to say that we left here pretty close to 11 am.  That's our standard time and it gets us to his off 30-40 minutes early.  With a 60 mile trip INTO Chicago - you never know the traffic, so have to plan ahead.  The next part is that Rich drove us.  This is getting to be a luxury, and we know that we'd like to try by tomorrow's appointment to do the drive by ourselves, or at least ourselves WITH Dakota.  It is definitely harder.  I know we did have snow covering everything this morning, but things should be fine by tomorrow if it doesn't snow again.  Better check the weather. 
  • WOW!  Snowstorm to gust through NE US AND man narrates as tornado tears through New Orleans - tough spot to live New Orleans!  BUT, I'm thinking we're going to be getting some more snow.  This is the weather map.  We were having snow this morning to the point of having to wipe Dakota down with a towel, but thinking this BLUE part of the map AND the fact that that little pin with the round red top represents Sandwich, IL well, just seems to me we are going to get some more snow.  Most things go EAST - and there's a whole hell of a lot more coming!

  • We should have grabbed the "key," but it seems the blue snow colors are between light and moderate amounts.

  • Yup, yup ... snow filling up Iowa and headed toward Illinois - though a bunch here already.  It seems to be going a little NE after getting past Lake Michigan, and our friends in WI seem to be missing this one.  Let's check the particulars now, hmm?  The bulk of the present IL stuff seems to be swishing south of us, and that's ok too!  Man oh man - just a little snow today, and tomorrow will stay cold, but by Friday and Saturday we're up to the 40's and 50's again - WOOHOO!  Looking further into things - it looks like snow starting in about 30 minutes, so like 9:50 am, but that it will be light.  We will have flurries for a couple of hours, take a couple of hours off, then about 2, we will have a couple more hours of flurries, but then will stay just cloudy overnight, and then starting about 7 am tomorrow, it will be sunny and clear ALL DAY LONG.  At least, til 9 pm, and at that it's just a little cloudy.  And, then because we're traveling to New Berlin WI over the weekend ... - it says there it is in the 20's today and mostly cloudy - no snow, and although cloudiness will continue on Saturday when we'll be there, it is also expected to be about 45 degrees.  That is GOOD taking dakota outside weather!
  • Ok, we're on the next part ­čśâ  Linda signed on for a moment and we were able to say again Happy Birthday.  She said she was getting coffee, but pretty much on her way out.  Her and Tony are getting breakfast.  Nice start to the day ­čśâ Ok, we'll see how she's doing through the day - Maybe she can go quilt shopping and add REAL VALUE points to her day hehe.
  • I think though way back ... way back BEFORE weather, we were talking about driving to Dr. Marvin's.  Well, short note there before we get to the next part ... but we LOOK like we're having good weather for Dr. Marvin's though it will be cold.  Hmm, that sends a little spurt though ... figuring our hands are cold, we had to use the washroom, we plugged in our phone so in a little bit, we could call in our medicine, AND we picked up from the end table our newer book of Jennifer Louden's Daily Guided Journal.  Oh, yes ... and we are nursing some bread and butter pickles.  Oh yes, you need to keep up if you don't want to miss a beat.  
  • More in a bit I believe on driving into Dr. Marvin's ... it came up through the discussion with him, so we'll include it there.  First though - is that we drove in with yesterday - and we want to pull up some thoughts we may have had.  In a multiple system - it's like asking - ok, did anyone have any experiences at that time that we all might want to remember out loud?  Yup yup - that's pretty much how it goes.  So, now we have to pause a moment and see if anyone brings something up.  Hold on.  Let's see ... remember not getting to the Kindle, but being on the phone.  We did make a message to dentist and her receptionist called us back later.  We have an appointment on Tuesday, February 28, at 4 pm to see the dentist about the partials we are going to be needing.  Better write that down in our Google calendar.  BRB.
  • Wow!  We were really impressed with Good 'ol Google.  Here, we just posted this to FB.
Good morning ... we were just adding a dental appointment for end of February on our Google calendar, and we paused to check out a few "New" notes on our Google+ page. These following pictures were located there and we thought worthy of noting.
First Google did something, we didn't know it did. We were aware that pictures being uploaded from our phone/camera were going to a Google cloud, but they figured they could make our life more interesting. About a month ago, we posted pictures all around our house to "show-off" the new siding. But, our friends at Google? They decided to make a panoramic for us. I LOVE it! We didn't know how to get the close-up of our house without stitching together photos (but we have no knowledge and don't believe our phone does it), but we love Google helped us out there without any coaching from us - You put it there Google!
And, then the other two pictures - Google thought out loud - hey, wouldn't you like to see what you were doing a couple of years ago on this day? Hehe - Hence the pictures of Dakota in the deeper snow in his bathroom and on the porch. Cool, hmm? These pictures brought forward are from February, 2015. Today, we FINALLY got back into some snow, but it was just a flurry. It covered the ground, but not what a former Minnesotan would consider REAL snow - we'll get some more flurries today, but nothing to write home about ... funny thing was that we were just conjuring up this image of "deep" snow and the marker of Dakota in it - and then WHOOSH! It became "present!"
Google see you've "got our back!"

  • Pretty cool, hmm?  Love the pictures!  Doesn't Dakota look so young!??  Have to say too, a bit thinner ­čśö
  • Ok, moving on ... are we getting anywhere?  Think at this rate, we're going to be hours away from the quilt art!  Ok, girl ... let's concentrate.  Our "marker" here is Dr. Marvin - and I think we were still in the part where we were "getting there with Rich."  Better read back for a moment to see if ANYthing is catching.  I think this is what was meant - where you ask a question and anyone/everyone adds their two cents without a WHOLE lot of clarity of the brain getting from one spot to another.  Let us look!
  • Ok, let's try again.  We were driving in with Rich ... made a call AND made a dentist message, AND then later, they called us back ... and now the date and time FIRM is written in Google - despite the distraction of the pictures/FB entry above.  Pswhoo!  Believe it or not, we may be making progress.  So as to being in car with Rich OTHER than call.  Better note down the general schedule - I think realistically this is how we frame in our collective memories ... first this, then that - and now "in-between" all that.  So first, left on time at 11 am for Dr. Marvin's.  We had to wait for Rich because we were soooo eager to get out the door and to get going.  We remember driving and looking at scenery and talking to Rich.  We were having a hard time remembering what we were seeing and it seemed like it had been a long time since driving in the car, in the country with him.  We forced a memory search and discovered, we had actually been out for a few miles the week before bringing Dakota for his hair cut, and before that we were out with Maury and his girls for Isa's birthday.  Just it didn't feel like just a week ago, and for late not being out of one's house for a week is no big deal.  Then, we remember stopping at a new gas station along the way - and felt good that stretch finally had somewhere to stop for snacks, gas or washroom, YAY!  Thinking we were talking to Rich, but in a gradual way, and then we remember getting curious about Lucille Ball and whether or not she had 2 children or 3.  We read several long articles, but am now not remembering if that was before or after Dr. Marvin's ...just that we were in the car doing it with Rich.  We're also remembering now - Rich had gotten subway sandwich/flatbread for lunch, AND we stopped at the bank (Dakota got his cookie), AND that Rich had stopped on business while we were at Dr. Marvin's.  That's MOST of what we remembered.  Oh Yeah - on the way home we had to stop at BK for bathroom, and then Rich stopped at Walmart to pick up some pickles/salsa that he purchased and bagged, but never made it to his bag.  
  • THERE!  Wasn't that fascinating giggle!  There ... that reminded me we had to "start-up" the phone which has now charged to 35% and that allowed us to call Walmart for our medicine and now it whould be ready by 4 pm, so Rich can pick it up before or after his guys' group meeting tonight.  YAY!  When the prescription is ready (text message), we'll call Rich and let him know anytime.  
  • Ok, with that - let's just then say we've gotten to the part of having MADE IT to Dr. Marvin's.  The first thing was that again we had to use the washroom (shows poor diabetes control, hmm?) and that we got there about 35 minutes early.  YAY!  Perfect timing for us and it gives Rich a little more time to get HIS things done.  We sat down and settled Dakota in the waiting area outside Dr. Marvin's office (and also part of the larger office area for UIC billing and graduate program).  The NEXT thing we do is listen for Juliana.  I'm sure we've mentioned her once or twice.  She's our favorite person - and we figured out with Dr. Marvin - she's our favorite GIRLfriend in the STATE of IL.  We talk to her IN-PERSON almost every time we go to Dr. Marvin's ... at least if we go in AND she's working that day.  She is pretty steady.  We have NO formal business together, she just came up to us and made herself known when she saw that we'd brought Dakota into Dr. Marvin's office.  We've been in love with her ever since.  She's about our age, maybe a little younger, but not too much.  
  • So anyway, we were listening to see if we could hear her (couldn't see her visually), we don't like to snoop around because we don't talk to many others behind those cubicles, but us AND Dakota ARE very interested in Juliana.  We get hugs and conversation AND Dakota KNOWS Juliana has brought bones in for him.  When we first sit down, believe me ... he is listening for her too.  The next thing and the true thing for what happens next (yesterday) was that we FINALLY hear (both together - Dakota and Us) that Juliana IS in her office though it took 10-15 minutes of waiting.  We're good like that.  So, the next thing is to release the hounds of Baskerville ... all we do is say, "Dakota!  Go find Juliana!"  He looks at us laughs heartily and jumps into action.  He goes around the cubicles (double side in middle of the floor with offices around the circle).  Next thing we hear is Juliana's VERY excited voice saying something like, "Dakota you've found me!  AND then "You've made my day!"  And then, "Where's your Mama?"  Hehehe it's about the steadiest thing we know EXCEPT Dr. Marvin himself!  So, then both Dakota and Juliana come back, and she treats Dakota, and then he lies down between us and we talk and talk and laugh and laugh.  We show her some progress pictures and we talk about each other's projects - especially house, and we ESPECIALLY talk about each other's dogs.  The first question we HAVE to ask, is "Do you have a PUPPY YET!  
  • Unfortunately, a couple of months ago, Juliana's St. Bernard died.  She has another dog, but this vacancy filling up her heart ... 
  • It's now 12:12 pm.  We've been in and out a bit, but have to reorganize our brain.  We've been at these points before, where we don't feel we can move on until we get some important things entered in our writing.  AND, we know we have to get to the parts of Juliana and Dr. Marvin.  I think after that ... we'll be caught up.  We did have some things happening in-between.  We did take our medicine - close to on time, and I don't know if we wrote it, but we did get in our prescription, and then on the side, we talked to Rich and he knows that it's in process.  He has to pick up something for his mother too.  We told him it be ready by 4 pm and we'll contact him if its earlier.  Right now - it's not been posted yet.  
  • Giggling - just checked FB and ran across this picture from Kathryn on Managing DID w/BPD.  Think it's pretty funny and explains this long dawdling post - 100% PERFECT!

  • Ok, that's just so gosh darn funny - we're thinking certainly God does work in marvelous ways.  Like now where were we?  I think something of the interruptions between interruptions - and all keeping us from getting to the art quilt - ONE of the TWO main things we wanted to do today.  Admitting that writing right now in this blog being the other thing of value.  AND, becaue our memory is so temporary and vague, we just have to move it along ... If in real jeopardy of not finishing the art quilt, we might have to do Dr. Marvin's appointment from home.  It's just that both are so high on the priority list that the long aching drive to Dr. Marvin's just hasn't stayed top priority - at least at this moment.  Too much time without getting things done.  I am EXTREMELY glad we were at his office on Tuesday, and REALLY REALLY hope to get back on track with going in ... just gotta be able to balance ALL the priorities, You know?  How the Hell did we used to write AND go to work?  Thinking now we used every single day off, AND Rich wasn't around as much - meaning we could write into the night and WEE early morning hours.  Remember falling asleep at 8 pm and waking around 2-3 am.  Pswhoo.  It was a life style!  HAPPILY moving on!
  • Ok, getting back to the Juliana part, we may have mentioned the general things we were talking about, but there was one part in particular that caught the attention when we got in to see Dr. Marvin.  She was our first area of conversation.  
  • ok, ONE more interruption.  We went to check on Dakota - to see if he wanted out, but then he laid back on the couch AN while up, we remembered to do a few things around the kitchen.  It's about 12:30 pm and Rich is due home at any time.  So we did the basics to finish cleaning up.  We put the last few things in the dishwasher, started it up, did the kitty litter, and emptied the garbage.  THERE!  That's all we had to do with catch-up EXCEPT the writing and the art quilt.  Pswhoo - What a schedule!  Our life is SOOO much better than the old days!  Life just has a lot less stress and the stress that is there is the good stuff, mostly what makes us productive, if not creative.  As a side marker, we DID choose not to listen to CNN, but by no fault of our own - neglected putting on music.  We're going to do that now.  There we go - soft pop "our stuff!"  I think anxiety is building up because it is taking our minds so much time to get things done.  We only missed one day of the writing, but feels yards in the arrear.  Focus girl.
  • Well with Juliana for the 80th time ... one of the things I believe we've said is that we were showing her some of our pictures.  She saw mainly the last coloring picture.  Hehehe she's not going to color any time soon!  And, we showed her the kitchen pictures - finished.  She really loved those and it sparked conversations on what she was doing too.  She's being slow on the pictures needing to be hung in her living room/dining room I believe, so we might want to focus on that a smidge.  But, not much hehe - we are NOT her therapist.  But, we do have common interests and remodeling/decorating has been part of all that.  Another focus point has been the quilting.  Since we haven't been in for a bit - were we in last week?  Don't think so, but thinking it's been a month, well we ... SHOOT - Rich just got home ... got our kisses and the dog got petted, and now he stopped in the reading room ... shoot how are we EVER going to get to this part of our writing.  FOCUS!!!
  • We showed her the updated picture of the quilt.  I thought her jaw was going to drop on the floor.  She wanted to tell us that it is a WORK OF ART!  She thought it should go in some kind of contest and I knew she WAS really excited which is what any "artist" would hope for.  We knew there was a chance we could show her along with Dr. Marvin, so we made sure to update it's progress.  But ... the very first thing Juliana asked was in a very upbeat excited voice asked, "Who's that for?!!"  We giggled and said for ourselves!  I said, that we don't own any quilts (Rich owns a few), but we don't because we usually give the quilts away.  But, after that we just went on to discussing it and we showed her the picture of Lake Michigan which the quilt was based on.  She's probably seen in-between pictures of it, but at this time she was floored, and that was the excitement that carried on in our heart as we entered Dr. Marvin's office and sat down and where all our fresh Juliana thoughts came out.  
  • I think Dr. Marvin is proud of us for this relationship.  I think we've talked to Juliana a lot more than him!  I know they know each other, but he's more professional with her, although I know there is a dialogue going on with them because he knows about her losing her dog - that is directly other than him and us talking about it.  She told him in passing us from her to him that she had come in contact with an almost dog.  We'd already discussed, but she wanted to run it past him.  It was a little sad, but we left it up to him to remind her that we had to go in for our appointment.  I wish she could come in and talk, but I don't think that is a part of the regular program.  It be an interesting thought asked out, but that's not where we're going here for the moment.  
  • Thing was we were sitting there recapping our "event" of having spent the last 20-25 minutes with Juliana to Dr. Marvin.  And, we had gotten to the part of explaining Juliana's excitement for the quilt ... and the part where she asked us where it was going came out again ... along with some of the guilt/excitement/thrill - oh yes ... it was all there, and this might be the biggest part of the Dr. Marvin conversation - although there is several more things we'd like to talk about now, but at that very moment of talking to Dr. Marvin, it occurred to us ... we should give our art quilt to Juliana!  We were just processing our thoughts with Dr. Marvin - and it just slipped out in this perfect feeling of contentment.  I remember a hush of caution and looking up into Dr. Marvin's face, then eyes.  I said, did we just say that?  Could we give our quilt to Juliana?  He was just smiling beaming back at us in his regular way of being caught up in one of our conversations.  We admitted that the thought had passed less consciously a few minutes prior.  Nothing that we wanted to say yet to Juliana, but to be said with Dr. Marvin for him to help us check it out.  We know that he wouldn't say anything one way or another, but would support either the conversation to keep it or give it away.  One way or another - it was a VERY new thought and we were caught in the moment - the same moment of excitement we are experience right now as we write.  We were by that time showing him the same picture of the quilt, that we'd showed Juliana.  We were thinking abstractly in one of those above mentioned/pictured - sub sub thoughts that it was perfect in that Chicago was the space in-between Juliana's and our worlds.  She works and I meet Dr. Marvin in Chicago.  It's a big "marker-town" for both of us, but we come from different directions.  She lives in Indiana, and we live way out in Sandwich, but we both hold the town as ours AND that's what this quilt is all about.  That excitement of Chicago and being a part of something so much bigger than oneself.  
  • Better jump to another paragraph - that one is getting pretty big.  Take a breath ... now lets recap ... where are we with this PARTICULAR conversation ... Because it really is the biggest centered part of our life at this moment.  BTW ... Rich did just come back, sit on the couch in back of me and asked if he could have a half an hour rest.  And, we told him definitely, but begged him to sleep to the music and not fall asleep listening to the much more tense and jarring CNN and all it's life about Trump.  He was hesitant, but seemed to understand where we were ... he let it go.  So, we're back to writing and he's being quiet, BUT here.  PERFECT!
  •   There's another sub sub plot going on here as well.  Well, besides the part where we are a patient and she's a worker person.  We always knows that, but while with her it feels like two best girlfriends giggling and having a good time WITH our shared pet, Dakota.  Well, as stated in the sub sub part - Last year - while it was still nice enough to be having lunch outside - Juliana joined us out there one day while we were waiting for Dr. Marvin.  It was just the nicest "happening."  And, during that conversation, she asked us, if she could buy a quilt from us.  We said, absolutely not - we give away our quilts, we could make one and give it to you, but we didn't want money.  There was oohs and ahhs over the thoughts, but basically, we told her that we would talk it over with Dr. Marvin, but that we VERY much preferred making her a quilt and that if she wanted, she could buy a pattern and fabric, and then we would sew it for her, but it would be for free.  NO ONE is really able to buy quilts for their true value.  There's the thoughts of cost as to money put out, but a quilter can put many many hours into it - and per hour ... it just doesn't equal out to the general person's affordability level.  PLUS, there are a lot of quilters like us that put our heart into things and wouldn't want to break that solace by "selling-out" her talent.  It is a work of art - and most quilters, I believe, don't make a living out of quilts.  Perhaps, some kinds do - the Kentucky woman who I do not know who sewed my loved guest room quilt, but other than those kinds of arrangements where women sell for low amounts of money to companies who sell quilts.  I know it is low, because the middle man must make money, and I know I got those quilts - a full set for about $750-800 and for what we got ... it was very little money.  There was a big blanket - Queen size, and then a nice size lap blanket, and then there was a runner, and then there was two shams, AND there was a bear - all made out of the same squares, for that one set of money.  I KNOW that woman ... and you know it HAS to be a woman who sewed that oh so perfect quilt did NOT get the money that production was worth.  Just impossible.  She's surely an angel!
  • Ok, where are we ... probably ANOTHER sub thought - totally unrelated.  
  • Hmm, ok, we weren't there too long, because we forgot what we were going to say.  We've just been talking to Linda our Ms Birthday Person ­čśâ  Couldn't convince her to go quilt shopping on her birthday DRAT!  Wanted something that would make her very happy and I knew that would work.  She MIGHT go out for dinner with Tony - I hope so ... BIRTHDAYS ARE ALL ABOUT FUN!  Being at home with no plans on your birthday is anti-climatic.  Quilt shopping is fun - and she still has 3 hours before dinner and her chores are done for making stuff for the birthday gifts.  I know she should be shopping DRAT DRAT! Shh, girl - who knows what's in a person's heart, right?  We'll back off that one and see how she turns out.
  • Just thought of something more about Juliana - shoot should have wrote it down right away.  What was that again?  Something about the quilt ... OHHH I know!  It was about the part of Juliana not putting any of their pictures up.  It just got us to thinking ... could she somehow TOTALLY unconsciously be waiting for something like this?  Ok, we don't want to wish that much, but it's definitely a thought were having.
  • Hmm, it's now about 2:16 pm.  Better get some moving on here.  We've been away - and it's been good to talk to Linda, AND we needed to calm down, but now we're WAY too far down.  Just feel like we're losing time - THOUGH - HEY do any of you realize how much capping of words that's happening?  What's that all about?  Ok, ok ... and anyway ... Linda had a real good idea at the end.  She knew that we were having writing/quilting time crunch problems, but then she also heard about Rich going out this afternoon for his fishy club lakes meeting.  The cool part?  She said, maybe we could get something done with Rich going out.  It was like HEY!  That's right!!  He IS going out!  YAY found time!  We don't write at night so we'll still have to get done here, but we CAN quilt if we have the time ... right?  We're pretty sure at this point things are going to get done.  We know a lot more about what we are doing than before starting and we're REALLY REALLY sure we don't want to bring loose parts.  Maybe One stack if they are all done except emergencies, but we're not going to want to piece after we're out Saturday.  THAT'S for sure.  OK YOU CAPITALIZING PERSON!  Stop that! 
  • Beside at this time of the day, we are watching with extreme caution the weariness of our fingers.  Yup yup .. it's all about having fingers into laterhood life.  Hmm, "laterhood."  I like that.  I think I have just coined a word ... better look it up!  Hmm, about five years ago someone (foreign) used "check later hood."  But, that's not the same thing.  There are people out there talking about "hoods" locations to live, and "hoods" something you wear like a sweatshirt, OR Hood meaning "Fort Hood" victims, but nothing talking about a time held in later space - sort of familiar to oneself like a childhood or a neighborhood.  Yes, that's a first stab at what laterhood can mean.  Have to think more about that.  Something "later" could be held in a space you move into or toward, right?  Adding that before life - Wow!  what an interesting ambition!  There, we just added this paragraph to FB ... it's officially been coined hehe.  Need to put it into Internet somehow - more accessible.  Let me think.  AHA!  pushed it a LITTLE further.  We placed it in our blog as its own entry (the paragraph).  This way it has a better chance of being picked up by Google spiders.  We'll see.  Wouldn't it be a shame though if we lived our whole life and the biggest thing we did was to coin one word?  Giggling, we better keep writing just in case!
  • Ok, I think we covered for now enough about Juliana ... I don't really want to move on though.  Maybe something to end that part - maybe just a little more personal.  I've come to care, we have come to care "us and Dakota" about Juliana.  We just love the dickens out of her.  It is an unusual relationship given what we are both at that building UIC - CHICAGO Psychiatry.  How often to random employee and random patient meet and strike up such a strong relationship having stemmed from the relationship to a service dog?  Hmm, we see a kid's book coming out of this.  WOW!  Are you full of ideas ... hehe or something.  Anyway, ok, a little tired here, but we left it with Dr. Marvin as - we'll have to think about this idea of giving the art quilt to Juliana instead of keeping it.  I know we've pondered often enough having given our first art quilt - "Dancing in the Park" to Jillian because we knew at that time it was the right thing to do.  Just we know from that experience, that it doesn't take away from the "missing the quilt" part.  It happens really to all quilters and probably other artists as they give away or even sell their wares.  Just when you make something entirely special like both these projects were or are becoming, you have to hold strong to your heart that this is the absolute best thing, and that you are never going to regret the decision after it is made.
  • That's maybe a funny part of this.  In our minds, we are already considering the quilt to be juliana's, AND, we miss the quilt even though it's not finished.  We know enough of ourselves at this point to know it's going to turn out to be a beautiful piece of work.  There's already a whole building in its spot, we'd intended to hang it on the wall.  We haven't turned to our primary people being Rich and Linda about the quilt.  We know we've run it past #1 - Dr. Marvin, and that he's going to be ok, whichever way we go.  We know that if we tell Rich or Linda directly, they will both influence the decision saying we shouldn't give it away.  Because it is ours and for a dozen more reasons.  I know we're going to need facing that kind of scrutiny later, but I don't want it to be a part of OUR as a MULTIPLE decision.  We all have to consider it, and then do our best to uphold the decision.  I know it's our FIRST quilt of this kind, so there is some specialness there, but we also know that we have enough knowledge now to know we can duplicate this kind of thinking.  I'm not as happy making the decision to repeat making the same quilt.  That sort of thing doesn't interest me.  There's only so much time looking at one's life, to be duplicating the same thing over and over.  I know one can learn from it each time, but we think it changes, or should change and improve.  
  • There's this other part, I know I would have to get over.  I have no doubt that this quilt would be loved properly, but the actual quilt image comes from something between the relationship of Rich and us.  The picture was taken on Rich's birthday from a 3 hour cruise around Navy Pier - looking back into the city.  It was a special memory for us.  But the thing is, like the quilt that went to Jillian Or Juliana (giggling at the similarity of names) - well, you remember the memory whether you have the quilt or not.  If we can assist Rich in letting it go (as being too much), AND we could get Juliana to accept it (as not being too much), could we do the thing that makes quilts special.  Could we give it away freely and without reservation.  Thinking here now, we are going to stop at least this part of the thread, and to finish up Dr. Marvin's part.  But, basically, question asked to all our parts - "What say ye?  Where is the destination of this quilt going to be?  Hmm?"
  •  Better now get on with this last part, and then get over TO the actual art quilt - hehe - all of this is irrelevant if the quilt does not come to life through its completion.  Still have to strike a spark - that set'it to live on with or without us.  That means not only finishing parts before Saturday, on Saturday, and then AFTER Saturday in its finalizing stages.  So ... what else happened at Dr. Marvin's.  I think we have to hold our excitement level down a notch ... AHH see that it is almost 3 pm.  It's time we take our medicine and make sure we don't need a nap.  It has been a busy day with a lot of writing.  What else was discussed ... in general?
    • Juliana
    • Quilt giveaway
    • Medicine - we discussed Walmart giving us the wrong dosages of 3 medicines - maybe 2x of 1 medicine, and the second - not giving us the medicine from the card on the date that we actually ran out - stating it wasn't time yet.  I think the first one, we checked after Dr. Marvin - and it appears we are about five days short.  We'll check in the container to be sure - the extra one to see if there is any extra in there, or in our purse, but in general thinking they are playing us short, almost like giving us as many will fit in the bottle, but act as it is our fault we're off numbers - THOUGH we know we take our medicine "straight-up" no pun intended.
    • I think we talked about CS becoming a grandmother, but I'm not sure.  I don't remember either telling him she was coming when she wasn't.  We'll have to check that later
    • He asked us after telling him we were writing - about what kinds of things we were writing.  We explained the thinking through things and not being able to remember what was just said moments, sentences, or paragraphs about, or that sometimes, we were just writing procedurally like thought that, then that, or did that, and then that.  We told him it was helping us keep balance, although we still didn't know most the parts involved.  I think that chart we did a picture of earlier (from Multiple site) was very accurate of the brain shortcutting as to where our thoughts are or are going.
    • We showed Dr. Marvin the picture of the last coloring page - not much more into that - though we could have told him after we finished the page - the coloring person gave up her time clearly by putting away the books and pencils so the quilting part could have use of the table too.  That was an excellent move and very good communication!
    • I don't think much was said about Rich - we did both overeat afterward though.  We didn't ask, but Rich got double wraps for each of us at Subway.  We didn't tell him, but we overate because we were excited to get the food.  That is going to have to be addressed
    • I don't think anything was said about the boys ... maybe a little on some relationship questions ... and we talked about Andy, I believe ... not much.  But, even now that we're thinking about it - we are asking ourselves - is this just something that we've been thinking about, or did we actually use words and think it aloud?  I'm not sure.  We're going to have to check in with Dr. Marvin about this.
    • I know another important part of the conversation was about being able to communicate with the parts ... we'll use that as our ending thoughts ... let's see if we can shake out a few more, but first let's take the medicine and getting something fresh to drink.  We'll have to end our water with the medicine.  Ok, there that's done
    • We did talk about having so much pain and what we're doing with it with the doctors.  He's leaning toward we should have more frequent talks with Dr. Dorman, but we didn't give him much confidence in thought - Dr. Dorman that is.  We think he can do a little - like one or two problems, plus going over tests, and maybe it's in part because its so long that we get tired - trying to communicate to him, but it seems we never get fully responses back to all.  Dr. Albright would give us 4-5 assignments of things to check in with before we got back.  Dr. Dorman gave us notice of to get the back xrayed, but we're not holding a lot of stock into it.  He can't even find the several records of MRI's done and those are sonofabitches to get done.  I think the MRIs are what can see the arthritis, but maybe that happens I guess with the other too, because someone saw the heel spur and arthritis in our feet.  Just what the hell good is that if there is not surgery or something to make it better.  But then of course comes the judgment that it should be controlled by weight - eating or exercising.  I hold little stock in either and am very down with our physical abilities.
    • We did talk about whether we needed the antidepressant we were on and we discussed in conclusion on - Dr. Marvin's side was that we could be doing fine without it right now - told him about singing in the mornings because we felt happy, but he said that when things get kicked off negatively again, we are going to lack what is needed to keep things on track.  He says it differently of course, but that's the general part.
    • We also told Dr. Marvin about taking 8 arthritis medicine 2 pills - 4 x a day, and then we were taking advil at least 3 times a day, along with the baby aspirin once a day.  I know that's too much, but not a whole lot ... depends on which Dr. you are talking to and how fussidy they are.  I'd rather be honest than stupefied.  I won't tell Dr. Dorman the same information.  I think he'd as well just lock me up.  I know he's really nicer than that, but he seemed even more kind with Rich there than not.  I'd really wanted Rich to be there as a second pair of ears, but Rich is only remembering the stuff he wants to be dealing with.  Ok, that all is too negative - have to move on.  I will say that for as long as we've been blogging - minimum 14 years, we've stayed plus or minus the same ten pounds.  Just get to the really could give a fuck place. 
    • The part of our feet aching and the extra what dr. dorman is saying "our back" problems though we'd thought they were hip problems - ok guessing he's the right one, but those are affecting us primarily in being able to do the independent thing in walking to Dr. Marvin's office.  We'd set up to try being there tomorrow and already, we are coping.  Our feet hurt after not having them up all day because of the writing.  We're guessing part of that is heel spurs - maybe some of it is nerve endings and of course being overweight, but I don't see that changing realistically - just have no hope, which gets us to the part of 
    • suicidal thinking.  We are more thinking we are going to be dead in our 60's (Dad died at 64) Rich is 65 now.  Crap thoughts.  The best, most expedient out of that is how can we give up on wanting to give up our Rich, boys, house, quilting, writing, etc.  It does get us to the point of wanting to write and record more - went into that general conversation of prioritizing the blogs - old blogs and getting those copied over to e-books.  This also got us into the conversation on Multiples.  We are unhappy with all the thoughts being expended on death thoughts instead of clearly trying to process which parts of things are the problems.  I know we are very detailed in our thinking of everything, and sometimes overwhelm ourselves, because there are so many thoughts, but I just can't be in a space where we're waving the white flag all the time.  We have a general gloominess because of not being able to get past weight/diabetes, but we've tried to accommodate our life by appreciating ourselves in so much of it.  Just, for example, we might talk to one of the kids, but then on the drive home we wonder stuff like did we say enough/too much ... what would happen if that was our last conversation?
    • We did btw talk to Maury several times over the last week or two.  We are concerned with some of the things going on there.  Relationships and finances always seem to be hard - maybe that's the same with almost everyone on earth.  He knows what we can give him or offer him, and what we can't.  He's very respectful about that.  We did have reason to be concerned about something said today, but we'll talk it out with Maury and Dr. Marvin.  I am glad for Maury that he's doing things in his life to make improvements, but sometimes the in-between can be wily.  Joe is more set - well, at least as having just had a birthday this week.  He named in FB all the 20 or so things that made him happy on his birthday.  The fretful part?  We weren't any one of them, and although we asked in IM, on the phone and in his birthday entry directly, he is not doing the responsible thing in setting up time with us.  This has always been a problem for all three of the kids.  I think we're important to their marker points, but definitely not daily, weekly or even monthly.  That's always part of the depression I carry and try to keep off of them.  All Thom had to say was he was loosening a few things that always concern me, so then we don't have him fully blocked off as being ok, either.  Mostly - on his part though, he's fiercely independent and able.
    • Hmm, seems like we're clearing a lot of thoughts.  I think this happens more when we miss a lot of direct appointments with Dr. M.  I think we spent at least the last 10 minutes talking over the things toward us being Multiple and trying to understand that.  Conversations on our being valued - comes more with (this week) the writing and the quilting, but on a larger scale - part of the writing is trying to understand our own Multiplicity.  That which we run into most in online small groups and even FB - well, there is just not a lot of satisfaction.  I think that most multiples either are having a hard time or not getting on with life, but the majority of them have hard "suffering" times, and that's not what I'd like to think Multiplicity is all about, or are biggest (as ourselves) contribution within it.  We're back to thinking we have to be doing more writing, but that we have to also get past our day to day problems to process more on Multiplicity itself through us and through us and knowing others, or being interested in other Multiple phenomena.  The quilting?  That's almost like taking a "smoke-break" from the writing, learning and listening.  Just it's more healthy.  We have to set-up a balance where we are running more toward life than trying to avoid death.  I know that it has to happen at the end of our life, and none of us know when that is going to be.  We're less afraid of Dr. Marvin dying because he takes such good care of himself.  We're worried about Rich and ourselves.  He is too.  Sometimes, we make a little improvement with health, but other times, like now we seem to be floundering.  
    • I don't know how it would affect us to know ourselves better - more in depth and NOT just the procedural part of our days - though that seems to mesh more within multiple circles.  It's easy to lose hope in that area ... because the dishes keep dirtying themselves, electricity still has to be paid, and relationships run continuously up and down with a whole side of scary.  I think we're still skipping the more generous upswing into all this that goes on with Dr. Marvin, but until we get our house in order - just being able to leave it ... we don't make the kind of progress we need to be a leader within its causes.  I know there are other Multiples who do much more in contributing back.  But, we've always held on to the fact that we've been given a latter life of health benefits in seeing people professionally.  No doubt because we've needed this help, but then dammit?  What of it?  The years break down into - 18 years of bad childhood, 7 years thinking we were going to make it and bringing 3 sons into this world, and then the last 33 years of living primarily through psychiatry hoping that we were one day going to be able to clear our brain from it's own insanity - though we're using that term lightly.  We really do think those first 18 years scarred us, but we are dumbfounded to be figuring out why we haven't been able to live life as a "normal" would.  Why is life so hard - though, thank God we have a psychiatrist.
    • At this moment, we think - ok, the majority reading this are going to think dependency and why don't you just walk away from the therapy, get a grip on your life, and stop blaming the past for your present?  If I could answer those questions/thoughts, I'd have made a million by now.  Maybe with the last 14 years of writing, we've been trying to nail down what it is that is right or wrong in our life or daily thoughts that keep us going forward and prevent us from going back - with the back - not on our childhood, but in wanting to be dead.  Thinking now when we were about a sophmore in high school - that would have been about 1973 when the movie came out.  That's the math.  This is the synopsis of the story.  Thing is that I soooo totally related to this story at that time, I thought it was an inward message of the universe telling me in some way, I existed with cause. 
    • Anyway, this is the synopsis:
      • The story is about an ostracized teenager, Cliff Evans, who following his parents' divorce has no friends and becomes a completely withdrawn "cipher". Then on a school bus, he asks to be let off, and collapses and dies in the snow near the roadside. His school's math teacher is asked to notify his parents and write the obituary. Though listed as Cliff's favorite teacher, he recalls that he hardly knew him. After getting a delegation to go to the funeral - it's impossible to find ten people who knew him well enough to go - the teacher resolves never to let this happen to another child in his charge. It is implied that his death was because no one loved him.
    • Background:
      • Cipher in the Snow, written by Jean Mizer, an Idaho teacher, counselor and guidance director, was first published in the NEA Journal, 50:8-10, 1964. It won first prize in the first Reader's Digest/NEA Journal writing competition.[1][2]
        It has since been frequently reprinted and the story and film used in moral education; for instance, as part of anti-bullying initiatives.[3]
        Brigham Young University made a movie of it in 1973. The film was produced by Wetzel Whitaker and Keith Atkinson, with a screenplay by Carol Lynn Pearson. A DVD of the movie is available through BYU creative Works Office.
    • Hmm, wondering now.  I wonder if this movie is on Netflix - next time we're toward the TV, we will look it up and see if Rich will watch it with us, IF it is there.  Maybe if not there, it would be on YouTube?  I don't know ... we'll have to look it out.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

As a subfunction of our writing today, we are coining the term, "laterhood." :)

Beside at this time of the day, we are watching with extreme caution the weariness of our fingers. Yup yup .. it's all about having fingers into laterhood life. Hmm, "laterhood." I like that. I think I have just coined a word ... better look it up! Hmm, about five years ago someone (foreign) used "check later hood." But, that's not the same thing. There are people out there talking about "hoods" locations to live, and "hoods" something you wear like a sweatshirt, OR Hood meaning "Fort Hood" victims, but nothing talking about a time held in later space - sort of familiar to oneself like a childhood or a neighborhood. Yes, that's a first stab at what laterhood can mean. Have to think more about that. Something "later" could be held in a space you move into or toward, right? Adding that before life - wow! what an interesting ambition!

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Merrily Art Quilting Along

  • Good morning!  Just us.  We've been up for a while.  I guess for about 3 1/2 hours.  This last part, we've been talking to Linda.  She has a lot going on - ESPECIALLY because she's between one birthday celebration and the next ON her birthday!  She's already into a very good week AND - there is sewing by Saturday - so she's got that to look forward to as well!  AND US!  We are enjoying very much having it be a quilting weekend very soon...  We've put up a few pictures of accomplishment from yesterday.  Rich has been gone for the last two nights, so we've gotten a lot done with our quilting art project.  The first picture is when we placed the pieces - probably incorrectly, but we placed them directly on our art "canvas."  Then we did this restructuring and moved them properly to the ironing board, or just waiting on the table.  We've been picturing this stuff all along our process, but we continue.  The third picture is a beauty - before the chaos begins, BUT, then if you watched all the steps from the beginning to the end, you would see a lot of pictures "Between chaos!"
  • I don't know how it will look at the end, not by a far shot ... it's just that we are taking little steps toward something that will be considered at one point the final version.  It's all kind of a guess, and we're figuring the "artwork," part about it is that you just keep going forward - as we explained on our FB - even though it's taken over a year.  We've spread the pictures around a bit - probably too far for the "middle" stage we're at right now, but if you'd been with us FOR THAT LONG YEAR ... you would really know this is a lot of progress.  Thinking back to when we were just ordering the sticky stuff for the back and choosing from our scraps the fabric that would "make the cut."  Hehe ok, little pun!  At this point, there have been so many steps that part of the tension, is just being able to put things together WITH JUST the pieces that you've prepared.  It's part of the art, behind the art.  Some of those stacks are thick and some are thin, but somehow ... if we relax enough to get back in it ... it's just going to work. 
  • We have to be able to hold that confidence, if we are to progress it to the next step.  As we've stated elsewhere this last couple of days, we want all the pieces stuck down so that we can do the stitching down of the pieces on Saturday when our little quilting group gets together.  It's just the right paced kind of thing to do - WITH some nice breaks, because this weekend is going to be a "BIRTHDAY" celebration YAY!  We are going to be celebrating, CS, Linda and Emily's birthday.  It's always a really fun time to be together.  Usually, after we eat lunch, we have cake, and then break out the presents.  It's just magical!  That's what we're depending on now with the quilt - is for the "magic" to just happen!  Ahh, one of the ladies we see a lot on the Twilter's site just commented on our picture as being eye candy.  I love it ... rolling on the floor laughing.  There's a lot of nervous tension going on.  It's like we've prepared our palette, and now is the time to "paint it out!"
  • Just not time yet.  We're thinking that we are going to be taking a shower soon, and then take our medicine again in a couple of hours, and then eat lunch, and if we're not TOO tired, we'll give it a go.  I think today, we're going to get dressed.  We'v been slugging it along over the weekend.  We've stayed caught up with our showers, but we've stayed in pajamas without sleeves, so we don't brush pieces accidently off the table.  Pretty sure we'll be wearing short sleeves today.  In-between, we've been warming up with Cari's shawl - the one we got for Christmas!
  • Yesterday, we talked to Joe just for a couple of minutes. It was his birthday and we wanted to find a time where we are going to be able to get together.  Saturday is sewing, but we volunteered Sunday, which seems might be free for him, or we gave him the choice to come over while Austin is here with us the following week.  That would be a very good time for all.  I know that Alex might be a little noisy, but think Joe would do good for Austin.  They both have such quick minds and are all good with the online games - like both playing Pokeman.  Austin has two little brothers about the age range of Alex, so knowing he could do well - just we wouldn't make it an all day thing.  Just maybe a very nice afternoon!
  • Hmm, wondering now ... Is there anything else, we would like to do before we jump in the shower?  It's just chimed 9 am.  Good time to get things moving, and then by the time we're done and dressed, Dakota will want to go out for a couple minutes.  I have to remember too that I'll still have to wash clothes soon - might have to check the laundry to see if its time, and then too we will be going in to see Dr. Marvin with Rich tomorrow - though we're not sure about Thursday.  I would like to go in both days, but I don't think we'll be able to do the walking if Rich didn't drive us.  The bottom of our feet have been just so sore.  It's something that we have to keep in mind being able to do though.  We want to see Dr. Marvin regular, and I know we can't take all of Rich's valuable time in the middle of the day.  I guess then for today, the most important thing is to get in the shower, get dressed INCLUDING shoes, and then to the project at hand.  Well - TWO projects!  It feels like a writing day too, in-between the art part.  Right?
  • Hmm, maybe when we get back too, we should take a look at the journalistic "life organizer" things we started the other day.  Not sure what's going on there, but know it's important to some one or more of us.  Me?  Want to keep looking at the "eye candy!"  We are building up to VERY eager!
  • @9:33 am back again!  We took the shower, dressed, and did the dishes - AND, picked-up the kitchen.  There wasn't a lot to do because we've been keeping it pretty picked-up.  Hmm, we're disappointed that the FB pictures aren't going anywhere.  Maybe because we posted so many times, or because we said things on our post that were silly.  You never know.  Just 3 people liked it though out of 30 people who viewed it on Twilters.  Guess that's not our space.  Ok, let it go girl.  I know that positive comments and likes are nice, but not why these kinds of things get done - though are a little bit.  We're thinking it's more magical to us than others.  Hehe - maybe because we haven't made the REAL magic happen yet?  Gotta get on with it, hmm?  Right now we're on a back resting timeout.  AND, we still have to do the kitty litter and garbage.  We're going to save dirty clothes until Wednesday or Friday, because the bags aren't all filled up AND we'd rather concentrate on quilt and writing today.  I know - coming off a grand weekend where we had been playing around too.  Oh well ... truth be told, we have a very good life.  We do want to check the mail today though ... I think our threads FOR the art quilt should almost be here. 
  • AHA! On Thursday it started out in Kentucky and shipped through DHL, and then this morning "tendered" to the regular post office in Melrose Park - not too far from here, AND it says that it is estimated to be delivered today.  Not sure if it's going to be stuck in our mail box, or dropped at the door.  Just looking forward to seeing it.  It's medium to dark purples and blues, and like stated above - SIMPLY EYE CANDY!  Looking at our pictures for the 100's of times - this one the black table with all the pieces centered, AND we're thinking we're going to need some white/beige thread too.  We forgot about the center pieces.  We'll take care of that if we get so far on Saturday.  The ONE THING I KNOW!  It would be impossible - or highly unwanted to take the loose pieces ase they are to WI.  We got them set up JUST right now.  It shouldn't be too bad.  We're thinking three days (MON, WED, & FRI) way more than enough.  That's with us going in to see Dr. Marvin the other days.  Do you ever wonder how we can become soooo obsessed?!!
  • Equal - parts pulling and pushing us to be working on the project.  I know need to do kitty litter, garbage AND fold the living room blanket.  That will put our house in order.  Hmm, we were thinking too that we would like to go ahead and just sweep the floor for the hell of it.  Figuring loosely that we should progress the cleaning chores a little each week, so they don't add up to be overly much.  See See!  This is what happens when you are MORE on top of your game, than NOT!  Things you get to report to Dr. Marvin as being done - just happening all over the place!  Hmm?!!  Ok, then next?  Go do what you got to this round!
  • Pswhoo!  That's done.  The next step will be to brush our hair before it over dries.  OTHERWISE, it gets to crimped and curly.  You know the look!
  • Hmm, making it through the morning in good time!  It's almost 10 am.  Yup, almost time for the chimes to kick in.  Can't get enough of it ... thinking that it's ear candy hehe.  Hmm, could be listening to music.  This is about the time during the day we think about that.  What were we listening too the other day?  AHA!  Found it ... can't remember it yet, but it is "Cozy, Calm Crafternoon"  
    • Can't Pretend - Tom Odell
    • Lucky - Jason Mraz
    • Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran
    • Up&Up - Coldplay
    • True Colors - Joshua Radin
    • When We Were Young - Adele
    • 1234 - Feist
    • Wasn't Expecting That - Jamie Lawson
    • Another Rainy Day - Corinne Bailey Rae
    • Only Love - Ben Howard
    • Home Again - Michael Kiwanuka
    • I Got You - Jack Johnson
    • When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars
    • Carry You Home - James Blunt
    • All We Are - Matt Nathanson
    • Shiver - Lucy Rose
    • Manhattan - Sara Bareilles
    • I Try - MacY Gray
    • You Don't Know My Name - Alicia Keys
    • A Case of You - Joni Mitchell
    • Can't Be Love - Jill Andrews
    • Daughters [clean] - John Mayer
    • Till There Was You - Sophie Milman
    • All the Stars in Heaven - Ashtar Command
    • Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick
    • Glitter in the Air - Pink
    • People Help the People - Birdy
    • Latch (Acoustic) - Sam Smith
    • Green & Gold - Lianne La Havas
    • Home - Michel Buble
    • Let Her Go - Passenger
    • Waiting for an Invitation - Benji Hughes

  • Pswhoo!  Nice list.  Going over the names of the songs and musicians - I have to admit, that very few names ring a bell.  This is what you get for being so old, BUT I like the music, so we're going to have to pick-it-up a little, Hmm?  I like the part that it's all about relaxing during a period of "Crafternoon."  That suits my fancy!  Hmm, I wonder if it replays if we don't stop it ... I think its 32 songs - Just over 2 hours.  This then would take me to about noon.  That's a good marker point.  We're going to try listening to songs and titles/artists, so we can figure out better playlists.  Love it!  YAY!  We're on our game!  Next?
  • Ok, it is getting to be a stall.  We did go brush our hair, straightened the sweater on our working chair, stopped in to see Rich (didn't really need to see me, he was working), AND we stopped for pickles.  I see that we have 2 emails and 5 notes on FB.  OH MY GOSH - how much more can we stall?  You know if we just go and "do" the art quilt, then it is either going to turn out or it isn't and BECAUSE it is an art quilt - it will 99% be fine.  Just we gotta trust our minds will know what to do when we step over the 8-10 feet to the other chair/project.  Hmm, I always have liked Coldplay.  That is one of the artist we recognize.  Are we shifting again?  No?!  Really?
  • Let's eat our our pantry pickles before we go over there.  Surely there is something interesting to talk about until we make the next big move?
  • Back again - it's almost 11 am.  We've been fiddling around.  Checked on emails and FB.  Probably shouldn't do that so much.  Thinking we're going to close down those windows.  Sort of like you get absorbed into things.  I love the groups we're watching over now for service dogs, quilters, colorers, and Multiples.  Ok, yes, you know there is a "BUT" coming.  I want to be happy, but we're sometimes silly happy and it's especially not appropriate in some circles where depression and suicidal ideation rule.  We didn't mean to scold others ... and we're hoping it didn't sound like it.  But, we did advise to look for the positive.  The negative comes all by itself.  I don't mean to pretend if your depressed, not to be depressed.  Just get yourself out of the crisis stage, between crises.  It's good practice and will go a long way toward helping forward one's life.  I suppose we sounded boastful, but we wanted others to know too that we've gone through 33 years of mostly psychiatry.  Although, we still have problems, most of our life is good.  We STILL PUT OUR 33 YEARS in!  At the rate some of the younger kids going - and yes emotions are more stacked up on young adults, but at the rate they are going, they aren't going to make it.  Don't mean to stand on a stage, but you gotta be practicing more good than bad, and by that I mean - even getting to get up and someone decide to wash dishes ... well, that's good!  AND, even though we're complaining about moving over to the quilt - it is a good thing.  We are working on controlling the balance of excitement and terror to be doing something that is productive and expresses, the us under the us.  I don't know if it's as intense, but sure even singleton's go something like this.
  • I do think Multiples have it particularly bad, because they also have to go through somehow getting the right people out from within their systems to take care of the various needs any one-brained person may have.  We don't have anything between us and that creative project, but we keep going over and over it trying to make the move.  We did give ourselves a break earlier, in that sometimes the morning is better for writing and the afternoon/evening for other.  We got ourselves up to the time when - there goes the chime!  But, we're to the point of taking our medicine and eating lunch.  We are going to try to let ourselves in to a groove by trying some news, but we'll be really quick to turn that off if it messes with us too much.  Hmm, don't know where Rich is either.  He just went through here in bringing the garbage out ... it's Monday.  He's back in his office and he usually doesn't eat lunch until about noon.  Think we're going to make some peanut butter/jellies.  Ok, ok - AFTER we take the medicine.  The half hour it takes to regulate is good TV time, and hopefully, we'll be really steady after lunch. Ok, it's going to be about The Donald.  It will be ok, we're working on handling things.  This is especially hard to handle, but we're doing good, right?
  • @ 1:33 pm - this is us and we're back.  That's a good thing right?  Going and especially coming back?  We've just gone through our early afternoon.  This isn't a real productive time for us.  Not always.  Today was the variety where we take our medicine, eat - too much while watching CNN and then nap.  VERY long nap - must have been - I remember listening to news, but it is now 2 1/2 hours later.  That can't be a good sign.  We did just turn back the music - back to what we were listening to before.  We had it on pause so came back to ... let me figure that out?  Hmm, True Colors ... that seems to put things back toward the top of the list ... we must have played through the list.  sigh we'll figure it out.  Right now it is cutting in and out, so we're hoping that it stops skipping.  I know we have a bad Internet.  I think we are going to post for now ... well maybe not.  I don't want to lose this avenue, though we're trying to push the artistic one.  I think we have time we might come back.  Ok, what we should do then ... go get our irons and turn them on - then do a little practicing.  We wanted to go back over the couple of blacks we didn't use too ... we thought the gold was too much, but while we were thinking of things, we thought it could do for a black PLUS line across the sand between the buildings being shadowed and the lake.  The picture has a line of color and black, so we're figuring we can use those fabrics we had really enjoyed, but hadn't come up with an excuse for before.  Ok, girl - you got this!