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Thursday, February 23, 2017

Here we are...

Wednesday, February 22, 2017 @ 1:03 pm




  • @1:03 pm ... hi this is us.  It's been awhile since we've written again.  I don't know what happened to the time.  Our notes go back to Wednesday,  February 8th, which was the birthday of Linda and my new "Great-niece."  So, it's been 2 weeks.  I do know that we're just getting over a very severe cold which was the worst ever ... especially four days of not being able to breathe from our nose.  There were times we were panicking and thought that we weren't going to survive it, but Rich was good and very supportive.  I remember looking into his eyes as he calmly demonstrated just breathing in slowly through our mouth.  He was extraordinary!
  • The problem part was it was the same weekend that we were supposed to have Austin over.  As it turned out, we had to cancel, but he is coming over this weekend instead.  His time will be shorter, but maybe he'll come again around Easter.  As it is, Rich and us will pick him up on Friday, about 2:30 pm, and then Austin will drive us back.  Saturday we'll drive a little by going to the dog park while Rich is attending a funeral for one of his fishy friend's wife.  And then, we'll let Austin drive to our movie theatre.  I'm not sure if he watched anything last week, but there will be something he didn't see.  And, then on Sunday, we are meeting Joe, Cari and Alex at 10:30 am for brunch in Sugar Grove, a town not too far from here, and then Joe will continue to their community center where they are having karate competitions.  Austin will drive himself home, and then probably Rich and I will go home with me going directly to a nap!  That's about it for the weekend.  I know Austin always brings his computer and hopefully, we will have a chance to talk - several.  I really do look forward to seeing him again.  It's been a long time.
  • I think since the last time of being here, we had a quilting weekend, and we will have another coming up shortly the weekend after Austin's weekend.  We had gotten to about 60% placement of Lake Michigan on our art quilt and during the Saturday event, we sewed some of it down, but not nearly as much as we would have liked.  We got lethargic as people came and there was a lot of talking/listening time where things weren't getting done.  And, then there was time for the birthdays which is always exceptional, but takes away time from the quilting too.  I was grateful when Rich came in about quarter to 9 pm to load our things in the SUV.  I was very tired.  I think there were mumbly things happening after we got in the car, but I think part of the time was sleeping.  I'm not sure, because I'm not remembering it directly - just a sense of the time.
  • There were other things happening.  I think the big things, especially for my sister was that she became a Grandmother and she had brought one of her dogs, she is now calling a service dog ... Linda said CS is using my problem of having a hard time leaving the house as her own problem.  The whole thing was very hard on me.  I think we left it as ... I have recognized problems and have been seeing a psychiatrist for the better part of 33 years.  My problems are real and not just "toy-space."  CS refuses to admit she has any problems psychologically, but all of a sudden needs a service dog.  This is mostly likely because we have a service dog and she copies so much of what others do, especially me.  I do understand people get attached to any animal they have - and sure why wouldn't she want her dog with her.  That is one thing.  To call it a service dog - so she can lie her way through the process is just disturbing.  She wouldn't be the first to do it, but it is why people who do have real concerns and needs get a bad name and reputation is that others like CS are faking their way for a convenience where to others it is a necessity.  To say it isn't fair is just hitting the tip of the iceberg.  I have to stop though otherwise it is going to get me just more upset.  Dr. Marvin talked about her weak sense of identity as a reason she copies other people's.  No matter what the reason, we've battled it with her our entire life and we just hate it.  Not her, but what she does without her pausing to recognize it ... because it affects me.  Not only as an insult to the time I've put into my well-health, but also dealing with her unhealthy coping skills.
  • Others were having problems with the dog being there AS a service dog too. I heard only indirectly from them myself.  It was nice seeing Uncle Mark there ... though he might have been having too good a time, because we heard CS say that he wouldn't be coming back - as something she was deciding though I'm sure later, she'll say that it was his idea.  I know he was in his element and was proud of the work he was doing for CS in cutting.  People gave him space.  
  • There was some problems in communication though because the other four, Linda, Janet, Jean and Emily - talked more to themselves then in a bigger circle where we could be more of the conversation.  When people take it low (noise volume) at the other end of the table, or by the cutting boards, or ironing table where we cannot move to, then we get left out of the conversations.  As well, Linda and the twins get together between times or communicate on phone so they are in discussions we are not a part of.  We have to work hard not to take it personally.  But, that is a problem of ours.  We don't feel very important when we are discluded.
  • We talked to Dr. Marvin about things that were going on, and so I think these are the fragments that are left.  He was the one that reminded us not to take things personally.  It was more on the others for pulling back.  They may have not recognized what they were doing and maybe because we were spacier with the CS thoughts going on in our mind - or, even with the problems we were having facing our own project.  There are times, I think we are not as approachable.  We think we were doing ok on the outside, but maybe our inside shown through.  It was one of those times, we were very grateful to Dakota for being there for us.  Rich was in and around, but he tried to stay away, because he had the cold he would later give me.  He was very conscientious of not trying to spread it.  
  • We do recall that we were having a good time at another level, but I am not attuned to that part that was out.  I think though we were talking and laughing, so maybe whichever part that was - was having a perfectly fine time.  I think our outtake of it after leaving was how much we enjoyed being with the girls, so maybe the part(s) that were out were totally unconscious of those of us, like me who were having a harder time.  It's hard to be a multiple sometimes in sharing our life.
  • Dr. Marvin said something about that yesterday that most people have difficulties in life, but that he knew as us being a Multiple, we had extra difficulties, and we got the feeling from him that he admired us for giving the effort we do give in having a good life.  I'm still thinking we are having a good life, just we've been down do to the cold and problems, especially with CS.  I don't think she even picks up that we have problems in relating to her.  We try to hide it, because we often think that if we are having a problem with her, maybe the problem is that we are not relating well.  I mean, she is how she is, and we certainly have known her long enough to get over things, but we don't.  Seems like every encounter has a learning curve.  I wish that we had a better relationship, but we do have A relationship and we do the best to honor it.  Just have to sometimes clear our mind.  
  • 1:49 pm ... we were over at FB for a little bit ... just checking up on things. Ok, somehow we moved on from that and am now eating several marshmallows - THREE!  Could be worse.  Missy is meowing ... better check their water.  Hmm, she wasn't empty, but no reason not to give her something fresh.  PLUS, we went to the bathroom ... ok general check done.  I think we're getting more to the point of knowing we should be doing something with the house today.  The bare minimum is that we should pick-up the kitchen (from today stuf) and sweep the kitchen floor, and then if really good, we would vacuum the sitting room floor.  I think that's the only one that needs it now, but I think last time we saw the vacuum, it was full of dirt.  So, maybe Rich has to clean that out first.  Ok, BEST THING!  Would be if we could sweep the floor.  
  • The problem part beside "mood" is that our legs have been aching all day.  It's more like the wobbly feeling in the back of the legs when we first stand up and need to stretch, but they are continuing to feel bad past the first few seconds.  We took a long nap with Dakota late this morning between saying good bye to Linda and getting up to take our medicine and have lunch.  We knew it was going to be a doozy because we actually went back to bed in our bedroom taking Dakota with us.  He's a good sleeping buddy.  Now he is laying next to my feet, keeping my ankles warm.  Good boy.  It can't be the marshmallows we're still eating, because we RARELY share them and he knows it.  We also got a glass of ice water.  We're trying to think of things that would make us feel better enough to get something done.  We're not to the part though of saying ... well like in 15 minutes we're going to do something.  Maybe the rule is ... the next time somebody gets up they will ... and then we have to fill in the blank.  I think that usually gets something done.  I remember the old days where we used to write a lot and then we'd get things done.  Dr. Marvin was talking yesterday about getting back to the writing and evernote, and then we drop the conversation there.  Not sure why we were supposed to be doing this.  Just that we were, so here we are doing it.  
  • Clocks just chimed 2 pm.  Time seems to be going fast.  I know someone was suggesting before ... maybe sometime yesterday, but I don't think with Dr. Marvin - because we'd forgotten, but someone was suggesting that we make more effort WITH the house, so we could walk around it as if we lived here all the time.  I know that it was very hard for us to feel at home when we had other people around.  Even Rich said today when he left, that he was going to be gone today, so that we could feel free to move around and get stuff done.  I think the part we are afraid to admit is that Austin is coming so we have to make a better impression.  His room is good - and even has the shade now, but we have to make sure it's dusted.  Rich already vacuumed that room.  So, we could add dusting his room today too.  That wouldn't be so much, but it is already late in the afternoon.  We'd have to push past our own barriers.  I think the water is better for us, than the marshmallows.  They are gone now.  Half a glass of water left, and then we are going to have to stand up and reach for more.  Hmm, there is some on the small table between the couches.  Maybe next time up ... we can pick-up the few things off in the kitchen AND table and assure the dishwasher is being processed.  PLUS, get water.  Still a half a glass to go.  
  • Oh, I know too!  We wrote a couple of letters to our Multiple friend Lisa on Monday.  That's something we did.  We were backed up a bit so had to do some major catching up.  I wonder what we talked to her about?  Why don't I look ... that would be ok, right? 
  • 2:51 pm ... Back again.  we were at least a little productive.  We got the major 4 rooms picked up and the dishes started, plus we did the mail.  Not much past that - oh and we did read the letter to the Lisas and we looked around Pier 1 a little, but we weren't seeing things that interested us.  When we opened the mail though we were surprised to get another card - must have expired from Amazon.  That was the cheap $500 card that kept messing me up because of the high percentage used whenever I used it.  I took it off my Amazon account so it would not be defaulted to.  It was hurting my credit rating.  Surely didn't want another card.  sigh  There are other things to do ... but we ran out of back-space.  I would like to wash the table now that it is cleared and to check the counters now that they are cleared as well.  We still have to sweep the kitchen floor and we should empty the litter box and garbage.  It is almost 3 pm, so we'll try not to save those for too long.  I think Rich has a full day, but as long as we're working a bit, then we'd like to have things done before he gets home.  I believe he had appointments at 10 am, 12 pm & 2 pm.  Probably they were toward the city.  Think that is my wish list at this point.  It be pretty good for missing most the morning - not feeling well.
  • Hmm, I guess I never made it to the shower today either.  Small chance to none about getting out of PJs, though it would be nice to go sit outside.  I know not all of us can do that.  
  • 3:23 pm  I don't know what was just happening.  Remember hearing school kids and thinking it must be around 3 pm, and then we were petting the dog.  Now he is up and whining because someone walked past with a dog.  No you can't go out!  I remember thinking ... we usually watch news, but then heard complaining that we wouldn't be able to control our thoughts, because our minds would start following the news instead of our own thoughts.  I guess sometimes that isn't bad.  I remember telling Dr. Marvin, we'd been watching the news a lot again.  He asked us about it and we told him our thoughts on National politics mostly.  We seem to know a lot, but that part isn't me.  That's another thing.  Someone was talking to Dr. Marvin about this business of figuring out what parts are doing what - or basically, trying to figure out how we operate.  But, someone was complaining.  I don't know the argument.  Just remember being surprised, because however this might work, we thought that all were for it - just having hard times with it and now it seems that someone is blocking the efforts.  It's been a strugglepuss.  
  • I think we want to be eating all the time.  I know this is a change of subject, but we can feel ourselves rubbing our forehead and it feels like confusion, and then it's like hearing the question ... isn't there anything to eat?  I know though we had breakfast, a short roll of GS cookies, 3 marshmallows and 2 peanut butter breads.  That should be plenty to keep us full.  I think we're wanting to eat more as a distraction.  Oh, and we forgot, but someone wants us weighing in again ... but lets not do that at this point of the day, hmm?  Hmm, we did it anyway.  We took off our shoes and weighed in at 290.6.  I think the other day it was 291.4.  So, we're not going to complain about that, especially after eating so much.  Just there's not much control over it.  Our best defense is sleeping through it.  I think though that we have to take our medicine ... It's now 3:30 pm.  BRB
  • 3:42 pm BACK!  AND we did good.  We took our medicine, then we found a bag of Werther caramels from Rich and we put them in a cup saying we should have a good day - in our sewing room ... and then we took a shower.  After that there was a relapse in that we got out fresh things, but it was another pajamas.  We weren't ready to go outside - not all of us at least.  Dakota of course followed us into the bathroom to make sure we were ok, then as normal, he lies down in the bedroom on the floor, and now he's lying down next to me back by the computer.  I feel better ... everybody feels better fresh out of the shower, I think.  Plus the dishwasher is going and that's always a good thing.  Now is about the time though to ask if we can do a little more, or if we're pretty much done for the day as to housework.  If sweeping is too much, maybe at least we'd feel good enough to do the litter box and garbage?  Hmm, there's that thing between smelly and clean.  Maybe it's not so bad, but we can decide in a few moments.  We do like to have things done for Rich by 4 pm and that's 13 minutes away, so maybe doable?  Why are these things always so hard for me/us?  Rich SHOULD have a clean kitchen to cook in.  He put in meat before he left - maybe the kind that gets sauerkraut with it.  He doesn't have too much to do, BUT the garbage is full again ... happens every day or two it seems.  
  • Wow!  That was a bad memory.  I just thought first "dang white garbage bags - always getting full!"  But, then that kicked back to growing up.  My mother always had big green garbage bags.  I don't remember, but suppose they were sitting in something, but just remember the garbage getting too full and flowing over and then someone would come over with messy garbage and it be terrible.  Maybe we should do the garbage now.  We try for that NEVER to happen although we don't always get the flashback with it.  BRB
  • 4:02 pm ... It didn't take long at all and about the time we were finished, Rich called.  He wanted me to check the lamb.  I think that's what he said it was.  We had a little talk and he's not upset for me not getting the floor done, but he said we should get outside because next week isn't going to be so nice.  So, we got dressed and we're popping some popcorn, and we went over what to do if noisy Don comes over.  AND he said he'll drive me to Chicago tomorrow because he has appointments there.  YAY!  So, taking water, popcorn, AND phone and heading out bye!
  • 4:54 pm ... we're IN again!  Rich isn't home yet, but we finished the popcorn AND didn't have the snoopy neighbor.  Ok, a couple minutes later ... we were reading something forget, but then we were petting the puppy.  He knows its getting time for d-i-n-n-e-r.  And, he's a little jumpy, but we want him to wait on the chime ... any moment now.  He's nervously chewing on his antler.  He can feel the excitement in the air!  YAY!  Is it time, almost, almost?  Maybe about 30 seconds ... waiting, waiting ...
  • 5:18 pm!  There we go!  It's done and EVERYONE is happy!  We fed Missy for Rich too because he's home late today - meaning anytime after 5 pm.  I'm glad we went outside ... it seems to have lifted our spirits, and THEN because Rich should be home pretty soon.  He said an hour, but he wasn't looking at the GPS - otherwise he'd be more exact and we thought he had longer to go because he said he was still on the North side of Chicago.  We'll be patient, right?  AND, dinner has been cooking all day so it won't take too long.
  • 5:25 pm ... YAY!!!!! He's home!  He's been on the expressway for a while, so we're waiting a moment for him.  AND, you can be pretty sure that the animals were happy.  Missy came out of hiding AND Dakota ran back and forth as if to tell me - he's here!  He's Here!  Then he goes and jumps on Rich.  Yes boy he's here! 

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